May 2015 • Volume 2, No. 8

Black River TimesFREE every month

“God’s Helpers” by George W. Wiseman

God could not be in every placeWith loving hands to help erase

The teardrops from each baby’s face,And so He thought of mother.

He could not send us here aloneAnd leave us to a fate unknown;Without providing for His own,

The outstretched arms of mother.

God could not watch us night and dayAnd kneel beside our crib to pray,

Or kiss our little aches away;And so He sent us mother.

And when our childhood days began,He simply could not take command.That’s why He placed our tiny hand

Securely into mother’s.

The days of youth slipped quickly by,Life’s sun rose higher in the sky.

Full grown were we, yet ever nighTo love us still, was mother.

And when life’s span of years shall end,I know that God will gladly send,

To welcome home her child again,That ever-faithful mother.

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The AARP America Doesn’t Know

“Thanks to just-released emails from the House Energy and Commerce Committee, we now know that AARP worked through 2009-10 as an exten-sion of a Democratic White House, tolling daily to pass a health bill that slashes $716 bil-lion from Medicare, strips seniors of choice, and sets the stage for rationing We know that despite AARP’s awareness that its seniors overwhelmingly opposed the bill, the “nonpartisan membership organization” chose to serve the president’s agenda.

The 71 pages of emails show an AARP management taking orders from the White House, scripting the president’s talking points, working to keep its board “in line”, and pledging fealty to “the cause.” Seniors deserve to know all of this, as AARP seeks to present itself as neutral

Written by Kimberly A. Strassel

the Perfect Diet

A terribly overweight blonde woman goes to her doc-tor about her weight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat vegetables and grains for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” “No, from skipping.”

Four Letter WordsA young couple got mar-ried and went on a cruise for their honeymoon When they got back home the bride immediately called her mom, who lived three hours away.

Well, darling , said her mom, How was your hon-eymoon?

It was wonderful, and so romantic. We had a great time, said the bride, but as soon as we got home he started using really horri-ble language. Words I have

never heard before. Really horrible four-letter words! You’ve got to come and get me... PLEASE.

Then the bride began to sob over the phone. PLEASE, mom come and get me, begged the bride.

But honey what did he say, what four letter words, you have to tell me what’s trou-bling you, said the mom.

Still sobbing the bride said to her mother... Words like DUST, IRON, COOK, AND

WASH! Oh hurry come and get me, PLEASE..PLEASE

Across:

3. The lily of the val-ley is almost always this color. 6. Give flowers to your____ this month. 8. Serve Mom ____in bed.10. Mother’s Day is the ______ Sunday in May.11. You’ll want to wear these colors on Memorial Day. (4 words).12. Moms love hugs and _____.

Down:

1. May’s flower is the ______ or haw-thorn plant. (4 words) 2. April showers bring May ______

4. How many days in May? (2 words) 5. The yellow _____ blooms in May. 7. The fifth month of

the year.9. May Day is the ___day of May.

3

There is only one pretty child in the w

orld, and every mother has it. ~ Chinese Proverb

kids pagePatriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. ~ Mark Twain

Answers on page 11

Q: What do you get when you plant kisses? A: Tu-lips (two-lips)

Q: What pet makes the loud-est noise? A: A trum-pet!

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny!

Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? A: She had a make-up exam!

Q: What is a bub-bles least favorite drink? A: Soda POP

Q: What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? A: Shadow.

Q: Name a city where no one

goes? A: Electricity

Q: What four let-ters will frighten a burglar? A: O I C U

Q: What’s the dif-ference between a cat and a frog? A: A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up every-thing!

Q: Where does bad light go? A: To prism!

Q: I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can’t talk, and a bed, but I do not sleep. What am I? A: A River.

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Y A M i L i t A r Y n B Y

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S J e W e L r Y L i M A FMOMMAYFLOWERSFAMILY

ADORELOVEPICNICSBARBEQUE

BEACHHOPSCOTCHTHANKSSUNDAYKISS HUG DAUGHTERSONMOTHER FATHERCHILDJEWELRYPERFUMESOLDIERRESPECTBANDADMIRATIONMILITARYNATION

VALOR VETERAN SPRING

4

Across: 1. Mother in a nursery rhyme 4. It is the most famous horse race in the United States takes place on the first Saturday in May at Churchill Downs, Louisville, Kentucky. (2 words) 8. A special day to do things for your mother. (2 words)11. _____are the traditional flower for Mother’s Day.16. Around 70 million pounds of _________are eaten on Cinco de Mayo in the US.18. The fifth month of the year21. On May 1, 1931, the _____ Building was officially opened. (2 words)22. April______bring May flowers.23. Harry S Truman and ____ are the only presidents born in May. (3 words)24. Birthstone of May25. Special meal between break-fast and lunch.26. Mother of Jacob and Esau

Down: 2. Gaining an extra hour in spring to make better use of daylight. (3 words) 3. Last Monday of May (2 words) 5. To help someone grow up. 6. Each Mother’s Day, around $2 billion is spent in the United States on_________.

