LIBRETTO(DRAFT 2/9/09)

"A CATERED AFFAIR"Book by Harvey Fierstein

Music and Lyrics by John Bucchino

Based on the Turner Entertainment motion picture distributed by WarnerBrothers

and written by Gore Vidal, and the original teleplay by PaddyChayefsky

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1

2A CATERED AFFAIR

CAST:AGGIE - mother of the brideTOM - father of the brideJANEY - the brideRALPH - the groomWINSTON - uncle of the brideMR. HALLORAN - groom's father, doubles as SAM thecab driverPASHA - neighbor, doubles as MRS. HALLORAN - groom'smotherMYRA - neighbor, doubles as WEDDING DRESS SALESWOMANDOLORES - neighbor, doubles as THE CATERERALICE - Janey's best friend, doubles as ARMYSergeant

NEW YORK'S SOOTH BRONX, Tuesday morning followingMemorial Day weekend and onward, 1953.

MUSICAL NUMBERS (in Bold)

SCENE 1 - Tenement Courtyard -SCENE 2 - Front stoop/Janey's Bedroom -"PARTNERS" - Tom & Sam, Ralph & Janey'SCENE 3 - Apartment -"RALPH AND :ME 'I - JaneySCENE 4 - Janey's Bedroom/Aggie's Bedroom"MARRIED II - AggieSCENE 5 - Tenement courtyard"WO:MEN CHATTERII - Myra, Pasha & DoloresSCENE 6 - Apartment -"NO FUSS II - AggieSCENE 7 - Apartment - dinner party"YOUR CHILDREN'S HAPPINESS II - Mr & Mrs Halloran"IMMEDIATE FAMILY" - Winston"OUR ONLY DAUGHTER II - AggieSCENE 8 - Bridal shop interior"ONE WHITE DRESS II - Janey & AggieSCENE 9 - Catering Hall"VISION II - AggieSCENE 10 - Coffee ShopSCENE 11 - Fire escape"DON'T EVER STOP SAYING 'I LOVE YOU' 'I - Janey &RalphSCENE 12 - Apartment"I STAYED" - Tom"MARRIED (REPRISE)" - AggieSCENE 13 - Apartment"CONEY ISLAND II - WinstonSCENE 14 - Front stoop"DON'T EVER STOP SAYING 'I LOVE YOU' (REPRISE}"-Ralph, Janey & Tom"CONEY ISLAND (REPRISE)" - Winston & Company

3

4A cityscape of Bronxapartment buildings looms against anearly morning sky.

The houselights dim.

MUSIC:

WINSTON, dressed in a hat andcoat, enters the semi darkenedstage carrying a suitcase. HE assessesthe setting.

WINSTON(to the audience)

I stopped in to see a friend. The place was pitchblack. I says to him, ~Why don't you put on a light?"He shrugs, ~'Cause I was brought up in the dark."

WINSTON carefully places the suitcaseon the stage floor. As he does, itcues ...

A MUSICAL CHORD.

The stage is transformed to aBronx neighborhood 1953.THREE WOMEN appear in their respectiveapartment windows.

WINSTON watches frombelow.

MYRAMorning, Dolores.

PASHAWould you look at this laundry? Out all nightand still soaking wet.

MYRA'Morning, Pasha.

DOLORESAnyone seen that alley cat of mine? What atramp. He eats my food but the pleasure hegives someone else.

PASHAIs that you down there Winston? You're outawful early.

MYRAOr have we caught an alley cat justsneaking back in?

WINSTONAnd top o'the'mornin' to you, too.

DOLORESDid your sister get home yet? I want to tellher I seen her on the TV last night.

MYRAWe seen her too.

PASHAUs too.

MYRAYou don't have no TV.

PASHAThen it's a good thing I have friends whodo.

DOLORESWell, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was sittingon my couch, minding my own business, andsuddenly there's your sister and brother-in-lawin my living room, only they was really on theTV. Can you imagine?

MYRAThat was some beautiful shot of them right upfront.

PASHAImagine, someone in our very building invitedto the Memorial Day Services in Washington DC.That's quite an honor.

MYRADid they get to sleep overnight in the capitol?I always wanted to sleep overnight in thecapitol. Wouldn't that be fun?

5

~,I

DOLORESI think it's terrible, your poor nephew, losinghis young life so far from home.

PASHANot just him. All them young people.

DOLORESIt's a goddamn shame that someone has to die toget a service like that.

PASHAAnd your poor niece must be so sad losing herbig brother.

DOLORESCan't say I seen any tears when that boy brungher home last night.

MYRANow, Dolores, don't start. With her folks outof town, and her uncle out all night, it's niceJaney didn't have to come home to a big emptyapartment.

PASHAWho was the boy? That fella with the glasses,right? I seen him hanging around her a lot.

WINSTONThat is her boyfriend Ralph.

MUSIC cue:

With a slight tip of his hat, WINSTONushers on...JANEY & RALPH asleep in her bed.

WINSTON (CONT'D)And he's a very respectful young man.

DOLORESA real gentleman. Walked her right up to the door.

IvlYRAAnd then got her safely upstairs.

DOLORES

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ii

Where he put her straight to bed.

MYRADolores!

PASHAAnd what's it to you two?

DOLORESLive and let live, I say. But her mother maynot share the same modern persuasion.

MYRAWe'll know for sure in a minute as I never seenthe boyfriend leave, but I do see the motherpulling up in a cab.

WOMEN0000000 ...

MUSIC cue:

WINSTON, almost amused with thesituation, calls out ...

WINSTONJaney. Hurry. If your folks catch Ralph I'mgood as dead.

JANEYAll right. We're up!

Two nude figures bolt upright inbed: JANEY and RALPH. They areyoung, attractive and real.

RALPH sprints to pull his clotheson.

WINSTON watches the scene fromdownstage.

RALPHDid we oversleep? I told you to set the alarm.

JANEYBreathe, Ralph. You'll give yourself a coronary.

RALPHWhere's my other sock?

7

JANEYThey must have caught the first flight back.

RALPHI can't find my other sock.

JANEYA lifetime of paying taxes, here's their oneshot to get something back, but my folks haveto rush home to this!

RALPHJaney, my sock .. ?

JANEYThey make me crazy.

RALPHI have two shoes. I have two feet. Ergo theremust be two socks.

JANEYWe've got to get out of here.

RALPHYou've got that right.

JANEYRalph, let's get married.

RALPHLet your father catch me sockless and we'llhave to.

JANEYI mean it. Let's get married. Right now. Rightaway. What's stopping us?

RALPHYou. Every time I ask you say we should waitfor the right time.

JANEYMaybe this is the right time.

RALPHBut we agreed that next year, when I gettenure, we could afford a really cool place ...

8

JANEYWhat isn't cooler than living at home? The onlything worse than spending the first part of mylife in the shadow of my perfect brother wouldbe spending another day in the shadow of myperfect dead brother.

RALPHCut it out. Your folks are crazy about you.

JANEYI don't want to wake up next to them.

RALPHMarriage isn't an escape.

JANEYNo. Divorce is. But first things first.

FRONT STOOP OF THE BUILDING

TOM enters from upstage. HE andWINSTON pass each other unseen.

SAM enters from the wings.SAM

Tom, you got a minute?

TOM(calling to an unseen person alreadyin the house ... )

Go on, Aggie. I'll be right in.(back to SAM)

Thanks for bringing the cab out to get us.

SAMSure.

(he tosses the car key to TOM)I drove your shift last night. I wasn'tplanning on working a double. So how you doing?

TOM seats himself on the suitcase.

TOMIt's been three months, but it's still hard toget my brain wrapped around.

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SAMSure. Tough stuff. But here's something mightcheer you up. I didn't want to say nothing infront of the missus. Your business is yourbusiness. Pasternak's selling his share of thecab. She's all ours.

TOMThe cab? All ours?

SAMThat's what I'm saying.

TOM is silent.

SAM (CONT'D)What's the matter?

TOMIt's just ... The three of us have owned thathack together ...

SAMtwenty-six years.

TOMPasternak's retiring?

SAMHe's tired.

TOMWho ain't?

SAMSo what's with the long puss?

JANEY'S BEDROOM

JANEYYou don't want to marry me?

RALPHOf course I do. You know I do. This is just alittle out of nowhere.

JANEY

BACK TO:

10

Actually I've been thinking about it for acouple of days.

RALPHDays? Glad to know you're not rushing intoanything.

JANEYWould you listen? You know that my friend Kellyis getting married and moving to California tolive with her folks, right?

RALPHSince she's four months pregnant, it's none toosoon.

JANEYExactly why they're flying. Problem is there'sonly so much they can take on the plane. Andthen they've got their car to consider.

RALPHSo?

JANEYSo they gotta hire someone they can trust todrive their car and stuff to California.

RALPHYou mean .. ?

JANEYWho's more trustworthy than us? It's perfect.First stop City Hall for a ten dollar weddingand then we're off on a California honeymoon.All expenses paid! Kid, you are marrying agenius.

BACK TO:THE FRONT STOOP AGAIN

(WE WILL NOW SWITCH BACK AND FORTHBETWEEN THE CONVERSATION IN THEBEDROOM AND THE ONE OUT ON THE STREET.)

MUSIC BEGINS: "PARTNERS"

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TOMSeems awful sudden is all.

SAMAny less sudden and we'd be retiring along withhim.

TOMFinally our own hack. Fifty-fifty.

SAMPARTNERS!

TOMJUST LIKE THAT!

SAMSITTIN' IN THE BLEACHERSNOW WE'RE UP TO BAT

TOMCAN'T HELP FEELIN' LIKE A HORSE I PICKED CAME THROUGH.

BACK TO:

JANEY'S BEDROOM

RALPHWe're getting married. Imagine us ...PARTNERS!

JANEYA TEAM FOR LIFE!

RALPHCAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE READY TO BECOME MY WIFE.

JANEY & TOMGUESS YOU WAIT LONG ENOUGH, A DREAM JUST MAY COME TRUE

ALLAND I FIN'LLY GET TO BE PARTNERS WITH YOU.

JANEYBUT NO BIG WEDDING, NO BIG FUSSNOBODY THERE BUT THE CLERK AND USNO ONE TO SATISFYNO ONE TO PLEASEAND NO CATASTROPHES.EV'RY WEDDING I ATTEND

12

SM

THERE'S A FIGHT SCENE BEFORE THE ENDSOMEBODY'S DRUNKAND SOMEBODY'S OSE GETS OUT OF JOINTWHAT'S THE POINT?THE POINT IS ...

JANEY & SAMPARTNERSlQUICK AND NEAT!SIGN A PIECE OF PAPERAND THE DEAL'S COMPLETE

RALPHHow romantic.

JANEYIT'S A MERGER, CUT AND DRY.I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND HEARTLESS ...

SAMHE DON'T MEAN TO SOUND HEARTLESSBUT PASTERNAK SAID THEY SEND YOU DOUGHWHEN YOUR KID GETS KILLED IN ACTIONSO, HE FIGURES IF HE SELLS HIS SHARE NOW WE CAN BUY 'ERAND HE CAN RETIRE

WE'LL GET A THIRD MORE MONEYFOR A THIRD MORE WORKA THIRD MORE SANITYWITHOUT THAT JERKA THIRD MORE PROFIT IF WE EVER CASH 'ER INIT'S WIN WIN WIN ...

TOMYou're saying I should use the money theGovernment pays for losing my kid? I didn'teven get it yet ...

