LD

3012 S. Westwood Blvd.Poplar Bluff, MO 63901

November 2014 • Volume 2, No. 2

Black River TimesFREE every month

Ron BridgesI grew up most of my life in the St Louis Area. I married Lette in 1971 and we have 2 children David and Christie.

While in the Navy stationed in Meridian MS I attended Meridian Community College spe-cializing in Heating and Air Conditioning. After moving to Poplar Bluff in 1979, I worked for Roberts Plumbing. After sev-eral years I decided to opening up my own Heating and Air Business, Comfort Master Inc.

Now I would like to introduce you to Comfort Master, Inc. I have been servicing the Poplar Bluff and the surrounding area since 1984, serving not only homeowners but also busi-nesses. My company specializes in designing efficient heat and air systems, working on commercial equipment and as well as install-ing and servicing a variety of name brands.

Archery Deer & Turkey SeasonSept. 15th through Nov. 14th, 2014 --- Nov. 26th, 2014 - Jan. 15th, 2015

FirearmsNov. 15th through Nov. 25th, 2014

Missouri

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Black River Times

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SuMMeR SquASH CASSeRoLe

2 lb. yellow summer squash 1 med. onion (chopped) 10 town house crackers 2 eggs 2 cups grated cheese (sharp) Salt & pepper to taste ½ cup milk ½ stick butter

Heat oven to 360o.Cut up Squash and add onions. Cook in ½ stick of butter on top of stove until tender.Lightly beat eggs and mix with cheese (save some cheese to sprinkle on top) and add to squash.Crumble crackers and mix with squash, add milk, put into baking dish. Sprinkle cheese on top.Bake at 360o for 45 minutes.Let cool for 15 minutes before serving.

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THANKSGIVING DAYby Sir Douglas E. Hurst

I see a turkey in the oven cooking.

The smell of sweet pies fill the air.

Preparing the fruit salad is a hard working masterpiece.

The ham is getting pineapples put on it.

This is when all the family gets together at the

house or a park for a Thanksgiving Day feast.

Seeing family is great when they come together!

The Indians and pilgrims celebrated the

first Thanksgiving.Happy Thanksgiving!

1. If you are going to freeze a loaf of bread, make sure you include a piece of paper towel in the package to absorb moisture. This will keep the bread from becoming mushy when it is thawed out!

2. Store brown sugar in the freezer and it won’t clump up. Best to place it in a plastic baggie and remove it from the box.

3. The best location to store spices is in a cool, dry spot where they will not be around heat. Storing spic-es near a microwave exhaust fan or over the range are two of the worst loca-tions.

4. When baking biscuits it is important to cut out as many biscuits as pos-sible from the first rolling of the dough. The more you roll out the dough, the tougher, the biscuit will be.

5. Blueberries are the top source of antioxidants in the produce department. You should always check the bottom of berry con-tainers to be sure they are not stained from rotting or moldy berries.

6. Milk should be pur-chased as your last pur-chase in the supermarket. The longer it is away from refrigeration, the shorter its lifespan and freshness.

7. When you buy a con-tainer of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few min-utes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calo-ries per serving.

8. Don’t store apples and carrots in the same fridge compartment. The apples emit a gas that makes the carrots bitter.

9. Self-rising flour is made by adding 1 1/2 tsp. of baking powder and 1/2 tsp. salt to 1 cup all-pur-pose flour. If you want to substitute self-rising flour for regular flour in a rec-ipe, just omit the baking powder and salt from the recipe, and use self-rising.

10. For a crisp skin on a baked potato, prick the skin 3 or 4 times and place a few drops of oil on the potato, then rub it in. Next, sprinkle the potato with salt before baking

Donna Chestnut

thinGS to KnoW

3

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dream

s. – Eleanor Roosevelt

kids page

Kid JoKeS

What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck? Milk and Quackers.

What’s the difference between a jeweller and a jailer? One sells watches and the other watches cells.

What do you call a chicken at the north pole? Lost.

What goes oh,oh,oh? Santa walking backwards.

What is at the end of every-thing? The letter G.

What does the winner of the race lose? His breath.

What do giraffes have that no other animal has? Baby giraffes.

Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine? It wooden go.

What nails do carpenters hate to hit? Fingernails.

Why can’t you play jokes on snakes? Because you can never pull their legs.