7. First day of May (2 words) 9. If you fly a US flag on Memorial Day, be sure to fly it at _______until noon. (2 words)10. A popular gift to give Mom is _________ in bed12. During Memorial Day, at 3pm local time, observe the National Moment of __________.13. 5th day of May (3 words)14. Marry in May and you’ll rue the ___

15. The strong feeling of affection which you have for your mother.17. Biblical mother of Isaac19. A tool you hold in your hand to keep yourself mostly dry in rain.20. The first full week of May is National _________Week

Solution on page 11

CANE CREEK COMMUNITY CLUB

THE AGEE COMMUNITY CLUBThe Agee Community Club met on April 9th, 2015 at The Bread Company.

This month’s hostess was Nadine Johnson. Vice President Nickey Orton opened the meeting with the ladies repeating the club motto. “When the heart is full of love the world is full of beauty”. Invocation was given by Jeanie Figgins. Devotional was from 1 Corinthians 1-7 and read by Orton. Roll call was: What beautiful flowers do you enjoy in April?

Secretary and Treasurers reports were given by Figgins. There was no new or old business.

A belated birthday card was signed and given to Orton. Johnson gave a lesson on uses for Jiffy Cornmeal mix, and gave each lady a box. The first use is that you can sprinkle it on an ant mound and within hours

the cornmeal mix will be gone and so will all of the ants. The second use is to mix it with a can of crushed pineapple and bake muffins.

Then she spoke of the springs in Missouri and used photos from an arti-cle found in the Rural MO Magazine that Ozark Border puts out. She spoke of Blue Spring, how it is deep and looks much like Round Spring, and how it is the 6th largest spring. Then she spoke of going to Falling Spring and Mill in the Mark Twain Forest in Oregon County, then the Delightfully Dillard Grist Mill in Southern Crawford County. Each lady was given a new Missouri road map and a new copy of the Black River Times.

The ladies read articles from various publica-tions as follows: Figgins read, “Attitude” by

Ted Engstrom found in the Black River Times and “What’s up with Umbrellas?” author unknown. Then Figgins read a poem that was written by retired club member Orel Smith titled, “Such Joy”. Orton read, “Weather Proverbs” from The Old Farmer’s Almanac that was found in the Rural MO Magazine. Johnson showed and read an article from Good Housekeeping about how to dip dye marshmallows, that was in the April 2015 edition.

Hostess for May will be Orton, who was also this month’s door prize win-ner. Club President Cathy Womack had been unable to attend and was missed by the ladies.

The ladies dismissed by repeating the club collect. “Be Still and Know that I am God”, Psalms 46:10.

Jeanie Figgins, Reporter

Cane Creek Community Club met for its April 8th meeting in the home of Irma Epps.

Our business meeting was opened by repeating the Pledge of Allegiance to our flag. President Nancy Wujick asked for the secretary’s and trea-surer’s reports. Both approved as read. Our account balance was $30.85. We received a thank you note from Recycling Grace for our contribution.

Glenda Phillips game was “She’s a lady.” Glenda also gave the devotional “A Quilter’s Devotion” by Ruth Ann, a quilter. I Corinthians 13:13, “Meanwhile there remains these three, Faith, Hope and Charity. But the greater of these is Charity.” In the making of my life’s quilt, the backing is faith, the top is hope and the filling is God’s love.

The thought for the day was “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” Confucius.

A motion was made by Marie Boxx and seconded by Nancy Wujick to give $25.00 to UCAN in memory of Jesse Anderson who recently passed away from cancer.

Our project for May is to bring games to be given to Recycling Grace.

We closed reciting our club collect and Wilma Rains gave the blessing on the food. Don Epps, Irma’s son who is a chef on a river boat served us a lunch of stir fry.

After lunch we were taken to Irma’s museum to see her many pretty quilts - approxi-mately 25 to 30.

May 13th club meeting will meet at Twin Towers with Ruth Anderson as hostess. Marie Boxx’s program will be a famous Missourian, J. C. Penney. Roll call will be “something you would like to do or some place you would like to go.”

