BeYourOwnWatsonbyMordechaiLazarusLarkPublishing2017https://www.subsidingsun.co.uk/lark

https://www.subsidingsun.co.uk/lark

1.Theywouldhavelookedquitethepair,ifyoucouldactuallyseebothofthem.Ononeside,thescruffylittleman,backhunchedbytime,hairandbeardallscragglyandgrey,butwithchildlikeeyesinhiswornface.Thisman,theoneyoucouldsee,wasstoppingandmarvellingateverythingashemeanderedalong,asifhewasjustseeingeverylittletrivialthingalongthewayforthefirsttime.Whetheritwasaclumpofleaves,oradogtakingawee,oraparticularshapeintheclouds,heseemedinvariablystruckbyhowwonderfulandstrangeitallwas.Theotherfellow,instarkcontrast,wasperfectlyclean-shavenandwithoutasinglefeatureoutofplace.Thismandidn'tlooklikehewouldtolerateasingleunkempthair.Hewalkedtallandstraight-infact,helookedasifnothingintheworldcouldeverbendhim.Thismandidn'twalk,hemarchedashewent,andhiseyestookineverylittledetailaroundhim,butinaverydifferentfashionfromhiscompanion.Whentheseveremanlookedabouthim,itwastoassessandweighandpickapartallthathesaw,withnoparticularpleasureinanyofit."It'salovelyday,isn'tit,Leo?"saidthescruffylittlemanastheywalkedalongtheriver."Don'tberidiculous,Norwich,"scoffedthemarchingone,hislipscurlinginsourdistaste,"Youareanoldfool,andtheworstsub-varietyoftheoldfool,adribblingsentimentaloldfool."Hejabbedanangryfingeratthedarkwoollenclouds,"It'sgreyandghastlytoday,andtheweatherhasachievedanespeciallyremarkablelevelofunpleasantness,outdoingeventhenormalstandardsofthistraditionallydiresliceoftheseason.Bymycount,we'veonlyhadsomewhereintheregionoffiveorsixhoursofsunshinethusfarthisweek,andthatwaspatheticfeeblestuffatbest."PhilipNorwichnoddedpolitelytotheotherfellow."Youknowbest,ofcourse,Leo,"theshabbymanmumbledhappilytohiscompanion,"You'remuchbetterthanmeatrememberingthatsortofthing.ButIdon'tmindthatit'sgreyandabitdrizzly.It'sniceandquietonourwalk,andthissortofwetweatherseemstomaketheduckshappy."Leonidassnorted."Shouldwefeedtheduckssomebread?"saidPhilip,pattingatthepocketsofhisill-fittingpuffycoat,"Ican'trememberifIbroughtanyornot."Leosighedthroughhisteeth."Forgod'ssake,man,Ialreadytoldyou.Thebreadisnogoodforthegreedybeasts.Itswellsupinsidethemandmakesthemsick.Notthattheydon'tdeserve

it,thefilthybloodycreatures.""Oh,Ididn'tknowthat,Leo,"Philipsaidwithagood-naturedbobbingofhishead.Leonidasfrowned."Don'tlooknow,butthere'sthatdreadfulPolkwomansittingoutthefrontofthecafé.Ifwe'recareful,weshouldbeabletoavoidher.""Don'tbesilly,Leo,"saidPhilip,squintingintothedistance,"That'dberude,wouldn'tit?Look,sheseemstohaveafrienddowntovisither.""Andwhatafriend,"Leonidasdeclaredsourly,"Shelooksasbadagossipingholybattle-axeasMrs.Polkherself.""Hullo,Mrs.Polk!"Philipshoutedoveratthepairofoldladies,wavingpleasantly."Stopthat,youfool!"hissedLeonidas,"Don'tattractherattention.Comeon,let'sgolookatyourhorribleducks.""AsyoulikeLeo,asyoulike,"Philipsaidpleasantly.Mrs.Polkdidindeedhaveafriendovertovisit,heracquaintanceofmanyyears,oneMrs.Wick.Whatevertheyhadlookedlikeinthepast,theindifferenceoftimehadrenderedthemintotwovariationsonasilver-hairedoldwomanwithheavyglasses.Theymeteveryweekorsoforachat,andMrs.PolkandMrs.Wickcouldmakeacoffeelastforseveralhours,asneitherofthemwasparticularlyfussyaboutcoffeehavingtobetoohot,orevenparticularlynice-tasting.Thecoffee,afterall,wasjustaprop,anexcuse,somethingtokeepthehandsbusyandtogivemomentsofpausetotheirlittlemeetingswhentheywouldtakesimultaneousdaintysips.Iftherewasanyvariationbetweenthetwowomen,Mrs.Wickwasperhapsatouchmoreroly-polythanherfriendMrs.Polk,andhadatendencytopeerdistantlyateverything,asifherblack-framedultra-strengthglasseswerenotquiteheavy-dutyenoughtoprovidetherequiredclarity.Mrs.Wickwasnowsquintingovertowardstheducks.Shewavedherheadinthatgeneraldirection."Isthatfellowtalkingtohimself?"sheasked.Mrs.Polknodded."I'vetoldyouallabouthimbefore,Iris,I'msure.""Haveyou?"Mrs.Wicksaiddubiously."Ohyes,I'mcertainImusthave.That'soneofourlocalcharacters.That'sMr.Norwich."Mrs.Wickrolledthenamethoughtfullyaroundhermouth,repeatingitafewtimes,butcouldn'tfindanyfamiliarityinit.It'dbejustlikeMaryPolktobecertainsheknewaboutthisfellowwhenshe'dneversaidabloodyword.

"Oh,comeonnow,"Mrs.Polksaidwithpursedlips,"I'msureI'vementionedhim.Mr.Norwich?Youremember.Mr.Norwichwasaverybrightyoungfellow,onceuponatime.Quitetheclever-clogs.Oneofthoseproperlymarvelloussmart-alecbrains.Heendedupdoingsomethingforthearmy,Ithinkitwas,orperhapsthegovernment.Youknow,someofthathush-hushintelligencesortofthing."Mrs.Wickmadeanappropriateooingnoise.Mrs.Polkaccepteditwithdignityandcontinued."Well,whenMr.Norwichwasoffdoinghisspyingorsomesuchinforeignparts,(hewasaMajorthen,oraBrigadier,Ibelieve),hewaswoundedintheheadinsomeway,althoughnobodyknowsthedetailsofwhathappened,whatwithhisworkbeingallverytop-secretandthatsortofthing.""My,my,"saidMrs.Wick,shakingherhead."TheendofthewholeaffairwasthatMr.Norwichwasn'thimselfaftertheinjury.""Thegreatbrainwascracked,wasit?"Mrs.Polknoddedwisely."Crackedrightintwo.Thepoorfellowthinkshe'stwofellowsnow.""D'youmeanhethinkshe'sNapoleonorGenghisKhanorsomeonelikethat?"Mrs.Polkshookherhead."No,thepoorfellowthinkshe'stwopeople.Thatistosay,hethinkshe'sMr.Norwich,whichheisnow,buthealsotalkstohimself,himselfasheusedtobebackwhenhewasyoungandclever.Hethinksthattheyoungerhim,theonehecalls'Leo',isactuallysomeoneelsewhofollowshimabout,whenit'sreallyjustpartofMr.Norwich'spoorcrackednogginrememberinghowheusedtobe.Terrible,really."Mrs.Wicktriedtopuzzlethisoutinherheadforamoment."Dear,dear,"shetuttedintheend,"Still,itmustbenicethat'she'salwaysgothimselfforcompany,Isuppose."Thepairofthemsatinsilencewiththeircoffeecups,smilingindulgentlyatpoorsplit-brainedMr.Norwich."D'youfancysharingabitofgingercake?"saidMrs.Wick,whenshefeltthatthey'ddevotedenoughtimetobeingsympathetictoMr.Norwich.Leolookedoveratthecoffee-drinkingchoruswithdisdain."Lookatthoseharridanstalkingaboutus,"spatLeonidas,"Although,IsupposedIshouldthankChristandallhisdamnlittleangelsthatthey'retoowrappedupintheirtediousgossipingtocornerus."

Onthewayintothecentreoftown,PhilipNorwichstoppedandsmiledateveryonehepassed,evenwhenhecouldn'tremembertheirnames.Leofoundthisexasperating."It'sabloodywonderyougetanywhere,man,"hegrowled."There'snohurry,isthere,Leo?It'sverypleasantjusttostretchyourlegsandgoforalittlewalk.""Doyouevenrememberwhywewentforawalk?"Leosaid.Philiptookamomenttothinkaboutthis."OfcourseIdo,Leo.We'reofftogetanewspaper,aren'twe?"Thetallermansnorted."Atthisratewewon'tgettothedamnedshopbeforethenewsgoesoutofdate."

2.Philipnoddedhappilyattheshortmanbehindthecounterashepushedopenthedoortothenewsagent's.Thebelljingledwhilethedoorsqueezeditselfclosedbehindthemwitha'humph'."Goodday,Mr.V.,"saidPhilip,rubbinghishandsandblowingonthemtogetsomewarmthbackintothejoints,"Brisktoday,isn'tit?Wehopeyouarewell."Mr.V.lookedupfromunderhisbushyeyebrows."Hm,"repliedMr.V.uncertainly.PhilipNorwichwalkedupanddowntheaisles,inspectingthecoversofthemagazinesliketheywerepaintingsinaminorartgallery."Forgod'ssake,man,let'sjustdowhatwecameherefor,"Leomutteredintohisear,"Gettheblastedpaperandlet'sgo.Ican'tstandthecigarettesmellcomingoffthatgnome.Hereeksoffumes.It'sinconceivablethattheystillmakecigarettesthatnoxious.Iknewahorriblelittlegunrunnerwhosmokedcigaretteslikethatonce.It'sthesamestenchcomingoffthisfellowhereinbloodywaves.Hesmellslikesomeonewrappedarottencabbageinfoilandsetitonfire.""Shush,Leo,"hissedPhilip,shakinghishead,"Don'ttalkaboutMr.V.thatway."Mr.V.continuedtowatchNorwichcarefullyashewentupanddownthemagazineracks,whisperingtohimself.Theproprietor'seyebrowsbristledandhiseyesneverlefttheshufflingfigure.Eventually,muchtoLeo'srelief,Philiphaddecidedthathehadsurveyedthemagazinecoverssatisfactorily.Thehunchedmanshuffledtopickupanewspaper,whichheplacedonMr.V.'scounter."Leonidasenjoysthelogicpuzzlesinthisone,"NorwichexplainedtoMr.V.asheduginhispocketsforchange."Enjoyisastrongword,Norwich,"objectedLeo,"Theyemployslightlylessmoronicsettersthantheotherragsinthisplace.""Don'tyoumindLeo,"saidPhilipapologeticallyashecountedcoinscarefullyontothecounter."Hrm,"saidMr.V."Isthattherightchange?"Philipsaid,"Ijustgetabitconfusedsometimes,yousee.""Satan'ssulphurousbackside!"LeonidasgrumbledatPhilip,"Can'tyoucountworthadamn?Apeasantchildcouldseeyou'restillshort."Withsomedifficulty,Philipfoundafewmorecoinsinhispocketandlaidthemoutinlinewiththeircohort.Helookedaroundthenewsagent's.

"Didweneedanythingelsewhilewewerehere,Leo?Somemilkorsomething?""Wehavepreciselytherightamountofchangeforonenewspaperandnotasingleunnecessaryitemmore,"Leosaid,"Asyouverywellknow.Inanycase,Iwantnothingmorethantoleavethisparticulardismalplaceandtoreturntotheotherdismalplacewherewehappentolive,sothatIcandistractmyselffromthemiserableboredomofmynarrowlittleexistencewithadelightful,ifalltoobriefbitofmentalstimulation.""Allright,allright,don'trushme,"frownedPhilip,"Ithinkthat'stherightamountnow."Mr.V.didn'tmovefromhisspot.Philipputthenewspaperunderhisarmandwavedgoodbye."Well,goodbyeMr.V.Seeyoulater.""Andgoodbyetoyou,"saidthelittlemanwhosedistrustingbushyeyebrowsfollowedtomakesurethatNorwichwasdefinitelyleaving.

