Certified Happiness Coach Manual

The Kolachi Method : Level 2

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Certified Happiness Coach with Syed Irfan

CopyrightThis manual is the part of Kamyaby Digest`s comprehensive and systematic program entitled The KOLACHI Method: A Happy Life Process.All rights reserved of this manual. No part of this manual may be reproduced by any means including photocopying, electronic, mechanical, recording, or otherwise without the written permission is granted on written request to publish or translate this work. But use of this manual is encouraged for the humanity purpose to make people happier and prosper. The creator of the Kolachi Method would be glad to give that kind of permission, and be encouraged.

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To create a high-performance team, we must replace typical management activities like supervising, checking, monitoring, and controlling with new behaviors like coaching and communicating. RAY SMITHCEO, Bell-Atlantic

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Certified Happiness Coach - CONTENTS

First thing first The Unhappiness Epidemic

Part 1 : Introduction and Invitation to Coaching

What is coaching?

Part 2 : Understanding Unhappiness (and happiness)

What is happiness Emotions and body response / NLP communication model Neurological Levels Beliefs & Values The Learning Style Our 4 Selfs

Part 3 : Coaching for Happiness

Emotional Releasing Mindfulness Meditation Breathing Gratitude 12 Session Forty-day-happiness-plan

Part 4 : Different Approaches used in Coaching

Cognitive Behavior Therapy Psychotherapy and Psycho-analysis Neuro-Linguistic Programing NLP Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy Cognitive Behavior Hypnotherapy Conversational Hypnosis Emotional Freedom Technique EFT Acupressure Reiki Emotional Intelligence EQ

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First thing first

Here is the Kolachi Method`s 2nd level, The Certified Happiness Coach. Definitely this could be your new journey towards your self-discovery, self-awareness and a happier, confident life. Moreover, you might be able to help people to control their unhappiness, and to live happier and prosper.Over the last 25 years or so, there has been an explosion of literature and accompanying research on the science of unhappiness and happiness. Most of this research has devoted to understanding what makes people happy or unhappy. In general, the research on happiness up to this point has been singularly focused on maximizing positive emotions and minimizing negative emotions.Clearly, there are benefits to experiencing positive emotions, and costs to experiencing negative emotions, and research bears this out. For one, experiences of chronic negative emotion are bad for your health. Other work suggests that increased positive emotion enhances your motivation to affiliate with and help others.Anyway, the KOLACHI Method makes you learn the happy life process easily that could be applied in daily life activities effectively. The KOLACHI Method brings a lot more information and exercises for the participants to bring the happiness in their life, and then resulting prosperity.The KOLACHI Method guarantees happiness in participants, with some conditions: take initiative to practice

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daily. Do all exercises according to instructions; follow passionately forty-day-happiness-plan.Allah may bless you and make your happier and prosper for long life. And, this experience of learning the KOLACHI Method may also make you skillful to make other people happier.

Syed Irfan AhmedCEO, Founder, Chief Editor Kamyaby Digest,Psychologist, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Life Coach Founder of the KOLACHI Method

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Consider a typical day in your life. Your alarm goes off, but you pushes the snooze button, and has to hurry to get ready for work. You race to the bus and see that you have just missed it. You are late for work. Things at the office have become problematic. Because of layoffs, workload is far heavier than it used to be. Your boss, who has never been a prince, is now even less understanding and supportive. The truth is, you hate your job but has no idea what you would do if you quit. And you cant quit, because you need to pay the rent for your apartment. But thats not all. Your relationship with your family is rocky. Theyre fighting more often. You worry about your mother, who fell last month, is still in pain, and needs more attention and time. And time is what you have too little of.You feel overwhelmed.You probably cant make it through a single day without seeing or hearing the words stress, depression, tension, anxiety etc. someplace. Just glance at any magazine stand and youll find numerous cover stories all about stress. In larger bookstores, an entire section is devoted to books on stress. TV and radio talk shows regularly feature stories documenting the negative effects of stress in our lives. Why all the fuss? Hasnt stress been around forever? Is all of this just media hype, or are people really experiencing more stress today?One good way of finding out how much unhappiness people are experiencing is to ask them about the unhappiness in

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their lives. Here are some findings from recent polls and surveys that did just that: American Psychological Association found that 44% of

Americans said that their unhappiness levels had increased over the past five years.

That same study reported that one in five American adults (22 percent) believe themselves to be in fair or poor health, and this group reports higher levels of stress than those in better health.

A Harris Interactive survey of more than 1,550 Americans found that 46 percent reported that their stress level is higher than it was five years ago. Eighty percent said they experienced medium or high stress levels at work. Sixty percent said they experienced these same levels at home.

The World Health Organisation estimates there are only 320 psychiatrists in Pakistan to deal with 176 million patients.

The Crescent Post says, Most people in Pakistan are living with a continued sense of helplessness, and rather than dealing with it they are accepting it. There is no concept of psychiatric social work in Pakistan. When your physical well-being is not guaranteed and you dont have enough to feed your children your mental health is not a priority.

HAPPINESS & UNHAPPINESS:I consciously used the word happiness or unhappiness in my lecture and literature. When I use the word happiness, it means all positive or constructive feelings a man can experience or want to experience. And, when I use the word unhappiness, it means all negative or destructive feelings a man can experience or want to escape from it.

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Though, generally we use some selected words for happiness or unhappiness, there are deep meanings in all these words. For instance, the word passion is a positive feeling that describes the burning desire to do something. And, the word depression describes some unexpectedness or sorrow towards something. While the word anxiety relates to the worry of future.Here is a short introduction to some of positive and negative feelings, we feel in our daily life. As a happiness coach, you should be aware of these terms, and what they mean technically and scientifically.STRESS is the body's reaction to a change that requires a physical, mental or emotional adjustment or response. Stress can come from any situation or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, nervous, or anxious. Stress is caused by an existing stress-causing factor or "stressor."Dealing with a serious illness or caring for someone can cause a great deal of stress.TENSION or tension headache (renamed a tension-type headache by the International Headache Society in 1988) is the most common type of primary headache. The pain can radiate from the lower back of the head, the neck, eyes, or other muscle groups in the body. Tension-type headaches account for nearly 90% of all headaches. Approximately 3% of the population has chronic tension-type headaches.DEPRESSION is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living. If not cure, it increases slowly day by day.

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More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out" of. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don't get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychological counseling or both. Other treatments also may help.ANXIETY is a general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying. These disorders affect how we feel and behave, and they can manifest real physical symptoms. Mild anxiety is vague and unsettling, while severe anxiety can be extremely debilitating, having a serious impact on daily life.People often experience a general state of worry or fear before confronting something challenging such as a test, examination, recital, or interview. These feelings are easily justified and considered normal. Anxiety is considered a problem when symptoms interfere with a person's ability to sleep or otherwise function. Generally speaking, anxiety occurs when a reaction is out of proportion with what might be normally expected in a situation.Examples of anxiety disorders include social anxiety disorder (social phobia), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), specific phobias and separation anxiety disorder.SADNESS is emotional pain associated with, or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, helplessness and sorrow. An individual experiencing sadness may become quiet or lethargic, and withdraw themselves from others. Crying is often an indication of sadness. Sadness is one of the "six basic emotions" described by Paul Ekman, along with happiness, anger, surprise, fear and disgust. Sadness can be viewed as a temporary lowering of mood, whereas depression is more chronic.