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Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. ~ John F. Kennedy

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Adlai Stevenson’s statement,

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5

Mom

, when thoughts of you are in our hearts, w

e are never far from hom

e. ~ Author Unknow

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The wicked shall be turned into HELL, and all the Nations that forget GOD.

Psalms 9: 17 KJV

We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them. ~ Francis A. Walker

1. In the book of Mark, how many times did Jesus prophesize his Crucifixion and Resurrection ? 2. How many books of the Old Testament consist of only one chapter ? 3. How many books of the New Testament have only one chapter? 4. Which are the middle two books of the Bible? 5. Which is the shortest Gospel? 6. How many chapters are in the book of Ruth? 7. How many Levites were among the Israelites when they arrived in Moab? 8. Who was the fifth generation from Adam and Eve? 9. How many children did Job have?10. How many daughters did Job have?

Answers on page 11

tWin SPrinGS BAPtiSt chUrch1459 “M” hwy Poplar Bluff

Sunday - Sunday School -10:00 amMorning Worship - 11:00 am Evening Worship - 5:00 pm

Wednesday Services - 7:00 pm

May 9th - Mother’s Day BBQ - 5:00pmMay 16th - Men’s Prayer Breakfast - 8:00 am

“People are often unreasonable and

self centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people

may accuse you of ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.If you are honest,

people may cheat you.Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.The good you do

today may be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.Give the world the best

you have and it may never be enough.Give your best anyway.For you see, in the end, it is between you and

God.It was never between you

and them anyway.” ~ Mother Teresa

THE CARpENTEROnce upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side,sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collabora-tion fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox: “I’m looking for a few days’ work,” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?”

“Yes,” said the older brother. “I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neigh-bor. In fact, it’s my younger brother!

Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence – so I won’t need to see his place or his face anymore.”

The carpenter said, “I think I under-

stand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.”

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day – measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer’s eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped.

There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge... A bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, hand-rails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched..

“You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.”

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each others hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder.

“No, wait! Stay a few days. I’ve a lot of other projects for you,” said the older brother.

“I’d love to stay on,” the carpenter said, “but I have many more bridges to build.”

May 10th, 2015

6

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Ticket ExcuseA man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror.

He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures he can’t outrun the cop and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said, “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear-view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!

My Mom taught me:

religion:“You better pray that comes out of the carpet”Logic:“Because I said so, that’s why”lrony:“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry-about” Wisdom:“When you get to my age you’ll understand”Justice:“One day you’ll have kids, I hope they turn out just like you!!”

A man loves his sweetheart the

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7

For love of counry, they accepted death. ~ James A. GarfieldM

others hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~ Author U

nknown

Butler countySheriffs

Departmentemployee

recognition

Poplar Bluff Fire

Department employee

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Poplar Bluff Police

Department employee

recognition

Matt graduated from the Missouri Sheriff’s Asso-ciation training Academy with a class A License in May 2009. in August 2010 he starting serving as a reserve officer for the Butler county Sheriff’s office and was hired full time as a correction’s of-ficer in the Butler county

Detention center where he served until September 2011. in September 2011 he transitioned from the jail to communications as a communication’s offi-cer. in January 2013 Matt was moved from commu-nication’s to the road to serve as a road officer.

roy is the captain on c shift assigned to Station 2. roy began his career at PBFD in July of 2002 after moving here from Virginia where he was a firefighter for the howard county Fire Department. roy was promoted to the rank of captain in September of

2008. roy received his fire training through the howard county Fire train-ing Acadamy, University of Missouri, three rivers college and the State Fire Marshals office. roy is married to teresa Lane and they have one son, Steven.

Detective Leigh Morgan started with the Poplar Bluff Police Department in March of 1997 as a member of the communications Division. in August of 1998 she grad-uated from the SeMo Law enforcement Academy and joined the department’s re-serve Division. Detective Morgan was hired

as a full-time Patrol officer in August of 2001, and she was promoted to the crimi-nal investigations Division in September of 2004. Detective Morgan has spe-cialized training in interview and interrogation, Foren-sic interview of children, Search and Seizure, and crime Scene investigations.

Worked for rural Metro for less than a year. i live in Ad-vance Mo, have been a eMt for 4 years. has 2 beauti-ful daughters cur-rently enrolled in Semo to pursue a degree in the Medi-cal Field.

captain roy Lane

DetectiveLeigh Morgan

Aimee harper

Matt Ward

People taking care of people…together we can do anything!

