MBA IV(Behavioral Science)

MODULE 1

What Are the Big Five Dimensions of Personality?

Personality researchers have proposed that there are five basic dimensions of personality.

Today, many contemporary personality psychologists believe that there are five basic dimensions of personality, often referred to as the "Big 5" personality traits. Previous trait theorist had suggested a various number of possible traits, includingGordon Allport's list of 4,000 personality traits, Raymond Cattell's 16 personality factors and Hans Eysenck's three-factor theory.

However, many researchers felt that Cattell's theory was too complex and Eysenck's was too limited in scope. As a result, the five-factor theory emerged to describe the basic traits that serve as the building blocks of personality.

What Are the Big Five Dimensions of Personality?

Today, many researchers believe that they are five core personality traits. Evidence of this theory has been growing over the past 50 years, beginning with the research of D. W. Fiske (1949) and later expanded upon by other researchers including Norman (1967), Smith (1967), Goldberg (1981), and McCrae & Costa (1987).

The "big five" are broad categories of personality traits. While there is a significant body of literature supporting this five-factor model of personality, researchers don't always agree on the exact labels for each dimension. However, these five categories are usually described as follows:1. Extraversion : This trait includes characteristics such as excitability, sociability,

talkativeness, assertiveness and high amounts of emotional expressiveness.

2. Agreeableness: This personality dimension includes attributes such as trust, altruism, kindness, affection, and other prosocial behaviors.

3. Conscientiousness: Common features of this dimension include high levels of thoughtfulness, with good impulse control and goal-directed behaviors. Those high in conscientiousness tend to be organized and mindful of details.

4. Neuroticism: Individuals high in this trait tend to experience emotional instability, anxiety, moodiness, irritability, and sadness.

5. Openness: This trait features characteristics such as imagination and insight, and those high in this trait also tend to have a broad range of interests.

It is important to note that each of the five personality factors represents a range between two extremes. For example, extraversion represents a continuum between extreme extraversion and extreme introversion. In the real world, most people lie somewhere in between the two polar ends of each dimension.What is the socialization process?          Socialization is the process by which children and adults learn from others. We begin learning from others during the early days of life; and most people continue their social learning all through life (unless some mental or physical disability slows or stops the learning process). Sometimes the learning is fun, as when we learn a new sport, art or musical technique from a friend we like. At other times, social learning is painful, as when we learn not to drive too fast by receiving a large fine for speeding.

        Natural socialization occurs when infants and youngsters explore, play and discover the social world around them. Planned socialization occurs when other people take actions designed to teach or train others -- from infancy on. Natural socialization is easily seen when looking at the young of almost any mammalian species (and some birds). Planned socialization is mostly a human phenomenon; and all through history, people have been making plans for teaching or training others. Both natural and planned socialization can have good and bad features: It is wise to learn the best features of both natural and planned socialization and weave them into our lives.

        Positive socialization is the type of social learning that is based on pleasurable and exciting experiences. We tend to like the people who fill our social learning processes with positive motivation, loving care, and rewarding opportunities. Negative socialization occurs when others use punishment, harsh criticisms or anger to try to "teach us a lesson;" and often we come to dislike both negative socialization and the people who impose it on us.

          There are all types of mixes of positive and negative socialization; and the more positive social learning experiences we have, the happier we tend to be -- especially if we learn useful information that helps us cope well with the challenges of life. A high ratio of negative to positive socialization can make a person unhappy, defeated or pessimistic about life. One of the goals of Soc 142 is to show people how to increase the ratio of positive to negative in the socialization they receive from others -- and that they give to others. [Some people will defend negative socialization, since painful training can prepare people to be ready to fight and die in battle, put themselves at great risk in order to save others, endure torture and hardship. This is true; but many people receive far more negative socialization than they need, and hopefully fewer and fewer people will need to be trained for battle, torture and hardship.]

          Soc 142 shows that positive socialization, coupled with valuable information about life and the skills needed to live well, can be a powerful tool for promoting human development. We all have an enormous human potential, and we all could develop a large portion of it if we had the encouragement that comes from positive socialization and the wisdom that comes from

valuable information about living. Information about both natural and planned socialization can be especially useful.

          Our prior socialization helps explain a gigantic chunk of who we are at present -- what we think and feel, where we plan to go in life. But we are not limited by the things given to us by our prior social learning experiences; we can take all our remaining days and steer our future social learning in directions that we value. The more that we know about the socialization process, the more effective we can be in directing our future learning in the ways that will help us most.

          Because we were not able to select our parents, we were not able to control much of the first 10 or 20 years of our socialization. However, most people learn to influence their own socialization as they gain experience in life. It takes special skills to steer and direct our own socialization, and many of us pick up some of those skills naturally as we go through life. Having a course on socialization can help us understand which skills are most effective in guiding our socialization toward the goals we most value.

          It is important to know that we all come into life with a variety of psychology systems that foster self-actualization and favor the development of our human potential. These are the biosocial mechanisms that underlie natural socialization. We can see and study natural socialization by examining the socialization of primates and other mammals. Once we under the natural biosocial processes, we can try to build strategies of self-actualization that are compatible with the natural biosocial mechanisms we are born with to make self-development as easy and rewarding as possible.

          Soc 142 shows how the natural self-actualization systems operate in everyday life so we can create as many good social experiences as possible. The study of behavior principles in everyday life is crucial to this, and that is why John and Janice Baldwin wrote a book with that name. If we understand the ways to create positive socialization experiences, we can take our human potential and develop the happy and creative sides of that potential. If we had too much negative socialization in the past and have learned to be too sad or inhibited, knowledge about positive socialization can help minimize some of the pain and allow us to build toward a more positive and creative future.  

          The goal of Soc 142 is to help you learn how to be most effective in directing your own socialization and self-actualization processes toward the goals that you value most. Special attention will be paid to exploration, play, creativity, wisdom, and positive reinforcement -- five centrally important aspects of positive socialization.

Patriotism is showing pride of your country because if you are proud of you country and respect the law then you are showing pride of your country. Patriotism is a nationalist feeling of pride in or support for your country. It manifests itself in many forms, both small and large. While some people regard patriotism as a sort of civic virtue, others consider it a dangerous way of thinking. That difference of opinion reflects the diverse ways in which patriotism can impact society.

National Pride

One effect of patriotism is its creation of a sense of national pride. Individuals take pride in their country, its history and its culture. They see themselves as part of a nation and identify positively with it. National pride is often expressed symbolically; in the U.S., familiar patriotic symbols such as the bald eagle and the flag serve this purpose.

Unity

Patriotism often has the effect of promoting national unity. A patriotic society sees itself as a single unit with common, national goals. Commentators frequently described the sense of unity that emerged from the groundswell of patriotism following the September 11 attacks. Patriotism also was closely linked with the unified spirit Americans had following the country's entry into World War II.

Obedience

A patriotic society tends to be more obedient than rebellious. Patriotic individuals tend to have greater faith in the government and its leaders. Patriotism often instills a sense of national duty, which can lead to enlistment in the armed forces or some other position of perceived public service. Historically, political figures have seized on patriotic sentiment to compel obedience to some mission. In World War I, for example, patriotic attitudes had a repressive effect on opposition to the war and made the citizenry more eager to obey.

Conformity

Patriotism can also have the effect of inducing conformist attitudes among a populace. Extreme patriotism makes criticism less acceptable, even taboo. This has a chilling effect on the free exchange of ideas and public discourse, which encourages a more narrow-minded thinking that is less open to critical ideas about a nation. Following the September 11 attacks, a number of journalists and editors were removed from their positions for making comments critical of the president or U.S. policy, in part because the upsurge of patriotism made people less tolerant of controversial views.

managing diversity

Definition

The management and leadership of a workforce with the goal of encouraging productive and

mutually beneficial interactions among the employees of an organization. Managing

diversity aims at providing employees with backgrounds, needs, and skill sets that may vary

widely with the opportunity to engage with the company and their co-workers in a manner

that produces an optimal work environment and the best possible business results for the

company.

How to Manage Diversity in a WorkplaceDiversity in the workplace means bringing together people of different ethnic backgrounds, religions and age groups into a cohesive and productive unit. Advances in communication

technology, such as the Internet and cellular phones, have made the marketplace a more global concept. In order to survive, a company needs to be able to manage and utilize its diverse workplace effectively. Managing diversity in the workplace should be a part of the culture of the entire organization.Sponsored Link

Step 1Confirm that all of your personnel policies from hiring to promotions and raises are based on employee performance. Avoid allowing tenure, ethnic background or any other kind of category into your human resources policies. Managing a diverse workplace begins with strong policies of equality from the company. Once these policies are in place, the company can begin implementing diversity measures throughout the entire organization.Step 2Rate the qualifications of the candidate based on the quality of his experience, not age or any other category, when hiring. When you hire a diverse but qualified workforce, you are on the right track towards being able to manage the diversity in your company.Step 3Encourage diversity when creating teams and special work groups within the company. If a manager creates a work group that does not utilize the skills of the most qualified employees, then insist that the group be changed to include all qualified staff members.Step 4Treat complaints of favoritism or discrimination seriously. Encourage employees to report all instances of discriminatory behavior, and have a definitive process in place for investigating and dealing with these issues.Step 5Hold quarterly trainings for the entire staff on the benefits of diversity in the workplace. Encourage discussions at these meetings on how the company can better manage workplace diversity.Importance of Managing Diversity

Managers can help guide diversity and inclusion in organizations, from hiring practices to communication and career development practices.

