Breakup Medicine 10 Exercises for Healing your Heart

Breakup Medicine 10 Exercises for Healing your Heart

(A free preview version. Full version has 21 exercises.)

Matjaz Trontelj

2013, All rights reserved.

www.breakupmedicine.com

All photos except the Earth image by D Sharon Pruitt. Earth image by NASA.

Contentsexercises 7

Focus on the path, not on the obstacle. 8Find the magic hidden in your senses. 10You don’t need a reason to love yourself. 12Let confusion guide you. 14You will survive. No, strike that! You will thrive! 16You are the hero in this movie. 18OMG! I did something stupid! 20Your self-worth doesn’t depend on others. 22Everyone deserves happiness – except you! 24Don’t poison your own soup… 26

action tips 29aBout the iphone & ipad app 32

Hi, there!

First of all, I’m truly sorry that you are going through diffi cult times!

But you should know one thing—no matter how hard the situation is right now—you will be ok. You will come out of this stronger and wiser.

How do I know?

It is clear that you are not the type person to wallow in despair, or you would never have found this book. You are actively searching for a solution, for ways to grow from this experience.

Which brings us to the book.

It has 21 exercises that will help you heal your heart.

Healing a broken heart can only be done by using the healing powers of the heart: loving yourself, becoming friends with your emotions, connecting with nature, gratefulness, and kicking yourself in the butt when you become too pathetic…

Each exercise gives you something to think about; some also give you something to do. Most of them involve writting emails to

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yourself. Keep these emails unopend in your inbox and read them later, for example the next day. These emails also serve as a journal.

At the end of the book are a couple of pages with action tips. Action tips are suggestions for activities that you can do to make you feel better. A lot of tips involve hanging out with your friends and family, having fun as well as ridding your life of clutter and organizing your life.

Best way to choose an action tip is to close your eyes and randomly point your fi nger at one.

Daily exercises and action tips work in balance. Exercises are focused inward, while suggested actions help you take your mind off the breakup and gain control of your life through physical and social activity.

This book is just one piece in the mosaic of your recovery and it doesn’t cover everything. It is a great addition to the support provided by your friends and family, to taking care of your body, socializing, pursuing your hobbies and seeking professional help if you need it.

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We also have a iPhone and iPad mobile app with all the exercises and action tips. The app gives you daily assignments and it lets you create posters with your own photos and messages of recovery or with your own notes. Check it out!

Wish you a speedy bounce-back!

Matjaz

p.s. I would love to hear from you about your experience with this book and the mobile app. What worked for you? What didn’t? Together we can make them even better!

p.s.s. These exercises are based on the methods I use in my life when diffi cult times hit. I thought they might be useful to others as well. Many of them can be used even without a breakup :)

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10 exercises

Focus on the path,not on the obstacle.

Exercise 1

Despite all the uncertainty in your life right now,a couple of things are clear:

1. You will be ok.

2. It will take time.

You have the time you need.Be patient. You can’t solve all your problems at once.Do today whatever feels comfortable, delegate the rest to the future you.

Amazing opportunities are waiting for you.You’ll change and grow.The exciting new chapter of your life just began.Every day brings something new.

Remember, it is break UP, not break DOWN.

TO DO: Write an “I’ll be fi ne” email to yourself. And mention why. Not convinced? Just make up some fun scenarios: “I’ll be fi ne because space fairies will visit me one day and give me a magic massage.” Btw, your ex’s name should not be mentioned in this story.

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Find the magic hiddenin your senses.

Exercise 2

Fighting against unwanted thoughts is like trying to subdue waves by jumping in the water. They only get stronger. The more you try to stop thinking about your ex, the harder it becomes. Stop trying. Just leave those same old boring thoughts as they are. They don’t deserve your attention.

At the same time bring more attention to sensations in your body. Repetitive thinking about your ex can’t compare to the magic hidden in your senses.

Feel the freshness of licking an ice-cream scoop, the playfulness of tickling your bare foot, the wind swirling through your hair.

Become a curious explorer “Oh, I wonder how that would feel!” Then go ahead and try it.

TO DO: Look around yourself; fi nd something you could explore. Open the fridge and feel the wave of coldness embracing your body. Or go outside and walk barefoot on grass. Write an email to yourself about it.

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You donʼt need a reason to love yourself.

Exercise 3

I love myself, because… Stop. That’s blackmail, not love!

I love myself. No questions asked.

TO DO:

A. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say: “I love you.” Do it at least eight times per day.

B. Browse through photos of yourself, from the time you were a cute kid till now. Forget that this is you. With kindness observe this unique human being, yearning for happiness with every breath he or she takes, deserving love.

Again, write an email to yourself as a reminder. Leave it at the top of the inbox, unopened for a couple of days.

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Let confusion guide you.Exercise 4

Should I call him? Or not? Should we get back together? Should we stay apart?

Confusion is a clear sign that you should not do the thing you are confused about. Don’t call your ex. Don’t get back together.

Confusion is telling you that you should stick with the choices you made.

Once you get back on your feet, once your heart and mind are clear, you can re-evaluate everything. Confusion is telling you to wait until then. Trust it.