RURAL / METRO

A DoG StorY

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back-yard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,’ the Lab replies.” After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world lead-ers, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdrop-ping.” “I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running”.

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some under-cover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals”. “I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired”.

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the guy says. “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap”?

“Because he’s a liar. He’s never been out of the yard!”

8

Mot

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love

beg

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~ Ro

bert

Bro

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Poplar Bluff, MO 63901

573-785-2023

Walmart Supercenter is next to us!We Accept Most Major Credit Cards

The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem. ~ Aaron Kilbourn

Johnny and Lee talkingJohnny: Well, I blowed the end of a barrel of a shotgun off one time rabbit hunting in the snow. I crossed a fence and I didn’t realize what I’d done and packed the end of the barrel with snow, well it don’t take much packed in the end of a barrel with all the pressure coming out of the bar-rel. Just being snow you’d think it would just blow it out, But no not this time.

Lee: yeah you’d think so.

Johnny: But it blew that barrel off right in front of the forearm and when it blowed it off it came back and hit me in the side and the barrel bounced off my side from here to that tree. Just luckily the smooth end hit me. The other end was jagged and broke off. I had a big old bruise there for 4-5 days or 6 where that barrel hit me in the side. That’s the first and I hope the last time that ever happens. Now I always check my gun, especially in the snow and in the mud. You know, I tell them boys check your guns after cross-ing fences and stuff. I’ll make Connor use a .20 gauge single

barrel. With a single barrel you got one shot, with an automatic a kid might get excited when they shoot and another shell loads up. If they don’t put the safety on, they’re walking around trig-ger ready to shoot. But with a single barrel he’s gotta break it down, put another shell in it, that’s more time to think about what he’s doing. Every once in a while I’ll tell him, I’ll say “break your shotgun down, and look through it, make sure you ain’t got your barrel plugged.” I don’t want what happened to me to happen to him.

Lee: Don’t need that, that’s for sure. I used to do a lot of squirrel hunting out there on the farm. I had a dog that was a good squir-rel dog. He was our pet. He liked to go with me to hunt.

Johnny: He’d tree squirrels ?

Lee: Yeah, I remember this one time, well I always hunted with that .22 rifle. This squirrel took off up a tree and got in a nest in the top of the tree of course,. I couldn’t see the squirrel just see his tail once in a while flipping. I

thought, well, don’t know for sure but I’ll just shoot into the nest and maybe get lucky, as luck would have it he came out of the nest and hit the grown, and the dog jumped right on him. I ran over there and got him away from the dog and I was wondering where I hit him at and I looked and looked and looked and couldn’t find no place I hit him. But he was dead.

Johnny: Well, I’ll be!

Lee: When I got home, I skinned him and it had went up his paw, that .22 had went up his paw to his heart. I guess it went to his heart and hit it’s back and broke it’s back. And that shell was in there in his back

Johnny: Still lodged in his back. Well, I’ll be!

Lee: that was a strange

Johnny: Kind of a odd-oddity, wudnit?

Lee: Something that you won’t forget! Something like that. Won’t forget that.

Johnny: Did you ever hear about that Old boy that lived up there

close to Hillard? The old boy was squirrel hunting and he come in, coming out of the woods, he had his limit, he had six squir-rels. Game Warden was sitting there waiting on him. Well, Game Warden looked at his license and everything and he got to looking and he said, “Did you kill theses squirrels with a sling shot?” and old boy said, “No, I don’t have no weapon or nothing at all.” Game Warden said, “How in the world you kill squirrels if you don’t have nothing to kill them with?” Old boy said, “Well, I’m so ugly, if I could ever get them to look at me, they’ll just quiver and fall out the tree.” Game Warden told him, “Well, I’ll tell you what. You are pretty ugly, but I’d have to see this.” Old boy said, “Well, I got six squirrels.” Game warden said, “I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you get one more. I’ve been a Game Warden for 25 years and never heard nothing like this.” so they take off down back through the woods. Finally they found a squir-rel. That squirrel went around a tree and that old boy kept going around. He was looking up. Finally that squirrel looked

down at him, he just quivered all over, fell down and hit the ground. Game Warden said, “Well, I’ll be! That’s the first I’ve ever seen anything like that in my life! Is there anybody else in your fam-ily that can do this?” Old boy said, “Well, yeah, actually, my wife can.” Game Warden said, “Why don’t you bring her and she can get her limit?” Old boy said, “We tried it, but she tears them up too bad.” She was REALLY ugly! She tore them squirrels up too bad! He said he couldn’t take her on hunts, she tore them up so bad there wasn’t anything left to cook. There was a noise com-ing from the house. Old boy said here comes my wife now. The Game Warden turn to see his wife and seen her face and fell to the grown knock out cold. Old boy told his wife to take the squirrels and get back to the house and he would get the Game Warden back onto his feet, I don’t want him to look at your face again it might just Kill him. Well enough of this talking it’s supper time and we’re having Squirrel gravy and fried potatoes with biscuits, and ice tea.