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MSDs or Musculoskeletal disorders (MSDs) can affect the bodys muscles, bones, joints, tendons, ligaments and nerves. Most work - related MSDs develop over time and are caused either by the work itself or by the employees working environment. They can also result from accidents, e.g. fractures and dislocations. Typically, MSDs affect the back, neck, shoulders and upper limbs; less often they affect the lower limbs. Health problems range from discomfort, minor aches and pains, to more serious medical conditions requiring time off work and even medical treatment. In more chronic cases, treatment and recovery are often unsatisfactory the result could be permanent disability and loss of employment. MSDs are given many names, including: repetitive strain injuries, cumulative trauma disorders and soft tissue disorders.The Fourth European Working Conditions Survey (4 th EWCS, 2005) revealed that workers complain of: back pain (25%) overall fatigue (23%) muscular pains (23%)ANGER is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.But excessive anger can cause problems. Increased blood pressure and other physical changes associated with anger make it difficult to think straight and harm your physical and mental health.

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Mix with positive-minded people as a means to tap into your unexploited potential.

STEVE BACKLEY, The Champion in all of Us: 12 Rules for Success

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First of all, in this section, we present a brief introduction of some well known models, practiced in todays world.COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT) expanded the theory of behaviorism by looking at thoughts as well as actions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy stresses that specific thinking patterns cause depression. Does sadness leave you thinking that theres no way out? Are your thoughts an endless stream of self-critical statements? Do you think in all-or-nothing terms? In this therapy, you meet once a week with a therapist to begin identifying the belief systems you use on a daily basis. The goal in CBT is to correct unrealistic beliefs and distorted thoughts by replacing them with more realistic attitudes. Essentially, changing how you think will change the way you feel.CONFRONTING is how we deal with negative or disruptive behavior or less-than-acceptable job performance. COUNSELING is a short-interval, problem-solving process that targets a specific situation. The counselor offers advice and suggestions.MENTORING is a structured process for providing personal guidance and support to someone who is less experienced or new to the game- whatever the context may be, but most commonly in education, training and employment contexts. Mentors act as critical but non-judgmental friends, provide a role model and a source of useful information and advice, and can take on a coaching task (helping to improve performance). Mentoring is the process of dealing with individuals in terms of their total personality in order to advise, counsel and /or guide them through particular life challenges

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PSYCHOTHERAPY is the treatment of emotional conflicts through the use of talking and communicating with a trained professional. Also known as talk therapy, psychotherapy is practiced by psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and psychiatric nurse practitioners. There are many different schools of psychotherapy, each one working from a unique model of mind and behavior. Though the schools differ in approach and technique, they all share the same goal: to reduce unhappiness symptoms. As far as evidence-based research goes, all traditional talk therapies can be effective in reducing mild-to-moderate depressive symptoms.TEACHING is the word traditionally used to refer to those who shape, guide and accompany learning processes in schools, colleges and - to some extent higher education.Teaching relates to helping a person develop cognitive skills and capabilities. The goal of teaching is generally to assist people to increase competencies and thinking skills relevant to an area of learning. Teaching focuses on the acquisition of general cognitive abilities, rather than on particular performances in specific situations. A teacher helps a person to develop new strategies for thinking and acting. The emphasis of teaching is more on new learning than on refining ones pervious performance (as it is the case in coaching).TRAINING is the word traditionally used to refer to those who shape, guide and accompany learning processes in the initial and continuing vocational education and training sectors.Trainer is usually seen as an instructor of techniques or skills on a specific subject. COACHING is relatively a new form of profession that is profoundly different from consulting, mentoring, advice, therapy, or counseling.

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The coaching process addresses specific personal projects, business successes, general conditions and transitions in the client's personal life, relationships or profession by examining what is going on right now, discovering what your obstacles or challenges might be, and choosing a course of action to make your life be what you want it to be.BENEFITS OF COACHING: Numerous clients report that coaching positively impacted their careers as well as their lives by helping them to:

Establish and take action towards achieving goals Become more self-reliant Gain more job and life satisfaction Contribute more effectively to the team and the

organization Take greater responsibility and accountability for

actions and commitments Work more easily and productively with others

(boss, direct reports, peers) Communicate more effectively

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The walls that we build around us, to keep out of sadness, also keep out the joy.

JIM ROHNKickoff your worry habit

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Generally saying, the unhappiness is a state when a person feels himself or herself, lonely, depressed, miserable or troubled. Technically speaking, this state directly belongs to human being`s emotion or feeling. Though, it could be said that when a person feels or experiences negatively, he or she is unhappy. And, when a person feels or experiences positively, he or she is happy. Daniel Goleman, the author of bestselling book Emotional Intelligence, refers emotion to a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states and range of propensities to act. There are hundreds of emotions along with their blends variations mutation, and nuances. Indeed, there are many more subtleties of emotion than we have words for. According to famous NLPer and life coach Tony Robbins, there are more than 300000 emotions that human beings experience.Moreover, happiness or unhappiness is not a destination; its a process, according to emotions` experts. Therefore, to understand the process of unhappiness and happiness, we have to understand the mechanism of our emotions.WHAT IS EMOTION?In psychology, emotion is often defined as a complex state of feeling that results in physical and psychological changes that influence thought and behavior. Emotionality is associated with a range of psychological phenomena including temperament, personality, mood and motivation. According to author David G. Meyers, human emotion involves "...physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience."Emotions are our most reliable indicators of how things are going on in our lives. Emotions help keep us on the right

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track by making sure that we are led by more than the mental/ intellectual faculties of thought, perception, reason, memory. Different people define emotions in different ways. John D. (Jack) Mayer says, Emotions operate on many levels. They have a physical aspect as well as a psychological aspect. Emotions bridge thought, feeling, and action they operate in every part of a person, they affect many aspects of a person, and the person affects many aspects of the emotions.The latest research on emotions, the importance of emotions in human life has increased a lot. Due to this importance, it is said, we are not human being, we are emotional being.HOW WE REPRESS EMOTIONSWhen we have an experience that we find painful or difficult, and are either unable to cope with the pain, or just afraid of it, we often dismiss this emotion and either get busy, exercise more, drink or eat a bit more, or just pretend it has not happened. When we do this we do not feel the emotion and this results in what is called repressed, suppressed or buried emotions. These feelings stay in our muscles, ligaments, stomach, midriff, auras. These emotions remain buried within us until we bring that emotion up and feel the emotion, thus releasing it. Emotions that are buried on the long-term are the emotions that normally cause physical illness. The following are a few examples of the methods people use to avoid feeling their emotions:

Ignoring your feelings Pretending something hasnt happened Overeating Eating foods loaded with sugar and fat Excessive drinking of alcohol Excessive use of recreational drugs Using prescription drugs such as tranquilizers or

Prozac

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Exercising compulsively Any type of compulsive behavior Excessive sex with or without a partner Always keeping busy so you cant feel Constant intellectualizing and analyzing Excessive reading or TV Working Excessively Keeping conversations superficial Burying angry emotions under the mask of peace

and love

SYMPTOMS OF UNHAPPINESSWhenever a person experiences unhappiness, you might find some of these these symptoms in him or her:

He/she is obsessed with life being unfair. They have a negative outlook on life and towards others. Their first reaction is to doubt the intentions of others and to assume the worst of them. Unhappy people are insecure, have low self-esteem or overly sensitive egos. They have unrealistically high standards that no one can measure up to. This includes themselves; whether it's looks, morals, or achievements. They are easily offended and are too critical of themselves (secretly) and others (openly). They have a strong need to be right all the time, which makes her/him highly argumentative. They are self-righteous and blame others all the time. Their happiness is attached to events, things or others. They view everything in terms of status or

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competition including their homes, cars, partners, job titles and bank accounts. While their cheeks may smile, their eyes don't. Their laughs might be loud, but they don't sound heartfelt. They tend to exaggerate negative events. They get depressed more often and for longer periods of time. Their language is mostly critical and negative. Because of their negative disposition, these individuals can't easily relate to other people (at a deeper level), and they feel lonely. They are "control freaks and exhibit higher degrees of fear, worry, anxiety, stress or anger. Because they focus on their negative experiences, they become emotionally exhausted and can easily burnout when faced with a crisis. Because we are all creatures of habit, unhappy people are more attracted to negative situations (watching tragedies, war, court and crime shows) Unhappy people go through life missing its simple pleasures of life. They have less sex and when they do its usually less sensual, more of a conditioned routine or a performance act. Since they are not happy with themselves or their lives, they resort to escapism through workaholism, alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction or the adoption a superstitious belief system.

