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Welcome one and all to the final edition of Cannonball for 2014! This issue is all about YEAR

12, and, well, the end of it. As school itself is drawing to a close, we wanted to initiate some

good ol’ fashioned nostalgia. Mmm … just like mum used to make. In this Issue, you’ll find no

fewer than 12 breathtaking articles, all based on the final year of school. Don’t believe me? Look

for yourself perhaps at The Guy Who Hates Everything’s final rant (I mean who doesn’t like a

good outburst on the last day of school?), or A Fair Day’s Pay For a Fair Day’s Work by John Swan

(gotta make sure you’re getting paid, kids). If neither of those tickles your fancy, you might be

interested in Year 12 Mythbusters by Daniel Harding, or perhaps Never Will I Ever by Georgia

McDonnell. If you’re interested in some old-school (maybe moderately-fast-ageing-school)

Cannonball, take a look at Dion Pietrosanti’s An Unconventional Royal Life and Mystical Mackenzie.

Now that we’ve listed a good number of articles, let’s move on.

Taking on Cannonball this year has, at times, seemed like a terrible idea (particularly if you have

a Spec and Physics test the next day and you’re trying to think up things for the Approval

Matrix). Although it appears to be just a few pages, imagine trying to convince ten Year 12s – all

stacked with assignments and test – that they should take hours out of their day to write

something that will in no way at all assist their Year 12 studies. Add on hours of editing, chasing

up articles, formatting and finding pictures, and it is not an easy task. Overall though,

Cannonball has been one of our favourite things about this year – if nothing else, it’s a great

talking point, particularly reactions to Will Duncan’s “articles”. Once again, we would like to

thank everyone who helped in the production of this issue; it really does make a difference. To

all of the Year 12s that have continually contributed to Cannonball, thank you so much, for

making our lives so much easier. Thanks go to Mr Coffey and Mr Passaniti for their continued

support; the lovely ladies in the book room for letting us print; Mr Haskell for taking us under his

wing; to everyone who actually bothers reading this; and Lucy Caretti for doing the cover of this

issue!

To all the Years 12s, we hope that reading this provides some well-deserved procrastination

during SWOT Vac; best wishes for your exams and all of your future endeavours! For

continuity’s sake, I’ll leave you with another Cyanide and Happiness; look, it’s even cut up for

you (well, kinda).

– The Lorax xox

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Editorial 3

It’s A Small World Lauren Skinner 4

20 Things I’ll Miss About School Esther Fong 5

Mystical Mackenzie Mackenzie Cavaiuolo 6

A Fair Day’s Pay for a Fair Day’s Work John Swan 7

O My Faithful Max Wurm 10

A Final Word The Guy Who Hates Everything 12

The Approval Matrix 14

VOX POP Jean-Marie Nguyen 16

Never Will I Ever Georgia McDonnell 19

An Unconventional Royal Life Dion Pietrosanti 20

Year 12 Mythbusters Daniel Harding 22

Where to from here? Emily Peacock 24

The Beginning of the End Christina Gavriliouk 26

The Best Joke in Reality Will Duncan 27

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By Lauren Skinner

“It’s a world of laughter and a world of tears; it’s a world of hopes and a world of fears.”

These lyrics form part of Walt Disney’s “It’s a Small World”, the theme song for an attraction at

every Disneyland in the world, promoting international unity and global peace. While the theme

of this article is neither unity nor peace, this idea of ‘a small world’ got me thinking about our

‘small world’ at school. Despite having family, friends, commitments and a life outside of school,

for most of us, our time at school is our world. We spend seven hours a day, five days a week in

the same buildings, with the same people, often even seeing these same people on the weekend

for sporting or social events, and we have been doing so (although in different schools for some)

for the past thirteen years. At school we have our groups and our classes; we know where we

belong. We understand the social hierarchies – which Year 12 tables we can sit at and which we

can’t; we understand that most of our conversations will gravitate to who has more work or who

got less sleep last night; and we understand that upon sighting Mr Coffey your best bet is to just

pull your socks up, because you know he’s going to ask you to. Essentially, we know things

work. Our little world at school is “a world of laughter and a world of tears; a world of hopes

and a world of fears”, and it is all we have ever known. For us Year 12s, next year our small

world will be gone. All of the social norms and expectations we have grown accustomed to over

the past thirteen years will be gone. We will no longer have to ask to go to the bathroom, or be

asked to pull our socks up, or sit in a Rector’s assembly. Our small world of homework, of free

tuckshop food, of school sport, of breakfasts in Homeroom, is about to get a whole lot bigger. I

guess in a way that’s a pretty scary idea, the classic “welcome to the real world”. But, personally,

I just think it’s exciting.

While you’re at school, it seems like that’s all there will ever be. School defines how we organise

our time, how we organise our lives; we attend sports practises ‘after school’, we are free to catch

up with friends in the ‘school holidays’. For those of us in Year 12, there will never again be

school holidays. Those of us attending university may have a similar experience, but there will

be none of the rigidity of school; if we don’t want to go to a lecture, we won’t. We’ll still be free

to catch up for lunch, or take a work shift in the middle of the day. Maybe it’s just me, but at the

moment that seems crazy, because everything I have ever done has been based around school, or

worked to fit school.