Butler CountyLandlordAssociation

RENTERS looking for property can look online!www.rentpoplarbluff.com

Meets the 1st Tuesday of each month at 6:30 p.m. in the Key Drugs Conference Room.

922 N. Westwood Blvd. • Poplar Bluff, MOAll Landlords Welcome

Lost WordsOK this only goes to those of a certain age

“Don’t touch that dial,” “Carbon copy,” “You sound like a broken record” “Hung out to dry.” Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We’d put on our best bib and tucker and straighten up and fly right. Hubba-hubba! We’d cut a rug in some juke joint and then go necking and petting and smooching and spooning and billing and cooing and pitching woo in hot rods and jalopies in some passion pit or lovers’ lane.

Gee whillikers! Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when’s the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, “I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” “This is a fine kettle of fish!”

Poof, poof, poof go the words of our youth, the words we’ve left behind. We blink, and they’re gone, evanesced from the landscape and wordscape of our perception, like Mickey Mouse wristwatches, hula hoops, skate keys, candy cigarettes, little wax bottles of colored sugar water and an organ grinder’s monkey. The milkman did it. Think about the starving Armenians.

Bigger than a bread box. Banned in Boston. The very idea! It’s your nickel. Don’t forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Turn-of-the-century. Iron curtain. Domino theory. Fail safe. Civil defense. Fiddlesticks! You look like the wreck of the Hesperus. Cooties. Going like sixty. I’ll see you in the funny papers. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Heavens to Murgatroyd! And awa-a-ay we go!

Oh, my stars and garters! It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter had liver pills. I am sure there are a lot of other words that sould be in here. We of a certain age have been blessed. We sure have seen a lot of changes.

I’ll run over and pick up both our Welfare cheques. Then drop by the University to see what’s holding up our Federal Education grants. Meanwhile you go to the free clinic for a pregnancy test & if it’s positive, fill out the necessary papers for asistance and baby bonus. Oh and pick p my free glasses. and Tehn we will meet at the federal bulding at noon for the mass picketing of the stinking establishment. Oh and free cell phones.

Memorial Day - May 25th

9

A m

other understands what a child does not say. ~ Author U

nkown

h A S L M o Y S r e A t L M h o U i F

Y t c U h L M r P L r U r D P D r r i

e M A t o o B e e D i A Y r L e W e J

L e o K A i e S L A n Y c r M r D t L

L V e t e r A n U L D J A i e B h h h

A e P r h L c W J h i F e D n h A G o

V A r U A e h o t M A V A r n G t U t

e L G c A J r D n M n r S U M U S A h

h V r D M M i L i t A r Y i h o S D F

t n o i t A n L M P t h c n U r B M i

F L S L G A Y i n D i A n A P o L i S

o S e S o r e h t r o F n U r h L r B

Y P G A t S e c r e t A r i A t e A D

L r A A c t c r M n S h r S h W r t e

i i r K e n t U c K Y o D A o B D i M

L n L r P o F h S W L t n L e n A o S

F G A n S r A c S A n K F Q i V U n e

n o n o e o o Y V t S r U o A h U r D

D i D P r r S o L D i e r o D A c e L

On thy grave the rain shall fall from the eyes of a mighty nation! ~ Thomas William Parsons

BRUNCH

ADORE

BEACH

RACING

MOTHER

PERFUME

ADMIRATION

VETERAN

INDIANA

HATS

ROSE GARLAND

MAY

LOVE

NASCAR

HUG

FATHER

SOLDIER

MILITARY

SPRING

CHURCHILL DOWNS

MINT JULEP

LILY OF THE VALLEY

FLOWERS

PARADE

THANKS

DAUGHTER

CHILD

RESPECT

NATION

KENTUCKYLOUISVILLE

SECRETARIAT

FAMILY

BARBEQUE

SUNDAY

SON

JEWELRY

BAND

VALOR

INDIANAPOLIS

THOROUGHBRED

RUN FOR THE ROSES

Heaven BoundA man dies and goes to heaven. Expecting a long line, he is surprised to see nobody there at all, except for an angel sit-ting in a chair with his feet up on a table.

