Các Mẩu Chuyện Tiếng Anh

8/20/2019 Các Mẩu Chuyện Tiếng Anh

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Unit 1.

Jack was a young sailor. He lived in England, but he was often away with his ship.

One summer he came back from a long voyage and found new neighbours near his mother's house. They had a

pretty daughter, and Jack soon loved her very much.

He said to her, "My next voyage will begin in a few day's time, Gloria. I love you, and I'll marry you when I

come back. I'll think about you all the time, and I'll write to you and send you a present from every port".

Jack's first port was Freetown in Africa, and he sent Gloria a parrot from there. It spoke five languages.

When Jack's ship reached Australia, there was a letter from Gloria. It said: "Thank you for the parrot, Jack. It

tasted much better than a chicken".

Unit 2.Fanny and Ethel worked in the same office, and they were neighbours at home. Fanny was rather a careless

girl, and she often lost things. Then she usually went to Ethel to borrow more from her.

Ethel was a kind girl, but she sometimes got tired of lending things to her friend.

One Saturday afternoon Fanny knocked at Ethel's front door, and when Ethel came to open it, Fanny said to

her, "Oh, hello, Ethel. Please lend me a bag. I've lost my mine. I'm going to the shops, and I fell very stupid

when I haven't got anything in my hand when I go to the street".

Ethel laughed and answered: "Well, Fanny, go down to the end of the garden. You'll find a nice wheelbarrow

in the shed there. Take when you go down to the shops. Then you'll have something in both of your hands".

Unit 3.

Dave married, and when his new wife saw the clothes in his cupboard, she said, "Dave, you have only got one

good shirt. The others are very old, and they've got holes in them. I'm going to buy you a new one this

afternoon".

Dave liked his shirts, but he loved his wife too, so he said, "All right, Beryl, but please don't throw any of the

old ones away".

Dave went to work, and when he came back in the evening, Beryl said to him, "Look, Dave, I've bought you a

nice shirt. Here it is. Put it on".

Dave put the shirt on, and then he said, "Look at the sleeves, Beryl. They're too long".

"That's all right," Beryl answered. "They'll get shorter when I wash the shirt".

Then Dave said, "But the neck's too small".

"That's all right," Beryl answered. "It'll get bigger when you wear the shirt, Dave".

Unit 4.Mrs. Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour. Her name was Mrs.

Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

"Do you know," she said to Mrs. Williams one day. "I've got a new dishwasher. It washes the plates and

glasses and knives and forks beautifully".

"Oh" Mrs. Williams answered, "And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard too?"

Mrs. Briggs was surprised, "Well" she answered, "The things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it

doesn't put them away of course".

"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs. Williams said.

"Oh" Mrs. Briggs answered. "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?" She

laughed nastily.

"Yes, he does," Mrs. Williams answered, "He dries the dishes and puts them away".

Unit 5.

One day a man went to see his doctor and said to him, "I've swallowed a horse, Doctor, and I feel very ill".

The doctor thought for a few seconds and then said, "All right, Mr. Lloyd, I'll help you. Please lie down on

this bed".

The doctor's nurse gave the man an injection, the man went to sleep, and the doctor went out quickly to look

for a horse in the town.

After half an hour he found one, borrowed it and took it into his office, so when Mr. Lloyd woke up, it was

there in front of him.

"Here's the horse, Mr. Lloyd," the doctor said. "I've taken it out of your stomach, and it won't give you any

more trouble now".

At first Mr. Lloyd was happy, but then he looked at the horse again and said, "But, Doctor, my horse was

white, and this one's brown!"


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Unit 6.

A history teacher was talking to his class about the ancient Romans.

"They were very strong, brave people, and they were good soldiers", he said. "They always wanted to have

strong bodies, so they played a lot of games".

"Did they like swimming?" one of the girls asked. "That makes people's bodies strong". She was very good at

swimming.

"Oh, yes, some of them swam a lot", the teacher answered. Then he told them a story about one famous

Roman.

"There was a big, wide river in the middle of Rome", he said. "It was the Tiber, and this man swam across it

three times every day before breakfast".The girl laughed when she heard this.

"Why are you laughing?" The teacher asked her angrily. "Have I said anything funny?"

"Well, sir," the girl answered. "Why didn't he swim across the river four times, to get back to his clothes

again?"

Unit 7.

Betty Brown was five years old, and her mother wanted her to begin going to school, because she wanted to

start working in an office again.

A month before the beginning of the school year Mrs. Brown began telling Betty about school. "It's very nice,

"she said. "You'll play games and paint pictures and sing songs".

Mrs. Brown began doing these things with Betty. Betty liked the games and the painting and the singing very

much, but she always wanted to be near mother, so Mrs. Brown was rather afraid and thought, "What will she

do when I leave her at school?"

But on the first day at school Betty was very good. She did not cry, and she was happy.

On the second morning Mrs. Brown said, "Put your clothes on, Betty. I'm going to take you to school in half

an hour's time".

"School?" Betty said. "But I've been to school!"

Unit 8.

One morning Mrs. Perry said to her husband, "Jack, there's a meeting of our ladies' club at Mrs. Young's house

at lunch time today, and I want to go to it. I'll leave you some food for your lunch. Is that all right?"

"Oh, yes", her husband answered, "That's quite all right. What are you going to leave for my lunch?"

"This tin of fish," Mrs. Perry said. "And there are some cold, boiled potatoes and some beans here, too"."Good," Mr. Perry answered. "I have a good lunch".

So Mrs. Perry went to her meeting. All the ladies had lunch at Mrs. Young's house, and at three o'clock Mrs.

Perry came home.

"Was you fish nice, Jack?" she asked.

"Yes, but my feet are hurting," he answered.

"Why are you hurting?" Mrs. Perry asked.

"Well, the words on the tin were, "Open tin and stand in hot water for five minutes".

Unit 9.

Miss Green was very fat. She weighed 100 kilos, and she was getting heavier every month, so she went to see

her doctor.

He said, "You need a diet, Miss Green, and I've got a good one here". He gave her a small book and said,"Read this carefully and eat the things on page 11 every day. Then come back and see me in two weeks' time".

Miss Green came again two weeks later, but she wasn't thinner: she was fatter. The doctor was surprised and

said, "Are you eating the things on page 11 of the small book?"

"Yes, Doctor," she answered. The next day the doctor visited Miss Green during her dinner. She was very

surprised to see him.

"Miss Green," he said, "Why are you eating potatoes and bread? They aren't in your diet".

"But, doctor," Miss Green answered, "I ate my diet at lunch time. This is my dinner".

Unit 10.

Rose left school when she was seventeen years old and went to a college for a year to learn to type. She passed

her examinations quite well and then went to look for work. She was still living with her parents.


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A lot of people were looking for typists at that time, so it was not difficult to find interesting work. Rose went

to several offices, and then chose one of them. It was near her parents' house. She thought, "I'll walk there

every morning. I won't need to go by bus".

She went to the office again and said to the manager, "I want to work here, but what will you pay me?"

"We'll pay you 27 pounds now" the manager answered, "and 30 pounds after three months".

Rose thought for a few seconds before she answered. Then she said, "All right, then I'll start in three months'

time".

Unit 11.

Mr. Day was a teacher at a school in a big city in the north of England. He usually went to France or Germany

for a few weeks during his summer holidays, and he spoke French and German quite well.But one year Mr. Day said to one of his friends, "I'm going to have a holiday in Athens. But I don't speak

Greek, so I'll go to evening classes and have Greek lessons for a month before I go".

He studied very hard for a month, and then his holidays began and he went to Greece".

When he came back a few weeks after, his friend said to him, "Did you have any trouble with your Greek

when you were in Athens, Day?"

"No, I didn't have any trouble with it", answered Mr. Day, "But the Greeks did!"

Unit 12.

Mr. Pearce liked shooting ducks very much. Whenever he had a free day, he went out shooting with his

friends.

But one summer he said to himself, "I've never been to the mountains. My holidays are going to begin soon,

so I'm going to go to the mountains and shoot deer. They're more interesting than ducks, I think".

So when his holidays began, Mr. Pearce went to the station, bought his ticket and was soon in the mountains.

He got out at a small station and walked through fields and forests for a few kilometres. Then he saw a farmer

in a field.

