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Bouncing Back:The Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being

HollyhockJune 25-29, 2014Bouncing BackThe Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765All the world is full of suffering.It is also full of overcoming.- Helen KellerResilienceHardiness

Coping

FlexibilityHardinessCapacities to last, to endure

Capacities to persevere, to follow through

Capacities of determination and grit

CopingFace and deal with disappointments, difficulties, even disasters

Bounce back from troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from the truly awfulFlexibilityAdaptability, capacity to shift gears

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.- Charles DarwinResilienceDeal with challenges and crisesBounce back from adversityRecover our balance and equilibriumFind refuges and maximize resourcesCope skillfully, flexibly, adaptivelyShift perspectives, open to possibilities, create options, find meaning and purpose6 Cs of CopingCalmCompassionClarityConnections to ResourcesCompetenceCourageCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

CompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, willingness to helpCare, concern for problems and blocks that de-rail resilienceEmpathy, compassion for feelings and suffering of self, othersSkillful behaviors in response to difficulties and differencesClarityFocused attention on present moment experienceImproves cognitive functioningSelf-awareness, self-reflectionShifting perspectivesDiscerning optionsChoose wise actionsConnections to ResourcesPeople, Places Practices

Counter-balance brains negativity biasStrengthen inner secure baseAccess resourcesCompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.CourageUsing signal anxiety as cue to:

Try something newTake risksPersevere to achieve goalsThe field of neuroscience is so new,we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknownbut into error.- Richard Mendius, M.D. Neuroscience of ResilienceNeuroscience technology is 20 years old

Meditation increases impulse control; shifts mood and perspective; promotes healthOxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a minuteKindness and comfort, early on, protects against later stress, trauma, psychopathologyNeuroplasticityGrowing new neuronsStrengthening synaptic connectionsMyelinating pathways faster processingCreating and altering brain structure and circuitryOrganizing and re-organizing functions of brain structuresThe brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome.- Richard J. Davidson, PhDEvolutionary legacyGenetic templatesFamily of origin conditioningNorms-expectations of culture-society

Who we are and how we cope.is not our fault.- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindGiven neuroplasticityAnd choices of self-directed neuroplasticity

Who we are and how we copeis our responsibility

- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindPractices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changeMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningConditioningExperience causes neurons to fireRepeated experiences, repeated neural firingsNeurons that fire together wire togetherStrengthen synaptic connectionsConnections stabilize into neural pathways

Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negativePre-Frontal CortexExecutive center of higher brainEvolved most recently makes us humanDevelopment kindled in relationshipsMatures the latest 25 years of ageMost integrative structure of brainEvolutionary masterpiece

CEO of resilienceFunctions of Pre-Frontal CortexRegulate body and nervous systemQuell fear response of amygdalaManage emotionsAttunement felt sense of feelingsEmpathy making sense of expereinceInsight and self-knowingResponse flexibilityNew ConditioningChoose new experiencesPositive emotions, resonant relationships, self-compassion, self-acceptanceCreate new learning, new memoryEncode new wiringInstall new pattern of responseRe-conditioningMemory de-consolidation - re-consolidationLight up neural networksJuxtapose old negative with new positiveNeurons fall apart and rewireNew rewires oldModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focusedDefault networkMental play spaceDe-conditioningDe-ConditioningDe-focusingLoosens gripCreates mental play spacePlane of open possibilitiesSocial self; process social interactionsNew insights, new behaviors

PFC toggles; integrates

Mindfulness and EmpathyAwareness of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)

Attention circuit and resonance circuit

Two most powerful agents of brain change known to scienceIntegrationReflectionSee clearlyResonanceEmbrace wholeheartedly

May I meet this moment fully;May I meet it as a friend.

Keep Calm and Carry OnSerenity is not freedom from the storm

but peace amidst the storm.

