Building Self-Esteem in Your Children - Solution Talk · ‘Building Children’s Self-Esteem’...

Building Self-Esteem in Your Children

Promoting confidence, resilience, and well-being

John Sharrywww.solutiontalk.ie

/SolutionTalk @JohnSharryIRL

New Book

Parenting - An important note

THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO BRING UP CHILDREN What matters is finding a way that works for you, your children and your family.

BE CAREFUL ABOUT PARENTING EXPERTSTrust your own intuition and test ideas in your own

experience.


Parents Plus Programmes Evidence-based, practical parenting courses

Early Years Programme (1-6 year olds)John Sharry, Grainne Hampson, Mary Fanning

Early Years Programme (6-11 year olds) John Sharry, Carol Fitzpatrick

Adolescents Programme(11–16 year olds) John Sharry, Carol Fitzpatrick

Parenting When Separated Programme John Sharry, Michelle Murphy, Adele Keating

What is Good Self-Esteem?

Common Belief about Self Esteem

Children who feel good about themselves and who have good self-esteem will act responsibly and do the right thing.

When it is in fact the other way round….


True Source of Self EsteemChildren who learn to act responsibly and do the right thing will, as a result, feel good about themselves and have good self-esteem.


What values lead to the most happiness?Six Universal Character Strengths associated with happiness

1. Wisdom and Knowledge2. Courage3. Love and Humanity4. Justice5. Temperance6. Spirituality

Six values (vices?) promoted by society

1. Attractiveness 2. Competitiveness3. Self-‐‑Esteem4. Confidence5. Wealth6. Ambition

Encouraging Character Strengths

Praise/ Encourage children any time they • Show good judgement or insight • Display bravery or courage in the face of challenge• Are compassionate and kind to others • Stand up for someone weaker than them and show real fairness• Are able to work hard at something and to wait until they get a just reward

1. Discover your children’s strengths and talents2. Love your children uniquely3. Encourage your children’s potential4. Teach skill mastery and responsibility5. Help your children contribute socially

Bringing up Happy Confident Children 5 Practical Principles


Principle 1‘Discover your Child’s Unique

Strengths, Talents and Passions’

Multiple Intelligences Howard Gardner

1. Linguistic2. Visual/ Spatial3. Logical-mathematical4. Bodily-kinesthetic5. Musical6. Interpersonal7. Intrapersonal8. Naturalistic


Areas your child might have a talent for…

School subjects: maths, languages, home economics, art, woodwork

Team Sports: soccer, GAA, cricket, rugby Individual sports: tennis, athletics, martial arts, golf

Music/ Performance: singing, dancing, acting, musicals

Creative: crafts, art, painting, crochet,, printingCaring for animals: taking neighbours’ dogs for walksCaring for others: looking after children, visiting an elderlyHome: cooking, baking, gardening, decorating, DIY


Areas your child might have a talent for… part 2

Games: quizzes, jigsaws, puzzles, chess

Outdoor:managing a vegetable patch, hill walking

Social: brownies, scouts, youth clubs

Community: town projects, volunteering

Political: youth citizenship, joining a campaign, children’s parliament

Entrepreneurial: bake sale for charity, setting up a project/‘business’ with other children

Communication: joining a debating society, setting up children’s newsletter/website, contributing to school magazine John Sharry

www.solutiontalk.ie

Reflection

Thinking of each of your children individually…

What are their talents and area of strength?

What are their special interests/ passions?


Take a moment to chat with person beside you, what has struck you so far from ideas?

Principle 2

‘Love your children uniquely’

Making a Unique

Connection with each

of your Children

Making a Unique ConnectionWhen do you make a connection with your child/ teenager?

When in the day do you enjoy being with them?

When do you have the best chats?John Sharry

www.solutiontalk.ie

When you have more than one child…Making a Unique Connection


ReflectionThinking of each of your children individually…

What do you enjoy/ love about them uniquely?