This past year has certainly been one of the most challenging, exciting and fun years of my life.

Being part of our small world at Iggies has been an unbelievable experience, and I will treasure

the relationships I have formed here forever. To all of my fellow Year 12s, best of luck in your

new worlds, it sure has been great sharing this one with you.

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O Z V D A Q M W K N L T X T W M D T E A C A H W Y

Q H S L K M W I Y I R Q W G G M O B O Q A N O L F

F G C H I H G G S B F F H P W R G S Z U T B F H B

L U W C P Q Y I Z S L Y B P E E F C K W A A C Q G

T O H Y V O Y L C Y N T R L D W O H F C R L I E R

S T O N X S K B R O N G O S Y W S O I P H I U W M

T T J H G D W L K N V K U Y X T H O Q S J E B R F

U G F N C G T H O R S I Y Y U E T L T K E R T E G

O P I X Y S K I B U O V W F E V P I N R P Q L Y U

M K C Y H W T O X P J B P X L N E E X W Y B H R D

X P H Z P A A S T M G M F C O L D S A S E X A M S

X E X E U P G J X B A R J U P U E O Q S A A W H R

J B D D C R U E S T R Z H M I U H X O T M Q O L W

O A A T B S O E M B G K S L U N T L Q E D A D Z S

P R T X I G N S W B A O V A X N E H G V Y A F L V

G D Y M U I J Z H A C A V A C H R A G L M V T C B

Z U R Q O D R T C P I M Z Z H E A K D E E C D S M

H K N R H H G Q H R I D Y O O H H H H W A U A O F

L P S K G X W U P T X F Z W W S C O A T H E D P T

O B U K V X Z G Q R A D X G M N I X Z I C E O N T

L F O B T A D M A Q L N Q D H H R M C W F E F L D

J O N N R X E Z J N L B V T L G W T O H D D N J F

Z V C H P W N T D Q P S B U K P O K T V V T B E Z

I N U S B O U T V Y B A D W X Q H A I K A L P F T

G R A D A T G R A D Z Y Q L E V Y Y U Z U U N J A

SENIOR WORD FIND

ATAR

Dux

Exams

Get Rekt

Grad at Grad

Graduation

How Rich are the Depths of God

Kingsy

Miss Nguyen

SACE

School

Schoolies

Seniors

#SOL

Twelve

Uni

1. Mr Zub's absurd stories during orchestra 2. Free food at the tuck shop 3. Seeing 145 (?) of my favourite people every day 4. Going without food for an entire day because of Senior Vocal at lunch 5. Sitting by the pool at swimming carnival, cheering and wishing you were good at sport 6. The very distinct smell of the girls' change room (not) 7. Mr Coffey's pep talks every assembly/Yr 10 Religion class/economics class 8. That moment when the Senior School joins in singing Deo Gloria and trumps the Junior School at

Patronal Mass 9. Year 8 Religion with Ms Pilla and the daily exercises that went with it 10. Struggling to carry the bass drum down to the Hall every Tuesday morn’ for voluntary mass 11. Pulling up my socks about every 10 minutes 12. Waking up at 7:30a, (or in my case 8am) on a Saturday morning for netball 13. Bulging blazer pockets at speech day 14. How impressed Mr OB is after he makes an irritating comment which HE thinks is hilarious 15. All of Kairos 16. Catching up with Mr Dales in the corridor when you're meant to be in class 17. Chucking your water bottle in the lockers outside the library and leaving it there forever. 18. Every Drama lesson ever 19. The music department’s creaky floorboards and general crappiness 20. DR HEATLEY’S WORDS OF WISDOM

20 Things I’ll Miss About Ignatius’ By Esther Fong

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For the very last time, Mystical Mackenzie will be answering all of your weird and wonderful life

predicaments, love conundrums and queries about the inner workings of Saint Ignatius’ College.

It has been an honour solving all of your problems during this magical year; I wish you all the

best in your future endeavours. My ask.fm will always be open for each and every one of you if

you ever stumble across a problem that can only be solved by the Mystic. It can be found at

ask.fm/MysticalMackenzie (plz no hate).

Dear Mystical Mackenzie,

After exams I’m going to have so much free time, what should I waste it on?

Why not take up a hobby! You could take up a quick and easy one such as coin collecting,

gardening or playing the cello. If that doesn’t appeal to you, try an extreme hobby that is sure to

impress all of your friends and waste all your free time.

I have compiled a short list of extreme hobbies; at least one of them is sure to tickle your fancy:

1. Extreme ironing (Iron Man loves this one, ha ha ha…)

2. Competitive duck herding (just as you would with sheep)

3. Beetle fighting (just don’t let PETA catch you)

4. Suing (Google Jonathan Lee Riches, he was awarded a Guiness World Record for filing

the most lawsuits ever - soon after he sued Guiness World Records)

Hi Mystic,

I’m worried that I will lose touch with all my friends, do you have

any advice for keeping friendships after school is finished?

The only way I connect with all my friends is via an Ouija

Board, and we never lose touch!

