Bird Cloud a Memoir

8/11/2019 Bird Cloud a Memoir

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Bird Cloud: A Memoirby Annie Proulx

Chapter 1

The Back Road to Bird Cloud

March 2005The co!"peckled land"cape i" an a"hy #rey color$ % am dri&in# throu#h'lat pa"tureland on arou#h county road that i" mo"tly dirt( the protecti&e #ra&el lon# a#o")uirted into ditche" by"peedin# ranch truck"$ *ti''ened tire track" &eer o'' the road( throu#h

mud and into the "a#e!bru"h( the mark" o' "omeone ith back pa"ture bu"ine""$ %t i" too early'or #ra"" and therancher" are "till puttin# out hay( the occa"ional line o' tumbled #reenal'al'a the only color in adrab orld$ The co" are "trun# out in a line determined by the rancher+"cour"e acro"" the 'ield,their head" are don and they pull at the bri#ht hay$ The blue!hite road

ti"t" like an o&er!turned "nake "hoin# it" belly$ The ditche" alon#"ide are the "ame #reynoncolor a" the du"tthat coat" the "a#e and rabbitbru"h( the bank" "lopin# crumble" o'podery "oil that "ay -not 'araay 'rom here ere once &olcanoe"$- %t i" impo""ible not to think abouttho"e old a"h!"pein#&olcanoe" hen mo&in# throu#h .yomin#$ The "a#ebru"h "eem" nearlyblack and beaten loby the cea"ele"" ind$ .hy ould anybody li&e here( % think$ % li&e here$

But it i" a di''erent orld don by the ri&er at Bird Cloud$ /n the northbank rear" a 'our!hundred!'oot cli''( the creamy caprock a cru"t o' ancient coral$ Thi"monolith ha" been tempered


2/16

by thou"and" o' year" o' poli"hin# ind( blotorch "un( 'lood andrattlin# hail( "luice o' rain$A'ter rain the cli'' look" brui"ed( dark "plotche" and &ertical channel"like old "car"$ To mile"

e"t the cli'' "hrink" into i##urat "tair" o' dark( iron!colored "tone$ Atthe ea"t end o' theproperty the cli'' "ho" a 'ault( a dia#onal "car that a #eolo#i"t 'riend"ay" i" likely related to theRio rande Ri't hich i" "loly tearin# the orth American continentapart$ %n no place that %+&ee&er li&ed ha&e % thou#ht "o o'ten about the "ubterranean mo&ement" o'continent"$ The 'ault in

the cli'' i" a reminder that the earth i" in "lo( con"tant 'lux( inexorably"ho&in# continentalplate" to#ether( pullin# them apart( makin# ne ocean" and enormou""upercontinent"( a &a"tne Pan#aea Proxima predicted hundred" o' million" o' year" 'rom no(lon# a'ter our "pecie"ha" exited the "cene$ The Rio rande Ri't de'ormation( hich "tarted 30million year" a#o in the

Cenooic( i" a "tretchin# and thinnin# o' the earth+" cru"t by upard!bul#in# 'orce" in thechurnin# heat o' the mantle deep belo$ The ri't extend" 'rom .e"tTexa" and e Mexico toabout tenty mile" north o' Bird Cloud( and ha" made not only the Riorande Ri&er #or#e nearTao" but "ome o' the e"t+" mo"t beauti'ul &alley"$1 %n 'act the ri't"eem" to be related toe"tern ba"in and ran#e topo#raphy$ The dia#onal 'ault in Bird Cloud+"

cli'' a" ell a" the cli'' +"entire "lopin# "hape and the exi"tence o' 4ack Creek( a 'eeder "tream( areall likely in'luenced bythi" irre"i"tible "tretchin# 'orce$

Another ay % think about Bird Cloud+" #olden cli'' i" to remember


3/16

luru in Au"tralia+" redcenter$ Thoma" 6eneally rote rhap"odically o' the rock+" -"ublime"and"tone con#lomerate-hich e&enly "pall" it" outer layer" "o that it" pro'ile ne&er chan#e"

althou#h it become"incrementally "maller a" the centurie" pa""$2 Thi" ma""i&e me#alith( not'ar 'rom Alice *prin#"(% "a in 1778 ith arti"t Claire 9an 9liet ho a" "ketchin# nearby6ata Tuta ! rock'ormation" that re"emble hu#e "tone turban"$

