A Guide for Employees ofMarine Corps Community Services

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Coping with Loss of Someone Close . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 - 3

Steps of Loss & Grief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 - 5

Coping with Your Loss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 - 6

Helping Your Younger Children Cope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 - 8

Helping Your Teenager Cope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

If Your Loved One Was:Marine Corps Community Services or Federal Employee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Active Duty or Retired Military Service Member . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 - 11

General Survivor Information:Death Certificates, Wills . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

Probate, Needed Certificates, Organization Memberships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Insurance Policies, Automobile Titles, Bank Accounts, etc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

Credit Bureaus, Credit Cards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

Social Security . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Taxes (Federal Estate, State Estate & Income) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Helpful Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 - 20

After the loss of a loved one the days ahead can be challenging. We want

you to know that you are not alone. Your MCCS family is here to help you

through these difficult times albeit personal or business related.

Right now there are many things to consider and tasks that are essential. You

may need to make final arrangements, notify various agencies and businesses,

settle your loved one’s estate and, most importantly, ensure that their wishes

are carried out.

This booklet is designed to act as a guide to assist you with some of these

steps. There will certainly be other things you will need to consider but this is

a place to start.

Though your life has changed, our Marine values remain timeless to include

“Taking care of our own.” We’re here whenever you need us. If there is

anything we can do to lessen your burden, please, just ask.

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Coping with the Loss of Someone CloseWhen you lose a spouse or other immediate family member, you may feel as

though the pain will never end. How can you cope with your feelings of loss

and grief? If you have children at home, how can you comfort them when

you are feeling such sorrow yourself?

The information here is meant to help you with the intense and difficult

emotions that come with the death of a spouse or other immediate

family member.

An Indescribable Sense of Pain and LossFew experiences are as painful as the death of an immediate family member.

If your husband or wife, child or parent has died you are likely to feel intense

emotions – shock, sorrow, anger, and possibly guilt. You will grieve not only

for the loss of their companionship, but for the future that you expected to

share. Sometimes, you may even wonder if life will ever be “normal” again.

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You will suddenly be faced with details of life to perform without the support

and sharing of your loved one. If your spouse has died and you have

children, you now face the challenges of caring for them alone. If you don’t

have children but had hoped to share parenthood with your spouse, you will

grieve the loss of that aspect of your life as well.

The emotions that you are feeling are complicated and difficult to endure.

No two people experience loss in the same way. Many people feel numb

for some time, while others may react with immediate anger. It is important

to let yourself feel the pain when you lose someone you love, and to let your

grief run its course. Most people find that over time the intensity of their

pain lessens, and they eventually come to feel more like themselves again.

Although you may never again feel “the same”, you will reach a new kind of

normal, and your sorrow will feel less immediate and raw.

If the death of your loved one was sudden, you may experience nightmares

or symptoms of “traumatic stress.” This is a normal reaction to an abnormal

event – the death of a loved one in a sudden or violent manner. These are

not limited to sudden death and can definitely occur after the death of one

who has endured a prolonged illness. While they can happen concurrently,

trauma reactions are different from grief itself, and need to be recognized

and supported differently. Never hesitate to discuss your feelings with your

professional community such as your family physician, clergy member

or counselor.

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Steps of Loss & Grief

Acknowledging the Reality of Your LossThis includes understanding a loss has occurred and, as difficult as it may be

to grasp, there is nothing that can be done to reverse it. This feeling of “final-

ity” can be very difficult to comprehend.

The Mourning ProcessGrief hurts, and there is no easy way around this fact. We mourn, or physically

feel the pain of our loss, because we loved so much. Some people may try

to distract themselves but if you don’t allow yourself to grieve, your sorrow

may stay buried and return in more painful ways. Well-meaning friends may

suggest, at some point, that is time to “get over” your loss, or that you should

distract yourself by taking a trip or becoming extra busy. Explain to them that

the emotions of grief are very complicated and the kind of pain you are feel-

ing can take a very long time to lessen… healing time can vary greatly from

one person to another and there is absolutely no “time limit” on grieving.

