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LifelineLifelineA Meeting on the Go

ChangingRelationships

Setting

BoundariesHealthy

STAFFDeDe DeMoss Publications ManagerKevin McGuire Periodicals Editor/DesignerMary Young Publications Assistant

Please direct submissions toLifeline, PO Box 44020, Rio Rancho, New Mexico 87174-4020 USA, or email info@oa.org

Overeaters Anonymous Preamble

Overeaters Anonymous is a Fellowship of individuals who, through shared experience, strength, and hope, are recovering from compulsive overeating. We welcome everyone who wants to stop eating compulsively. There are no dues or fees for members; we are self-supporting through our own contributions, neither soliciting nor accepting outside donations. OA is not affiliated with any public or private organization, political movement, ideology, or religious doctrine; we take no position on outside issues. Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors and to carry the message of recovery through the Twelve Steps of OA to those who still suffer.

OA Lifeline The international magazine of Overeaters Anonymous®, Inc.

Lifeline presents experiences and opin-ions of OA members. Opinions expressed herein are not to be attributed to Overeaters Anonymous as a whole, nor does publica-tion of any article imply endorsement, either by Overeaters Anonymous or Lifeline. Manuscripts are invited, although no payment can be made nor can contributed matter be returned. Please include your full name and address with your letter or manuscript. For writers desiring anonymity in publication, indicate specifically whether this applies to name, city, state, and/or country. Manuscripts and letters sent to Lifeline are assumed to be intended for publication and subject to editing. All manuscripts and letters submitted become the property of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc., and are, therefore, unconditionally assigned to Overeaters Anonymous, Inc., for publication and copyright purposes. Back issues are $3.

Lifeline, ISSN No. 1051-9467, is published monthly except June and December by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc., 6075 Zenith Court NE, Rio Rancho, NM 87144-6424 USA. Subscription rates US, US Possessions: $23 per year. Canada priority air service: $29 per year. Outside US/Canada priority air service: $38 per year. POSTMASTER: send address changes to Lifeline, PO Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020 USA. Printed in the United States.

© 2015 OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS®, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Registered OA service bodies may reprint individual articles from Lifeline for limited personal and group use, crediting Lifeline and Overeaters Anonymous. Material from Lifeline may not be revised, recom-bined into other publications or resold. All other uses require written permission from OA, Inc. Misuse of this material con-stitutes copyright infringement. Contact the WSO editorial office: 1-505-891-2664.

®

Moving? Let us know! Contact OA: telephone 505-891-2664; fax 505-891-4320; email info@oa.org; mail Overeaters Anonymous, PO Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020 USA.

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September 2015 Vol. 43, No. 8

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Renewing Relationships 2Putting food in its proper place opens the doorto the true potential of important relationships.

Seeing God’s Gifts 3Unburdened 4Turning Points 4Gratitude Every Day 5

Steppin’ Through 6Interpersonal relationships in program lead to better relationships all around.

A Delicate Balance 6Work in Progress 7Blueprint for Life 7Safer Challenges 8Keep the Focus 9

Moments of Truth 10When the friction of relationships upsets the balance, these members turned to the Steps.

Sewing a New Relationship 10Serving Which Power? 12Taking Time 13

The New Normal 14Navigating the world of relationships after recovery.

It Takes Time 14Among Friends 15Match and Blend 15My New Way 16Anyone Else’s Blessings 17

Working All Twelve Steps: Follow Me 18The “secret” to maintaining abstinence and recovery.

DepartmentsLiving Traditions 19Stepping Out 20Ser vice with a Smile 21Taking the Spiritual Path 22For Discussion and Journaling 22Newcomers Corner 23Send Us Your Storie s! 23Ask-It Basket 24Share It 24Web Links 26

2 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

Seeing God's Gifts OA saved me, and it’s not so much about the

weight loss. Today I’m a better mother because of OA, and I believe no “pay and weigh” program can offer the same promises OA does. Sure, I’m down 85 pounds (39 kg) from my top weight of 232 pounds (105 kg), but that’s not the real miracle. The miracle is that every relationship in my life has improved, and not one person changed except for me.

food during mealtimes, and I eat the food I committed, weighed, and measured.Doing this allows me to bring my children into my circle of life. It allows me to be present for them and to consider their needs and desires. Thanks to physical recovery, I can get down on the floor with them to play. Thanks to emotional and spiritual recovery, I make time to do things they want to do. I see my children as gifts from God, and I pray each day for a healthy relationship with them. I know that with OA, God, and my willingness, I can be a better mom one day at a time.

Thank you, OA. If I live to 100, I could never repay you!

— Angela

One of my most shame-ful memories is the greed I felt when my 13-month-old sat at my feet and asked for food while I sat on the couch watching game shows and bingeing. I hated to share my food. Shortly after that, I started bingeing in the car while she slept in her car seat after my long commute home. This allowed me my private time with the food. I would then take her inside, feed her, bathe her, and put her to bed as soon as possible so I could have my dessert in front of the television—alone at last with my food!

Today and thanks to OA-HOW, I don’t have to live like that anymore. I have my

September 2015 www.oa.org 3

4 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

UnburdenedMany years ago, before I joined OA,

I moved 3,000 miles away from family. For years I struggled with weight, obsession about weight, and sugar addiction, but af-ter I got away from anyone who knew me, my disease bloomed. I ate to the point of being beyond full and exercised to try to stay thin. Then I discovered the illness of purging and became sicker than ever.

I was led to the rooms of OA and slowly, after finding abstinence, began peel-ing away the pain. Abstinence led me to therapy and a Twelve Step program that deals with the family disease of alcohol-ism. I found loving sponsors who guided me through the Twelve Steps, which helped me maintain abstinence while go-ing deeper into root causes.

Fourteen years ago and with the help and support of sponsors, I returned to the town where I grew up. My parents were elderly, and my mother was in a wheel-chair. I wanted to help and was able to relocate. I could never have conceived of making this life change without program.

My parents both lived to a ripe old age, and it was a thrill and an honor to be close to them while their lives were wind-ing down. I am happy to report I contin-ued to abstain through these life changes.

I don’t take recovery for granted. I continue to go to meetings, and last December, I celebrated my thirty-fifth OA anniversary. My top size was 13. Now I wear between a 6 and an 8. But these figures don’t reflect the weight I lost men-tally and emotionally. For years, I carried heavy burdens of resentment, anger, and self-righteousness. These burdens are gone. I am beyond grateful to experience, a day at a time, recovery that is physical, emotional, and spiritual. Thank you, OA.