SAMHey, if you can't trust your Uncle Sam ... ?Meantime, all Pasternak wants is a deposit.

TOMStill, that's a lot of money. Plus all oursavings ...

SAMWhich you've been saving for what?

13

rTOMCan you corne by for the check tomorrow? Give metime to ease into the subject with the wife.Aggie's not the kind of woman you spring stuff on.

14

SAMThink it's gonna take some explaining?

RALPHA lot of explaining. You know my folks.They are going to want to make a big affair likethey did for both of my sisters.

JANEYAnd there's the beauty part: No time. We'renot on our schedule. We're not on theirschedule. We're on Kelly's schedule.

SAMAND SUDDENLY I SEE A BIG IMPROVEMENT IN OUR OCCUPATION

JANEYSUDDENLY A SHINY LITTLE RING FOR ME TO GRAB

ALLALL WE HAVE TO DO IS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION

SAMA WINDFALL BLOWS ...

JANEYKELLY'S BELLY GROWS ...

RALPHA QUICKIE WEDDING AND A FREE VACATION ...

TOMWE'LL BE ...

ALLPARTNERS!ALMOST THERE!

RALPHFEEL LIKE ANY MOMENT I COULD WALK ON AIR

JANEY & RALPH

BACK TO:

15

GUESS IF YOU'RE LUCKYONE AND ONE MAKES MORE THAN TWO

SAM & TOIYlYOU AND MEPARTNERS!AIN'T IT GRAND!WE BET ALL THE CHIPSON A WINNING HAND

ALLAND IT'S EVEN SWEETER'CAUSE IT'S SO LONG OVERDUEBUT NOW I FIN'LLY GET TO BE PARTNERS

SAM & TOIYlWITH YOU ...

JANEY & RALPHWITH YOU ...

SAM & TOMWITH YOU ...

JANEY & RALPHWITH YOU.

The SONG ends and AGGIE enters theapartment to find WINSTON rushing aboutreadying things.

WINSTONWell, look who hurried home. Can't abide beingaway from me, can you?

AGGIEI don't understand how someone can sleep in ahotel bed. I laid awake the whole nightwondering whose head was on that pillow beforemine.

WINSTONYou always did know how to have a good time.

AGGIEWhat have you done wrong?

WINSTONNothing.

AGGIEWhy are you out of breath?

WINSTONBecause I'm fat and old.

RALPH tries to sneak out but iscaught by AGGIE's glare.

AGGIEGood morning, Ralph.

RALPHMorning, Mrs Hurley. I just came by to walk Janey to work.

AGGIE reaches out and plucks asock off the back of his jacket.

AGGIEAnd picking up your laundry?

RALPHSorry. I must've got dressed In the dark.

JANEY(From the bedroom)

Is anyone in the bathroom?

AGGIEI don't know. Ask Ralph.

RALPHI'd better be gOing.

AGGIEDon't rush on my account.

RALPHMrs Hurley ... Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

AGGIEThat's very sweet, Ralph.

16

HE kisses her and grabs his jacket.

/

RALPH scoots out. AGGIE addressesWINSTON.

AGGIE. Thanks for watching over the girl for me.

WINSTON(swallowing hard with guilt)

I did all the washing up and made a pot ofcoffee fresh. They showed a great big close-upof you and Tom on TV. Take it easy today.Nothing needs doing.

WINSTONWhy don't you toss these sad dead daisiesand I'll bring you something fresh from the shop.Nothing's too good for my little sister. I'llbe back around four.

HE escapes.

WE follow AGGIE as she assessesthe kitchen with the eyes of awoman who has taken care of thisroom most of her life.

TOM comes in.

AGGIEIs that you, Tom?

TOMAnd who else would it be?

AGGIEWhat did Sam want?

TOM(referring to the window)

Aw! I hoped we'd beat the sun. I want to get anap before I take my shift.

AGGIESit down. I'll fix your eggs.

SHE pours a cup of coffee forherself which is snatched by JANEYswooping into the room.

17

18

JANEYHi.

AGGIEYou're welcome.

SHE opens the fridge to get hereggs.

AGGIEWould you look at that ice. Caked solid.

MUSIC cue:

TOMNo! No new contrivances. Not until I got myown cab.

AGGIEDid I ask for anything? Do I ever ask you foranything?

TOMI'm just saying ...

AGGIEI heard you.

JANEYMa?

AGGIEYou eating?

During the following, AGGIE cooksand serves eggs to TOM.

JANEYListen, Ma, I don't want you making a fuss. Allright?

AGGIEIf I had energy to make a fuss, you would haveseen one already.

JANEYRALPH AND ME ARE GETTIN' MARRIED

AGGIEWell, Jane, that's very nice.

JANEYIT'S ALL DECIDEDRALPH AND ME, WE GOT THIS FRIEND WHO'S GETTIN' MARRIEDAND THEY'RE MOVIN' TO HER FOLKS IN CALIFORNIA

AGGIEThat's nice.

JANEYTHEY'RE GETTIN' MARRIED RIGHT AWAYSHE'S ALREADY FOUR MONTHS GONETHEY CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER DAY

AGGIEWho?

JANEYKelly. From work. You don't know her.SO THEY'RE FLYING OUT TO CALIFORNIA

AGGIEThis friend.

JANEYRight.

BUT THEY'VE GOT THIS CARAND THEY NEED TO GET IT OUT THERE SOON

AGGIEAnd?

JANEYAND RALPH AND ME FIGUREWE CAN DRIVE IT OUT FOR THEMMAKE THE TRIP A HONEYMOON

AGGIESo?

JANEYSO WE HAVE TO DO IT QUICKDRIVE CROSS-COUNTRY, GET A TAN BY A MOTEL SWIMMING POOLAND FLY BACK HERE IN TIME FOR RALPH TO TEACH SUMMER SCHOOL

19

I '

AGGIETom. Your daughter's getting married.

TOMDo I look deaf? Janey, that's very nlce.

JANEYBUT THERE WON'T BE ANY FUSSI REALLY WANT TO MAKE THAT CLEARJUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND US

And my friend Alice as my matron of honorSINCE I WAS HERS LAST YEARWE'LL MEET AT CITY HALL, THURSDAY, TEN A.M.WE'LL GET MARRIED BY THE CLERKIT WON'T TAKE ANY TIME AT ALL

AGGIENot Father Murphy?

JANEYThere's no time for a church wedding, Ma.

WE GOTTA GET THE CAR OUT TO THEMAND I'M ONLY TAKIN' THREE WEEKS OFF FROM WORK

But we'll go talk to Father Murphy. I promise.We'll have to invite his folks for dinner.

AGGIEFather Murphy's?

JANEYRalph's. Mr and Mrs Halloran.

TOMCan I get the salt.

JANEYI know it's kind of short notice but how abouttonight?

AGGIEWell, I was going to the fish market anyway.

JANEYTonight all right with you, Pa?

20

TOMFine, Janey.

JANEYI'll tell Ralph to bring his folks by aroundseven. Nothing fancy.

A SIMPLE FAM'LY MEAL - I'LL PICK UP SOME WINEAnd I mean it about the wedding ...

WE DON'T WANT A BIG ORDEALTHE CIVIL CEREMONY WILL DO FINETHEN RALPH AND ME,THE HANDSOME GROOM AND THE BLUSHING BRIDEWILL BE OFF ON OUR LITTLE CROSS-COUNTRY RIDE.

21

TOMThat's the best way, Jane. All the fuss andfeathers going on with these things. Your UncleJohn says it cost him eighteen thousand dollars

, to marry his Caroline off.

AGGIEIf it's a small wedding you want, that's whatyou'll have.

TOMEighteen thousand on a party. It's enough tochill your blood.

AGGIEAnyways, your Pa and me thought we'd give you acheck. A check for a thousand dollars.

TOMA thousand?

AGGIEFor God's sake, Tom. Your one and only daughteris getting married. It would cost you ten timesthat if she wanted a dinner.

TOMWell ... I didn't say no. We always said how wewould give her a check. We just never specifiedno figure.

JANEYWe don't want any checks. We just want you tocome to the ceremony. The whole thing shouldn'ttake more than ten minutes.

AGGIEYou'll have to invite your Uncle Win.

JANEY(snapping)

Ma, if we ask Uncle Win ...(pulling herself back)

I'd like to ask Uncle Win, but then all theothers will be mad and we just want immediatefamily ...

22

AGGIEBut he lives right here in the house with us.Sleeps right out there on the pull-out. But Iguess you're right. You ask one and you'restuck with the whole bunch. All right. Butyou'd better let me tell him. You know howtouchy he is.

But JANE has gone to her bedroom.AGGIE stares at TOM.

TOMWhat?

AGGIEYour only daughter tells you the biggest newsof her life and you just sit there.

TOMWhen I'm done eating I'll get up and do adance.

AGGIEYou could say something to her.

TOMI said it was very nice.

AGGIEI heard what you said.

TOM gets up. WE follow him fromthe kitchen to ...

JANEY'S BEDROOM(continuing)

MUSIC cue:

TOM appears in the doorway.

TOM(struggling to say something)

Jane? .. Uh ... Very sensible not to have a bigwedding.

AGGIE enters the room with freshsheets.

23

TOM,I Your Ma and me got married at City Hall and

we're no worse for wear.

JANEYI'll see you tonight, Pa.

HE nods and leaves.

JANEYMa, can you get that onion bread Ralph likes?

AGGIESure.

AGGIE pulls back the bedcovers ...

AGGIEI was going to do the sheets anyway.

SHE begins to change the sheets.

AGGIEYou're sure that's what you want; gettin'married at City Hall?

JANEYWe're sure.

AGGIEBecause getting a good start ... That's thetrick of it. To make a good start. Jane?

JANEYYeah, Ma?

AGGIEJaney ...

JANEY

What?

AGGIEIT'S A BIG THING, GETTIN' MARRIED

MUSIC BEGINS: "MARRIED"YOU GOTTA LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAPYOU GOTTA PICK SOMEBODY TO KEEPSO THAT WHEN HIS HAIR IS MOSTLY GONE,AND YOUR WAIST IS NOT SO SLIMYOU'LL STILL BE WITH HIM.

JANEYMa, I've known Ralph for two years now ...

AGGIEI'M NOT SAYIN' YOU DON'T KNOW HIMAND I'M NOT SAYIN' HE DON'T CAREBUT STILL, YOU GOTTA PREPARE'CAUSE WHETHER OR NOT THERE'S PRESENTS AND RICE

AND ALL THAT STUFFSOON ENOUGH THERE'S SACRIFICE.

SO IT'S NOT ALL ROSESAND IT'S NOT ABOUT DREAMS COME TRUENO MATTER WHAT I WISH FOR YOUIT'S MORE ABOUT THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO.And you can't go throwing money around. I hopeyou got more than your Pa and me, but even ifyou do you can't go throwing it around.Especially when the children come.

JANEYMa, I'm not even married and you've got mehaving children.

AGGIEGo ask that friend In California.

YOU'LL HAVE KIDS BEFORE YOU KNOW ITTHEN YOUR LIFE WON'T BE YOUR OWNEVEN AFTER THEY'RE GROWNALL THE THINGS YOU DO WITHOUTALL THE NIGHTS YOU LIE AWAKEFOR YOUR CHILDREN'S SAKE

SO DON'T GO THINKIN' THAT IT'S ALL JUST ONE GOOD TIMEOH, THERE'S SOME GOOD TIMESBUT DON'T GO THINKIN' THAT IT WON'T BE AN UPHILL CLIMBWHERE YOU FIND YOURSELF

24

WOND'RIN' HOW IT EVER GOT TO BE THIS WAYWOND'RIN' HOW YOU'RE GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAYWAIT - THAT ISN'T REALLY WHAT I MEA~T TO SAY ...