Hey Mystical Mac,

What should I do if I don’t get a high enough ATAR for the course

I want to get into?

(see picture)

Dear Mystical Mackenzie,

I’m a kinda shy guy and I’m nervous about making new friends at Uni. Any tips?

On your first day of Uni carry around a random object with you at all times. This could be a

balloon, cheese grater or bowling ball. Everyone will be curious as to why you’re carrying it

around and ask, ‘What’s with the [object]?’ To this you will reply: ‘a friend magnet’. You’re

welcome.

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A Fair Day’s Pay for a Fair Day’s Work By John Swan

All adults over 18 should receive 100% of the minimum wage Source: Australian Council of Trade Unions, 2013

The workplace wages and conditions for young Australians need urgent review. With Year 12s

preparing to leave school, many of us are discussing starting new jobs or increasing hours in

current ones. Youth wages, particularly for people aged over 18, is something which I, and many

others, find archaic and unfair. Why should adults of different ages be treated differently for the

same work? There are deplorable moves by some politicians to reduce the minimum wage

further for young people in areas of high youth unemployment, such as Adelaide’s northern

suburbs. They are neglecting the real cause of unemployment: the lack of jobs in disadvantaged

areas. Many youth are also being unfairly exploited by unscrupulous employers. Young people

need to take a stand as individuals and as a collective against such practices, whilst governments

need to work to create more jobs suitable for youths.

Age % of national minimum wage Minimum hourly rate

Under 16 36.8% $6.21

16 47.3% $7.98

17 57.8% $9.75

18 68.3% $11.52

19 82.5% $13.92

20 97.7% $16.48

Minimum wage by age

set by Fair Work Australia (1 July 2014)

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Youth wages are unfairly lower than the $16.87 minimum wage set by Australian Fair Work

Commission.1 As shown in the table above, youth wages for people aged under 21 are calculated

as a percentage based on age. Proponents argue that this increases the number of jobs in the

country, but the reality is that abolishing youth wages for people 18 years of age and older has

little impact on business, whilst substantially improving the lives of thousands of young people.

Youth wages worryingly encourage businesses to hire young workers and replace them when

they become older. Why should all adults not have the same rights to a decent wage? With 2.5

million Australians now living in poverty,2 youth wages exacerbate the issues of the working

poor, particularly for struggling families who rely on working children to supplement family

income. As such, youth wages are particularly damaging for low socio-economic communities.

Students who move out of home to work and study interstate, and those without family, are also

severely impacted by these draconian regulations. The argument that most employees will

somehow “choose” to reward young workers with higher wages is completely unrealistic. This is

an American tea-party idea that does not work with contemporary market pressures. It is time

for 100% pay at 18.

Family First Senator Bob Day and LDP Senator David Lyonhjelm both advocate scrapping the minimum wages for young people Source: Sydney Morning Herald, 2014

Moves by conservative commentators and politicians to entirely remove the minimum wage for

young people are even more distressing. Dangerous Senators Bob Day and David Lyonhjelm

1 Youth Entry Level Wages 2013, Australian Council of Trade Unions, accessed 17 October 2014,

<http://worksite.actu.org.au/youth-entry-level-wages/>. 2 2.5 million people living in poverty in Australia: new report 2014, Australian Council of Social Services,

accessed 17 October 2014, <http://www.acoss.org.au/media/release/2.5_million_people_living_in_poverty_in_australia_new_report>.

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want to abolish the minimum wage for young people in disadvantaged areas, instead relying on

workers to make unregulated wage negotiations with their employers.3 There are even louder

calls by other individuals to scrap penalty rates. These loadings make a substantial difference to

the lives of thousands of Australians, especially young people. These changes are unsurprisingly

supported by the big end of town, like mining magnate Gina Rinehart, Australia’s richest person.

In 2012, she disgracefully questioned why Australians cannot compete with Africans ‘willing to

work for $2 a day’.4 Ideologues who attempt to weaken our industrial relations laws must be

strongly denounced.

Young people starting jobs must be vigilant against deceitful employers. While the vast majority

of employers value and respect their employees, there are countless horror stories of enthusiastic

young people being exploited. Two common examples include dodgy unpaid “trial” work,

where employers make promises for later paid work, and underpayment of work. It is sad that

many businesses - often with highly respected names - abuse their power over vulnerable

workers. The best advice is to always remain vigilant about such actions, attempt to respectfully

communicate with your employer over any disputes, get help from the Fair Work Ombudsmen if

you feel exploited and join your relevant trade union. This year the Sushi Train restaurant chain

faced immense public scrutiny after a Fair Work investigation discovered industrial relation

malpractice.5 Corporate embarrassment is, unfortunately, often the best deterrent against

employee exploitation.

Our nation needs to examine the fairness of our industrial relations for young people. I strongly

believe that all adults from 18 deserve 100% of the minimum wage. This wage itself and penalty

rates also need to be defended. As young people, we need to continue to have the knowledge and

courage to protect our rights at work. Instead of looking to weaken industrial relations,

governments should be looking to create jobs through prudent investments, such as in education

and industry assistance. Combatting the growing wage inequality in Australia begins with

supporting vulnerable young workers. Once again, it’s time.