— Anonymous

Turning PointsAfter twenty-five years in another

Twelve Step program, I came into OA after someone mentioned he was going to receive a twenty-two-year chip. Until then, it had not occurred to me to ask my HP to take away my food obsession. I was a yo-yo dieter and had lost and regained hundreds of pounds over forty-five years. Much to my surprise, my compulsion was lifted, and I began working the Steps.

In the Step process, I realized I owed my husband an amends. I was frozen when it came to feelings. When some-thing bothered me, I just got quiet. After giving up sugar, I had nowhere to run, and I started to get in touch with those feel-ings. I came to him and said that amends. He was shocked. For the first time, I took responsibility for my feelings and actions instead of saying, “Nothing’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with you?” This was a great turning point in our marriage. As I got more in touch with my feelings and my side of the street, we were able to get closer and closer in our relationship.

The next turning point was when I started praying out loud before dinner. Each time I would thank HP for some-thing about my husband. After about a year, he said one day, “I’d like to give the prayer.” This again opened us up to each other, and it was very healing to hear him thank God for something about me.

When the end for him came two years ago, we were both very much changed. He was ready, as he said, “to merge into the mind of God.” I was healed enough to go on without him, reaching out to those in the program, figuring out how to live my life in the care of God as I understand God, and realizing that with God and the program I am never alone.

— C. Jay P., Galveston, Texas USA

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Gratitude Every DayBefore I found OA, I

was given my first “aha!” while talking with someone about my in-ability to lose weight. He said, “Food is your best friend. It’s always there for you.” It was a stunning realization, and I knew he was right. Food was my very best friend. At the time, I wasn’t willing to give up the toxic relationship. I sought help in commercial diet and fitness programs, but I still couldn’t control my eating. When I finally came to OA, my weight had soared to over 250 pounds (113 kg). I was in physical pain and felt helpless. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and this was a very good thing. I was finally ready to find healthy friends who would help me begin a life of recovery through working the Twelve Steps and the OA program.

In addition to becoming abstinent and losing weight for the first time, my life began to turn around in other ways. I realized that my new best friend was my Higher Power, who was always there for me in ways the food never could be. I could face emotions the food had stuffed down. I was able to take more ownership of my life and responsibilities. I saw more clearly the ways my food obsession had overshadowed all my relationships.

As I continued to work the program, my relationships with my family and friends improved. I began to shift my focus away from food and toward ways I could put more energy and quality into my connec-

tions with my

loved ones. My ability to see when I was

wrong and promptly admit it improved. This helped

me feel I was living with more honesty and integrity. My admis-

sions of responsibility for my words and actions meant something to my family and friends, and I felt closer to them.

I was also blessed with some new friendships in OA. One friend and I began texting daily, and she helped me get through some difficult situations. I also benefit when I give support to her.

My relationship with myself is different. I can see myself more clearly through my Higher Power’s eyes. I see that in addition to areas I need to improve, I also have some gifts to give. When food was my best friend, we only shared fear and shame. Now, through the relationship I am cul-tivating with my HP, I feel more patience, compassion, and gratitude every day. My priorities for relationships are different, and I now spend time with those who want to live honestly and authentically.

I feel so grateful for these enhanced relationships and for my recovery, which is growing one day at a time.

— Catherine W., Brooklyn Park, Minnesota USA

“My admissions of responsibility meant something to my family and

friends, and I felt closer to them.”

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6 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

ADelicate BalanceMy spiritual life helps me deal with, build, and leave relationships.

Using the Steps in relationships or with issues and the people involved helps keep me abstinent. The Steps have shown me that love is a working process. It’s not a sustained, red-hot passion of two individuals in perfect harmony, but a delicate balance of respect, space, compassion, and surrender. Abstinence and the Fellowship have taught me that I will be okay, even when relationships end. I will have people in my life to love me and have a life to live.

Steppin’

Through

September 2015 www.oa.org 7

friend, always there for me, though I can still have trust issues since my previous relationship with food was so cunning, baffling, and powerful.

Through Steps Four to Nine, I started to dig into my relationship with myself. This relationship was disconnected and foggy at times. Emotions and defects flew all around, teasing, mocking, and condemn-ing me, and they can still cause havoc in my mind. Thankfully, I did not go through this growth alone. My sponsor suggested I write a gratitude list and list of my assets. God was there too, hugging and loving me through all kinds of turmoil that my defects and negative thoughts mustered.

My relationships with others still are not perfect or normal—I’m still not sure what that is. I do know I feel differently. Since doing Step work, I feel less angry and reactive to life and situations. I can pause, pray, and proceed. I have Tools that help me get through all kinds of situations. I connect more and listen with more intent than I ever did. My children used to say I never listened to them. Now I make time to listen. I do living amends to friends and family by being present and connecting with them frequently.

My new normal is to be free of the bondage of food obsession (Step One), to maintain my spiritual relationship to God (Steps Two, Three, and Eleven), to keep my side of the street clean and love myself unconditionally (Steps Four to Ten), and to connect daily with OA friends, my sponsor, and my family (Step Twelve). I’m a work in progress, learning, growing, and changing one day at a time.

— Kim B.

Blueprint for LifeI wondered if program affects

relationships. Then it hit me: The Steps

Today I have options. My mother and I are going to an out-of-state wedding together. The program has helped me heal this relationship to the point where it’s possible for me to take this trip. I must remain grateful and connected to my Higher Power, knowing my Higher Power will provide for and protect me. Still and small, my Higher Power is there.

My dad jokes with me now, and we are building a mutual hobby in photography. The OA program has given me the stabil-ity to even consider this as a possibility.

I try to speak to all with kindness, put out positive energy, forgive myself when I falter, and remember the power of the Steps in every aspect of my life.

— Edited and reprinted from The Trans-formation newsletter, Central Ohio Service Intergroup, February 2009

Work in ProgressSince OA, I feel my relationships

have changed significantly. First I felt the shift with the food relationship. I accept-ed that I was in an abusive relationship with food. At first, food was comforting and soothing, but then it started to taunt, control, and drown me. I had to break it off immediately and grieve the loss.