NO, IT'S A GOOD THING, GETTIN' MARRIEDIT'S THE THING THAT PEOPLE DONOW YOU FOUND THE FELLA FOR YOUSO YOU'LL EACH WEAR A GROOVE IN YOUR SIDE OF THE BEDEACH LEARN TO IGNORE THINGS THE OTHER ONE SAIDAND YOU'LL SMILE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUTTHE DAY YOU WERE WED ...

AGGIE seems to have run out ofsteam.

JANEYIs that all?

AGGIEI guess.

JANEYYou're not going to tell me about the birds andthe bees?

AGGIEDon't be fresh. And don't go thinking that'sthe whole thing. 'Cause it's not. It'simportant. It's just after a while it's notthat important.

JANEYYou won't forget to talk to Uncle Win, willyou?

AGGIEJaney ...IT'S A BIG THING, GETTIN' MARRIED.

JANEYI'll get home as early as I can to help with dinner.

JANE is out the door as the MUSICcontinues ...

The bed turns and WE realize thatwe're now in AGGIE'S bedroom ...

AGGIE & TOM'S ROOM

25

r(continuing)

TOM enters.

AGGIEHow about that?OUR DAUGHTER GETTIN' MARRIEDI ALWAYS THOUGHT THE BOY WOULD BE FIRSTI THOUGHT MAYBE HE'D MEET A GIRL OVER THEREBRING HER HOME AND SURPRISE US ALL ..THEN WE GOT THAT CALL

TOM settles into bed. AGGIE sitsherself down on the foot of the bed.

AGGIEAT LEAST JANEY WILL BE SETTLEDWITH A FAMILY OF HER OWN

SURE WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE HER A WEDDINGTO START HER OFF RIGHTWITH A FANCY PARTY THAT LASTS ALL NIGHTBUT SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T WANT ITAND I'M NOT GONNA FIGHTSHE'S GOT A GOOD HEAD ON HER SHOULDERS ...AND IF SHE DOESN'T WANT ALL THE FUSSWELL, I GUESS THEY'LL START OUT LIKE USI WARNED HER ABOUT WHAT'S DOWN THE PIKEI SET HER STRAIGHTTOLD HER WHAT IT WAS LIKE ...

SHE is stopped by the sound ofTOM'S snoring.

AGGIE.. . TO BE MARRIED.

MUSIC cue:

THE COURTYARD - LATE AFTERNOON

WINSTON, bouquet of flowers inhand, ushers on the WOMEN IN THEWINDOWS ...

MYRADolores! Dolores, corne to the window.

DOLORESWhat's wrong?

26

MYRAHold on, I gotta catch my breath. I ran all theway from the fish monger.

PASHA appears in her window.

PASHAI could hear you hollering from the bedroom. Whatdid I miss?

DOLORESWhat happened at the fish monger?

PASHAHow should I know what happened at the fishmonger? I was in the bedroom.

MYRAWould you two just listen? You'll never guesswho's getting married and why.

DOLORESGrace Kelly ... Because she's tired ofHollywood.

PASHAYou're a panic, you are.

DOLORESTell us already.

MYRAAGGIE'S GIRL, JANEY.

DOLORES & PASHATO THE ONE WITH THE GLASSES?

MYRATHAT'S WHAT I HEARD.

MUSIC BEGINS: "WOMEN'S CHATTER"

PASHADO YOU THINK THE FATHER CAUGHT THEM UPSTAIRS?

27

MYRAMAYBE, BUT IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING MORE THAN THATI'VE BEEN THINKING JANEY LOOKS A LITTLE FAT

PASHAMAYBE SHE JUST LIKES TO EAT.

MYRAOR MAYBE WE'LL SOON HEAR THE PATTER OF LITTLE FEET ...

DOLORESYou suppose?

PASHAThat's how rumors get started.

MYRAIt's not a rumor. I heard it at the fishmonger.

AGGIE, appears in her kitchen. SHE isobviously preparing for her dinnerguests.

PASHAQuiet both of you.

MYRA(calling out)

Yoo hoo! Mrs Hurley!!!

MYRA & DOLORES wave anxiously toher.

MYRAYou're preparing quite the spread there, Mrs.Hurley. I can smell it all the way up here.Fish?

AGGIEGuests for dinner.

MYRAYou got something to celebrate maybe?

AGGIEOur Janey gettin' married Thursday.

28

MYRASo I heard. And they say she's done herselfproud. The father's in real estate. Lives in abig apartment house with three elevators. Yougotta phone from downstairs to even get in.

PASHACongratulations. May they both be very happy.

MYRABut why are they rushing things like that?

PASHAWhat are you writing a book?

AGGIEIt's what the girl wants.

DOLORESOh, you don't believe that.

AGGIEIt's what she says.

MYRAIt may be what she says, but it's not what shemeans. Did you ever know a girl who didn't wanta fancy wedding and to wear a dress trailingten feet behind?

AGGIEJaney's not the type. Just ten minutes at theCity Clerk and they're off to California.

MYRANot even in a church?

AGGIEThere's no time.

DOLORESIs she in trouble?

AGGIEIs who in trouble?

DOLORES

29

Your daughter.

AGGIE(getting frustrated)

Look, they've got these friends who've got thiscar which needs to get driven out west andthey're getting paid to take the trip ...

PASHAPersonally I think it's very thoughtful ofJaney not putting you through a whole lot ofexpense you can't afford.

AGGIEWe can afford to give her a wedding if shewanted. We're not exactly on relief. It's justthat they got the use of this car ...

MYRAYou don't have to explain to us. She wouldn'tbe the first girl I knew had to get married ina hurry ...

DOLORESAnd leave town.

AGGIENo. See, they have to hurry because of thebaby ...

MYRA(to Dolores)

Didn't I say there was a baby?

MUSIC cue:

THE WOMEN explode with chatter asWINSTON steps into the kitchen ...

AGGIENot Janey. Her friend's the one in the familyway.

WINSTONWhat's the bellowing in here?

HE sees the frustrated look on hissister's face.

30

""!!

WINSTONWho's the mouse the cats are clawing at today?

AGGIEI've got some wonderful news. Tie your shoebefore you trip and break your neck.

AGGIE is setting the table fordinner as WINSTON arranges a smallbouquet of flowers.

WINSTONWhat's your news?

AGGIEJaney and Ralph are getting married.

WINSTONReally?

AGGIEWhat kind of reaction is that? The first goodnews in I don't know how long and Tom says"That's nice" and you ~ay "Really" ...

WINSTONNo, it is wonderful news. Really. Just took meby surprise is all. Is the girl here?

AGGIEShe's at work.

WINSTONWell, we'll give them such a party! There willbe drunken cousins throwing up catered dinnersfrom here to the Grand Concourse.

AGGIEBut see it's not that simple. They've got toget married Thursday morning ...

MUSIC cue:

WINSTONHow about that place John rented for hisCaroline's wedding? He's always bragging on howmuch he spent. We'll take that hall PLUS theroom next door just for the champagne toast?

31

That'll shut him up for once. And I'm payingfor the hall. No argument. Leave it all to me.

AGGIEIt's not going to be like that. They're justhaving a small civil ceremony in the morningand then they're off on their honeymoon.

WINSTONWhy would they get married like that?

AGGIEBECAUSE IT'S WHAT THEY WANT

MUSIC BEGINS: "NO FUSS"

AND THERE ARE OTHER COMPLICATIONSTHERE'S A FRIEND WHO'S GETTIN' MARRIEDWITH A BABY AND A CARAND A U-HAUL FULL OF FURNITUREAND WEST COAST RELATIONSCITY HALL AND A CLERKONLY THREE WEEKS OFF FROM WORKSO THERE'S TIME LIMITATIONS ...

WINSTONStop addressing Congress. What are you tryingto say?

AGGIEHere's the thing, Winston ... Would you tie yourshoe?

THEY DON'T WANT ANY FUSSJANEY MADE THAT CLEARJUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY PLUS

her friend AliceWHOSE WEDDING SHE WAS IN LAST YEARTHEY WANT TO KEEP IT SMALLYOU KNOW HOW IT GOES:YOU INVITE ONE UNCLEAND YOU HAVE TO ASK THEM ALLTHEN THE COUSINS AND THE FRIENDSAND THE NEIGHBORS AND THEIR DATESAND THE LIST GROWS AND GROWS ...

WINSTONI am not invited?

32

AGGIEYou're not listenihg to me.THEY HAVE TO LEAVE BY THURSDAY AFTERNOONOR THERE WON'T BE TIME FOR THEM TO HAVE THEIR HONEYMOONSO THEY HAVE TO DO IT QUICKA D ...

WINSTON(halting her)

And I am not to be considered iromediate family?Might I remind you that I am not only thegirl's uncle but her godfather.

AGGIEYou were Terry's godfather. Paddy stood up forJaney.

WINSTONPaddy? Who'd ask Paddy to be a godfather?

AGGIECan we fight one battle at a time? Don't youthink I want my favorite brother at my onlydaughter's wedding ...

WINSTONThen ask me. You just might find I'm free.

AGGIEIt's not up to me. The kids are trying to keepit small.

WINSTONReally? You can tell the kids for me: Resigningone's self to small is sad. Requesting it is tragic.

WINSTON pulls on his jacket andstarts to leave.

AGGIEFor heaven's sake, would you stop carrying on.Just imagine the fighting and fussing if wehave you and none of the rest. But, Winston, Ralph'speople are coming to dinner tonight and wewouldn't think of having them over without youhere.

33

r34

HE'S out the door.

AGGIEDinner's at ~even. Don't be late. And tie yourshoe!

JANEY enters and busies herself settingthe table and chairs.

JANEYAre you sure you told Uncle Win seven o'clock?

AGGIEPut ice in the pitcher.

JANEYThere's already ice in the glasses.

AGGIEWe're serving this dinner proper if nothingelse.

JANEYIt's supposed to be just a plain meal like wehave every night.

AGGIESomething's got to be special when your onlydaughter gets engaged and you're meeting yourin-laws for the first time.

JANEYMa, we've been all through this ...

AGGIEMrs Thompson at the green grocer said it waslike we were being shameful and secret the waywe was hustling you off.

(her mind racing)I hope I got them the right whiskey.

JANEYRalph says his father drinks too much.

AGGIEThat's no concern of ours.

JANEYNo pearls for the potatoes?

The MR AND MRS HALLORAN enter theLIVING ROOJl1 along with RALPH AND TOM.

MR. HALLORANRalph tells me you're in the taxi game.

TOMIt's not really much of a game.

RALPH(to Jane's rescue)

Let me help.

MRS. HALLORANWell, doesn't that all look scrumptious.

MR. HALLORANMust be fascinating work; driving a cab.

TOMThere is that side of it.

MR. HALLORANYou must get to see more than your share of thepassing parade.

TOMI wouldn't say that. But every now and then Iget a peek at it through the little mirror overthe windshield.

MR. HALLORAN(laughing too loudly)

The little mirror ... That's rich. Own your owncab, do you?