The re"emblance" o' the Bird Cloud property to luru are "e&eral(

thou#h perhap" a little 'ar!'etched$ The to "ite" are rou#hly the "ame "ie and bulk and #o throu#hcolor "hi't" accordin#to time o' day$ Both "eem to be 'itted ith interior li#ht" that create a#lo a'ter dark$ luru ha"it" pool" and ti"tin# atercour"e" don the hu#e body o' the rock, thecli'' ha" the ri&er at it"'oot$ Both luru and 6ata Tuta are extremely important in matter"

"piritual and ceremonial toAbori#inal tribe"( e"pecially the Pitantatara and ;ankuntatara e"ternde"ert tribe"( but the"tory o' ho the Traditional /ner" lo"t the"e place" to the 'ederal#o&ernment i" 'amiliar( "adand u#ly$ %n the 17


4/16

u"ed campin# place 'or e"tern %ndian tribe"( the te( Arapaho(*ho"hone( maybe *ioux andCheyenne$ earby >lk Mountain a" a place marker indicatin# amutually a#reed on battle!

#round area$ The #eo#raphy around luru i" laced ith ancient herotrail" that ha&e exi"ted"ince the =reamtime$ %t i" a place o' ritual ca&e" here certain importantceremonie" o' theorld+" mo"t ancient culture "till take place( here there are "acred'ertility "tone" knon to 'eli&in# mortal" and pool" here le#endary e&ent" occurred$ ?olloin# thein're)uent rain"(

ti"tin# "tream" o' ater 'lo don the red 'lank" and into &ariou"pool"$ At luru the #eneral"lope o' the #reat rock i" re&er"ed by a 'old called 6andu( accordin# to6eneally( -a bene&olentliard ho came to Ayer" Rock to 'ind hi" boomeran#$-3 And BirdCloud+" yello cli'' taper"aay at it" ea"t end and i" balanced by the di"tant ri"e o' Pennock( are&er"e ima#e o' "lope$

Alon# 4ack Creek the lea'le"" illo "tem" burn red a" ember"$ .illoi" cautiou"( one o' thela"t "hrub" to put out it" lea&e" ! there i" 'ro"t dan#er until mid!4une$ Thecli'' i" re'lected in theonyx ri&er( and "immin# acro"" it i" the "tout bea&er ith a bank denon the 'ar "ide$ Thebea&er di"appear" into the brilliant *alix "tem"$

Thi" place i"( perhap"( here % ill end my day"$ /r "o % think$

.ell do % kno my on character ne#ati&e" ! bo""y( impatient(reclu"i&ely "hy( "hort!tempered("in#le!minded$ The #ood part" are harder to "ee( but % "uppo"e a 'airdo"e o' "ympathy and e&encompa""ion i" there( a by!product o' the riter+" ima#ination$ % can and


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do put my"el' in other"+"hoe" con"tantly$ /b"er&ational "kill"( )uick deci"ion" @not a 'e badone"( and a tendency too&erreach( to "tretch comprehen"ion and try di''icult thin#" are part o'

ho % am$ i"tory "eiedme a lon# time a#o$ % am like ui#i Pirandello+" character =r$ ?ileno(ho thou#ht he had 'oundan e''icaciou" remedy 'or all human ill"( an in'allible recipe capable o'brin#in# "olace tohim"el' and all mankind in ca"e o' any calamity hate&er( public orpri&ate$

Actually it a" more than a remedy or a recipe that =octor ?ileno haddi"co&ered, it a" amethod con"i"tin# in readin# hi"tory book" 'rom mornin# till ni#ht andpracticin# lookin# at thepre"ent a" thou#h it ere an e&ent already buried in the archi&e" o' thepa"t$ By thi" method hehad cured him"el' o' all "u''erin# and o' all orry( and ithout ha&in# todie had 'ound a "tern(

"erene peace( imbued ith that particular "adne"" hich cemeterie"ould "till pre"er&e e&en i'all men on earth ere dead$