I then focused on creating a stronger relationship with God, in whom I have always believed. My closeness to God began with a spiritual awakening, which broke the hold the food relationship had on me. Since I knew all food had control over me (I could binge on veggies), I needed to trust my food plan and pray to God that the food would be enough. God made the food enough, and I was at peace. Food was no longer the driving relationship in my life.

God and I connected in a way I did not think was possible. God is my best

8 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

I learned a lot about how to be with people simply by connecting with fellow OA members before and after meetings. It was easier to talk to people if I was doing a service for the group or if I could comment about something shared dur-ing a meeting. I also learned a lot about

developing relationships through the Steps, particu-larly the Steps that talk about how to develop a relationship

with a Higher Power. Both human and spiritual connections grow from taking time regularly to be together, sharing honestly, and listening. Steps Four to Nine helped me take a closer look at what was broken in my relationships, clean up my side of the street, and learn better ways of interacting.

One thing that helped me a lot was par-ticipating in business meetings. They are a place with some agreed upon bound-aries, and it was a safer place for me to experience challenging situations, such as conflict. There I learned how to express my opinions in ways that could be heard and how to listen respectfully to opinions that differed from mine. I experienced the art of compromise and learned by example how to act like an adult when I didn’t get my way.

Thanks to years of practicing the Tools, Steps, and Traditions, I have a healthy relationship with my husband, I am a pretty good mother, and I have meaning-ful relationships with friends both inside and outside the rooms. Not too shabby for someone who came in just wanting to develop a healthy relationship with food!

— Anonymous

and Traditions are a blueprint for living life well. I have healthier relationships because the Steps taught me how to have them.

Coming from a family where manipu-lation is normal, my learning curve was steep. The Steps taught me to approach

each interaction with as much honesty as I was capable of at the time, to question my motives, and to search for any hidden agendas I might have.

As I grow in the program, I am able to be more rigorous and honest in my relationships with others. I am learning to do the footwork, do my best to make things right when I’m not honest enough, and try to do better the next time. I am learning to give up my need to control the outcome, do the next right thing, and turn everything else over to my Higher Power.

Is recovery in relationships possible? Absolutely. And I am grateful to OA for showing me the way to a saner, more lov-ing way of living my life.

— Edited and reprinted from The Northern Lights newsletter, Anchorage Area Intergroup, Nov/Dec 2006

Safer ChallengesBefore program, my relationships

with people were distorted because my primary relationship was with food. For years, I used food to avoid social situa-tions where I felt “less than,” so my people skills never developed beyond an “act as if” social façade.

September 2015 www.oa.org 9

Keep the FocusIn December 2005, I made my

first program call to the local anorexia/bulimia hotline. Shortly afterward, I at-tended my first OA meeting. At the time, I weighed about 115 pounds (52 kg) on my 5-foot-5-inch (165-cm) frame; however, I reached a low weight of 97 pounds (44 kg) during high school. My undereating was problematic, but in OA I used sponsor-ship, meditation, writing, meetings, a food plan, and service to gain enough to reach 130 pounds (59 kg).

In 2009, a longtime member began to flirt with me. He asked me to din-ner and made sexual innuendos. I felt confused, and in an attempt to receive what I thought was love in the program, I complied and dated him. The relationship quickly became sexual. He was not work-ing with a sponsor or using the Tools. He began to criticize me and threatened to physically harm his pets and people I cared about. Eventually, he began seeing another woman outside of the program.

I felt pain, sadness, and anger about these events, which I felt powerless to change. I felt hurt, betrayal, and a desire to retaliate. Not knowing what to do, I called various people in the program and asked for their suggestions. They said to establish no contact with him and con-tinue to use the Tools no matter what. I resented and regretted my vulnerability to being exposed to a thirteenth stepper.

I developed a caffeine addiction but used program calls, meditation, meet-ings, and prayer to recover. I realized that even with time in program, I did not know everything about myself, the disease of compulsive eating, or others. I needed to return to Step One. Acknowledging that the relationship was destructive and inap-propriate humbled me to admission.

I learned that just because someone is in program does not mean this person is entirely healthy or spiritually perfect. I learned to be cautious when selecting people to spend time with.

I love OA meetings, and I hope to con-tinue to use the Tools of the program to grow; however, I caution any newcomer to make certain your program is strong and the other person’s program is sturdy prior to attempting a romantic relation-ship. Each person in recovery needs to feel important, loved, and accepted for who they are. Without this, recovery is impossible.

I made my mistakes in this relation-ship. I gave the other person permission to define me, instead of defining myself

based on self-acceptance. Hurt people can hurt others. I learned that I need to feel important, loved, and accepted, and that I feel angry when I don’t have these needs met in a relationship. I’m learning to let go and move on with my life. I have been gently reminded to keep the focus on my recovery and myself and to say no when I need to.

— Anonymous

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Sewing a New RelationshipI am the world’s worst seamstress. I can

sew on buttons and do hems, but that’s about it. That’s fine. I no longer need to be good at everything, and I’m willing to be bad at sewing.

September 2015 www.oa.org 11

She continued to lecture that I was setting myself up for failure and believing in my own helplessness. When she asked what I heard her saying, I said, “You’re invalidating my experience of myself,” and she flipped.

I saw I could not converse with her, so I resolved instead to just cut the legs that already had pins. At that point, my 9-year-old son came in. My mom had him cut the legs partway and demanded I watch. When she saw I wasn’t paying attention, she said, “If you don’t finish cutting these, I will never help you with anything again.”

I considered several things: • These terms were okay with me.• If I refused, it wouldn’t be worth the

scene and the hard feelings.• I got very clear with myself that if I com-

plied, it would be a gesture of peace-keeping and not about her ultimatum. I have other resources and am not de-

pendent on her, so in the name of peace, I cut the pinned legs.

When she hauled out her “I only have ten more minutes” routine, it was music to my ears! I decided it would be okay to have only one leg of all my pants cut and would ask a friend to help me with the unfinished legs.

My pants are still in good condition, I didn’t participate in my mother’s disease, and I kept my peace. I also didn’t eat over it; I emailed my sponsor instead. The other miracle is that I don’t feel angry or resentful. The more I work the Principles, the more I see my mom’s sickness. Before, I would have been so angry I could have kicked something, but now I’m not. I was able to protect myself adequately and feel my discomfort honestly. I think it comes down to the work I’ve done on judgment. I no longer judge anything based on how it should be. It just is.