3.Norwichwhistledtohimselftunelesslyashejimmiedhiskeyinthelockofthefrontdoor."Comeonnow,Leo,youknowthetune!"Philipsaid,eyeingthekeyholeandtryingtoworkoutwhyhiskeysdidn'tseemtobeworkingproperly.Itwasashabbyfrontdoor-anuncheeryfadedplasticyyellowthatmadeyouthinkofafrozenfadedyolk.Allthesmallcheaphousesintherowlookedalmostexactlythesame.Theycalledthemcare-homebungalows,andLeoalwayswentintoshortclippedburstsoflaughterwheneverheheardsomeonecallthembungalows.Occasionallyoneoftheresidentsmighthavetriedtoexhibitsomelittlesparkofindividualitybyputtingalonelylittlegardengnomebytheirownpaleyellowdoor.Naturally,Philipthoughtsuchlittletouchesbrightenedupthestreet.Leothoughttheywererare,iffutileandultimatelypatheticattemptstopretendthatthestreet,houses,andentrancewaysweren'tinherentlypooranddepressing.Philipkeptmeaningtopickupsomethingfortheirfrontdoor-perhapssomeflowersfromthehedgerowswheretheywalked.EvenLeocouldn'tcomplaintoomuchaboutthat.PhilipwassobusydaydreamingabouthowniceandcheerysomeflowerswouldlookandthinkingaboutwhetherheorLeoknewhowtomakeoneofthosewreaththings,thatheaccidentallydroppedhiskeysonthetattywelcomemat.Leosighedandcrossedhisarms.Helookedabouttosaysomethingdisparagingwhensomemovementafewdoorsdowncaughthisattention,andhiseyesdartedandnarrowedintentlylikeabirdofpreynoticingsomethingitmightwanttotearapart.TherewasalittleconcretepaththatbrokeuptherowofhousesbeforethenextmatchingseriesofbungalowsstartedagainashortdistancefromPhilip.Oneofthepaleyellowdoorswascreakingbackandforthslightlybehindamanstandingathisentrance.Leostaredevenlyattheleanfigureintheframeandatthelightofhiscigaretteburning.Themaninthedoorwayscrapedonefootontheedgeofthedoorway.Hewaswearingtranslucentplasticbluesandals.Therewasaloud,rumbling,murkynoisecomingfromsomewhereintheroombehindthemaninthesandals."Oh,it'sMr.Cray,Isuppose"saidPhilipnervously,"Uh,hellothereMr.Cray!"CrayturnedhisweatheredoldfaceslightlytowardsNorwich.WheneverNorwichsawMr.Cray,healwaysrememberedthatchildren'sideathatifyoumadeafaceandthewindchanged,youcouldgetstucklookingveryunpleasant.Mr.Cray,Philipsuspected,hadnotmademuchuseofhisfaceforsmilingoranylightexpressionsofcontentment.Or,asLeoputit,themanwasabastardwitha

nastyoldhatchetbastardface.Mr.Craydidn'trespondtoNorwich.Instead,hesuckedathiscigarette,clearedhisthroat,andspatamucousglobcontemptuouslyontotheconcretepath.Leoscowledatthesmokingman."Lookatthat,"hemutteredtoPhilip,"Thatrusty-edgedcreaturehascollectedsuchapileoffilthycigarettebuttsitlookslikehe'smakinghimselfadisgustingashynest."AtwitchylittlemanranuncertainlyuptoCray'sdoorandmutteredsomething.Mr.Cray'svisitorwasaleanfellowwithsicklyskinthatwaspockmarkedandveined,anosethatlookedlikeithadbeenbrokenseveraltimes,andhaircutshortenoughthatyoucouldseetheoccasionalscarabouthisnut.Thismanwaswearingabrightbluetracksuitwithawhitespeedstripethatwentupbothlegsandalongbotharms,makinghimlookabitlikeasortofhonoraryMinicar.Cray'svisitorappeareduncomfortable,andalthoughNorwichcouldn'toverheartheconversation,bythewaythemaninthebluetracksuitduckedhisheadrepeatedly,itlookedasifhewasmakingsomesortofrequestoftheimpassivesmokeratthedoorway.TheentiretimethemaninthetracksuitwassquirmingbeneathCray'scontemptuousgaze,Tracksuitlookedasifatanymomenthewasonthevergeofsprintingoffinapanic,yetsomehownevergotaroundtoit.Craytookanotherwheezeonhissmoke,andblewadismissivesprayofexhaustathisvisitor,sayingafewwordslowandcrackling,likehisvisitorwasn'tworthwastinganythingbetter.Themaninthebluetracksuitwaitedforamoment,noddedhisheadafewtimes,loweredhiseyes,andslunkoff."See?"saidLeonidaswithdistaste,"LookatthesortofcompanyCraykeeps.Thatfellowinthetracksuithasbeenaroundafewtimesthisweek,andyouonlyneedtotakeonelookathimtoseethathemissedthewhole'bodyisatemple'idea,becausehelookstobetreatinghisrepugnantframeassomethingmorelikeafilth-encrustedsquatter'sflat."Philipmumbledmeaninglesslyandturnedtohaveanothergoatgettinghiskeyintothelock.EvenwithhisbackturnedNorwichcouldsenseMr.Craysmokinganddetestinginhisdirection,whichmadehimfumbleevenmore,butmuchtotheirdelighteventuallytherewasascrapingsoundfromtherustylockandtheytumbledinside."Whereisthatlightswitch?"saidPhilip,gropingblindlyabouttheplace."Forspew'ssake,youeyelessdeformity!"saidLeo,"Theswitchiswhereitalwaysis.Twostepsforwardandthenthreetoyourleft."Philipnoddedandcountedouthiswaytotheswitch.Whenheflickeditonheblinkedaroundatthebungalow."Goodtobehome,ey,Leo?"saidPhilipandsettledwithasatisfiedgruntinto

hischequeredgreenandyellowchair,whichlookedlikeithadbeencoveredinoff-cutsfromafailedcarpetcompany.LeohadasortofSpartanlittlestoolthatherarelyused,ashepreferredstanding,orpacingabouttheroom.Therewereonlyafewpersonaltouchestotheirlittlehome.Therewasacheapbookshelfoverflowingwitholdnewspapers,puzzlebooks,out-of-dateencyclopediasandlibrarybooksPhiliphadforgottentoreturn.Therewasachunkymobilephoneleftforgottenonaboxandpluggedintothemains,andarecordplayerwithalittlebuilt-inspeakerwithchipsandscratchesinthebrownfaux-woodcasing.Therewasalsoafadedredarmchairinthecornerthatwaskeptforguests,andintheotherroomwasahaunted-lookingwardrobeandastructurallyunsoundbed.Thatwasthesumtotalofthefurnitureinthebungalow.Thecheapcarpethadbeenwornbareinplacesbypreviousoccupants,andbesidesafreshbrighttouchfromarecentcoatofpaintonthewalls,therewaslittleelsetorecommendthetiredcoop.Philip,who,unlikethecynicalLeonidas,waskeentotryandfindsomethingpositiveeveninthisspiritlessbox,wasquicktopointouttoLeothattheyhadalovelykitchenettebuiltoverintothewallandthattherewasevenanoldmantelpieceintheliving-roomproper,abovewheretherehadprobablyoncebeenarealfireplacebeforetheybrickeditup.Leowasfondofleaningonthatmantelpiece.Philipshiveredandtriedtomaketheheatingwork."Coulddowithablanket,"hesuggested.Leotuttedatthisfeebleness,butPhilipignoredhimandpulledoutanew-lookingwoollenblanket,whichheplacedcarefullyoverhisknees."Lovely,"hedeclared.Leosnorted,andthengottoscrapinghisnailsagainstthepaint,whichwasalwaysabadsign,becauseitindicatedthathewasgettingrestless."Itellyouwhat,"Leosaidsuddenlyjerkinghisthumbtowardsthewall,"ThatCray'sarottenturdifeverIsawone.Suspiciouslookingvisitorsatoddhours.Badbodylanguage.Don'ttrusthimaninch."Philipyawned."Besttoletpeoplebe,Leo.Noneedtoassumetheworst."Leobristled."IcanbloodywellassureyouthatIdonotassumeanything,Mr.LuverlyBlanket.Iwatch,andIread,andInote.Allthedetailsarethere,Philip,everybody'slittleflawsandliesandselfishlittleplotsarerightinplainsight,andit'sdenseandpathetictopretendotherwise.Notonlyarepeoplegenerallyterribleshits,buttheyhardlyevenknowhowtohideit-youcanseeexactlywhatthey'reuptowithjustabitofdiligence."Nowpleasantlywarmunderhisblanket,PhilipNorwichshruggedsleepily.

"Mightbedenseandwhateveryousaid,oldman,butit'smuchbettertoworkhardonbeingniceratherthanbeingclevererthaneverybodyelse.Let'sleaveMr.Craybe,shallwe?"Leonarrowedhiseyes."Ifyou'djusthelpmegothroughhismail,"hesaidinaconspiratorialtone,"Wecouldferretoutsomedetailsaboutwhatthatuntrustworthybastardisupto.""Itoldyoubeforethatweweren'tgoingtodothat,Leo,"saidPhilipfirmly,"Nowlet'shaveanicequietlookatthisnewspaper,shallwe?"

4.ThenextdaywhenPhilipsteppedoutofthefrontdoorhisshoescrunchedonsomethingunderfoot.Hepeereddown,andsawfragmentsofsmashedglass.Leaningagainstthewall,Philipgingerlypickedtheshardsoutofhissole."Ohblast,"hesaidsadly,"Ithinkthebitshavecutthroughmyshoe.They'llleaknowifitrains."Leosquintedattheglassfragments."Someone'ssmashedafewbottlesworthheretodecorateyourdoorstep,Norwich,"Leosaid.Philipshookhisheadandswepttheglassfragmentstoonesidecarefullywiththesideofhisshoe."Whatwouldtheywanttodothatfor?"hesaid.Leopointedoutoneoftheblueandwhitelabelsinthepileofsmashedbottles."Thatisoneofthecheapestandnastiestpoisonouslagersavailablefromourlocalsupermarket.Ihavealsonotedinthepastthatitisthepreferredbottledpissforourdearneighbour,thatscrawnyandunpleasantbastard,MisterCray.Thiswouldappeartobehismess,oldman,althoughwhetherhehassmashedhisleftoversupagainstusduetohisroamingnaturalspiteforthewholeworld,orasanintentionalpettyactofhostility,Icouldn'tsay."Philiptutted."Well,Idon'tdoubtitwassomesortofaccident.Nopointinworryingaboutitnow,Leo.Let'sgetsomefreshair.Gowalkdowntothewood.Hopefullywe'llseeagoodfewbirds.Wealwaysenjoythat."Leogruntedandbowed."Leadtheway,then,oldman."Itwasn'ttoofartothewoodfromthebungalow.Thelocalcouncilhadalwaysbeenmadonpreservinglargechunksofthenaturallandscape,whichwasonereason,Leoargued,thattheyhadonlyenoughroomtosqueezeinsuchpiddlylittlehousesliketheirclusterofbungalows.Philipdidn'tmindsomuch.Whatdiditmatterifwherehelivedwasatouchsmall,iftherewasallthispeacefulforesttowalkthroughwhenevertheywanted?Helikedtoamblealongthelonggravelpaththatwaslinedwithgentledroopingtrees.Bestofall,atthistimeofyeartheymostlyhadtheentirewalktothemselves,asitwastoocoldforthegigglingpairingsofteenagersandthefamiliesonoutingswiththeirexcitabledogs.Occasionally,theycaughtsightofatattytentdeepintheundergrowth-sleepingspotsforthetransientsandhomeless.Asthepairwent,theystrainedtolistentothesuddencrispnotesofbirdsongandthentospyouttherustlingforms

