BEST WEDDING SPEECHES NOW PRESENTS

Free Wedding Speech Jokes, One-Liners and Famous Sayings for the Wedding MC, Groom, Bride, Best Man, Maid of Honour, Father of the Bride...

… or anyone else delivering a speech or toast at a wedding

October 2011

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A (short) word from your Emcee

Dear Speechwriter

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B e s t w e d d i n g s p e e c h e s n o w. c o m F r e e We d d i n g J o k e s

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Free Jokes, One-Liners, Proverbs and Famous Sayings about

Weddings and MarriageMarriage

Marriage is the only evil that men pray for. Greek Proverb.

Marrying is putting one’s hand into a bag of snakes on the chance of drawing out an eel. Leonardo da Vinci.

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter. Anon.

When should a man marry? For a young man, not yet; for an old man, never at all. Diogenes.

The man who marries for money earns it. Jewish Proverb.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michael de Montaigne.

Courtship to marriage, is a very witty prologue to a very dull play. William Congreve.

Tho’ marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leave ‘em still two fools. William Congreve.

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards. Thomas Fuller.

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. George Christoph Lichtenberg.

It is possible, though not very probable, that there may be joy in marriage. Lord Chesterfield.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. Johann Wolfgang van Goethe.

Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. Charles Caleb Colton.

The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle. Heinrich Heine.

Marriage: a ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of a lady and through the nose of a gentleman. Herbert Spencer.

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognised by the police. Robert Louis Stephenson.

In olden times, sacrifices were made at an altar - a practice still continued. Helen Rowland.

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late. H.L. Mencken.

If people waited to know each other before they were married, the world wouldn’t be so grossly over-populated. W. Somerset Maugham.

Many a necklace becomes a noose. Paul Eldridge.

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world. Malcolm Bradbury.B e s t w e d d i n g s p e e c h e s n o w. c o m F r e e We d d i n g J o k e s

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Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage. Anon.

Marriage is:

- the greatest adventure of all. McCall’s.

- the thing that makes loving legal. Simone Signoret.

- the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

- A souvenir of love. Helen Rowland.

- A perfect moment frozen by a dull eternity. Bill Manville.

- An armed alliance against the outside world. G.K. Chesterton.

- All your money down and the rest of your life to pay. Anon.

- An institution that simplifies life and complicates living. Jean Rostand.

- Love under quarantine. Anon.

- A long quarrel. Anon.

- The most expensive hobby. Justice H.G. Wenzel.

- A business in which a man takes his boss along on vacation. Anon.

- A word that should be pronounced “mirage”. Herbert Spencer.

- A snore and a delusion. Anon.

- Working for nothing. Anon.

- The most expensive way to get your laundry done for free. Charley Jones.

- A woman’s hair net tangled in a man’s spectacles on top of the bedroom dresser. Don Herold.

It is better to marry than to burn. 1 Corinthians 7:9.

Marriage may be compared to a cage: the birds outside despair to get in and those within despair to get out.

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. Rasselas.

As your wedding ring wears, your cares will wear away.

Wedlock is a padlock.

Matrimony is a school in which one learns too late.

Marriage is a lottery.

Marriage makes or mars a man.

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys and quadruples our expenses.

Marriages are made in heaven, but consummated on earth.

Marry in haste, and repent at leisure.

B e s t w e d d i n g s p e e c h e s n o w. c o m F r e e We d d i n g J o k e s

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Marry in haste, and repent in the suburbs.

Keep your eyes open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.

He that marries for wealth, sells his liberty.

Never marry for money, you’ll borrow it cheaper.

Marry your like.

Early wed, early dead.

It is good to marry late or never.

It is time to set in when the oven comes to the dough.

Love is a fair garden and marriage a field of nettles.

Who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.

There goes more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed.

Wedding

The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle. Heinrich Heine.

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable. George Ade.

Wedding, n. A ceremony a which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable. Ambrose Bierce.

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. Anon.

Wives and Husbands

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. Ambrose Bierce.

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. Anon.

Next to no wife, a good wife is best. Thomas Fuller.

Husband - a man who has chased a woman until she has caught him. El Paso Times.

Age and wedlock tames man and beast.

The married man has many cares, the unmarried one many more.

A man without a wife is but half a man.

A cheerful wife is the joy of life.

A good wife’s a goodly prize, saith Solomon the wise.

A married man turns his staff into a stake.

Maids want nothing but husbands and, when they have them, they want everything.B e s t w e d d i n g s p e e c h e s n o w. c o m F r e e We d d i n g J o k e s

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It is hard to wive and thrive both in a year.

A young man married is a man that’s marred. Shakespeare.

He that has a wife, has strife.

Hanging and wiving go by destiny.

Wives must be had, be they good or bad.

In wiving and thriving a man should take counsel of all the world.

In choosing a wife, and buying a sword, we ought not to trust another.

Take a vine of a good soil, and the daughter of a good mother.

It is better to marry a shrew than a sheep.

A young maid married to an old man is like a new house thatched with old straw.

A wife is sought for her virtue, a concubine for her beauty.

Choose not a wife by the eye only.

A good wife makes a good husband.

He that has a wife has a master.

An obedient wife commands her husband.

B e s t w e d d i n g s p e e c h e s n o w. c o m F r e e We d d i n g J o k e s

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