Across3. Star of the Thanksgiving dinner.6. Thanksgiving is often an occasion for a family________.8. Mashed__________.10. Popular root for Thanksgiving din-ner.11. Popular sauce.

Down1. It would be hard to cook a turkey without one of these.2. Most popular berry at Thanksgiving dinner.4. Thanksgiving dinner is a popular, and old, American___________.5. Game often watched on television after Thanksgiving dinner.7. Thanksgiving turkeys are usually full of this.8. Popular Thanksgiving dessert: _________pie.9. Most people celebrate Thanksgiving with their _________.

Answers on page 11

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Butler CountyLandlordAssociation

RENTERS looking for property can look online!www.rentpoplarbluff.com

Meets the 1st Tuesday of each month at 6:30 p.m. in the Key Drugs Conference Room.

922 N. Westwood Blvd. • Poplar Bluff, MOAll Landlords Welcome

Across: 1. Something to put on sweet potatoes 2. Sports on Thanksgiving Day 3. The leg of the turkey 4. A pie for Thanksiving Day 5. A mashed dish 6. An Indian axe 7. Season of Thanksgiving 8. A dessert 9. Meat for dinner10. Put on potatoes

down: 1. Winter weather is_____ 2. Remember what we are _____thankful for 3. One of the four seasons 4. Where the Mayflower landed 5. Another name for sweet potatoes 6. Feasted with the Native Americans 7. The month of

Thanksgiving8. Main meat for Thanksgiving 9. Falls off of trees

10. What we have after din-ner11. Cut the turkey

Solution on page 11

CANE CREEK COMMUNITY CLUB

THE AGEE COMMUNITY CLUBThe Agee Community Club had their luncheon and meeting at Ryan’s on October 16th, 2014. Nickey Orton was this month’s hostess.

Club president Cathy Womack opened the meeting with the ladies repeating the club motto. Invocation and Devotional from Psalms 121:1-8 was given by Nickey Orton. Jeanie Figgins gave the secretary and treasurers reports.

Old business was a reminder of November needlework month and the clubs upcoming anni-versary. New Business was our Christmas project. Election of officers was held and it was voted that everyone retain their office for the next year. Perfect atten-dance was earned by: Nadine Johnson, Jeanie Figgins and

Cathy Womack. Roll call was answered by saying the name of your favorite song.

Nickey read an article from the Clay County Times Democrat titled, “Awake and Alert” by Michael Guido. Nadine Johnson read an article titled, “If you hear you’re in Danger”, by Julie Kline, University extension, found in the Journal Banner. This was about safety during lighten-ing and rules to keep from being struck. Jeanie Figgins read the funny article on the back of the October issue of the Black River Times titled, “Fun Facts”

Cathy Womack brought each lady an apple. Nickey Orton gave each lady a fall dishtowel instead of having a door prize.

Jeanie Figgins shared an article she bought online that has a full shopping list and recipes that is called, “The Aldi $150.00 Plan” where you can cook 25 meals.

Nadine Johnson talked about her 60th Wedding anniversary and how KFVS 12 launched on the same day as their wedding. This past week, Nadine’s husband Ollie won one of the 60th Anniversary mugs they were giving away and brought it to show the ladies.

Also in attendance was Orel Smith. There were no guests this month. Hostess for November will be Cathy Womack. The ladies dismissed by repeating the club collect.

Jeanie Figgins, reporter

GOD SPEAKSBack in 1998, in the Ft. Lauderdale, Florida area, quotes attributed to God were showing up on billboards all around the area. Here’s the rest of the story. An anonymous client approached a Ft. Lauderdale-based advertising agency. This person wanted to create an advertising cam-paign that would attract people who used to be devoted to a religion, but have since drifted. The mystery person initially invested $150,000. As you might guess, the billboards quickly attracted world-wide attention. All the billboards were very simple - white letters on a black background.

Here is a sampling of the messages from God:

I’ve missed you. -- God Lost? -- God Don’t make me come down there. -- God If we don’t communicate, you haven’t got a prayer. -- God If you can’t hear me, maybe you’re not listening. -- God Right, wrong, choose. -- God I heard your prayer; I just don’t care who wins the game. -- God Ditto the lottery. -- God Your children will inherit your values. -- God You know, “Bless you” doesn’t have to be preceded by a sneeze. --God Those who preach hate aren’t speaking for me. -- God I have big plans for you. --God

Irma Epps was hostess for our October 8th meet-ing of the Cane Creek Community Club. Five members enjoyed a tour of the “Bootheel Youth Museum” at Malden, MO.