That attitude may ha&e "omethin# to do ith buildin# a hou"e "uited toone+" intere"t"( need" andcharacter$ Ba"ically % li&e alone( althou#h "ummer" are a con"tant "treamo' &i"itor" and 'riend"$% need room 'or thou"and" o' book" and bi# orktable" here % can heap

manu"cript"( re"earchmaterial( here % can "pread out map"$ Book" are &ery important to me$ %i"h % could think o'them a" "ome publi"her" do ! a" -product- ! but % can+t$ % ha&e li&ed inmany hou"e"( mo"tinade)uate and chopped into akard "pace"( none ith enou#h book


6/16

"pace$ .hen % a" a childe mo&ed o'ten( "ometime" e&ery year$ My 'ather orked in e>n#land+" textile mill"( tryin#hard to o&ercome hi" ?rench Canadian back#roundby "itchin# ob"(

alay" mo&in# up the&ariou" ladder" o' hi" ambition: -bi##er and better ob" and moremoney(- he "aid$

The 'ir"t hou"e % can remember &i&idly a" a tiny place in northea"ternConnecticut( not 'ar 'rom.illimantic( a hou"e hich my parent" rented durin# the late 1730" 'roma Poli"h 'amily named

.oniak$ % liked that name( .oniak$ % can dra that hou"e 'rommemory althou#h % a" to tothree year" old hen e li&ed there$ @Born 1735

% ha&e a keen memory o' diine"" a" % tried to climb the "tair"( o' bein#held 'a"t hen my"eater "na##ed on a nail$ % a" comin# don ith "ome illne""( thediy "en"ation and the

relentle"" nail "till &i&id a'ter "e&enty year"$ .hen % a" "ick % a"mo&ed 'rom my bed up"tair"to a cot by the kitchen indo$ My mother #a&e me a box o' Chiclet"chein# #um( the 'ir"t %had e&er "een$ /ne by one % licked the "mooth candy coatin# o'' each")uare and lined the #reylump" up on the indo"ill$ o u#ly and completely inedible theylooked$ Another time % tookthe eye o' a halibut @eilbutt my mother a" preparin# 'or dinner @in

tho"e day" one bou#ht hole 'i"hand brou#ht it up"tair" to the trainin# potty( droppin# it into the puddleo' urine and callin# my motherto "ee hat % had rou#ht$ *he a" horri'ied( not "eein# a halibut eyebut thinkin# % had lo"t "omebiarre interior part$ % reco#nied her &ulnerability a" a arnin# to be


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more "ecreti&e about hat % did(an impre""ion that carried into adult li'e$

My mother( ho lo&ed the outdoor"( and ho"e 'a&orite book a" ene

*tratton!Porter+" Girl ofthe Limberlost( took me 'or a alk in a "amp$ %t a" nece""ary to ump'rom one hummock o'"amp #ra"" to another$ % a" terri'ied o' the dark ater di"tancebeteen the"e hummock" and'inally "tood marooned and balin# on a )ui&erin# clump( unable tomake it to the next one$

.e had a #reen road"ter ith a rumble "eat here % u"ually rode in"olitary "plendor( then ithmy little 'ox terrier( Rinty( later run o&er by a motorcycle he a"cha"in#$ %n thi" road"ter onetime my mother a" "tun# by a yello acket and % ept 'or her$ *he hadblood on her "kirt(probably 'rom her period( but %( connectin# cau"e and e''ect( thou#ht thea"p had cau"ed her to

bleed$

The hurricane o' 173< arri&ed hen my tin "i"ter"( 4oyce and 4anet(ere only a 'e month"old$ The ind increa"ed( "hakin# the "mall hou"e$ % don+t kno heremy 'ather a"( probably atork$ .e had no telephone( no radio$ My mother decided e "houldtake re'u#e at a nei#hbor+"hou"e don the road$ .e alked( my mother burdened ith boxe" and a

"uitca"e and one o' thetin"$ Althou#h % a" barely three % had the ob o' carryin# the othertin$ At the nei#hbor+"hou"e % remember the moanin# ind and the ?rench door" that "uddenlybe#an lo"in# pane" o'#la""( and men hammerin# board" o&er the out"ide o' the #la"" door"(