"Good morning", Mr. Pearce said to him. "Are there any deer here?"

"Well", answered the farmer slowly, there was one last year, but all the gentlemen from the town came and

shoot at it, and it's gone somewhere else now, I think".

Unit 13.

Mr. Leonard was twenty-three years old and not very rich. He was not married and he lived in two rooms in a

small house in a city.Every summer, Mr. Leonard went down to the sea for a holiday. He stayed in small cheap hotels, but he

always wanted to have a clean, tidy room. He hated dirty places.

One summer a friend of him said, "Go to the Tower Hotel in Whitesea. I went there last year, and it was very

nice and clean".

So Mr. Leonard went to the Tower Hotel in Whitesea. But there was a different manager that year.

The new manager took Mr. Leonard to his room. The room looked quite nice and clean, but Mr. Leonard said

to the manager, "Are the sheets on the bed clean?"

"Yes, of course they are!" he answered angrily. "We washed them this morning. Feel them. They're still

damp".

Unit 14.

Two years after Tom and Elizabeth married, they went to live in a small flat in a big city. They were bothquite young: Tom was twenty-six and Elizabeth was twenty-two. Tom worked in a bank, and Elizabeth

worked in a big office.

Elizabeth always cooked the dinner when they got home, and when they had meat, Tom always cut it up when

they sat down to eat.

While Tom was cutting the meat up one evening, Elizabeth said to him, "When we were first married, Tom,

you always gave me the bigger piece of meat when you cut it, and you kept the smaller one for yourself. Now

you do the opposite: you give me the smaller piece and keep the bigger one for yourself. Why do you do

that? Don't you love me any more?"

Her husband laughed and answered, "Oh, no, Elizabeth. It isn't that! It's because you've learned to cook now!"

Unit 15.

Mrs. Jenkins went to see her doctor one day, because her heart was giving her trouble.


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The doctor listened to her heart carefully and did a few other things. Then he said, "Well, Mrs. Jenkins, stop

smoking, and then you'll soon all be quite right again".

"But Doctor," answered Mrs. Jenkins quickly, "I've never smoked. I don't like smoking".

"Oh, well," said the doctor, "then don't drink any more alcohol".

"But I don't drink alcohol", answered Mrs. Jenkins at once.

"Stop drinking tea and coffee then", the doctor said to her.

"I only drink water," answered Mrs. Jenkins. "I don't like tea or coffee".

The doctor thought for a few seconds and then said, "Well... er... do you like fried potatoes?"

"Yes, I like them very much," answered Mrs. Jenkins.

"All right, then stop eating those", said the doctor as he got out to say goodbye to Mrs. Jenkins.

Unit 16.

John liked chocolates very much, but his mother never gave him any, because they were bad for his teeth, she

thought. But John had a very nice grandfather. The old man loved his grandson very much, and sometimes he

brought John chocolates when he came to visit him. Then his mother, let him eat them, because she wanted to

make the old man happy.

One evening, a few days before John's seventh birthday, he was saying his prayers in his bedroom before he

went to bed. "Please, God", he shouted, "make them give me a big box of chocolates for my birthday one

Saturday".

His mother was in the kitchen, but she heard the small boy shouting and went into his bedroom quickly.

"Why are you shouting, John?" she asked her son. "God can hear you when you talk quietly".

"I know," answered the clever boy with a smile, "but Grandfather's in the next room, and he can't".

Unit 17.

It was Jimmy's birthday, and he was five years old. He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his

family, and one of them was a beautiful big drum.

"Who gave him that thing?" Jimmy's farther said when he saw it.

"His grandfather did," answered Jimmy's mother.

"Oh," said his father.

Of course, Jimmy liked his drum very much. He made a terrible noise with it, but his mother did not mind. His

father was working during the day, and Jimy was in bed when he got home in the evening, so he did not hear

the noise.

But one of the neighbours did not like the noise at all, so one morning a few day later, she took a sharp knife

and went to Jimmy's house while he was hitting his drum. She said to him, "Hullo, Jimmy. Do you know,there's something very nice inside your drum. Here's a knife. Open the drum and let's find it".

Unit 18.

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's

clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.

Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.

One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's

clothes very carefully.

Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is " answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too, isn't it?" his father continued.

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom."And you're wearing my belt!" Said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

Unit 19.

Mr. Yates was nearly ninety, so it was often difficult for him to remember things, but he still liked travelling

very much, so he and his wife went to Spain every year. One summer when they were there, they went to visit

some friends. These people had two young daughters.

One afternoon Mr. Yates was talking to one of the girls in the garden after lunch. "You and your sister were ill

when my wife and I were here last year, weren't you?" He said to her.

"Yes, we were", answered the girl, "We were very ill".

The old man said nothing for a minute, because he was thinking. Then at last he said, "Oh, yes, I remember

now! One of you died. Which one of you was it, you or your sister?"


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"No, it isn't very nice, but it's very useful, Tom," answered his father. "It rains to make the fruit and the

vegetables grow for us, and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep".

Tom thought about this for a few seconds, and then he said, "Then, why does it rain on the road too, Father?"

Unit 25.

A man went into a bar, sat down, called the barman and said to him, "Give me a drink before the trouble

starts".

The barman was busy with other people, so he did not say anything, but he gave the man the drink, and the

man drank it quickly. Then he put his glass down, called the barman again and said to him, "Give me another

one before the trouble starts".

Again the barman was too busy to say anything, so he gave the man his drink and went away. The man drankthat too, and then again he called the barman and said to him, "One more drink before the trouble starts,

please".

This time the barman was not very busy, so when he brought the man his third drink, he said to him, "What

trouble are you talking about?"

The man answered, "I haven't got any money".

Unit 26.

A man and his wife had a small bar near a station. The bar often stayed open until after midnight, because

people came to drink there while they were waiting for trains.

At two o'clock one morning, one man was still sitting at a table in the small bar. He was asleep. The barman's

wife wanted to go to bed. She looked into the bar several times, and each time the man was still there. Then at

last she went to her husband and said to him, "You've woken that man six times now, George, but he isn't

drinking anything. Why haven't you sent him away? It's very late".

"Oh, No, I don't want to send him away," answered her husband with a smile. "You see, whenever I wake him

up, he asks for his bill, and when I bring it to him he pays it. Then he goes to sleep again".

Unit 27.

Two friends were camping together. Their names were Jim and Tim. Tim was very lazy. The first evening of

their holiday, Jim said to Tim, "Here's some money, Go and buy some meat".

"I'm too tired," answered Tim. "You go". So Jim went to buy the meat.

When he came back, he said to Tim, "Now, here's the meat. Please cook it. " But Tim answered, "No I'm not

good at cooking. You do it. " So Jim cooked the meat.

Then Jim said to Tim, "Cut the bread," but Tim answered, "I don't want to," so Jim cut the bread.Then he said to Tim, "Go and get some water, please".

"No, I don't want to get my clothes dirty," Tim answered, so Jim got the water.

At last Jim said, "The meal's ready. Come and eat it".

"Well, I'll do that," answered Tim. "I don't like saying "No" all the time".

Unit 28.

One morning a man was crossing a narrow bridge when he saw a fisherman on the shady bank of the deep,

smooth river under him, so he stopped to watch him quietly.

After a few minutes, the fisherman pulled his line in. There was a big, fat fish at the end of it.

The fisherman took it off the hook and threw it back into the water. Then he put his hook and line in

again. After a few more minutes he caught another big fish. Again he threw it back into the river. Then, the

third time, he caught a small fish. He put it into his basket and started to get ready to go. The man on the bridge was very surprised, so he spoke to the fisherman. He said, "Why did you throw those beautiful, big fish

back into the water, and keep only that small one?"

The fisherman looked up and answered, "Small frying pan".

Unit 29.

When the Americans were getting ready to send their first men to the moon, an old Irishman was watching

them on television in the bar of a hotel.

There was an Englishman in the bar too, and he said to the Irishman, "The Americans are very clever, aren't

they? They're going to send some men to the moon. It's a very long way from our world".

"Oh, that's nothing," the Irishman answered quickly. "The Irish are going to send some men to the sun in a few

months' time. That's much farther away than the moon, you know".


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The Englishman was very surprised when he heard this. "Oh, yes, it is," he said, "but the sun too hot for

people to go to".

