Bullying is EverywhereNot just Over There

Marcia M. Laviage, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Medical Staff – Texas Children’s Hospital

281-242-2595

marcylaviage@gmail.com

www.sugarbendcenter.com

OBJECTIVES

1. To define what is/is not bullying

2. To identify consequences of bullying

3. To be able to engage in effective discussion with your child whether he/she is a bully or a victim

4. To be able to address the issue with your child without panic, fear, and/or anger

What IS Bullying?

Repeated actions causing embarrassment, shame, fear, and/or anxiety

Physical, verbal, emotional/nonverbal, and/or cyber-bullying

Intentional

Involves an imbalance of power or strength

Incidents last only a few seconds

In unstructured settings (hallways, playgrounds, lunchrooms, bathrooms)

What’s NOT Bullying?

Fighting 2 children of equal skill Humiliation and harm is not an important part of the

process

Early elementary development Verbal emotional expression not yet developed Can appear aggressive Doesn’t mean will grow up to be a bully

MYTHS ABOUT BULLYING

Most bullying now happens online

Bullies are bullies and victims are victims

Bullying ends when you grow up

Bullying is a major cause of suicide

We can end bullying

Here’s the Upside…

2009 Study Steps to Respect (elementary school program) teaching

how to Recognize, Refuse, and Report bullying, be assertive, and build friendships – 31% reduction in bullying

Other reductions reported with Parent Training Increased Playground Supervision Effective Disciplinary Methods Home-and-School Communication Classroom Management Training Videos

TYPICAL BULLY CHARACTERISTICS

Average to above avg self-esteem

Strong need to dominate

Impulsive

Easily Angered

Often Defiant toward adults

Show little empathy

If boys, typically stronger than boys in general

Did You Say Higher Self-Esteem?

Children who bully more likely than peers to: Get into frequent fights Be injured in a fight Vandalize property Steal Drink alcohol Smoke Be truant/Drop out of School

TYPICAL VICTIM CHARACTERISTICS

Cautious, sensitive

Quiet, withdrawn, shy

Anxious, insecure, unhappy, LSE

Little to no friends – relate better to adults

If boys, physically weaker than their peers

BULLY VS NON-BULLY

False Dichotomy Labeling others and themselves as either a bully or a

non-bully…AT ALL TIMES

Problem – what happens when a non-bully (ie, gets good grades, participates in extracurricular activities) engages in bully behavior? Student dismisses anti-bullying messages as “not for

me.” Teachers can make same mistake – miss viewing

bullying as a problem in their schools

GIRLS and GOSSIP

905 children ages 10-14 Those rated as socially aggressive for spreading gossip or

intentionally excluding others are more popular at young end of age range

Popular 5th graders who rated high in gossip – by 9th grade, popularity and likeability were negatively correlated to gossip

BUT CAN IT BE STOPPED?

Study – recording of lunchtime chat of 78 middle-school students

When child started to gossip, others responded encouragingly 80% of the time Once this happens, others rarely disagreed

HOWEVER, IF someone countered the gossip immediately, others more likely to dissent

CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING GIRLS

Girls targeted in primary school 2 ½ times more likely to remain victims than boys

Girls directly victimized at 6 years old significantly more likely to still be a direct victim at age 10

Bullying changes over age Direct victimization to relational victimization (spreading

of gossip, withdrawal of friendships, social exclusion)

BULLY=POPULAR=LIKABLE?

Increase Popularity = Decrease Likability

Popularity = Social Influence

Popularity does not translate into who you want your child to become

SOCIAL STATUS

Research has CONFIRMED (February, 2011):

Kids intent on climbing the social ladder at school are more likely to pick on their fellow students

Status increases AggressionSTATUS

AGGRESSION

SOCIAL STATUS (cont.)

98%

Aggressive behavior peaked

Working hard to get to the top

Aggression – physical attacks, verbal harassment, rumors, ostracizing peers

Higher social status in Fall predicted higher rates of aggression in Spring

Top 2%

Did not harass peers

Little left to gain by being mean

Picking on others only made them insecure

Useful, but now what?

Reinforces new direction for anti-bullying programs

BYSTANDERS If other students allow

aggression to continue, reinforces what the bully is doing

CYBER-BULLYING

Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices…

The Cyberbullying Research Center

CYBERBULLYING (cont.)

2010 Research Study 20% experienced CB 20% engaged in CB Teenage Girls most likely

to CB (21% vs. 18%) Girls – spread rumors Boys – hurtful

pictures/videos Students who have

experienced CB, 1.5x more likely to have thoughts of suicide

2010 Study by The CB Research Center

N=4,441 Students ages 10-18

Large Southern School District

37 Schools

What Can Parents do?

Do NOT take away… FACEBOOK, MY SPACE, EMAIL, TEXT, TWITTER, AIM, IM, …

WHY? The #1 Reason teens do NOT talk to their parents? They do NOT want their computer, cell phone taken away!

BUT…

Talk about Responsible Behavior

Talk about Reporting Irresponsible Behavior

Monitor Use – Time spent online

Supervise – Gave up right to freedom when put life publicly on internet

Report Behavior Yourself (to police, school)

Websites about CB

Center for Safe & Responsible Internet Use http://csriu.org/

WiredSafety.org - http://www.wiredsafety.org/

Steps to Respect – http:community.cfchildren.org/

i-Safe America - http://www.isafe.org/

Cyberbullying Research Center http://www.cyberbullying.us

CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING

Finnish Study – 2,540 boys at age 8 then again at ages 18-23 Bullies - more likely to develop Antisocial Personality,

Substance Abuse, Depression, and Anxiety Victims – more likely to develop only Anxiety Bullies AND victims – more likely to develop Antisocial

Personality and Anxiety D/O

CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING (cont.)

