Boundaries (and Boundary Issues)

in the Family Business

Jane Adams Ph.D

Boundaries are the

building blocks

of all human relationships

They separate us…and attach us.

The Human Dilemma:

How to be both separate & connected

Family Boundaries keep Parents and Children Attached

Until Children Can Separate and Care for Themselves

Boundaries determine how we interact with others.They change according to context, role & relationship.

Aspects of BoundariesFlexibility Permeability Complexity

Open Closed

When Good Boundaries Go Bad…….

The line between us disappears and we lose our individuality….

Or becomes so impenetrable we can’t connect at all.

Every family has a unique boundary style.

enmeshed differentiated

When family boundaries dysfunction…TOO ENMESHED No one feels entitled to

own thoughts,feelingsOne person speaks for

everyoneIndividual privacy

impossibleAmbitions beyond

family disloyal

TOO DIFFERENTIATEDNo unifying hopes,

dreams, values Little sense of

belonging Feelings denied Appearances importantMinimal communication

Every family business reflects the family’s boundary style.

Family RulesThou Shalt Not Speak

Unless Spoken ToThou Shalt Not

Question AuthorityThou Shalt Not

Disparage Us to OthersThou Shalt Not Rock

the Boat.Etcetera, etcetera

Roles

Family

Boundaries in families and businesses determine…How responsibility and

authority are allocatedWhether initiative is

rewarded or restrictedHow achievement is

recognizedWith whom information

is shared

How participation is limited or encouraged

How authentically “themselves” people are allowed to be

How adaptive and responsive they are to inner and outer needs

But the needs of a BUSINESS and a FAMILY aren’t always the same.

In the BUSINESS In the FAMILY

Needs of the family come first

Decisions based on emotional issues

Unity highest priority

Family rules & roles apply

Needs of the business come first

Decisions based on rational facts

Profitability highest priority

Organizational principles apply

The Family Boundary Quiz

\When Family Business Boundaries Are Too Weak…..Childhood roles, expectations, behavior are

perpetuated in the FBFamily baggage overburdens the FBFB becomes sole focus of family attentionFamily needs are routinely neglectedNon-working family members treated like outsidersFounder’s dominating behavior poisons

relationshipsFB used to placate or buy peace among kidsProblems in both family and FB go unaddressed

The conflicting tugs of work and family life affect both….

…and change in one domain threatens the stability of the other.

“Fair” and “Equal” Mean Different Things

in the Family and the Business

Dual and Plural RolesIn Family

ParentChildSiblingIn-lawSpouseCousin

In Business

OwnerManagerEmployeePartnerShareholderBoard Member

Family Past Influences Present Perspective

The Balancing Act Quiz: What Do You Believe?The Balancing Act Quiz: What Do You Believe?

What Do YOU believe?

. Balances individual needs and business needs

. Maintains personal and interpersonal privacy

. Eliminates burdensome family baggage

. Avoids domain “spillover”

. Adjusts to change in either domain

. Meets personal needs for attachment and connection

. Resolves conflicts in appropriate domain

. Promotes growth, stability and success of family business

.The business must be kept intact and handed over to kids.

.Family members are paid equally.

.Children work elsewhere before they enter the business.

.Hiring is strictly according to business, not family needs.

.Business roles are gender and birth-order neutral.

.Best interests of business always take precedence over family’s desires.,In-laws and spouses always consulted in business matters..Oldest generation still has all the power..Long-conflicted siblings work in or have ownership in business..Business advisors are old family friends..Everyone in FB, family or not, earns prevailing market wages and perks for work they perform.

The Elements of Boundary Intelligence

Using Boundary Intelligence to Solve a Problem

Privacy

Domain Spillover

Family Baggage

Balancing work & life

Resolving conflict

Coping with change