Bovee -- Chapter 5 Exercises (pp. 137–139)

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Bovee -- Chapter 5 Exercises (pp. 137– 139)

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Bovee -- Chapter 5 Exercises (pp. 137–139). 5.5 Emphasize the use of “you” attitude, avoid legalistic terms and awkward pointers, emphasize the positive, and avoid criticizing. The revision should go something like this:. Burdette's Special Sizes. For Special Ladies and Gentlemen - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Transcript of Bovee -- Chapter 5 Exercises (pp. 137–139)

Page 1: Bovee  -- Chapter 5 Exercises (pp. 137–139)

Bovee -- Chapter 5Exercises (pp. 137–139)

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• 5.5

Emphasize the use of “you” attitude, avoid legalistic terms and awkward pointers, emphasize the positive, and avoid criticizing. The revision should go something like this:

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For Special Ladies and Gentlemen820 10th Avenue South, Seattle, WA 98134 (206) 777-1234 Fax: (206) 777-1235

October 19, 2002

Mrs. Bruce Crandall1597 Church StreetGrants Pass, OR 97526

Dear Mrs. Crandall:

Order No. 89-97526-277

The dress you've selected from our fall catalog is one of our most popular styles because of its versatility and flattering fit. You'll get a lot of use from it on your trip to San Francisco.

As soon as you let us know what size you need, we will ship your dress. Fill in your size and order number on the enclosed postage-paid card, and mail it today. We'll make sure your attractive new dress arrives in time for your trip.

Sincerely,

Linda Schultz

Customer Service

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Enclosure

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Mrs. Bruce Crandall1597 Church StreetGrants Pass, OR 97526

Dear Mrs. Crandall:

Thank you for your order dated June 17. The dress you selected will be sent to you as soon as you let us know what size you want. Please indicate your size on the enclosed postage-paid card and return it to us. You should receive your dress about one week after we get the card.

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5.6 The following versions are more concrete:

a. April 21b. 20 percent off retailc. 44 people camed. saved 19 minutese. added 12 square feet to the shop

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5.7 The following terms are stronger than those listed:

a. pursuedb. cyclesc. blindingd. soarse. surges

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5.8 Here are the sentences, purged of clichés:

a. Being adaptable, Dave worked well in his new selling job.

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b. Moving Leslie into the accounting department forced her to attempt work that she didn’t know how to do.

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c. I knew she was seriously ill, but I thought the doctor would cure her.

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d. Movies don’t appeal to me; I prefer a good book.

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e. It’s difficult to survive the pressures of teaching in a tough urban neighborhood.

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5.9 The following words are shorter and simpler:

a. beginb. endc. used. expecte. helpf. tryg. find out h. get

i. completej. tellk. changel. sentm. maken. buto. large part

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5.10 These phrases replace the obsolete versions:

a. as you suggestedb. here isc. insteadd. in response to (your inquiry)e. (omit)

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• 5.11. Remember to use the rules of good organization as you rewrite these sentences:

a. The topic and purpose must be clear. (This letter is okay on that score.)b. All the information must be related to the topic and purpose. (Much of this letter is irrelevant, especially the writer’s comments about his financial and work problems.)c. The ideas must be grouped and presented logically.

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(This letter’s organization is weak. Writer needs to state clearly the two reasons that the grade should be raised: (1) he had good reasons for missing two classes, and (2) his test score on the midterm should have been a B, not a C.)

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d. All necessary information must be included. (Without knowing more about the situation, it is difficult to tell whether the writer has included all the relevant points; however, he might have strengthened his case by opening the letter with a question about how the professor determined the grades. The student assumes that his C is a function of his grade on the midterm and his failure to attend a couple of classes. But he doesn’t know this for a fact. If his assumption is wrong, his arguments will be ineffective. In addition, he fails to mention his participation in class discussions or any particularly outstanding work he did.)

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You should use the model for a persuasive request (indirect approach). This document needs a stronger opening. Here’s one possible solution:

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Until I took your class, I didn’t realize that accounting is so interesting. I was disappointed, however, that I received a C instead of a B. Although I missed your class twice because of my job, I did participate whenever I could attend. I also got 75 percent on the midterm exam (plus 6 points on the third question for using the “optimal cost” method) and 80 percent on the final, which is clearly a B. Please recheck your calculation of my final grade to see whether I did perhaps earn a B.