Recently I asked my difficult, non-recovered mom to help me pin up cuffs on new pairs of business slacks. She said

sure, that was fine. I was interviewing for

an executive position, so the

slacks had to look great.

HP gave me the op-

portunity to put my pro-

gram where my mouth is. I simply

needed someone to pin the cuffs, so I could

hem them. But when I got to her house, she went

into this ultra-controlling, codependent agenda, saying

I had to do it the professional way. (My great grandfather was a

professional tailor, so my family has huge expectations about sewing.) She said it was “so easy a child could do it,” “there’s something wrong with you if you can’t do it,” and “all you have to do is . . . .” You get the idea.

I wanted to scream! All I needed was for her to pin the cuffs, and then I would cut and sew them my way. Well, she refused to pin both legs. Ever since I was little, this is exactly what she’s done when I have asked for help—invalidate my self-deter-mination around my needs and desires.

I just about cried, but I recognized I was in deep recovery doo-doo, so I decided to change the pattern this time. I popped off to the “little chapel down the hall” to ask HP for protection and guidance. I reminded myself of the “three Cs”: I didn’t cause her behavior, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. None of this was about me.

12 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

I can’t please two higher powers, so how do I stop and turn to the deserving one? I am walking this path:1. My fear doesn’t make it right for me

to be deceptive. Honesty is the First Principle for a good reason.

2. All the people I know in OA cannot be wrong. There is a power greater than me who gives me hope.

3. I have an able mind, a good under-standing, and the right to choose my higher power. I “make a decision to turn my will and my life over” based on that faith.

4. I confront my fear, and my husband, with courage found in the Fourth Step.

5. I am a whole person and will act with integrity, knowing I’d prefer scorn from a man than disappointment from the power I choose to serve.

6. When fear holds me back and I want to hide in the food, I will ask for will-ingness because, when I honestly and humbly ask, it is given.

7. Asking humbly brings me to part with my character defects, not all at once but without my weakness making a stumbling block for my husband, sponsees, children, and others.

8. I find self-discipline to look at those I’ve harmed but not to remain stuck in another’s view of wrongs I’ve done.

9. I will love enough to take my truth to those people, to admit how I’ve harmed them.

10. I will persevere on days when the walk is easy and especially when it is not.

11. I will turn to a power greater than me, not one my fears pull me to, and rely on that real power.

12. I will serve my husband, family, friends, and colleagues—anybody I meet and am led to offer my love.

In doing this, I’ll have a relationship

Mom is just the way she is. I love her and feel sad that I need to distance myself from her, but there you have it. Nothing will improve between us until she gets sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I’m already sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I am doing something new.

— Caitlyn J.

Serving Which Power?When my sponsor wrote, “Your

concerns about him are what block you from the God of your understanding,” I wanted to scream. I could change many things, but not my husband. I had tried and failed for decades. Yet when I found courage to change the person I can, me, he changed too.

Not until four years into OA did I evolve into a person with enough self-worth to refuse a toxic relationship. Only then did

I move out. With another year’s recovery, living alone and thriving, I could return on my own terms with belief in my own worthiness. Reunited, my husband and I both learned during the next two years. Then my sponsor pointed out the remain-ing hurdle: As long as the goals of my daily decisions were to serve my husband, avoid angering him, and convince him of my competence, concern, and love for him, then he would be my higher power.

September 2015 www.oa.org 13

with a power greater than me who can give me understanding of how to serve those who are not my higher power.

— Barbara R.

Taking Time I am an abstinent, compulsive over-

eater since October 2, 2007, and maintain a 30 to 40 pound (14 to 18 kg) weight loss. Other gifts granted to me by recovery are the ability to set healthy boundaries and the knowledge that I am worthy of having my boundaries observed and needs met.

Through the Twelve Steps, I learned I used approval seeking and people pleasing to survive my upbringing in an alcoholic home, but using these strategies today only perpetuates my suffering and cuts me off from the person I am meant to be: an assertive, strong woman who lov-ingly and kindly expresses her needs and opinions without trying to manage and control others’ responses and reactions.

In recovery, I am more in tune with myself, so I can better discern when my boundary is crossed. For example, I re-ceived unduly negative feedback from my boss about a presentation. After receiving the feedback, I felt my feelings and was reminded by a program friend that my needs and feelings are worth expressing. I wanted to express myself honestly and with an open heart because, in my experi-ence, setting boundaries that don’t cross others’ boundaries must be done with openhearted love and understanding.

The next day, I meditated on forgive-ness toward my boss and myself. Like me, he seeks to have his needs met, avoid suffering, find happiness, and learn about life. This helps me see the other person is not my enemy but an ordinary person who is communicating personal needs the best he or she can.

When I was ready to talk with my boss and surrender the outcome, I asked if I could give feedback about his feedback. I expressed gratitude for his comments but also said I needed acknowledgement of what I did well. I expressed clearly, calmly, and lovingly exactly how his nega-tive feedback made me feel.

Then the miracle happened: He acknowledged my feelings, admitted he was overly critical, and asked to hear my thoughts about the presentation. I left feeling relieved and empowered, like I was heard and my needs were met.

In the past, I would have swallowed my feelings, internalized the criticism, and al-lowed my heart to harden in resentment. Today I know I am worthy of being heard and that I can trust the outcome to my Higher Power. Whether I am received well by others, I can trust that taking time in prayer and meditation to ask for direction and an open heart is acting in accordance with the will of my Higher Power.

— Alanna

14 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

When I am at home, the dog and cats are quite happy to share me with my program. We congregate to read, write, and even meditate, breathing in the sweet aroma of candles or incense. I spend an average of one hour each day on a myriad of OA-related activities: meditating, reading, writing my inventories, preparing for meetings, doing treasurer reports, and checking the website. My pets are with me when I talk with OA members on the phone. But this is one less hour per day that I spend with my husband.

It Takes TimeAt this stage of my life and OA program, my immediate family

circle consists of my husband, our dog, two cats, and me. The kids are married and gone—they don’t even live in adjacent states. I work full-time, and my husband is retired. When I read the Lifeline topics, I had an instant answer: I am often out of the house because of the the time commitment required to work on my recovery, and this reduces the amount of time I can spend with my husband.