Operating Globally

Global businesses demand management that can work in a diverse environment.

Because of the challenges individuals sometimes have in incorporating diverse perspectives in

group settings, it is important that managers manage diversity in the workplace. A manager can

help guide these differences to the benefit of innovation and inclusion in the organization.

Human resource managers are often tasked with managing many aspects of diversity in

organizations, but project managers and other managers with whom employees directly work or

to whom they directly report can also guide inclusion practices.

Stereotypes may affect the performance of a team, limiting employees’ contributions to the areas

are seen as typical to persons in the given stereotypical category. To address this issue, managers

can mix teams, monitor all members’ progress, and allow individuals to self-select for roles.

Diversity training is another way that managers and other employees can manage diversity in the

workplace. Diversity training has the purpose of increasing participants' cultural awareness,

knowledge, and skills.

diverse 

Consisting of many different elements; various.

stereotype 

A conventional, formulaic, and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image.

Because of the challenges individuals sometimes have in incorporating diverse perspectives in

group settings, managing diversity in the workplace is essential. A team or organization’s

diversity can include diversity across religion, sex, age, and race, but can also include diversity

across work skills or personality types. All of these differences can affect team interactions and

performance. Global businesses demand management that can work in a diverse environment.

Figure 0

Diversity is beneficial to both the organization and the members of the company or organization.

Diversity brings substantial potential benefits, such as better decision making and improved

problem solving; greater creativity and innovation, which leads to enhanced product

development; and more successful marketing to different types of customers. Diversity provides

organizations with the ability to compete in global markets.

A manager can help guide these differences to the benefit of innovation and inclusion in the

organization. This includes not only hiring practices but also communication and career

development practices over the course of an employee’s career with a firm. Human Resources

(HR) is often tasked with managing many aspects of diversity in organizations, including the

attraction, selection, training, assessment, and reward of employees, but project managers and

other managers with whom employees directly work or to whom they directly report can also

guide inclusion practices. The process of inclusion engages each individual and makes people

feeling important to the success of the organization.

For example, stereotypes may affect the performance of a team. A person may be misunderstood

early in an interaction. Contributions may be limited and specific strengths or talents may be

overlooked because they do not seem prominent in the given stereotypical category. On the other

hand, poor performance can be overlooked in an individual because they belong to a

stereotypically desirable group. Managers can combat this by mixing teams, creating smaller

mixed teams for subtasks, monitoring all team members’ progress, and allowing individuals to

volunteer for roles rather than being cast into their default role, as defined by their stereotypical

category.

Diversity training is another way that managers and other employees can manage diversity in the

workplace. Diversity training is training for the purpose of increasing participants' cultural

awareness, knowledge, and skills, which is based on the assumption that the training will benefit

an organization by protecting against civil rights violations, increasing the inclusion of different

identity groups, and promoting better teamwork.

MODULE II

Excellence is a talent or quality which is unusually good and so surpasses ordinary standards. It is also used as a standard of performance.

Personal Excellence Comes First

What is Personal Excellence?Personal excellence isn’t just one skill.  It’s all the mental resources that go together to help you handle problems.  Here are a few questions you can use to measure yourself:

Do you procrastinate?

When you make a commitment, do you stick with it?

How hard is it to motivate yourself?

Could you give up something you enjoy for one month?

Could you give up something permanently if it conflicted with your goals?

Could you halve your spending if forced to?

Are you able to do what is most important first?

Does your emotional state frequently prevent you from getting work done?

Can you handle stress?

Personal excellence is extremely important to me because I feel it reflects on everything I try to do.  If I’m weak with a personal skill, any other goal will be difficult to tackle.  External problems can usually be avoided by someone with personal excellence.  But almost nothing can be done if you aren’t in control of yourself.I once heard that most lottery winners have spent the entirety of their winnings in five years.  I think this proves that wealth isn’t about money: it’s about personal excellence.  Unless you’ve built wealth on the inside, any money you find will probably slip through your fingers.Dimensions of Personal ExcellenceI try to always be pushing myself in at least one dimension of personal excellence.  It’s like a muscle, so if I’m not improving, I’m probably growing weak.DisciplineDiscipline is at the core of personal excellence.  About half of the questions I asked at the beginning of this article are rooted in discipline.  If you don’t know how to push yourself through temporary discomfort, you’ll be derailed every time there is a bump in the road.The best way to improve discipline is to face difficult, but manageable, situations.  Exercising is a good way to push your discipline levels up.  Thirty day trials are also a good test of your self discipline.  I know I’m letting this dimension weaken if I have trouble getting through thirty consecutive days of a new habit.

Discipline is important for personal excellence, but it should be the last skill to use, not the first.  If you’re constantly having to drag yourself to do everything, you won’t last long.  That’s why it’s important to build the other aspects of personal skill.Emotional ControlEmotional control does not mean you should strive to be stoic and unfeeling.  Strong emotions are important for personal excellence too.  Being able to motivate yourself and build enthusiasm are components of emotional control.Emotional control comes in two aspects: self-awareness of what emotional state is appropriate and the ability to change that state.  Building emotional control starts with building self-awareness.  Realize when you’re lazy, angry, energetic or depressed and ask yourself whether it’s the best perspective for dealing with a problem.Once you have self-awareness, you can find the triggers you need to change your state.  People change moods all the time, you just need to realize what causes you to change states and activate it when you need it.  When I’m trying to motivate myself, a big help is being organized.  Decluttering is a tool I use to motivate myself to do other things.AttitudeA positive attitude does not mean you think things are going great all the time.  That’s being stupid.  When things are going poorly, you need to be able to recognize and fix what’s happening immediately.A positive attitude, in the realm of personal excellence, means that you don’t let negative information shut you down.  Someone with a positive attitude can take verbal abuse from someone, and turn it into fuel for improvement.  Alchemy is the heart of a great attitude, being able to transmute the negative feedback from your environment into new solutions.CourageFear is your friend.  Fear tells you to work when others are lazy.  Fear tells you secure yourself when others are gambling.  The first way to overcome your fears is to realize they serve a very good purpose in focusing you.Courage, of course, isn’t the lack of fear.  It’s being able to realize your terrified but stand up anyways.  People with personal excellence know how to make their fears work for them.  Fear can be a powerful motivating force if you know how to channel it, and are able to override it when necessary.CalmnessThe best sign of personal excellence is that a person has grace when handling problems.  If regular stresses cause a nervous breakdown, you don’t have personal excellence.  The scaffolding that supports your inner mental life, should be strong enough that when a hurricane comes through it, you don’t collapse.I’ve found that knowing what to focus on in situations makes a big difference to your mental calmness.  Stress usually results, not from the actual workload or pressures (although exhaustion can happen), but from the way you focus on that information.  A huge to-do list can be handled one item at a time, not as an impossible mountain of tasks.Building Personal Excellence FirstTrying to fix external problems without building personal excellence is like putting a band-aid over a leaky pipe.  You might stop the water for a few minutes, but you’ve only masked the real problem.

Personal excellence is similar to athletic training.  Although you might get some conditioning just by playing the game, the best athletes practice.  Here are some ways to start building personal excellence:

1. Get in shape.  If you aren’t already eating healthy and exercising, start.  The problem isn’t having enough time, it’s having enough discipline.

2. Give up television.  Switch to entertainment that requires more effort, and read a book instead of watching reruns.  There is value in books, and there is also value in doing something more difficult, but more rewarding.

3. Wake up earlier.  Yes, I like to sleep in too.  But every day you can push yourself to wake up earlier, you earn more control to do other things that are important to you.

4. Speak in public.  Get booed a few times too.  A good test of personal excellence is to be able to swallow the unfiltered, face-to-face reactions of a few dozen people and still keep going.

5. Follow a budget.  Try cutting your spending for a month, and following a strict budget.  The exercise isn’t just to save money, it’s to test yourself to see the limits of what you’re able to do.