- author unknownCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

Window of ToleranceSNS explore, play, create, produce. ORFight-flight-freeze

Baseline physiological equilibriumCalm and relaxed, engaged and alertWINDOW OF TOLERANCERelational and resilientEquanimity

PNS inner peace, serenity. ORNumb out, collapseHand on the HeartTouch oxytocin safety and trustDeep breathing parasympatheticBreathing ease into heart centerBrakes on survival responsesCoherent heart rateBeing loved and cherishedOxytocin direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolOxytocinHormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging, calm and connectBrains direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolCan pre-empt stress response altogetherTouchHand on heart, hand on cheekHead rubs, foot rubsMassage back of neckHugs 20 second full bodiedCalm through the BodyHand on the HeartBody ScanProgressive Muscle RelaxationMovement OppositeCalm Friendly Body ScanAwarenessBreathing gently into tensionHello! and gratitudeRelease tension, reduce traumaProgressive Muscle RelaxationBody cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time

Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15

Focused attention calms the mindCalm through MovementBody inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40 secondsBody moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)Body finds posture in the middle (30 secondsReflect on experienceCompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, willingness to helpCare, concern for problems and blocks that de-rail resilienceEmpathy, compassion for feelings and suffering of self, othersSkillful behaviors in response to difficulties and differencesCompassionSensitivityAttention to feelings and suffering, self and othersSympathyTuning in, feeling with, being movedDistress toleranceBeing with pain without denial or overwhelmEmpathyUnderstanding without judgment, resistance, submissionCaringWarmth, kindness, gentleness in any response

Self-CompassionThreat-protection systemCortisol drivenPleasure-reward systemDopamine drivenCaregiving-soothing-comfort systemOxytocin driven

Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindSelf-CompassionPowerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, self-loathingPractice not to feel better but because we feel badPutting own oxygen mask on first when other people are not aroundCome into loving connected presenceCompassion leads to calm leads to clarityCompassion for Others - SelfRemember moment of compassion and care for anotherEvoke felt sense of compassion in your bodyWhen flow of compassion is steadyPlace yourself in flow of compassion, care, concernSelf-Compassion BreakNotice-recognize: this is a moment of sufferingOuch! This hurts! This is hard!Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheekOh sweetheart!Self-empathyI care about my own suffering, me as experiencerDrop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and careMay I meet this moment fully; may I meet it as a friendSelf-Compassion Break, cont.My pain is the pain; Im not the only oneKindness to self: May I be safe; May I be peaceful; May I be free of fear; May I be free of shame; May I accept myself just as I am; May I know this, too, will pass; May I know I can be skillful hereChoose wisely: re-direct, shift the channel; practice gratitude, metta; share pain with caring other; notice coping and easing of sufferingClarityFocused attention on present moment experienceImproves cognitive functioningSelf-awareness, self-reflectionShifting perspectivesDiscerning optionsChoose wise actionsMindfulnessPause, become presentNotice and nameStep back, dis-entangle, reflectCatch the moment; make a choiceShift perspectives; shift statesDiscern optionsChoose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesomeNotice and NameThoughts as thoughtsPatterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughtsCascades of emotions as cascades of emotionsStates of mind as states of mindBelief systems and identities asMental contents, patterns of neural firingBetween a stimulus and a response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances.- Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, survivor of AuschwitzAutobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia NelsonII walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in.I am lostI am helplessIt isnt my fault.It takes me forever to find a way out.

III walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I dont see it.I fall in again.I cant believe Im in the same placeBut, it isnt my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

IIII walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall inits a habitMy eyes are open, I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.IVI walk down the same streetThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.VI walk down another street.-Portia NelsonAnything is a Cue to PracticeNotice any moment of contractionUse contraction as cue to:Step back, come to centerUse practice to come to equilibriumDiscern options, choose wiselyModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focusedDefault networkMental play spaceDe-conditioningMindfulness Dissolves the Stuff of SelfQuantum physics investigates matterMatter is more space than stuffMindfulness investigates ISelf is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfoldingTrue Self is flow of beingnessRest in Simply BeingAwareness of AwarenessInsights, epiphanies, revelations

Wisdom teaches me I am nothing.Love teaches me I am everything.Between the two, my life flows.- Sri Nisargadatta

Pre-Frontal CortexToggles back and forth between focused and defocused modes of processingIntegration of two modes; integration of right and left hemispheres, integration of higher and lower brainDeeper brain functioning; brain itself more reslientConnections to ResourcesPeople, Places Practices

Counter-balance brains negativity biasStrengthen inner secure baseAccess resourcesConnections to ResourcesPeople Love guards the heart from the abyss. - MozartPlaces I rest in the grace of the world. BerryPractices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