hiddenintheleavesandbranches.Leowasmuchbetteratspottingthebirds,andhecouldremembertheirnameswhentheywerestubbornlyjustonthetipofPhilip'stongue.LeohadjustinformedPhilipofthenumberofrobinstheyhadseenthismonthintotalwhentheybothnotedanuncharacteristicallyloudchorusofsquawksinthedistance."That'sstrange,"saidPhilip,"Itsoundslikealotmorebirdsthanusual.""Itsoundsliketoomanybirds,"agreedLeothoughtfully,"Let'sgoandseewhy."Theyleftthepathandweavedtheirwaythroughthethick,hardybushesthatsurvivedintheshadeofthewood.Philipfoundhimselfscratchedbywoodentendrilsallabouttheplaceandsloweddown,pickinghiswaycarefullytoavoidgettingentangled.Leotappedhisfootonthegroundimpatiently.Theyfollowedthesoundofthebirdsdowntowheretheearthturnedarichblackanddippeddowntoafurrow.Intothislittlefurrowasidetrickleoftheriverhadseeped,promptingasproutingofdeepwildgrass.Thesoundwascomingfromagreatmassofbirdsswirlingandscreamingabovethedipintheearth.Philipbentforwardcarefully,tryingtogetabetterlookwithoutslippingdownthesmoothblackslopeintothegrassyditch."Whatonearthhasgotthemrileduplikethat?"Philipwondered.Leo'seyesgleamedwithinterest."Weneedtogetdownthereandhaveacloserlook."Indeed,Philipwascurioustoo.Hewishedthathe'drememberedtobringhiswalkingstickwithhim,buthe'dhavetomakedo.Philiplookedabouthimandeventuallyfoundasturdy-enoughbranchthathecouldsnapoffanduseasasticktosupporthimselfasheshuffledclumsilybutcautiouslydowntheslopetowardsalittleflatclearingthatwasjustbigenoughtoholdhimandwasrightbythecommotion."There'ssomethinginthegrass,"Leodeclared.Hesoundeddelighted.Thissuddenlittlemysteryhadmadetheirwalkallthemoreinteresting."IthinkIcanseesomethingblue,"Philipsaidslowly,"Doyouthinkit'ssomesortofrubbishthat'sattractedthebirds?"Leoshookhisheadandgrinnedcoldly."No,oldman.Irecognisethatblue.It'stheblueofCray'scheap,disgustingsandals."Philipswallowed.Heleanedagainsttheslopeandtriedtoshoothebirdsawaybywavinghisstickandmakingsomenoisestofrightenthem.Theyflappedupafewfeetaway,beatingatemporaryretreat,whichgavePhilipthechancetousehissticktopartthethickgrassnearthesandal.There,lyinghalfunderthe

stagnantwaterwasascrawnyform.Philip'sfacesunk."Ohno,Leo.Icanseeabodythere.That'shorrible.IthinkitmightbeMr.Cray."Leonoddedinagreement."Youlooktoberightthistime,oldman,butwhere'shishead?"

5.TherewasaknockattheyellowplasticdoorwhenPhilipwasreadingthearticleinthelocalragabouttheirfindingthebody."LocalMan,"Philipreadforthefifthtime,"DiscoversHeadlessBody!I'mratherthankfultheydidn'tmentionournames.I'drathernothaveallthatattention."Theknockatthedoorsoundedagain.Philiplookedup,onlyjustnownoticingsomeonewasoutside."Whoonearthcouldthatbe?Hopefullynotthenewspaperpeopleagain."Leoshookhishead."No,youfathead.It'sthattimeoftheweekagain.Shealwaysvisitsatthesametime.Atleastshelearntabitofpunctuality."Philipwenttoopenthedoorandsmiledattheyoungwomanathisdoorstep.Shehadherhaircutshortandshestoodverystraight,withthatsortofexcellentposturethattakesyearsofchildhoodtraining.ShereturnedPhilip'ssmile,althoughwithjustahintofreluctance.Theyoungwomanwascarryingashoppingbag."Hello,Philip,howareyou?"shesaid."Howlovelytoseeyou,MissRachael,"Philipsaidopeningthedoorwide,"Comeonin,won'tyou?It'sverycoldoutsidetoday.Comein,comein!I'llhaveanothergoatgettingtheheatingtogoup,sinceyou'rehere."PhilippokedatthebuttonsonthethermostatonthewallwithoutanyvisiblesuccesswhileRachaelcameinandclosedthedoorbehindher."Anolddoglikemedoesn'tnoticethecoldsomuch,thesedays,"Philipsaidapologetically,"Anditdoesn'tbotherLeomuchonewayortheother."Rachael'scheektwitchedforasecond,butPhilipdidn'tnotice.Hescratchedhishead."Perhapsyoushouldhaveagoatthisheating.You'reacleverlass,andIcan'tmakeheadortailofthething,tobehonest."Rachaelputtheplasticbagdownandinspectedthethermostat."I'mnotsureit'sworkingproperly,Philip,"sheconcluded,"IpromiseI'llhaveawordwiththemaboutcomingovertocheckit.""Noneedtogotoallthattrouble,"saidPhilipasheambledovertothekitchenettecorneroftheroom."Leo,forgoodnesssake,couldn'tyousaysomethingciviltoMissRachaeljustthisonce?"hehissed.ButLeostoodsilentlyinthecornerstaringatnothing.HealwaysretreatedintoaresentfulquietwhenMissRachaelcametovisit,whichconfusedPhilipnoend."NevermindaboutLeo,"Rachaelsaid.

"Please,taketheguest'sseat,Miss,"Philipsaid,"AndI'llgetsomenicestrongteaon.Onadaylikethisthere'snothinglike-""Agood,strong,fortifyingcupoftea,"Rachaelsaid,finishingwhatwasclearlyawell-wornphrase.Philip'seyestwinkled."That'sright."Rachaeltookthegoodseat.SheknewfromexperiencethatPhilipwouldprotestendlesslyifshetriedtomakehimtakeit.Therewerestillstreaksofstubbornnessinhim,nomatterhowmuchhehadchangedwhenhehadcomeback.Therewerestreaksofstubbornnessinhertoo,forthatmatter,andthatremindedhertoalwayskeepaneyeoutandtrynottorepeatthemistakesofthepast.Hehadn'tbeenabletounbendaninch,butshe'dforceherselftocompromise,evenifitkilledher.She'dtakethegoodseat."Thepaintlooksokay,"shecalledovertoPhilip,whowasfiddlingaboutinthekitchen,"Brightenstheplaceupabit.""Well,Leocomplainsthatitremindshimofhospitalpaint,butIthinkit'sverynice,"saidPhilip.Rachaelwatchedthegrey-hairedmanashehummedtohimselfwhiletheteabagsfloatedintheunmatchedmugs,oneblue(forher)andonechippedandbrightgreen(forhim)."I'vegotyouafewthingstoeat,"shesaid,swingingtheplasticbaginhisdirection,"Youknowyoualwaysforgettofeedyourselfproperly.Justsomeeasytinnedthings,meatandvegandthatkindofthing.Somenoodlestoo,simpleenoughtostickinboilingwater.Oh,andthoseplaincrackersyoulike."Philipbeamedather."You'reverykindtolookafterasillyoldfellowlikeme,MissRachael."Shetwistedhershoulderslikeshehadsomethingshewasthinkingofsaying,butintheendshedecidedagainstit.PhilipfoundtheUHTcartonofmilk,somethingelsethatRachaelhadbroughtacaseofononevisitbecauseheeitherforgottobuymilkatall,orheforgotthathehadboughtitforsolongthatitwentoffandbecameaputridstewofwhiteflecksandoldcreamchunks.TheUHTmilktastedalittlefeebletoPhilip(althoughheonlyevertoldLeothat,andwouldnevermentionittothatniceMissRachael),butshehadexplainedthatitwassafertohaveinthecupboard-itlastedforagesallsealedaway,anditcameinsmallenoughcartonsthatifheforgotaboutitonceopened,itwasn'ttheendoftheworld.Oncehe'dwrestledthecartonopen,heploppedthethinmilkcarefullyintothetwomugs."Hereweare!"Philipdeclared,handingheronemugandtakinghisseatnexttoher.Helookedhappilyaroundthebarelyfurnishedroom."Ienjoyyourvisits.I

justwishwe'drememberedtogetsomebiscuits.Leoneverremindsmeaboutthatsortofthing."Rachaeltiltedherhead."I'llgetyousomedigestivesnexttime.They'vealwaysbeenyourfavourite."Philipnoddedinagreement."Yes.Goodsolidbiscuit,thedigestive.Goesverywellwithanicefortifyingcupoftea.LeoandIloveanicedigestivebiscuit.""Andyouarelookingafteryourself?Keepingupyourwalking?Thedoctorssaiditwasimportantforyoutostayactive,didn'tthey?"Philipnodded."Leosaysit'stoogreyandmiserable,butIenjoyourwalks.Oh!Idon'tthinkwe'veshownyouthepaper!"Hehandeditoverandpointedtotheluridheadlineabouttheheadlesscorpse,"That'showwecameacrossthis.Theydon'tmentionus,thankgoodness,butLeoandIfoundthebody,andyouwouldn'tbelieveit,butitwasthepoorremainsofthatMr.Craydowntheroad."Rachaelblanched."Acorpse?Geezus."Shesippedthoughtfullyathertea."Cray-washethathorribleonedowntheroadwhohadthatcreepywayofstaringatmewhenIwentpast?Healwaysstandingtherewithasmokeanddrink,andhewasalwaysleeringwasn'the?Onceortwicehesaidsomeprettyunpleasantthingstome.""Well,hewasadifficultfellowtolike,Igrantyou,"Norwichsaid,"ButI'mnotsurehedeservedtohavehisheadcutoffandtobedumpedinaditchinthewood.""Anditdidn'tfreakyouout,findingaheadlessbody?"Philipthoughtaboutthisandshookhishead.Rachaelstaredintohermuglikeshecouldseesomethinginthelittlebrownislandsofteastainsontheceramicatthebottom.Shetwistedhermouth."No,Iguessadeadbodywouldn'tspookyou,wouldit,Philip?Isupposeyou'veseennastiercrapthanthatinthepast.Iguessyouaren'teventooworriedthattheremustbesomecrazybastardouttherewhokilledCray."Suddenlyrememberinghisowntea,Philiptookabiglukewarmgulp.Rachaelgotupandinspectedthelockonthefrontdoor,clickingitbackandforthafewtimesandmakingacluckingnoise.Whenshewassatisfiedthatitofferedsomemodicumofsecurity,shereturnedtotheguestseatandleanedovertowardsPhilip."Listen,"shesaidslowlyandpatiently,"Justbecareful,willyou?Aheadlessbodymaynotruffleyou,butrememberthisguyonlylivedafewdoorsdown.Whoeverdidthatmightstillbearound.Don'tgowanderingaboutatnight,andalwayscheckyou'velockedthefrontdoor."

Hesmiledatherlikehedidn'thaveaworryintheworld,buttriedtolooklikehe'dtakenthatallin."Youdon'tneedtotroubleyourselfaboutus,"Philipsaid,pattingherhand,"Leonevermissesathing.He'llletmeknowifthereareanydangerous-lookingsortsaround.Anyway,Ican'timagineanyonewantstocutoffmyhead.""Maybe,butIcanimaginesomeonewantingtocutoffLeonidas'head,"Rachaelmutteredtoherself.Shetooktheemptymugsintothekitchenetteandwashedthem,despitehisprotests,scrubbingatthestainsuntilthemugswereascleanasyoucouldgetthemwithoutusingsandpaper."Ineedtogetback,"shesaidapologetically,"Don'tforgottokeepyourselffed.Andlookafteryourself.Don'tlistentoLeotoomuchifyoucanhelpit.IfIcan,I'lltrytopoppastinafewdaystomakesureyou'reokay."Henoddedthankfullyandwalkedherthefewstepstothefrontdoorwithcomicalformality."Youareverykindtome,MissRachael,butyoudon'tneedtobothersomuchaboutasillyoldfellowlikeme."Shefrownedathimasshelookedback,saidhergoodbyesandwasgone.