TO DO: Whenever you feel the pressure to decide something but can’t think clearly about it write an email to the future you: “Dear Future <My Name>, here are a couple of things that are bothering me. Please take care of them when you can…” And then relax – you passed the diffi cult task to someone else.

Once your confusion clears away you can even reply to these emails.

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You will survive. No, strike that! You will thrive!

Exercise 5

You had your life before you met her. You were laughing and playing (you were a kid once, right?).

You have your life now, after she is gone. You will laugh again, soon. And re-learn how to play, in case you forgot.

Grass rests under the heavy snow cover in winter. In spring it grows again, nourished by the water of melted snow. Nature is resilient, indestructible. If grass can do it, so will you!

TO DO: Go outside for a walk; fi nd an example of this force of nature. Connect with it. Write to yourself about it.

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You are the hero in this movie.

Exercise 6

This is your life. It’s not about your ex. It’s about you.

Forget about making him suff er less. You are not the person who can help with that. Forget about making him suff er more. He will reap the consequences of his actions regardless of what you do.

The plane you’re fl ying in lost cabin pressure and oxygen masks have dropped from the ceiling. Put the mask on your face fi rst. Check if it is working. Only then you can start helping others.

Now is the time you take care of yourself. Remember, being selfi sh is good at this point.

TO DO: Write an email to yourself about all the diff erent ways you need to take care of yourself. And about how you WILL do that. “I need to keep my body healthy and strong. I’ll go for a walk every day. Oh, and I’ll invite one of my friends to join me. And I’ll start making head stands again. Once I was so good at it…”

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OMG! I did something stupid!

Exercise 7

Really?! Join the club!

What is done is done. Life has no Undo function — fortunately! It is much more interesting this way.

TO DO:

The fi rst step: Stop worrying. Imagine looking at the Earth from space. You are just a tiny dot! Your mistakes can’t even be seen from up there. So, relax. The world will not end because of your mistake.

The second step: Can you do something to make things better? If you yelled at your mom, apologize to her. If you slept with your ex, just let it go. It happens.

The third step: What can you learn from this? Do you need to pay more attention to something? How will you avoid repeating the same mistake?

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Your self-worth doesnʼt depend on others.

Exercise 8

Did she ever really love me?

It doesn’t matter now. If she didn’t it is her loss. You can only be responsible for what you do; for being honest with your feelings.

Don’t let others decide your worth. Be yourself. Be free.

TO DO: Think about all the times in the past when you worried about what others think of you; of all the times when you were not yourself because of it. Doesn’t it all look silly now, looking back? After all, we are all the same, just human beings. Nobody’s opinion is any more valuable than your own.

Bring this insight into the present moment – is something similar going on right now? The time for you to be yourself, to be free, is right NOW. You won’t get any other chance.

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Everyone deserves happiness – except you!

Exercise 9

Just kidding. You are not that special. :)

The purpose of life is to be happy. What does that mean to you?

TO DO: Send an email to yourself: What is happiness for you? And then add “I deserve to...” Feel stuck? Just start with simple stuff , like “I deserve a scoop of ice-cream! I deserve to have an umbrella when it’s raining...”

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Donʼt poison your own soup…

Exercise 10

…with hatred and bitterness.

Perhaps you are hurt and angry. It is natural and normal to be upset. Don’t try to subdue anger by pretending to be a nice guy or gal.

Thinking, “We separated as friends. It was a mature thing to do. His cheating on me was just a wakeup call…” while clenching your teeth and fi sts doesn’t work.

Let the anger run its course.

But at the same time, be aware that you are the one who carries the burden of these emotions. While you are simmering in the spicy sauce of anger, he might be enjoying herself, totally unaff ected by your condition.

So, let these emotions run their course without inviting them to stay. They are like a good action movie – exciting to watch, but you wouldn’t want to actually be there.

TO DO: When you are overwhelmed by a strong emotion, look up to the sky, take a photo of a cloud and email it to yourself saying something like, “Anger. Just passing by.”

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Want More?The full version of the book has 21 exercises and

three pages of action tips.

The suggested price is $5, but you can pay as much as you want.

doWnload the Full Version With 21 exercises

or

Get the MoBile app For iphone & ipad

action tipsClose your eyes, point your finger at one. Then go and do it!

(Full version of the book has three pages of action tips)

Go out with a friend for a coffee, lunch or a cocktail. Ask your friend how they are doing.

Invite yourself to a delicious dinner. Eat out or cook by yourself. Bonus points if you invite friends over.

Watch a childrenʼs movie, one that brings back happy childhood memories.

Clean your apartment. Throw away the trash. Wash the dishes and get that pile of laundry done. Get rid of

your exʼs stuff.

Make room for the new. Pack stuff you donʼt need, give it away or put it in storage.

Treat yourself to a massage, or two, or three. They feel good and boost your spirits.

Is it time for a new hair-do?

Make plans for renovating your apartment. It doesnʼt matter if you actually do it.

Go to the gym, or go for a walk in the park.

Call your friends. Go dancing. Be wild!

aBout the

iphone & ipad app

Breakup Medicine - 21 Creative Exercises for Healing your Heart

Download our iPhone and iPad app with all asignments and action tips.

Daily asignments and action tips.

Create posters with your photos, healing messages and your notes.

Works great on iPhone and iPad.