No one exhibits all the above symptoms at the same time or all the time. If one were to do so, s/he would become dysfunctional.HOW WE RESPOND TO OUR EXPERIENCE?This is an important question in perspective of unhappiness. NLP communication model provides a detailed answer of it.

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Have you ever had the experience of being on a roll, the feeling that you could do no wrong? A time when everything seemed to go right? May be it was a cricket match when every shot hit the boundary or a business meeting where you had all the answers. May be it was time when you amazed yourself by doing something heroic or dramatic you never thought you could do. You have probably had the opposite experience, too a day when nothing went right. You can probably remember times you messed up things you usually do easily, when every step was wrong, every door was locked, everything you tried turned out wrong.What is the difference? You are the same person. You should have the same resources at your disposal. So, why do yo produce dismal results one time and fabulous results the next? Why do even the best athletes have days when they do everything right and follow them with days when they can`t buy basket or a base hit?

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The difference is neurophysiologic state, you are in. there are enabling states confidence, love, inner strength, joy, ecstasy, belief that tap great wellsprings of personal power. There are paralyzing states confusion, depression, fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration that leave us powerless. We all go in and out of good and bad states. Have you ever gone into a restaurant and had a waitress snarl, whadday want? do you think she always communicates like that? It is possible that she had such a difficult life that. But its more likely that she`s had a bad day handling too many tables, may by stiffed by a few customers. She is not a bad person; she`s just in a terribly unresourceful state. If you can change her state you can change her behavior. This is the key point of The Kolachi Method course: if we may be able to change our neurophysiological state, we would easily handle our behavior and attitude. Understanding state is the key to understanding behavior change and achieving happiness. Our behavior is the result of the state we are in.

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NEUROLOGICAL LEVELSThe NLP Logical Levels is a valuable tool for organising our thinking, information gathering, and communication.Developed originally by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein, the Logical Levels is one of the most useful of all NLP models.Using the model enables us to understand in a clear and structured manner what makes a person 'tick'. The Logical Levels or Personality Map is a model which we can run in the background as we are chatting with or interviewing someone. In a coaching session, for example, we can use it to identify whether a person's difficulty is the result of ......

Environment: negative responses to their surroundings (e.g. workplace)

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Behaviours: adopting inappropriate physiology or actions (including breathing, tension, etc)

Skills: not having appropriate skills to do something Motivation: not being able to motivate themselves to

deal with it - because it does not fit their values Beliefs: having certain negative beliefs about the

issue which is getting in their way Identity: considering that it is something that doesn't

fit with their self-image Vision: they cannot recognise how it contributes to

their vision for their life.

Exercise: Say your partner to share a problem as coachee, while you analyze it as happiness coach at neurological levels.

BELIEFSBeliefs are what make the difference between a lifetime of joyous contribution and one of misery and devastation. Beliefs are what separate a Mozart from a Manson. Beliefs are what cause some individuals to become heroes, while others "lead lives of quiet desperation." What are our beliefs designed for? They're the guiding force to tell us what will lead to pain and what will lead to pleasure. Whenever something happens in your life, your brain asks two questions:1) Will this mean pain or pleasure? 2) What must I do now to avoid pain and/or gain pleasure?The answers to these two questions are based on our beliefs. Our beliefs are driven by our generalizations about what we've learned could lead to pain and pleasure. These generalizations guide all of our actions and thus the direction and quality of our lives. Generalizations can be

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very useful; they are simply the identification of similar patterns. For example, what allows you to open a door? You look down at handle. Although you've never seen this specific one before, you can generally feel certain that this door will open if you turn the handle right or left, if you push or pull it. Why do you believe this? Simply, your experience of doors has provided enough references to create a sense of certainty that allows you to follow through. Without this sense of certainty, we would virtually be unable to leave the house, drive our cars, use a telephone, or do any one of the dozens of things we do in a day. Generalizations simplify our lives and allow us to function. Unfortunately, generalizations in more complex areas of our lives can oversimplify and sometimes create limiting beliefs. Maybe you've failed to follow through on various endeavors a few times in your life, and based on that, you developed a belief that you are incompetent. Once you believe this is true, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may say, "Why even try if I'm not going to follow through anyway?" Or perhaps you've made a few poor decisions in business or in relationships, and have interpreted that to mean you will always "sabotage" yourself. Or maybe in school you didn't learn as quickly as you thought other kids did, and rather than considering the idea that you had a different learning strategy, you may have decided that you were "learning-disabled." On another level, isn't racial prejudice fueled by a wholesale generalization about an entire group of people? The challenge with all these beliefs is that they become limitations for future decisions about who you are and what you're capable of. We need to remember that most of our beliefs are generalizations about our past, based on our interpretations of painful and pleasurable experiences.

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The challenge is threefold: 1) most of us do not consciously decide what we're going to believe; 2) often our beliefs are based on misinterpretation of past experiences; 3) once we adopt a belief, we forget it's merely an interpretation. We begin to treat our beliefs as if they're realities, as if they are gospel. In fact, we rarely, if ever, question our long-held beliefs. If you ever wonder why people do what they do, again, you need to remember that human beings are not random creatures: all of our actions are the result of our beliefs. Whatever we do, it is out of our conscious or unconscious beliefs about what will lead to pleasure or away from pain. If you want to create long-term and consistent changes in your behaviors, you must change the beliefs that are holding you back.Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.Belief, in its core, is a type of thought that freezes in a person`s mind about anything. A person doesnt need any logical foundation to adopt a belief. But, as time passes life experiences strengthen our beliefs.Beliefs have concrete system, belief system. Therefore, it has a deep impact on person`s behavior/action. Its also very difficult to break a belief.Beliefs represent one of the larger frameworks for behavior. When you really believe something, you will behave congruently with that belief. There are several types of beliefs that need to be in place in order to achieve your desired goal.One kind of belief is called outcome expectancy. This means that you believe that your goal is achievable. In relating this to health, it means that you believe it is possible for people to get over something like cancer. When people don't believe a goal is possible (like getting over an

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illness, for example), they feel hopeless. And when people feel hopeless, they don't take the appropriate action to get well again.

No Outcome Expectancy = HopelessnessThere was an interesting study I read in Unlimited Power. A woman had interviewed 100 "cancer survivors" in hopes of finding out what these survivors had in common. She described a cancer survivor as someone who had been given a terminal diagnosis of cancer with a poor prognosis for recovery, but who was still alive and healthy, enjoying life ten or twelve years later. Interestingly enough, she could find no common patterns in the treatment received by these people.Different people received different treatments, including chemotherapy, radiation therapy, nutrition programs, surgery, spiritual healing, etc. However, there was one thing that these survivors all shared: they all believed that the method of treatment they were getting was going to work for them. The belief, not the treatment, made the difference.

THE LEARNING STYLEOne of the principles of NLP states that all of us humans regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, culture, geography, or language receive, store, and retrieve information through our five senses: sight, hearing, touch/feeling, smell, and taste. (NLP uses the physiological terms Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory to describe these five senses.)

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WHAT IS VAK? VAK stands for Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic. It is based on the findings of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Most people's senses of smell and taste are not as strong as the other three. So practically speaking we have the big three: Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic (or VAK). This tool of NLP has become very useful in understanding how people represent and communicate with the world around them.Since all learning and teaching are basically types of communication, the VAK approach to learning styles flows very naturally from what we're already experiencing. WHY VAK LEARNING STYLES? Even though most of us have full use of all five senses, it's pretty obvious that we don't all learn alike. One of the ways we differ is in the way one sense very often predominates to different degrees in various individuals.