The youth museum is a wonderful and enjoyable place and we highly rec-

ommend anyone to take a tour. Irma had visited before and we are thank-ful that she suggested we take this trip. After our trip, we enjoyed lunch together at a Chinese res-taurant.

It is time to bring lap robes so they can be delivered to

the nursing homes.

Our November 12th meet-ing will be 11:00 a.m. at Twin Towers with Nancy Wujcik as hostess. Roll Call will be a joke or funny story so we can have a laugh.

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A w

oman has got to love a bad m

an once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one. – M

arjorie Kinnan

GOD is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalms 46 : 1 KJV This is one of Laura Chatman’s favorite verses from the Bible

LetS LeArn toGether in the old testament:

1. How many books of LAW are there? Name each one.2. How many books of HISTORY are there? Name each one.3. How many books of POETRY are there? Name each one.4. How many books of MAJOR PROPHETS are there? Name each one.5. How many books of MINOR PROPHETS are there? Name each one.6. Who was the author of the book of GENESIS?7. Name what God created the first 6 days. What did God do next?8. What did the serpent say to the woman, and where is this found?9. What was the occupation of Cain and Abel?10.Which son of Adam and Eve, stated to God, “My punishment is greater then I can bear”?

Submitted by Thomas and Susan

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE, YOU CAN LEARN FROM NOAH’S ARK....

one: Don’t miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, some-one may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job

that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you’re stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by profession-als.

eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

AMeN

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMBMary had a Little Lamb,

His fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went

The Lamb was sure to go.He followed her to school each day,

It wasn’t even in the rules.It made the children laugh and play,

To have the Lamb at school.And then the rules all changed one day,

Illegal it became;To bring the Lamb of God to school,

Or even speak His name.Every day got worse and worse,

And days turned into years. Instead of hearing children laugh,

We hear gun shots and tears.What must we do to stop the crime,

That’s in our schools today?Let’s let the Lamb come back to school,

And teach our kids to PRAY!

TWIN SpRINGS BApTIST CHURCH1459 “M” HWY poplar Bluff, Mo. 63901

Announcements

November 8th - Sat. We will be showing “My Hope” by Billy Graham @ 2:00 pm

November 9th - Sun. We will be showing “My Hope” by Billy Graham @ 5:00 pm

November 16th - Thanksgiving Dinner @ 12:00

November 16th - Lord’s Supper @ 5:00 pm Service

THE OLD MAN’S TREASUREThere was once a hard-working and generous farmer who had seven idle and greedy sons.

on his deathbed he told them that they would find his treasure if they were to dig in one of the fields. As soon as the old man was dead, the sons hurried to the fields, which they dug up from one end to another, and with increasing des-peration and concentration when they did not find the treasure in the fields they called for a meeting to discuss what to do next.

Realizing that in his generosity their father must have given his

treasure away during his lifetime, they abandoned their search.

Finally, it occurred to them that, since the land had been prepared they might as well now sow a crop. They planted wheat, which pro-duced an abundant yield. They sold this crop and prospered that year.

After the harvest was in, the sons thought again about the bare possibility that they might have missed the buried treasure, so they again dug up the fields, with the same result.

After several years they became accustomed to labor, and to the cycle of the seasons, something which they had not understood before.

Now they understood the reason for their father’s method of train-ing them to farm the land, and they became honest and contented farmers.

ultimately, they found themselves possessed of sufficient wealth and no longer to wonder about his treasure. For they were their father’s treasure. Danny

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Veteran’sDay

is

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buf-falo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making It possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive fishing, making the brain operate faster. The moral of the story: Fish more, it will make you smarter.

Missouri LawMy Granddaughter in High School was amazed when an officer visit-ing her class was talking about programs said that Missouri doesn’t have self defense laws, like if someone hits you first, and you start hitting them back, it doesn’t matter who hit first because the law isn’t there to protect you, also if you assault someone on campus (and they don’t hit back) thats a felony now and it can ruin your life so don’t hit anybody and if they hit you just turn the other cheek. And say God bless you. Lee Burton

PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

As many of you are aware, the Knights of Columbus submitted to Congress that the words “under God” should be added to our pledge of allegiance. Both Houses of Congress passed the law and it was signed by President eisenhower in 1954. The information below was based on a pole taken by NBC on what percentage should keep the words in our pledge verses the per-cent who want it removed.

official versions (changes in bold italics)

1892 - “I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1892 to 1923 - “I pledge allegiance to my flag and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivis-ible with liberty and justice for all.”