3 Politics Live 2014, Sydney Morning Herald, accessed 17 October 2014, <http://www.smh.com.au/federal-

politics/the-pulse-live/politics-live-september-3-2014-20140903-3es46.html>. 4 Aussies must compete with $2 a day workers: Rinehart 2012, Australian Broadcasting Corporation, accessed

17 October 2014, <http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-09-05/rinehart-says-aussie-workers-overpaid-unproductive/4243866>. 5 Fair Work Ombudsmen: Our Role 2009, Fair Work Australia, accessed 17 October 2014,

<http://www.fairwork.gov.au/About-us/our-role>.

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by Max Wurm

As some of you would know, I’ve been at Iggies since reception, which in itself is great and stuff,

but I’m not here to talk about that… I’m here to tell you about one of my most faithful

companions throughout both my Junior and Senior years—my lunchbox.

Before I started school, I wanted a good lunchbox—one that would really last. Strolling through

Officeworks, I gazed upon rows and rows of somewhat average food vessels. None of them

compared, however, to the blue and purple beauty which waited at the end of the aisle. It was

nothing other than love at first sight, simple as that.

As my first years of school went by, our relationship blossomed. We sat together in RA, 1M, 2G;

on the steps by the red carpet, the steps by the staff room, the steps by the IT lab. It was probably

Year 4 or 5 when we finally braved the steps by the church—each day a step higher—or even

ventured out to the tennis courts.

The first hurdle came in Year 4—I remember it like it was yesterday. Never had I lost sight of my

favourite food container, yet it was in this year that the blue and purple wonder went missing.

Hours and hours I looked for it, searching deep into my big blue bag for a sign, a flake from the

plastic lid, perhaps. Stage 2 exams compare nothing to the horror I felt; never have I gone

through a harder time in my life.

There was no replacement. I tried and tried to fill in the empty space in my heart, but the spare

lunchbox that I attempted to embrace was just not enough. If you ever been through lunchbox

withdrawal syndrome, you would know how I felt at this time; my heart sank every lunch time

and food had never tasted so bland—the pain was infinitely unbearable.

It was a great delight when I finally found the blue and purple sensation. As we embraced, a

sudden warmth crept through my veins; I was alive once again.

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The transition from Year 6 to the Senior School was tough. Change was something neither of us

were particularly used to, and I found that we spent more and more time apart. We only saw

each other briefly before I was forced downstairs to eat my oversized pretzel. Nonetheless, our

relationship held strong, all the way through the middle years, through the challenges (or lack of)

in Year 10, and into the penultimate year of my schooling.

Year 11 held a lot of stress for the both of us. As my workload increased, so did the number of

books I took home, and consequently the weight of my school bag. I wept gravely when I saw a

large split down the side of the blue casing, brought upon by an accumulative 826 pages of

Chemistry, Maths and Design books. The damage was irreparable, and I felt like this would be

the end to what was nearing 12 years of friendship. On the night of the incident, my mother had

a significant conversation with me about whether it was time to move on. The truth was, I just

didn’t know.

I decided to see how long we could last, if it was worth continuing our relationship, or if the time

had come to part ways. I finally, after many restless nights, decided that it was not worth the

huge emotional strain. I made my best effort to prevent further damage, but as I progressed into

the malevolent beast which is Year 12, I found that the crevice was enlarging, and the possibility

that we would not make it to the end looming in my mind.

It was in the October holidays that I had an epiphany. Despite the incredible journey that we had

been on, it didn’t matter whether my faithful blue and purple companion survived or not. What

mattered was what we had, and what we will forever have—a bond that exists only between the

closest of friends, forever in my heart.

And you know, as much as I will cherish the human relationships I’ve formed at this school, I

doubt I would get my chocolate cake back if I let them hold it all day.

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By The Guy Who Hates Everything (guys it’s Nick Munday – surprise)

Well, the end of the year is nigh, another school year has almost past, and if you’re like me and are

about to complete Year 12, you will be both anticipating the end of thirteen years of schooling, while

also mildly soiling yourself over the terrifying prospect that your independent adult life awaits. But

as everything draws to an end, so must this slightly insensitive, satirical column in the student

magazine. So, as a sort of ‘last hurrah’, I have decided that rather than follow my usual formula of

being incredibly cynical over one single societal system that particularly irks me, I will instead

bombard you all with a short list of every hypothesis, analytical observation, or slightly jaded

thought I’ve had over the course of the year that I haven’t been bothered to make an essay out of.

Enjoy!

Does alcohol actually taste any good? – A question that was posed to me by a younger cousin

recently. Evidently, I’m not the best person to ask about drinking (like, really, not the best person to

ask), but I attempted to give as helpful a response as possible: no. Most alcoholic drinks are

tolerable, and many are frankly disgusting. I can’t help but think that alcoholic beverages would

taste a whole lot better if the alcohol was absent; let’s just face it, it isn’t the taste that keeps you

drinking them, no matter how much hardcore wine drinkers will tell you it is a factor... they’re clearly

lying; to quote Bernard Black, ‘nobody is prepared to admit that wine actually doesn’t have a taste.’