The

NormalNew

September 2015 www.oa.org 15

My husband is less happy with my OA schedule. He is delighted I have lost almost 100 pounds (45 kg) and am much more serene, but the time I take to work my program troubles him. I attend all three OA meetings my town offers each week. On Thursdays I meet my sponsor and other members right after work and stay out until our meeting ends at 8 p.m. On Saturdays I leave home at 7:30 a.m. if I’m meeting my sponsor before the meeting. Otherwise I leave an hour later. On the first Saturday of each month, the business meeting occurs after the regular meeting. Not counting my Monday noon meeting, I am out of the house seven hours a week to work on my recovery.

After two years in program, I volun-teered to be the intergroup representa-tive for one of the meetings because you can’t keep it unless you give it away. Our intergroup meets on the second Saturday of the month, 85 miles (137 km) from my home. I often carpool after my local Saturday meeting, and may not get home until 6 p.m. I also agreed to prepare the monthly intergroup newsletter, which requires about two hours of work each month. I make additional time commit-ments during the year for OA workshops, conventions, and other events.

Am I complaining or bragging about the time I spend on my program? No, I am making an observation. Until now, I had not realized how much time I dedicate to my recovery.

I don’t know how I will modify my pro-gram from this point forward. What I do know is I am much less self-absorbed and much happier now than when I started the OA recovery program, and I am grate-ful my husband wants to spend more time with me.

— Barbara C., Newberry, Florida USA

Among FriendsTen years ago I walked into the

rooms, and my life changed beyond my wildest dreams. I was never at a loss for friends, but many of those friends were not healthy for me. I had to let some of them go. With others, including family members, I learned how to set boundar-ies. But the friends I have in these rooms are the friends I now know I longed for.

My friends in program are the only ones I can let my hair down with and not be afraid of the repercussions. When I need to get something off my chest or talk about something good in my life, I share with my program friends first and family and friends outside of the rooms second.

What has changed the most about my relationships is that I finally have an ever-changing relationship with my Higher Power. Wow! I didn’t have any type of relationship with a power greater than myself, let alone one I chose to call God.

Through OA I have been able to define what I want and need from HP. The good part is I ask for what I need and don’t feel guilty about those needs. Some days are better than others, but when I am willing to be still and listen to my HP’s will for me, life is infinitely better both in and out of these rooms.

— Edited and reprinted from The Trans-formation newsletter, Central Ohio Service Intergroup, February 2009

Match and BlendI have company coming for sev-

eral nights, and I’ve been cleaning out a closet, so she will have closet space. I have to deal with items placed there years ago and just left. I am pulling them out and making decisions: Should I throw this away? Can I use this somewhere? Can someone else use this?

16 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

need to buy items that match my lifestyle and blend with other colors in my closet. I need to replace outdated clothes with items that make me feel confident and comfortable when I wear them.

I need relationships not based solely on attraction but also on a foundation of mutual friendship and trust, like I find in OA meetings.

— Margaret W., Wilmington, North Carolina USA

My New WayUntil age 40, I was a real people

pleaser and, with a big smile pasted on my face, always looked outside myself for validation. What a lie that was. Living a lie is hard work, and most of the time I ate to

keep the lie in place.When I turned 40 and began my

journey of personal growth, I became less concerned with

pleasing other people and more concerned with being my own person. Now I have friendships that help me feel valued

and worthy.My new way of think-

ing today is that if friends consistently don’t seem to

value me, then I softly end the friendship. It is important for me to be around healthy and encouraging people. I feel more present in friend-ships since I came into OA.

OA teaches me dignity and gives me Tools and techniques to come

back to the present moment if I go backtracking or future-tripping. Unfor-tunately, one aspect of this dignity is feeling it has been truly tested by fellow OA members. I feel sad about that, but it also points to my Pollyanna outlook that

I have also been “cleaning my closet” of relationships. They just do not all fit anymore. How do I decide which ones still fit and which to throw away? My first criterion is how I feel when I’m around the person. Do I feel good about myself? Do I feel contentment? Do I feel angry? Do I feel maneuvered to take care of the person? For the most part, deciding which relationships to let go of has been easy, but giving up on fixing a relation-ship has been more difficult. For some, I quit making any contact, and they also did not try. (I like to believe I was no longer meeting their needs either.) For others, I limit my time with them, and I say the Serenity Prayer a lot when they are around.

When talking to my sponsor about the situation, her response was, “You are cleaning out, making room for new.”

“But it feels empty now,” I replied. Once my closet is emptied, what do

I refill it with? Should I put in the sale item that was such a bargain? How about the shoes that match nothing else? No, I

September 2015 www.oa.org 17

OA should be one happy family—and that thought is my disease talking. I have come to see that this thought will never really be true in OA or anywhere else.

But in OA, we can come together because of our common disease and journey side by side on the wide road of recovery. I can be civil and real in meet-ings, but I don’t have to participate in false cheerfulness before or after. All I have to be is cordial, and I can be that to just about any-one, anytime. So I keep my OA pals close, wish the best for the others, and go on working my program, hope-fully in a dignified manner.

— Edited and reprinted from The Heartbeat of Recovery newsletter, Region One, Winter 2006/2007

Anyone Else’s BlessingsOne thing I’ve definitely

learned from this program is that tiny changes in atti-tude create huge changes in my life. I just returned from a weekend trip to visit a high school friend out of state. I have made the trip before and have always come home hat-ing my body, my life, and my whole self. She’s my best friend, yet the strongest feeling I have always had toward her is jealousy. By my standards of perfection, she isn’t thin, overly smart, or completely financially stable. Nevertheless, I have always thought her life is so much better than mine.

This weekend, I saw for the first time that my life is the life I want, not hers. When I think about what changed my mind, the answer is simply that I changed it from the inside. My sponsor taught me

to love myself, to be grateful, and to ac-cept the gifts I have been given, whatever they are. It was only once I started to accept that this is who I am—fat, bril-liant, and quirky—that I could see that I’m actually pretty neat. Once I started deliberately looking at how blessed I am

with tiny everyday things that make life so inspiring, I could

understand that anyone else’s

blessings just wouldn’t fit me.

This program only works

for me when I love myself enough to let it happen. If I don’t think I’m worthy of recovery, I will never recover. It took me

two years to learn that, and I have to re-mind myself of it every day. When I make up my mind to let HP take care of me instead of trying to orchestrate a picture perfect life for myself, I am free to love the people in my life unconditionally instead of secretly wishing they were just a little bit fatter, a little bit messier, and a little less of what I want for myself.