You’re square one.  If you start there, the rest is easy

How to Prioritize between Long-Term Goals and Short-Term Goals

Goals, both long-term and short-term, motivate us to be focused and productive. However, there comes a time when prioritizing between long term and short term goals seem like a daunting task. This is especially true for work-at-home mothers who usually have their hands full almost all the time. Thus, learning how to prioritize goals properly is an important skill that will help you become a successful work at home mom. Prioritizing goals must start with identifying your long-term and short-term goals.

What are Short-Term and Long-Term Goals?

Short-term goals are those that you can realize in the near future, such as in a day, within the week or even a few months. Examples of short-term goals include finishing a pending project at work or getting done with shopping for the holidays.

Meanwhile, long-term goals are the ones that you plan to achieve over a longer period of time such as over a year, 5 years or more. Long-term goals are usually those that are meaningful give you a sense of greater purpose. An example of a long-term goal is finally starting the home-based business of your dreams.

A problem with long-term goals is that they are usually far off in the future and it will take a long time before they are achieved. As a result, staying focused on long-term goals can be challenging.

The Importance of having Short-Term and Long-Term Goals

It is important to maintain a balance between short-term and long-term goals. Have at least one short-term goal and one long-term goal at any given time. Having long-term goals is necessary

but always keep in mind that you will need time before you can achieve them. It's easy to become discouraged on your long-term goals if you have no short-term goals to provide you with a sense of accomplishment.

Meanwhile, having only short-term goals and no long-term goals is not healthy either. Without a long-term goal to give you a clear focus on the future, achieved short-term goals doesn't add up to much. Having a long-term goal helps eases the burden of a tedious task while you are accomplishing a short-term goal by reminding you that there is a greater purpose.

How to Prioritize Goals

A good way to prioritize goals is to set long term goals first. This will give you a sense of direction and purpose. After you have identified and set your long-term goal, you can start making short-term goals that relate to your long-term goals. Short-term goals serve as stepping-stones towards achieving your long-term goals. They are simpler and easier to accomplish than long-term goals.

Achieving short-term goals gives you a sense of accomplishment that will help motivate you to pursue your other goals. By setting and focusing on these short-term goals and realizing them, you build momentum towards achieving your long-term plans.

Before you start setting your goals, take a few moments to list down the things that matter most to you. Writing down your goals help solidify them in your mind. Most importantly, never forget to reward yourself whenever you achieve success in any of your goals.

Setting Goals: Long Term and Short Term Goals

One of the key ingredients for successfully managing your time is identifying your goals. Goals are what will keep you motivated and

focused – both essential to being productive.

What do goals have to do with time management?

When you have determined where you want your life to be in one year – or five – or even 20, it will have an impact on what you do TODAY. A person who dreams of being a lawyer will not have much success obtaining that goal if they don’t first make the time to fit studying and school into their schedule today.

Many long term goals will have short term goals that lead to them. Not only does this make practical sense (ie: getting accepted to University is a shorter term goal than becoming a partner in a law firm) but it also helps you from becoming overwhelmed or loosing sight of your goals.

If you are trying to manage your time it is because you recognize that there is a limited supply and it is all valuable. While responsibilities at work and home may be what dictates how you plan your day, shouldn’t all (or most) of this time work in harmony with your goals? This may mean some big changes, or it may just mean adjusting some things in your routine.

When you start planning your time with a goal in mind it is easier to appreciate the benefits of what you are doing and prevents you from getting caught up in time wasters – activities that use up your time but are ultimately unprofitable either in money or your personal life.

 

Choosing Goals Wisely

If you are currently making $5/hour and can’t cover your bills you may decide that your goal needs to be making more money. Take some time to figure out exactly what you’d like to be doing with your life. Acknowledge that this may mean spending time getting an education rather than taking on another low paying job which will fill your financial needs but keep you in a cycle of working endless hours to make the money you need.

Or maybe you find your work time is eating into the time you want to spend with your family. That family will grow and move away so what you do to make more time for them is important NOW. Identifying these goals will help you make decisions to make better use of your time.

 

Setting Long Term Goals

Before you say "my goal is to retire to the Caribbean" it is important to take stock and analyze your situation from a different perspective. While you may truly be able to retire to the Caribbean, HOW will you do that? A new job? A higher income? Less responsibilities?

Long term goals are excellent motivators. They help you see beyond today’s work and remind you that there is a greater purpose for the time you are spending today. If you find a task tedious you should think about how doing it fits into your goals. Making your daily tasks become choices can ease some of the burden because we are in control of our day rather than having it control us.

On the other hand, if we realize many of the time consuming activities we do have no bearing on reaching our goals perhaps we have to take them out or at least reduce the time we spend on them.

Your long term goal may be to spend more time with your family. Make your goal specific and give it a date to be accomplished. Perhaps you determine to work part time. Write down the date this will take effect and put it on your calendar. It may be that you anticipate it will take two years to achieve this goal. Pick a date and put it where you can see it every day.

Setting Short Term Goals

Your short term goals will relate to your long term goal.

Continuing with our illustration of working part time you may decide that you must first complete certain projects you have already committed to. You will also need to be more selective about what assignments you can handle or need to ask for an assistant so you can focus on the main business and get help with minor tasks.

You may set a date to stop working overtime. You may set a date to ask for contract work instead of salary. You should plan activities that are spent with family and no work interruptions. Whatever your goals they should be clear steps to achieving your long term goal: spending more time with family.

These short term goals will help you measure your progress towards your long term goal. They will shape how you plan your time and clarify the VALUE of your time. Make your goals specific and give them a date to be completed.

6 Steps to Creating Achievable Goals:

With every goal you must follow the 6 P’s:

Prioritize: You may have several goals. Prioritize them on your list.

Positive: Use positive language. "I will …", "I’ll be…", "I’ll have…"

Precise: Be precise. "I will have supper with my family three nights a week"rather than "I will be home earlier"

Performance: Measure your performance. Set time for starting and completing your goal. "May 1 – I will be home at 5:30 three nights this week"

Practical: Make your goals practical. Do you have the control to make this work or do you rely on other people to meet your goal?

Personal: Is this goal a personal goal or someone else’s desire for you?

Time management is easier when you can motivate yourself and judge the value of your time. If your goals are based on someone else’s desires (if your mate wants you to work in a steady job but you want to be self-employed) you will find it difficult to manage your time due to lack of motivation.

Creating an Action Plan

Your action plan will have a great deal to do with your day to day scheduling.

Now that you have made yourself conscious of where you are headed (long term goal) and have set up guide posts (short term goals) it will merely mean implementing an action plan to get your time on track.

Use your short term goals to implement your action plan. If you are not making radical changes but are just trying to take the stress out of your day you will find the time you took to think about your goals may be enough to keep your priorities in order.

If you find that you need to refocus on your goals you will need to give each short term goal a date to start or complete – write it down.

Within the time frame of the goal write down the actions that need to be taken to realize the goal. If you have discovered from the exercises above that you need to hire an assistant this may mean putting out an ad, reviewing resumes, conducting interviews, hiring and training. Each task must be assigned a time to complete.

The action plan combined with a focus on goals will help you appreciate the overall effects of valuing your time. In this example you will realize that even though you may need to use MORE time this month by interviewing and training an assistant – your GOAL to spend less time on minor tasks is being accomplished. At this point your time is valued comparative to your goal. In a month you will be spending less time with minor matters even if it requires more work at the early stage.

Resources

Part of your Action Plan should include a summary of the resources you need to meet your goals. An assistant is a resource, more education is a resource, a supportive mate is a resource. List the resources you need to obtain and include them in your action plan – when will you get them and how will they be obtained?

Review and Update

While writing goals down is an effective tool for managing your time you will still need to

review and update them occasionally. Perhaps you encounter an unexpected obstacle on your

way to meeting your long term goal. Reassess and determine if you can adapt your action plan. If

you cannot adapt your plan you will need to consider why the plan went off course – did you

have less power to control the situation than you thought? Were you unaware of some of the

resources you would need and their cost or time obligations?

Understanding yourself provides the foundation for taking self-determined actions. It is a key to success. To know yourself means to be aware of strengths, weaknesses, needs, In studies of childhood risks and adversities it has been found that young people can minimize the effects of disabilities and other risk factors by “learning to see one’s adversities in a new light” (Katz, 1997). Successful individuals who overcome adversities are often able to define themselves more around their multiple talents than around their areas of vulnerability. Being able to show their talents and have them valued by those who are important to them helps them define their identities around that which they do best. It has even been found that children’s perceptions of

their competence are stronger predictors of behavior and achievement than objective measures of their capabilities (Phillips & Zimmerman, 1990) interests and preferences. Self-awareness is essential for developing goals that reflect personal desires and for making informed decisions. Valuing yourself leads to positive self-esteem. The belief that you are part of something larger and more enduring than daily struggles can provide the strength required to persevere when life presents its inevitable challenges.