The Irishman laughed and answered, "Well, the Irish aren't stupid, you know. We won't go to the sun during

the day, of course. We'll go there by during the night".

Unit 30.

Dave's class at school were studying English history, and one day their teacher said to them, "Well, boys, on

Friday we're all going to get on a bus and go to Conway. There's a beautiful castle there, and we're going to

visit it". The boys were very happy when they heard this.

"Now, has anybody got any questions?" the teacher asked

"How old is the castle, sir?" Dave asked "It's about seven hundred years old, Dave," The teacher answered.

"What's the name of the castle, sir?" another boy asked

"Conway Castle," the teacher said.

On Friday the boys came to school at 9 o'clock and got into the bus. They visited Conway Castle, and then

they came back and went home.

"Well, Dave's mother said to him when he got home, "Did you like the castle, Dave?"

"Not very much," Dave answered. "The stupid people built it too near the railway".

Unit 31.

Two Mexicans has accused each other of cheating, and both of them were getting angrier and angrier.

"I'll kill you" shouted Jose.

Miguel laughed rudely and answered, "You could never kill me but I could kill you!"

"Just try!" Jose shouted back. "Well fight a duel in the park at five o'clock tomorrow morning".

"No, not in the park" Miguel answered. "The police might see or hear us there. Let's go out to a quiet place in

the country".

"All right," said Jose, "I accept. Let's go to San Antonio by the first train tomorrow morning. That's where I

usually fight my duels".

"I do too," answered Miguel.

The next morning they went to the railway station together, and Jose bought a return ticket, but Miguel bought

a single one.

"Ho, ho" said Jose. "So you don't expect to return? I always get a return ticket"."I never do," answered Miguel calmly. "I always use my opponent's other half".

Unit 32.

Mrs Evans went to a large local cinema one summer afternoon. Half-way through the wonderful film there

was the usual interval, so that people could buy sweets, chocolates and ice-cream.

Mrs Evans rarely bought anything in the cinema, but this time she was feeling hot, so she thought, "I'll have an

ice-cream to cool me. I certainly need it. " Quite a lot of the audience were waiting to buy ice-cream from the

girl who was selling them, so Mrs Evans waited for her turn.

There was a small boy in front of her. When it was his turn, he offered the girl ten pence and asked for an ice-

cream, but they cost twenty pence, so the girl said, "I want another ten pence, please".

The small boy put the coin back in his pocket, puts his hand in another pocket, took out another ten pence coin

and offered that to the girl.Mrs Evans so amused that she paid the other ten pence herself.

Unit 33.

A clerk who worked in a small office in a factory discovered that there were so many files in his room that

there was not room for any more. Also, each file was so full that it was impossible to add more papers to it.

"Well," he thought, "every week I have to find room for several hundred letters, so something will have to be

done about this".

He thought and thought, and then decided to send a note to his manager explaining what had happened and

asking him for his permission to go through the old files and to take out and destroy all letters which were no

longer of any use.

The next day he received a note from the manager in answer to his. It said, "All right, you have permission to

do as you suggest, but you must make copies of all letters before destroying them".


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Unit 34.

Len and Jim worked for the same company. One day, Len lent Jim 20 dollars, but then Jim left his job and

went to work in another town without paying Len back his 20 dollars.

Len did not see Jim for a year, and then he heard from another friend that Jim was in town and staying at the

Central Hotel, so he went to see him there late in the evening.

He found out the number of Jim's room from the clerk at the desk downstairs and went up to find him. When

he got to the room, he saw Jim's shoes outside the door, waiting to be cleaned.

"Well, he must be in," he thought, and knocked at the door.

There was no answer.

He knocked again. Then he said, "I know you're in, Jim. Your shoes are out here"."I went out in my slippers," answered a voice from inside the room.

Unit 35.

Timothy was ten years old. He was not a very good pupil, and he did not like having to do homework, because

he preferred to do other things in his free time. Frequently he did not do his homework, and when he did it, he

always made a lot of mistakes.

Then one day, his mathematics teacher looked at Timothy's homework and saw that he had got all his sums

right. He was very pleased and rather surprised. He called Timothy to his desk and said to him, "You got all

your homework right this time, Timothy. What happened? Did your father help you?"

Usually Timothy's father did help him with his homework, but the evening before this, he had not been able

to, because he had not been at home, so Timothy answered, "No, sir. He was busy last night, so I had to do it

all myself".

Unit 36.

Two sailors who had just finished a long voyage went home to their village and decided to have a few drinks

in the bar there. When they had had enough, they came out into the street to look for something amusing to

do. But it was a very quiet place, and nothing interesting ever happened there, so they could not find anything.

But at last, while they were standing in the market-place outside the bar, they saw a village boy coming slowly

towards them. He was lending a donkey by a rope, so the sailors decided that they would have a joke with

him.

"Hullo, one of the sailors said to the boy. "Why does your brother have to have a rope round his neck when he

goes for a walk with you?"

"To stop him joining the navy," the boy answered at once.

Unit 37.

There was once a large, fat woman who had a small, thin husband. He had a job in a big company and was

given his weekly wages every Friday evening. As soon as he got home on Fridays, his wife used to make him

give her all his money, and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every

day.

One day the small man came home very excited. He hurried into the living-room. His wife was listening to the

radio and eating chocolates there.

"You'll never guess what happened to me today, dear," he said.

He waited for a few seconds and then added, "I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery!"

"That's wonderful" said his wife delightedly. But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily, "But

wait a moment! How could you afford to buy the ticket?"

Unit 38.

Bill Jenkins worked in a big office in the city, and generally he used to go to the barber's during working hours

to have his hair cut, although this was against the rule: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.

While Bill was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair

cut. Bill saw him and tried to hide his face, but the manager came and sat beside him, so he soon recognized

him.

"Hullo Jenkins," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time".

Yes, sir, I am," admitted Bill calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time".

"Not all of it," said the manager of the office at once. "Some of it grows in your own time".

"Yes, sir, that's quite true, answered Bill politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off".


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Unit 39.

A clerk who worked very hard and was usually very punctual arrived at his office very late one morning. He

had bruises on his face, a scratch on one of his lips, sticking-plaster on his left wrist and thumb, and a bandage

on his right shoulder. He had also hurt his knees, ankles and some of his toes.

The manager of the office was not a patient man, and he had been waiting for the clerk, because he had some

work to give him. When he saw him come in at last, he said angrily, "You're an hour late, Tomkins!"

"I know, sir," answered the clerk politely. "I'm very sorry. My flat is on the eighth floor, and just before I left

home this morning, while I was closing one of the windows, I slipped and fell out".

"Well," the manager answered coldly, "did that take you an hour?"

Unit 40.Elizabeth was a very pretty girl, and her parents were rich. Quite a lot of the young men in the town wanted to

marry her, but she was not satisfied with any of them.

One evening, one of the handsomest of the young men who wanted to marry Elizabeth came to visit her in her

parents' house and asked her to become his wife. She answered, "No, William, I won't marry you. I want to

marry a man who is famous, who can play music, sing and dance very well, who can tell really interesting

stories, who does not smoke or drink, who stays at home in the evenings and who stops talking when I'm tired

of listening".

The young man got up, took his coat and went to the door, but before he left the house, he turned and said to

Elizabeth, "It isn't a man you're looking for. It's a television set".

Unit 41.

Miss Grey lived alone in a small flat. She was old and did not like noise at all, so she was very pleased when

the noisy young man and woman who lived in the flat above her moved out. A new young man moved in, and

Miss Grey thought, "Well, he looks quiet".

But at three o'clock the next morning, Miss Grey was woken up by the barking of a dog.

She thought, "I've never heard a dog here before. It must belong to the new man in the flat above. " So she

telephoned the young man, said some nasty things to him about the dog and then hung the telephone up before

he could answer.

Nothing more happened until three o'clock the next morning. Then Miss Grey's telephone rang, and when she

answered, a voice said, "I'm the man upstairs. I've rung you up to say that I haven't got a dog".

Unit 42.

Mrs Robinson had one small son. His name was Billy. Mrs Robinson loved Billy very much, and as he wasnot a strong child, she was always afraid that he might get ill, so she used to take him to the best doctor in the

town four times a year to be examined.