My relationships are on their way to becoming fulfilling and amazing, and the only thing that has really changed is the relationship I have with myself.

— Edited and reprinted from Calling newsletter, South Central Pennsylvania Intergroup, November 2005

18 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

Working AllTwelve Steps

Follow Me

Q Can you retrace your Steps? How can that help you complete your

current Step and move on to the next?

As a longtimer who has forty-one years in OA and who maintains an over 150-pound (68-kg) weight loss, I am fre-quently asked

what the secret is to getting and maintain-ing abstinence and recovery. My reply is always the same: It’s not a secret. It’s working and living all Twelve Steps of OA.

Voices of Recovery further explains, “if you really want to know how I work my program, you will have to follow me around for at least one day. Deception comes easily to this compulsive over-eater. Through sheer force of my self-will run riot, I can appear to be working the perfect OA program. But to be the mes-sage . . . takes a commitment to working our Twelve Steps, to being abstinent, and most important, to sharing my successes, as well as my failures, with others. This commitment is one I must make continually, to live well and be well, one day at a time, with God’s help” (p. 131).

I am able to keep and maintain abstinence and recovery only because:12. I am able to try to carry the message

to compulsive overeaters and practice the Principles of the program in all my affairs, a direct result of a spiritual awakening, which is possible only because . . .

11. I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand him, praying only for knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry it out, which I have the freedom to do because . . .

10. I am able to take a daily personal inventory and when I am wrong,

promptly admit it, which is possible only because . . .

9. I made direct amends to all the persons I had previously harmed wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others, which I could do only because . . .

8. I made a list of all persons I had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all, which I was ready to do only because . . .

7. I humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings, possible only because . . .

6. I was entirely ready to have God re-move all my defects of character, which happened only because . . .

5. I admitted to God, myself, and anoth- er human being the exact nature of my wrongs, which I could do only because . . .

4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself, which I was ready to do only because . . .

3. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I un-derstand him, possible only because . . .

2. I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity, which I was open to believing only because . . .

1. I admitted that I was powerless over food and my life was unmanageable.Today I live well and am well. My life is

happy, joyous, and free because, in addi-tion to the above, I give service and write to Lifeline. Thank you for my life.

— Nancy J., Corona del Mar, California USA

September 2015 www.oa.org 19

LIVING TRADITIONS

Tra d i t i o n

9OA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

So Much BalanceWhen I first joined OA, I

avoided the Traditions. I thought they were boring and for the

“higher-ups.” After I started attending intergroup and took a board position, my sponsor suggested that I read the Traditions. More than ten years later, I still practice and work through the Traditions because, like the Steps, they are a plan for living. Just like the Steps, they build on each other to create a strong spiritual foundation. I learn something new every time I work them with sponsors and sponsees and in Traditions workshops. I share this because I was moved once again while studying Tradition Nine.

Tradition Nine teaches me to trust HP and to focus on the Fellowship, rather than some organizational structure or outside power. The purpose of service boards, such as intergroups, is to help us reserve meeting time for the Steps and Traditions. Disseminat-ing public information, maintaining an office, publishing newsletters, and planning special events can be addressed during intergroup, and that leaves meeting times free for us to focus on Fellowship and recovery. However, since there is no organizational power structure, groups are left to govern themselves so long as they do not affect other groups or OA as a whole.

To me, speaking up when a group member is ignoring the Traditions is scary—I want everyone to like me! It’s comforting to read in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous that “Individuals who have a healthy respect for the group conscience will follow guidelines the group has decided upon . . . . When individuals are ignoring the group conscience, every member has a right and responsibility to speak out” (p. 182). This reminds me of Tradition Seven. We must be self-supporting because there are no “higher-ups” who will come in and make sure everyone follows the group conscience. When I see someone reading from outside literature, promoting outside is-sues, or cross talking, it’s my responsibility to speak my truth. The OA Twelve and Twelve reminds me that after I do so, I must accept the results. Sometimes that can mean criti-cism or a less than serene meeting, but after I’ve shared my truth, I can leave the results to HP.

There is so much balance in that. I don’t need to control the outcome, only to do my part. I pray HP gives me the courage to do so, as the survival of OA depends on carrying the message contained in the Steps and Traditions.

— Anonymous, St. Louis, Missouri USA

20 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

Stepping OutS t e p

9

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Listen to Your HeartAfter doing the dreaded Fourth Step

and feeling the wonderful release following Step Five, you’d think approaching those you had harmed might be easier. It was not. I discussed this with both my sponsor and counselor and listened to their wisdom but ultimately decided to listen to my heart.

After about nine months in OA, I decided Step Nine needed to be done. I gathered my Fourth Step inventory, figured out my part in the issues listed, and began to write. Methodically, I listed a name and wrote my amends based on my contribution to the failure of that re-lationship and without thoughts of how it might be received. I had no expectations of forgiveness, but long ago I had forgiven those who had harmed me.

My first amends, against my coun-selor’s advice, was to my first husband, an alcoholic for most of our twenty-year marriage. Without excusing his drink-ing, I made amends for my failures in our marriage. He received my amends the day before he was diagnosed with ter-minal colon cancer. He died five months later. My Higher Power was certainly working with me.

In the months before he died, we had several emotional telephone conversa-tions, and I took my children and the grandchildren, whom he had never met, to see him. I later learned that after forty years of drinking he had stopped, thinking it was causing the pain in his gut. Instead his drinking masked a more serious ailment.

My son asked me to arrange the funer-al. Even though I had been divorced from his father for twenty years and despite the codependency and pain of our marriage, I agreed. I did it for my children and for closure, and I wanted to give their father the dignity one should have at a time like this. I shopped for his funeral clothes, the flowers, the music, and the funeral home. After the funeral, I provided a luncheon at my home. For this one afternoon, I was his widow and helped my children cope. Someone told me this was my real amends, and I believe it was.

I made many other amends. Most went well. One went painfully bad. I needed to detach in love from one who wanted to be a victim and harangue me about our childhood issues.

Step Nine helps us take responsibility for our behavior and rid ourselves of the festering guilt we bury deep inside, which comes out in compulsive overeating. I have done this and been abstinent for the second time since October 14, 2007. The program works if you work it. I work it as if my life depends on it, because it does.