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Once we identify our primary learning style, we can determine how the other two support and reinforce it: this becomes our unique learning style.

OUR 4 SELFSThere is a set of selfs in every human being. The concept of self is not new. Its roots meet to the ancient history, and mind sciences specially cover the subject of self. According to mind science experts, there are 4 self in every human being:

1. The emotional self that refers to emotional health. 2. The physical self that refers to physical health.3. The mental self that refers to mental health.4. The spiritual self that refers to spiritual health.

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These four aspects of a person`s self, are like four wheels of a car. The alignment in four wheels is must. These four self aspects have their own needs. Often, people focus on one or two aspects, and neglect others. Thus, the destruction begins. Talking about the happiness unhappiness subject, it is said that the imbalance in these four basic self aspects, brings us to unhappiness.

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Emotional Releasing Technique gives people relief from unhappiness caused by automatic emotional reactions reactions that we are not even aware we are doing! These automatic reactions are learned behaviors, or conditioned responses, which were somehow acquired earlier in life. Because they are automatic they can and do occur outside of your awareness you know you feel bad, you just dont know exactly why. And if you dont know why, you cannot change it. This can be extremely frustrating almost as if you have no control!But, you CAN regain control! You CAN un-learn these unhealthy behaviors. There are many different ERTs, called by many different names. The one thing they all have in common is that they help you become free of unhealthy behaviors.I found Emotional Releasing highly effective to manage any negative feeling. Therefore, I teach almost all of my clients how to release their negative even positive emotions.WHY RELEASING EMOTIONS?The majority of our emotional problems are due to negative thoughts and feelings we have acquired over the years which affect us in our daily lives. These buried emotions also act as a block to our productivity, happiness and move forward. In order to lead successful and happier lives, we must release these negative emotions.There are many ways to release or exit buried negative emotions throughout world. For The Kolachi Method, I

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have selected some of them according to the mood, skills and need of the Pakistanis.Which one is best? Often participants ask this question, and the answer is there is no answer for this. Any E.R. technique is the best which is most suitable for you and you get more benefits from it. I highly recommend that do not decide the effectiveness of any technique before practicing yourself all E. R. techniques physically. In the last, there is four-step E. R. exercise that I have created especially for the participants of The KOLACHI Method.

FOUR-STEP EMOTIONAL RELEASING TECHNIQUE

Learn how to metabolize unhappiness with this exercise

1. Aware and Accept 2. Visualize3. Welcome and Analyze 4. Release / Letgo

Almost all toxic, turbulent emotions have one cause not knowing how to deal with them. Negative feeling or emotion is normal in life, but suffering isnt. When we do not know how to deal with negative feeling, we suffer, and become unhappy. These are four-steps to make yourself free from toxic and negative emotions effectively.1. Aware and Accept:Set aside a few minutes when you wont be disturbed (an empty room is recommended). Sit comfortably and close your eyes. For a few minutes, just meditate in silence. Focus on your normal breathing normally (without any force). Now with eyes closed, recall an event in the recent

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past that is upsetting to you. Now identify exactly what you are feeling.While focusing this emotional state, accept these negative emotions. Accept that you are experience this negative emotion(s) unconsciously, and this is the first moment when you have recognized and accepted it consciously.Visualize:For the next one to five minutes, think in detail about that incident. Try to picture what actually happened as vividly as you can, as if you were reporting it for a newspaper. Put some word on the incident that describes what you are experiencing. Be as precise as you can. Do you feel unappreciated? Insulted? Treated unfairly? During visualizing the event, also focus on the emotion, and visualize that the toxic emotion that associated to that event (or the mental picture about the event) is coming towards you. into your body.3. Welcome and AnalyzeThe next, visualize that this emotion is coming toward you, entering youre your body. Let this emotion/feeling come into your body. Do not resist, until you have been doing. Welcome that negative feeling. This could be a hard not to resist, and to welcome. To make this step easier, you can also say yourself aloud: I welcome this feeling. And, imagine that your body is being filled with toxic emotion(s).Then, put your one hand on your emotion zone. Analyze where the sensation of your emotion is located in your emotion zone. Gradually allow your attention towards that spot and put your right hand on the spot (location) where you exactly are feeling that feeling. Let your attention drift into your body. Find where it is in your body that youre feeling and holding the emotional experience. Become aware of the physical sensations that arise in your body as a

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result of the emotion youve welcomed and analyzed (identified).As Deepak Chopra writes, these two elements a thought about the feeling and a physical sensation in the body are what an emotion truly is, and they cant really be separated. This is why we call it a feeling because we feel emotions in our bodies.4. Release and letgo the emotionPlace your attention on the part of your body where youre holding the emotion. With every exhalation of your breath, have an intention of releasing that tension. For the next thirty to fifty seconds, just feel the negative sensation leaving your body with every breath. Some people find that making an audible tone that resonates in that part of your body where the toxic emotion is localized helps to loosen and lift the contraction away.You can also experiment to discover what works best for you. You may try Ujjayi breathing, or taking a long warm bath. In my classes, many people find to do it easier handling any object in their left hand.

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Mindfulness is a state when a person becomes very focused on the present moment. It is moment to moment awareness. It is being fully awake. It involves being here for the moments of our lives, without striving or judging.You have felt it. Lets explore one of those times now. Remember doing something you really, really enjoyed. . . . . . . . Really. Stop reading this and close your eyes and take a few moments to remember that time right now. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . How did you feel as you recalled it? Did you notice there was little room left for distracting thoughts or feelings? Bringing our fullness of attention into anything is mindfulness. You step fully into the moment. There is a sense of completeness, of enough-ness. These are the moments of our lives when we feel most at home.Mindfulness involves a formal practice and an informal practice. In formal practice we take time for sitting meditation or mindful movement practices like walking meditation or yoga or chi gong. Informal practice is a way of life in which we meditate as we do what we do. It involves being present IN the moments of our lives. Mindfulness involves being in each moment as it is without judgment or striving and having a kind of releasement towards things. It's a relaxed state of awareness that observes both your inner world of thoughts, feelings and sensations, and the outer world of constantly changing phenomena without trying to control anything.MINDFULNESS OBSERVATIONPick a natural organism within your immediate environment and focus on watching it for a minute or two. This could be a flower or an insect, the clouds or the moon. Dont do

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anything except notice the thing you are looking at. But really notice it. Look at it as if you are seeing it for the first time. Visually explore very aspect of this glorious organism of the natural world. Allow yourself to be consumed by its presence and possibilities. Allow your spirit to connect with its role and purpose in the world. Allow yourself just to notice and be.TOUCH POINTSThink of something that happens every day more than once, something you take for granted, like opening a door for example. At the very moment you touch the door knob to open the door, allow yourself to be completely mindful of where you are, how you feel and what you are doing. Similarly, the moment you open your computer to start work, take a moment to appreciate the hands that let you do this, and the brain that will help you use the computer.The cues dont have to be physical ones. It could be that every time you think something negative you take a mindful moment to release the negative thought, or it could be that every time you smell food you take a mindful moment to rest in the appreciation of having food to eat. Choose a touch point that resonates with you today. Instead of going through the motions on auto-pilot, stop and stay in the moment for a while and rest in the awareness of this blessed daily activity.