During one of these visits, the doctor gave Billy various tests and then said to him, "Have you had any trouble

with your nose or ears recently?"

Billy thought for a second and then answered, "Yes, I have".

Mrs Robinson was very worried. "But I'm sure you've never told me that, Billy" She said anxiously.

"Oh, really? " said the doctor seriously, "And what trouble have you had with your nose and ears, my boy?"

"Well," answered Billy, "I always have trouble with them when I'm taking my jersey of, because the neck is

very tight".

Unit 43.

Some friends hired a bus to go to the seaside for the day. When they returned to the bus late at night to gohome, someone was lying on the ground beside it. They looked at him and discovered that he was a man from

their town whom they were sure had not come on their bus. He was very drunk.

"I suppose he came in another bus," one of the men said, "and missed it when it left for home because he was

drunk. Now he's come to our bus to go back in that".

Two men put him into the bus. He did not wake up during the drive back, and when the bus arrived, they took

him to his home, still very drunk.

They knocked at the door for several minutes, and then a neighbour opened a window and said, "It's no use

knocking there. They've gone to the seaside for two weeks".

Unit 44.

A man met a friend in the street and asked him to lend him five pounds. The friend did so willingly.


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A week later they met again, "You've lent me 5 pounds, lend me another 5 pounds, and then I'll owe you 10

pounds, " the friend said. The man did so.

A few days later they met again, and the friend said, "You lent me 10 pounds. Lend me another 10 pounds,

and then I'll owe you 20 pounds. " The man did this, although he was rather doubtful about doing it.

Two weeks later the friend asked for more money. " He said "You've already lent me 20 pounds. Can you

make it 50 pounds?

The man did not answer for a few seconds, but he was unable to refuse.

A month later, the men met again. "You've lent me 50 pounds... ... " began the friend.

"Who? Me?" answered the man anxiously. "I disagree! I've never lent you any money!"

Unit 45.A man was driving along a road in his motor-car when a policeman on a motor-cycle stopped him and

said. "You're only allowed to do eighty along this road".

The man had to go to court, and there he told the judge that he was not driving at more than eighty kilometres

an hour, and that he never drove at more than sixty-five.

The man's wife had been in the car too, when the policeman had stopped it, and she said to the judge, "My

husband was driving at only fifty kilometres an hour when the policeman stopped him".

Her sister, Ann, had been in the car too, and she said to the judge, "We were hardly moving at all when the

policeman came up behind us".

By the time, the judge had had quite enough. "Stop now, " he said, "or you will finish by hitting something

behind your car".

Unit 46.

A potato farmer was sent to prison just at the time when he should have been digging the ground for planting

the new crop of potatoes. He knew that his wife would not be strong enough to do the digging by herself, but

that she could manage to do the planting; and he also knew that he did not have any friends or neighbours who

would be willing to do the digging for him. So he wrote a letter to his wife which said, "Please do not dig the

potato field. I hid the money and the gun there".

Ten days later he got a letter from his wife. It said, "I think somebody is reading your letters before they go

out of the prison. Some policemen arrived here two days ago and dug up the whole potato field. What shall I

do now?"

The prisoner wrote back at once, "Plant the potatoes, of course".

Unit 47.Joe was going into his usual bar before lunch when he saw a poorly dressed man fishing in a small pool of

rain-water about five centimetres deep outside it.

Joe stopped and watched the man for a few minutes. He saw that most of people who passed by him believed

he must be rather mad.

Joe pitied the man, so after a few minutes he went up to him and said kindly, "Hullo, would you like to come

into the bar and have a drink with me?"

The fisherman was delighted to accept his offer, and the two men went into the bar together. Joe bought the

fisherman a few drinks, and finally said to him, "You've been fishing outside here, haven't you? How many

did you manage to catch this morning, if I may ask?"

"You're the eighth," the fisherman answered merrily.

Unit 48.Mr Robinson was driving to Oxford one cloudy day when he saw a hitch-hiker holding a sign above his head

which said CAMBRIDGE. Mr Robinson thought it unwise to take hitch-hikers, because he had read

frightening stories of what some of them did to drivers, but he was a kind man, so he stopped and said,

"You're going to get wet. You're on the wrong road for Cambridge. This road goes to Oxford".

"Yes, I know," answered the hitch-hiker gaily, as he got into Mr Robinson's car. "That's where I want to go. I

only started to wait here a minute ago, and I knew someone would be likely to stop to tell me I was on the

wrong road. If I'd held up a sign with OXFORD on it, I might have had to wait for an hour for someone to

stop!"

Unit 49.

Mr Grey had a nice shop in the main street of a small town. He sold jewellery, watches, clocks and other

things like those. All went well for some years, and then Mr Grey's shop was broken into at night twice in one


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month, and a lot of jewellery was stolen each time. The police had still not managed to catch the thief three

weeks later, so Mr Grey decided that he would try to do something about it. He therefore bought a camera,

fixed it up to his shop so that it would photograph anyone who broke to at night, and put some very cheap

jewellery in front of it for the thief.

A few nights later the thief did come again, but he did not touch any of the cheap jewellery that Mr Grey had

put out for him. He took the camera. It was worth 150 pounds.

Unit 50.

Mrs Williamson had two sons. One morning during the holidays, when she was doing the washing for the

family, her younger son came and asked her for some money for sweets.

"Sweets are bad for your teeth," Mrs Williamson said. "Take these two oranges instead, and give one to yourolder brother". One of the orange was quite a lot bigger than the other, and as the small boy liked oranges, he

kept that one for himself, and gave his brother the smaller one.

When the older boy saw that his brother had a much larger orange than his own, he said to him, "It's selfish to

take the bigger one for yourself. If mother had given me the oranges, I'd have given you the bigger one".

"I know you would," answered his brother. "That's why I took it".

Unit 51.

A busy mother asked her young son to take his baby sister out into the garden and look after her for half an

hour while she was doing some work in the house.

The boy took the baby out, and they seemed to be playing quite happily when suddenly the mother heard the

baby begin to cry, so she shouted to her son, "Billy, what's the matter with Susan? Why's she crying?"

"Because she wants my marbles," answered Billy.

"Well, let her play with a few of them if it will stop her crying," said the mother patiently. "I must finish this

work, and she'd be in my way in here".

But she wants to keep them" answered Billy.

"No, she doesn't," the mother said. "She's only a baby. She's too young to understand anything like that".

"But I know that she wants to keep them," answered Billy. "She's already swallowed two of them!"

Unit 52.

Dick was a waiter in a small restaurant. One day a man came in and sat down at one of the tables. Dick

greeted him and went to find out what he wanted to eat. The man said he would like some chicken with

potatoes and other vegetables.

"Roast chicken," he added as Dick was leaving."Very well, sir," Dick answered and disappeared into the kitchen.

But the man called him back, saying, "just a moment, waiter. Please try to have it cooked just right, not to

little, and not too much, and with as little fat as possible.

"Very well, sir," answered Dick obediently. "I'll tell the cook".

Once more he began to go towards the kitchen, but again the man stopped him with the words, "Oh, and I

forgot to explain that I'm fond of the leg".

"Very well, sir," answered Dick. "Do you prefer the left leg or the right?"

Unit 53.

When David Williams left the university, he went to Australia. When he returned to England for a visit twenty

years later, he decided to go back to his old university.

David was delighted when he discovered that his old professor was still teaching there. He went to visit theold man, and after they had had an interesting talk, the professor went out to get something. While he was

away, David saw an examination paper on the desk. He looked at the date on it and saw that it had been given

to the students the week before. David picked the paper up and read it through.

When the professor came back, David said to him "Professor, I'm certain that these are exactly the same

questions that you asked us in our examinations twenty years ago! How is that possible?"

"Yes, that's right," answered the professor calmly. "The questions are the same, but the answers have

changed".

Unit 54.

When George finished his studies at the university, he began to look around for a job. He did not know what

he would like to do, but one of his uncles had worked for the government for thirty years, and he advised


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George to try to get a job of the same kind, so he went for an examination one day. He was successful, and his

first job was in a large government office in London.

When George had been working there for a few weeks his uncle came to visit the family one Saturday

evening. He was delighted that his nephew had managed to get a job working for the government, and he

asked him a lot of questions about it.

