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Bouncing BackMind-Body Resources forResilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765All the world is full of suffering.

It is also full of overcoming.

- Helen KellerFactors of ResilienceHardinessDetermination, grit, capacities to last, endure, to persevere and follow throughFlexibilityAdaptability, capacity to shift gearsCopingFace and deal with disappointments, difficulties, even disasters6 Cs of CopingCalmCompassionClarityConnections to ResourcesCompetenceCourageCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

CompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, and willingness to helpKeeps brain open to coping and learning ClarityFocused attention on present moment experienceSee clearly whats happening and reactions to whats happeningImproves cognitive functioningSelf-awareness, self-reflectionShifting perspectivesDiscerning optionsChoose wise actionsConnections to ResourcesPeople, Places Practices

Counter-balance brains negativity biasStrengthen inner secure baseAccess resourcesCompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.CourageUsing signal anxiety as cue to:

Try something newTake risksMove resilience beyond personal selfModern Brain ScienceThe field of neuroscience is so new,we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknownbut into error.- Richard Mendius, M.D. Neuroscience of ResilienceNeuroscience technology is 20 years old

Meditation improves attention and impulse control; shifts mood and perspective; promotes healthOxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a minuteKindness and comfort, early on, protects against later stress, trauma, psychopathologyNeuroplasticityGreatest discovery of modern neuroscienceGrowing new neuronsStrengthening synaptic connectionsMyelinating pathways faster processingCreating and altering brain structure and circuitryOrganizing and re-organizing functions of brain structuresThe brain changes itself - lifelongThe brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome.- Richard J. Davidson, PhDMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningConditioningExperience causes neurons to fireRepeated experiences, repeated neural firingsNeurons that fire together wire togetherStrengthen synaptic connectionsConnections stabilize into neural pathways

Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negativeAttachment Styles - SecureParenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpfulAttachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure baseStable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathologyInsecure-AvoidantParenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejectingAttachment is compulsively self-reliantStable, but not flexibleFocus on self or world, not others or emotionsRigid, defensive, not open to learningNeural cementInsecure-AnxiousParenting is inconsistent, unpredictableAttachment is compulsive caregivingFlexible, but not stableFocus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learningNeural swampDisorganizedParenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is checked out, not thereAttachment is fright without solutionLack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of traumaPre-Frontal CortexDevelopment kindled in relationshipsExecutive center of higher brainAnalysis, planning, judgment, impulse controlEvolved most recently makes us humanMatures the latest 25 years of ageMost integrative structure of brainEvolutionary masterpiece

CEO of resilienceFunctions of Pre-Frontal CortexRegulate body and nervous systemQuell fear response of amygdalaManage emotionsAttunement felt sense of feelingsEmpathy making sense of expereinceInsight and self-knowingResponse flexibilityEvolutionary legacy Genetic templatesFamily of origin conditioningNorms-expectations of culture-society

Who we are and how we cope.is not our fault.- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindGiven neuroplasticityAnd choices of self-directed neuroplasticity

Who we are and how we copeis our responsibility

- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindNew ConditioningChoose new experiencesGratitude practice, listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion, self-acceptanceCreate new learning, new memoryEncode new wiring; install new pattern of responseAntidote negativity bias, change ANTs to PATs, skills of emotional and relational intelligenceRe-conditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networksJuxtapose old negative with new positiveNeurons fall apart, rewireNew rewires oldModes of ProcessingFocused AttentionTasks and detailsDeliberate, guided changeNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focused AttentionDefault networkMental play space random changeDe-conditioningDe-ConditioningDefault networkDe-focusing, loosens grip of attentionCreates mental play space, free associationCan drop into worry, ruminationPlane of open possibilitiesBrain makes new links, associationsNew insights, aha!s, new behaviors

Practices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changeMindfulness and CompassionAwareness of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)

Attention circuit and resonance circuit

Two most powerful agents of brain change known to science; both foster response flexibilityBoundin video6 Cs of CopingCalmCompassionClarityConnections to ResourcesCompetenceCourageCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

Window of ToleranceSNS explore, play, create, produce. ORFight-flight-freeze

Baseline physiological equilibriumCalm and relaxed, engaged and alertWINDOW OF TOLERANCERelational and resilientEquanimity