Meditation is the best way to unclog and quiet your mind. By spending time alone with your thoughts, you learn that you are in control of them and your reactions to them. As you progress, focusing your attention on positive

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thoughts and feelings becomes easier. In turn, negative thoughts and feelings drop away.If youre suffering from severe un-happiness, however, meditation can be terrifying as you are likely very afraid of the scary thoughts that plague your mind. This is exactly why meditation will help you, because it gives you a chance to cleanse your mind and find peace.If youre like many people in our fast-paced society, you dont know how to slow down. All day long, countless thoughts fly in and out of your mind. If you stop and monitor these thoughts, youll find that some of them are pretty useless, or at least not beneficial to you.As we go through our daily routines, more and more of these thoughts arise and build up in our minds. Whats the result? More stress, more anger, more frustration, and, of course, more unhappiness.So how do you meditate? Do you need to buy an audiotape that will guide you through it? If you want to do that, go ahead, but Ive found the best results come with complete silence.

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Health has many aspects but there simply is no alternative to optimal breathing. For some, breathing development is of the utmost importance, right now. For others better breathing is an indispensable aid to superior health, peak performance, and life extension. Consider this: Science has proven that caner is anaerobic it does not

survive in high levels of oxygen. Shortness of breath and heart disease are directly linked

- the heart goes into spasm when it is deprived of oxygen.

Studies have shown that there is a high correlation between high blood pressure and poor breathing.

Most emotional issues, including breathing related anxiety and depression, are result of the nervous system being out of balance. Breathing drives the nervous system.

Optimal Breathing helps to promote weight loss. Oxygen burns fat and calories.

Breathing well is the key to sleeping well and waking up feeling rested.

Breathing provides 99% of your energy. Without energy, nothing works.

Breathing is life. Virtually every health condition and human activity is improved with Optimal Breathing.

Clinical studies prove that oxygen, wellness and life-span are totally dependent on proper breathing.

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So, learn to breath correctly. For this purpose, here you will find three breathing exercises.Breathing exercise#1. Slow your breathing downTip for instant calm. Brilliant anywhere and useful in a stressful situation... Watch a clock or wrist watch with a second hand and see if you can breath slowly and deeply enough to reduce your breathing right down by counting the seconds as you breath in and out....

Don't overdo it - start with a higher figure say 16 breaths, then 8 then 4 - breath as slowly and fully as you can (only do what feels comfortable, as everyone is different). Sense the relaxation that occurs in your body and mind as you slow your breathing down.When you can breath twice in one minute you will be really relaxed!This means breathing in for 15 seconds, breathing out for 15 seconds, breathing in again for 15 seconds, and breathing out for another 15 seconds. Only do this if it feels

comfortable - no force, no effort and no straining.Breathing exercise#2. Centre YourselfA surprisingly simple exercise that also works well is to breathe in, in one long slow breath and concentrate on the area a couple of inches below your navel (or belly button). This quickly centers your whole body and relaxes you immediately. You can do this anytime for an instant calming effect.Breathing exercise#3. Ujjayi BreathingThis Ujjayi breathing is most often used in association with the practice of yoga poses. Learn this breath while seated in a comfortable cross-legged position. You can also do it sitting on the chair.

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1. Inhale and exhale deeply through the mouth.2. On the exhales, begin to tone the back of the throat, slightly constricting the passage of air. Imagine that you are fogging up a pair of glasses.3. Once you are comfortable with the exhale, begin to apply the same toning of the throat to the inhales. This is where the name of the breath comes from: it sounds like the ocean.

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The gratitude is a highly effective way to cope with unhappiness, specially with depression and sadness. Abig reason of unhappiness is that the person focuses what s/he lacks; doesnt focus what s/he has. This approach increases disappointment. Gratitude is the ultimate solution to this.MAKE A GRATITUDE LISTFirst of all, make a list of things Allah has given you. You can categorize them in different areas like, personal, professional, family, social, etc.KEEP A GRATITUDE JOURNALWe often feel gratitude in the moment that kindness or generosity is bestowed upon us. The problem is that we soon forget about these moments and, especially during dark times, we begin to feel they never come. A gratitude journal is where you can write down the things you are grateful for each day. And when the going gets tough, you have something to remind you there is hope.WRITE A GRATITUDE LETTERSometimes we need to take time to think about the people in our lives and how they contribute to our happiness and well-being. Instead of just tossing the idea around in our brain, write a friend a note telling what you appreciate about her presence in your life. Its not even important that you give her or him this letter; just the act of writing it out will solidify your feelings of gratitude for.MAKE A GRATITUDE CREATIONExercise your artistic side by creating something that represents what you are thankful for. A collage; a sketch; or,

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if you're a more adventurous artist, try a sculpture. By incorporating elements that represent things you are thankful for, you will have a visual reminder that life isnt all that bad.MAKE A GRATITUDE APPOINTMENTSet a specific time to be grateful each day: when you wake up, when you go to sleep or before a meal. By setting this specific time, you will find yourself thinking all day of what you are grateful for, so at your gratitude appointment, you wont be caught empty handed.

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Here, we are giving twelve sample CBT sessions, and guideline. You can process them in CHC training and often in real life coaching.

INTRODUCTORY SESSION - MEETINGIntroduce yourself to client.

Name, position, brief orientation on todays session2. Ask the coachee or client:

What worries you most about yourself?3. Explain the purpose of CBT treatment.

To provide skills to manage depression.4. Explain issues surrounding confidentiality and the nature of communication with coachee.

Explain how you will be maintaining confidential the information discussed during sessions. If there is information that you understand the coachee`s need to know (whether because it represents a danger for the coachee, or because it is necessary for the coachees treatment) Explain that therapy sessions are for the client, and that at the end of treatment, there will be a meeting the feedback. If during the course of treatment, the client feels that there is information that you should know (i.e. if symptoms are worsening, if the client has expressed suicidal ideation, or if he/she has experienced a significant negative life event), then they should contact you by phone and/or arrive 5-10 minutes earlier that the programmed therapy session to discuss the situation.

5. Establish the day and time of therapy sessions.

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Underline the importance of punctuality and consistent attendance. Tell client or his or her colleague that it is important that they be at the clinic when the coachees session or appointment has been set. Inform your coachee that sessions should only be cancelled in case of emergencies and if possible with 24 hours notice. Explain how this treatment has different educational and skill building components that follow a logical sequence based on weekly sessions and can be affected by frequent absences or lateness.

6. Provide the family with telephone numbers were they can reach you.

Clinic phone numbers Emergencies (therapist cell phone number)

7. Answer any questions the coachee or client might have.

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- 1 -HOW YOUR THOUGHTS

AFFECT YOUR MOOD

Introduce yourself sharing relevant personal information. If the coachee doesnt respond, you can share information similar to information you want your coachee to share by modeling.2. Encourage the coachee to share personal information such as:

Where he/she was born, information about his/her history or development Things about his/her family The school he/she attends What his/her principal interests are (goals, likes and dislikes, hobbies) Things about him/herself that they consider important

3. Ask about their main problems (for example, you can ask about worries or difficulties). You can also ask: What would you like to change or improve about your life?4. Present the purpose of todays session.Todays session has several goals:

Get to know each other better Discuss the rules for the sessions (see below) Learn what unhappiness is Learn how your thoughts affect the way you feel

The purpose of this session is to introduce you to the therapy in which you are going to participate.

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This kind of skills we provide are called "COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY"

o "Cognitive" refers to our thoughts.o "Behavioral" refers to our actions.o Unhappiness has most to do with our feelings.

By identifying thoughts and actions that affect our feelings, we can learn to gain more control over them and improve our mood (feel better).Use this diagram how we understand unhappiness to explain Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Fig. How we understand unhappiness

This treatment for unhappiness consists of three therapy levels. We focus on what is going on in your life right now, in the present. - How your thoughts affect your mood. - How your actions affect your mood. - How your relationships affect your mood.