— Edited and reprinted from The Butterflyer newsletter, Chicago Western Intergroup, September 2008

September 2015 www.oa.org 21

Service with a Smile

Soul CarverFor me, service is a concrete

way to maintain my abstinence. On the group level, doing service gets me to meetings whether I feel like going or not. Service allows me to feel I am part of the group. Service keeps me humble because I know I am not in charge. I am only doing a job that needs to be done to keep the meeting viable.

There are days when I would rather stay home and get my chores done, read a good book, or just not have to suit up and show up. I tell myself I’ll cut that to-do list down to a manageable size. But more likely than not, I don’t get to most of my chores, and I’m lacking that feeling of peace and serenity I would have if I went to a meeting and did even the smallest of service jobs.

For me service is beneficial in ways most people don’t see. They don’t see the frightened child within who grew up with no self-confidence, or the hermit who would rather be engrossed in a book than sharing a moment of joy and experience with an-other compulsive overeater. They don’t see the drab clothing I used to wear to cover the body I hated. They don’t see the person I use to be, because service has given me tools to become a different person. I wear purple to remind me that life today means I need to be passionate about the things I believe in: my OA program, living life on life’s terms, and waiting for the miracle to happen.

Service puts backbone in my mind and spirit. It coats me with confidence. It puts a smile on my face that is very difficult to erase. Most of all, service carves into my soul the belief that in order to maintain my abstinence I need to be close to the heart of Overeaters Anonymous. On the group level, I am always connected with the lifeline of the program, the very Tools that make it possible to become and remain abstinent.

Service can be as simple as showing up at a meeting and sharing one’s experience, strength, and hope. I’m fortunate to be retired and can devote my time to meetings and other areas of service. Others have to work and have less time. If the only thing these people can do for the time being is suit up and show up to a meeting and share, then who am I to complain?

I am reminded many times that we are where we are supposed to be and that our Higher Power will guide us along when we least have the willingness to continue. I am reminded that, for me, living the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions is a process taken by tiny steps as I keep in mind the slogan, “Inch by inch, it’s a cinch. By the yard, it’s very hard.”

— Joan L., La Quinta, California USA

22 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

Spiritual PathTaking the

Miraculous CollisionMy husband was unemployed for four

years. We had two children to care for, so the stress was especially intense. It paralyzed me with fear. At the same time, I was in relapse for about six years, after a 175-pound (80-kg) weight loss. Abstaining from compulsive over-eating seemed absolutely impossible for many years; I could not imagine coping a single day without using food to manage it. I was in ex-cruciating pain, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and could not stop eating.

Sometime in March, I told my therapist that on Monday, April 13, 2015, I would stop eating compulsively. It would be after my children returned to school from their spring break and after the holidays were over. As April 13 approached, I felt there was no way I’d be able to stop using food to cope. In desperation, I said to God, in whom I have very shaky faith, “If you help my husband get a job, I will stop eating!” Then on April 13, the exact day I told my therapist I would stop eating compulsively, my husband got a great job! These two major events collided in a miraculous way! I thought, “Oh my gosh, I’d better stop eating!”

I don’t know whether there is a God or if God makes deals. I don’t believe God is

punitive, but I do believe in keeping my end of an agreement. And I am extremely invigorated to do so. Some power, HP, is pushing me to go to a meeting every day, with pleasure; to want to make phone calls; to read and write; and to abstain from compulsive overeating. Within two days I mystically got a sponsor, a woman whom I adore but was afraid to ask to sponsor me in the past.

Besides all of that, I am hearing and internalizing things that I’ve heard in OA for years but could not to put to use. “One day at a time” has become “one minute at a time” for me, and that has helped me with fearful thoughts and projections.

All I can say is, “Wow!”— Lauren R.

Have you found OA to be a place for Safer Challenges (p. 8), where you can learn new ways to relate to others? What are the opportunities in OA to practice relating? How have you applied what you have learned in OA to your other relationships?

For Discussion . . . AND JOURNALING-

September 2015 www.oa.org 23

Newcomers: Send your experiences and concerns to Newcomers Corner. See the

inside cover for contact information.Newcomers Corner

humiliated. This admission is both the bedrock and foundation for recovery. Until one accepts defeat and until one is ready, abstinence will be precarious and unstable, and there will be no real happiness.

The cornerstone of recovery and abstinence is reliance on something greater than self. One must be desperate to accept the insufficiency of self and to accept the pro-gram. The Step One chapter says that few recover using self-reliance and only the most desperate swallow the truth. The less desperate generally do not succeed, in the begin-ning at least, because they cannot admit to hopelessness.

The time and effort required for one to maintain abstinence is only likely to be com-mitted to in the name of self-preservation and only after accepting that other avenues come to naught.

— Sarah P.

Swallowing the TruthI just started working

with a new sponsor and have been abstinent for sixteen days.

The Step One chapter in the AA Twelve and Twelve (pp. 21–24) constantly reiterates the need to be ready for the Steps—not just ready, but defeated, bankrupt, and

Send Us Your Stories! The next deadlines for Lifeline are . . .

September 15—How OA Changed My Life Describe your life before and after being in OA. Include your physical state before and after OA.

October 15—Abstinence Through the Ages How has your abstinence changed as your body’s needs have changed through aging, pregnancy, or other situations? How has your abstinence changed through different life stages, such as living on your own for the first time, early parenthood, or retirement? How have you adjusted your program in response to life changes? How do you make OA your first priority? If you are a young person, how do you live for today while planning for your future?Unity Day What does being part of the worldwide Fellowship mean to you and your recovery? Unity is the spiritual Principle of Tradition One. Share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Tradition One.

For more information about these and upcoming Lifeline topics, refer to the July 2015 Lifeline or visit oa.org/?p=115.

24 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

Ask-It Basket

To read previous Ask-It Basket questions and answers, visit oa.org/membersgroups/service-body-support/ask-it-basket-and-archive/.

welcome at open meetings, but only OA members and newcomers may attend closed meetings. Click Find a Meeting on oa.org to locate a meeting. Then click the “Open Details” link to confirm the meeting is open and to contact the meeting representative to confirm your visit. There, OA members can explain what OA is all about and how to start a meeting. Members may be interested in helping to start a meeting at your agency. They could also help you by providing information about OA.