Adjusting to the Environmentin which your Family Member is Missing It can take time to become completely aware of the new roles you will need

to take on and the skills you will need to learn. This can be complicated, and

sometimes needs to take place, in some cases, before you are ready. You

may still be deep in grief but may have others depending on you for support

or for normal family obligations. Reach out when you need it… sharing your

feelings, even with a close friend, can help immensely.

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Moving in a Different DirectionBuilding a new life with a family member missing takes time too. Learning new

skills, forming new social connections and deriving satisfaction with your new

life are all critical to grieving and becoming whole again.

It is important to keep in mind that the tasks are a natural progression, and

there is no time line involved for any of the steps. The tasks can overlap or

take a longer, or shorter, time to accomplish. The process of grief can’t be

rushed, nor should it be.

Coping with Your Loss

The death of someone close takes an enormous toll, both emotionally and

physically. You are likely not to “be yourself ” for some time. The following

may help you navigate during this very difficult time:

Express Your FeelingsSome people find it helpful to cry, pray, or spend time talking about their losswith friends or family members. Others have difficulty expressing their feel-ings. If you find it difficult, you may want to write them down in a journal. Youwill be amazed how cathartic it is getting out your feelings in this way!

Take Care of YourselfIt’s easy to neglect yourself when your thoughts are elsewhere. Try to eatwell, even it if means eating small portions instead of regular meals. Go forwalks if possible, and take naps if they make you feel better.

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Let Others take Care of YouOften friends and neighbors want to help, but don’t know what to do. Let

them take the load of duties away from you, like grocery shopping, laundry,

house cleaning, maybe bring you a meal, or simply sit with you or go for a

walk with you. DON’T FEEL AS IF YOU ARE AN IMPOSITION! When the

people who love you offer to help… they mean it!

Stay in Touch with OthersSpending time alone with your thoughts can be an important part of the

healing process, but too much solitude may leave you feeling isolated from

the support you need. Reach out to people who listen well, such as family,

friends, and clergy members. It is especially helpful to talk with others who

have experienced a similar loss.

Respect Your BeliefsIf spiritual beliefs are part of your life, they can be a great comfort after a loss.

If you question your beliefs, try not to feel guilty, this is a normal part of griev-

ing for many people. Even if you haven’t been religiously observant for some

time, a sensitive clergy member will understand if you seek help.

Treasure Your MemoriesWhen you feel ready, take time to remember what you treasure most about

your loved one. You may want to find a special way to honor them

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Helping Your Younger Children Cope with Grief

If you have children at home, you will have the doubly difficult task of helping

them cope with their feelings of grief while you yourself are grieving. You

may want to keep the following in mind:

Share your Feelings in Appropriate WaysSaying that you feel sad, too, lets your child know that it’s alright to show

their feelings.

Help Your Child Talk about the LossLet them know that it’s normal to feel sad or worried and to miss their father,

mother, sibling, grandparent or other family member very much. Often

young children have a hard time putting their feelings into words. Give them

tools to help them express themselves – finger paints, modeling clay, paper

and crayons or markers.

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Talk with Your Child’s TeachersMake sure your child’s teachers know what they are going through. Ask them

to be sensitive and to let you know of any behavior changes.

Try to Keep Up Basic Family RoutinesFamiliar activities can be very comforting to a child who is going through a

difficult time. Ask a friend or family member to help with the logistics of get-

ting them to/from practices, play dates, etc. Continuing family routines can be

a source of strength and comfort for all of you.

Helping Your Teenager

Teenagers, too, need reassurance and opportunities to talk about the loss of

a parent or close family member. Many teenagers are reluctant to discuss

their feelings because they are afraid of adding to the parent’s grief

and stress.

Let your teenager know t hat you are available to talk, even though you your-

self are feeling sad. Make sure they have opportunities to talk with other

trusted adults – coaches, teachers, guidance counselors, or a leader of your

place of worship. Many teenagers benefit from one-on-one counseling and

they might also find it helpful to keep a journal during this time and in the

months to come.