1923 to 1924 - “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”

1924 to 1954 - “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united States of America, and to the republic for which it stands; one nation indivis-ible with liberty and justice for all.”

1954 to Present - “I pledge alle-giance to the flag of the united States of America, and to the repub-lic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

The Buffalo Theory of Fishing and

Brain Development:

Read ACTS 2-38 (KJVB) This is the gift of eternal life through the gift of

the HOLYGHOST.

If I meet you and you forget me, you have lost nothing/ but if you meet JESUS CHRIST and forget Him you have lost everything.

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ill not give me anything I can’t handle. I just w

ish that He didn’t trust m

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other TeresaButler county

Sheriffsdepartmentemployee

recognition

Poplar Bluff Fire

department employee

recognition

Poplar Bluff Police

department employee

recognition

investigator Popp moved to our area from Las Vegas, nevada where he served the nevada department of cor-rections. he was hired by the Butler county detention center in February 2005 as a correction’s officer. While continuing to work as a correction’s officer he enrolled with the Missouri Sheriff’s Association training Academy in August 2006. in Spring of 2007 he re-ceived Correctional Officer of the Year Award. he graduated from the academy in June 2007 and was hired by the Butler county Sheriff’s department as a road officer. in the Spring of 2009 officer Popp received the donwell clark Award.

in March of 2009 he took over work-ing as a narcotic’s officer under the MoSMArt program. during his time under MoSMArt he worked jointly with the SeMo drug task Force and attended numerous schools and classes for nar-cotics including a two week deA basic narcotics course.

in January 2012 the MoSMArt pro-gram ended, but he continued to work as a narcotic’s investigator under the JAG Grant through the SeMo drug task Force. After the JAG Grant ended he took over as a criminal - investigator where he currently serves.

chad is a firefighter stationed on B shift at Station 3, chad recieved his fire training at Mineral Area college and has been a member of PBFd since March of 2008. chad is a life long Butler county resident and is married to Jamyle Bell and has two sons chayden and Weston.

detective colvin joined the police department on March 1, 2008. he was assigned to the Patrol divi-sion as a Patrolman until May 17, 2010 when he was promoted the rank of detective. on novem-ber 3, 2011Bryce was called upon to serve our country by the Army reserves. he was released from active duty on october 15, 2012.

i have been working in the field of eMS since novem-ber of 1978. i have worked in dunklin, Pemiscot and Butler counties. i came to work for rural Metro in February of 2013. i grew up and presently live in Kennett.i graduated from Kennett

high school in 1977. i entered eMt school, Kennett Area Vo-cation School, in September of 1977 and entered paramedic school, Sikeston Public Schools, in 1979. i am a licensed private pilot and am a certified rescue diver. i am also a li-censed amateur radio operator. My call sign is Wd0BXc

chad Bell

detective Bryce colvin

Kevin Stephens

Wesley Popp - investigator

TheNew

Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won’t float!

Age before beauty is what we once said, But let’s be a bit

more realistic instead.Now The New Alphabet:

A is for arthritis;B is for bad back,C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline,e is for eyesight, can’t read that top line! F is for flatulence and fluid retention,G is for gut droop, which I’d rather not mention. H is for high blood pressure- I’d rather it low;I is for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L is for Liver need to take care of that.M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is for neuralgia, in nerves way down low; o is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new! q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!u is for urinary; troubles with flow;V is for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know.. W is for worry, now what’s going ‘round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y is for another year I’m left here behind,Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, And I’m

keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

People taking care of people…together we can do anything!