No, what keeps the whole world drinking alcohol – a fact we all know – are its inevitable chemical

trade-offs.

The Bachelor and the Slow Death of Human Culture – Normally my angst for reality television is

fuelled against shows such as The X Factor or Beauty and the Geek (and not just because I have been

told I could appear on either of them), but there is one show that stands out as truly awful: The

Bachelor. Really, I could write a whole essay on how much I hate this show and why it signals the

slow degeneration of man – like a forgotten member of Revelations’ Four Horsemen – but instead,

my evidence rests on this: whenever people wonder how Tony Abbott became Prime Minister, I

think we must remember that the Australian voting population consists of at least 1.374 million

people who watch The Bachelor, and we have your answer.

Please, please, please... stop singing Frozen – Once every few years, a song comes out that

absolutely everyone thinks they can sing; I Will Always Love You, The Heart Must Go On, Defying

Gravity. This year was no exception, with Let It Go from Frozen. It was enjoyable the first time,

interesting up to about the tenth time, and completely unbearable every time after that. Then take

into account that every teenage girl on the planet started singing it (even the ones who really can’t

sing... bless them) and you have nightmare inducing stuff there, pasted all over the internet, at

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charity talent shows, and at music theatre workshops; you can never escape it. Seriously, if I have to

hear one more out of tune ‘let the storm rage on!’ I think I might just about lose the plot... just a

friendly warning for all you aspiring young singers...

Beautiful Soul – I’ll try and keep this short, here is a list of better love songs than Beautiful Soul,

please, please go home and look these up (please): Can’t Take My Eyes off You (Frankie Valli),

Nessun Dorma (Puccini), Maria (West Side Story), Once Upon a Time (Charles Strouse – sung by Frank

Sinatra), Your Song (Elton John), How Deep Is the Ocean? (Irving Berlin), God Only Knows (The Beach

Boys), Unchained Melody (Alex North – recorded by The Righteous Brothers), Some Enchanted

Evening (South Pacific), The Moonlight Sonata (Beethoven, although this is a piece not a song, but

who really cares?), and really, any other song you can think of (except One Direction songs... actually

in hindsight that’s an overstatement, maybe just keep to the list).

Are men to blame? – I remember once hearing a speech which proclaimed that men were solely to

blame for female body image problems; for the boom in an obsession with make-up, clothes, shoes,

dieting schemes, and cosmetic surgery. While I can’t deny we’re a factor, I think saying we are

wholly to blame is a gross misrepresentation of what is actually happening. Really it’s not men telling

women to buy all this ridiculous stuff – you don’t see men appearing in beauty commercials – no, it’s

women telling women; Miranda Kerr, Kate Moss, even Emma Watson; they have portrayed an image

of beauty that damages far more than it empowers. I’m sorry to say it, but the greatest inhibitors to

the freedom and independence of women, are other women... and Gok Wan.

Too Late for Climate Action – Here’s a cheery note to end on; it is now nearly 2015, a good thirty

years since the first indisputable data on human-driven climate change became available. You would

think that with thirty years of scientists telling the world that by 2050 the Netherlands will be

underwater, polar bears will be extinct, and that the Great Barrier Reef won’t be quite as ‘great’, we,

the human race, might have done something – anything – to offset this catastrophe. And yet, here

we are, still burning coal, still drilling for oil, and still not doing anything other than staging

intentionally biased arguments over whether or not climate change is “a thing”, saying things such as

“this whole issue is still very much up for debate.” No, it’s really not. Considering the fact that it

takes almost fifty years for current carbon dioxide emissions to be felt – meaning that the

unprecedented scale of our collective carbon output won’t be felt until 2064 – it’s fair to say I’ve

pretty much lost hope. We have put the earth’s climate on a downhill spiral it cannot escape from,

and it only gets worse from here, so really what even is the point? Right now, it looks like the best

climate action we can take would be to just sit back – a beer in hand – and watch as the planet turns

to excrement, while we drink away the slow realisation that “it looks like all those qualified scientists

were right all along. Who’d have thought it?” All I can say now is, well done humanity, well done...

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15

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1. What has your greatest achievement at the College been?

2. What has been your favourite memory?

3. How would you like the staff and students of the College to remember you?

4. As our senior year comes to an end how do you feel about graduating?

5. What are your plans for the future?

6. Advice to future year 12s?

Laura Wiechula

1. Probably creating the relationships I have with peers and teachers over the last few years.

2. It's really hard to narrow it down to just one memory, there has been so many good times

during my time at the college.

3. I just want them to remember me from my good moments at the school.

4. Completely terrified, but excited all at the same time. I'll definitely miss seeing my friends

every day.

5. No idea! I plan on going to uni and figuring out what I want to do with my life there.

6. Besides staying on top of your work and being organised, I'd say to make sure that you

make the most out of every aspect of the year and make some good memories.

Brandon Alvaro

1. Making my mum proud.

2. When I won the 4x100 relay for Campion and everyone was cheering 'Jonno', which is

my nickname.

3. A hybrid of Sam Pears, Nick Munday, Jesse richter, Matt Jaksa, and Lam Nguyen. Sam

for the intellect, Nick for the singing, Richter for his German descent, Jaksa for his height

and Lam for his rock hard abs.