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In this type of treatment we try to teach people practical things they can use in their daily lives.We expect that the most important effect of this treatment will be to learn to understand and manage the things that affect your mood (how you feel).What is unhappiness? What does it mean to be unhappy?Ask this question in a way that will encourage the client to share information about his/her personal experience. The word unhappiness (or s/he may use the words depression, stress, anxiety) is used in many ways. Unhappiness can mean:

- a negative feeling that lasts a few minutes- a mood that lasts a few hours or a few days- a clinical condition that lasts for at least two weeks- causes strong emotional suffering- makes it difficult to carry out our daily activities

This treatment focuses on treating clinical unhappiness.7. Using the clients answers to the previous section, present the symptoms of clinical depression integrating symptoms that the client has said he/she experiences. Ask if he/she has experiences any of the following symptoms.People with clinical depression generally have five or more of the following symptoms: feeling depressed or down nearly every day not being interested in things or unable to enjoy things

you used to enjoy appetite and/or weight change (eating more or less than

you are used to) sleeping problems (difficulties falling asleep, waking up

often, waking up too early or being unable to fall back asleep, sleeping too much)

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changes in how fast you move (either being too restless or moving very slow)

feeling tired all the time feeling worthless or guilty problems thinking, concentrating, or making decisions thinking about death or hurting yourself (suicide)8. Following questions can be used as a guide for a discussion on how cognitive-behavioral therapy can be applied to the coachees particular experience or situation: What kinds of thoughts pass through your mind when

you feel depressed, sad or stressed? What do you do when you feel depressed or stressed? How do you get along with others when you are

depressed or stressed?9. Close this discussion on depression by reviewing how we understand depression. You should use the diagram How we understand depression using information the client has shared during the session.10. INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT OF HOW OUR THOUGHTS AFFECT OUR MOOD (HOW WE FEEL):* Having certain types of thoughts can make you feel more or less depressed. By thoughts we mean things that we tell ourselves. Thoughts can have an effect on your body Thoughts can have an effect on your actions (what do) Thoughts can have an effect on your mood (how feel)* Provide a good example of how a thought can have an effect on your body, your actions and your mood. For example: Youre walking down a deserted street and you see a person walking quickly behind you. He looks serious, he is looking at you and you think that he is going to mug or rob you. Immediately, your body, your actions and your

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mood react to this thought. You start sweating, your heart races, and you feel a knot in your stomach. You start looking over your shoulder and walking faster. You feel nervous or afraid. The person reaches you, and quickly walks past you, getting farther and farther away. You think he was just in a hurry.11. A good way to think about this type of therapy is that you will learn specific ways to change your thoughts and your actions so that you feel better.12. Explain the purpose of therapy:The purpose of this therapy is to treat depression by teaching your different ways to better control how you feel. There are four goals we want to work towards:

1. To lessen or eliminate feelings of depression or stress2. To shorten the time you feel depressed or stressed3. To learn ways to prevent or avoid getting depressed or stressed again4. To feel more in control of your life

MODE METERThis exercise should be given to your client or coachee as homework. Tell him or her that you will fill this log weekly to know and analyze your mood day by day.To complete it, at the end of each day, mark how you felt or how your mood was in general for that day. For example, if it was the worst then you should circle number 10 or 9; if is was regular then you would circle number 5; and if is was the best then you would circle number 9. Lets do one to practice using your mood yesterday. Use the Mood mometer in your manual.Bring it completed to next weeks session. So we can discuss it.

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AFFECT YOUR MOODReview or summarize briefly the following concepts discussed in last segment (promote client participation in this review): Unhappiness (depression, stress, anxiety, tension etc) Cognitive Behavioral therapy for unhappiness Mood meter: How did you feel completing it each day?

Any surprises? Reinforce the important of completing the mood meter

as a way to see how mood fluctuates.1. WHAT ARE THOUGHTS?Ask this open question to facilitate a discussion about thoughts. Include the definition presented below: Thoughts are ideas (phrases or sentences) that we tell ourselves. We are constantly talking to ourselves internally, but often were not always aware of it. It is helpful to think about thoughts as "objects" (ideas) that have a real effect on our bodies and minds.2. YOUR THOUGHTS AFFECT YOUR MOOD (HOW YOU FEEL): Different types of thoughts produce different effects on

your mood. Some thoughts increase symptoms of unhappiness, while others help you feel better.

3. HOW DO PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION THINK?Ask this open question promoting a brainstorm on the typical thoughts people with unhappiness might have. Some of the thoughts generated during this brainstorm can be used later on and classified according to the following material.

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Of these thoughts you mentioned, which ones have you had?People with depression tend to have different types of negative thoughts (inflexible, judgmental, destructive and unnecessary). You can use the contrast between the different types of thoughts.NEGATIVE Thoughts are all thoughts that make you feel bad, for example: I am always going to feel depressed or I am useless.POSITIVE Thoughts make you feel better, for example: I can do things to feel better. I am getting better each day.INFLEXIBLE Thoughts are thoughts that are rigid, thoughts that dont change. For example, a depressed person might think: Im the only one they ask to do things at our house. I cant do anything right.FLEXIBLE thought that could help avoid depressed feelings could be: My parents almost always ask me to do things, but sometimes they ask my sister. There are lots of times when I do things right.JUDGMENTAL Thoughts are negative thoughts about ourselves. For example, a depressed person might think: Im ugly or Im a loser.A non judgmental flexible thought could be: I might not be the most attractive person in the World, but Im not the ugliest. I have qualities that make me a nice person" or I can't please everybody."DESTRUCTIVE Thoughts harm us. For example, I am worthless., Nothing I do comes out right., Ive made so many mistakes theres no way to solve my problems.Constructive thoughts help you feel better. For example, I can learn to control my life so I can do what I really want.UNNECESSARY Thoughts dont change anything and they make us feel bad. For example, A hurricane is going to hit

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us or something bad is going to happen to my parents or theyre not going to give me permission to go.NECESSARY Thoughts remind you of the things you have to do, such as: I have to do my homework to improve my grades or Mom asked me to do the dishes before going to the party.4. HOW DO PEOPLE WHO ARENT DEPRESSED THINK?Illustrate the differences between thoughts that depressed people have versus thoughts that people who arent depressed have.THEY CAN SEE THE POSITIVE SIDE OF THINGSo Depressed: My family is a disaster. Im stupid."o Flexible: My family has their problems, but they also have good things. If I can create good study habits I can improve my grades.DONT DEFINE THEMSELVES BY THEIR MISTAKES, THEY LEARN FROM THEMo Depressed: The coach pulled me out of the game, Im

useless., I got an F, I am a loser.o Flexible: Today I had a bad day, I didnt play too well.

Ill have to practice a bit more. Math isnt my strongest subject, but I can work hard on extra credit assignments to improve my grade.

THEY HAVE HOPE FOR CHANGEo Depressed: Nothing has ever helped., Nothing will

ever change.o Flexible: None of the things I have tried up to now

have helped, but this is new and it could be a good time to start to feel better. I could start changing some things that are under my control. Im going to keep trying until I find a solution.

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5. LEARNING TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT TYPES OF HARMFUL OR COUNTERPRODUCTIVE THOUGHTS:Discuss the List of Thinking Errors: We are going to discuss different types of negative

thoughts, or ways of looking at things that happen to us, that are harmful because they make us feel bad because they are not based on facts or they distort reality.

Read and discuss each type of thought. Make sure the adolescent understands each thought category. One way to make sure is asking him/her to provide an example of each thought after discussing each thinking style.