8/16

makin# the hou"e #loomya" ell a" "tran#e$

My mother came 'rom a lar#e rural 'amily o' 'i&e #irl" and 'our boy"$ A

'e year" a'ter thehurricane e mo&ed to a hou"e in Plain'ield( Connecticut( a hou"e thatbelon#ed to my mother+"parent"( ei" and *arah @eer ill$ My mother+" antecedent"( theill"( eer" and Croell"(came 'rom lon#time 'arm peopleho be#an to be ab"orbed into thetextile indu"try in thenineteenth century$ The Croell" had an arti"tic bent, one a" a ma"ter

'urniture maker( anothercreated "tencil" 'or the decorati&e panel" o' itchcock chair"$ =urin# thetime e li&ed in thePlain'ield hou"e( my 'ather a" abroad( helpin# "et up a textile mill in*outh America$

Thi" road"ide hou"e had been a #a" "tation at one time( one o' "e&eral o'my 'ertile!minded

#rand'ather ill+" bu"ine"" &enture"$ e had in&ented de&ice" 'or textilemachinery that madehim no money at all( then "tarted the #a" "tation and( a 'e year" a'tere li&ed in it( con&erted itto a 'abric and millend" "hop$ e could 'ix anythin# and a" a "killedcarpenter$ The"e#randparent"( hom the children and #randchildren alike called Ma and=ad( had a hu#e #ardenhere % lo&ed the exotic hu"k tomatoe"( peelin# their papery co&er"

aay and eatin# the "eet!tan#ed 'ruit"$ =ad had a #rumpy old do# named =uke$ There ere a 'eco" that my uncle"had to tend and an electric 'ence around the #arden$ My cou"in" and %thou#ht it a" 'un to makea human chain( one #ra"pin# the electric 'ence( the one on the end


9/16

#ettin# the ma#ni'ied olt$

My maternal #randmother( Ma( nDe *arah Mayo eer( a" de"cended'rom to orphan brother"

ho came 'rom ea&itree near Bri"tol( >n#land( to Connecticut in 1835$*he alay" "eemedhara""ed by her lar#e 'amily o' children( and ith "o many people"armin# in and out( thehou"e a" le"" tidy than com'ortable$ *he a"hed and ironed her papermoney "o it ould becri"p$ *he may ha&e "tarched it$ *he a" impatient( but a "ucker 'orkitchen #ad#et" and an

in&enti&e "toryteller ith a #rand "en"e o' humor and at one time rote ane"paper column$The 'amily( bein# hat it i"( ha" alay" a""i#ned my intere"t in book"and ritin# to Ma+"in'luence$ .hy notE /ther" in the 'amily ha&e ritten book" and e""ay"a" ell, my uncleArdian ill rote a no&el about 4ohn .e"ley Poell+" ourney don theColorado Ri&er$ Cou"in

=a&id Robin"on rote 'or ational eo#raphic 'or year"$ Mu"ic and artand cra't" ere "tron#intere"t"$ My mother and her "i"ter loriana @e&eryone had to or threenickname" and ecalled her ikee painted$ The olde"t "i"ter( *arah( #ot #reatly in&ol&edin tin"el paintin# andre"urrected the "tencil" o' their #reat!uncle( Bill Croell$ All o' them"eed their children+"clothe"$ My mother had a loom and o&e ru#"$ My "i"ter" and % #re up

acceptin# the makin# o'thin#" a" normal$ ?or year" % "eed my on clothe" until computer"made "ein# machine" "ocomplicated and cranky that the 'un a" #one$

The ill hou"e( hich my #rand'ather and uncle" built( "eemed alay"


10/16

in excitin# turmoil("omeone alay" "earchin# 'or "omethin# mi"placed( and on the "tairlandin# there a" a'abulou" indo "et ith pane" o' colored #la""$ % #aed throu#h it to

"ee the orld "hi't to deepred( "ickly oran#e or an unnatural #reen$

Be'ore % "tarted "chool my mother( my tin "i"ter" and % li&ed in a "malllo# cabin "urrounded bybi# pine" at the back o' my #rand'ather+" property$ To thi" day the "mello' hite pine in"tantly"eep" me back to childhood ith a "en"e o' "adne"" and inchoate

lon#in#$ The lo# cabin periodmay ha&e been be'ore the tin" ere born$ % don+t tru"t the trick" o'memory$ My mother and herbrother" had built thi" cabin( probably a dream o' her Girl of theLimberlostday"$ There a" anold ax cylinder player in the cabin$ My mother ound up the crank( thecylinder re&ol&ed andthe "tory o' The Three Bearsemer#ed in a tinny &oice$