4. I feel bad... For the college, losing such a great student like myself. I will always be here

in the walls of the college though so don't feel too bad.

5. Step 1: Finish school. Step 2: Play games and hang with friends. Step 3: ???. Step 4:

Profit.

6. You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things then wonders why his life

sucks? Well, that was me. Every time something good happened to me something bad

was always waiting around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized I had to change.

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So I made a list of all the bad things I've done and, one by one, I'm going to make up for

all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person; my name is Brandon.

Georgia McDonnell

1. My greatest achievement at the College has been the awesome lifelong friendships I have

made. I love all my friends to death and know that we will be together for a long time.

But, in all seriousness, I've never gotten a penal, even with Mr Colbert in Year 9.

2. In Year 9, Ella and I left a mandarin in a locker just to see how much mould it could

grow. Finding that it grew its own ecosystem after 4 months and successfully squashing it

on a ruler and hurling it at disgusted people until it was in too many bits to pick up was

pretty good.

3. I would love to be remembered as that school captain that got 99.95 and was the

funniest, kindest and most attractive chick out, but I'm not school captain so that can't

happen. I would just like them to remember me as honest, not for doing anything bad,

but just for being me (cliché I know).

4. I'm feeling good about leaving; I'm excited for something new. Meeting new people,

learning new things, and having new experiences will be mad real. But, don't get me

wrong, I'm kinda scared out of my mind.

5. I plan to sleep, exercise, try and recall who I am as a person, earn less and sell my soul to

the work force. But really I want to possibly get into uni and study something I love and

be happy - sounds very John Lennon, but it's true.

6. My advice to future Year 12s is to get the due dates for EVERY assignment at the

beginning of the year and find out final SACE due dates early. Go out on the weekends

and soak up the 18ths and do your work on Saturdays - Sundays are useless. And for

goodness sake bring your laptop charger to school; Lenny is dying and will not last ‘til

the end of third lesson. If it tells you it has 50% battery you better run, cos’ you've got 2

minutes left.

Tessa Liberali

1. Either going to America on the USA Music Tour or getting through Year 12!

2. There's been so many great memories, it’s hard to pick just one! A favourite was probably

in Year 8 when Olivia showed a teacher a picture of a 'smiley face' someone had drawn

on her cheek.

3. Cheerful, positive and attentive.

4. I'm excited to graduate and have a three month or so holiday! But I'll probably miss

school eventually.

5. Go to uni to do either commerce or high school teaching. Eventually I'd like to travel,

and 'll see where all that takes me!

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6. My advice would be not to stress too much, keep on top of your work and just to keep a

maintainable balance of school and social activities. Good luck to you all!

James Rawley

1. Coming 3rd in a 100m sprint at the Athletics Carnival in Year 11.

2. Skipping R.E. to play free-form jazz.

3. The guy with the white patch on the back of his head.

4. I can't wait to have nothing to do all day for four months.

5. Be a musician whilst trying to avoid being penniless and in a ditch.

6. Procrastinate for weeks until you're forced to do the assignment in a single night. The

pressure will produce stellar results.

Sam Pears

1. Establishing STIGIT, the first IT based co-curricular offered by the school. And still

finding time to handle my leadership responsibilities as Captain of the College.

2. It would have to be back in Mrs Allen’s reception class, when I put on a bit of a show for

Rosette Zerella…

3. I’d like the staff to view me as a hard-working and diligent student, who always follows

the College’s guidelines… I’d like the students to share none of these same views.

4. 7 years of Junior School, 6 years of Senior School and thousands of dollars of education

have taught me one thing… I don’t know jack.

5. By the age of 40, I hope to have settled down with my beautiful wife of 15 years. I hope

to have 3 kids of different ages; Tim, Mary and Jane. Ten years from now Tim will be

twice as old as Jane was when Mary was nine times as old as Tim. Eight years ago, Mary

was half as old as Jane will be when Jane is one year older than Tim will be at the time

when Mary will be five times as old as Tim will be two years from now. When Tim was

one year old, Mary was three years older than Tim will be when Jane is three times as

old as Mary was six years before the time when Jane was half as old as Tim will be when

Mary will be ten years older than Mary was when Jane was one-third as old as Tim will

be when Mary will be three times as old as she was when Jane was born. How old is

Tim?

6. Make sure you get into Mr Dodson’s Research Project Class; he is a top quality teacher

and his classes are truly the light of my life.6

6 This response may or may not have been edited due to censorship issues

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By Georgia McDonnell

Uh Huh Honey

Everyone knows that yeah 12 is a year of lasts, last first day, reflection day, Sports day, Patronal

Mass, Speech day and last day of School (notice how I didn’t mention Swimming carnival). But

there are some things that have become so ordinary that we don’t think that they may be our last.

Here is a list of things that, soon, you will never have again.

1. You will never again have to have a panic attack if you forgot your sports gear.

2. You will never again wait in the car for a ridiculous amount of time waiting to see

another kid to confirm it is a casual day.

3. You will never again have to own up to your parents about that note that is becoming

compost at the bottom of your bag.