One of the questions he asked was, "And how many people work in your department, George?"

The young man thought for a few moments and then answered, "About half of them, Uncle Jim".

Unit 55.

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in

the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughter her tea before putting her to bed. First she gave hera slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some

jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucky, I was

always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam".

Lucky looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you

pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

Unit 56.

A very new young officer was at a railway station. He was on his way to visit his mother in another town, and

he wanted to telephone her to tell her the time of his train, so that she could meet him at the station in her

car. He looked in all his pockets, but found that he did not have the right money for the telephone, so he went

outside and looked around for someone to help him.

At last an old soldier came by, and the young officer stopped him and said, "Have you got change for ten

pence?"

"Wait a moment," the old soldier answered, beginning to put his hand to his pocket. "I'll see whether I can

help you".

"Don't you know how to speak to an officer? " The young man said angrily. "Now let's start again. Have you

got change for ten pence?"

"No, sir," the old soldier answered quickly".

Unit 57.

An old porter had been working for the railway for a very long time. He was standing in one of the big railway

stations in London one morning, waiting for travellers to ask him to help them with their luggage, when hesaw a small man running towards the trains, carrying a bag.

The porter watched the man for a few seconds, and then the man saw the porter. At once he ran up to him and

said, "Can I catch the 10.35 train to Newcastle-on-Tyne, porter? " He was breathing very fast, and he sounded

worried.

The old porter looked at him for a moment and then said politely, "Well, sir, I'd like to help you, but I can't

answer your question, because I don't know how fast you can run along rails. You see, he explained, "the

10.35 train to Newcastle-on-Tyne left, five minutes ago".

Unit 58.

A young man hurried into his town library. He went up to one of the old librarians and said to her eagerly, "Do

you remember that you persuaded me to borrow a book about Greek history a week ago?"

"Yes, that's right," answered the librarian."Do you remember the name of the book? " the young man asked.

The librarian felt very proud, because she was always trying to get young people to take out books about

Greek history, and she rarely found one who was willing to accept her suggestions.

"Yes," she answered, "Do you want to take it out again? Did you think that it was an interesting?"

"No, of course not," said the young man, "but when I was taking it home, I met a girl on the bus, and I wrote

her telephone number in the book. I want to telephone her, so please may I look at the book again?"

Unit 59.

A big battle was going on during the first World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying

about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldiers decided that the fighting was getting too

dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an

hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said, "Where are you going?"


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"I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir," the soldier answered.

"Do you know who I am? " the officer said to him angrily. "I'm your commanding officer".

The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, "My God, I didn't realize that I was so far back

already!"

Unit 60.

A young lady who was on holiday in Brighton went into a bank to collect some money which had been sent

there for her from the town in which she lived.

The clerk in the Brighton bank did not know her, so he said, "What proof have you got that you are really the

lady who should collect this money?"

The young lady looked worried for a few moments and said, "I don't think I've brought any proof with me,"but then she suddenly looked happy again. She opened her bag, took a photograph of herself out of it and

showed it to the clerk. "Here's something," she said.

The clerk looked at the photograph carefully and then looked at the young lady. "Yes, that's you," he said, and

paid the money to her without any more trouble.

Unit 61.

Some villagers were going to celebrate an important wine festival in a few day's time, so they borrowed a

huge barrel from the nearest town, put it in the village square, and determined that each of them should empty

a bottle of the best wine he had into it, so that there should be plenty at the feast.

One of the villagers thought he would be very clever. "If I pour a bottle of water in, instead of wine, no one

will notice it," he said to himself, "because there will be so much excellent wine in the barrel that the water

will be lost in it".

The night of the feast arrived. Everybody gathered in the village square with their jugs and their glasses for the

wine. The tap on the barrel was opened, but what came out was pure water. Everyone in the village had had

the same idea.

Unit 62.

Can you think of sentence in which the word "and" appears five times, without any words in between? There

is one at the end of this story.

There was once an inn which was called "The horse and Cart". It had the sign outside it which had a picture of

a horse and cart on it, but the sign was getting very old, so the owner of the inn decided to have a new one

made. He went to a painter and asked him to paint one, and to write "The Horse and Cart" on it in large letters.

A few days later, he went to see how painter was getting on. He liked the picture of the horse and cart verymuch, but he did not like the writing at all. He said to the painter, "No, no! There's too much space between

HORSE and AND and AND and CART!"

Unit 63.

A young man was called up for army service and had to go to be medically examined. The doctor was sitting

at the desk when he went in. He said to the man, "take your coat and shirt off, loosen your belt and sit on that

chair".

The young man did so. The doctor looked at him for a moment without getting up from his chair and then

said, "All right. Put your clothes on again".

"But you haven't examined me at all! " The young man said in a trouble voice.

"It isn't necessary," the doctor said gently. "When I told you to take your coat and shirt off, you hear me all

right, so you aren't deaf. You saw the chair I pointed to, so your eyesight's good enough for the army. Youmanaged to take your clothes off and to sit on the chair, so your body must be healthy, and you understood

what I told you to do and did it without a mistake, so you must possess enough intelligence for the army".

Unit 64.

A man had to go to court, and he asked his lawyer which judge would be hearing his case. His lawyer told him

and then said, "Do you know him?"

The man answered "No, but I wanted to know his name so that I could send him a dozen bottles of good

wine".

The lawyer was terribly shocked. "You can't do that," he said. "You would be breaking the law very seriously,

and you would be sure to lose the case".

Some weeks later the case was heard, and the man won it. As he was leaving the court, he said to his lawyer,

"My present to the judge was quite successful, wasn't it?"


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The lawyer was even more shocked than before, and said "What? Did you really send him that wine after what

I told you?"

"Yes, certainly," answered the man. "But I put my opponent's name on the card which I sent with the wine".

Unit 65.

A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life. "My wife makes all the small

decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never

get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments".

"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife

make?"

"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture wehave, where we go for our holidays, and things like that".

His friend was surprised "Oh? " He said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"

"Well," answered the man. "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to

poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that".

Unit 66.

John was the only son of a wealthy American businessman. Usually he was taken to school by the chauffeur in

his father's beautiful car, before the chauffeur took John's father to his office. One evening his father told him

that he had to go to the airport early the next day, so he would need the car at the time that John had to go to

school. He said that John's mother, who possessed another car, would still be in bed at the time he had to leave

the house.

"Well, how will I get to school if you need your car and Mummy is still in bed?" John asked. His father

thought this was a good opportunity to teach him a lesson about how hard life was for the less fortunate people

of the world, so he answered, "You'll go in the same way as every other child in the world goes, in a taxi".

Unit 67.

At the entrance to a big office in London there was a book which all employees had to sign when they arrived

each morning. At nine o'clock, the manager's secretary, who lived in a small flat above the office, had to draw

a red line under the last name in the book, and anyone who came after that had to explain why he was late.

Whenever there was a thick fog in the city, the first person to arrive late usually wrote "Delayed by fog" under

the red line in the book, and then everybody else who came after that just put "ditto" underneath.

But one foggy morning, the first man to arrive late wrote "My wife had a baby early this morning" instead of

"Delayed by fog" under the red line in the book. Twenty or thirty people who came after him put "ditto"underneath as usual.

Unit 68.

A policeman returned to his police station one evening and reported to the sergeant that he had found an old

car with no number plates.

"Where was it?" Asked the sergeant.

"In Ecclesiastes Street, beyond the bridge," answered the policeman.

The sergeant opened the report book and began to write. When he reached the name of the street, he began to

spell aloud: "E-c-I". He looked at this for a few seconds, then crossed it out and wrote "E-c-k". Then he

became annoyed, decided that he was already too busy with other jobs, and said to the policeman, "Write the

report yourself".

The policeman had a try too, but after a minute, he put his helmet on and began to go out slowly."Where are you going?" The sergeant asked.

"Back to Ecclesiastes Street," answered the policeman. "I'm going to push the car round the corner into Green

Street".

Unit 69.

The leader of a band was finding it extremely difficult to prepare for an important performance, because the

members of the band were never all present at any one of the rehearsals. Then the last rehearsals before the

show came, and again some of the members were not there. At the end of the rehearsals, the leader said to all

the members of the band who were present, "I have been making a note of those who have been absent from

our various rehearsals. Here it is". He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and looked at it. "I see that the

only man who has been hardworking and faithful enough to be present every time is the drummer".