You can help young people gain an understanding of their abilities and disabilities and then learn to play to their strengths. This knowledge and skill can contribute to a successful life. For example, one successful college student who had a stroke at a young How society labels individuals with disabilities as a group can also have an impact on how young people with disabilities view themselves. Responding to labels can test self-identity and self-value. Mentors can play a key role in shaping the self-perceptions of young people.

People with disabilities who consider themselves successful generally accept their disabilities as one aspect of who they are. They do not define themselves by their disabilities. They recognize that they are not responsible for their disabilities, and they know that they are not inherently impaired. They do not blame others for their situation, nor do they have a sense of entitlement.

Instead, they take responsibility for their own happiness and future. After completing the online activities in this chapter, young people will reach a greater understanding of their abilities and disabilities. These exercises will help students to know their strengths and weaknesses. understand their rights and responsibilities. know that their disabilities do not define them as individuals and have a limited impact on their lives. define their self-worth in terms other than the stereotypes of others. have high self-esteem. know their lives have meaning. make positive contributions to their families, schools, and communities

MODULE III

Career planning is an ongoing process that can help you manage your learning and development. 

You can use the four step planning process whether you are:

still at school;

a school leaver;

an adult adding on skills; or

an adult changing your job or career. 

Career planning is the continuous process of:

thinking about your interests, values, skills and preferences;

exploring the life, work and learning options available to you;

ensuring that your work fits with your personal circumstances; and 

continuously fine-tuning your work and learning plans to help you manage the changes in your life and the world of work. 

You can revisit and make use of this process all the way through your career.

Start at the step that is most relevant for you now.  

The career planning process has four steps:

Step 1: knowing yourself 

Step 2: finding out 

Step 3: making decisions 

Step 4: taking actionStep 1: knowing yourself

Begin by thinking about where you are now, where you want to be and how you’re going to get

there. 

Once you have thought about where you are at now and where you want to be, you can work on

getting to know your skills, interests and values. 

Begin by asking yourself the following questions:

Where am I at now?

Where do I want to be?

What do I want out of a job or career?

What do I like to do?

What are my strengths?

What is important to me?

At the end of this step you will have a clearer idea of your work or learning goal and your

individual preferences. You can use this information about yourself as your personal ‘wish list’

against which you can compare all the information you gather in Step 2: finding out.  Your

personal preferences are very useful for helping you choose your best option at this point in time,

which you can do in Step 3: making decisions.  

Step 2: finding out

This step is about exploring the occupations and learning areas that interest you. Once you have

some idea of your occupational preferences you can research the specific skills and qualifications

required for those occupations.

Explore occupations that interest you and ask yourself how do my skills and interests match up with these occupations?

Where are the gaps?

What options do I have to gain these skills or qualify for these occupations? 

What skills do I need?

Where is the work?

At the end of this step you will have a list of preferred occupations and/or learning options.  

Step 3: making decisions

This step involves comparing your options, narrowing down your choices and thinking about

what suits you best at this point in time.  

Ask yourself:

What are my best work/training options?

How do they match with my skills, interests and values?

How do they fit with the current labour market?

How do they fit with my current situation and responsibilities?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of each option?

What will help and what will hinder me?

What can I do about it?

At the end of this step you will have narrowed down your options and have more of an idea of

what you need to do next to help you achieve your goals.

Step 4: taking action

Here you plan the steps you need to take to put your plan into action. 

Use all you have learnt about your skills, interests and values together with the information you

have gathered about the world of work to create your plan. 

Begin by asking yourself:

What actions/steps will help me achieve my work, training and career goals?

Where can I get help?

Who will support me?

At the end of this step you will have:

a plan to help you explore your options further (eg work experience, work shadowing or more research); or

a plan which sets out the steps to help you achieve your next learning or work goal. 

Decide which step is relevant for you right now and start from there. 

What is career planning?

Career planning steps you through the process of:

Choosing a career that suits your interests and abilities Deciding the best way to pursue it Taking the necessary action

Just like any plan, it provides a more formal way of thinking about your future by writing down a proposed way forward and periodically revisiting your plan to see how you're tracking.

A career plan involves:

Identifying your skills, goals and interests and matching them to a job, course or training program

Researching the range and type of jobs that fit your skills and interests Developing a strategy to find work or pursue training in your chosen field Carrying out your plan

A career plan is not set in stone and should grow and change as you do.

How do I create and action a career plan?

Online career planning resourcesWe've profiled some websites (see the 'Career planning links' below) that provide steps, tips and tools for planning your career.

Career counsellorsAlternatively, seek assistance from a qualified career planner or, if you're still at school or doing tertiary training, through your career counsellor or career resource centre.

We've also linked to some sites that provide more information about finding and using career planning professionals.

Developing Employability Skills 

Although we have been talking about skills as a part of the collection of qualities that combine to make you an individual, this does not mean that these skills are as fixed as your height, or as difficult to change as the shape of your nose. Personal skills can be acquired, developed and

improved.

A shy person may be able to speak fluently and confidently when discussing a subject (e.g. politics; a favourite writer) which they know well and feel strongly about; somebody who considers themselves "hopeless at maths" on the grounds of a low GCSE grade may happily work out their living expenses for each term and evaluate the various loan options available. Your interests may also influence the skills that you choose to develop.

You should now have a short-list of skills that you wish to improve: you may also have noted down some ways in which you might do this. These could include the following:-

Through extra-curricular activities e.g.

Teamwork (in a sports team, organising a society event); Lateral Thinking (thinking of ways to raise money during Rag Week); Writing (writing for the student newspaper).

The University of Kent Student Development Unit www.su.kent.ac.uk/sdu has a range of activities here which can help such as Student Tutoring in local schools.

Through your home lifee.g. Organisation and Planning (combining running a home and family with your studies if you are a mature student).

Through your courseCourse projects, dissertations and extended essays can be particularly valuable here. As well as the skills of independent research, and planning and organising your own work which they bring, sometimes you can choose the topic so that it is relevant to the type of work you wish to enter, giving a strong plus point for your CV.

Analytical skills: the ability to debate and argue a case interpreting complex material; picking out inconsistencies in reasoning; analysing data from an experiment.

Written Communication: expressing yourself clearly, using language with precision; constructing a logical argument; writing reports; proper writing up of experiments and projects.

Verbal Communication: entering into discussion and debate in seminars; expressing yourself clearly and confidently; thinking quickly.

Investigating: gathering material for essays; comparing sources of information and selecting from them to support your argument; using databases to search for material; researching for a project.

Numeracy: interpreting and constructing statistics; analysing data and presenting it in graphical format.

Planning and Organising: managing the workload of several courses simultaneously; meeting essay deadlines; designing and carrying out surveys; balancing academic work with extra-curricular activities and/or employment.

Teamwork: group projects, seminars. Information Technology: entering data onto a spreadsheet, using the Internet to find

information. Designing a web page. Programming. Technical Skills: knowledge of specific techniques. e.g. NMR, chromatography,

practical lab. skills developed on placements.

Through work shadowinge.g. Investigating (talking to people about their work); Decision Making (whether or not to pursue this career further).

Through vacation and part-time workWhile it is possible to get vacation work experience with relevant employers (e.g. accountants, computer companies) financial pressures mean that most students have to take any vac. job they can get. Later on, when they make applications for permanent jobs and employers enquire about their work experience, they find it hard to believe that these jobs can be of relevance to their future career.

Students often say "I haven't done any real vacation work - not anything that would be relevant to a career - just a bit of shop work, bar work, waiting on tables and so on. I couldn't put anything like that on an application form".

But what employers tell us is that they do value this type of work experience and wish that students would make more of it on their application forms!

Here are some of the skills that you might gain from shop, bar or restaurant work:

Dealing with customers (courtesy, social confidence, tact) Handling money (numeracy, integrity) Working under pressure Organisation & planning (to meet peak demand)

Some popular employers early. The best opportunities for taking part in employers' undergraduate vacation training schemes are available in the summer vacation after your second year - but you may need to apply for these opportunities before the Christmas vacation in some instances.

Examples of ways to develop skills.You could also use these as evidence in an application to show you had these skills.

WRITING skills

Writing up a project or dissertation

Writing for the student newspaper Writing a report for a course

placement Essays, dissertations, project

reports Secretary of student society Publicity materials for a charity Letter to raise sponsorship for an

event

SPEAKING  skills

Joining a campus drama group.