6.Leowasverytwitchy.Notasingleoneofthepuzzlestheyhadinthehousecouldkeephimoccupied.Whenhebecamebored,hebecameagitated,andhepacedconstantlybackwardsandforwardinfrontofNorwich,likeananimaltestingthelimitsofhiscage."Beagoodfellowandtrytorelax,Leo,willyou?"saidPhilipdisapprovingly.Buttheclean-shavenmankeptpacingbackandforth,shakinghishead,likehehadsomethingtroublesomecaughtinhisjaws."Itwon'tdo,atall,old-man,"Leonidasgrowled,"Youmightbehappytosagthereintoagreatlump,butI'mnot.Herewehavesomethinginterestinghappenrightinourfrontyard,andyouwanttojustsithereyawningstupidlywithyourhandsfolded?"Philipfrownedatthis.Hishandsweren'tfolded.Infact,oneofhishandswasdrumminguncontrollablyonhisleftleginfurioustimetoLeo'sfrustratedmarchingupanddown.Hecouldn'trememberthelasttimeLeohadbeenthisworkedupoversomething.ItwasreallyquiteunsettlingforPhilip,whohadmostlylearnedtoembracethequietroutineoftheirlittleplaceandwasperfectlyhappytogoonwithhisdayswithoutworryingaboutwhereMr.Cray'sheadhadgotto.HemadeanotherfutileattempttoreturnLeo'sattentiontooneofthepuzzlebooks,butLeoonlysneeredandwavedthethingaway."We'vegotarealpuzzlejustoutthere,youoldduffer.WhokilledCray,andwhy?"Philipshrugged."Asyou'vesaidmanytimes,Leo,Mr.Craycouldbeanotentirelypleasantfellow.Perhapshehadenemies?"Leoflappedhishandsintheair."Idon'tdoubthehadanentiregalleryofenemies,butwheredoesthatgetus?No,no,ifyouhatesomeone,maybeinanunguardedmomentyoufindyourselfshootingthemorstabbingorbashingtheirheadin,butittakesworktosawsomeone'sheadoff.That'snottheworkofanemotionaloutburst.That'shackingatbone,andbloodeverywhere,andmess.Whybotherwithitall?"Philipsuckedathischeekthoughtfully."P'rhapsbecausetheybashedhisheadin,likeyousaid?Easiertogetridofit?Perhapsjusttoneatenthingsupabit?"Leohardlyseemedtobelistening."You'dpresumetheywantedtotryandpreventidentifyinghimforaslongaspossible?Butwhatonearthwasinthemindofwhoeverdidthehatchetfacein?

That'swhatIwanttoknow!"Philippokedatthelatestpaperonthefloorwithhisfoot."Thenewspapersaysitmightbeoneofthosefellowsthatliveinthetentsoutthewoods.Aviolentdrifter."Leosnortedindisdain."Alunatic?That'samoronictheory.Arandomlunatichappenstostrayoutofthewoodstofindthisoneparticularindividual,orlureshimbacktotheirgrottytentwiththepromiseofsmokesandsweetiesorsomething,andthennotonlymurdershim,butgoestotheunnecessarytroubleofchoppingoffhishead?"Leo'sjawset,whichPhilipknewwasabadsignforhispeaceandquiet."No,"Leosaid,crackinghisknucklesmethodically,"Someonekilledhimbecausetheyhadareasontokillhim,andthentheyhadareasontotrytohidethemurder.There'sapatterninallthis,oldman.Can'tyoufeelit?It'sontheedgeofthemind,justtinglingawaythereandwaitingforustofinditallout."LeoturnedtoPhilipandgrinnedevilly."Amurder!It'sthemostexcitingthingtohappenaroundhereinsometime.Whatgoodluck!"***TheonlywaytogetLeonidastoleavehimaloneforfiveminuteswasforPhiliptoagreethatthey'dseeiftheycouldfindoutanythingaboutthemurder.ItwascleartoPhilipthatLeoonlycaredaboutthemurderinsofarasitprovidedapuzzletokeephimoccupied.Leo,whilepacingabout,retortedthatitwasimperativethattheyinvestigatethedeathforthefollowingreasons:1.Becausethemurderhadoccurrednotfarfromwheretheylivedandthevictimwasknowntothem,indicatingthathelpingfindtheperpetratorwouldnotonlyensuretheirownsafety,1.b.butalsothesafetyofthosearoundthem,whocouldnotpossiblysleepsafeintheirlittlebedswhilesuchadangerousindividualorindividualswereatlarge.2.Giventhepoorfundingofthelocalconstabularyandthesadtruththatuptotwenty-fivepercentoflocalcrimesoverthelasttenyearshadremainedunsolved,theywouldonlybedoingtheirsmallcivicdutyininvestigatingthecrime.3.Theyhadaparticularinsightintothecrime,sincetheynotonlyfoundthebody(oratleast,mostofthebody),buthadevenknownthehatchet-facedbastardwhenhe'dbeenaliveandterrible.4.Inaddition,theyknewthearea.5.Finally,theyhadnothingbettertodo,andeveniftheydidendupgetting

murderedthemselves,atleasttheywouldn'tdieofmoulderingboredom,rottingintheircoldroomuntilsomeonecamearoundtocheckonthem.Philipdisagreedverystronglywiththatlastpoint,buthedidfeelthatthetwoofthemhadanobligationtohelptheircommunityinanywaytheycould.Leoinsistedthattheyneededtodomoreresearch,sofirstofalltheyreturnedtoMr.V.'sshoptocollectallthereportsontheincident.TheycameuponMr.V.inmuchthesamepositionhewaseverin,joinedatthewaisttohiscountertop.Hehadapileofpistachiostohisleftonthecounter,andhewasdaintilyandcarefullypickingupnutsone-by-one,shellingthem,swallowingtheinsides,andmakinganeatarrangementoftheshellsonhisright.TheeatingofthenutsseemedtogiveMr.V.noparticularpleasure,andhelookedasifthemainpointoftheexercisewasthecreationofthecircleofhalfshellsontheright.Hedidn'tpauseabeatintheconstructionofhislittlepistachiogardenasthebelljingled,buthiseyesandbushyeyebrowsfollowedPhilipNorwicharoundtheroomwithevenmoresuspicionthanusual."Hello,Mr.V.,"saidPhilipweakly.Hewasmetbythestonyandirresistiblebushystare.ThesilencewasbrokenonlybytherhythmiccrackofMr.V.splittingnutshells.ItwastoomuchforPhiliptotake.Heswallowed."Um,Isupposeyou'vereadaboutthemurder?"hecroakedout,sincehefeltlikehehadtosaysomething.Leorolledhiseyesandgroanedindespairatthislackofsubtlety."I'msureyoureadaboutit,Mr.V.,"Philiprepeatednervously,wavinghishandsinarcsbackandforthintheshoptoindicatethatnodoubtmostofthepublicationsontheracksinMr.V.'snewsagencywerediscussingthelocalmurder,uptoandincludingtheinternationalbusinessmagazinesandthedirtybooksinthehalfwrappersintheupperleftcorner.Mr.V.'seyebrowsseemed,ifanything,tohavebecomelargerandwilderashestared."Don'treadthepapers,"themanundertheeyebrowsmuttered.ThissothrewPhilipthatforsomemoments,hemadestutteringuhmingandahingnoises."Actually,thebodywasfound-"Philipeventuallycroakedout,butwascutoffbyLeonidashissinginhisear."Quiet,youcretin!"Leowhispered,"Themanalreadythinksyou'resomesortofuntrustworthylunatic,which,parentheticallyIcanunderstandfromthelookofyou,youshamblingheap,butdon'tencouragehimbysayinganythingabouthowwefoundCray'scorpse!Justbuythebloodypaperssowecanstartresearchingthecase!"

Philipnodded.Leopointedoutthepapersmostlikelytocontainsomethingrelevant,andPhilipgatheredthemclumsilyandpiledtheminfrontofMr.V.,whostoppedpilingpistachioshellslongenoughtotakemoney.Philiptuckedthepapersunderhisarmandmadeadashforit.Backhome,PhiliphadthepapersspreadouttotherelevantarticleswhileLeostalkedangrilybetweenthem.Philipheldafreshlysharpenedpencilinonehandandasmallnotepadopenonhislap,readytotakenotesasandwhenLeothoughtofrelevantpoints.Sofar,Philiphadwrittendown"Mr.Cray-NoHead"andunderlineditthreetimes.Leonidasspatwithdisgust.Asfarashewasconcerned,thelackofanythingintelligentfromeitherreportersorfromthelocalconstabularyonlyemphasisedhowmuchtheyneededLeo'shelp.Hedeclaredthattryingtofindanythingoutfromthesearticleswasliketryingtowringadropofsensefromabigfruitbowlofidiots.PhilipwasjustabouttosaysomethingabouthowhethoughtthatladyfromtheHeraldGreenwroteverywellandatleastseemedtoknowsomethingaboutthemurder,butbeforehecouldfullyarticulatethis,hewasinterruptedbyaknockatthedoor.Philipopenedthedoortoashortwomanholdingaclipboard.Herentirefacelookedlikeithadbeenmadeforprofessionalsmiling,fromherchubbyinnocentcheeks,toherwidedarkeyes,andthevaguelyshiningqualityofherskin.Leosworeloudlyattheintrusion."Hello?"saidPhilip."HelloandBonjour,sir!"shesaidwithallthesaccharineradianceofChristmaslightsmadeoutoffairyfloss,"MynameisMarie,andit'sapleasuretomakeyouracquaintance,sir!"Philipfoundhimselfshakingherhand."We'reintheareaatthemoment,sir,becausewerepresentagroupworkingtogetherwiththelocalgovernmenttohelppeoplejustlikeyou,sir.""Um,"saidPhilip,butbeforehehadthechancetoexpandonthis,theladyhadrushedonwithherpatter."I'dliketotakeamomenttoexplainwhatourschemedoesforthoselocalswhoareeligible,sir.Weworktohelpthoseindividualswhoneedhelpwithapplyingforgovernmentassistance,pensions,andgrants,andweunderstandthatyouarereceivingsomesuchassistanceatthisaddress,andwe'dliketoofferourservicestomakesureyouaregettingalltheappropriatehelpyouneed.""Actually,it'smeandLeowholivehere,"saidPhilip,gesturingbackattheangryfigure.Thedoor-knockerwasthrownoffherspeech,andherbigcartoon

eyesstaredattheemptyspacewherePhilipwaspointingbeforesomeunderstandingdawned."Oh,right,you'retheguywiththepersonalitything,"shesaidcarelessly,butsaveditfromthisbriefmomentofunprofessionalclipboardismwithanimmediatereturntothebrightscriptedtoneofthepreviousspeech."Whichistosaythatwethinkwecancertainlyhelpyou,sir.Almosteightypercentofourclientsseeasubstantialincreaseintheirbenefitswhentheyworktogetherwithus."Leonidascouldn'tstandanymoreofthistime-wastingbythispoint.Peoplewerealwaysknockingontheirplasticyellowdoortobotherthemaboutirrelevantnonsense.Thisweekalonethey'dalreadyhadanearnestyoungmanatthedoorstepaskingwhethertheywantedtosaveontheirheatingbillbyupgradingtheirdouble-glazing,andapairofgirlsaskingifthey'dliketocontributetothecharitablecausethatwassomehowgoingtoworkonstoppingpeoplefromdyingsomuchfromheartdiseaseorbraincancerorsomething.Thebestthingtodotoavoidthesetime-wasters,asfarasLeowasconcerned,wouldbetonevereveranswertheaccurseddoor."Tellhertojustbloodygoaway!"heshoutedtoPhilip."I'mtryingtofindawaytodoso,thankyou,Leo,inamannerthatisn'tquitethatrude!"Philipresponded,whichfurtherunsettledtheladywiththeclipboard.Norwichsmiledsweetlyather."I'mterriblysorryabouthim,butI'mafraidthisisn'tagoodtime.We'reabitbusythinkingaboutacorpseatthemoment,yousee.""Don'ttellherthat,youtwit!"Leosaidinthedistance.Mariewiththeclipboardseemedtohavedecidedthattherewerelotsofotherdoorssheshouldbeknockingonrightnowinstead."Right,okay,"shesaid,hersmilegettingmorestrained,"I'lljustleaveourmaterial,shallI?You,uh,getincontactwithus,andletushelpyou."NorwichtookthepamphletofferedasMarieandherclipboardwalkedoffquicklytoanyotherdooronthestreet.Norwichgatheredupthesprawlednewspapersandstackedtheminthemiddleoftheroom.Hestoodbackandlookedatthestackadmiringly."Well,Ican'tsayIfeellikeI'manywiserforreadingthroughthatlot,"Philipsaid.Leorotatedhishandsinlittlecirclesoneithersideofhishead."It'sgoodbackgroundmaterial,oldman.Wejustleaveittheretochurnandfermentaway,addinginformationtothewholebrewuntilit'sready."Philipsuddenlyfeltverythirsty.Whathadthedoctorssaidabouthavingadrink?