PNS inner peace, serenity. ORNumb out, collapseHand on the HeartTouch oxytocin safety and trustDeep breathing parasympatheticBreathing ease into heart centerBrakes on survival responsesCoherent heart rateBeing loved and cherishedOxytocin direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolTouchHand on heart, hand on cheekHead rubs, foot rubsMassage back of neckHold thumb as inner childHugs 20 second full bodiedCalm through the BodyHand on the HeartBody ScanProgressive Muscle RelaxationMovement OppositePower PosingCompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, willingness to helpMindful Self-Compassion:Keep heart open and mind engaged when dealing with difficult events and difficult emotions that arise in response to eventsPractice not to feel better but because we feel bad

Self-CompassionPowerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, self-loathingMore effective in restoring well-being than self-esteemPractice not to feel better but because we feel badTreat ourselves with care and understanding rather than harsh judgmentPutting own oxygen mask on first when other people are not aroundCompassion leads to calm leads to clarityEmotional support needed for change and growthSelf-Compassion BreakNotice-recognize: this is a moment of sufferingOuch! This hurts! This is hard!Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheekOh sweetheart!Self-empathyI care about my own suffering, me as experiencerDrop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and careMay I meet this moment fully; may I meet it as a friendSelf-Compassion Break, cont.My pain is the pain; Im not the only oneKindness to self: May I be safe; May I be peaceful; May I be free of fear; May I be free of shame; May I accept myself just as I am; May I know this, too, will pass; May I know I can be skillful hereChoose wisely: re-direct, shift the channel; practice gratitude, metta; share pain with caring other; notice coping and easing of sufferingMindfulnessFocused attention onpresent moment experiencewithout judgment or resistance.- Jon Kabat-ZinnMindfulness Comes to the WestMindful schoolsMindfulness Based Stress ReductionBusiness 2014 World Economic ForumGovernment Tim Ryan in CongressMilitary post-traumatic stressSports peak performanceCover of Time magazine, February 3, 2014MindfulnessPause, become presentNotice and nameStep back, dis-entangle, reflectCatch the moment; make a choiceShift perspectives; shift statesDiscern optionsChoose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesomeVideo The Fly by Hanjin SongBetween a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances.- Viktor FranklAutobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia NelsonII walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in.I am lostI am helplessIt isnt my fault.It takes me forever to find a way out.

III walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I dont see it.I fall in again.I cant believe Im in the same placeBut, it isnt my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

IIII walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall inits a habitMy eyes are open, I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.49IVI walk down the same streetThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.VI walk down another street.-Portia NelsonConnections to ResourcesPeople Love guards the heart from the abyss. - MozartPlaces I rest in the grace of the world. BerryPractices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

Positive Emotions-BehaviorsBrain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a speciesLeads to tendency to avoid experiencePositive emotions activate left shift, brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and actionPositive EmotionsLess stress, anxiety, depression, lonelinessMore friendships, social support, collaborationShift in perspectives, more optimismMore creativity, productivityBetter health, better sleepLive on average 7-9 years longerResilience is direct outcomeGratitude2-minute free writeGratitude journalGratitude buddyCarry love and appreciation in your walletTake in the GoodNotice: in the moment or in memoryEnrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modalityAbsorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in bodyCircle of SupportCall to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have had your backCurrently, in the past, in imaginationImagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in copingImagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situationsPositivity PortfolioAsk 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of youAssemble phrases on piece of paperTape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purseRead phrases 3 times a day for 30 daysSavor and appreciateTrue Other to the True SelfThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhD

To see and be seen: that is the question, and that is the answer.- Ken Benau, PhDShame De-Rails ResilienceShame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change ourselves or others.- Brene Brown, PhDReconditioningAnchor in present moment awarenessResource with acceptance and goodnessStart with small negative memoryLight up the networksEvoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirmsSimultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)Refresh and strengthen positiveLet go of negativeRest in, savor positiveReflect on shifts in perspectiveWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfRelational IntelligenceSetting limits and boundariesNegotiating changeResolving conflictsRepairing rupturesForgiveness CompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.Find the Gift in the MistakeRegrettable Moment Teachable MomentWhats Right with this Wrong?Whats the Lesson?Whats the Cue to Act Differently?Find the Gift in the MistakeCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.CourageA ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are for.- Grace Hopper

Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking- Tim McMahonDo One Scary Thing a DayVenture into New or UnknownSomatic marker of Uh, ohDopamine disruptedCross threshold into newSatisfaction, masteryDopamine restoredThere is a natural and inviolable tendency in things to bloom into whatever they truly are in the core of their being.

All we have to do is align ourselves with what wants to happen naturally and put in the effort that is our part in helping it happen.- David RichoBouncing BackThe Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765