RURAL / METRO

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HappyThanksgiving!

hiLLBiLLY coMPUtin’

LoG on: Making the wood-stove hotterLoG oFF: Don’t add no more woodMonitor: Keepin an eye on that woodstovedoWnLoAd: Gettin the fire-wood off the truckMeGA hertZ: When yer not keerful gettin that farwood

downloadedFLoPPY diSK: Whutcha git from tryin to carry too much farwoodrAM: That thar thang what splits th firewoodhArd driVe: Gettin home in the winter timeProMPt: What the mail ain’t in the winter timeWindoWS: What to shut when its cold outsideScreen: What to shut when its black fly seasonBYte: Whut them dang flys dochiP: Muchies for the TVMicro chiP: Whats left in the munchie baginFrAred: Where the left over munchies go, Fred eats em

ModeM: Whatcha do to the hay fieldsdot MAtriX: Ol Dan Matrix’s wifeLAP toP: Where the kitty sleepsKeYBoArd: Where ya hang the dang keysSoFtWAre: Them dang plas-tik forks and knifesMoUSe: What eats th grain in th barnMAin FrAMe: Holds up th barn roofPort: Fancy Flatlander Wineenter: Northern fer c’mon in y’allrAndoM AcceSS MeMorY: When ya can’t member whut ya paid for yer new rifle when your wife ask

how to Get really Smart

A customer at Stingray Fish-mongers marvelled at the own-er’s quick wit and intelligence.

‘Tell me, Simon, what makes you so smart?’

‘I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone, ‘Simon replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear.’ But since you’re a good and faithful cus-tomer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.’

‘You sell them here?’ the cus-tomer asks.

‘Only $4 apiece’, says Simon.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

‘You didn’t eat enough, ‘says Simon. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

‘Hey, Simon, ‘he complains, ‘you’re selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!’

‘You see?’ says Simon, ‘you’re smarter already.’

9

People will forget w

hat you said. People will forget w

hat you did. Bu people will never forget how

you made them

feel. – Maya Angelou

LOU HOLTz NAILS IT! TOLD AS ONLY A COACH, AN OLD COACH CANWhat they say is right, there are two Americas. The America that works, and the America that doesn’t. The America that con-tributes, and the America that doesn’t. It’s not the have’s and the have not’s, it’s the do’s and the don’t’s. Some people do their duty as Americans, obey the law, support themselves, contrib-ute to society, and others don’t. That’s the divide in America.

It’s not about income inequality, it’s about civic irresponsibility. It’s about a political party that preaches hatred, greed and vic-timization in order to win elec-tive office. It’s about a politi-cal party that loves power more than it loves its country. That’s not invective, that’s truth, and it’s about time someone said it.

The politics of envy was on proud display a couple weeks ago when the President pledged the rest of his term to fighting “income inequality.” He noted that some people make more than other people, that some people have higher incomes than others, and he says that’s not just. That is the rationale of thievery.

It is the electoral philosophy that is destroying America. It con-ceals a fundamental deviation from American values and com-mon sense because it ends up not benefiting the people who support it, but a betrayal.

The Politicians have not empow-ered their followers, they have enslaved them in a culture of dependence and entitlement, of victim-hood and anger instead of ability and hope. The presi-dent’s premise – that you reduce income inequality by debasing the successful – seeks to deny the successful the consequences of their choices and spare the unsuc-cessful the consequences of their

choices. Because, by and large, income variations in society is a result of different choices leading to different consequences.

Those who choose wisely and responsibly have a far greater like-lihood of success, while those who choose foolishly and irresponsibly have a far greater likelihood of failure. Success and failure usual-ly manifest themselves in person-al and family income. You choose to drop out of high school or to skip college – and you are apt to have a different outcome than someone who gets a diploma and pushes on with purposeful educa-tion. You have your children out of wedlock and life is apt to take one course; you have them within a marriage and life is apt to take another course. Most often in life our destination is determined by the course we take.

It is not inequality the Politicians intends to take away, it is free-dom. The freedom to succeed, and the freedom to fail. There is no true option for success if there is no true option for failure. The pursuit of happiness means a whole lot less when you face the punitive hand of government if your pursuit brings you more happiness than the other guy. even if the other guy sat on his behind and did nothing. even if the other guy made a lifetime’s worth of asinine and short sight-ed decisions.

The Politicians preach equal-ity of outcome as a right, while completely ignoring inequality of effort.

The simple Law of the Harvest – as ye sow, so shall ye reap – is sometimes applied as, “The harder you work, the more you get.” Now that is turned upside down. Those who achieve are to be punished as enemies of

society and those who fail are to be rewarded as wards of society. entitlement will replace effort as the key to upward mobil-ity in American society if the Politicians get their way. They seek a lowest common denomi-nator society in which the gov-ernment besieges the successful and productive to foster equality through mediocrity. They speak of two Americas, and their grip on power is based on using the votes of one to sap the productiv-ity of the other. America is not divided by the differences in our outcomes, it is divided by the dif-ferences in our efforts.