TOMRight now I have two partners in the medallion.That's the license the city sells you to run ataxi. But just this morning I got some fairlyexciting news. It looks like one of my ...

MR. HALLORANY'know, Hurley, I've been thinking about thekids getting hitched in such a hurry and itjust seems awfully cold to me. Not that I don'tunderstand, what with you just putting your boyin the ground this winter and all ...

35

RALPHDad!

MR. HALLORANWhat? We can be frank, can't we?

RALPHIt's our choice. Jane and I don't want a bigwedding.

MRS. HALLORANDon't be silly. What girl doesn't want a bigwedding?

MR. HALLORANSo if it's a matter of money I'd be more thanhappy to split the tab soup to nuts.

MRS. HALLORANWhy let money get in the way of everyone havinga good time?

RALPHMorn, Dad, please.

MR. HALLORANWhat? We're all family here.

AGGIE enters with the main courseof a whole fish beautifullydisplayed on a platter.

AGGIEHere we are ...

MRS. HALLORANOh, will you look at that.

MR. HALLORANYou certainly put on a swell feed.

JANEY(sarcastically)

Oh, we eat like this every night.

AGGIEWon't you all please pass your plates ...

36

AGGIE works to fill plates as ...

MR. HALLORANYou know what I'm going to do for you kids?

WE GOT THIS LISTING, JUST CAME IN

MUSIC BEGINS: ~YOUR CHILDREN'SHAPPINESS"

A FLOOR-THROUGH IN THE LOWER SLOPETWO BEDROOMS, KITCHEN, ALL REDONEA FIND, BUT WILL I SHOW IT?

Nope!I'M PUTTING YOUR NAMES ON THE LEASEAND FOR THE FIRST WHOLE YEAR I'LL PAY YOUR RENTAND ALL UTILITIES.MY WEDDING PRESENT TO YOU.NO, IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.EXPENSIVE, YES, I MUST CONFESSBUT YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON YOUR CHILDREN'S HAPPINESS!

A wedding is no place for coupon clippers.Right, Hurley?

MR. HALLORANOUR GIRLS. :.

MRS. HALLORANYOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ...

MR. HALLORANTHEIR WEDDINGS - UNBELIEVABLElWORE MY CHECKBOOK DOWN TO THE BONE.

MRS. HALLORANTHE FOOD WAS ...

MR. HALLORANTHE APPETIZER TABLE ALONE ...

MRS. HALLORANSO MUCH CAVIAR ...

MR. HALLORANBELUGA, OF COURSE.

MRS. HALLORANFLOWN IN!

37

MR. HALLORANWHICH COST ABOUT TWO MONTHS OF WHAT YOUR RENT WILL BE.WORTH EV'RY PENNY!

MRS. HALLORANSO BEAUTIFUL~

MR. HALLORANTHEIR BEAMING FACES ...

MRS. HALLORANTEARS 0 F JOY ...

MR. HALLORANAND FOND EMBRACES.

MRS. HALLORANWE GAVE THEM ...

MR. HALLORANTHE BEST AND NOTHING LESS ...

MRS. HALLORANYOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON YOUR CHILDREN'S HAPPINESS.

AGGIEWell, we thought we'd make the kids a presentof a check, let them do what it is they want.

MRS. HALLORANWhy, isn't that practical.

AGGIEFive thousand dollars.

TOM(involuntarily)

Five?AGGIE cuts him off with a glare.

MR. & MRS. HALLORANSO RALPH AND JANE ARE SAYING THEY DON'T WANT A BIG AFFAIRBUT WHO'D COMPLAIN TO FIND A FANCY HALLAND SEVERAL HUNDRED'PEOPLE WAITING THERE?

MR. HALLORANFROM THE MOMENT I DISCOVERED THAT MY DAUGHTERS WERE ENGAGEDI WAS BURNING UP THE PHONE LINES LIKE A WAR WAS BEING WAGED

38

AND THEIR DREAMS WERE ALL EXCEEDED IN THE WEDDINGS THAT ISTAGED.

MR. & MRS. HALLORANAFTER ALL, YOUR ONLY FLESH AND BLOOD DESERVE THINGS IN EXCESSAND THEIR SPECIAL DAY IS WORTH THE HUGE EXPENSES AND THESTRESSSO WHETHER THEY WANT A FUSS OR NOT THE ANSWER SHOULD BE ...

MR. HALLORANYES ...

MRS. HALLORANYES!

WINSTON appears in the doorwayvirtually ending the song ...

AGGIEYou're late.

WINSTONI went out seeking a tonic for mytroubles ... and got more than Ibargained for.

AGGIEMy brother has always been the funny one.

(taking control of WINSTON)Mr and Mrs Halloran, this is my brother Winston.

MR. HALLORANNice to meet you.

MRS. HALLORANA pleasure.

WINSTONOh, the pleasure is mine, Mrs. Hooligan.

AGGIEWinston, Mr. HALLORAN was just telling us abouthis daughter's wedding.

MUSIC BEGINS: "IMMEDIATE FAMILY"

WINSTON

39

Only ...IMMEDIATE FAMILY.

MRS. HALLORANExcuse me?

WINSTONThe kids will be inviting only ...

IMMEDIATE FAMILYTHAT'S WHAT THEY SAIDBUT I KNOW WHAT THEY MEANT--I DON'T HAVE TO BE HIT IN THE HEADTO SEE THROUGH TO THEIR TRUE INTENTTO EXCLUDE A CERTAIN UNCLEJUST BECAUSE HIS BRANCH ON THE FAMILY TREEIS A WEE BIT BENT.

AGGIEWinston, have some fish.

WINSTONWas there ever a truer gesture of familial love?

PASSING YOU A PLATTERWHILE THEY TELL YOU YOU DON'T MATTER.

IMMEDIATE FAMILYTHOSE FOLKS YOU SOMETIMES HATEBUT HAVE TO SUCK IT UP AND TOLERATE.

IMMEDIATE FAMILYTHE ONES WHO GET TO TREAT YOU BADBECAUSE, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DOYOU CAN BET YOU'RE STUCK WITH THEMAND, MUCH TO THEIR OBVIOUS REGRET,THEY'RE STUCK WITH YOU.

Don't you agree, Mr. Harrigan?

AGGIECould we discuss this later?

WINSTONAbsolutely. But why put off 'til tomorrowwhat we've avoided up 'til today?

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE TO SEE THE DAYMY OWN SISTER--WOULD TURN HER BACK ON ME THIS WAY.BUT I'VE SEEN LOTS OF OTHER FAMILIES DO ITSO IT'S NOT LIKE I'M A STRANGER ... TO IT.

40

KEITH, MY BUSINESS PARTNER OF ALMOST TWO YEARSWOULD BURY HIS FACE IN MY LAP

Oh, yes he would.AND SOAK MY CROTCH WITH TEARSBECAUSE, THOUGH THEY OCCASIOrALLY PHONED HIM,HIS FAMILY HAD BASICALLY DISOWNED HIM.

And do you know why?

MRS. HALLORl\NI'm sure I couldn't guess.

WINSTONOf course you could, Mrs. Hooligan, but youwould have had to have lived an entirelydifferent life. Keith, like me, is a confirmedbachelor uncle. And confirmed or not, bacheloruncles are apparently to be kept outside;outside like the family dog.

JANEYThis has nothing to do with you. We're not invitingany aunts or uncles.

MRS. HALLORANNo aunts or uncles?

JANEYIt'll just be immediate family.

MR. HALLORANYou never said anything ...

RALPHI told you that. I absolutely did, right off.

MRS. HALLORANRidiculous.

MR. HALLORANWho has a wedding without relatives?

MRS. HALLORANAunt Thelma would be distraught. And what aboutGranny?

WINSTONPoor poor Granny.

41

RALPHIt's our wedding and we'll do what we like.

MR. HALLORANIf you really want to make us feel left out whynot just elope?

RALPHDon't tempt me.

MRS. HALLORANRalph Halloran!

MR. HALLORANYoung man, we will discuss this at home.

WINSTONBelieve me I feel for you, Mrs Harrigan. Imyself sought to leave this

DEN OF DOMESTICITYAND THE UGLINESS BENEATHTO FIND A BIT OF COMFORTWITH THE AFOREMENTIONED KEITHBUT POISONED BY WEDDING MADNESSAND ENVY OF THOSE WITH A SPOUSEHE'S ISSUED A DEMAND THAT WE KEEP HOUSE!

He accused me of living with my sister in order to avoidpersonal entanglements. Do you know what I toldhim? "You're not as dumb as you look!"

MR. HALLORANI've had about enough of this.

WINSTONYou? How about me?

I'VE SPENT FIFTY YEARS AVOIDING COHABITAL MESSONLY TO BE DERAILED BY THIS "NIAGRA FALLS EXPRESS"

Keep house? I told that silly son of a bitch, "Theonly house people like us get to keep is in thepouf ward of a padded palace." Period.

JANEY(to AGGIE)

Can't you do something?

AGGIE(to Winston)

Winston. Stop.

42

WINSTON~ have broken the vow of silence. It's straightto hell without supper for me. So if you willkindly remove your peas and posteriors, I willtake to the cloistered confines of my secretshame.

MRS. HALLORANExcuse me?

liVINSTONNo, excuse me.

(pointing to the couch whereon she sits)That's my bed you're sitting on.

MRS. HALLORAN jumps to her feet,flustered.

MRS. HALLORANOh. I had no idea. I'm so sorry.

WINSTON,My, but you're a breath of fresh air, Mrs.Homonym. I feel like I can tell you anything.

RALPHYou can't.

WINSTON sweeps her up to dance as thesofa and doors fade away.

WINSTONShall we?

IMMEDIATE FAMILYCAN HAVE SUCH NARROW MINDSYOU'D THINK THEIR HEADS WERE UP THEIR BEHINDS.

THE HALLORANS gather their things.

IMMEDIATE FAMILYWILL LET YOU KNOW YOU DON'T BELONGIN NOT SO SUBTLE LITTLE WAYSAND NEVER LET YOU FORGETTHAT YOU ARE FOREVER IN THEIR DEBT ...

THE HALLORANS and RALPH exit.

43

BUT WAITII'M NOT NEARLY FINISHED YET!LET'S TOAST OUR FIANCES ..... . AND IMMEDIATE FAMILY!WHEN I THINK OF THE PETTY, ANNOYING, DISLOYALIMMEDIATE FAMILY I DEFINEWELL, I'M NOT ONE TO WHINESO HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINETHOUGH YOU SAY I'M NOT YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILYYOU ARE SURELY ...

JANEY exits

THE SERGEANT steps out of theshadows. WINSTON sees her and cutsoff the song dead ... AGGIE and TOMnow turn and see her as well.

SERGEANTGood evening, Mrs. Hurley? I don't want todisturb your supper. You and your husband leftso early this morning we weren't able to catchyou. I'm sorry. I'll make this as quick as Ican and leave you in peace.

On behalf of the Commander and Chief of theArmed Forces, the Secretary of Defense, theUnited States Army, and a grateful nation, Ipresent you with this flag from the MemorialService along with your son's medals andpapers.

SHE hands the objects to a stunnedAGGIE.

SERGEANTI took the liberty of bringing the familybereavement benefit. I thought, as long as Iwas coming ... Rather than sending it in themail. I thought ... I'm sorry, Ma'am.

(she salutes her)My sincerest condolences. Good night.

SHE turns on her heel and is gone.WINSTON withdraws.