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If your loved one was a Marine CorpsCommunity Services or Federal Employee

Was your loved one a current or former Marine Corps Community Service

or other Department of Defense employee? If so, please contact your local

Human Resources Office. (See credit card sleeve). You will need to provide

answers to the following:

• Were they retired and receiving retirement checks?

• Did they list a beneficiary for any of their benefits?

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If your loved one was an Active Duty orRetired Service Member

If your loved was an Active Duty or Retired Service Member, please contact

their Casualty Assistant Office. Each branch of service has a Casualty Assistant

Call Officer (CACO) that can provide immediate assistance and information.

The Veteran’s Affairs (VA) can provide burial benefit information for de-

ceased military members.

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An important note, if the deceased is receiving annuitants it is critical that you

inform the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) that the recipient

has passed away. If this is not done, then you may be held liable for

repayment of funds received posthumously.

Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS)

U.S. Military Retirement Pay

PO Box 7130

London, KY 40742-7130

(800) 321-1080

As a survivor of a retired armed service member, your ID card will have to be

updated to reflect your status change. Please visit www.dmdc.osd.mil/rsl to

locate an installation near you.

If your loved one was a military veteran, please contact the Department of

Veterans Affairs Office (VA) for burial information. Your loved one may

qualify for a burial benefits. Please visit www.militaryfuneralhonors.osd.mil

for more information.

Contact any Veteran’s Service organizations to which your loved one may

have belonged to.

The Department of Defense “Survivor’s Guide to Benefits” has a great deal ofhelpful information. Please ask for a copy or visit the link under“References” at: https://www.manpower.usmc.mil/portal/page?_pageid=278,1952407&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

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General Survivor Information

Death CertificatesRequest several certified originals of the death certificate. Some agencies

or offices may accept photocopies, but most require a certified copy. The

Funeral Director can usually help with this, or you can contact the Register of

Deeds where the death occurred.

WillsLocate your loved one’s will. The lawyer of the deceased may have the will,

or it may be in a safe deposit box or with the personal belongings of the

deceased. Update your own will, Power of Attorney, and/or Living Wills as

needed. Especially if your loved one was named as a beneficiary or executor

of your estate, you’ll want to make important changes.

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General Survivor Information

ProbateProbate is the process of paying the deceased’s debts and distributing the

estate to the beneficiaries. The process begins with the court appointing

someone to administer the estate. The Will usually names the executor. If

there is no Will, or no executor is named, the court will appoint a “personal

representative”, usually a spouse or relative. This person will need to pay a

filing fee, inform interested parties, especially creditors, that the estate is

being probated, make inventory of assets, and dispose of the estate

according to the Will or state laws. Depending on the size and complexity

of the estate, legal assistance may be required.

Other Needed Certificates•Marriage Certificates – contact the Register of Deeds

from where the marriage was performed.

• Birth Certificates – contact the Register of Deeds

from where your loved one was born

•Military Records – National Personnel Records Center (DD-214)

9700 Page Avenue

St. Louis, MO 63132

Attn: (Branch of Service)

Organization MembershipsNotify organizations that your loved one belonged to (auto clubs, service

organizations, etc.) Some may provide a benefit to deceased member’s

survivors.

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Insurance PoliciesLocate insurance policies. These may be found in a safe deposit box or with

the personal belongings of the deceased. These policies could include:

• Life Insurance policies through MCCS or other agencies

•Mortgage or loan insurance

• Accident Insurance

• Health Insurance

• Auto Insurance

• Credit Card Insurance

Automobile TitlesThe title of the vehicle owned by your loved one may need to be changed.

Contact your local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) for more

information.

Bank Accounts, Stocks and BondsIf you had a joint bank account with your loved one, it should automatically

pass to you. Notify the financial institution of your loved one’s passing. Ask

them about the required steps you will have to do to change the title and

signature on the account.

If the bank account was held solely in your loved one’s name, the assets will

have to go through probate.

Check with stockbrokers to change any stock or bond titles.