It is a false philosophy to say one man’s success comes about unavoidably as the result of another man’s victimization.

That’s what socialists offer. Marxist class warfare wrapped up with a bow. Two Americas, coming closer each day to prov-ing the truth to Lincoln’s maxim that a house divided against itself cannot stand.

“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” Lou Holtz

Leo “Lou” Holtz (born January 6, 1937) is a retired American football coach, and active sports-caster, author, and motivational speaker.

KEEp YOUR FORK . . . Unknown Author

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. As the end of her allotted time neared, she was putting her final wishes in order. She asked her pastor to come to her house to discuss certain aspects of these wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scrip-tures she would like to be read, and which outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was pre-paring to leave when the woman suddenly remembered some-thing very important to her.

“There’s one more thing, “ she said excitedly. “What’s that?” came the pastor’s reply. “This is very important, “ the woman continued. “I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.” The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say. “That surprises you, doesn’t it?” the woman asked. “Well, to be honest, I’m puzzled by the request, “ said the pastor. The woman exclaimed, “In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitable lean over and say, “Keep your fork.” “It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming . . . like velvety chocolate cake or deep dish apple pie. Something wonderful and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in my casket with a fork in my hand and I hope they will wonder, What’s with the fork? Then I want you to tell them: Keep your forks . . . the best is yet to come!”

The pastor’s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. Even though he knew this could be the last time he would see her before her death . . . . But he also knew that something better was coming!!! At the same time, he knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She knew that something better was coming!

At the funeral people were walking by the woman’s casket and they saw the pretty dress she chose to wear and her favor-ite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the ques-tion: “What’s the fork for?” and over and over he smiled. During his message at the funeral, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh so gently, that the best is yet to come. Heaven and Jesus are waiting for you . . . .Friends, are you ready for them?

the WAY i FeeLMy Grandfather watched as his friends died in WW I. My Father watched as his friends died in WW II and Korea. I watched and waited as my brother and friends fought for and died in Vietnam. I watched as my friends fought and died in Desert Storm. I watched and waited while my son and friends fought in Iraq.

None of them fought for or died for the Mexican Flag. Everyone fought for and died for the U.S. Flag! In Texas, a

student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down. Guess who was expelled... the kid who took it down. Kids in high school in California were sent home this year on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them. Enough is enough.

The below message needs to be viewed by every American; And every American needs to stand up for America. We’ve

bent over to appease the America-haters long enough. I’m taking a stand. I’m stand-ing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fight-ing in wars for this country, and for the U.S. Flag can’t stand up...

And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message. Let me make this perfectly clear! THIS IS MY COUNTRY! And, because I make This statement DOES NOT Mean I’m against

immigration!!! YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN OUR COUNTRY! Welcome To come through legally:

1. Get a sponsor!2. Get a place to lay your head!3. Get a job!4. Live By OUR Rules!5. Pay YOUR Taxes!6.Learn the LANGUAGE like immigrants have in the past!!AND7. Please don’t demand that we hand over our lifetime

Savings of Social Security Funds to you.

If you don’t want to share this for fear of offending some-one, Then YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! When will AMERICANS STOP giv-ing away THEIR RIGHTS??? We’ve gone so far the other way... Bent over backwards not to offend anyone... But it seems no one cares about the AMERICAN CITIZEN being offended!

WAKE UP AMERICA

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The Ones That Got AwayAfter a Tuesday fishing on the River Test, near Southampton in Southern England, Trevor is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket.

He is approached by a Water Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

Trevor replies to the environmen-talist, ‘I was not fishing and I did not catch these brown trout, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and put these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I’m ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home.

The officer, obviously, does not believe him and he reminds Trevor that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, ‘If you don’t believe me then watch, ‘and he throws the trout back into the water.

The warden says, ‘Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket.’

The fisherman turns to the officer and says, ‘What fish?’

WhAt? the StiMULUS PLAn

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s

$4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and fig-uring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says,

“You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?

“The Chicago contractor whis-pers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the govern-ment official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.

Remember... Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

REX J.