BothheandLeowerepartialtotheoccasionalrefreshingsnifter.LeosnappedhisfingersinfrontofNorwich'sface,bringinghimbackfromthoughtsofenticingballoon-shapedglasses."Comeon,man,"Leonidasdeclared,"Notimeforovinewool-gatheringnow.We'restartingtobuildupmomentum.Wecan'tletdistractionslikethatirritantatthedoorslowusdownnow!Wehavetogetouttherewhilewecanstillsmellthetrail!"Philipgaveanexperimentalsniff."Wheretonow,then,Leo?""I'vegotagoodmapinmymindnowofthesurroundingareas.We'regoingtomethodicallyscourthelocalenearwherewecameacrossheadlessCray."Philipassumedthatthepolicehadprobablyalreadydonethat,orthatitwasatleastontheirlistofthingstodo.Ontheotherhand,itwasgoodtoseeLeoexcitedaboutsomethingbesideshowmuchthelocalpeopleannoyedhim,sothatseemedtohimtobeworthencouraging."Getsomebloodysturdytrouserson,oldman,"Leoinsisted,"Andlet'sgetbackoutthere."

7.SinceLeohaddecidedthattheyweregoingtowanderoversomelesswell-troddenpartsofthewoodsinsearchofclues,Philiphaddecidedtoequiphimselfnotjustwithhistoughest,mostwaterprooftrousers,butthistimehe'drememberedtobringhiswalkingstick,incasehehadtonavigateanymoreuneventerrainagain,orincaseheneededtobashabitofobstructionistfoliage.Itwasagoodstick,achunkywoodenstickthatPhiliphadboughtbackwhenhewasdoingabitofphysicalrecoverywhentheyfirstmovedhimintothelittlebungalowwiththeyellowplasticdoor.Theyhadgivenhimametalcrutch,buthe'dleftitsomewherewhenhe'dgoneoutwalkingandthencouldn'tfinditagain,soPhiliphadthenfoundthissturdystickforcheapataplacethatmostlysoldoldfurniture.Thisstickwascomfortinglythick,knobbly,andadarkredcolour.LeosaiditmadePhiliplooklikeawizardwhohadfallenonhardtimes.Rightnow,however,Philipfounditwasusefultogivehimsomesupportastheywendedtheirwayoverslipperybedsofdecomposingwetleaves.Leocalculatedthatthey'dhaveanhourortwoofdecentlight,oratleastasdecentasitgotinthisgreyseason.Incasetheygothungry,Philiphadbroughtalongaboxofsultanas.MissRachaelkeptgoingonabouthimrememberingtoeatproperly,sohe'dboughtabouttenboxesofsultanaswhichmeantthathewouldn'thavetothinkaboutsnacks.Everynowandthenastheywalkedintotheforest,Norwichchewedafewofthesesweetlittlethings.Theyhadabandonedthetrailandwerebackintheunkemptwoods.PhilipfollowedLeo,whowithhiseyesdartingfromspottospot,rushedalong,occasionallylettingouta"Hm!"ora"Hell!"ashetooknoteofthings.Philipfoundthegoingmuchmoredifficult,andhadalreadybeentangledupinseveralbushes.Hehadalsobeenhitinthefacebymanybranchesthatcameoutofnowhereandaimedstraightforhisface.Everytimehewasscratchedinthecheekorpokedsharplyintheheadbyapointofwood,Leowouldtellhimofffornotnoticingtheseperfectlyobviousobstacles.Philipwonderedaloudif,sincetheywereperfectlyobvioustoLeo,hewouldn'tmindpointingthemouttohimbeforeatreedecidedtowoundhimintheeye,butLeogrowledandinsistedthathehadhishandsfulllookingformurdercluesabouttheforest.Thelightwasdimmingandtheshapesofthewoodwerebeginningtolooklikeflatcut-outsilhouettes.Fromthecornerofhiseye,Norwichsawmovement.Hetwistedhisheadandsuddenlyfeltlight-headedasanobjecthecouldn'tsee

clubbedhimhardintheface.Confusingly,hishandswereupagainstsomethingdampandcrumblyandtherehisfacefeltwet.Hecouldn'tworkoutwhereexactlyhewas,butitcertainlydidn'tfeelright.Hisheadswam.Ittookhimsometimetorealisethatthiswasbecausehewasnolongerstandingupright,butwassprawledonwhatwasprobablytheground.Norwichtriedtomove,butsomethingwasholdinghislegtight.Hisheartstartedtobeatfaster.MaybeMissRachaelhadbeenrightaboutbeingmorecareful.Herehewas,outinthewoodsinthedyinglight,stompingaroundlikeafoolinaforestthathadbeenthesiteofatleastonecorpselately.Notonlyhadhelosthisstick,butLeonidaswasnowheretobeseen.Hegroanedandproppedhimselfuponanelbow,gentlyprobingtheswellingpainaroundhismouth.Whateverhadhithimhadsplithislipandhecouldfeelsomebloodgettingabouttheplace.Philiptookslow,measuredbreathsofcleanairandhisheadstartedtofeelbetter.Hetriedtolookabouthimtofindwhateverhehadseenshiftinhisperipheralvision."Leo!"hewhispered.Leonidascrawledalongside,cursing."Leo,someonegotme.Tookaswingatmyface,andnowanotherone'sgotmyleg,"Philipsaidquietly.Theybothturnedtolookdownatsaidleg."Yousillybloodyfool,"Leosaidwithexasperation,"You'vegotyourstupiddamnclompinglegtwistedinsomevines.""Ah,"saidNorwich,bashfully."Andtheonlyonewhobashedyoursillymugwasthatlogyouthrewyourfaceatwhenyoutrippedinthosedamnvines."Tooneside,apairoflittleglintingeyeswaslookingathimwithdisapproval.Itwasaparticularlyboldandjudgementalsquirrel.Thesquirrelmadeatsk-tsksortofnoise,twitcheditsnose,thenwasgone.WhenNorwichturnedhishead,hesawasimilarlookinLeonidas'face.Norwichstartedtoexplainhowhe'dwoundupontheground,butLeocutoffwithaseriesofrapidshushs.Hepointedatatreenotfaraheadofthem."Quiet,dunce,"hewhispered,"Youmighthavestumbledonsomethinginteresting.Look.Thebranchesovertherearebenttooheavilyforanyordinaryforestinhabitant.Somebodyishidinginthattree."Norwichnoddedandpickedhimselfsilentlyofftheground.Helocatedhiswizardstickandcreptasquietlyashecouldtowardsthetree.Therewasdefinitelysomeoneupamongtheleaves.Leotookupastancelikehewasreadytopounce.Norwichtriedtoimitatethewayhewasstanding.Helookedupatthehalf-concealedfigure,alittlebitatalossaboutwhattodonext."Helloupthere!"Philipcalledoutsuddenly.Leonidasgroanedinexasperation.

Well,Norwichreasoned,ifhe'dwantedhimtodosomethingelse,heshouldhavetoldhimwhattheplanwasbeforehand.Thebranchesstirred."Wouldyoumindifwehadaquickchatwithyou?""Police?"avoiceraspedfromthebranches.Norwichshookhisheademphaticallyandsmiledcomfortinglyupattheleaves.Thefigureupthetreeseemedtoconsiderforawhile,thenthebranchesshookanddislodgedapileofleavesandacompactfigurewithlongmattedhair."Whatchyawant?"themanfromthetreesaid.Leonidas'eyesnarrowedashelookedthispersonover,readingallthelittledetails.Male,overthirty,butlookedmucholder,nodoubtduetoterriblelivingconditions,suchaslivinginawood.Wearingathickbutstainedandtornpeacoat.Indesperateneedofahaircut.Alsosmelledverystronglyofthesortofspiritsthataresupposedtogointoamachineratherthanintoaperson."I'mPhilipNorwichandthisisLeo,"Philipsaid.TheautumnalmanblinkedattheemptyspacewhereLeowassupposedtobe,butsaidnothing.Philipbeamedsomemoreandheldouthisboxofsultanas,givingitanenticingshake."Helpyourself,"heoffered.Thetreemantooktheboxcautiouslyandpouredsomeintohismouth,chewingwiththecareofsomeonewhohadtoavoidusingseveralrottenteeth."Keeptherest,ifyoulike,"Philipsaid,"I'vegotanotherboxathome.""Whad'yawant?"mutteredthetreeman."Youseemafellowwhohasseenathingortwoinhistime.We'reinterestedtofindoutifyou'veheardanythingstrangeafewnightsago.Wefoundafellowwithouthisheadaroundthesewoods,yousee."Theraggedmanstaredandcarefullychewedsultanasforhalfaminute."Y'ain'tpolice?"herepeated.NorwichandLeoshooktheirheads.Crouchingdownontheground,theraggedmansniffedandpointedoffintothewoods."Strangenoisest'othernight,"hesaid,lookingmeaningfullyatNorwich,"Downthatway.Noisetravelsthroughtheforestinthenight.Soundsofbreakin'an'rippin'.Strangemoansan'howls."Theraggedmangavesomemoremeaningfullooksandraisedhishandsmenacinglyabovehisheadinasortofdanceimpressionofwhatsortofviolentthingmighthavemadenoiselikethat."Couldhavebeenthemurder,"PhilipmutteredoutofthesideofhismouthtoLeo."Maybe,"Leomutteredback,"Althoughthisvagrantlookslikehe'sfallenoutofalotoftreesinhistimeandheseemstothinkthatthemurdermighthavebeencommittedbysomerovingwoodlandbeast,soIwouldn'trelyonhimtoomuch

asacrediblewitness.""Still,hemightbeabletoshowuswherethenoisescamefrom,"Philipsaid,andLeonoddedinagreement.Ittooksometimetogettheraggedmantoleadthemtotheplacewherehehadheardtheviolentnoises.Leostrodebehindhimcloseathisheels,andNorwichbroughtuptherear,grippinghisstafflikeaweaponontheoffchancethattherewereotherthreatsunseeninthedarkeningwoods.Eventuallytheraggedmanbroughtthemtoaspotwherethemightystrugglebetweenforestundergrowthhadlefttheupperbranchesvictoriousandthegroundreasonablyclear.Leowalkedslowlyaroundtheplace,measuringouteverystep,thendroppedtohishaunches.Philipblinkedinquiringly."Lookatthis,"Leosaidwavinghisfingersoverasquarisharea,"Thegrassandvegetationhavebeencrushedbyaspreadweighthere,andnotthatlongago."Hestoodupandpointedawayfromtheflattenedpatch."Draggedtracksleadfromherebacktooneofthefarmpaths.""Someonemighthavebeenhere?"Philipventured."Notjustsomeone,oldfacesmacker,butadefinitesomeone.Amurderingsomeone."Leomotionedatsomecrud-encrustedlow-growingleafyplants.Itwashardtotellinthislight,butwhenPhilipsquinted,hewasprettysurethatwasn'tthenaturalcolourofthisvarietyofplantatthistimeofyear.Thatwasthenaturalcolourofblood.Leogrinnedwolfishlyandhiseyesgleamed."Itoldyouitwasworthcomingouthere!OurlittleunwashedfriendhasbroughtusrighttotheveryspotwhereMr.Crayhadhisheadsawnoff."Hestoodupandshookhisheadcritically."Andfromthesprayandmesseverywhere,arightshamblesofajobI'dsaytheydid,too."