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING: This is when you look at things as if they were completely good or completely bad.For example, if you make a mistake doing something, you think all your work was useless. You might think, "Im not even going to try out for the team because Ill never get picked. Or I cant do anything right.MENTAL FILTER: This is when you take a single negative event and you focus on it in such a way that you see everything as negative and think everything is going wrong. It also refers to making or seeing things as bigger than they really are. For example, "a patient came into treatment one day and told us that he had seen a dead bird on the sidewalk and it made him feel really bad. He had walked through a beautiful garden, full of trees and flowers and all he saw was the dead bird.Another example, An art student received a constructive criticism on her artwork from her teacher. He only suggested that she change the color on one of the edges of the canvas. Because of this comment, the student thought she wasnt a good artist.DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVE: This is when you dont notice positive things that happen. You only see the

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negative things. Or you when positive things happen they seem less important to you than they really are. For example, you might believe that nobody likes you to the extent that if someone is nice to you, you think that something must be wrong with that person. Or if someone tells you how good you look, you think he or she says it just so you won't feel bad.JUMPING TO THE WRONG CONCLUSIONS: This is when you come to conclusions too quickly and you see the negative side of things. There are two types: mind reading and fortune telling.MIND READING: This is when you assume what someone is thinking without really knowing. For example, you see that someone is angry and you think the person doesn't like you or that the person is angry with you. It might well be that the person is having his/her own difficulties.Other examples: "Dad thinks I'm stupid" or the coach wont let me play anymore because I didnt score in the game, he thinks I am a bad player.FORTUNE-TELLING: This is when you feel and predict that only disasters and tragedies will happen to you in the future. For example, "I'm going to flunk out of school" or "I won't have any friends at my new school" or "No ones going to want to talk with me at the party" or "I'm not going to the interview because I'll never be picked."TAKING YOUR FEELINGS TOO SERIOUSLY: This is when you think that your feelings are the only version of reality. For example, you think, "I feel so sad that it proves what a disaster I am" or "Im so lonely that my life has no meaning." I am always bored so other people probably seem me as a boring person.SHOULDS/PERFECCTIONISM: This is when you try to motivate yourself with shoulds; that is, with what you believe people should or have to do or say. Even if there are

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things you need to do, its important to be careful not to have unrealistic, excessive or inflexible expectations for yourself. For example, you might think, "I should get all As in school" or "My Mom should pay attention to me all the time" or my friend should always go out with me whenever I want. When you tell yourself you should, you feel guilty. Its better to do things the best you can and because you want to, not because you feel guilty.When you think shoulds about other people, you get angry and frustrated if they dont do things the way you expect them to.LABELING YOURSELF OR OTHERS: Only because you make one mistake, you start to think you're a loser. For example, you might say, "I yelled at Mom, Im a bad daughter" or "Im stupid because I have bad grades" or "I'm ugly." You might also label others: "The teacher is stupid because she scolded me." Shes a traitor because now she hangs out with other friends besides me.BLAMING YOURSELF: This is when you blame yourself for the negative things that happen around you and over which you have no control. For example, if something bad happens to one of your family members or friends, you feel as if it was your fault because you couldnt prevent it. Or if your parents get divorced, you feel it was your fault because they were always arguing in front of you.

LIST OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS (use separate worksheet)LIST OF POSITIVE THOUGHTS (use separate worksheet)

- 3 -USING YOUR THOUGHTS

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TO CHANGE YOUR MOODReview or summarize briefly the following concepts discussed in Segment 2 (promote client participation in this review): Mood-meter Types of thoughts people who are depressed have. List of Positive and Negative Thoughts What are some

of the thoughts you had this past week?1. INCREASING THOUGHTS THAT IMPROVE YOUR MOODSTOP EVERYTHING YOUR ARE DOINGWhen we feel nervous we can take a break and mentally give ourselves a time out. Let your mind relax and take a deep breath. Pay attention to your bodys natural ability to relax and feel at peace. Feeling at peace can give you energy.You lead the coachee in a relaxation exercise after discussing this point. Pick the exercise you feel most comfortable leading. You can use sounds or music to help relaxation.INCREASE THE NUMBER OF POSITIVE THOUGHTS IN YOUR MINDMake a list of good thoughts you have about yourself and about life in general.Provide your coachee with a blank sheet of paper to do this exercise, and discuss it afterwards.CONGRATULATE YOURSELF MENTALLYOther people do not notice most of the things we do. Therefore, it is important for us to acknowledge them and give ourselves credit for doing them.You can ask the client to identify a reason to congratulate him/herself mentally.

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PROJECTION INTO THE FUTUREImagine yourself in the future, at a time when things will be better.Ask the coachee to imagine his/her future in 1, 5 and 10 years. Encourage him/her to imagine it as detailed as possible [i.e., places, people, activities, etc.]. The exercise can be oral or written.DECREASING THOUGHTS THAT MAKE US FEEL BADINTERRUPT YOUR THOUGHTSWhen a thought is ruining your mood, we can identify it and try to interrupt it.First, identify the thought. Next, tell yourself: This thought is ruining my mood, so I am going to change it or substitute it for a positive one.TIME TO WORRYSet aside "time to worry" each day so that you can concentrate completely on necessary thoughts and leave the rest of the day free of worries. The "time to worry" can be 10 to 30 minutes each day.LAUGH AT YOUR PROBLEMS BY EXAGGERATING THEMIf you have a good sense of humor, try to laugh at your worries. If you feel you dont have a good sense of humor, try to do it any way you can. Sometimes this can take away the pain of certain hardships.For example, you can ask the adolescent whats the most embarrassing that has ever happened to him/her.CONSIDER THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN Often some of the fears we have about what could

happen make us feel depressed and they paralyze us.

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To help you stop making negative predictions and prepare yourself for what could happen, its useful to ask yourself What could happen if ____? Or what would really be the worst thing that could happen if__?

Remember that the worst thing that could happen is only one of many possibilities and just because its the worst doesnt mean that is the most probable.

Its good to ask yourself whether youre exaggerating what could happen. Maybe none of the things you fear will happen, but if you consider the different possibilities youll be better prepared.

o An example, you have failing grades in several classes. Your parents are pressuring you and youre afraid of flunking your grade. You could think what is the worst that could happen if I fail? One possibility is that youll have to take tutoring or repeat a class during the summer and your parents will be upset. You would feel bad and possibly your parents would be upset for some time, but you could handle it, and resides, you could review the material you didnt learn so well in order to get better grades next year.

BEING YOUR OWN TRAINER: Just as we can help someone to do something difficult by coaching them or giving them instructions, we can help ourselves by coaching ourselves. This is what we mean by learning to feel better.PRACTICE TIME: Now let us think of some examples of how to use these ideas. Think about how to use the examples with the thoughts you have had this week.


AFFECT YOUR MOOD

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Review or summarize briefly the following concepts discussed in Session 3 (promote coachee`s participation in this review): Mood-meter List of Positive and Negative Thoughts - What are some

of the thoughts you had last week? What strategies did you use to increase positive

thoughts and decrease negative ones?1. DEBATING/DISPUTING YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THE A-B-C-D METHOD.When you feel depressed, ask yourself what you are thinking. Then try to talk back to the thought that is bothering or hurting you.A is the Activating event; what happenedB is the Belief or the thought that you are having; that is, what you tell yourself about what is happeningC is the Consequence of your thought; that is, the feeling you have as a result of your thoughtD is the way in which you Dispute or talk back to your thought (this means that you challenge negative thoughts and generate alternate positive thoughts)In these examples, you can use the ABCD method in the following way (its better to use examples from the clients experiences):A My Dad didnt come for me this weekend (this is a fact).B Some of the thoughts you might have about this fact are: My dad doesnt care about me, My Dad doesnt want to spend time with meC The consequence of thinking these thoughts is feeling mad, sad and disappointed.D I can talk to these thoughts in the following way: "My Dad cancelled because of problems he has with my Mom,

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My Dad has always shown me in other ways that even loves me even if he cant spend a lot of time with me.Example: A My best friend doesnt return my call.B Some thoughts you might have about this fact are: She doesnt want to talk to me, or he doesnt want to be my friend anymore, you cant trust anyone.C The consequence of these thoughts is feeling mad, sad and hopeless. Another consequence might be that when you do manage to talk to her, you treat her badly (youre sarcastic or you give her the silent treatment).I can talk to these thoughts in the following manner: She might be busy, Maybe she didnt get the message. Ill wait to talk to her to find out what happened.Example:A I have an F in two classes and its already mid-semester.B Im stupid, I cant do anything right. Im going to have to repeat the 10 th grade. Im never going to be able to study or work at what I want.C I felt sad, frustrated and mad.D I still have the chance to find opportunities to pull up my grades, such as doing extra credit work or finding a tutor. I might have to repeat the class during the summer, but it doesnt mean I wont graduate, or be able to do what I want. Im smart and there are some classes that are harder for me than others.Example: A My friend dumped me.B Im ugly, I did something wrong, I should have done everything he wanted me to. No other guy will ever like me.C I felt awful and I cried a lot. I locked myself in my room.D Its better that I be with someone who loves and appreciates me. The relationship with him didnt work, but its not necessarily something I did or didnt do.