CONGRESSMEN RAKE IN $608 AN HOURThe u.S. House will be in ses-sion for only eight days during a 102-day span between August 1 and November 12, which means that based on their $174,000 annual salary, lawmakers will earn $608 an hour during those days in the nation’s capital.

That figure was calculated by liberal activist Ralph Nader, assuming 10-hour workdays. He sent a letter to Speaker John Boehner on Monday, writing: “While millions of Americans are working more and more for less and less, you and your House of Representatives seem to have no problem working less and less for more and more.”

The House took a five-week vacation from Washington on August 1 and returned on September 8. After two four-

day workweeks, members left Washington again on September 18 and are not due to return until November 12 for a lame-duck session following the mid-term elections.

Their hourly wage for the eight days is several times the hour-ly compensation of anesthesi-ologists, one of the country’s highest-paid professions at an average of $113 an hour, The Hill reported.

The Senate took the same break in August and also worked just two weeks in September before leaving to campaign for the elec-tions.

Legislators and their aides argue that time spent in Washington constitutes only part of their job, and they also spend consid-

erable time meeting with and serving constituents in their home districts and states, The Hill noted.

But Nader said in an interview: “You are paid by the taxpayer to work in Congress at least a 40-hour week. If you want to do anything back home after that, that’s discretionary time. They don’t pay you to campaign for your re-election.”

even when they are in Washington, lawmakers devote much time to non-legislative matters. After the 2012 elec-tions, new members of Congress were reportedly advised to set aside four hours a day for fund-raising phone calls during their 10-hour workday.

Jack Burton

HILLS, RIDGES AND HOLLERSPaul Woods

Never lim

it yourself because other’s limited im

agination; never limit others because of your ow

n limited im

agination. – Mae Jem

ison

November ushers in the rest of the hunting and trapping seasons in Missouri. The most interest in the seasons is the waterfowl and the whitetail deer seasons. There also is a lot of interest in the furbearer hunting and trap-ping seasons.

When I was growing up, quail hunting was one of the big seasons but there isn’t that much interest in quail hunt-ing now. The populations of these birds has dwindled in our area and there aren’t that many hunters who indulge in that sport.

There is a lot of excitement at the flushing of a covey of birds and picking out one or two to bag. I can remember

one covey that I pulled a triple on the flush. The first one went to my left, the sec-ond straight away and the third fell to the right. I was rabbit hunting on that trip, just a kid that walked out from town. I did get some rabbits also.

The duck season this year appears to be a good one with an abundant north country reproduction. As always, the waterfowl sea-son success depends on the weather conditions and the water levels in the state.

Here in the Middle Zone, the youth hunt has come and gone, Oct. 25 and 26. The regular season is Nov. 1 to Dec. 30 in our Middle

Zone. For some inexplicable reason, the people who set up the zones used Highway 60 as much as possible but dipped farther south to include Otter Slough in that zone.

Be sure to get your Waterfowl Hunting Digest at your license dealer. There are always changes that might cause you problems with the conserva-tion commission agents. One thing for sure, don’t have any shells with lead pellets in your possession while waterfowl hunting.

The whitetail deer season is the biggest attraction for hunters in the state. There are two days of youth hunt-ing, Nov. 1 and 2. The regular

firearms season is from Nov. 15 to 25. This gives hunters 11 days to fill their tags.

If you are a lucky hunter who has bonus deer, please remember the “Share the Harvest” program. The area process plants participate and the meat that is given in this program is well used and those who receive it appreciate the generosity of the hunters.

There are several processors in the area. The ones I know about are Ozark Meats in Carter County off B Highway between Highway 60 and Highway 21.That one is close to me and I check with him regularly about the number of deer he processes. Last

year he had around 1,300 deer processed during the firearms and archery seasons.

There also are plants in Piedmont. Puxico, Zalma, and Doniphan. As I men-tioned about the waterfowl regulations, there are many more changes in the deer hunting brochure so be sure to get yours when you get your deer tags. I have 25 acres here and qualify for free per-mits. My hope is that this year my drought on deer har-vest is over and I end the sea-son with meat in the freezer.

I would like to harvest one like the first deer that I tagged years ago. Back in

those ancient days, there was a three-day season and I bagged a deer that weighed 90 pounds. The way my mom fixed it, you couldn’t tell that it was wild meat. My wife learned how to cook most wild game from my mother and both of them are at the top of the list in wild game cookery.