8."Bloodyhell,Philip,youneedtotakemorecareofyourself,"Rachaelsaidasshedabbedawodgeoftoiletpapersoakedinsomemedicalalcoholontohissplitlipandcleanedthebloodandforestgrimefromhisface.ThealcoholtingledonPhilip'sface.RachaelhadshownupunexpectedlytocheckonNorwichandwouldn'tstopfussingoverhim.Asithappened,LeonidashadspenttheeveningaftertheirtriptothewoodconvincingNorwichthattheyshouldn'ttellanyonewhatthey'dbeenuptountiltheyhadabetterofideaaboutwhohaddonethathackjobonCrayoutintheforest.PhiliphadwantedtotellyoungMissRachaelabouttheirinvestigation,butLeohadworkedlongandhardtopersuadehimthatshe'djustworryabouttheshamblingbeardyfool,andshemighttrytokeepthemfromgoingabouttheirbusiness.Besides,Leoinsisted,theydidn'tneedanyinterferingbusybodiesgettingintheirwayjustwhenthecasewasstartingtobediverting.Intheend,PhiliphadtoldMissRachaelthathe'dtakenabitofaspillwhenheandLeowereoutwalkinginthewoods,whichwastrueenough.Rachaelsighedasshethrewthegrubbypaperintothebin.SheturnedandinspectedNorwich'sface."Well,itlooksslightlylessbadnow,anyway.Thatunkemptbeardofyoursatleasthidessomeofthecutsandscrapesonyourface.""Oh,Idon'tmind.Itdoesn'thurt,"hesaidgently.Rachaellookedscepticalandstoodwithherhandsonherhips."Younevercouldadmitifsomethingwaspainful,couldyou,youtougholddog?"Leonidasstoodinthecornersilently.Rachaelsighed."Look,Ican'tbearoundallthetimekeepinganeyeonyou,Philip.Youdon'twanttoendupbackinhospital,doyou?Ordoingyourselfsomeproperinjury?"Norwichsmoothedbackthelonggreystrandsofhishair."There'snoneedtoworryaboutus,MissRachael.LeoandIwillkeepaneyeoneachother."Rachaelgroundherteeth,andlookedlikeshewasabouttosaysomethingangrywhenthewindowstartedvibratingintimetoaregularbassbeatpassingoutside.Thebungalowswerenotbuiltforsoundinsulation,whichwasperhapsnotthefaultofthedesigners,becausetheycouldneverhavepredictedthattechnologywouldadvancetothepointwhereassault-poweracousticequipmentwouldbeavailableforpurchasebyanynoisycretin.Thethumpofthemusiccominginfromthestreetwassoloudthatitwasn'tanentirelysurethingthatNorwich'sfrontwindowwouldn'tshakeitselfoutofitsframe,shimmyafewstepsoffthesillandsmashitselftobitstoapumpingbeat.

Stridingovertothewindow,Rachaelputherfingersonthepaneasiftostopitdancingoffitsperch.Shepeeredoutside."It'sthatidiotBadBradandhisnoisemobileagain,"shemuttered.Bradwasthemainindividualemployed,atleastostensibly,tostopthegovernment-ownedbungalowsfromfallingintototalruin.Braddroveasportylittleredhatchbackthatwasessentiallyatransportsystemforloudness.ThecarhadawhinygrowlofanenginethatactuallysoundedabitlikeBradhimself,andbesidesasmalltokenareaforhistools,themajorityoftheredhothatchbackwassetasideforunnecessarilygiganticspeakers.LeonidaswasconvincedthatBrad'smusicwasnotinfactmusicatall,butsomesortofskull-grindingexperimentinsonictorturethathadaccidentallybeenleakedtothepublic,whereithadbeenembracedbylistenerslikeBradwithincomprehensiblymasochisticverve.Betweenthesoundofhismotorandthemusicbeingexcretedoutofthegiantspeakers,youcouldtellwhenBradwasdrivingdownthestreet.Hewasalwaysoneforself-promotion,wasthatlad.Hehadastickerofhisownnamesurroundedinflamesonthebackwindowofhiscar.PhilipjoinedRachaelbythewindow.Outside,BadBradwasleaningoutthewindowofhiscartoshoutatoneofNorwich'sneighbours.Bradhadhishairpeakedatananglewithgel,waswearinggold-tintedaviatorsunglassesandwasdisplayingaselectionofhisself-brandedjewellery.OneofBrad'sfavouritethings,besideshiscar,wasagiganticringheworeonhislefthandthatspelledoutBAD-BRADingoldlettersthatspannedtheknucklesofthathand.Rachaelgrimaced."Jeezus,"shesaid,"Thesightofhimmakesmyskinwanttomakearunforit.Thatmanboyislivingproofthatbeingaself-involvedmoronisawildlysuccessfulevolutionarystrategy."ShescowledinthedirectionofBradandshookherhead."Youknow,hewassupposedtodothepaintinghereinyourplace,Philip?Iranghimoverandoveragain,andintheendheworemedownandIdecidedtojustdoitmyself.Maybethat'shisgeniusstrategy.Haveyouevernoticedthathe'salwaysthumpingupanddownheresobloodyofteninthatstupidlittlecarofhis,yetheneveractuallyseemstobedoinganydamnmaintenanceontheseplaces?"RachaeldecidedthatshewasgoingtotalktoBradaboutimprovingthelockonNorwich'sdoor.Sheranoutandstoodbyhiscar,shoutingathimoverthenoiseofthemusicandwavingherarmsfuriously.Heshookhisheaduncomprehendingly,madeafewgesturesthattoldhernothingclear,andthenroaredoffdownthestreet.Rachaelstoodtherescowlingintothedistance.LeonidasbecamemoreanimatednowthatRachaelwasoutoftheroom,andstartedtappingoutapensiverhythm.Philipthoughtitwassurprisinglycloseto

thewindow-shakingbeatthathadcomeoutofBadBrad'scar."IcanonlyhopethattheclarioncallofBrad'samplifiednoise-spewindicatesthatwe'vealmostdonewastingtimehere,oldman,"Leosaidwithhislipspursed,"We'vedonethewoods,butournextstephastobetoscourthelocalareatosuckoutwhateverinformationwecanfindinthesedepressingsurrounds.Abitofvapidchit-chatwouldbe,Ifancy,ataskcompletelyupyouralley.Weneedtohavealittletalktotheneighbours."Rachaeldidn'tstaymuchlonger,asshesaidshehadworktobegettingbackto.Shedid,however,refusetodepartwithoutgivingPhilipafurthersterntalking-toabouttakingcareofhimself.Norwichmumbledaboutdoinghisbestonthatfront,andalthoughRachaelraisedadistrustfuleyebrowatthisandagaintoldhimnottolistentoLeonidastoomuch,shedidn'thavethetimetoworkoutifherinstructionshadpenetratedthefoggygood-naturedsmileofPhilip.Assoonasthedoorclosedbehindher,Leoclappedhishandstogetherandrubbedthemgleefully,ahungrygrinplayingabouthisface."Righto,oldman,"hedeclared,"Let'sgofindoutwhattheneighboursheardaboutthatdeadoldbastardthen,shallwe?"NorwichstartedtotalkabouthowMissRachaeltoldthemtobecareful,butLeonidascuthimoff."Idon'twanttohearthatguff!"Leosaidfirmly,"Whatelsedoyouhavetodothat'ssoimportant?Staythereuntilyoureachaperfectstateofzendullnessandthenstartworkingondecomposing?Upandatthem,oldman!"Asithappened,Philipquitelikedtheideaoftalkingtotheneighbours.Hereasonedthatitwasalwaysafinethingtoknowthepeoplewholivedaboutyouandtolearnabouthowtheylived.Whenalocaltragedylikethishappened,hemusedaloud,talkingtopeopleintheareawasjusttheneighbourlythingtodo."Yes,yes,fine,"agreedLeonidasimpatiently,"Shallwe?"Cray'shousewastwototherightoftheconcretepaththatdividedhisrowfromthemirrorimageofbungalowswhereNorwichlived.Crossingoverthepath,PhilipandLeoknockedonthefirstdoor,whichwasslowlyopenedbyatinywizenedfigure.ThiselderlyindividualeitherwasunabletocommunicatewithNorwich,orhadnointerestindoingso,andafterafewcheerfulconversationalgambitsfromPhilipweremeteitherwiththelittlefigurestaringblanklyormumblingsomethingesoteric,thedoorwasclosedintheirface.Leosworeindisgustandsaidsomeveryunkindthingsaboutthatparticularneighbour.Soldieringon,thepairofthemwentpasttheformerdoorstepofMr.Cray,pausingonlyforamomenttolookuponallthatremainedasamemorialofhis

life-ascatteringofcigarettebuttsandsomeemptybeerbottlesandcans.PresumablyitwouldbeBadBrad'sjobtoclearallthatup,whichexplainedwhyithadn'tbeendone."Iwonderwhowilltidyupafteruswhenwego?"Philipwondered."Idon'timaginethere'llbeallthatmuchtotakecareof,oldman,"Leogrunted,"Comeon,let'stryCray'sotherneighbour."Theyknockedonanotherdoorandheardawoman'svoicescreamingatsomeone.Whenthedooropened,therewasaladywithanalmostperfectlyroundfacewithblondestreaksinherhair,whichwaspulledbackandtiedupbehindherheadintoasharppointoffollicles.Hermoon-shapedfacegaveanouterappearanceofyouth,butasyoutravelledinwards,youcametothedarklinedandsunkeninteriorofherbloodshoteyes."Yes?"shesaidangrily,whichwasfairenough,asPhilipsuspectedthatheandLeohadbeenstaringathermostrudely.Behindthelady,twogirls,twosmallerversionsofthewomanatthedoorwereusingrainbow-colouredtoyhorsestohaveaviolentswordfight.Oneofthelittlegirlssmackedthesmallestoneontheknuckleswithherponyandthelittlestonescreamedatapitchtoohighandscrapingforhumanearstodealwith.Leogrittedhisteeth.Hewasn'tveryfondofchildren.WhilePhilipsmiledstupidlyandintroducedthemselvesinabumblingfashion,Leonidasglanceddown.Toonesidebythefrontdoorwaspileofmail,kickedtooneside,presumablybythesunken-eyedmotherwhohadalongscheduleofthingstoworryaboutbeforeshegottosortingthroughthemail.Leoreadhernamefromtheaddressprintedonthetopmostcatalogue."HernameisCherylLamb,"LeowhisperedtoPhilip."Hello,Mrs.Lamb,"Philipsaidcheerily,unsureifheshouldofferahandtoshakeornot.Intheend,sinceCheryldidn'tlookkeen,hedroppedhishalf-raised-armbacktohisside."We're,um,here-"Norwichstumbled,feelingratheruncomfortableattheangrywaythosecratereyeswerestaringathim."Hereaspartofaneighbourhoodwatchscheme,"promptedLeo."Yes,that'sright,we'reheretotryandmaketheneighbourhoodabitsaferforallofus.TerriblewhathappenedtoMr.Craynextdoor,wasn'tit?""Yes,terrible,"Leosaidmockingly.FromthewayMrs.Lambtwitchedherheadandgavealittlesnort,itwasclearthatshedidn'tmissCraymucheither."WeneedtoknowwhatthatsneakybastardCraygotupto,"Leosaid."Whichistosay,"Philipsaidhurriedly,"DidyounoticeanythingoddaboutMr.Cray,um..."Norwichlookedoveratthetwoscreaminggirlsnowtryingtobludgeoneachothertodeathwiththeirequineweapons,worriedaboutmentioningthedelicatetopicofdeathintheirinnocentears,"Before,um,Mr.