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The drummer went very red, stood up and answered, "Well, I thought it was the only right thing to do, as I

won't be able to come to the show tomorrow".

Unit 70.

A man was tired of living in his old house in the country and wanted to sell it and buy a better one. He

attempted to sell it for a long time, but was not successful, so at last he decided to solve the problem by using

an estate agent.

The agent promptly advertised the house, and a few days later, the owner saw a very attractive photograph of

it, with a wonderful description of its gardens, in an expensive magazine.

After the house owner had read the advertisement through, he hastened to telephone the estate agent and said

to him. "I'm sorry, Mr.Jones, but I've decided not to sell my house after all. After reading your advertisementin that magazine, I can see that it's just the kind of house I've wanted to live in all my life".

Unit 71.

Jean was a very beautiful young girl, so she was quite used to some men showing their admiration for her, and

to others being confused and shy when they saw her.

One summer, when Jean was travelling abroad, she went into a cafe in a small town, sat down and waited to

be served.

The young waiter was talking to someone at the bar when she came in, and at first he did not pay any attention

to her, because he had not looked at her properly. Then he turned round and saw how beautiful she was. His

face went bright red, and he hurried over to take her order.

"I'd like coffee without cream, please," Jean said.

The waiter hurried out, and came back a few minutes later without the coffee.

"I'm very sorry," he said, "but we haven't got any cream. Would you like your coffee without milk?"

Unit 72.

Carol and Susan were great friends. They were in the same class at school, and they often visited each other's

homes at weekends.

When they were both eight years old, Carol's mother had a baby. Carol was overjoyed to have a little sister

and was always talking about her to Susan, who had no brothers or sisters.

At first Susan was very interested in the new baby, but after some time she began to get rather discontented

with Carol's continual talking about it. She also felt a little jealous.

One morning when the two girls were in the school playground. Carol said to Susan cheerfully, "Do you

know, Susan, my baby sister gained nearly two hundred grams in weight this week"."That's not very much," answered Susan. "I know a baby that gains five kilograms a day".

"Oh, that can't be true! " Answered Carol scornfully, "Whose baby is it?"

"An elephant's" said Susan.

Unit 73.

A priest who was walking through a small town saw a blackboard outside the front door of a school. It had

been washed and put out to dry in the open air.

There was a piece of chalk at the foot of the blackboard, so the priest took it and wrote in large letters, "I'm a

priest and I pray for you all".

A lawyer happened to pass next and when he saw what the priest had written, he added under it, "I'm a lawyer

and I defend you all".

Then a doctor came by, took the piece of chalk and wrote on the blackboard, "I'm a doctor and I cure you all".Finally ordinary citizen stopped, looked at what the others had written, thought for a few seconds and then

added, "I'm an ordinary citizen and I pay for you all".

Unit 74.

George was a quiet, serious young man. He had been studying particularly hard one year, and when he passed

his examinations, his friend Jim went to give him his congratulations and then had an earnest conversation

with him.

"You've never been to a dance, George" he said. "It's boring always studying and never enjoying

oneself. Come out with me this evening".

Perhaps you're right, Jim," replied George after a moment's hesitation.

So they went to a dance and had an enjoyable time. But George drank more than he was used to, and by

midnight Jim had become worried about him, so he said, "Now we'll walk home in the cool air".


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On their way home, they came to a bridge, and George looked down at the river below attentively. The stars

were reflected in its smooth surface.

"What are those lights down there?" George inquired.

"They're the stars, George," Jim replied.

"The stars?" George said. "Well, then, how did I get up here?"

Unit 75.

One year Miss Wyatt decided to have a holiday in Italy. She did not speak much Italian, but wherever she

went, she was fortunate enough to find people who knew enough English to be able to understand what she

wanted, until one day she decided to have lunch in a charming little restaurant in a village in the south of Italy.

She had seen some nice mushrooms in the market of another village near there and thought they would tastevery good, so when the waiter came to take her order for lunch, she inquired whether she could have some

mushrooms for her meal, but she had great difficulty in explaining to him, because she did not know the

Italian word for mushrooms.

At last she took out a pencil and drew a picture of a mushrooms. The waiter's face brightened at once, and he

hastened out to the kitchen. A minute later he returned, carrying an umbrella.

Unit 76.

Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful, modern bicycle which cost 54.99 pounds, so he

went to the shop which had put the advertisement in and asked to see one of their wonderful bicycles.

The shopkeeper was very happy to show one to Tom, who examined it carefully and then turned to the

shopkeeper, saying, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your

advertisement".

"Yes, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It's an extra".

"Not included in the price of the bicycle?" Tom said angrily. "But that's not honest if the lamp's in the

advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave here".

"Well, sir," answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there's also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, but we

don't supply one of them with the bicycle either".

Unit 77.

In the United States, gifts by a company or a person to a charity which is approved by the government, can be

used to reduce the company's or the person's tax. (This is, of course, to encourage people to give money to

charities). One day the secretary of a world famous charity had a telephone call from a tax officer, who said,

"A certain gentleman who says that his name is Howard Vine claims to have given your society 15.000 dollarsin gifts last year. I am telephoning to find out whether he did in fact do so".

"Howard Vine, did you say?" Answered the secretary of the charity cautiously. "Wait a moment please. I'll

have a look in our records".

After half a minute, the tax officer heard the secretary voice again, "Mr.Howard Vine hasn't given us 15.000

dollars yet," the secretary said delightedly, "but he's going to now!"

Unit 78.

David was a young man who worked in an office in a big city. His hobby was fishing, but he did not often get

a chance to practice it.

Then one summer he decided to have a holiday in a beautiful place in the mountains where there were a lot of

streams. "I ought to be able to have some good fishing there," he said to himself.

The first morning after he arrived, he walked to the nearest stream with his fishing-rod. He saw an old manstanding beside the water, so he asked him whether it was a private stream. The old man answered that it was

not, so David then said to him, "Well, then it won't be a crime if I catch some fish here, will it?"

"Oh, no," answered the old man, "it won't be a crime, but it will certainly a miracle".

Unit 79.

A young man had a new girl friend, whom he wanted to impress, so he invited her to go to a world-famous

restaurant with him one evening. They dined wonderfully and had numerous drinks, they danced until

midnight, and there was a polished musical entertainment. The girl enjoyed the entire evening, and was

suitably impressed by everything she saw, including several film stars.

Then the waiter brought the bill at the end of the evening, and when the young man saw how much he had to

pay, he was so shocked by the total that he went as white as a sheet.


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The helpful waiter, who was watching his face, thought he might be going to faint, so he quickly poured out a

glass of ice-cold water and emptied it over the young man's head. Then he took the bill back and added to it:

"Iced water: 50p".

Unit 80.

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him

in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided

that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year

and pass the examinations at the end of it really well".

"No, no, that's quite impossible! " Replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked himwhen Napoleon had died, and he didn't know!"

"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspapers in

our house, so none of us even knew that Napoleon was ill".

Unit 81.

Mr.Briggs got a job with an insurance company after he left school and went around visiting people in their

homes to sell them life insurance.

One day, after he had been working for the company for about a year, the insurance manager sent for him and

said, "Mr.Briggs, I have been looking at your record as a salesman with our company, and there is one thing

that surprises me about it. Why have you been selling insurance only to people over 95 years old, and why

have you been giving them such generous conditions? You'll ruin our company if you go on like that".

"Oh, no sir," answered Mr.Briggs at once. "Before I started work, I looked at the figures for deaths in this

country during the past ten years, and I can tell you that extremely few people die at the age of 95 or above

each year".

Unit 82.

For a long time Dr.Jackson had wanted to get a permanent job in a certain big modern hospital, and at last he

was successful. He was appointed to the particular position which he wanted, and he and his wife moved to

the house which they were now to live in. The next day some beautiful flowers delivered to them, with a note

which said, "Deepest sympathy".

Naturally, Dr.Jackson was annoyed to receive such an extraordinary note, and telephoned the shop which had

sent the flowers to find out what the note meant".