Hello there, said the angel, I’m Saint Peter, welcome to heaven. Thank you, Saint Peter, said the man, where is everyone ?

Well, you’re in luck, today is just a very slow day, and to make the time pass, I like to give tours to the new arrivals. Would you enjoy a complete guided tour of heaven ?

Gosh, I’d love a tour of heaven... lead on, Saint Peter, lead on.

Well Saint Peter takes him everywhere. They go to hear the Heavenly Choir, three hun-dred angels singing on high. They go to the great Hall of Saints and great Temple of Martyrs and the man is just overwhelmed. Finally, Saint Peter takes him to the Throne Room of GOD himself.

The man’s heart skips a beat and the light at the far end of

the room just blinds him to the point that he can’t stand it any longer. He is escorted out. Then Saint Peter walks him into a huge room filled with thousands and thousands of clocks. Large and small, all shapes, all kinds.

The man is puzzled. He asks, What is this room full of clocks all about ? In a lecturing tone, Saint Peter describes, This is the room of souls.

Each clock in the room repre-sents a single human soul. The time on each clock represents how long each is to live. Each and every time a person lies, however, the hands of the clock move a bit faster.

The man glances up and notices a huge clock, facing downward, whizzing around at a great rate of speed. His curiosity gets the better of him and he asks.

What about that clock over there. Oh that one. That’s Obama’s clock. We have been using it as a fan, but it throws off a lot of hot air.

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WHAT THEN?When all the great plants of our cities,

Have turned out their last finished work;When our merchants have made the last bargain,

And dismissed the last tired clerk;When our banks have raked in the last dollar,

And have paid out the last dividend;When the Judge of the Earth says,

“Close for the Night!”And asks for a Balance, – WHAT THEN?

When the choir has sung its last anthem, And the preacher has said his last prayer;

When the people have heard their last sermon, And the sound has died out on the air;

When the Bible lies closed on the pulpit, And the pews are all empty of men;

When each one stands facing his record,And the Great Book is opened, – WHAT THEN?

When the actors have played their last drama, And the mimic has made his last fun;

When the movies have flashed the last picture, And the billboard displayed its last run;

When the crowds seeking pleasure have vanished,And have gone into darkness again;

And the world that rejected its Saviour,Is asked reason, – WHAT THEN?

When the bugle’s last call sinks in silence,And the long marching columns stand still;When the captain has giv’n his last order,

And they’ve captured the last fort and hill;When the flag has been hauled from the masthead,

And the wounded afield have checked in; When the trumpet of Ages is sounded,

And we stand up before Him, – WHAT THEN?

Mother’S DAY

The modern American holi-day of Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother in Grafton, West Virginia. Her campaign to make “Mother’s Day” a recognized holiday in the United States began in 1905, the year her beloved mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, died.

Anna’s mission was to honor her own mother by continuing work she started and to set aside a day to honor mothers, “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world”. Anna’s mother, Ann Jarvis, was a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the Civil War and created Mother’s Day Work Clubs to address public health issues.

Due to the campaign efforts of Anna Jarvis, several states officially recognized Mother’s Day, the first in

1910 being West Virginia, Jarvis’ home state.

In 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed the proclamation creating Mother’s Day, the second Sunday in May, as a national holiday to honor mothers.

Although Jarvis was suc-cessful in founding Mother’s Day she soon became resentful of the commer-cialization and was angry that companies would profit from the holiday.

By the early 1920’s, Hallmark and other compa-nies started selling Mother’s Day cards. Jarvis became so embittered by what she saw as misinterpretation and exploitation that she protested and even tried to rescind Mother’s Day. The holiday that she worked so hard for was supposed to be about sentiment, not about profit.

Jarvis’s intention for the hol-iday had been for people to appreciate and honor moth-ers by writing a personal letter, by hand, expressing love and gratitude, rather than buying gifts and pre-made cards.

Jarvis organized boycotts and threatened lawsuits to try to stop the commer-cialization. She crashed a candymakers’ convention in Philadelphia in 1923. Two years later she protested at a confab of the American War Mothers, which raised money by selling carna-tions, the flower associated with Mother’s Day, and was arrested for disturbing the peace.

Jarvis died bitter, alone and childless, hating the mod-ern shape of the holiday.

Jarvis’s holiday was adopt-ed by other countries and it is now celebrated all over the world.

God Will ProvideA young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar,” he replies.

“A Torah scholar. Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in,as she’s accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engage-ment ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”

“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?” “Don’t worry, sir. God will provide,” replies the fiance.