Crayhadhis...incident."Mrs.Lambsnorted."Ican'tpretendhewasgoodpeople,Mister.Somepeoplearen'tmissedbyanyone.I'vegotenoughbloodytroublesofmyown,andallIreallywant,mister,isasimplegoddamnthing.Ijustwantsomepeaceandquiet.Justafewmomentsofrest.AndIain'tgreedyorunrealisticeither,mister,Idon'texpecttobegivenabloodythreeweekholidaylyingonabeachsippingmargaritasinthesun.Ijustwantafewminutesofquiet,soIcanrest.Maybe,ifI'mlucky,evensleepthroughforalittlewhilewithoutbeingwokenup.Butsomepeople,likeyourbloodyMr.Cray,aretoogoddamnselfishforthat."Mrs.LambglaredsuspiciouslyatNorwich,likehemightbeoneoftheseselfishindividualswhoseonlypleasurewastotortureherbydenyingherevensixtysecondsofuninterruptedquiet.Leonidasrolledhiseyes,alreadyfrustratedbythewholeconversationandirritatedbythemereproximityofscreamingchildren.Norwichspreadhishandsapologetically,andtriedtoconveythathewouldnevertrytopettilydenyabusyindividuallikeMrs.Lambherdulyappointedshareofrest.Inside,thebiggersisterhaddefeatedherlittlersister,andinvictorywasnowtryingtomakehersiblingeatherplastichorsey.Littlestsisterwasfightingbackbyexploringevenhigherfrequenciesofscreeching.Mrs.LambsaggedandtoldherdarlinglittleinfantstoPleaseShutTheHellUpforfiveminutes,OrElseThey'dBetterBloodyWatchIt."YouseewhatI'vegottoputupwith?Inevergetsamomentofquiet.There'sthemstupidlittleboysalwaysracingupanddownintheircars,there'sthepeoplehavingtheirargumentsoutonthestreetatallhours,andthentherewasthatMr.Cray.Hecouldn'tletanightgopastwithouthisdrinkingandplayinghismusicloud.Alwayshavingpeopleover,too,andsmashingbottlesandleavingamessalloverthefootpath.I'vegotkids,youknow?Theycouldhavegothurtwithallthecraphe'dleavearound."AtLeonidas'promptings,NorwichtriedtosteerMrs.Lambtowardsmorerelevantrantings,andagainaskedherifshehadseenanyoneunusualvisitingMr.Cray.Sheshrugged."Hehadpeopleallhoursofthenight.Nevergaveacrapaboutanyoneelsetryingtogettheirheaddown,theselfishprick."ThisparticularexpletivemadetheyoungerLambletsstopintheircombatlongenoughtocackle.Mrs.LambtoldtheminnouncertaintermstoShutIt."Allthatmesshemade,hisplacewasabloodyshambles.Iwouldn'twonderthat'dbewhyhealwayshadtogetrepairsdone.Didn'tshowanyrespectforhisplaceorforanyoneelseneither.Andyouknowhowharditistogetthemtofixanythingaroundhere?It'salwaystheundeservingprickslikeCraywhogetmore

thantheydeserve,isn'tit?Mr.Craywasthesortofguywhoalwaysmanagestosqueezeoutmorethanhedeserves.Isawthathehadthatfast-talkinglittlegovernmentladyaroundallthetime,too,probablygettingmorebenefitsthanhehadanyrightto."Mrs.Lambwentoninthisveinforsometime.LeomutteredinNorwich'searthathesuspectedthatshewouldsayanythingtopreventhavingtoclosethedoorandreturntotheworkofraisingtheLamblings.Possibly,evenstream-of-consciousbabblingtosomeoneatthedoorwasasgoodasaholidayforthehard-workingMrs.Lamb.NorwichnoddedalongtoeverythingMrs.Lambsaidlikeanoveltybobble-headedtoyuntilhisneckwasstartingtofeelstiffanduncomfortable."IthinkCherylherehastoldusanythingimportantsheknows,"saidLeo,impatiently,"She'salsotoldusanythingunimportantsheknows,aswellasseveralthingssheclearlydoesn'tknowabout.Ifwestandhereanylonger,shemightjuststartrepeatingthingsfromthebeginning."NorwichscowledatLeonidas."Pardonus,ifyouwill,Mrs.Lamb,"Philipsaidgallantly,"Andthankyouforyourtime.Weallneedtokeepaneyeoutforeachotherifthere'samurdererontheloose,don'twe?Ifyouhearanythingatall,don'thesitatetocomeoverandtalktous."Norwichpointedathisownfadedyellowdoor."We'rejustoverthere,mostofthetime."Mrs.Lambsnappedoutofherautospeakingreverie,sighed,andturnedbacktothetaskofwranglingheroffspring,whobythisstagewerenowbothwailingpiteouslyandaccusingeachotherofeverycrimeagainsthumanitytheiryoungmindscouldconjureup.NorwichsaidacheerygoodbyetoMrs.Lamb,wavedtothebawlingchildren,andhurriedafterLeonidas,whowasstridingoffinabitofhuff."Whyonearthdidyoutellherwherewelive?"grumbledLeo."Why?Incaseshewantedtocomeandtalktous."Leonidaslookedrepulsedattheveryidea.Theyhadquiteenoughirrelevantdisturbances,asfarashewasconcerned,withoutanyneedtoencouragemoretediouscompany."Ineedsomepeaceandquiettothink,andthere'snowaytogetitinourdrearylittleshack,"insistedLeo,turningdowntheconcretepaththatsplitthetwomatchingrowsofhouses.Thisledtoawobblynetworkofthindarkpassagesthatwendedtheirwaybehindthesecretbacksoftheestateblocks.Duetothearcanewisdomandstrangeartofthearchitectsandbuilderswhoproducedthisstamped-outneighbourhood,whilethestreetsechoedandbouncedsoundoffthefrontfacesoftherepetitivecheaplyconstructedbuildings,forsomereason,the

crampedbarely-plannedpathwaysbetweentheclumpsofbungalowswereeerilyquiet,asiftheysilentlyspongedupeverylastfootstepandshout.Thesebackwaysweremostlypopularwiththelocalcatsasameansofgettingabouttownquicklyandconveniently.Thegloomysilenceofthesealleystendedtoputoffthebipedaltraffic.Atcertainpointsthesepathsbranchedbacktothebusystreets,andasthepairwalkedalong,theygotaframedflashofnoiseandmovementoverintheoutsideworldofthesuburb.Leonidaswasdeepinthought.Norwichlistenedtothesoundoftheirfootstepsandtalkedpuss-nonsensetothemoggiescommutingwarilydownthealleyway.Theydidseverallapsofthelanecircuit,untilLeonidassnappedhisfingerssuddenlyandshookhishead.Heblanchedasifsomethingunpalatableandnauseatingwaslodgedinthetopofhisthroat."There'snohelpforit,oldman,we'regoingtohavetogotothelibrary."

9.AvisittothelocallibrarywasnohardshiptoNorwich.Helikedthefactthattherewerealwaysafewpeoplemillingaround.Healsolikedthattheindustrialbeigecarpetlookedcomfortinglylikethestufftheyhadintheirbungalow,andalsothatitmadeanoddlysatisfyingroughsoundwhenhelightlyscrapedhisheelbackandforthontheground,ashewasdoingnow.Leonidastoldhimtostop.Leohatedthelibrary,orrather,hedislikedthisparticularlibrary.Foronething,hewasadamantthataproperlibraryshouldhavemorebooks.Thickbooks.Ancientbooks.Bookspileduptotheroof.Booksspillingallabouttheplacesoyouhavetoclamberthroughanobstaclecourseofstackstoreachyourgoal.Bookscreepingsohighupoverthewindowsthatallbutacrackoflightwasblockedout.Thelocallibrary,Leocomplained,hadacoupleofcrappymuch-borrowedbest-sellersondisplayforpeopletoocheaporpoortobuytheirjunk-foodreading,aswellasafewthinvolumesofpoemsbylocalbores,andahodgepodgeofreferencematerialthatwasjustaboutusefulenoughforahighschoolkidtoproduceaninadequatereportonalimitedrangeoftopics.Norwichmusedthatitwasmostlyaboutcomputersnow,hesupposed,whichmadeLeobristledefensivelyanddeclarethatcomputersweregrandsystemsfordistributingpicturesofpuppiesandkeepingabeadyeyeonthepopulace,butcomputersweren'twhatmadeabloodylibraryaproperbloodylibrary.Thislibrary,Leonidassaidwithadismissivewaveofhishand,wasanopen-planofficethecouncilhaddumpedsomeshoddymetalshelvesin,alongwithsomecrappychairs,afewoutdatedoldcomputers,andaphotocopier.Norwichnoddedpleasantlyatthethreeregularlibrarians.Philipcouldn'trememberthenamesofthesethreewomen,buttheydidn'tseemtomindmuch.Asthethreelibrarianshadwrittenonsomeleafletoranother,oneoftherolesofthecommunitylibrarywastoprovideasafeandencouragingspace.Clearly,theythoughtNorwichlookedtobethesortoffellowwhoneededsafetyandencouragement.Philipsaidhellotothelibrarians,andthetriosaidhellobackinslightlyslowtones,asiftheydidn'twanttoscarehimoff.Leonidasmadeatskingsound.Heclaimedthathecouldrememberthelibrarian'snames,buthepeevishlyrefusedtotellPhilip,andinsistedoncallingthemMaiden,Mother,andCrone.Thereweren'tmanyotherpeoplearoundatthemoment,besidesafewoveratthephotocopier,wherealittlegrey-hairedoldladywasholdingupashortqueueofpeople.Shewasbecomingincreasinglyflusteredbecauseshewastryingtomakethemachinecopysomephotographsofhergrandchildren,butthe

wholeprocesswasamysterytoher.Withlaboriousslowness,Norwichbookedhimselfahalf-hourblockinfrontofoneofthechunkycomputers,andLeonidaswhisperedseveralthingshewantedtolookup.ThepairofthemreadthroughanythingtheycouldfindonthelateMr.Cray.Oncethey'dgonethroughthearticleswrittenonhisdeath,allofwhichunhelpfullyrepeatedidenticalphrasesasifthey'dbeenwrittenbythesameperson,Norwichfeltnonethewiseraboutthewholecase.TheythendecidedtoinvestigatetheclaimsoftheneighbourlyMrs.LambthatCrayhadbeensneakingundeservedsupportfromthegovernment.LeonidassteeredNorwichtoallsortsofboring-lookingwebsitesongovernmentbenefitsthathadspreadsheetsofinformationthatalmostmeantsomethingtoNorwich,butwhenhetriedtofocusonthecrashinglydullstuff,itallsortofwentfuzzy.Norwichtypedveryslowly,asifhehadtorememberwherethekeyswereeverytimehelookeddownfromthescreen.Storytimehadstartedoverinthefarcornerbythistime,andsincethelibrarywasjustonebigbeige-carpetedroom,Norwichwasnowfindinghimselfincreasinglydistractedbyoneofthelibrariansreadingaloudaboutabraveelephanttoasmallgroupofrestlesschildren."Thisiswhyaproperlibraryhaswalls!"Leohissed,"Ican'tstandanothermomenthere,andwe'vegotallIthinkwearegoingtogetoutofthisblandpurgatory.Let'sescape,immediately."Norwichstoodupandscratchedhisear."Youknow,Leo,IthinkImightjusthavealittlebrowsefirstthroughtheshelvesandborrowacoupleofbooks.""Ifyoumust,"saidLeothroughgrittedteeth,"Evenifyoualwaysforgottobringthedamnthingsback,andalwaysinsistongettingmushtoread."Philipambledovertoasectionoflocalhistory,bendinghisnecktoreadthetitlesonthespinesashewentalong."IwonderwhatsortofthingMr.Crayread?"hesaid,"Youcantellquiteabitaboutapersonbyhavingalookthroughtheirbookcase.P'rhapsifwecouldseeMr.Cray'sbookcasewe'dunderstandhimbetter,andmakesomeprogressonfindingoutwhomightwanttodohimharm?""Craydidn'tlookthesortofpersonwhowentinforbooks,oldman,"saidLeo,trailingsulkilybehind.BothheandNorwichstopped.Leo'seyesgrewwideandshoneandhiseyebrowsarched."Whatisit?"saidPhilip."Forgetyourbooks,youwell-disguisedscruffylittleinspiration,you'vegivenmeabrilliantidea,"saidLeo,delightedwithhimself,"We'regoingtojustgoandseeifMr.Crayhadanybookshelvesatall.""How'sthat?"askedPhilip.