You might consider purchasing a New Group Starter Kit from bookstore.oa.org and reaching out to local meetings or a nearby intergroup to invite current members to at-tend. It contains everything you need to begin an OA meeting, including the Newcomer Packet, Newcomer Welcome Coins, Suggested Meeting Format, OA Handbook, group registration form, sheets from the Group Meeting Record Book, two copies of more than two-dozen pamphlets, Lifeline magazine, and suggestions for getting started.

I am glad you have decided to look into OA as an option for people in your area.— Members of the Board of Trustees provide answers to these questions

I am interested in learning more about how to offer Overeaters Anonymous at my nonprofit agency. Do you have a start-up program or steps on how to start this program?

If you are a member of the professional community who would like to offer an Overeaters Anonymous meet-ing or provide information on OA to people in your area, I first suggest that you attend an open Overeaters Anony-mous meeting. OA members, newcomers, and visitors are

SHARE IT

Letters must have a complete name and address. Please specify if your name, city, state, province, and/or country should remain anonymous if published.

Helped by WritingToday we used the July

2014 issue of Lifeline, Generally Speaking, to read and discuss in

our small meeting. We were particularly encouraged by the story “Be Encouraged” (p. 4), which showed me writing is important because it helps others.

In contact with someone else by phone, I read the article aloud, and so the encour-agement goes on. Thank you for Lifeline. All the OA literature helps in my recovery.

—Elaine G., New Zealand

September 2015 www.oa.org 25

MORE THAN ONE HUNDRED STO-RIES OF RECOVERY H IGHLIGHT-ING EACH OF THE TWELVE STEPS , THE TRADITIONS, THE TOOLS OF RECOVERY, AND MUCH MORE.

Now available for purchase at bookstore.oa.org (#970/$13.50;

#971/$303.75, box of 25). Shipping not included. Call 505-891-2664 to place an expedited order. E-book available

soon from online retailers.

Save the Date!World Service

Convention 2016“Recovery: The Trail to

Freedom!”Boston Marriott

Copley PlaceBoston, Massachusetts USA

September 1–4, 2016

Lodging reservations openSeptember 2015. Convention

registration opens January 2016.

Web LinksDiscover interesting and helpful OA website links.

NEW! OA Handbook for Members, Groups, and Service Bodies: Get the newly revised and expanded OA Handbook. Search item #120 at bookstore.oa.org.

NEW! A Step Ahead, Third Quarter 2015: Read and share OA’s free news-letter for members, groups, and service bodies. Download it at oa.org/pdfs/ asa_q3_15.pdf.

WSBC 2015 Final Conference Report: Find workshop summaries, committee reports, and more from WSBC 2015 at oa.org/pdfs/fcr_15.pdf.

2016 Lifeline Topics: Share your recovery story. Find topics and submission deadlines for next year’s issues and be inspired at oa.org/?p=115.

OA is looking for new stories to include in an upcoming revision of the pamphlet Maintaining a Healthy Weight.

All members are encouraged to submit stories that involve any manifestation of the disease, including the experiences of members suffering from anorexia or bulimia who had to gain weight to reach and maintain a healthy weight.

The deadline for submissions is September 30, 2015.Stories of approximately 500 words have a greater chance of publication. All stories submitted are assumed intended for publication, are subject to edit-

ing, and when published become the property of OA, Inc. Submissions will not be returned. All submissions must contain the author’s full name and address.

You may request anonymity with publication, and your state, province, or country may remain anonymous if you so indicate.

Email your story to info@oa.org with the subject line “Healthy Weight.”

26 Lifeline A Meeting on the Go

Maintaining Your WeightSend Us Your Story!

Call the WSO at 1-505-891-2664 today and say

“I WANT TO BE A LIFELINE REP.”

Being a Lifeline Rep is a simple, rewarding service opportunity. Lifeline Reps announce the magazine in meetings, take subscription orders, collect subscription funds, and send the orders and funds to the World Service Office.

To be a Lifeline Rep, you must sign up with the World Service Office. Email info@oa.org or call 1-505-891-2664.

Carry the OA message. Keep OA strong. Become a Lifeline Rep and share your knowledge of this valuable OA resource to support your fellow OA members’ recovery—maybe even save a life.

G I V E S E R V I C EPROMOTE RECOVERY

®

Support LifelineLifeline is a meeting on the go.

Give service to this meeting by subscribing. Thank you!

Subscribe for yourself, a friend, a newcomer, a library, or a doctor’s office.

Your personal Lifeline is your best friend.

Name___________________________________________Phone __________________Street/PO Box____________________________________________________________City ____________________________________________________________________State/Prov/Country_____________________________________ ZIP ______________This is a gift from_________________________________Phone __________________

Credit my Lifeline Rep ____________________________________ (Full name, please)

Billing Address: ❑ Same as above Name___________________________________________Phone __________________Street/PO Box____________________________________________________________City ____________________________________________________________________State/Prov/Country_____________________________________ ZIP ______________

Lifeline is published 10 months a year, with the combined May/June issue published May 1 and November/December published November 1.

Send exact amount, US funds only; all other funds will be returned.Enclosed is a check ___ money order ___ in US funds made out to World Service Office.Charge my VISA ____ MasterCard ____ Discover _____Card # ________________________ CVS # ______Expiration Date _____________________________Signature _________________________________

Lifeline Order

No. Yrs. US Canada Outside US/Canada1 yr. ❑$23 ❑$29 ❑$382 yrs. ❑$44 ❑$56 ❑$743 yrs. ❑$63 ❑$81 ❑$108

Total Enclosed: ____________ New ❑ Renewal ❑Allow six weeks for delivery; mailed in plain, unmarked envelope.

Send to: Lifeline, PO Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020 USA • FAX 1-505-891-4320 • Tel. 1-505-891-2664

Save Online! Save $10 by subscribing to e-Lifeline magazine. Instead of paying $23 to receive Lifeline by mail, pay $13 to view it online. E-Lifeline has everything found in the print version plus a one-page Lifeline Weekly delivered via email and 10 issues of archives online. Subscribe at www.oa.org.

Cu

t

The Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come

first; personal recovery depends upon OA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or OA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the compulsive overeater who still suffers.

6. An OA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the OA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every OA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Overeaters Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. OA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the OA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and other public media of communication.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all these Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

The Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless

over food—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Permission to use the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.