/ne cabin indo 'aced e"t 'ramin# a hill that had burned year"be'ore$ The black tree "na#""ilhouetted a#ain"t the "ky looked like de'ormed #ira''e" and "keletalelephant"$ They "eemedboth "ad and 'ri#htenin#$ %n the deepenin# tili#ht the bony creature"hape" "eemed to mo&e( thetitch o' a le#( a neck bent$ Today( in the "ummer tili#ht at Bird Cloud(the #rea"eood and

rabbitbru"h hunch them"el&e" into #iant marmot"( crippled elk$ The mo"tbeauti'ul obect in mymother+" cabin a" her cerulean blue "ilk brocade robe( a pre"ent to her'rom my 'ather$ Burnin#ith 'e&er one inter ni#ht "he alked bare'oot out into the "nodre""ed only in thi" lo&ely


11/16

#arment$ ater "omeone "aid "he had pneumonia( a di"ea"e "he harboredmany time" in her li'e$

At "ome point e mo&ed out o' the cabin and into my #rand'ather+" ex!

#a" "tation( reu&enateda" a hou"e$ % remember the boredom o' obli#atory nap time and thepattern o' crack" in theceilin#( the na"ty yello mar"hmallo chicken" that "u#ared our "hoe"on >a"ter mornin#$ %remember akin# up once in darkne"" and 'eelin# "omethin# "ticky andhot on my ear( bein#con"ciou" o' a creature leapin# aay$ %t a" a rat and it had bitten me$

/nly the "car and thememory remain$ Althou#h my #randparent" and #reat!#randparent" ereclo"e by( and aunt"(uncle" and cou"in" con"tantly &i"itin#( % had a "en"e o' alonene""( o' notbein# part o' thebuin# hi&e o' relati&e"$ /ld =uke killed my "mall kitten and % a"outra#ed that he a"alloed to #o on li&in# a" thou#h nothin# had happened$ % ould ha&e

appreciated a trial( a ury(and a death "entence$

My mother lo&ed to "unbathe and ould lie motionle"" 'or hour" on ablanket in the hot( eedy"un( her clo"ed eye" co&ered ith to #reen lea&e"$ .e had a pet cro@called 4immy a'ter theCi&il .ar "on# re'rain -4immy crack corn and % don+t care-$ e a"in)ui"iti&e and ould "idle

up to my mother on her toel and care'ully remo&e each lea'$ e a"rea""ured that "he a" notdead hen "he opened one o' her #reen eye"$ .hen my mother built a"tone 'ireplace in thebackyard % a" alloed to pre"" my hand into the et( #ritty concretethat had not yet "et and the


12/16

cro alked about in it lea&in# hi" print" a" ell$ ;ear" later( a" eere mo&in# 'rom 221FMcBride A&enue in tica( e ;ork( in a car packed to the roo' ithkid" and clothe"( my

'ather put 4immy in a hole!punched cardboard box( and la"hed the box tothe back bumper$ Thepoor 'ello a" dead hen e "topped 'or lunch by the "ide o' the road(a"phyxiated by exhau"t$% ne&er 'or#a&e my 'ather 'or thi" crime$ The mi"'ortune" that be'elllo&ed pet" ere myintroduction to tra#ic and incon"olable lo""$

.e mo&ed and mo&ed and mo&ed$ /&er the year" e li&ed in doen" o'hou"e"$ A place inRhode %"land had the outline o' "omeone+" arm in the broken "heetrockat the bottom o' the"tair"$ A hou"e in Black Mountain( orth Carolina( o''ered a #ood &ieo' "hade tree" herechain #an# road cre" re"ted$ A place in Maine had beauti'ul elm"ho"e root" "elled up near

the "ur'ace and made moin# the lan di''icult$ Then the MaineTurnpike ent in a )uarter o' amile aay and almo"t immediately there a" a #ha"tly accident thatbrou#ht police( re"cue&ehicle" and the too!late ambulance$ An o''icial "tate cro"" indicatin# adeath had occurred atthi" "pot ent up( a "a'ety arnin# policy the "tate o' Maine droppedhen the proli'eration o'cro""e" alon# the hi#hay #a&e it a #houli"h appearance$