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2. EXCERCISES WITH THE ABCD METHOD When you feel depressed ask yourself what youre

thinking. Then try to talk back to the thought thats bothering you.

Using the worksheet titled Working with the ABCD Method in the participants manual, use a situation that the coachee has brought up in therapy to practice theABCD method.3. SOME THOUGHTS THAT CAN CONTRIBUTE TO FEELING DEPRESSEDThe following thoughts are thoughts that people with depression commonly have and can make them feel worse.Generate a discussion in which you and the coachee change or modify the following thoughts to more positive and flexible ones. Following each negative thought are examples of alternate thoughts. One way of doing this exercise is reading each one out loud and modeling for the coachee how to change it to a more positive, flexible one. Afterwards you can ask the coachee to do the same with the next thought on the list. Everyone should love/like me., Not everyone has to

like me., I have people who love me very much. I should do everything right all of the time, I want to

do things the best way possible., Im going to do the best I can. I do lots of things right.

I am a bad person.I make mistakes just like everybody else, and that doesnt mean Im bad., I can learn from my mistakes Everybody makes mistakes. I will feel awful if things dont happen the way I want

them to., Things arent always going to turn out the way Id like.

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I should worry about the bad things that can happen., Theres no point in worrying about things I have no control over I dont know what might happen in the future.

Nobody loves me., I might feel rejected right now but it doesnt mean I dont have people who love me.

Ill never be able to be happy., I feel unhappy right now, but things can get better.

I should feel bad when people I care about are having a hard time., Its important to support the people I love when theyre having a hard time, but feeling bad wont help solve their problems.

I need everyone's approval to feel good about myself., I can feel good even though other people dont agree with the things I do.

I have to be popular and accepted by my friends to feel like I am worth something., I cant expect everyone to like me the important thing is to have good friends.

My family suffers because of me., There are problems in my family that I cant control. Blaming myself isnt going to solve our problems.

Its my responsibility to solve the people I loves problems., Its not my responsibility to solve other peoples problems, but I can support them. I help with what I can.

REVIEW OF THE THOUGHTS MODULE What did you learn?

WORKING WITH THE A-B-C-D METHOD

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A. Activating event (What happened?)

C. Consequence (How did you react?)

B. Belief (Your thoughts and beliefs about what happened, what you told yourself about what happened and had an effect on your reaction)

D. Debate or dispute the Belief (Alternate thoughts that could help you react in a healthier way)

- 5 -HOW YOUR ACTIVITIES

AFFECT YOUR MOODReview or summarize briefly the following concepts discussed in Session 4 (promote coachee`s participation in this review): Mood-meter List of Positive and Negative Thoughts The A-B-C-D Method In this treatment we work with thoughts, activities and

relationships to improve our mood or how we feel. In the module well be starting today we will be working with activities and how they affect how we feel.

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1. THE ACTIVITIES THAT WE DO AFFECT OUR MOOD: THROUGH OUR ACTIVIES WE CAN TELL HOW WE FEEL.The fewer pleasant activities people do, the more depressed they feel.Do you stop doing things because you feel depressed? or Do you feel depressed because you stop doing things?The most probable answer is BOTH:The fewer things you do, the more depressed you feel. The more depressed you feel, the fewer things you do. This is called a "Vicious Cycle."To break the vicious cycle you can increase those activities that make you feel better. These activities can be called "pleasant", "encouraging",

"inspiring", etc. We call them "pleasant."2. PLEASANT ACTIVITIES DO NOT HAVE TO BE SPECIAL ACTIVITIES (ALTHOUGH THEY CAN BE). By pleasant activities we are referring mostly to

everyday activities (i.e. listen to relaxing music, watch nature, read a book, talk on the phone, etc.).

3. Sometimes it is hard to think about what we consider pleasant, especially if we haven't done it in a long time. When we are depressed, it is even harder to remember pleasant things. To help you we use a List of Pleasant Activities. What activities do you enjoy? When you feel depressed, are there things you stop doing?4. For the next week, you will keep a daily record of the number of pleasant activities you do. Use the List of Pleasant Activities by putting a mark next to each pleasant activity you do every day.Personalize your list. If any of the activities do not apply to you, leave it blank or put a line through it. You probably have never done this before in your life. Lots of people find

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this exercise interesting and useful. This week you dont have to do anything other than what you usually do.Just identify the pleasant activities that you do each day of this week. By doing this, youll learn something about how your daily activities affect how you feel.5. SOMETIMES OBSTACLES GET IN THE WAY OF OUR DOING CERTAIN PLEASANT ACTIVITIES.What obstacles or things prevent you from doing pleasant activities? Ask for specific examples of obstacles to doing pleasant activities. Some obstacles to working with pleasant activities are: YOUR THOUGHTS:

o What kind of thoughts help you enjoy an activity?o What thoughts make it hard for you to enjoy an activity?o Have you ever enjoyed an activity that you thought you wouldnt?

PEOPLE:o How have other people made it hard for you to enjoy a pleasant activity?

6. At the end of each day, mark each of the activities on the List of Pleasant Activities that you did that day. Count the total number of marks you have at the end of each day. Bring the list to our next session.LIST OF PLEASANT ACTIVITIES (use separate worksheet)

- 6 -HOW YOUR ACTIVITIES

AFFECT YOUR MOOD

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Review or summarize briefly the following concepts discussed in Session 5 (promote client participation in this review): Mood-meter List of Pleasant Activities. How did you feel keeping

track of your activities? How many did you do each day?

More information on pleasant activities:1. How can pleasant activities help you feel better?You can make reference to the diagram that represents the interaction between our thoughts, actions and feelings.It is not enough to say to yourself, "Feel better!" It is often easier to change the things you do. If you change the things you do, you can also change the way you feel.2. Remember that: Pleasant activities do not necessarily have to be special

activities, although they can be special. Pleasant activities are often ordinary activities that we enjoy.

Some examples are watching the sun set, reading a book, talking to a friend, play sports, going to a park, smelling a flower, drawing or painting, listening to music.

Pleasant activities can be different for different people. For example, some people find reading a book while alone is a very pleasant activity. Other people can find being in a noisy and crowded shopping center fun.

3. It is important to have an adequate number of pleasant activities in order to feel good. We feel our best when our activities are well-balanced

between things we have to do and things we want to do. Since we have more control over the things we want to do, it is important to keep these activities in mind and do them.

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What are some of the things you have to do? What things do you do because you enjoy them? Do you have a good balance?

4. The problem with things that put demands on your time and the need for doing pleasant activities. Often it is hard to create a balance between things we

have to do and things we want to do. One solution to deal with this problem is planning our time.

Explore whether the coachee keeps an agenda or date book of this weekly activities. Afterwards present and discuss the advantages of using a Weekly Activities Schedule. Practice using the worksheet titled Weekly Activities Schedule by asking him/her to write down the activities he/she does on a daily basis and the time he/she does them. Encourage him/her to use it during the week. Planning and programming your activities is a way to

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