University of Illinois study – 10,060 10th graders in 659 public AND private high schools

Looked at Verbal Harrassment ONLY 1 out of 5 “often put down” by peers Psychologically hostile classroom - good

students have difficulty learning; students who are behind have trouble catching up

Boys experience verbal bullying more often than girls, particularly if in private school

Smaller, private, and more affluent schools do very little to protect students from verbal abuse

CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING GIRLS

Girls targeted in primary school 2 ½ times more likely to remain victims than boys

December, 2010 Univ. of Washington 1,495 10th graders Identified link between

bullying and substance use

BULLYING

DEPRESSION

SUBSTANCE USE

CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING (cont.)

Low Self Esteem

Feelings of Fear

School phobia/absenteeism

Nightmares, Sleeplessness

Depression, Anixety

Thoughts of Suicide

WEST JORDAN, UTAH

6TH grader drafted hit list of 12 students

Months of taunting – beatings and having dog manure thrown in his face

One of the bullies grabbed the list from him and gave it to a teacher

Who got into trouble?

CAN WE GET TO THE GOOD STUFF ALREADY??

CAUSES OF BULLYING

No Single Cause

Characteristics of… Individual Family Peers School Community/Religion

All can place a child at risk

FAMILY RISK FACTORS

Overly-permissive parenting – lack of limits

Lack of Supervision

Harsh, physical discipline

Modeling of bullying behavior

Lack of warmth

Lack of parental involvement

MY CHILD…A BULLY?

Not born to bully

Combination of learned behavior and genetic pre-disposition

If they can learn it…They can unlearn it

Depends on YOU

IF SO…

Have a serious talk

Clear and consistent rules MODEL, MODEL, MODEL!!! Don’t be a bully!

Spend more time with him/her

Increase supervision with friends

Communicate with teacher

Consult

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED?

Be aware of signs Torn or missing clothing, books, items Resistance to going to school Lost interest in schoolwork/decline in grades Sad, moody when comes home after school

Communicate directly to school staff Document incidents Be collaborative, not combative

Model positive behavior Avoid putting child in position of exclusivity

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD

“What’s going on?” Who, When, Where, Why, How, How many times?

Explain cliques in terms of power/control, not friendship

Share your own memories – empathy

Brainstorm/Problem-solve

This too shall pass

HOW NOT TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD

“What did you do to aggravate him/her?”

“Just ignore him.”

“Tease/fight back.”

“Why did you handle it that way? That was a bad idea!”

“Don’t be a tattle tale.”

WHAT CAN YOU DO?Don’t Stir the Pot!

“Sugar and Spite and a Legal Mess Not Nice."

WHAT CAN THE CHILD DO?

Always tell an adult

If told an adult before with no response, tell someone else

If afraid to go alone, bring along friend/sibling Tell adult: Who, When, Where, How Long, How it

made him/her feel If adult is at school, ask them how they will help

stop the bullying

Stay in a group Less of an easy target

WHAT CAN THE CHILD DO? (cont)

Assertive, not Provocative Responses

Stand Up to the Bully Does NOT mean to FIGHT/BULLY BACK! Tell Bully (1) I don’t like it and (2) STOP, then walk away Use a calm voice Appear confident - Do NOT show distressed emotion

WHAT CAN THE SCHOOL DO?

70% teachers believed that teachers intervene “almost always” in bullying situation

25% students agreed

25% teachers see nothing wrong with bullying – intervene 4% of the time

Students describe adult intervention is Infrequent, unhelpful, more harmful 30% 3rd-8th graders say adults did little to nothing to help

SO…WHAT IS HELPFUL?

Private talk with the student being bullied

Private talk with “innocent” bystanders

Private talk with parents of both bully and victim

WHAT CAN SCHOOL DO (cont)

Train all Staff Models for respectful behavior Response is consistent

Discipline is therapeutic, not punitive Encourage reports of aggression rather than focusing on

reducing “tattling” Do NOT blame the victim – send clear message to bully

that he/she is fully responsible for actions

What Works in Schools?

School-Wide environment that discourages bullying

Student survey

Training to recognize and respond to bullying

Development of consistent rules against bullying

Review and enhancement of school’s disciplinary code related to bullying behavior

What Works in Schools?

Classroom activities to discuss issues related to bullying

Integration of bullying prevention themes across the curriculum

Involvement of parents in bullying prevention

WHAT DOES NOT WORK?

Forced apologies

Zero tolerance policies

Conflict Resolution/Peer Mediation NOT a conflict!; its victimization NO negotiation

Group Treatment for Bullies Feed off one another

WE MUST WORK TOGETHER

PARENTS

SCHOOLSSTUDENTS

Q & A

RESOURCES

Olweus Bullying Prevention Program www.clemson.edu/olweus

Stop Bullying Now – HRSA www.stopbullyingnow.com

Back Off Bully – Stuart Twemlow, MD www.backoffbully.com

SAMHSA www.samhsa.gov/library/searchreal.aspx (use search

to find bullying)