4. Never again will you have to get your parents to sign a form allowing you to watch

‘Mean Girls’

5. Never again will you have to run around the class room after printing of an assignment

trying to find someone with a stapler, to realise you will have to go the library, and the

just folding over the top corner because the library is too far way.

6. Never again will you have to go through your locker trying to find a book that isn’t a

dictionary or your diary to read in silent Reading.

7. Never again will you come for a day of school lessons on a Friday

8. Never again will you be told to tuck in your shirt, pull up your socks, do up your top

button, get a haircut, do up your shoe laces, take the hem down on your dress and get to

class on time while running and holding two arms full of books.

9. Never again will you be told you can’t go to the toilet

10. Never again will you be asked “What high school do you go to?”

11. Never again will you have to say “I swear I sent it to you. Did you not get it?” or “ I did

it I just left it at home”

12. Never again will you spend half an hour trying to connect to Citrix.

13. And never again will you have your mother scream in your ear “Hurry up or you are

going to be late for school!”

Though there are a lot of things that are ending this year there are so many more things that will

be beginning. When one door closes another one opens, when one day ends another begins and

when path of education ends another will inevitably begin. Whether that is Uni, the work force a

gap year of simply just some deeper thinking there are always going to be more firsts than lasts

and I’m sure we will all have plenty more firsts to share together. Peace out me lovelies!

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By Daniel Harding

It’s Year 12. The big one. In hindsight, the only one that really matters. You’ve probably heard

the myths surrounding this mysterious year, maybe from an older brother or sister who

remembers the glory days of Father Jack McClain and his friend Eddy. I’ve done some field

research into these myths in order to clear the fog surrounding this mystical year…

Myth #1: The Year 12 kitchen is haunted

When you think of a haunted house what do you think of?

Axe murderers, right?

And what does an axe murderer and the sandwich toaster have in common?

They both kill things if you forget about them. Many a beautiful sandwich has been slaughtered

by the wrath of the sandwich press and, due to its unassuming nature of being an electrical

appliance, people tend to forget its deadly nature. It also has a twin killer: the microwave. This

bad boy looks all innocent until you realise how incredibly complex it is to cook something in it.

The saying goes: “You will never face a more challenging task than trying to work out how the

shower works in a friend’s house.” This holds true for microwaves also. It’s a bit like playing

Russian roulette when you chuck your food in it; ice cold or hotter than Jennifer Lawrence, it’s a

gamble you have to take.

I personally hope the kitchen is indeed haunted. Hopefully the lost souls of sandwiches and

leftovers continue to forever haunt the minds of those who cut in line, no matter what pathetic

excuse they may have for doing so.

Result: PLAUSIBLE

Myth #2: Red bull is a naturally occurring drink which can be used as a substitute for sleep

If you have a brother or sister who has finished this year level there is a higher chance than Will

Duncan stealing his next article off Reddit that you’ve seen them pull an all-nighter. You may

have realised this due to the light shining through their door at 3AM, or maybe due to the pile of

Red Bull cans you find in the bin the next morning. Right now you may be saying “of course, I’ll

never resort to that!” Your thoughts and feelings may change when you realise you have

approximately 15 billion folios due the next day… oh, as well as two tests and your entire

Research Project that you haven’t started. At that point, and at that point only, may you resort to

energy drinks in an effort to do the final push and finish all those assignments. You just needed

to resort to them just this one time, right?

Until you get to the next term and do the exact same thing again. And again.

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Result: PLAUSIBLE

Myth #3: It is incredibly easy to have a good work ethic and to start assignments as soon as

you get them.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Myth #4: Homework is compulsory

I would like to reuse the same picture as above for this one but the joke just isn’t as funny. Let’s

get real here, unless your teacher delivers some sort of death threat with the homework, it is

optional. If your teacher says “This is the final straw!”, you generally have 3-4 more straws left

before something actually happens.

Note: If the homework is summative, do it. If the teacher is older than 35 but younger than pre-

historic, do it. If the homework is due the next day, don’t do it; that’s what morning bus rides are

for.

Remember kids, Attainment over Application!

Myth #5: Starting a new TV show in the middle of Year 12 is a good idea.

Is it a good idea?

Nope.

Will it happen anyway?

You bet it will.

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By Emily Peacock

I think the most commonly asked question of any Year 12 (and the most hated) is ‘so, what are

you planning on doing next year?’ Like many, I have done a backflip multiple times throughout

this year as I have contemplated taking a gap year and travelling, volunteering overseas or going

to uni. So, for any seniors who are still undecided, or any other year levels who are daydreaming

about the not-too-distant future where you will be entering your last week of schooling, I’ll offer

you some wise words about what possibilities there are beyond the Bellarmine building.