AGGIE looks first at the medal inits case and then hands it to TOM.SHE studies the neatly folded flag

44

and hands that to him as well ...SHE looks at the letter, SHE readsthe brief note and then stares atthe check.

TOM takes the letter from her andreads it. HE then reaches out totake the check, but AGGIEresists ...

AGGIEThis check is going to buy a fine wedding.

TOMWhat?

AGGIEA catered affair with a white lace gown,an orchestra, a cake, and flower girls ...

TOMAggie, you know the kids have to get marriedThursday if they want to take the car ...

AGGIEI have been explaining about that car and thegirl with the baby and every time I tell it -it sounds sillier and sillier.

TOMThe kids got plans.

AGGIETom Hurley, in the course of this one day Ihave been accused of atheism, of hating mychildren, of covering up a scandal, of being apiker, a pauper, and I damn near broke mybrother's heart ... And when that Halloranstarted in on how he's paying the kids' rent ...

TOMOh, you know how blowhards like him are ...

AGGIEHe's giving them a home. What are wegiving her? A check? Any stranger can hand you acheck. We're her parents.

TOM

4S

But that money is our whole future.

MUSIC BEGINS: "OUR ONLY DAUGHTER"

AGGIE(standing her ground)

WE'VE NEVER BEEN KIND TO HER, TOMWE ALWAYS TREATED HER COLDI'LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT

WE ALWAYS FAVORED THE BOYWE DID, TOM, GOD REST HIS SOUL,WE ALWAYS TREATED HIM GOODGAVE HIM WHATEVER WE COULDBUT NOT THE GIRL

SHE NEVER ASKED FOR MUCHBECAUSE WE TAUGHT HERNOT TO EXPECT TOO MUCHOUR ONLY DAUGHTER

WE MANAGED TO SEND HIM TO SCHOOLTHOUGH HE NEVER WANTED TO GODROPPED OUT, JOINED UP, AND OFF HE FLEW

SHE HAD HER COLLEGE PICKED OUTBUT THAT WAS WHEN BUSINESS GOT SLOWWE COULDN'T GIVE HER A DIMESHE HAD TO START WORKING FULL-TIMETO HELP US THROUGH

SHE NEVER ASKED FOR MOREBECAUSE LIFE TAUGHT HERTHAT THERE WAS NOTHING MORE FOROUR ONLY DAUGHTER

WE GAVE HIM ALL THAT WE HADAND WHAT IS THERE LEFT?A FLAG AND SOME MEDALS TO THROW IN A DRAWER

YOU SAY THIS CHECK IS OUR FUTUREBUT THAT'S NOT THE TRUTHI SAY YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR FUTUREAND THOUGH THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN BUY BACK HER YOUTHWE CAN STILL GIVE HER ONE PERFECT DAYTO REMEMBER US FOR

PLEASE! LET'S GIVE HER THIS ONE THING, TOMONE THING THAT'S SPECIAL FOR HER

46

ONE THING SHE'LL SMILE ABOUT ALL OF HER DAYS

A BEAUTIFUL CATERSD AFFAIRWITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AROUNDA BIG SATIN PHOTO BOOKSHE CAN LOOK AT WHEN TIMES GET BADTHINK OF HER MOM AND HER DADAND THE ONLY BIT OF JOY WE EVER BROUGHT HEROUR ONE REMAINING CHILDOUR LITTLE GIRLOUR ONLY DAUGHTER.

Lights fade.

MUSIC BEGINS:

WINSTON appears to oversee theclearing of the stage but first stopsto study the government check.

WINSTON places a chair centerstage and the BRIDAL SHOP appears.

A bridal gowned JANEY enters,attended by a SALESWOMAN.

Satisfied, WINSTON drifts off. AGGIEenters.

JANEY climbs up onto the chair forher fitting.

BRIDAL SALESWOMANBlowout, sweetheart. You've got to suck it inif you want me to get this zipper closed.

JANEYHow am I supposed to breathe?

BRIDAL SALESWOMANBrides don't breathe. Not if they want awaistline. And you know what they say aboutbrides without waistlines.

AGGIEI'm going to have to take a cab to meet your Paand uncle at the hall. The church depositcleaned me out. Can you let me have a couple ofbucks?

47

JP.NEYRight there in my purse.

AGGIEI'll pay you back at the house tonight.

JANEYYou almost ready, Ma? I'm pretty sure this isthe one.

AGGIELet me have it.

JANEYYes?

AGGIEOh, Janey, it's beautiful.

BRIDAL SALESWOMANThere's a veil we suggest with this model. Letme find it.

THE SALESWOMAN goes off.

AGGIEThank you for doing this for me.

JANEYYou don't hear me beefing, do you?

(she turns her head and is surprised byher own reflection in the mirror)

MUSIC BEGINS: ONE WHITE DRESS

JANEYI WASN'T ONE OF THOSE SILLY LITTLE GIRLSTHOSE PERFECT PINK AND FRILLY LITTLE GIRLSWHO LONG TO WEAR MAKEUPJUST ACHING TO CAKE UP THEIR PORESMAKEUP STILL BORES ME

I NEVER MOONED OVER BRIDAL MAGAZINESOR SAPPY WEDDING SCENES I SAW ON MOVIE SCREENSAND I MIGHT AS WELL FESS UPI NEVER PLAYED DRESS-UP AND SUCHSO WHY AM I ENJOYING THIS SO MUCH?

48

WHO WOULD IMAGINE THAT ONE WHITE DRESSCOULD TOTALLY SPIN MY HEAD AROUND?I WOULDN'T BE AN EMOTIONAL MESSOVER ANY OTHER DRESS I FOUND

I'VE NEVER BEEN ONE FOR SHOPPING TILL I DROPOR SQUEEZING INTO OUTFITS TIGHT ENOUGH TO POPAND PRIMPING, I HATE TO!I USU'LLY CAN'T WAIT TO BE DONEBUT I HAVE TO ADMIT ...

JANEY & AGGIEThis is fun!

JANEYWHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?I'VE BEEN SENSIBLE ALL MY LIFEMAYBE I NEED THIS LITTLE SPREEBEFORE I'M SOMEBODY'S SENSIBLE ...

AGGIEPRACTICAL ...

JANEYSERIOUS ...

AGGIEAND EVENTU'LLY TIRED OLD ...

49

~ JANEY & AGGIEWORN OUT WIFE ...

JANEYSO I'LL DO THOSE STRANGE THINGS THAT EVERYBODY DOESACTING LIKE THE FOOL I NEVER THOUGHT I WASPA WILL THROW SOME OLD TUX ONAND SPEND LOTS OF BUCKS ON THE SHOWIT REALLY SOUNDS CRAZY, I KNOW

WHO WOULD IMAGINE THAT ONE WHITE DRESSCOULD EASILY SHOVE ALL SENSE ASIDE?FILL UP A ROOM WITH HAPPINESSAND TURN A PRACTICAL,RATIONAL, SERIOUS,PLAIN-JANE-ORDINARY GIRLINTO A GIDDY BRIDE.

AGGIE

This is nice. I never took you kids outshopping much. Your brother hated the stores ...

(realizing what she's said)I'm sorry I didn't take more interest in youwhen you was a little girl. Your Pa and me ...We always had the curse of money over us. So Ijust got you what I could when I could.

JANEYWe're certainly making up for it today. Ma, whydon't we tell Pa the dress cost half and I'llmake up the difference.

AGGIEHe'll be fine. All he needs do is remember howwe got hitched. He only married me because ...Well, you already know about me being a "bridewith no waistline".

AGGIEYour Pa and my Pa, God rest his soul, theydrove cabs out of the same garage. "Hurley,you're gonna do right by that girl and marryher. End of discussion." He says, "And inreturn I'~l buy you a share in your ownmedallion." They shook on it and that was that.

JANEYYou didn't have a say?

AGGIEIn my condition? What was I going to say?So he married me. Well, once he got the cash.Oh, I'm exaggerating a little, but that's thegist. And he's a good man, your Pa. These lastmonths since Terence was killed ... I might havedied myself if not for the steadiness of yourfather.

JANEYI never knew that story about grandpa and thetaxi.

AGGIE(digging)

Jane. You and me have never been close. It's noreproach to you. But with all that's happened,you start looking back at things ...

50

THE SALESWOMAN returns with theveil.

BRIDAL SALESWOMANHere we are. Lovely, isn't it? So delicate.

AGGIE takes the veil from her.

AGGIECan we see that dress with the beads again?

BRIDAL SALESWOMANOh, but that one can't compare ...

(assessing the moment)I'll go look for it.

SHE goes off. AGGIE places theveil on her daughter's head andthey look in the mirror.WINSTON watches from upstage.

JANEYI don't need any of this, Ma.

MUSIC cue:

AGGIEMy wedding was done in such a rush, me in acotton print dress not fit to be seen on thestreet let alone be married in. Oh, I said Ididn't mind. But I did ... to this day.I want you to have this one fine thing with allthe trimmings. Something for when the bad dayscome and you're all wore out and growing old.

JANEYIs your life really all that bad, Ma?

AGGIEMy life is not something I think about. Okay?

JANEYOkay.

JANEY dreamily drifts offstage inher gown.

AGGIE

51

52

Beautiful.

WINSTONSimply, Beautiful.

WINSTON conjures an empty cateringhall.

HE steps into the scene, breathing itall in, followed by TOM.

WINSTONA beautiful place for a wedding. Oh, this wasthe right decision, Tom; to launch them ontothe sea of life like a fine ship with all flagsflying.

TOMHow long is this going to take? I want to getout to the airport for the foreign flights.

WINSTONBefore I forget; Sam came looking for you. Hesaid he'd be back around dinnertime.

AGGIEOh, Winston. Wait 'til you see the dress with alace train way onto the floor.

TOMCan we get the guy to glve us the bad news so'sI can get back to work?

AGGIEAnd the veil ... It's a kind of a tulle withapricot blossoms on the crown ...

The CATERER, a well suited woman,arrives cheerily.

CATERERHello. I know a fun family when I see one.

WINSTON(to himself)

This isn't going to go well.

CATERERMr. and Mrs. Curly?

AGGIEHurley.

TOMTwo hundred?

53

CATERER(trying to turn away discretely)

CATERERA catered affair is all about choices.

CATERERSomeone's raring to go.

TOMYou people have like a package deal?

WINSTONYou can call me Curly.

CATERERWell, wanting a wedding within the month wecertainly can't call you Early! Now, I've puttogether a few ideas, basic rates and a coupleof surprises ...

TOMHow much is all of this going to cost?

SHE hands the photos to AGGIE andWINSTON.

CATERERNow, how many do you expect in your party?

AGGIEClose to two hundred I'd say.

AGGIEWe'll be paring the list down as it is.

TOMWe never said anything like two hundred.

AGGIE(to caterer)

If you'll excuse us.

Of course.

AGGIENow look, Tom, there's Harry and John andBarney and Joe. Then the cousins and all thatcrowd. There must be eighteen of them alone.And how about Dave and Helen ...

TOMDave is not driving all the way up fromWheeling, West Virginia.

WINSTONNo. When he hears you're having an open barhe'll fly.

AGGIEAnd Jane will have a bunch of friends she'llwant to invite. I'd bet there's more like ahundred and fifty than a hundred.

TOMHow about just having them to the church? Whydo I gotta buy them all dinner? What you'replanning could eat up every cent I scrimped andsaved to buy my cab.

AGGIEYou scrimped and saved? You?

