This PowerPoint is designed for use with church leaders. Approximately 20 minutes long, it can be used before, during, or after a regularly scheduled meeting.

Dr. Gary Smalley tells us the whys and hows of relationships. His insights are based on five years of relational research that show amazing results: a more than 90 percent success rate in resolving conflict and a 72 percent increase in relational satisfaction.

Special offer!Order this book at a discount by going to

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?p=1023748&item_no=355308.

Book Summary:

The DNA of Relationships

The group PowerPoint presentation begins on the following slide.

The Dance that Destroys Relationships

1 John 4:18

How fear affects our relationships

Six Elements of a Fear Dance

1. The external problem is rarely the problem

2. The core problem isour fear

3. This results in a Fear Dance

Six Elements of a Fear Dance (continued)

4. The Fear Dance is functionally dysfunctional

5. We expect the other person to be the solution

6. We can break the rhythm of the Fear Dance by understanding our fears and taking responsibility

A No-Losers Policy Philippians 2:1–7

Seven steps to win-win conflict solutions

Seven Steps to Win-WinConflict Solutions

1. Establish a no-losers policy

2. Listen to how the other feels

3. Ask God for direction

4. Brainstorm abouta win-win solution

Seven Steps to Win-WinConflict Solutions (continued)

5. Select a win-win solution

6. Implement your solution

7. Evaluate and reworkyour solution if necessary

Objection:It will take too much time.

Answer: A no-losers policy actually saves time. When you feel you have to defend your territory, you dig in your heels for a tug-of-war. The battle continues until one person wears out. When you adopt a no-losers policy, you stop worrying about protecting your agenda.

Objection:What if we can’t come to an agreement and someone has to make a decision?

Answer: This hardly ever happens. Often the opportunity is not as good as it looks or a better opportunity presents itself. If a decision does need to be made, determine who is the most qualified to make it based on experience or training.

Effective Communication Takes Work

1. Expect problems and misunderstandings

2. Expect that you’ll need patience

3. Expect a lot of trial and error

Discuss

1. What do you like best about the no-losers policy?

2. What do you think will be the hardest part about implementing it?

3. What steps can we take to put this policy into practice?

Create a Safe Environment

Romans 15:5–7

Valuing others paves the way to positive relationships

5 Ways to Create a Safe Environment

1. Respect the wall2. Honor others

3. Suspend judgment

5 Ways to Create a Safe Environment (continued)

4. Value differences

5. Be trustworthy

Take Personal Responsibility

Don’t give others the power to control your feelings

Take control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions

Take responsibilityfor your buttons

Take Personal Responsibility (continued)

Don’t look to others to make you happy

Become the CEO of your life

Discuss

1. What do we need to do to create a safe environment for others?

2. What can we do to show each other we value our differences?

3. How can we better suspend our judgment of each other?

For More Information

Order The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley at

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?p=1023748&item_no=355308.

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