How to Build Your Best Marriage in 5-Steps

Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!How to Build Your Best Marriage in 5-Steps

© Mass Ignition1

Signs this Module will help youyouyouyou� You experience times of harsh language

� You feel or experience defensiveness in conversation with your spouse

� You feel your spouse is not as attentive during discussion with you

© Mass Ignition2

with you

� You use or receive sarcasm

� You use or receive “silence” as a form of punishment

� Your discussions or conversations feel draining instead of life-giving

� You or your spouse “snaps” in conversation

What you will learn from this Module� What are the four common types of responses people take that will lead into a Doom Cycle

� The 5-Step Antidote for each reaction that will deliver you into the Bloom Cycle

� What are key Biblical resources you can draw from to master the right words?

© Mass Ignition3

� How do you decipher what are the right words to use?� How can you go deep within yourself to understand why youreact in certain ways to certain words?

� How failure to intentionally deal with choosing the right words leads to the Doom Cycle

� How to discover the right power words to use that can spin your marriage into the Bloom Cycle

Doom Cycle

Bloom Cycle

Vs.

Whether you are fully aware of it or not, you are in one cycle or the other

© Mass Ignition4

Cycle CycleVs.

WHY WE DOOM

Finances

“ONENESS BROKEN”

Health

Passions/Hobbies

Family

5

Friends Culture

Kids Career

Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you…through painful toil…all the days… Gen. 3

AddictionsLoss

HOW WE BLOOM

Finances

“ONENESS SUSTAINED”

Kids

Health

Passions/Hobbies

Family

6

Friends Culture

KidsCareer

…they will become one flesh Gen. 2:24Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21

Addictions

Loss

WHY WE MUST BLOOM

7

God patterned them after Himself. Gen. 1:27…so that we can be mirrors that reflect His glory 2Cor. 3:18

What it takes to BLOOM!What it takes to BLOOM!The 5 key nutrients:The 5 key nutrients:

••Commit to LoveCommit to Love••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect

© Mass Ignition8

••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect••Be Gracious & ForgiveBe Gracious & Forgive••Choose the Right WordsChoose the Right Words••Seek a Greater PurposeSeek a Greater Purpose

COMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVEHOW FULL IS YOUR LOVE TANK?

AGAPE

Love LanguagesWordsQuality TimeGiftsActs of Service

© Mass Ignition9

EROS

FILOActs of ServicePhysical Touch

with cherish

she responds

he responds without

“DOOM”“DOOM”

CHERISH & RESPECT CHERISH & RESPECT “LL=CR”“LL=CR”

© Mass Ignition10

with respect

respondsresponds

she reacts

he reacts

without respect

without cherish

“BLOOM”“BLOOM”

Without G&F Without G&F With G&F With G&F

BE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBE GRACIOUS & FORGIVE

© Mass Ignition11

“oneness lost”“oneness lost” attitude + rec. process attitude + rec. process “oneness gained”“oneness gained”

DOOMING Myth #4: Communication gets better in time

© Mass Ignition12

BLOOMING Truth #3:Communication gets better when we learn deliberately how to choose the right words

Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle

�Donna and Dan exhibit signs that they really need Module #4….

© Mass Ignition13

Module #4….

Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle

�Barbara and Bob turned around their marriage through the

© Mass Ignition14

through the concepts found in Module #4

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSWhy?Why?

RELATIONSHIPS ARE EITHER DEVELOPED OR DESTROYEDBY THE WORDS THAT ARE CHOSEN

© Mass Ignition15

BY THE WORDS THAT ARE CHOSEN

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSBiblical PrinciplesBiblical Principles

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Proverbs 10:19

© Mass Ignition16

Proverbs 10:19

The tongue has the power of life and death… Proverbs 18:21

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSEveryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

James 1:19

Argument REACTING the other

Destructive offensive, names, sarcasm, violent = scarring

© Mass Ignition17

Disagreement REACTING issue

Harsh defensive, personalities arise = separating

Normal dialogue RESPONDING each other

Kind attentive, encouraging = supporting

“SPIRITUAL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”“SPIRITUAL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”

CIRCUMSTANCE

EMOTIONS Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy

THOUGHTS

© Mass Ignition18

Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy

3 sec.

with self REACT“FLESH”

with GodRESPOND “SPIRIT”

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”

RESPOND

“GRACE

© Mass Ignition19

REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”

“GRACE

&

TRUTH”

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”

Listen

Clarify Thoughts

© Mass Ignition20

REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”

Clarify Thoughts

Identify Feelings

Right Tone, Time, Words

Find Compromise

RESPONDING in GRACE & TRUTH“slowing down, staying centered”

HEAD = Clarifying Thoughts

EARS = Listening (3 levels)

21

HANDS = Praying, Compromising, Forgiving

MOUTH = Choosing Right Words, Tone, Time

HEART = Identifying Feelings

HOMEWORK: HOMEWORK:

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS -awareness and action

1. See attached homework packet

© Mass Ignition22

Bonus: Within the next 6 weeks, write a note of recommitment