TOMAll right. We both did.

AGGIETom Hurley, we've had it hard between us, but Iwill not haggle and bicker with you no more.We're having this wedding and we're having itright sos's one day the girl will have a kindword for the mother and father who never gaveher nothing 'til now. Finished.

AGGIELet's just say, in round numbers, a hundred andfifty. Seventy-five for us, Seventy-five forthe groom's side.

TOMHow much?

54

I4

- --------------~-

CATEREROnce again; choices. Sit down or buffet? Passedhors d'oeuvres or trays? Now, let's begin rightafter the service. Now how many limousines willyou need?

TOMWhat do we need with limousines?

AGGIEHow else can the guests without cars get overhere from the church?

TOMEver hear of a subway?

AGGIEIf you'll excuse us.

WINSTONHold the phone. Now, Mrs - Miss ... ?

CATERERCall me Betty.

WINSTONOh, I just might.

TOMIf this don't beat all.

WINSTONTom, please, this is one of those things mypeople do best.

CATERERYou mean the Irish?

WINSTON(off TOM and AGGIE looking terrified)

Yeah. Sure. Why not?

WINSTON pulls the menu open TheCATERER takes notes wildly .

WINSTON

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1

Let's start with the menu: We can skip thesoup. Ya gotta give our relatives something tochew on or they start in on each other.

AGGIEHow about spare ribs?

WINSTONInspired. Cheap, filling and fun. Even you'vegotta like that, Tom.

(to Caterer)And toss in those little egg rolls. Then let'sfill them up with a great big salad. Maximumbulk at minimum price. Russian, French andVinaigrette dressings.

CATERERNo blue cheese?

WINSTONMaybe for dessert.

CATERERYou've done this before.

WINSTONNever with a church involved. Now to the meatof the matter ... ? Aggie?

AGGIEIt's all about choices.

WINSTON(proudly)

She's my sister. A choice they shall have; thebeef or the chicken.

CATERERHow about shrimp?

WINSTONThere are enough bottom feeders on the guestlist already.

AGGIECan we have roasted potatoes?

WINSTONGive that woman roasted potatoes ... with dill.

56

I.~

4

CATERERGreen beans with almor-ds, beets ...

WINSTONNo beets. Stains.

(indicating his shirt)Rentals.

CATERERAnd for dessert?

WINSTONThis is where most folks waste the money. We'realready paying for the cake, so a fruit plateand assorted cookies will do us fine.

TOMYa' got the cake, do you need the cookies?

WINSTONLet's talk about flowers ...

TOMCan't we just take the flowers from the church?

WINSTONNo, but if you'd like, on their way here, thelimos can pass through the cemetery and pick upa few things.

TOMI'm just saying we already paid for flowers ...

WINSTONAggie, what kind of arrangements would youlike?

AGGIEYou're doing fine, Win.

WINSTONNo, no, no, no, no. This is your party, Sis.What do you want?

AGGIEHonestly, Win, I've never been any good at ...

WINSTON

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Close your eyes.

AGGIEWhat?

WINSTONClose your eyes. Do it!

MUSIC BEGINS: "VISION"

WINSTONNow I want you to picture Janey in that weddingdress you just told me about. Got it?

SHE nods and smiles.

WINSTONIt's the big day. Two hundred guests gatheredhere in the front hall. Suddenly the room goeshushed as Janey appears, a princess in herbridal gown, surrounded by garlands of flowers.Can you see it?

AGGIEYes.

WINSTONWhat color are the flowers?

UPSTAGE the lights start toglimmer as an apparition of theaffair begins to take shape. Thefantasy will envelope the stage...

AGGIEPink. No, peach. No,

APRICOT BLOSSOMS JUST LIKE THE ONES ON HER VEILAPRICOT BLOSSOMSSET OFF WITH BABY'S BREATH AND WHITE ROSES

CATERERLovely.

AGGIEAPRICOT AND WHITE RIBBONS HANGING EVERYWHERE

CATERERCan do.

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AGGIEAND FREESIAI'VE ALWAYS LOVED THE SCENT OF FREESIA

WINSTON(to Caterer)

Lavender freesia.

CATERERThat will be extra.

TOMExtra what?

AGGIETHERE'S CANDLELIGHTWHITE CANDLES TIED WITH PASTEL BOWSIN TALL SILVER STICKS

WINSTONNow look into the dining room and see thetables ... What color are the cloths?

AGGIEWHITECRISP STARCHED WHITE

WINSTONUnder skirted in lavender.

(to Aggie)And the napkins?

AGGIEAPRICOT SET ON SIMPLE WHITE CHINAWITH ONE WHITE ROSE AT EACH PLACE

And the guest's names printed ... no written ina beautiful hand on white cards with the word,"welcome H above each.

CATERERShe's got a knack.

WINSTONHow about the cake? Tell me about the cake.

AGGIEOh, it's so elegant. The cake is white.

WHITE CAKE WITH APRICOT CREAM FILLINGThree tiers.

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WINSTON(to Caterer)

And a little bride and groom on top.

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AGGIENo. There's only one bride in the room andthat's my Janey. The cake is dripping in icingflowers. Flowers that match her weddingbouquet.

WINSTONAnd the music?

The WEDDING is now visible as in adream the room takes oncolor a chandeliers, candles, a cakeappears .JANEY enters in her weddinggown ...

AGGIEAND THE MUSIC WON'T EVER STOPNOT FROM THE MOMENT YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOORIT FILLS THE ROOMLIKE A CONCERT HALLCINDERELLA'S BALLSWIRLING AND SPINNING

RALPH, dressed in white tails,joins JANEY ...

A MAGICAL SPELLTHAT WILL MAKE YOU FORGET ALL YOUR WORRIESEVERYTHING'S GOLDENNOTHING GOES WRONGINSIDE THIS SONGIN THIS CANDLELIGHTON THIS PERFECT NIGHT

AND THEN, THERE THEY ARETHE IMPOSSIBLY BEAUTIFUL PAIRJUST TO LOOK AT THEM MAKES YOU ACHETO CARE LIKE THEY CARETO FEEL WHAT THEY FEELAND BELIEVE THAT IT'S REALTHIS IS WHAT GETTING MARRIED SHOULD BE!

RALPH takes JANEY'S hand and theydance ...

LOOK, HE'S TAKING HER HANDAS THEY FLOAT DOWN THE STAIRS FOR THEIR DANCETO A DIFFERENT SONGEVEN MORE HEARTBREAKINGEVEN MORE FULL OF ROMANCE

THE COUPLE separates and begin todrift as the vision fades ...

AND YOU KNOW FROM NOW ONIF YOU EVER SHOULD HEAR THAT SWEET SONGYOU'LL REMEMBER THIS HUSBAND AND WIFETHE LOVELY YOUNG GIRL IN HER WEDDING GOWNAND HER FLOWER CROWNGLIDING ACROSS THE FLOORIN THE ARMS OF THE MAN WHO ADORES HERTHE MAN SHE'LL ADOREFOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

AGGIE opens her eyes and we are onceagain in the empty catering hall.

WINSTON places a supportive hand onAGGIE's shoulder and then turns tousher in...

THE KITCHEN ... where ALICE is nervouslywaiting when JANE arrivesbreathlessly.

WINSTON watches from the downstageshadows.

JANEY (O.S.)Alice?

ALICEHere, Jane.

JANEYHi. Sorry. I know I'm late, but the dressfitting took longer than I thought, but waituntil you see it. This all startedbecause I wanted to avoid any fuss and look at

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62

me now. Ridiculous, right? Someone would think throwing myself abig wedding was the only thing I ever thought about. Ridiculous.Anyway, I got a head start on making the list of bridesmaids.

ALICEJane, I don't want to be your matron of honor.I can't.

JANEYWhat do you mean?

ALICEYou have to swear to God you won't tellanybody.

JANEYWhat's the matter?

ALICEI'm so ashamed about this, but when you called,after we hung up, I suddenly thought, "I'mgoing to have to get a dress."

JANEYOh, for heaven's sake ...

ALICEJane ... We don't have money to spend on abridesmaid dress. You know Bill's been out ofwork. He don't even sleep nights with worry.

JANEYBut the dresses I picked ...

ALICEAnd even if we could afford the dress, Bill'sgot to have a tuxedo. You know what a rentalcosts?

JANEYHe doesn't have to wear a tux.

ALICEIf I'm in the wedding party he has to wear atux.

JANEYThere will be plenty of guys in plain dark

suits.

ALICEBill doesn't have a plain dark suit. And whatabout my getting shoes to match the dress. Anda bag to match the shoes.

JANEYI'll give you the money. No one has to know.

ALICEWe can't afford it and that's that. And pleasedon't tell the girls about this. I'd die.

JANEYSo, you're broke. What's so terrible?

ALICEYou wouldn't say that in my place. Jane, wehaven't been married a year and already ...Maybe we should've thought it out more.

JANEYYou're just going through a rough time.

ALICEJane, I'm sorry. I can't talk about this.

JANEYYou're my best friend, Alice ...

ALICEI said I don't want to talk about it.

JANEYThe trouble with you is you're too sensitiveabout this stuff.

ALICE(holding back tears)

Jane, you say one more word and I'm going toget out of here.

JANEYIt's only money.

MUSIC CUE

ALICEI swear ...

63

JANEY(trying to calm her)

All right. All right.

But it's too late. ALICE burstsinto tears.

JANEYAlice ...

ALICELeave me alone.

And with that ALICE rushes away.

FIRE ESCAPE

RALPH appears on the fire escapeabove.

RALPHThis is all our fault. We both knew things weretough for them. So, why didn't we think aboutit before hurting their feelings? And I'd betthey're not our only friends in the same fix.

JANEYRalph, I called my mother to tell her I want tocancel the whole thing.

RALPHOh, thank you. Thank you. Sane words at last.

JANEYBut, before I can say a word she starts inabout how lucky we are that the ballroom stillhad an opening for us on the twenty-sixth ...

RALPHThe twenty-sixth? I knew we'd never make it forThursday, but the twenty-sixth?

JANEYThat's fast for a wedding. You've got to givepeople notice.

RALPHJane, if we get married on the twenty-sixth we

64

have no vacation. And what about the car?Everyone's counting on us; Kelly and her belly.

JANEYLook, Ralph, you okayed the whole deal.

RALPHI thought it meant I'd have to dance with mymother, not miss my honeymoon. And wait untilyou hear what my mother's been up to.

JANEYOh, no.

RALPHAs of this afternoon my mother has found thatwe are related by blood to no less than fifty-four people, and by marriage to another sixty-one. Then there are fifty odd more folks whodeserve the rare privilege of seeing me gethitched.

JANEYBut that's almost two hundred ...

RALPHAh, Janey, let's just run away. We've got thelicence. Let's just get married and go.

JANEYDo you know how much they put down indeposits?

RALPHWe'll pay your folks back. They'll save afortune and we'll save our sanity. You don'twant this. I don't want this .. Let's just leave.

JANEY(searching her heart)

Ralph ... I can't. I gotta do it for Ma andthat's that. If you'd been with her today ...How everything about the wedding made her lightup. I've never seen her like that ... I gotta dothis for her. Please.

RALPHIf it takes a catered affair to bring love tothe world I guess I can dance with my mother.

65

JANEYHow do you lose a button every time you wear ashirt?Ralph, when Ma was talking I was wondering whatit's been like for her; all these years withPa.