When the owner of the shop heard what had happened, he apologized to Mr.Jackson for having made themistake.

"But what really worries me much more" he added, "is that the flowers which ought to have gone to you were

sent to a funeral, with a card which said "Congratulations on your new position".

Unit 83.

During the second World War, Winston Churchill was the British Prime Minister. One day he had to go to the

British Broadcasting Corporation (the BBC) to make an important speech to the nation.

An hour before the time of this speech, he stopped a taxi in the street and asked the driver to take him to the

BBC, but the taxi driver, who did not recognize him, said he could not take him anywhere just then, because

he wanted to go back to his home at the other end of London to hear Churchill make a speech on the radio.

Churchill was so pleased when he heard this answer that he gave the man a pound, which was worth quite a

lot in those days."All right, get in," said the driver happily, opening the door of the taxi. "I'll take you, and to hell with

Churchill and his speech!"

Unit 84.

A poor farmer who had always lived in the country and had never visited a big town won a lot of money, so he

decided that he could now afford a holiday in an excellent hotel by the sea.

When lunch-time came on his first day there, he decided to go and eat in the restaurant of the hotel. The head

waiter showed him to his table, took his order and went away. When he looked at the farmer again, he had a

surprise! The farmer had tied his table napkin round his neck.

The head waiter was very annoyed at this and immediately told one of the other waiters in the restaurant to go

to the man and inform him, without being in any way insulting, that people did not do such a thing in

restaurants of that quality.


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The waiter went to the farmer and said in a friendly voice, "Good morning, sir. Would you like a shave, or a

hair-cut?"

Unit 85.

A man and his wife had arranged to have a holiday at the seaside. They were waiting at the railway station for

their train when the man saw a weighing-machine near the bench on which they were sitting. It was one of

those weighing-machines that give cards on which one's fortune is printed as well as one's weight.

The man decided to weigh himself, so he went to the machine, got on it, put a penny in, and a card came

out. The man took it back to his wife, and she read it out to him, because he had not got his glasses.

On the card was written, "You are a leader of men and have a masterly character. You have greet intelligence

and are attractive to women".After she had read this out, the man's wife turned the card over, looked at the back for a moment and then

remarked, "It's got your weight wrong too".

Unit 86.

A man went to see his doctor one day because he was suffering from pains in his stomach. After the doctor

had examined him carefully, he said to him, "Well, there's nothing really wrong with you, I'm glad to

say. Your only trouble is that you worry too much. Do you know, I had a man with the same trouble as you in

here a few weeks ago, and I gave him the same advice as I'm going to give you. He was worried because he

couldn't pay his tailor's bills. I told him not to worry his head about the bills any more. He followed my

advice, and when he came to see me again two days ago, he told me that he now feels all right again".

"Yes, I know all about that," answered the patient sadly. "You see, I'm that man's tailor".

Unit 87.

Mary wanted to be a nurse when she left school, but in the meantime, she joined the Red Cross and had some

limited training.

She was taught that, in case of an accident, and they were plentiful in her town, she should give first aid at

once and then send for a doctor.

One day, there was an accident in a busy street, and when Mary arrived soon after she saw a man bending over

a woman who had been accidentally knocked down by a car and was lying motionless in the street.

Mary ran up pushed the man away, informed the crowd that she was a Red Cross nurse and began to help the

wounded woman.

After a few minutes the man who had been bending over the woman when Mary arrived touched her on the

shoulder and said, "When you reach the part about sending for a doctor, don't worry. I'm here already".

Unit 88.

A tourist was standing outside a very big church in Germany when a wedding party got out of some car and

went into the church. Everybody was very well dressed, and there were a lot of photographers, so the tourist

thought, "The people getting married must be famous". He turned to a man who was standing beside him and

said, "What is the name of the man who is getting married?"

The man answered, "Ich spreche kein Englisch".

The tourist thanked him and went into the church. As he was coming out of another door, a coffin was carried

out. There had been a funeral service in one of the side chapels of the church.

The tourist turned to one of the people in the church and said, "Whose funeral was that?"

The man answered, "Ich spreche kein Englisch".

"Well," said the tourist, "his marriage didn't last long".

Unit 89.

A priest had to take services in several churches every Sunday, and one of them was in the centre of a big city

where there were lots of offices, but very few people lived, so hardly anyone ever went to this church on a

Sunday. The priest used to go there in a taxi, and one Sunday he arrived as usual and told the taxi driver to

wait while he read the service. When he entered the church, he found that there was only one man there, so he

inquired whether he would be willing to have a shortened service.

"No," replied the man firmly and without any hesitation. "I'd like to have the full service, without omitting

anything".

When the priest said the last prayer and left, he discovered that the man in the church had been his taxi driver,

whose meter had been adding up the pence throughout the service.


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Unit 90.

The soldiers had just moved to the desert, and as they had never been in such a place before, they had a lot to

learn.

As there were no trees or buildings in the desert, it was of course, very hard to hide their trucks from enemy

planes. The soldiers were therefore given training in camouflage, which means ways of covering something so

that the enemy cannot see where it is. They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with

pale green, yellow, and brown paints, and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of

cloth.

The driver who had the largest truck went to a lot of trouble to camouflage it. He spent several hours painting

it, preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. When it was allfinished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.

But when he came back to the truck after he had had his meal, he was surprised and worried to see that his

camouflage work was completely spoilt by the truck's shadow, which was growing longer and longer as the

afternoon advanced. He stood looking at it, not knowing what to do about it.

Soon as officer arrived and he too saw the shadow, of course.

"Well," he shouted to the poor driver, "what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane comes over, the

pilot will at once know that there is a truck here".

"I know, sir," answered the soldier.

"Well, don't just stand there doing nothing," said the officer.

"What shall I do, sir?" Asked the poor driver.

"Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow, of course!" Answered the officer.

Goldilocks And The Three Bears.

Once upon a time there were three bears who lived in a house in the forest. There was a great big father bear, a

middle-sized mother bear and a tiny little baby bear.

One morning, their breakfast porridge was too hot to eat, so they went for a walk in the forest. While they were

out, a little girl called Goldilocks came through the trees and found their house. She knocked on the door and,

as there was no answer, she pushed it open and went in.

In front of her was a table with three chairs, one great big chair, one middle-sized chair and one tiny little

chair. On the table were three bowls of porridge, one great big bowl, one middle-sized bowl and one tiny little

bowl - and three spoons.

Goldilocks was hungry, so she sat in the great big chair, picked up the biggest spoon and tried some of the

porridge from the great big bowl. But the chair was far too big and hard, the spoon was too heavy and the porridge too hot.

So Goldilocks went over to the middle-sized chair. But this chair was far too soft, and when she tried the

porridge from the middle-sized bowl it was too cold. So she went over to the tiny little chair and picked up the

smallest spoon and tried some of the porridge from the tiny little bowl.

This time it was neither too hot nor too cold. It was just right and so delicious that Goldilocks ate it all up. But

she was too heavy for the tiny little chair and it broke in pieces.

Then Goldilocks went upstairs where she found three beds. There was a great big bed, a middle-sized bed and a

tiny little bed. First she lay down on the great big bed, but it was very big and far too hard. Next she lay down

on the middle-sized bed, but that was far too soft. Then she lay down on the tiny little bed. It was neither too

hard nor too soft. In fact, it felt just right, and Goldilocks fell fast asleep.

In a little while, the three bears came back from their walk in the forest.

Father Bear looked around, then roared in a great big growly voice,"SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR!"

Mother Bear said in a quiet gentle voice,

"Somebody has been sitting in my chair!"

And Little Bear said in a small squeaky baby voice, "Somebody has been sitting in my chair, and has broken

it!"

Then Father Bear looked at his bowl of porridge and said in his great big growly voice.

"SOMEBODY HAS BEEN EATING MY PORRIDGE!"

Mother Bear looked at her bowl and said in her quiet gentle voice, "Somebody has been eating my porridge!"

And Little Bear looked at his bowl and said in his small squeaky baby voice,

"Somebody has been eating my porridge, and has eaten ii all."

Then the three hears went upstairs. Father Bear saw at once that his bed was untidy, and he said in his great big

growly voice,


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"SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED!"

Mother Bear saw that her bed, too, had the bedclothes turned hack, and she said in her quiet gentle voice.