Public speaking or debating

Seminars Working as a

receptionist in a vacation job

Market research, telesales, bar work

Showing 6th formers round campus

Course presentations

Student radio presenter

ADAPTABILITY

Year abroad or independent travel abroad

Working part-time while studying

Changing courses

Combining study with family

Shift work or working at short notice

CO-OPERATING  skills

Working on a group project Rag fund-raising Team sports Working as a clerical assistant in

a busy office Group project Duke of Edinburgh's Award Team sports Playing in an orchestra or band

ANALYSING skills

Preparing Student Election Statistics

Analysing data from an experiment

Vacation job as a market research interviewer

Voluntary work for a publisher

Creative solutions to coursework problems

Chess, computing, role playing

Overcoming obstacles to achieve an

INITIATIVE

Suggesting changes to a course when a student representative

Getting relevant work experience/project work/sponsorship

Starting your own business: selling on Ebay

Starting a new society

Creating a website

Coping with a sudden crisis

Stretching your loan to

ambition e.g.Raleigh International

go further

PLANNING  and ORGANISING  skills

Organising your revision schedule Planning a trip round Europe with

friends Stage manager for a play Campsite representative for

Eurocamp Managing a course project Organising sporting events Organising charity events Students' union activities Organising concerts for the

elderly

LEADERSHIP  skills

Leading a group project

Chairing a student society

Captaining a sports team

Being a playscheme helper

Guide leader Air training

corps Course or hall

representative Mentor in

school

SELF RELIANCE

Duke of Edinburgh's Award

Young Enterprise

Music band: playing concerts regularly

Competitive sport

Amateur drama

NEGOTIATING  skills

Negotiating the rent with your landlord

Negotiating the late handing in of essays

Staff-student liaison committee Resolving an argument between

friends

PERSUADING  skills

Arguing your case in a seminar

Getting club members to turn up for events!

Fund-raising for a local charity

Telesales job in the vacation

NETWORKING

Careers fairs Speculative

applications for work

INVESTIGATING skills

Researching for coursework in the library

Student journalism Finding out about different

careers through work shadowing Market research interviewer in a

vac. job Building your own computer

LISTENING  skills

In lectures! Helping the

student telephone counselling service

Working as a waiter or barmaid

LEARNING NEW SKILLS

Learning a new language

Taking up a new sport

Improving your computing skills

First aid Music grades

DECISION-MAKING  skills

Deciding which modules to take next year

College Welfare Representative Buying an expensive item (car or

computer) Targeting appropriate customers

in a sales job

NUMERACY

Working in a pub or bank

Budgeting your expenses over the year

Interpreting a statistical table for your course

Treasurer of committee

Fantasy share portfolio e.g. BullBearings

COMMERCIAL AWARENESS

Current affairs interest

Taking business options on a course

Organising events

Reading financial pages of a newspaper

Fantasy share portfolio e.g. BullBearings

MODULE IV STRESS MANAGEMENT

Stages of Stress

When you are under stress, you experience and pass through three specific stages. These stages are Alarm, Resistance, and Exhaustion. However, you may or may not pass through all stages of stress, depending on the events that triggered the occurence.

First Stage: ALARM

When you face any danger, your nervous system immediately sends an emergency signal to your brain. All the different body parts and their functions coordinate to either fight or flee away from the danger.

You get more energy and your limbs work faster. This is clearly visible in your facial

expressions as fear or tension.

Normally, this stage of stress can be due to an actual event such as an accident.

It is then primary stress. Otherwise, you could cause your stress like when you are appearing for an important examination. This is secondary stress.

The general indications of this stage are your fast breathing with sweating and accelerated heart beat which leads to higher blood pressure and indigestion.

Second Stage: RESISTANCE

When you do not get any relief from the first stage of stress, you slowly start feeling a reduction in your energy levels.

However, still you want to keep fighting the danger. Hence, you feel exasperated and are impatient with trivial matters. You miss your sleep schedules and find your resistance breaking Your body reacts by releasing the stored sugars and fats into your system. This leads to defined changes in your physical and mental behavioral patterns.

The normal indications of this level are exhaustion, weariness, anxiousness, and being forgetful. You start smoking and drinking more to come out of your stress. Being weak, you are an easy target for colds and flu.

Third Stage: EXHAUSTION

When stress continues beyond the second stage and you do not adhere to remedial measures, the final stress stage of exhaustion settles in. You are now totally tired and drained out of all energy.

You do not even have the desire or the drive to do your work or live your life.

This stage symbolizes a breakdown of your system and your basic physical existence itself. This leads to loss of mental equilibrium and extreme complications such as heart diseases, blood pressure, and ulcers.

Definition of Stress

Stress may be defined as "a state of psychological and / or physiological imbalance resulting from the disparity between situational demand and the individual's ability and / or motivation to meet those demands."Dr. Hans Selye, one of the leading authorities on the concept of stress, described stress as "the rate of all wear and tear caused by life."Stress can be positive or negative. Stress can be positive when the situation offers an opportunity for a person to gain something. It acts as a motivator for peak performance. Stress can be negative when a person faces social, physical, organisational and emotional problems.

Causes of Stress

Factors that cause stress are called "Stressors." The following are the sources or causes of an organisational and non-organisational stress.1. Causes of an Organisational Stress

The main sources or causes of an organisational stress are :-1. Career Concern : If an employee feels that he is very much behind in corporate ladder, then

he may experience stress and if he feels that there are no opportunities for self-growth he may experience stress. Hence unfulfilled career expectations are a major source of stress.

2. Role Ambiguity : It occurs when the person does not known what he is supposed to do on the job. His tasks and responsibilities are not clear. The employee is not sure what he is expected to do. This creates confusion in the minds of the worker and results in stress.

3. Rotating Shifts : Stress may occur to those individuals who work in different shifts. Employees may be expected to work in day shift for some days and then in the night shift. This may create problems in adjusting to the shift timings, and it can affect not only personal life but also family life of the employee.

4. Role Conflict : It takes place when different people have different expectations from a person performing a particular role. It can also occur if the job is not as per the expectation or when a job demands a certain type of behaviour that is against the person's moral values.

5. Occupational Demands : Some jobs are more stressful than others. Jobs that involve risk and danger are more stressful. Research findings indicate that jobs that are more stressful usually requires constant monitoring of equipments and devices, unpleasant physical conditions, making decisions, etc.

6. Lack of Participation in Decision Making : Many experienced employees feel that management should consult them on matters affecting their jobs. In reality, the superiors hardly consult the concerned employees before taking a decision. This develops a feeling of being neglected, which may lead to stress.

7. Work Overload : Excessive work load leads to stress as it puts a person under tremendous pressure. Work overload may take two different forms :-

i. Qualitative work overload implies performing a job that is complicated or beyond the employee's capacity.

ii. Quantitative work overload arises when number of activities to be performed in the prescribed time are many.

8. Work Underload : In this case, very little work or too simple work is expected on the part of the employee. Doing less work or jobs of routine and simple nature would lead to monotony and boredom, which can lead to stress.

9. Working Conditions : Employees may be subject to poor working conditions. It would include poor lighting and ventilations, unhygienic sanitation facilities, excessive noise and dust, presence of toxic gases and fumes, inadequate safety measures, etc. All these unpleasant conditions create physiological and psychological imbalance in humans thereby causing stress.

10. Lack of Group Cohesiveness : Every group is characterised by its cohesiveness although they differ widely in degree of cohesiveness. Individuals experience stress when there is no unity among the members of work group. There is mistrust, jealously, frequent quarrels, etc., in groups and this lead to stress to employees.

11. Interpersonal and Intergroup Conflict : Interpersonal and intergroup conflict takes place due to differences in perceptions, attitudes, values and beliefs between two or more individuals and groups. Such conflicts can be a source of stress to group members.

12. Organisational Changes : When changes occur, people have to adapt to those changes and this may cause stress. Stress is higher when changes are major or unusual like transfer or adaption of new technology.

13. Lack of Social Support : When individuals believe that they have the friendship and support of others at work, their ability to cope with the effects of stress increases. If this kind of social support is not available then an employee experiences more stress.

2. Causes of Non-Organisational Stress

Certain factors outside the scope of an organisation also cause stress.These main sources or causes of non-organisational stress are :-

1. Civic Amenities : Poor civic amenities in the area in which one lives can be a cause of stress. Inadequate or lack of civic facilities like improper water supply, excessive noise or air pollution, lack of proper transport facility can be quite stressful.

2. Life Changes : Life changes can bring stress to a person. Life changes can be slow or sudden. Slow life changes include getting older and sudden life changes include death or accident of a loved one. Sudden life changes are highly stressful and very difficult to cope.

3. Frustration : Frustration is another cause of stress. Frustration arises when goal directed behaviour is blocked. Management should attempt to remove barriers and help the employees to reach their goals.

4. Caste and Religion Conflicts : Employees living in areas which are subject to caste and religious conflicts do suffer from stress. In case of religion, the minorities and lower-caste people (seen especially in India) are subject to more stress.