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150 Riverside DriveApt. 221Lawrence, MA 01841

January 18, 2002

Professor Anne BrewerDepartment of BusinessMerrimack CollegeTurnpike StreetLawrence, MA 01845

Dear Professor Brewer:

Your accounting class this past term was very interesting, and I'm glad I took it, but my final grade (C) may be in error. Although I originally got 75 percent on the midterm exam, you said in class that you would add 6 points to the grades of students who used the “optimal cost” method, which would raise my grade to 81 percent. That grade and the 80 percent I got on the final are both Bs. I’d be grateful if you would recheck your records to make sure no mistake has been made.

Sincerely,Sam ConnellySam Connelly

150 Riverside DriveApt. 221Lawrence, MA 01841

January 18, 2002

Professor Anne BrewerDepartment of BusinessMerrimack CollegeTurnpike StreetLawrence, MA 01845

Dear Professor Brewer:

Your accounting class this past term was very interesting, and I'm glad I took it, but my final grade (C) may be in error. Although I originally got 75 percent on the midterm exam, you said in class that you would add 6 points to the grades of students who used the “optimal cost” method, which would raise my grade to 81 percent. That grade and the 80 percent I got on the final are both Bs. I’d be grateful if you would recheck your records to make sure no mistake has been made.

Sincerely,Sam ConnellySam Connelly

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5.12Here are the sentences, rewritten in the active voice:

a. The sales representative submits the raw data to the data-processing division each Friday.

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b. Management is responsible for high profits. (Or: Management has responsibility for achieving high profits.)

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c. The staff implemented the policies announced in the directive.

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d. The Santee Company services our typewriters. Janet Hogan represented the employees.

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5.13 The topic sentence in the first paragraph is “McDonald’s tries hard to project an image of almost a charitable organization.” The remaining sentences are all related to that topic sentence.

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A possible topic sentence for the second paragraph is “There are good reasons for using care in composing and producing business letters.”

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5.14Remember the importance of unity, flow, and variety in composing paragraphs. Possibilities are numerous, but the most obvious pairings of topic and method of development are as follows:

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a. classificationb. comparison or contrastc. cause and effect or problem and solutiond. illustration e. problem and solution or cause and effect

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5.15 According to the SEC definition, plain English documents use words economically and at a level the audience can understand. A document written in plain English presents information that meets its audience’s needs.

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5.16 You can improve these three paragraphs in a variety of ways. Following are three possible solutions demonstrating the benefits of transitions (italicized). These paragraphs are difficult to understand before they’ve been clarified with appropriate transitions, choosing some “improved” examples for contrast.

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a. Steve Case saw infinite possibilities in cyberspace. He was determined to turn his vision into reality. The techies scoffed at his strategy of building a simple Internet service for ordinary people, but Case doggedly pursued his dream. He analyzed other online services, and he assessed the needs of his customers. As a result, he responded to their desires for an easier way to access information over the Internet. In 1992, Case named his company America Online (AOL). Although critics predicted the company’s demise, by the end of the century, AOL was a profitable powerhouse.

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b. Facing some of the toughest competitors in the world, Harley-Davidson had to make some changes. First, the company introduced new products. Then Harley’s management team set out to rebuild the company’s production process. Soon, new products were coming to market and the company was turning a profit. But Harley’s quality standards were not on a par with those of its foreign competitors, so its costs were still among the highest in the industry. Eventually, Harley made a u-turn and restructured the company. These efforts have paid off.

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c. Whether you’re indulging in a doughnut in New York or California, Krispy Kreme wants you to enjoy the same delicious taste with every bite, so the company maintains consistent product quality by carefully controlling every step of the production process. First, they test all raw ingredients against established quality standards. For example, every delivery of wheat flour is sampled and measured for its moisture content and protein levels. Then Krispy Kreme blends the ingredients and tests the doughnut mix for quality before it delivers the mix to its stores. But the company knows that it takes more than a quality mix to produce perfect doughnuts all the time. That’s why Krispy Kreme supplies its stores with everything they need to produce premium doughnuts—mix, icings, filing, equipment—you name it.

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5.17 You might want to use words with high connotative meaning in an advertisement or in a solicitation in which you hope to appeal to the reader’s generosity. You might also use highly evocative terms in a speech designed to raise morale or commemorate an important occasion. Whenever you want the audience to react emotionally, words with high connotative meaning are useful.