“Dutch and UK news oddities from both sides of our codless pond”

OCT ISSUE 2013

CADS REPORTNon compos mentis

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK and the Netherlands from anonymous news sources.

Earth? Shut down??

For three weeks???

I know now why you cry.

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Oddly Enough Global News

Hillary Clinton's UFO gets a parking fine while she knits a scarf at the law of urination talk.

London-- Not the CIA, FBI, MI5, MI6, her security staff or member of CADS could stop the Westminster Council traffic marshal putting the £80 fine on Mrs Clinton’s silver Mercedes. "We have to be unfair to everyone." said the Westminster council.

Hillary Clinton's Mercedes gets London parking fine.

Mouderslot-- Literally faster than the eye could follow, this unusual object was accidentally photographed above the landmark Muiderslot Castle in the Netherlands this week. Quite why aliens chose this location to make contact with CADS members in not known at this time.

UFO With S-Shaped Fin Photographed Over Mouderslot Castle

KANSAS CITY— A University of Central Missouri graphic design professor has knitted his way into the record books while running the Kansas City Marathon. The Kansas City Star reports that David Babcock finished the marathon in 5 hours, 48 minutes and 27 seconds. Knitting experts measured the scarf he created along the route at just more than 12 feet long.

A new world record has been set for knitting a scarf while running a marathon.

KANSAS CITY— DNA tests on hair samples carried out by Oxford University genetics professor Bryan Sykes found that the pubic hairs found in the oval library matched those from an ancient mythical yeti. For safety reasons the whole government was closed down for three weeks.

Himalayan yetis close down US government.

ATLANTA— mammals big and small empty their bladders at about the same speed. Experts at the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta have clocked the pee-time of rats, dogs, elephants, goats and CADS members, and come up with a "law of urination"—that each animal takes about 21 seconds to go to the bathroom.

Scientists Come Up With 'Law of Urination'.

Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood

Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested

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“The Great British ‘Red, White and Blue’ Charity Ball 2013.” 

You are cordially invited to attend the black tie event of the year. The fabulous, sumptuous, Michelin-starred: 

Great British Charity Ball Starring You. In Red, White and Blue. As our theme suggests, show your patriotic side and add a hint of Red, White or Blue to our black tie dress code. 

How our glorious evening will unfold...★ Red carpet cocktail reception.

★ Sumptuous ‘Great British Dinner’ prepared by Michelin-starred chef Christopher Naylor (drinks included).  

★ Fabulous live entertainment.

★ Silent charity auction and raffle.

★ Charities include the Red Cross and Cliniclowns.

★ Dance the night away with our resident Brit Pop DJ.

Tickets are amazing, extraordinary value at: €105 for CADS members and guests. Payments accepted through iDeal, Paypal and Direct Transfer. Online Tickets on sale now at:

www.britsocshop.nl. A menu form will be sent to ticket holders nearer the event.  

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Corner Oct Issue 2013 WATERSMIKE

Dear Fellow CADS,Last month’s lunch saw us entertaining not one but two speakers. First; as and with our appetiser, BBC and ESU Award winner Frederike Brockhoven gave us a highly entertaining, passionate, professional and articulate argument for how innovation happens, and how it is only later judged to be good or bad – going on to explore several important and topical issues. And following an excellent lunch, Tim Cooke updated us with his work on micro-finance in Kenya and Uganda, particularly that part associated with Kibera.

Allan Poot showed us the CADs golf trophy of which he will be the custodian for the next year, and we discussed the forthcoming outing to the Peace Palace, and the initial feedback from the recent quenstion-naire. The Peace Palace outing is on Friday Novem-ber 15th, inncluding a tour of the Palace and the ICJ, and lunch in their Refectory. It starts at 1100 outside the Palace, and finishes at 1400. Reservation by email to me, please

Three other dates for your diary.

On Saturday November 9th, CADS will lay a wreath at the Remembrance Service in the Nieuwe Oosterbegraafplaats. Do come along for the ceremony at 1030hrs. On Friday November 29th, the lunch at The Apollo starts early, with a reception at 1200hrs for the new British Ambassador Geoffrey Adams. And then on Saturday December 7th, CADS will join BritSoc in hosting the Xmas Ball at the Olof Chapel in the Barbizon Palace. Tickets are 105 Euros per head including dinner, drinks, and dancing until 1am. Extraordinary value for a meal prepared by a Michelin-starred chef in a 5* hotel, and a great way to prepare for the Jokathon the following Friday!

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At the October lunch on Friday, Mike Carn will be present with poppies for the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal, and we will have a couple of WWII veterans present to help us youngsters remember what it was all about, and how the work goes on supporting modern veterans. Pieter Blickman will receive our cheque in memory of Sue Bennion, and tell us about ‘A Dog Named Sue’ (with apologies to Johnny Cash). Our speaker will be the former Artis director and radio personality Maarten Frankenhuis, who is giving a tribute speech to his friend Gerard Metzelaar, our founder who passed away earlier this year.