I don’t want to forget fish-ing. With the water getting colder in area lakes and riv-ers, the fish are usually feed-ing heavily, getting ready for winter weather.

Until next month, Paul Woods.

11

A FiShinG StorY FroM SoUth cAroLinA

On a warm summer day my wife and I went fishing at a fishing hole I had heard about that had good access from the main road. We drove down a country road and set up for a nice quiet peace-ful fishing afternoon. We set up lawn chairs and got our hooks baited and dropped the line into the river.

After about 15 or 20 minutes a catfish took my bait, and it hit hard, when I could see the fish it looked like it would weigh about 18 to 20 lbs. It was twisting and turning in the water. My wife took the pole and I jumped off the bank so I could get the net under the fish I sure didn’t want to lose this one. I did get him in the net but he was thrashing about so that he flipped right back out.

There was also a small gator watching the show, I guess he thought he had an easy dinner coming. “The fish or me.” Well I took the net and smack at him and he did back off a bit. I gave up on netting the fish and by the time I got out of the water the fish had gotten off the hook

I don’t think I have ever moved that fast, it was no place to be.Well we packed up and got out of there with no fish.

So we left the gator and the

fish to enjoy the fishing hole. Or so I thought, well, as I had brought a change of clothes as I always do when we go fishing. I got behind a bush to change into dry clothes, I seen that my billfold had got-ten wet and I laid it on a rock to dry, about that time I heard a boat coming and I stepped into the bushes so as not to be seen and finished getting dressed.

About half way home my wife ask me to stop at a small quick stop and get her a soda. Well when I was to pay was when I realized I did not have me wallet.

So back we go to the fishing hole, When I went down to get my wallet the gator was right there, I picked up a stick and tried to chase him away, but he wouldn’t move, so I was able to fish my wallet away from the gator, I grab it and ran like crazy.

We are home now and I’m glad about that. Looks like we all lived to see another day.

Roberta & Robert Burton’s one day of fishing

SHOULD HAVE ApOLOGIzED

A man goes into a sporting goods store to buy a fish-ing rod to give to his wife for her birthday. A sales-man wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, “Can I help you sir?”

“Well, I’d like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?” he replies.

The salesman replies, “I’m sorry sir but I am blind and cannot see the rod you’re referring to. However, if you’ll drop it on the counter, I’ll tell you all about it as I can tell rods by the sound they make.”

So the man picks up the rod and drops it on the counter.

“That’s a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6’2” long, medium action - costs $55.95,” he says.

The man is amazed. He asks if he can try again. Finding another rod, he drops it on the counter.

“That’s an Orion 35C, graphite, saltwater cast-ing rod, 7’ even - costs $135.00,” he responds.

Impressed, the man decides to buy the sec-ond rod. As the blind clerk is ringing up the sale, the man walks a short distance away to look at fishing reels. As he returns to the counter, he cannot help himself, and makes a distintive sound as he passes gas. Embarrassed, but figur-ing the clerk will have no idea who did it, he elects not to apologize.

Finished with the sales tally, the clerk says, “That will be $170.00” “What?” says the man. “You said the rod was only $135.00.”

“That’s right sir,” says the clerk. “$135.00 for the rod, $35.00 for the duck call.”

12

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HOW FREE ARE YOU?

If freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led,

like sheep to the slaughter. –George Washington

During the Revolutionary Era, pastors spoke out from the pulpit encouraging dissent and calling for freedom – the prelude to the birth of our country . . . a country built upon free speech.

As the law stands today, pastors no longer enjoy the right to freedom of speech. They must exercise caution so as not to run afoul of IRS regulations – putting their tax-exempt status at risk.

But we have the potential to change the law and end this dis-crimination through H.R. 127; to restore the free speech and First Amendment rights of churches and exempt organizations by repealing the 1954 Johnson Amendment.

NO, MR. PRESIDENT,

YOU CAN’T DO WHATEVER YOU

WANT.

The Founding Fathers knew that the

government’s power needed to be divided in order to keep America safe from the tyranny that plagued Europe.

So they set up an ingenious three-part federal government:

Legislative (Congress): Makes the laws.

Cannot enforce or pass final judgment on laws.

Executive (President): Enforces the laws.

Cannot make or pass final judgment on laws.

Judicial (Courts): Interprets, passes judgment on the

validity of, the laws.Cannot make or

enforce laws.