5. Personality : People are broadly classified as 'Type A' and 'Type B'.i. Feels guilty while relaxing.

ii. Gets irritated by minor mistakes of self and others.iii. Feels impatient and dislikes waiting.iv. Does several things at one time.

While the 'Type B' people are exactly opposite and hence are less affected by stress due to above mentioned factors.

6. Technological Changes : When there are any changes in technological field, employees are under the constant stress of fear of losing jobs, or need to adjust to new technologies. This can be a source of stress.

7. Career Changes : When a person suddenly switches over a new job, he is under stress to shoulder new responsibilities properly. Under promotion, over promotion, demotion and transfers can also cause stress

COPING STRATEGIES

Calming Coping Strategies

First, it’s helpful to calm your physiology so you reverse your stress response. When your stress response is triggered, you process information differently, you can feel physically and emotionally taxed, and if you don’t reverse your stress response, after a while you become susceptible to the effects of chronic stress. Try these strategies tocalm down quickly, or these 5 minute stress relief strategies for some quick coping strategies.

Emotion-Focused Coping Strategies

There are two main types of coping strategies: emotion-focused coping strategies and solution-focused coping strategies. The calming coping strategies I mentioned above are a quick version of the former type—emotion-focused coping strategies—but there are more in-depth emotion-focused strategies that can help with many of the major stressors that people face. These include coping strategies like maintaining a sense of humor and cultivatingoptimism, where the situation doesn’t change, but your perception of it does. These strategies are great to use in many of the situations you’ve mentioned where you have little ability to control what happens, and you need to see your stressors as a challenge instead of a threat, or change the way you respond to your circumstances in order to diffuse some of the stress involved. See this article on coping with stress for more on emotion-focused coping strategies as well as the next category I’ll discuss.

Solution-Focused Coping Strategies

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do to change a situation, but often you’ll find an opportunity to take action and actually change the circumstances you face. These types of solution-focused

coping strategies can be very effective for stress relief; often a small change is all that’s required to make a huge shift in how you feel. For one thing, one change can lead to other changes, so that a chain reaction of positive change is created, opportunities are opened up, and life changes significantly. Also, once action is taken, the sense of being trapped with no options—a recipe for stress—can dissipate quickly. It’s important to be thoughtful about which actions to take, as each situation may call for a unique solution, but a less-stressed mind (see coping strategies in the calming category) can more easily choose the most beneficial course of action.

Coping Strategies

Listed below are a some of the hundreds of Coping Strategies that Dr. Zeff teaches for the Highly Sensitive Person:

Create a Daily Routine

1. Your morning routine will set the tone for your day while your evening routine will influence the quality of your sleep.2. Wake up 15-20 minutes earlier than usual to begin your morning routine. 3. Begin with some gentle stretching, yoga postures or light calisthenics.4. Spend at least 15 minutes centering yourself through meditation, progressive relaxation or listening to a meditation tape.5. Eat a nourishing breakfast slowly.6. Leave plenty of time to commute to work.7. Your evening activities should consist of calming endeavors such as reading uplifting books, writing, meditating, taking a bath or having light discussions.8. Try not to watch over-stimulating or violent television shows in the evening. 9. For 30 minutes prior to going to sleep, turn off the day and go inward by meditating, listening to a relaxation tape or whatever helps you make the transition to a restful sleep.

Using the senses to calm the HSP

1. Avoid jarring noises by listening to relaxing background music or wearing earplugs.2. Give yourself or receive a massage on a regular bases.3. Reduce the time you are sitting in front of a television or computer screen and gaze at beautiful pictures or nature frequently.4. Reduce your use of caffeine while drinking calming herbal teas and a lot of pure water. 5. Eat warm, nurturing food.6. Try inhaling calming essential oils or incense.7. Take a mini retreat twice a week and a longer retreat several times a year.

Important points in reducing time pressure

1. Listen to soothing music while driving slowly. 2. Try to avoid driving during peak traffic hours.3. Utilize the opportunity of red lights and traffic jams as cues to spend time practicing relaxation techniques.4. Regularly practice slow, walking meditations in nature to stay calm and focused in the present.5. Try talking slower and being in silence sometimes.6. Wait five seconds before responding during an intense conversation to reduce over-stimulating arguments.7. Try mindful eating during at least one meal a week without engaging in any other stimuli, such as reading, watching television or talking.8. Try writing and typing at a slower rate.9. Transform the ring of the telephone into a relaxation cue by not answering the phone until the 3rd or 4th ring if possible, while using the precious moments to relax deeply.10. Minimize your use of the computer, phones and television.

How to Create Enjoyable and Relaxing Work for the HSP

1. Try to develop a positive attitude toward your job by creating enjoyable social interactions, helping others and being enthusiastic about your work. 2. Listen to background music that is calming and maintain proper air circulation and temperature.3. Gaze at pictures of natural settings; bring flowers and plants to work. 4. Have juice or herb tea and healthy snack foods available as well as uplifting magazines or articles for your clients or employees to read.5. Have a comfortable chair to sit on. If you are sitting all day at work, periodically perform stretches and take short walks.6. Throughout the day do some slow abdominal breathing exercises and take short meditation breaks.7. If you are calm, your co-workers will be more relaxed creating interpersonal harmony. Don't forget to smile frequently.8. Explore changes in your job schedule such as beginning work later, working from home or reducing your hours.9. Create a daily work schedule each morning to plan a pressure-free day.10. If you are working in a very stressful job that cannot be modified, examine your beliefs and values as to why you continue to work in a difficult situation. 11. Investigate new job possibilities that are well suited for your sensitivity. 

MODULE V

Dependence, Independence, Interdependence and the Stages in Between

FranklinCovey has recently partnered with OpenSesame to offer some of our online learning

courses to their catalog. In addition the company is reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective

People. Below is a post from Micaela Deitch, an intern at OpenSesame about her experience

reading the book.

As an intern at OpenSesame, my peers and I recently started reading the The 7 Habits of Highly

Effective People as a group. Book in hand, I started the path to becoming a compassionate,

efficient and – most of all – effective career woman.

 The beginning of my journey was not as smooth as I’d hoped. Dr. Stephen R. Covey explains

that many individuals live in a state of dependence, where they feel and take no responsibility for

the events of their lives. As a young professional, this resonated with me. Since I was born I’ve

been dependent on my family financially and emotionally. Every personal success I achieved felt

like it partly came from my family supporting me: paying for my school, consoling me when I

didn’t get the part, or praising me when I got a good grade.

Being in a state of dependence had its perks, but I know it is not a sustainable option. All of my

role models, including my parents, had a time in their life when they made the change from

dependence to independence. It may not have been seamless or pretty, but at some point they

moved out of their parents’ house, got a job, and started taking care of themselves. When Covey

explained that the state beyond dependence is independence, I had an “aha” moment.

 From Independence to Interdependence

 However, in the next passage of the book, Covey explains that after achieving independence,

enlightened individuals move into a state of interdependence. This gave me pause. Moving from

dependence to independence to interdependence seems regressive. Isn’t the independent

individual, who takes no help from anyone, the epitome of success?

 I found my misunderstanding lay in the distinction between dependence and interdependence.

While dependence refers to relying on others to take care of us, interdependence refers to the

cooperation for a greater goal. And because there are limits on how productive we can be as

individuals, but virtually no limit on how productive we can be when we strategically collaborate

with others, being “highly effective” requires interdependence.

It took me awhile to understand this difference, but I soon realized many of my biggest successes

in life came from collaborative efforts. Take, for example, my last year of rowing as a senior in

high school. I had spent all winter training, hoping to be the fastest and fittest. I spent a lot of

time that season thinking about how I could be faster as a rower, but all that individual energy

wasn’t helping my boat win races. A crew, like any group endeavor, relies on teammates

working together, not for personal success. When I stopped focusing on how I could be stronger

or faster, and started thinking about how I could row better to complement my teammates, we

started going faster. Eventually, we were rowing fast enough to win 2nd in the region.

 The Next Step for Young Leaders

 As college students make the transition from high school to college to adult life, there’s

inevitable urge to rebel, to make a point of becoming independent and throwing off the

limitations of childhood. But it is important to remember that paying our own rent, buying our

own food, and working diligently at a chosen career path is not the apex of being effective. In

order to become truly effective we must use our independence and the stability it grants us as a

platform on upon which to build interdependent, highly effective relationships. Only when we

work in collaboration with others can we achieve our full potential.

Character vs. Personality Ethic

To provide a framework whereupon to build the 7 Habits, Covey begins his work introducing the

dichotomy between what he calls the character ethicand the personality ethic.

For years, the cultural theme that ran throughout the US was built upon the character ethic. This

is the idea that a person advances throughout life on the basis of their character. It was the

foundation of Benjamin Franklin’s Twelve Virtues   a nd could be found in most of the self-help

literature of the time.