A lar#e part o' the rea"on 'or con"tantly mo&in# a" my 'ather+"ob"e""i&e de"ire to e"cape hi"?rench Canadian herita#eand rein&ent him"el' a" ae >n#land;ankee( to e"cape orkin#!cla"" po&erty( to achie&e 'inancial "ucce""( to climb the ladder into the


13/16

"a'e middle cla""$ e andhi" 'amily ere &ictim" o' the raci"m that in'ected the dominant cultureo' hite( An#lo!*axonProte"tant e >n#lander"( ho "a immi#rant"( e"pecially ?rench

Canadian"'rom the north(a" racially in'erior$ e"" o&ert no( hite raci"t anxiety per"i"t" in thatarea$ % think an important'actor in hy my 'ather married my mother ! they ere ill!"uited to eachother ! a" mymother+" old e >n#land 'amily( poor but ith the "uperiority o' earlyarri&al( u"t 'i'teen year"behind the May'loer$

They ne&er accepted him( o' cour"e ! ho could theyE A "on in!la iththe 'lamboyant middlename o' apoleonG The #enealo#ical "cratchin# around e+&e done ha"turned up more 'lorid?rench name" in hi" 'orebear"( "uch a" =ieudonnD( arci""e( orbot and/&ila( hich makeeor#e apoleon "ound rather tame$ *till( they tolerated him and u" and

e all pretended to be a'amily honorin# e)uality and di&er"ity$

roin# up e kne &ery little about my 'ather+" 'amily and rarely"pent time ith them$ i"mother( Phoebe Bri""on Proulx Maloney Carpentieri( married threetime": a ?rench Canadian@Proulx( an %ri"hman @Maloney and an %talian @Carpentieri 'romapoliho tau#ht my 'ather

to make "pa#hetti "auce ! a "auce hich % and my "i"ter" all make today(our be"t( perhap" ouronly( #i't 'rom a hard!to!kno 'ather$ *o there ere my"terie" 'or u"$There a" "ome talk 'romour 'ather that e ere part %ndian( but he belie&ed the proo' had been inthe trunk o' hi"


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#randmother >xilda @a$k$a$ Ma##ie( hich di"appeared a'ter her deathand ne&er re"ur'aced$

The only e&idence a" hi" mother+" "moky "kin color and a 'e

ima#inati&e ne"paper "torie"$There ere other intri#uin# "torie"( "uch a" one about a #roth on our#randmother Phoebe+"no"e( a &oya#e acro"" -the ri&er- @the *t$!aurentalay" ima#ined to an%ndian "ettlementhere a "haman or medicine man remo&ed the #roth in "omeun"peci'ied manner$ /ur plea" toour 'ather and to hi" mother( Phoebe( 'or detail" and enli#htenment ere

ne&er "ati"'ied$Anonymity "eemed the #oal( but the"e hal'!"torie" ere 'uel on the 'ireo' our lon#in# to knomore$

Thi" attachment to clan ance"tor" "eem" to characterie all human"( andthe ancient "torie" toldabout the departed ! embroidered and ampli'ied ! ere perhap" the

rudimentary "ource" o'hi"tory and o' 'iction$ Certainly the Roman" them"el&e" ere keenlyre&erent o' their ance"tor"(poli"hin# the link" to old 'amilie"( the ideal the racchi( 'ounder" o'Rome in F53 B$C$( or e&enthe more ancient >tru"can" ho li&ed in central %taly be'ore Rome$.hen Hti( the eolithic ICopper A#e man( a" di"co&ered in a meltin# #lacier in the Alp" in1771( hi" mitochondrial =A

analy"i" "hoed he a" in a "ubhaplo#roup called 61$ @There are three61 "ubhaplo!#roup"$Rou#hly < percent o' today+" >uropean" al"o belon# to the 61haplo#roup$ Many then belie&edthey ere de"cended 'rom Hti$ >xtremely cool to ha&e a 'i&e!thou"and!year!old ance"tor ith a


15/16

"tone arro point in hi" back$ But 'urther =A te"tin# report" in 200

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