Chapter 10: Personal Relationship

INTIMACY, LOVE, ATTACHMENT, COMMITMENT and RESPONSIBILITY

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

The type of relationship which is closely associated with a person and which can only have meaning to this person.

Attachments when the primary caregiver is most of the time present and available and when all the emotional needs of an infant are met, providing a sense of a security to the infant.

will grow up with a more secure and stable relationship

1. Secure attachment

Attachments when the primary caregiver is cold and detached, and even unresponsive to a child's needs.

A child who experienced this style of attachment will often times experience unstable relationships in the future.

The posibility of isolation is real for people who have this type of attachment.

2. Avoidant attachment

Attachments when the primary caregiver is not consistent in

terms of presence and in meeting a child's emotional needs.

separation anxiety, mixed feelings beween hesitancy and commitment when entering into meaningful relationships.

3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment

Three Stages of Falling In Love by Helen Fisher

1. Lust – is driven by the sex hormones, testosterone, and estrogen.

2. Attraction – lovestruck phase, which involves neurotransmitters in the brain such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

3. Attachment – long-lasting commitments are exchanged, and may lead to raising a family. Oxytocin believes to promote intimacy; vasopressin which promotes long-term relationships

LOVING HAS A GENETIC BASIS

Unconscious assessment of another person’s genes through their physical appearance

Genes are usually determinants of good health

Both male and female are often attracted to symmetry

Pheromones – an odorless chemical found in urine and sweat can be detected by the nose, are involved in the assessment of a future mate, an indication of a person’s immune system.

Women are also attracted to men who smell similar to their father.

Preference of individuals to marry somebody who resembles one or both of their parents.

The Rozenberg Quarterly Several theories related to attraction and liking:

1. Transference Effect

Our past relationships can therefore affect our current interactions with people.

2. Propinquity Effect

Proximity promotes familiarity and hence, liking, this can also be true if we do not like a person.

3. Similarity

Similarity is a strong factor in friendship and in the selection of a mate because it promotes intimacy, trust, empathy, and long-lasting relationships.

4. Reciprocity

The more we are liked by someone we equally like, the more we behave in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.

5. Physical attractiveness

Physical attractiveness connotes positive health and reproductive fitness, which are both essential to human survival.

6. Personality Characteristics and Traits

Empathic persons and socially competent persons

Happy and cheerful disposition, poised, and can present themselves well, outgoing, ad sexually warm and responsive

Integrity, income potential, and stability of men

Attractiveness and Vitality of women

Love and Intimacy

Love is a feeling of deep affection, passion, or strong liking for a person or thing (http://www.yourdictionary.com/love)

1Cor.

1. Intimacy

“That lovely moment when someone understands and validates us.” – Reis, Clark, and Holmes (2004) and Reis and Shaver (1998)

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring, human being.” John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love”

Being open and vulnerable to that person whom we deeply trust, who we feel connected with, and who values us with unconditional positive regard – Rogers

Communication is a key component in developing intimacy, where self-disclosure is practived.

2. Commitment

Is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking.

Commitment in a love relationship is expressed continuously in caring and loving actions for the beloved.

Commitment is saying YES, you are into this relationship and will stick to it for as long as possible.

3. Passion Is the intense state of being that drives and

consumes a person to pursue an interest, a vision, or a person.

In terms of romantic love, passion connotes sexual attraction, as well as intimacy.

The eighth type of love is the absence of the three components and is referred to by Sternberg as “non-love”.

Variables related to strengthening Commitment

1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

support from the partner; sexual satisfactions; emotional, financial, and physical security; adventure; and novelty

2. Temptation of alternative partners

the presence of possible alternatives for another partner can rock the relationship and destabilize the commitment of a couple.

3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship

may include time spent together, common beliefs and experiences, mutual experiences with mutual friends, and bearing children. Religious beliefs reinforce commitment

Spoilers to Commitment

1. Criticism

there is the absence of unconditional positive regard for each other in a relationship

2. Denial of the existence of conflict

When one party eludes the presence of a problem and refuses to discuss it, as if belittling the problem, it will result in frustration on the side of the other party

3. Contempt

Someone who looks down on the party as inferior does not give unconditional positive regard, and aggravates the situation by expressing superiority over the other.

“ultimate expression of disillusionment and highly predictive of “divorce” or separation.

Responsibilities in a Relationship

1.Be responsible for what you think and say to the other person.

2.Be responsible for what you promise to do or not to do.

3.Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.

4.Respect the other party or parties involved.

5.Be ready to provide support when needed.

Thank you! That In All Things God May Be

Glorified!

Mrs. JULIENNE ROSE P. SABALLA, MAEd., RGC