The conversation proceeds like this and each time the father questions the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”

The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.

HILLS, RIDGES AND HOLLERSPaul Woods

Being a full-time m

other is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~ M

ildred B. Vermont

This column is being writ-ten a little early this month as I plan for the first time to seriously do some turkey hunting this season and I don’t want to get tied up in hunting and forget to do my job so this article is being written just past the middle of April.

Income taxes have been filed and it irks me some as I have not had to pay any tax since the year that I retired. I still have to file even living on Social Security and a small union pension. The pension is small because the former employer refused to pay $1 per shift into the fund and hold it out of my paycheck each week. That’s history and the small amount comes in

handy to supplement the s.s. each month.

I am going to turkey hunt because my great-grandson Brayden wants me to hunt with him so he can legally hunt. He is going to hunt on our own property with a landowner permit and he knows the acreage well enough to hunt but his age requires an adult who is qualified to hunt with him or to at least go with him. My age qualifies me to take him along.

Unless we get a lot more rain-fall, the bass tournaments at Lake Wappapello should have good fishing condi-tions. The first one in May is on the 3rd with Angler’s

Choice fishing from Redman Creek with a 6 a.m. launch time and weigh-in at 3 p.m. May 30 the Wappapello Bass Circuit will also have their monthly event at Redman Creek. Starting time is 5:30 a.m. and weigh-in is at 3 p.m.

Competition coon hunts pick up in numbers during May with the first Arkansas hunt at Walnut Ridge May 1. They will also have a show. Other events in Arkansas are Knobel on May 9 with show and hunt; Ravenden Spring has a hunt May 23.

Missouri events for U.K.C. are at Doniphan May 8, Patton May 8, Marble Hill May 9, Kinder May 16, West

Plains May 16, Kinder May 20, Daisy May 23, Patterson May 29, Poplar Bluff May 30.

I believe all the Missouri hunts also have shows scheduled. The SEMO club at Kinder also has a water race scheduled for each of their dates.

My wife and I have wit-nessed quite a bit of game on our trips to Poplar Bluff for shopping and church.

We have seen several deer. Most of them are does with fawns or small deer which are extremely small for this time of year. I believe that these fawns were born last fall. I have talked with a few hunters who passed up deer last season because they said

they were too small. One even said he had a fawn come by him that still had it’s spots. That one had to be a late summer or early fall birth.

Crappie fishing at Wappapello, Clearwater and Duck Creek has been good according to reports that I have received in preparation for this column.

The rule of thumb is “When the dogwood leaves get as big as squirrels ears, the crappie are on their beds.” It was pretty cold when the dog-wood leaves got that big this year and I believe the crap-pie spawn came a little after that. The dogwood blooms

around here were great this year and I got a small dose of fishing fever when those blooms came on. It looks like the area fruit trees escaped a killing frost this spring and there appears to be a good crop o: wild cherries on the trees around our house.

There is a good crop squir-rels in the north end of Poplar Bluff. every time I drive through streets that I regularly travel, I see lots of squirrels. I hope the wild ones reproduced like the city slickers.

11

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something. ~ Joseph Campbell

BIBLE QUIZ ANSWERS

1. 6 2. 1 3. 4 4. Daniel & Hosea 5. John 6. 3 7. 23,000 8. Jared 9. 1010. 9

GUn LAWS

West Virginia Gun Laws

Governor Earl Ray Tomblin (D) signed Senate Bill 284 into law. SB 284 requires that a chief law enforce-ment officer (CLEO) sign an application for the transfer of any item regu-lated under the National Firearms Act (NFA) within 30 days if the applicant is not prohibited by law from receiving it. By removing any possibility of personal bias and creating a state-wide standard, SB 284 protects the rights of law-abiding gun owners across the Mountain State. Plus House Bill 2128, House Bill 2636 and Senate Bill 284 have all been signed by Governor Tomblin and will take effect later this year. HB 2128, permits individuals with a con-cealed handgun license to legally store a firearm in their private vehicle on state Capitol grounds. Governor Tomblin signed HB 2128 on March 31 and it will take effect on June 10, 2015. HB 2636, exempts information con-tained in a concealed handgun license appli-cation from the Freedom

of Information Act. This respects all law-abiding concealed carry holders’ right to privacy by clos-ing to the public the list of residents with concealed carry licenses. Governor Tomblin signed HB 2636 on April 1 and it will take effect on June 12, 2105.---Bill: HB 2515 were the following pro-hunting and pro-gun amendments that strengthened an already well-crafted piece of leg-islation:

Crossbow hunting has been added for hunters across the state during rifle season.