"Somebody has been sleeping in my bed!"

And Little Bear looked at his bed, and he said in his small squeaky baby voice,

"Somebody is sleeping in my bed, NOW!"

He squeaked so loudly that Goldilocks woke up with a start. She jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs and

out into the forest. And the three bears never saw her again.

The Great Big Turnip.

Once upon a time, in Russia, an old man planted some turnip seeds. Each year he grew good turnips, but this

year he was especially proud of one very big turnip. He left it in the ground longer than the others and watchedwith amazement and delight as it grew bigger and bigger. It grew so big that no one could remember ever

having seen such a huge turnip before.

At last the old man decided that the time had come to pull it up. He took hold of the leaves of the great big

turnip and pulled and pulled, but the turnip did not move.

So the old man called his wife to come and help. The old woman took hold of the old man, and the old man

took hold of the turnip. Together they pulled and pulled, but still the turnip did not move.

So the old woman called her granddaughter to come and help. The granddaughter took hold of the old woman,

the old woman took hold of the old man, and the old man took hold of the turnip. They pulled and pulled, but

still the turnip did not move.

The granddaughter called to the dog to come and help. The dog took hold of the granddaughter, the

granddaughter took hold of the old woman, the old woman took hold of the old man, and the old man took hold

of the turnip. They pulled and pulled, but still the turnip did not move.

The dog called to the cat to come and help pull up the turnip. The cat took hold of the dog, the clog took hold

of the granddaughter, the granddaughter took hold of the old woman, the old woman took hold of the old man,

and the old man took hold of the turnip. They all pulled and pulled as hard as they could, but still the turnip did

not move.

Then the cat called to a mouse to come and help pull up the great big turnip. The mouse took hold of the cat,

the cat took hold of the dog, the dog took hold of the granddaughter, the granddaughter took hold of the old

woman, the old woman took hold of the old man, and he took hold of the turnip. Together they pulled and

pulled and pulled as hard as they could.

Suddenly, the great big turnip came out of the ground, and everyone fell over.

The old woman chopped up the great big turnip and made a great big pot of delicious turnip soup. There was

enough soup for every body - the mouse, the cat, the dog, the granddaughter, the old woman and the oldman. There was even some left over.

Cinderella.

There was once a gentleman who lived in a fine house, with his kind and gentle wife and their pretty

daughter. His wife died, so the gentleman married again. His new wife was not at all kind or pretty. She had

been married before and had two daughters who were known, behind their backs, as the Ugly Sisters.

Although they had no reason to be unkind, the two sisters were horrid to their new stepsister. They ordered her

about, scolded her and made her do all the work in the big house. Her clothes became ragged and thin and far

too small. The poor girl was always cold and tired. In the evenings she would rest on a stool close to the fire,

almost in the cinders and ashes.

"Cinderella, That's the perfect name for you", jeered the stepsisters when they saw her trying to keep warm.

Now the king and queen of their country had a son, and they planned a big ball for the prince in the hope thathe might find a bride. Invitations were sent to all the big houses. When a large invitation card to the royal ball

arrived at Cinderella's house, there was a great flurry of excitement. New dresses were chosen for the Ugly

Sisters and their mother, and nobody talked about anything except the ball.

"I am sure the prince will fall in love with me", said one sister, smiling at herself in the mirror.

"You silly fool", said the other, pushing her aside. "He won't be able to resist falling in love with me. Just

think, one day I could he queen", and she pretended she was the queen already as she ordered Cinderella to get

another pair of shoes for her to try on. No one thought of asking Cinderella if she would like to go to the

ball. They scarcely even noticed her as they rushed around trying on different wigs, fans and gloves to go with

their new ball dresses.

At last the day of the ball came, and Cinderella worked harder than ever, helping the Ugly Sisters and her

stepmother to get ready. They quarrelled with each other all day, and by the time the carriage drove away to the


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The delighted prince asked Cinderella to marry him and Cinderella replied that there was nothing she would

like more. The Ugly Sisters begged Cinderella to forgive them for their unkindness and she happily

agreed. There was a fine royal wedding for Cinderella and the prince, and they lived happily ever after.

Cinderella found two husbands for the Ugly Sisters at court, and they too lived happily ever after - well,

almost.

The Ugly Duckling.

One summer's day, when the corn was golden yellow and the hay was being dried in the fields, a mother duck

was sitting on her nest of eggs. She sat in the rushes of a deep moat that surrounded a lovely country manor and

waited for her eggs to hatch. They were taking a very long time and she was getting very tired.

At last she felt a movement beneath her. The eggs began to crack and out popped tiny fluffy ducklings. All theeggs hatched except for one, which was larger than the rest. The mother duck was impatient to take her new

ducklings swimming but could not leave the last egg unhatched. She sat, and she sat, and she sat, and just as

she was about to give up, she heard a tap. Out of the egg tumbled the oddest ugliest duckling imaginable.

She took the babies into the water and proudly watched as they all swam straightaway, even the ugly

duckling. She led them in a procession around the moat, showing them off to the other ducks. As they bobbed

along behind her she heard many quacks of admiration and praise for her fine family. But she also heard

quacks of laughter and scorn poured on the ugly duckling at the end of the line.

"He was too long in the egg", she explained. "He has not come out quite the right shape. But he will soon grow

into a fine duck, just like the others".

As the weeks went by, and the corn was harvested in the fields, the ducklings grew up into ducks. But the ugly

duckling with his grey feathers and clumsy shape remained different. All the ducks on the moat made fun of

him and refused to let him join in their games on the water.

The ugly duckling could bear it no more. As the autumn leaves began to fall he flew away to a great

marsh. There he stayed alone, hiding from the ducks among the reeds.

One day he heard a strange cry and the sound of wings in the air. Looking up he saw three dazzling white birds

flying majestically overhead. The ugly duckling felt a strange longing. He did not know the name of those birds

but he felt he loved them more than he had loved anything before. He watched as they passed over his head and

flew beyond until they were out of sight.

Autumn turned to winter, and the ugly duckling suffered many hardships. The marshy water froze and for a

while he was trapped fast in the ice. A kind man broke the ice and took him to his home, but the ugly duckling

was frightened by the noise and confusion inside the house. He flapped his wings, upset a bucket of milk and

fled as people shouted at him.

At last spring came, and with it warm sunshine. The ugly duckling flapped his wings. To his surprise they felt bigger and stronger, and he found he was flying easily away from the marsh towards a large and beautiful lake.

On the lake were the three wonderful birds the ugly duckling had seen flying overhead several months

before. As the swans glided smoothly over the lake, he felt drawn to them, but he was sure they would tease

him like the ducks because he was so ugly. He hung his head in shame.

All at once he saw a reflection in the smooth lake waters. A beautiful swan with glossy white feathers and a

fine yellow beak stared up at him. He moved; the swan moved. He opened his wings; so did the swan. The ugly

duckling suddenly realized - he was a swan.

The other swans swam gracefully towards him, welcoming him. Some children ran down to the lake, calling,

"Look, a new swan has appeared", and they threw bread into the water for him.

The young and beautiful swan felt quite shy with all this attention, and hid his head under his wing. But, as the

lilac trees bent their branches down over the water and the sun shone warm and bright, he felt a deep

happiness. He rustled his feathers, arched his sleek long neck and said to himself, "I never dreamed of suchgreat happiness when I was the Ugly Duckling".

The Elves And The Shoemaker.

Once upon a time there was a shoemaker who made very good shoes. But though he worked hard in his shop,

times were difficult and he became poorer and poorer. One evening he realized he had only enough leather to

make one more pair of shoes. He cut up the leather and laid the pieces out on his workbench to sew in the

morning when the light was better.

"I may never make another pair of shoes", he sighed as he put up the shutters over his shop window.

The next morning when he went back to his workbench he found a beautiful pair of shoes. He examined them

carefully and discovered they were made from the leather he had cut out the night before. The stitches were

exquisite, very tiny and neat, and he knew the shoes were far better than any he could have made. Quickly he

took down his shutters and placed the shoes in his shop window.


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Soon the door opened and in came a grand gentleman. He bought the shoes and paid four times more than the

price of an ordinary pair. With this money the shoemaker bought more leather and enough food for several

days.

That evening he sat at his

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