When do you make a connection with them/ have the best chats?



Principle 3 ‘Switch from Criticism to Encouragement’

Encouragement or Criticism

Which is more effective encouragement or criticism?

When should you criticise a child?


Criticism Cycle

Parent notices what child is doing wrong

Parent corrects or criticises

Child can feel defensive or undermined

Parent in critical role

Parent/ ChildRelationship can suffer

Negative perception


Positive Encouragement CycleParent notices what child is doing right

Parent specifically praises

Child enjoys praise

Parent feels good

Parent-ChildRelationship improves

Positive perception


5 Types of Encouragement

1. Acknowledging Feelings2. Focusing on what is right, what is done well3. Stating a positive goal or intention4. Listening to your child’s positive intention5. Expressing positive belief


Becoming an encouraging parent

Critical Parent

Why do you always make a mountain out of a molehill?

Encouraging ParentI know you want to get everything

just right … just take your time.

That is the wrong place to put it

Why are you always late starting your homework?

Why are you so aggressive with your brother?

Why didn’t you pick the blue block?

Oh you got your books out, that is a start.

Put it here?/Let me show you.

I know you can get on with your brother.

Oh you picked the green block, you like green.

Your Child’s Positive Qualities• Idealistic• Great sense of humour• Caring towards his grandmother• Good with younger kids• Has great energy• Keeps me young • Quiet and deep thinker • Chatting at mealtimes

/bedtime

• Always gives an opinion • Challenges my ideas• More free/ less inhibited than

me• Great spirit and drive• Has good friends• Very chatty with people• Sensitive to peoples feelings


Reflection

Thinking of each of your children individually…

What do you really enjoy or appreciate about them?

Think of how you might tell them this?



Principle 4

‘Encourage Responsibility and Skill Mastery’

Encouraging Responsibility

Don’t do for a child anything that they can do for themselves

• Skill mastery in everyday chores & activities is a big source of self-‐‑esteem

• Much conflict is caused by parents taking too much responsibility for children


Encouraging Responsibility1. What chores/ responsibilities do your children

currently have?

2. What responsibilities could you handover to them?

3. How could you teach them these chores/skills in a fun empowering way?


Tasks to teach your child

Choosing their own clothes Getting up in the morningWashing-up/ IroningMowing the grassPainting a roomPaying billsLocking doors at nightCooking mealsCleaning the house

Weekly household shoppingWashing clothes Changing the oil in the car Mending an electric fuseWiring an electric plugCaring for a younger childCleaning the windowsPlanting flowers and vegetablesMaking their own life decisions

Others...................................

What chores/ responsibilities do your children currently have?What responsibilities could you handover to them?


ReflectionThinking of each of your children individually…

1. What chores/ responsibilities do your children currently have?

2. What responsibilities could you handover to them?

3. How could you teach them these chores/skills in a fun empowering way?



Principle 5 ‘Encourage Social Contribution’

Encourage your children to contribute socially

• Help your children think of ways they can help others and become involved in socially meaningful activities.

• Establish family rituals such as visiting sick or elderly neighbours or supporting charities at Christmas that your children can become involved in from an early age.


1. Build Children’s Character Strengths2. Love your Children Uniquely.3. Discover your Children’s Strengths and Talents.4. Encourage your Children’s Potential.5. Teach Skill Mastery and Responsibility.6. Help your Children Contribute Socially.

SUMMARYBringing up Happy Confident Children


New Book

/SolutionTalk @JohnSharryIRL

/SolutionTalk

@JohnSharryIRL

‘Building Children’s Self-Esteem’ TalkKilkenny: Monday 20th MarchDublin: Wednesday 10th May, Tara Towers Hotel

‘Parenting 3-9 year olds’ Course Cork: Saturday 1st AprilDublin: Autumn 2017

www.solutiontalk.ie

Building Self-Esteem in Your Children - Solution Talk · ‘Building Children’s Self-Esteem’...

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