A straightforward Sunday Hunting question has now been authorized to appear on local ballots in those counties who currently do not have the availability to do so.

Defining the legal open carry of a firearm while in the woods has been added for anyone legally allowed to possess a fire-arm.

Trappers will no longer be limited to .22 caliber fire-

arms when dispatching game.

Mississippi Gun LawsMississippi Governor

Phil Bryant signed into law Senate Bill 2394 and Senate Bill 2619.

The new laws will reduce concealed carry permit fees, These two measures make critical

pro- Second Amendment reforms, including a

clarification that a state-issued permit is not

necessary to transport a loaded or unloaded pistol

or revolver in a purse, handbag, satchel, other similar bag or briefcase or fully enclosed case.

These bills also stream-line training requirements

for the enhanced carry endorsement on permits

for veterans and men and women in the Armed Forces, reduce the cost to both active military

and civilians who obtain regular DPS-issued per-mits to carry firearms for personal protection, and ensure that your right to purchase, own and carry

firearms and ammuni-tion are not infringed upon through federal

rulemaking or overreach by local governments. “These measures pro-

vide key reforms that will strengthen the Second

Amendment rights of law-abiding Mississippians,”

Kansas Gun Laws

Kansas Governor Sam Brownback sign into law Senate Bill 45, that expands Kansas permit-less open carry to includ-ed permitless concealed carry. “This new law is a common sense mea-sure that allows law-abid-ing Kansans to exercise their fundamental right to self-protection in the man-ner that best suits their needs.”

D.c. And Gun Laws

On April 2, the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit granted the D.C.’s motion to voluntarily dis-miss an appeal of the rul-ing that held the District’s ban on carrying a firearm outside the home for self-defense was unconstitu-tional. While this marks the end of the District’s total ban,

12

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$5.00Read ACTS 2-38 (KJVB) This is the gift of eternal life through the gift of

the HOLYGHOST.

If I meet you and you forget me, you have lost nothing/ but if you meet JESUS CHRIST and forget Him you have lost everything.

NO INCOME TAX PLEASEStates, and the federal govern-ment, ought to follow Kansas’ lead in ending income taxes. Reigning in taxation and gov-ernment spending, is the only way the U.S. will return to a state of economic competitive-ness.

“Kansas is the future. Kansas is the model. It became a Reagan-Republican House, Senate and governorship only with Governor Brownback’s gover-norship.

He passed a law that fazes out the income tax over time. As revenue comes in from eco-nomic growth — more than 2

percent — you ratchet down the income tax.”

End the IRS before it ends us.

There was no federal income tax for most of the nation’s his-tory and that many states are currently realizing that they don’t need to tax residents’ earnings to stay in the black.

“In our 50 states, nine don’t have income taxes,”

“For those of us who think small government and low taxes is a better idea, guess what? “People are moving from high-tax states to low-tax states.”

Memorial Day - May 25th, 2015Memorial Day is a federal hol-iday in the United States for remembering the people who died while serving in the coun-try’s armed forces. The holiday, which is observed every year on the last Monday of May, was formerly known as Decoration Day and originated after the American Civil War to commem-orate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the war. By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who died while in the military service. It typically marks the start of the summer vacation season, while Labor Day marks its end.

Many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who have died in military service. Many volunteers place an American flag on each grave in national cemeteries.

Annual Decoration Days for par-ticular cemeteries are held on a Sunday in late spring or early summer in some rural areas of the American South, notably

in the mountain areas. In cases involving a family graveyard where remote ancestors as well as those who were deceased more recently are buried, this may take on the character of an extended family reunion to which some people travel hundreds of miles. People gather on the designated day and put flowers on graves and renew contacts with relatives and others.

There often is a religious service and a picnic-like “dinner on the ground,” the traditional term for a potluck meal in which people used to spread the dishes out on sheets or tablecloths on the grass. It is believed that this practice began before the American Civil War and thus may reflect the real origin of the “memorial day” idea.

Memorial Day is not to be confused with Veterans Day; Memorial Day is a day of remem-bering the men and women who died while serving, while Veterans Day celebrates the ser-vice of all U.S. military veterans.

Female Dictionary

“nothing forget it.”You better figure out what you did wrong.

“Are you tired?”Please don’t go to sleep.

I love talking to you.

“i’m okay.”Hold me tight, I need a

shoulder to cry on.

“i’m cold”Get a blanket and cuddle with me.

“Leave me alone”Please don’t go.

“i love you.”Tell me you

love me more.