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Credit Card BureausOrder a report from the credit card bureau to ensure that you are aware of

the credit cards in your loved one’s name. They can be ordered from the

credit reporting agencies. The three major companies are:

• Equifax – www.equifax.com or (800) 685-1111

• Experian – www.experian.com or (888) 397-3742

• TransUnion – www.transunion.com or (800) 888-4213

Credit CardsContact all the credit card companies and let them know about your loved

one’s passing. This will ensure that no one uses them under their name.

Check with stockbrokers to change any stock or bond titles.

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Social SecurityCheck with the local Social Security Office in your county or call the toll-free

number at (800) 772-1213 to determine if your loved one was eligible for

benefits. Please have your loved one’s social security number handy. If they

were already receiving benefits, do not deposit any checks after the death.

The Social Security Administration will advise you on what to do with them.

If your loved one was eligible to receive benefits, depending on your

situation, you will receive one of the two benefits possible. They are:

• A death benefit of $225. Either the surviving spouse

(or child entitled to survivor’s benefits) or the funeral

director can complete the application and apply the

benefit directly to the funeral bill.

• Survivor’s benefits for an eligible spouse or children. To be

eligible, the spouse must be either:

Age 60 or older

Age 50 or older, if disabled

Under age 60 and caring for children under 16 or disabled

An important note: Whether your loved one is eligible or not to receive

benefits, the Social Security Office should be notified of your loved one’s

passing. This is to ensure no one uses your loved one’s SSN and to prevent

identity theft.

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Federal Estate TaxesA Federal Estate Tax Return must be filed and taxes paid within nine months

of the date of the death. Estate tax is only due on estates exceeding certain

dollar amounts, but a return must still be filed. Please contact the Internal

Revenue Service for more information at (800) 829-1040.

State Estate TaxesThe conditions for filing an Estate Tax Return and for paying your state taxes

are similar to the requirements for filing federal returns. Please check with

your local taxation department for more information.

Income TaxesFederal and State income taxes of the deceased are due for the year of

death on the normal filing date unless you file for an extension. The spouse

of the deceased may file jointly for one year after death and spouses with

dependent children may file jointly for two years. The IRS booklet,

publication #559 Information for Survivors, Executors and Administrators

may be requested by contacting the local IRS office.

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Helpful Resources

Employee Assistance ProgramPhone number: (800) 424-5988

Website: www.MagellanHealth.com/Member

Human Resources Division Benefits SectionPhone number: (see business card sleeve)

Website: www.usmc-mccs.org

Civil Service Benefits HotlinePhone number: (888) 767-6738

Website: www.opm.gov

Social Security AdministrationPhone number: (800) 772-1213

Website: http://www.ssa.gov

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Helpful Resources continued

Internal Revenue ServicePhone number: (800) 829-1040

Website: http://www.irs.gov

Department of RevenuePhone number: (see business card sleeve)

Department of Transportation,Department of Motor VehiclesPhone number: (see business card sleeve)

Office of Vital RecordsPhone number: (see business card sleeve)

U.S. Marine Corps Casualty AssistanceManpower and Reserve AffairsPhone number: (800) 847-1597

Website: www.manpower.usmc.mil

Military OneSourcePhone number: (800) 342-9647

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Helpful Resources continued

U.S. Navy Casualty AssistancePhone number: (800) 362-3202

www.npc.navy.mil/CommandSupport/CasualtyAssistance

U.S. Army Casualty AssistancePhone number: (800) 626-3317

Website: www.armycasualty.army.mil

U.S. Air Force Casualty ServicesPhone number: (800) 433-0048

Website: www.afpc.randolph.af.mil

Defense Finance and Accounting ServicePhone number: (800) 321-1080

Phone number: (800) 433-0048

Website: www.dfas.mil

U.S. Department of Veterans AffairsPhone number: (800) 827-1000

Website: http://va.gov

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Important Contacts

Name ______________________________________________________________

Program/organization _______________________________________________________

Address ____________________________________________________________________

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Important Contacts

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Important Contacts

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