Positive Emotions-BehaviorsBrain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; negativity bias, how we survive as individuals and as a speciesLeads to tendency to avoid experiencePositive emotions activate left shift, brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and actionPositive EmotionsGratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy TrustPositive EmotionsLess stress, anxiety, depression, lonelinessMore friendships, social support, collaborationShift in perspectives, more optimismMore creativity, productivityBetter health, better sleepLive on average 7-9 years longerResilience is direct outcomeA hundred times every day, I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other people, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.- Albert EinsteinGratitude2-minute free writeGratitude journalGratitude buddyCarry love and appreciation in your walletNeuroscience of EmpathyEmotional communication is 93% non-verbalSocial engagement system Dyadic regulationVagal brakeFusiform gyrus regulates amygdalaRestores equilibriumGratitude2-minute free writeGratitude journalGratitude buddyCarry love and appreciation in your walletTake in the GoodNotice: in the moment or in memoryEnrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modalityAbsorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in bodyCircle of SupportCall to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have had your backCurrently, in the past, in imaginationImagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in copingImagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situationsPositivity PortfolioAsk 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of youAssemble phrases on piece of paperTape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purseRead phrases 3 times a day for 30 daysSavor and appreciateShifting Perspectives in NatureBELLY BOTANYFind a one square foot patch of earth. Observe for two minutes.(light and shadow, movement and stillness, beauty and decay, life and death)Shift your view to the larger landscape, all the way to the horizon.Reflect on shift in perspective.People as ResourcesAt times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.- Albert SchweitzerTrue Other to True SelfThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhD

To see and be seen: that is the questions, and that is the answer.- Ken Benau, PhDAh, the comfort,The inexpressible comfortOf feeling safe with a person.Having neither to weigh out thoughtsNor words,But pouring them all right out, just as they are,Chaff and grain together;Certain that a faithful handWill take them and sift them;Keeping what is worth keeping and,With the breath of kindness,Blow the rest away.- Dinah Craik

Attachment Styles - SecureParenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpfulAttachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure baseStable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathologyInsecure-AvoidantParenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejectingAttachment is compulsively self-reliantStable, but not flexibleFocus on self or world, not others or emotionsRigid, defensive, not open to learningNeural cementInsecure-AnxiousParenting is inconsistent, unpredictableAttachment is compulsive caregivingFlexible, but not stableFocus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learningNeural swampDisorganizedParenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is checked out, not thereAttachment is fright without solutionLack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of traumaSeeing Ourselves as Others See UsImagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionallyImagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the goodImagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.The Guest House - RumiThis being human is a guest-house.Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,Some momentary awareness comeAs an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!Even if theyre a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.- Rumi

Shame De-Rails ResilienceShame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change ourselves or others.- Brene Brown, PhDLove makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place.- Zora Neale Hurston

Love guards the heart from the abyss.- MozartJust that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.- Elisha GoldsteinReconditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networks of problematic memoryCause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by:Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms;Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awarenessCauses the falling apart and the rewiring

ReconditioningAnchor in present moment awarenessResource with acceptance and goodnessStart with small negative memoryLight up the networksEvoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirmsSimultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)Refresh and strengthen positiveLet go of negativeRest in, savor positiveReflect on shifts in perspectiveWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfRelational IntelligenceSetting limits and boundariesNegotiating changeResolving conflictsRepairing rupturesForgiveness CompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.You cant stop the waves,But you can learn to surf.-Jon Kabat-ZinnAs an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives.- BuddhaCompetenceBodily felt sense of Sure I can!

Based on previous competenceNo matter what, no matter how smallOwnershipLearning ModelUnconscious IncompetenceConscious IncompetenceConscious CompetenceUnconscious CompetenceFind the Gift in the MistakeRegrettable Moment Teachable MomentWhats Right with this Wrong?Whats the Lesson?Whats the Cue to Act Differently?Find the Gift in the MistakeCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.I am no longer afraid of storms,For I am learning how to sail my ship.- Louisa May AlcottIn every community, there is work to be done.

In every nation, there are wounds to heal.

In every heart, there is the power to do it.- Marianne WilliamsonCourageUsing signal anxiety as cue to:

Try something newTake risksPersevere to achieve goalsCourageIts as wrong to deny the possibleAs it is to deny the problem.- Dennis SeleebyCourageA ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are for.- Grace Hopper

Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking- Tim McMahonDo One Scary Thing a DayVenture into New or UnknownSomatic marker of Uh, ohDopamine disruptedCross threshold into newSatisfaction, masteryDopamine restoredBouncing BackThe Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765