However, since WWI, a shift started to happen. Developing one’s character began to be

overshadowed by the “quick-fix” solution of the personality ethic. All you had to do was learn

specific skills and techniques, work on your public image, personality and attitudes, and you’d

be guaranteed success. However, the problem came when you were eventually discovered as

insincere and shallow. A perfect example is many of our modern politicians — all fluff and no

substance.

Covey doesn’t knock the personality ethic. In fact, he says it is sometimes absolutely necessary.

But these ideas are only effective when they flow naturally from a good character and the right

motives. And this is where the 7 Habits come into play.

Timeless Principles

The 7 Habits bring us back into the realm of the character ethic, where we live based upon time-

tested principles that have worked throughout the ages, regardless of social context. Values such

as the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you), going the extra mile,

charity and so on, are what truly effective people have lived by throughout history.

According to Covey, having a principle-centered life is the only way to be truly effective.

From Dependence to Interdependence: a Continuum

The 7 Habits are not mutually exclusive. In fact, from the first to the last habit, they are intended

to work with and build upon each other in a specific order and structure. When they are

sequentially applied in your life, they will take you from a state of dependence on others and

society to independence and ultimately interdependence — an attribute reserved for the most

effective people.

Habits 1 through 3 comprise the “private victory” or independence (I’ll be covering this

tomorrow). They take us from that feeling of helplessness and powerlessness to one of

empowerment and pro-activity.

Habits 4 through six make up the “public victory” or interdependence, where we learn to

effectively work with others in a mutually beneficial way. If we can achieve this, we have

achieved true effectiveness.

The 7th and last habit, “Sharpen the Saw”, is what keeps us running at peak levels. Just as any

machine requires regular maintenance to function properly, we require our own “down-time” to

rejuvenate our bodies, our minds and our spirits.

Co-dependence to Independence to Interdependence

Creating a win-win life of freedom, love, joy and expansion with self and others

by Melanie Tonia Evans

38

We have all understood our life from the ‘outside in’ paradigm, believing that our needs are

supplied by something or someone outside of us. This leaves us in a very precarious position. It

is self-defeating to believe that our happiness, self-esteem and purpose are anyone else’s job. 

If we haven’t claimed our identity, we are defenceless to the effects of life outside of ourselves.

Working on emotional maturity, healthy boundary-setting, (please see my eBook ‘How to

Understand and Implement Healthy Boundary Function) self-identity and alignment with Life

Principles that work allows us to enter a state of independence, which then sets the platform to

not only secure private accomplishment, but one that will expand into public accomplishment.

This transformation secures a synergistic expansion of love, happiness and success with others

and our environment. Read on to discover the crucial and essential steps of this journey.

Ultimately our ‘new world’ that is emerging is one that works with the components of love, trust,

warmth and communion.

The days of ‘dog eat dog’, ‘survival of the fittest’, and ‘me versus you’ and ‘I need to succeed

with intimidation, victim behaviour or manipulation’ have now become ineffectual, and create

great disappointment, delays and pain.

These old states are ego (fear-based) mechanisms that don’t create lasting and solid love, success

and happiness. ‘Win-lose’ is no longer the workable trend. ‘Win-win’ is now the goal.

Businesses, love relationships and families in modern times are breaking apart as a result of fear

based, ‘low-trust’ conditions. As a species, we are all evolving and sensing the need for healthy

and trustworthy connections. No longer will many spouses or employees tolerate the stresses of

‘lack of trust’. The days of ‘put up and shut up’ are becoming obsolete, and are becoming

exposed.

No longer can ‘lack of trust’ and ‘lack of connection with others and our environment’ create

worthy realities. These old incongruent energy statements are becoming more obvious and more

unbearable to live with. It’s time to change!

We are all being called, as part of ‘a new world’, to make the journey from co-dependence to

independence to interdependence.

 

The Steps of the Journey

Co-dependence can be termed as: relying on others to provide what we are not providing for

ourselves. Obviously as new born babies we are extremely co-dependent. We have no ability to

provide safety, survival needs and emotional sustenance for ourselves. In our co-

dependent stages of life we are totally vulnerable and all of our trust is placed on the actions and

resources of others. We on our own are powerless.

Independence can be termed as: being self-reliant, self-empowered and capable of providing our

own needs, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. As we grow older we begin making

progress towards independence. In our independent stages of life we build purpose, direction and

trust for ourselves. We are powerful within our own energy and know that we can rely on and

provide for ourselves.

Interdependence can be termed as: being a whole and balanced person who is able to share with

and join in the healthy resources of life and others. This facilitates an even greater expansion in

life than the independent stage, as we now have unlimited access to even more love, success and

happiness than we could have provided for ourselves.

So you see... THIS IS THE GOAL – to create powerful, healthy interdependence.

The journey of co-dependence to independence to interdependence is a very necessary journey

and each stage is necessary. The end goal cannot be achieved without the building processes of

the stages preceding them.

In other words, we must leave behind our co-dependent behaviour to step up into independence,

and we must have a solid sense of independence to be able to function effectively in

interdependence. Having said this, it isn’t necessary to be solely independent before working on

interdependence. These two stages can be achieved simultaneously. It certainly is a truth the

more healthy your emotional independence operates (as opposed to pure practical independence)

the easier it will be to connect to healthy interdependence.

 

Examination of the Limitations of Co-dependence

Co-dependence is an aspect of ourselves that can be difficult to overcome. It is an extremely

powerless state that has been our understanding of life for centuries.

When we are acting co-dependently, we set ourselves up for a lose/win or lose/lose situation. Our

energies and effects are focused on other people and situations rather than ourself. It is easy to

think they have the problems. But in reality they often don’t have the problems because we are

busy fixing and controlling everything for them. They are reaping the ‘rewards’ (a life without

having to take responsibility for problems) and we feel abandoned, unsupported, victimised,

angry and distressed. And maybe we are helping these people so much that we are enabling their

addictions, immature or abusive behaviour, and creating an energy exchange which helps them

stay sick.

The biggest problem is: as a co-dependent we ALWAYS LOSE, because we become empty,

powerless and unable to plot our own course independent of others and life. By trying to control

aspects outside of ourselves, we end up obsessing and creating over-involvement and become

emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually controlled by the life details or people we are

obsessing about.

In order to create a life that works it is essential to outgrow our co-dependent states as much as

possible.

 

Keys to understand if you are co-dependent

How many of these are applicable to you?

 Do you spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think about you?

 Do you often analyse other peoples’ lives?

 Do you get distressed by ‘bad things’ that happen which are out of your control?

 Do you say and do what you think other people want you to say and do?

 Do you try to control other people’s behaviour so that you can feel OK?

 When an interaction with someone goes ‘wrong’ do you spend time analysing their actions,

what they said and what they might be feeling and thinking?

 Do you find it difficult to speak up and confront an issue when you feel uncomfortable?

 Do you blame other people for the way you feel?

 Do other people's moods bring your own mood down?

 Do you immediately think of someone else who needs this information more than you?

 Do you seek and listen to other people’s opinions rather than seeking and listening to your

own?

 Do you obsess over having said the wrong thing or hurting someone else’s feelings?

We can all be guilty of these traits. When we are, we have lost a connection to ourselves by

handing our power over to life and others. No longer are we capable of sustaining our needs and

looking after ourselves, we have forfeited this ‘worthiness and trust’ to conditions on the outside

- conditions that we have no control over, and no right to control! Co-dependency fosters

insecurity, anxiety, depression and in many cases leads to premature death. In its advanced

stages the disease of co-dependency is deadly. I believe co-dependency is the greatest

emotionally destructive factor in humankind.

Most people don’t act co-dependently when things are GOOD! (When life and others are

supplying their needs). Most people act CODEPENDENTLY when the going gets tough! (When

life and others aren’t supplying their needs).

We can all blame life and situations for throwing us into turmoil – but the truth is these

challenging times are only EXPOSING the lack of self-resources and self-belief we had on-line

in the first place. If ‘other people bring you down’ – your state of ‘down’ was lying just under

the surface before the event occurred!

THEREFORE – the number ONE priority is to stop being just a ‘fair weather person’ and know

that you can ‘hold it together in a storm’. These stormy times are inevitable (they are a part of

life) and through these times we gain enormous confidence and resources to become self-

empowered. These times are a gift. The irony is the more we deal with them, the fewer storms

come.

Your REAL job is to build your character. And then all of life will follow.

Another essential truth of life is:

It is not what people and situations have done to us that created our agony. It was our

decision to create the agony as a reaction to these people and situations that have

tormented us. I understand and empathise that as children – YES we were defenceless. We

didn’t have developed emotional intelligence or healthy boundary functions. However, as

adults we have the power to make new choices. To make other peoples’ emotional weaknesses

OUR emotional weaknesses is self-defeating.