MUSIC BEGINS: "DON'T EVER STOPSAYING 'I LOVE YOU'"

I never stopped to think of my folks askids, crazy about each other. But they must havebeen.

I'VE NEVER HEARD THEM SAY THE WAY THEY FEEL.AS THINGS PROGRESSWILL WE FEEL LESS?THEY NEVER USE THOSE WORDS THAT MAKE LOVE REALTHEY WON'T GO NEAR THE WORDSAS THOUGH THEY FEAR THE WORDSBUT ME, I MUST CONFESS,I NEED TO HEAR THE WORDSOFTENTO SOFTEN THIS DOUBTFULNESS ...

PLEAS,E, TELL METICKLING MY EARFOR AS LONG AS IT'S SINCEREDON'T EVER STOP SAYING "I LOVE YOU"

RALPHI LOVE YOU ...

JANEYPLEASE, GIVE MEEV'RY SINGLE DAYTHAT THREE-SYLLABLE BOUQUETDON'T EVER STOP SAYING "I LOVE YOU"

RALPH... SO MUCH

JANEYACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER, SURELOVE CAN ENDUREWITHOUT BEING TOLD

BUT I NEED REMINDING, YESA VERBAL CARESSTO KEEP OUT THE COLD

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RALPHTHEN YOU'LL NEVER BE COLD

JANEYSO PLEASE, MORE THANI COULD EVER COUNTTHEN QUADRUPLE THAT AMOUNTDON'T EVER STOP SAYING "I LOVE YOUn

JANEY & RALPHCONTINUE TO GOWHERE YOUR HEART IS LEADING YOU

JANEYI WANT YOU SOTHAT I DON'T MIND NEEDING YOU

PLEASE, I'VE BEENOUT HERE ON MY OWNNOW MAKE YOUR FEELINGS KNOWNDON'T EVER STOP SAYING IT I LOVE YOU"

RALPHIT'S EASY TO SAYIT'S EASY TO DOI'VE NEVER LOVED ANYTH~NGLIKE I LOVE YOU ...

JANEYBUT I NEED REMINDING, LOTSNO DIAMONDS OR YACHTSJUST WHISPERED FORGET-ME-NOTS

RALPH embraces her in a kiss ...and then climbs down the stairs.

JANEY watches as TOM en~ers thekitchen below.

RALPH looks back up at JANEY.

RALPHPLEASE, TRUST ME ANY DOUBTFUL DAYTO KISS YOUR FEARS AWAYI'LL NEVER STOP SAYING ...

AGGIE enters as TOM searches thefridge for something to eat.

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68

RALPH & JANEYI LOVE YOU.

AGGIEDon't spoil your appetite, I'm making chops.

WINSTON escorts RALPH from the stage asthe scene in the kitchen continues ...

AGGIEOh, and you'll be happy to know that I got ourinvitations down to sixty-seven. Our sixty-seven and Halloran's seventy-five will save youplenty. How about that?

JANEYNot so fast. There's another little snag.

AGGIEWhat are you talking about?

JANEYMa ... Ralph told me his mother is invitingabout a hundred and eighty people.

TOMA hundred and how many???

AGGIENo. I told her yesterday there'd be seventy-five for us, seventy-five from them. I made abig thing of how that's all the hall will hold.

TOMA hundred and eighty! ' ,

JANEYRalph's mad about it too.

TOMHow much more's that gonna cost?

AGGIEWould you stop carrying on?

TOMI'm asking for a bit of information.

AGGIERalph must be wrong.

TOMAnd didn't that woman say once we signed thecontract any extras would cost a premium? Alife savings flushed down the drain to feeddinner to a bunch of strangers.

AGGIE goes to the phone.

AGGIEThere must be some mistake. I'm calling Mrs.Halloran.

TOMEvery cent I have and before you're throughI'll be up to here in debt. It's criminal.

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JANEY7' Ma, maybe it's best we can the whole thing.. \

AGGIEI will not! Anyway, Ralph must be wrong.~ (into phone)Mrs. Halloran? This is Agnes Hurley. _Oh, we're all fine, And how are you? _Yeah. That's nice. Look, Mrs. Halloran, I justwanted to go over the invitation list with you.No, of course we wouldn't be inviting any ofthe same people. But .. Just how many do youthink you'll be asking? _A hundred and eighty-six????

TOM(from the kitchen)

A hundred and eighty-six!

AGGIENo, no, no. I just meant I thought we agreedthere'd be seventy-five for you and seventy-five for us. -Yeah, well ... I'll be talking to you. Yeah.Goodbye.

AGGIE hangs up the phone.

AGGIEI don't know what to tell your Pa. Go fix him

something to eat. Maybe that will make him alittle more peaceful.

AGGIE exits.

70

SAMJaney. Tom

(exci tedly)Today's the day!

SAM enters the apartment. JANEYsilently watches from the fire escape.

SAMIt's Wednesday. The down payment on themedallion?

TOMOh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With all these goings onI forgot.

SAMSay, that's right. I heard you're gettingmarried, Jane. Many happy returns I'm sure.So, let me have the check and I'll get out ofyour hair.

TOM(unable to even look at him)

Sam. I'm sorry, but I changed my mind.

SAMYou what?

TOMChanged my mind. Sorry.

JANE overhears all of this.SAM

You changed your mind? We've been waitingtwenty years to buy Pasternak's piece and youchanged your mind?

TOMMaybe we waited too long. If you don't do ityoung you kind of get past it.

SAM

What the hell ... ?

TOMWho needs to be the boss? Filling out papersmorning, noon and night. Okay, so you make afew extra bucks, But you're working harder thanyou did before and you got twice theresponsibility.

SAMIs he pulling my leg?

TOMI'm sorry, Sam.

SAMIs something wrong? You in some kind oftrouble?

TOMI can't do it. That's all.

AGGIE enters the room.

SAM wanders out as WINSTON entersthe scene excitedly with a box ofapricot colored corsages.

WINSTONAggie, my girl, look what I've been working on.Boutonnieres for the boys, corsages for thegirls, and even a little something for theMother Of The Bride. Here, proud papa, try thison for size.

(HE pins a flower on TOM)I'm telling you, the things you can find atWoolworths. And you'll be happy to know that myfriends Larry, Charlie and Kathleen can allmake the reception. And Keith, the silly-son-of-a-bitch, said he wouldn't miss it for theworld.

TOMFour more? Four more!

AGGIEYou asked all those people?

WINSTON

71

Don't worry. I'll pay for them myself.

AGGIEBut we don't even know them.

WINSTONAnd they don't know you. But that won't stopthem from having a good time.

TOMIf that don't beat all.

(exploding)Let me tell you - There will be no Charlie orLarry or anyone else. No more!

AGGIE(trying to get between them)

Now, look here Tom...

WINSTONI said I'd pay for them myself l I'm alreadypaying for the hall. You listen up, Tom. I havealways tried to treat you with respect ...

TOMOh, shut up!

AGGIEDon't yell at Winston. He said he'd pay.

TOMNot another person. Not another dime! And notanother word about it!

WINSTONIf that's the way you feel I don't need to goto your silly wedding either. And I don't need to spendanother night under your roof.

AGGIENow don't get up on your high horse ...

TOMSee you around!

AGGIEWinston, it's been a long and trying day ...

72

WINSTONI've done everything to try and please you peopleexcept disappear. We'll take care of that now.

WINSTON storms off.

TOMGood riddance!

AGGIEWas that really necessary?

TOMAggie, we're poor people. We got no businesscarting a bunch of strangers around inlimousines?

AGGIEStop. My head is splitting.

TOMAnd what about my head? You've ragged me fortwenty years about what a miser I am. Well,I've found dollars hard to come by, and I'mrightfully leery of ,letting them go. But I'msick to death of being put up in front of mykids as a penny-pincher. I done the best Icould but nothing is ever enough for you. Iseen the way you look up to that Halloran,bombasting on about all the money he spends.I chauffeur his sort every day of the week.They toss you a dime tip and then expect you tokiss their ass for it. But you, you thinkthat's somehow to be admired.

AGGIEIs it a crime to want something better for mykid? So what if I don't want Jane's lifeturning out like mine. So what if I don't wantto watch her scraping by day after day in aloveless marriage; nothing to look forward to,nothing to look back on, nothing but a lifetimeof days and nights filled with nothing.

JANE bursts into the room.JANEY

Stop. It's over. I'm calling it off.

AGGIE

73

Janey, your Pa and I are talking. Go back to your room.

JANEYNo. Nothing's worth this. I said yes to you andtwo days later my best friend hates me, myuncle's moving out, and my parents are on theverge of divorce. So, enough. We're gettingmarried at City Hall tomorrow morning just likewe planned.

AGGIEBut the deposits ...

JANEYI know you put money down on the hall and ahundred on the dress ...

TOMA hundred deposit? How much can one dress cost?

JANEYStop! It's finished. We'll pay you back everycent and it's done.

AGGIEBut the invitations went out, and your uncle'sdriving up from West Virginia ...

JANEYSo it's embarrassing. That's a whole lot betterthan all this fighting and Pa having to give upbuying his taxi cab ...

TOMHey! The cab's none of your affair.

AGGIEAll right. All right. Fine. We won't have awedding. All right?

TOM and JANEY are stopped byAGGIE'S surrender.

JANEYMa, I understand why you wanted to give methis.

AGGIEI said all right. I'll call the Hallorans.

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,

TOM(Almost not believing what he's hearing)

No. I'll call them. It's my place to call them.(no reaction from Aggie)

I'll go call Halloran.

TOM goes off.

JANEYMa ... ?

AGGIEGo to bed. Didn't you always want to get anearly start? Make a good start. That's thetrick of it.

JANEY leaves the room.

AGGIE sits quietly trying to holddown the volcano inside, but it'sno use. The tears spring forthfollowed by uncontrollable sobsand she surrenders to them wailinga mournful cry.

TOM appears. HE watches for amoment ...

TOMAggie? Aggie ....

SHE is done with her tears. SHEpulls herself together, trying tocatch her breath.

AGGIENow, that was a dumb thing to do .

TOMAggie, are you all right?

AGGIEJane go to bed?

TOMShe took down the suitcase. Must be packing.Aggie, what's wrong with you?

75

AGGIEI cried. So what? I cried. Someone wouldthink I come down with leprosy.

TOMYou've gone off your rocker about this wedding.

AGGIEIt's not the wedding. Who cares about thewedding? I just wanted to give our daughter somethingbefore she left, but you ... You're a cold andheartless thing, Tom Hurley. What kind of manlets his child leave home, never to come back,without a thought or care in the world?

TOMShe's getting married, Aggie. Not going to war.

AGGIELike that would make a difference?

TOMIs this about Terrence?

AGGIEDid you ever try talking him out of it? Did youever once tell him not to go?

TOMHow'd this get to be about Terrence?

AGGIEYou could have stopped him. You should havemade him go back to school ...

TOMHe was a grown man. I couldn't make him doanything.

AGGIEHow do you know? Did you even try?

TOMI was proud of him joining up.

AGGIEAnd he's dead. Proud of that?

76

TOMIt was his choice. It was his life.

AGGIEAnd he lost it. And I lost him.

TOMAnd I'm to blame. Sure. Why not?