Taking a gap year (travel)

This is probably the toughest one and it really depends

on who you are and what you are looking for. Spain,

Greece, Berlin, Costa Rica, Thailand, America, Italy,

Bora Bora, Rio de Janeiro – the list of places that I am

desperate to travel to is endless!!! Not only does

travelling allow you to see completely different cultures

and ways of life, it offers you the opportunity to meet

new people and potentially learn more about yourself

and what you are interested in. Many of the Year 12’s

would have heard me rambling on about going on a

CONTIKI to Europe in 2016 – seriously, the most

exciting thing ever and open invitation to anyone who wants to come! There are so many great

organisations which allow you to travel as part of a group, with all your food, accommodation

and transfers covered in the package. Seeing the world without having to organise it – big tick

from me! Only downside to travelling the world is the $$$ (especially if you are like me and have

spent your entire savings from the last 4 years on Lorna Jane). So, my wise words of advice on

this one: look around! Do some research, save big time and be good to your teachers, because

they will be your referees on your resume when you are applying for work to save for this

massive trip.

Going straight to university/TAFE

Okay, straight from school to uni or other tertiary

education. I can see the logic here, you have been

in the swing of study for 13 years you might as

well keep going, and otherwise you might never

go back… The 3 month gap between graduating at

Iggies and beginning uni is massive, particularly if

you are keen to get out of little old Adelaide for a

bit. The other advantage of starting university is

that you simply will be starting university – that

means you will be finished quicker right? Maybe.

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Going to the uni open days really helped opened my eyes as to how many opportunities are

available outside of simply completing your course and watching all the lectures online. With so

many different student groups, events, pub-crawls and gyms (my fave), university is a whole

different world to Ignatius and I’m pretty keen to get out there and experience something totally

different.

Also ,while it’s not as relevant, it’s important

to know that through university you can do

exchanges for 6 months or a year to another

country – travel while still getting course

credit!

Doing something for someone else.

Not really a category but I think it’s

important to mention. This is a really big one

for me especially as I leave Saint Ignatius

where there is such a social justice focus. I’m

talking more to the class of 2014 here when I set all of us a challenge: let’s not forget the words of

Mr Coffey when he reminds us that as Ignatians we are men and women for others. Let’s not

forget the joy that we had on an immersion experience or on Caroline Chisholm where we gave

up our time for the service of others; instead, let’s embrace our ability as Ignatian graduates to

really make a difference in the world. You don’t need to go teach in a disadvantaged school in

Cambodia (although that would be awesome) to make a difference, opportunities to be

something for someone else are given to us every day – even if it is simply offering a smile or

helping an old person with their shopping (a little cliché I know…)

As we depart Ignatius, Class of 2014, let’s leave our thumbprint on the world.

That’s where we go from here.

Cannonball is only possible due to the

incredible people who are willing to give up their time and talent to write for us, and the great thing is, anyone can write for us!

If you’re interested in contributing, stay tuned to the daily

notices for updates on goings-on in the Cannonball world.

Contributions of any kind are welcome from all students Years

10-12 (just try to keep it G-rated)!

Email cannonball@ignatius.sa.edu.au with any questions or

queries

The Cannonball Team

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A year 11 perspective on graduation by Christina Gavriliouk

Even writing this article I feel like I’m attempting to fill shoes far too large for me, because I’m

not a Year 12 and, quite frankly, I don’t know what to say. I suppose that now, with the actual

Year 12s facing their final days, the Year 11 cohort and I can sense the looming future about to

hit us.

Seriously the pinnacle of 13 years of schooling: tests, exams, assignments, essays, all-nighters,

deadlines and all those other stresses and pressures, balled together into one make-or-break year.

Perhaps some Year 11s have this doom and gloom perspective (I am looking at you, Chrishan),

and perhaps some year 12s can confirm their fears, but I’d like to take a pleasant and mellow

kind of outlook. I want to think about the friendships and excitement, about the new horizons

and about the new powers and freedoms I’m will inherit as a senior. Maybe I’m being ignorantly

idealistic, but forgive me in that I don’t want to leave my Year 11, young’un innocence behind.

But, in saying that, you can hardly call me an optimist, I’m not questioning the perils I’m sure to

face.

As hard as I try, I’ve always thought school was more about learning social dynamics and

human understandings than it is about achieving a grade. I’m talking about the whole making

friends and developing values fandango. Year 12s are the height of that, everything seemingly

comes together before it all ends. Gosh, that sounded dire; apologies. Maybe what I’m trying to

say is that the Year 12s will always seem way cooler, way more together than the rest of the

school… or maybe it’s just that everyone seems far more proper and happening than my year

level. I’m not saying we are a disappointment or anything like that - heavens no - more saying

that no one really knows what they are doing on the whole existence spectrum. Even then, that’s

something reflected over all year levels, or maybe even over all ages. Life doesn’t happen unless

we make it happen - we will live a lot in Year 12. I’m almost sounding like some kind of

existential preacher/hipster, I’ll cease.

Overall, I am looking forward to Year 12; I think the ‘growing up and living’ thing is

appropriately due to occur.

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The final instalment from Will Duncan

A man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a

big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the

bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender

says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with

the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which

the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."

The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my

mind a million times. Basically, it's like this… I was walking along the beach one day,

when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass

lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie

pops out!”

"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year

imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my

gratitude.'”

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said,

'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'”

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers

and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and

the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!

"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most

beautiful woman in the world.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this

gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and

the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know,

this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.”

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Seeya next year…

NAHT