For more information regarding co-dependency, read the Article Co-Dependency Issues -

Learning How to "Let Go" and my eBook ‘How to Recognise and Heal Co-dependency’.

You Always Have the Choice to Move Out of Co-dependency.

Here are some further questions to consider in regard to co-dependency.

Do you give in to other people's expectations and demands even when you feel uncomfortable?

Do you feel controlled by life and don’t believe you have a choice in many circumstances?

Do you follow protocols and traditions that you don’t agree with anymore?

Would you rather distress yourself than upset someone else?

Do you focus on changing others rather than changing yourself?

Do you grab onto things and people outside of yourself to feel better?

 

Many of us use and think co-dependent statements, such as:

“I really should...”

“I don’t want to but I have to...”

“There’s nothing I can do about it...”

“I can’t help the way I feel...”

“That’s just the way I am...”

“I’ll never be any good at that...”

All of these statements are victim statements that create powerlessness in situations. 

Let’s look at an alternative way to live simply by affirming that we always have the power to

CHOOSE our realities:

“I choose to not do this now...”

“I choose to honour what I said I would do...”

“I choose to let go of what I can’t control...”

“I choose to feel happy regardless of...”

“I choose to become a better person and create a better life...”

“I choose to improve at the things I am interested in...”

If you catch yourself using victim (powerless statements) make a decision and a CHOICE!

 

The Platform of Independence

Independence is essential. Your life is your job. Everyone else’s life is their job. Please see Inner

Foundation of Trust to gain information as to why it is so important to have a solid and

consistent sense of self. 

Part of a healthy independent foundation is having a mature boundary function (Please see my

eBook ‘How to Understand and Implement Healthy Boundary Function’). There is no need to

allow anything to penetrate your inner sense of self unless you choose to. This is why some

people get extremely distressed (and even obsessive) over a particular person or event, whereas

another could see it ‘for what it is’, do whatever was appropriate and in their authentic control

(make a decision that applied to themselves) without wasting emotional energy on it by

obsessing over the unknown or trying to control the uncontrollable (a dynamic that was outside

their power of influence). 

Be very clear your emotional energy is best spent within the life-affirming decisions of your own

life. It isn’t productive to burn it up on things outside of you that you have no control over. This

doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or a conscience. Quite the contrary. By having a healthy

boundary function, you recognise where you can help, how to help in empowered ways, and you

make a decision that creates a win/win opportunity for everyone involved. No longer do you fuel

yourself and someone else’s dysfunctions and insecurities by reacting in unhealthy ways.

Achieving independence means releasing yourself from the need for other people to validate

your sense of self. I’ll explain with an example... 

Not long ago my son and I had an interaction. He had spent money on a social event and hadn’t

saved enough money to have petrol in his car to get to work. My sense of self on this matter is –

I am living a principle centered life (non-co-dependent) where I no longer fix his ‘irresponsible

mistakes’ for him and I don’t enable him to be irresponsible. When he asked if he could borrow

my car (he knew my take on lending him money), I calmly and clearly said “No.” When he

asked me why, I stated my declaration of truth on the matter quietly and calmly. He ranted and

raved a bit which I totally ignored. An hour later we were having tea together as if nothing had

happened and he’d rung one of his friends to organise a lift. After he finished work we had

pleasant talks about other unrelated issues.

In the past I would have acted co-dependently. I would have argued and been totally dismayed if

he didn’t understand my point of view. One of the biggest lessons I have learnt in life is: “It’s

not important for other people to ‘get it.’ It’s important that I ‘get it.’ 

So you can see the old pattern would have created a Lose/Win – if I had given in and fixed his

problem for him with my own resources, or a Lose/Lose where we both would have lost because

I was enabling him to be irresponsible. And what’s more we could have argued for two days

about my ‘Disbelief of His Irresponsible and Thoughtless Behaviour’ and his version ‘What an

Unsupportive Mother I am’. 

Instead my decisions: 1) Knowing where I stood, 2) Stating it with no guilt, fear, explanations or

justifications and 3) Detaching from him ‘getting it’ or validating it - created a Win/Win, not in

the sense of a marvelous synergistic transformation (which is possible in interdependent problem

solving) but most definitely a Win/Win. My resource and principle centre was not exploited and

I was implementing by example mature and responsible behaviour, which was to his advantage.

Part of being a healthy independent with a sense of inner self is escaping the need for the quick

emotional fix. Our co-dependent nature wants relief, validation (to be understood) and results

immediately. This is why we go in harder trying to make it happen. This is a function of

the ego that is immature (scared) and perceives scarcity. “If I don’t get it now, there may not be

more later on, or someone else is going to get it.” 

Healthy independence KNOWS that if we live calmly with an inner foundation of principles that

life will bit by bit, slowly and surely respond and match these principles. By not being attached

to timing, we are simply attached to doing the right thing – the thing that works, and trusting the

process to unfold in its own time accordingly. Healthy independence realises that the old

emotional and co-dependent behaviours create temporary relief at best, disasters and blows ups

at worst, and are simply band-aid attempts that don’t have durable results.

 

The Transcendence of Interdependence

As unlimited beings and incredibly powerful creators, we have an ability to create a synergistic

exchange with life and others that far exceeds the love, success and happiness that we or another

party could solely create. In fact when two forces come together (even if they are opposing) a

new force can be born - a third solution that grants each party an even better win than was

previously available. When we open our minds and our hearts to this, it’s exciting. Why?

Because the possibilities are limitless.

This goal creates a necessity to be open to other people, other situations and other ways. If we

have a firm sense of self we can listen and seek to understand another point of view without the

fear of being overtaken or attacked. It doesn’t mean we have to agree, but it means we have to

listen and empathise with this person’s feelings on a matter.

Most people don’t listen. They are busy pushing their experience, their framework and their

beliefs over the top of another person’s frame of reference. This comes from the inbuilt fear of

needing to be understood – which is what every person truly wants. Naturally this pushing

creates a push back where the other person is trying to do the same. In this state of non-evolved

problem-solving the most convincing, intimidating or manipulative person will win. The person

that backs down will lose. This Win/Lose dynamic destroys potential for trust, teamwork and

connection, and seriously undermines relationships in all walks of life.

The golden key to creating healthy interdependence is: understand yourself without the need

for others to understand you, and then seek to understand them.

Let’s start with the first step...

It is logical in an energy based reality to embrace the concept of ‘like attracts like’. And this

‘like’ is an inner state, because this is where our energy emanates from. 

If you trust and know yourself:

Other people are going to be more open to trusting and knowing you

you'll not be hankered by the ‘need to be understood’ every time you have a conversation with

someone.

you'll be safe and secure enough to listen and be open to someone else’s beliefs, feelings and

model of life knowing full well that you have the power to remain safely in your centre.

You know their communication is about them and you don’t have to take it on personally and

make it about you.

By leading the way, you can allow the other individual to feel open and trusted. you'll hear the

heart of their concerns rather than defensive and projecting logical arguments, by being

genuinely interested in their feelings and perceptions with empathy. You don’t have to agree

with them, you simply need to honour that they are also a human beings with real feelings and

emotions and are entitled to their view of life.

I say to my son, “I don’t have to believe in everything you do. But this doesn’t mean that I don’t

always believe in you.” By saying this he feels supported, understood and trusted, and in turn he

trusts me and shares life issues and feelings openly with me. I am blessed to experience our

connection as a ‘team.’

An interesting and powerful miracle occurs when you genuinely and openly listen and

emotionally validate another individual’s concerns and what is on their mind. In almost every

case they will then allow you to do the same. Then as if there is a force all of its own, a higher

solution appears. This solution is more than a compromise - it is a greater reality than either one

of you could have created if you were defending your own frame of reference and trying to

disagree with the other. And a spectacular Win/Win occurs for both parties. Trust, communion,

love, respect and teamwork are created.

On of the most powerful statements you can make to another person who is challenging you in

your personal life or in business is:

“I truly want to understand what your concerns are and know what the problems are from your

point of view. I am here to genuinely listen.”

Then to do this with no other reason than to genuinely understand and connect. This is not a tool

to use to manipulate others to get your own way. If you are stuck in a Win/Lose framework

you'll keep creating people in your life who leave and don’t ‘want to play anymore’ no matter

how much you try to conceal the true motives.

Please note it takes courage and a high level of emotional maturity and calm healthy boundaries

to really take this journey. Make it a goal and apply the awareness and processes to your life and

you'll notice spectacular differences. 

We all require the energetic support of life and others to really, really, really shine – and others

in the world require our love and support to really, really, really shine. This communion and

teamwork is the way to create a life of spectacular love and inspiration. This is the truth and the

necessary shift of our new world. We all have the power to assist this shift. Please do it with all

your heart!!

DULE V