MUSIC BEGINS: I STAYED

TOMME? ME AGAIN?IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULTIT'S ALWAYS HOW HAVE I LET YOU DOWNIT'S ALWAYS YOU THE SAINT AND ME THE SINNERME THE MISER, YOU THE MISER'S WIFETHE DISAPPOINTED ONEPUT OUT, TICKED OFFSPOILING FOR A FIGHT

WELL LET ME TELL YOU, AGGIE,YOU'RE NO FANCY BARGAIN

AGGIEYou got your money's worth.

TOMNO, YOUR FATHER GOT HIS MONEY'S WORTH IN MEWE ALWAYS ATE, THE RENT GOT PAIDDAY AND NIGHT I WORKED MY ASS OFFAND I STAYEDA THOUSAND TIMES I COULD'VE LEFT, BUT I STAYED.

EVEN WHEN YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE DIRT, I STAYEDHOWEVER MUCH MY PRIDE GOT HURT, I STAYEDONE STEP AHEAD OF THE BILLS AND BANKSNOT LIKE I EVER GOT ANY THANKSBUT I STAYED.NO MATTER HOW ROUGH IT'S BEEN WITH US, I STAYEDWHEN YOUR SISTERS BOTH MOVED IN WITH US, I STAYEDWHEN YOUR BROTHER NEEDED MONEY FOR THE STOREI COULD'VE SHOWN HIM TO THE DOORBUT I LOANED HIM MONEY, THEN LOANED HIM MOREAND FORGAVE THE DEBTA FACT YOU MANAGE TO FORGETWHEN YOU GIVE ME HELL FOR EVERY MISTAKE I MADE

AND AS YOUR TALLY OF MY FAULTS BEGINS TO MOUNT

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THE ONE BIG THING THAT NEVER EVER SEEMS TO COUNTIS THAT I STAYED.OF COURSE I WANT TO GIVE MY KID A WEDDINGBUT I THINK BLOWING TWENTY YEARS OF SAVINGS ON ONE NIGHTISN'T RIGHTIS THAT A CRIME?WHY CAN'T YOU SEE MY SIDE OF THINGS THIS ONE TIME?I NEARLY HAD ANOTHER PIECE OF THE MEDALLIONI NEARLY MADE THAT DREAM COME TRJEMAYBE WANTING IT SO MUCH WAS BEING SELFISHBUT I WANTED IT FOR YOU

TO SHOW YOU I COULD MAKE A GO ...TO PROVE I DIDN'T NEED YOUR FATHER'S DOUGH ...I STUCK IT OUT WHEN TIMES GOT TOUGHTO SHOW YOU I WAS GOOD ENOUGHTO SHOW YOU I DESERVED YOUAND TO PROVE TO YOU ... TO PROVE TO YOU ...AHH, WHAT'S THE USE!

LOOK AROUND YOU, AGGIE, EVERYBODY'S LEAVINGIN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER THEY BROKE FREEAND THE PERSON YOU'LL BE LIVING OUT YOUR DAYS WITHIS MEWHAT ABOUT ME?I STAYED.

You say you're stuck in a loveless marriage?I'm sorry you feel that way but don't put wordsin my mouth.

TOM has run out of words. HEstudies AGGIE and then leaves.

MUSIC BEGINS: MARRIED Reprise

AGGIE takes stock of the room, goes tothe window, opens it wide and steps outonto the fire escape where she takes inthe night sky ....

AGGIE... AND YOUR WAIST IS NOT SO SLIMYOU'LL STILL BE WITH HIM.

OH, I HAD TO HAVE HIM OR I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIEWHAT DID THAT FEEL LIKE?A GIRL HAS DREAMS BUT A WOMAN CAN ONLY SIGHAT THE FOOL SHE WAS

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SHOULDN'T SOMEBODY HAVE TOLD ME SO?SHOULDN'T MY FATHER HAVE TOLD ME NO?COULDN'T I JUST HAVE LET HIM GO?BUT I MADE MY BEDNOf;\7 I LIE AWAKEWITH A SILENT MANAND A CONSTANT ACHE

IT'S THE ROAD I TOOKOR THE ROAD TOOK MESO YOU MAKE THE BESTTHEN YOU LET IT BE

AND HE DID STAY ...AND HE DID SAY

"Don't put words in my mouth."

As AGGIE watches the SUN RISES and dawnbreaks.JANEY enters the kitchen, dressedneatly for her big day and carrying asuitcase.

JANEYMa? Can we take the transistor radio on thetrip?

AGGIE climbs back into the room.

AGGIESure. Go ahead. I seen your light on most ofthe night. You've been banging around sincedawn.

JANEYI couldn't sleep.

AGGIEI didn't sleep so good myself. Your Pa stayedout 'til the bars closed.

JANEYWhere is he?

AGGIESleeping it off.

JANEY

(looking for reassurance)You're not mad at him?

AGGIEMad? How can I be mad at what's been my wholelife?

SHE begins sewing a button backonto TOM's suit jacket.

JANEYYou better wake him. We're due at ten.

AGGIEYou'll be housekeeping yourself soon.

JANEYI was thinking that too.

AGGIEWell, it's not the easiest thing day after day,but you get used to it.

JANEYI'm so jumpy. I can't even sit down.

AGGIEI'd say a girl on her wedding day ought to be abit jumpy. You look nice. Are the girls takingyou for breakfast?

JANEYI'm already late. You'll be there, right?

AGGIEWe'll make it. Go on.

JANEYHere's your last shot for the birds and bees.

AGGIEJane ... Be happy. Go!

JANEY rushes out the door asWINSTON enters with his hat, coatand suitcase.

WINSTONI put fresh sheets on the fold out - It's all

80

l

ready in case I need to make a hasty retreat.

AGGIEWhere are you off to?

WINSTONI'm meeting Keith for coffee.

AGGIEWith a suitcase?

WINSTONWho am I to deny another his happiness?

AGGIETerry gone, Jane gone ... Y'know, we've neverbeen alone, Tom and me. Not from the first daywe were married. It's a funny thing, but therewere always other people around. So, after allthese years, something new: Tom and me alone.

(she's frightened herself)You know this will always be your home.

WINSTONThis will never be my home. Keith's right. Who am I here? Afamilial person seeking a bit of shelter andwarmth from someone else's hearth. Just an uncle.

AGGIEOh, Win ...

WINSTON(stopping her)

But to that silly son of a bitch, I'mimmediate family. The danger is that anyone canbecome an uncle, even in their own home, ifthey forget who they come to be with. Oh, don'tlook at me that way. I don't want to depend onsomeone else any more than you. But we canstomp our feet 'til doomsday, the earth won'tflatten out for us.

MUSIC BEGINS: "CONEY ISLAND"

So, Aggie my girl, what can we do?IT SEEMS THE WORLD'S DIVIDED UP IN PAIRSI USED TO THINK WE TOOK THAT NOAH'S ARK THING WAY TOO FARBUT NOW I THINK WE'RE MEANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE

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LIKE A MIRROR, SOMEONE WE CAN'T FOOLWHO KEEPS US HONEST, KNOWS US THROUGH AND THROUGH

AGGIEWho? Tom?

WINSTONI REMEMBER YOU AND ME AS KIDSTHE TIME WE WENT TO CONEY ISLANDAND I MADE YOU RIDE THE ROLLER-COASTERFROM THE START YOU CLOSED YOUR EYESAND AT THE END YOU LOOKED ALL LOST AND SADYOU PAID YOUR MONEY, TOOK THE RIDE BUT MISSED THE VIEW

Listen: YOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH ANOTHER RIDEDON'T WAIT UNTIL THE SCARY FEELINGS PASSJUST TAKE A BREATH AND OPEN UP YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW.

HE leaves his suitcase behind justwhere he did at the opening of theshow.

WINSTONCome have coffee with us.

AGGIEI'll wait for Tom.

WINSTONGood girl.

WINSTON moves upstage to watchinvisibly.

TOM enters.

TOMThe girl dressed?

AGGIEShe's gone ahead with her friends.

TOMWinston?

AGGIEGone with his.

TOM

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\,

~s

Aggie, I been thinking ... About last night ...

AGGIEHere, I fixed your jacket for you.

SHE holds out the jacket to him.HE reaches out toward her ...

TOMI was wrong. We should've had a specialsomething for her. It's a big thing; gettin'married.

SHE hands off the clothes awkwardly.

AGGIEJaney's getting married just the way she wants.And you and me will be there watching. There'snothing wrong in that.

TOMIT'S A BIG THING STAYIN' MARRIED.

(studying her)We've been doing it a long time.

AGGIEToo long? Too long a time?

TOMTo know somebody? It's like a day.

AGGIEFinish up or we'll be late.

LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

AGGIE goes straight for thegovernment check.

SHE studies it for a moment andthen puts it back on the table.SHE picks up the receiver of thephone and dials ...

MUSIC BEGINS: VISION ORCHESTRAL

AGGIEHello? Mr Pasternak? It's Agnes Hurley. Aboutyour share of the taxi ... I assume you'll take

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84

a check .... Good.

WINSTON ushers the TAXI centerStage and drops the keys next toAGGIE's purse where she finds them.

TOM enters dressed for the wedding andsees the cab.

TOMWas that Pasternak I seen dropping off the cab?What's it doing here? I ain't driving 'til thenight shift?

AGGIETom Hurley, would you have me waiting for a buswhile my only living daughter gets married.You will drive me downtown and that's that.Besides, I want to see the look on Halloran'sface when you pull up to City Hall in your veryown Taxi.

SHE gives the keys to him.

MUSIC SEGUES: DON'T EVER STOP SAYING ILOVE YOU - (REPRISE).

JANEY and RALPH are now on theupstage fire escape singing toeach other.The COMPANY appears as WE witness thewedding vows of JANEY and RALPH.

JANEY & RALPHSO EASY TO SAYA SIMPLE "I DO"AND ALL OF LIFE'S QUESTIONSARE ANSWERED IN YOU

JANEYBUT GOOD TO REMIND ME WHENI GET A YENTO BE REASSURED AGAIN ... AND AGAIN ... AND AGAIN ...

RALPH

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PLEASE, HEAR MEWHEN I TELL YOU THISAS SURE AS OUR FIRST KISS

JANEY & RALPHI'LL NEVER STOP SAYING ...

THEY are silenced in a kiss.

TOM(sings to AGGIE)

I LOVE YOU.

MUSIC BEGINS: "CONEY ISLAND"

WINSTONWE STUMBLE 'ROUND THIS COMPLICATED WORLDA SCARY PLACE WHERE NO ONE HAS THE PERFECT BOOK OF RULESFOR GETTING THROUGH ITSO AFRAID WE'VE GOT IT WRONGAND SOMEHOW SURE WE'RE IN IT ALL ALONEEVEN AS WE'RE WALKING HAND IN HAND

WINSTON walks towards his suitcase and takesit in hand.

COMPANYTHINK ABOUT A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFEA TIME WHEN YOU WERE FEELING LIKE A FRIGHTENED LITTLE KIDON A ROLLER-COASTERFROM THE START YOU CLOSED YOUR EYESAND AT THE END YOU LOOKED ALL LOST AND SADYOU PAID YOUR MONEY, TOOK THE RIDE BUT MISSED THE VIEW

WINSTONYOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH ANOTHER RIDEDON'T WAIT UNTIL THE SCARY FEELINGS PASSJUST TAKE A BREATH AND OPEN UP YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW.

WINSTON turns for a last look atthe world upstage as a FINAL CHORDrings out and the lights restorethe stage to the semi-darkness ofthe pre-set.

WINSTON picks up the suitcase and exits.

THE END

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