Leonidaslickedhislipswithdelight."We'regoingtobreakintohishouse."***Theyarguedoverthisburglaryplanthewholewaybacktotheyellowplasticdoor.Agaggleofjostlingschoolchildreninuniformtookonelookattheslouched,wild-haired,andwiry-beardedfigureofNorwichstompingalongandtalkingloudlytonobodytheycouldsee,and,withthesamesortofinstinctivecollectivemotionyouseeinschoolsoffishandmurmurationsofstarlings,theuniformedkidssilentlyshiftedenmasseovertotheothersideoftheroad.PhilipexplainedrepeatedlythathewasreluctanttoforceentryintoCray'shouse.Leonidas,however,wasinsistent.Wassuchaprojectevenfeasible,Philipwondered?"IfIhadtherighttoolsaboutme,"LeoassuredPhilip,"Icouldshowyouhowtogetusthroughthatpatheticdoorinthirty-threeseconds.Thatwasmystandard,backintheday.""Butyoudon'thaveanylock-pickingtools,"Philippointedoutinsistently.Leonidaswasreluctantlyforcedtoacceptthatthiswastrue.Hecreasedhisbrow."Howaboutwemakesometools,then?""Idon'tthinkI'mkeentohelpoutwiththatsortofthing,"Philipsaid.Leonidaswavedtheideaaside."No,you'requiteright,oldsack,it'dtaketoolonginanycase,andIdon'twanttodelay.Weneedtoslipinassoonaswecan,andnomessingabout.I'veafeelingI'msodamnclosetogettingmyteethintosomeoneforthislittlemurderthatIcanalmosttasteit.Damnit!"Leokickedattheground."Steadyonthere,"Philipsaidsoothingly."Nevermind!"Leoshoutedwithatriumphantsnapofhisfingers,"I'vebloodygotit!Wewon'tbreakin.Forceisforfools.We'llusebrains.We'llmake'emletusin!"Leonidasplanwassimpleandreliedonboththewell-establishedhopelessnessofNorwich,theincompetenceofothers,andonthepoordesignchoicesoftherowsofmass-producedhouses."I'mstillnotsureaboutthis,Leo,"saidNorwich,fidgetingnervouslyonCray'sfrontstep."Stopworrying,youwreck,"Leohissed,thenrubbedhischinthoughtfully"Actually,onsecondthoughts,domoreofthatmournfulworrying.Itaddsanexcellentauthenticitytoyourperformance."

"Andwhatifwegetfoundout?""Simple.Justtellthemthatyouareapatheticconfusedsimpletonwhohasnoideawhathe'sdoing.There'snotapersonalivewhowouldn'timmediatelyacceptthattobecrushinglyplausible."TherattleofwindowstoabeatandtheroarofamotorheraldedthecomingofBadBradandhisnoisemobile.Theycranedtheirneckstoseethemaintenancemanboyscreechingdowntheroadataninadvisablespeed.Leonidasgrinnedhorribly.Forthefirsttimeever,hewasactuallypleasedtoseeBradarrive.Leonidas'planwassimple.Hereasonedthat:a)allthedoorsandhousefrontsinthestreetlookedthesame.b)mostofthehousesweremaintainedbythesamecompany.c)Bradwasinchargeoftheday-to-dayaspectsofsaidmaintenance.d)Bradwasaself-involvedcretin.e)Norwichlookedlikesomeonewhocouldlosehisownshoelaces.Therefore,NorwichhadphonedupBradandexplainedinhaltingtermsthathehadlosthiskeysandlockedhimselfoutofhishouse.LeonidasencouragedPhiliptoreallylayonthepatheticnesswiththelies,mimingforPhiliptoexaggeratehisimagineddistress,andtomentionhowcolditwasouthere,howhemightdropdeadfromexposure,nottomentionthefactthattherewasamurderersomewhereoutthere,andbeingoutsidewasjustencouragingsomeonetocomeandkillhim.ThiswasallverydistractingforPhilip,andhewasunsurehowmuchofithehadendedupsayingtoBradoverthephone.WhenPhiliphadexhaustedhispleading,BadBradgrunteddistractedly,andagreedinprincipletocomeandlethiminwiththemastersetofkeysatsomepointinthefuture.AsBradleaptoutofthecar,hespattooneside,andpulledapuffygoldenjackettightabouthim.Hehadhisbaseballcappulleddownlow.ThecaphadagiantBonit,onabackgroundofanexplosion.LeonidaslookedatBradscornfully,andnotedthathedidn'tseemtobewearinghisfavouritejewellery-hisbiggaudyBAD-BRADring.LeowonderedifBradhadsentitoffforaweeklypolishingorsomething.Bradswaggeredovertothem,squintingatthebigcollectionofkeysthatjingledmusicallyashewent.Itwasgettingdark,whichwaspartofLeo'splan.Hopefully,thelackoflightwouldmakeitevenlessobviouswhichhouseNorwichwasactuallystandinginfrontof."Orright,"saidBradwithanintolerantsniff,"Lockedyerselfout,haveya?That'sprettystupid,yeah?Yououghtabemorecareful,chum.I'vegotmoreimportantthingstodothanthis,right,mate?"Norwichapologisedprofusely,whileBadBradsuckedhisteethandshookhis

head,stillsearchingforthekey."Itsays2745onthelock,ifthathelps,"Norwichsaid,tryingtosoundlikehejustwantedtomakeituptoBrad.NorwichthenrepeatedthenumberofCray'shouseafewtimes.Bradhelduphishandimpatiently."Orright,orright,mate.Settledown.Herewego."NorwichheldhisbreathandsteppedtoonesidewhileBradfiddledwiththekey.Cray'sdoorswungopen.Leonidasalmostgiggledwithdelight.HegavethehandsignaltoPhilipthatwassupposedtoindicatethatheshouldscuffleintoactionandblockthedoorway,incaseBadBradmightnoticethiswasnotwhereNorwichlived."Thankyousomuch,Mr.Brad,"Norwichburbledtoaddtothedistraction,"That'sverykindofyou,helpingoutasillyoldfellow.It'sverymuchappreciated."Norwichtookabig,relievedgulpofair.Theyneedn'thaveworriedtoomuchaboutBradnoticingwherehewas.He'dturnedhisbackonthemandjumpedbackintothenoisemobilewithoutsomuchasabackwardsglancebeforeNorwichhadgottenhalfwaythroughhislittlethank-you.EvennowthemusichadstartedupagainandBradhadroaredimpatientlyofftohisnextmission."See,"Leosaidwithahalf-smile,"Easy."HebowedandwavedinthedirectionofCray'sdoor,"Afteryou,oldman.Let'sgoandseewhatthereistosee,shallwe?"Norwichclosedthedoorgentlybehindthem.Itwastheexactsamelayoutastheirownplace-smalllivingroomwithkitchenettestraightoffthefrontdoor,andapokeybedroomandcupboard-sizedbathroom.Norwichwalkedaroundgingerly,nervousnotjustbecauseheandLeohadbrokenintothedeadman'shouse,butbecauseitlookedsomuchliketheirownfamiliarsurroundings,justwithafewdetailsdifferentandwrong.Itfeltlikehehadunknowinglyslippedthroughdimensionsintoanalternatenight-universeversionofhisownfamiliarlivingroom.Itevenhadthesamecarpet,althoughtherewerealotmoreburntpatchesinCray'sversion.Also,hiswallswerealotlessbrightthantheirs,whichwasfairenough,sinceCraydidn'thavesomeonelikeMissRachaelwhowouldcomearoundtofixupthatsortofthing.Instead,Cray'swallswerestainedadepressingyellow-brown.Leonidassniffedtheairandremarkedthatitsmelledofstalesmokeinhere,andthatjustwhenhethoughtnobodycouldhaveaplacetolivethatwasmoredepressingthanNorwich's,theuniversehadprovedhimwrong.Thereweren'tanybookshelvesinMrCray'splace,asitturnedout.Therewasn'talotofanything,besidesfurtheremptycansofbeeranddrainedbottlesofspirits

withfancylabels,aboutthreesoliduglyash-traysthatlookedliketheyhadbeenstolenfrompubsintheprehistoricera,andacoupleofstacksofmagazines.Norwichflickedthroughonestack,andfoundthemagazinesweremostlyeitheraboutexpensivecarsornakedwomen.Oneparticularmagazine'HOTCHASSIS!'seemedtocombinebothinterests.Therewasalsoasaggingorangecouchpointeddirectlyatasinister-lookingmonolithsetupattheoppositeendoftheroom.Oncloserinspection,thisshiningblackmonolithturnedouttobeaverylargeandpowerful-lookingentertainmentsystem,withatelevisionscreenbiggerthanthewindowandspeakersthatmightcrushyouiftheytoppledover.ThismusthavebeenthesourceofmuchofthatoffendingnoisethatkeptMrs.Lambnextdoorfromsleeping.WhileNorwichwaswanderingabouttheplace,Leomeasuredoutpaces,examiningeveryinchandangleofCray'sformerhomewithintenseconcentration.Thebedroomalsolookedexactlyliketheirs,andtoldthemnothingexceptthatCrayhadsleptonsheetswitharacingcarmotifthatlookedverymuchliketheywereaimedatamuchyoungermarket.ThelittlebathroomtoldPhilipandLeothatCrayhadpreferredtouselime-scentedshowergelandhadclearlybeenaccustomedtosmokeanddrinkwhilesittingonthetoilet,basedonthearrangementoffurtherashandcans.Therewasnothingwhatsoeverontheshelfabovethesink,andCray'sfrayingtoothbrushandrazorhadatsomepointtumbledintothesinkitself,nevertoberetrievedbyMr.Cray,whonolongerhadtheneedforsuchthings."Well,Leo?"saidPhilipinhushedtonesastheywalkedbackintothelivingroomandtowardsthefrontdoor,worriedthatMrs.LambmightbeabletohearthemstompingaboutCray'shouse.Leonidasfrownedandflexedhisfingers."There'ssomethingaboutthisplacethatputsmyhacklesup.""Yes.It'slikeours,butnot,"saidPhilip."Ifindthatparticularlyinteresting,"saidLeonidas,armoutstretchedandpointingtoapatchofunremarkablecarpetjustinfrontofthemailslot.Philipstaredatthespotandconcentrated,buteventuallyhadtogiveup."Ican'tseeanythingthere,Leo,"heconfessed."Exactly,"saidLeo.Hecontinuedtopoint,butnowwasradiatingatriumphantair.Philipcontinuedtolookconfused.Leonidassighedandshookhisheaddespairingly."RememberhowmessyitwasinsidethefrontdoorofMrs.Lamb'shouse?""Well,shedidhavetwochildren.Weshouldn'tjudge."Leonidassnortedandrolledhiseyes."ThespecificmessIamreferringto,youpatheticwetrag,wasthepileoflettersaddressedtoMrs.Lamb."

PhiliplookedbackdownattheblankpatchofcarpetatwhichLeonidaswasjabbinghisfingerinsistently,hiseyesbulgingslightly."Nomail,"Philipsaidquietly."Correct.""Well,heisdead,"saidPhilipwithashrug,"Andperhapshedidn'tknowmanypeople?""Ah,"saidLeonidaswithindexfingerup,"ButMr.Crayhasnotyetbeendeadsolongthatthereshouldbenomail.ThereisnotevenaflyerfordiscountpizzaoramenufortakeawayChineseandMisc.Food,andasyouknowwegetsuchabulkofthatsortofpostthroughourdoorthatitisallwecandotostemthetideofconstantadvertisingrubbishpouringin.Andyet,here..."Leogesturedmeaningfullyattheblankpatchinfrontofthedooragain.Philipscratchedhishead."P'rhapssomebodyorothercameinandclearedupallthemail?"Leonidasshookhishead."TherearesomeincongruousemptyspotsinthisplaceofCray's,itistrue,butyoucanseethatthemainthingleftbehind,besideshisTelevision-Stereomonstrosity,isasubstantialmessofbottlesandcigarettes.Ifyouweregoingtotidyhere,thatwouldbethelogicalplacetostart.Theonlyreasonthemailhasbeenclearedaway,Isuspect,isbecausetherewassomethinginthatpileofpostthatwasinterestingandincriminatingtoanotherparty.""Themurderer?"whisperedPhilip.Leonidasbaredhisteethinsomethinglikeasmile."Well,let'sfindout,shallwe?"

10.Backbehindtheirownyellowdoor,ittookawhileforPhilipandLeotoscourthroughsomescrapsofpapertofindoneparticularphonenumber.Leogaveacryoftriumphwhentheycameacrossit.Philipputthepieceofpaperontothearmofhischairandsmootheditflat.Thenheturnedtotheboxwherethephonewaskept.ThephonehadbeenboughtbyMissRachael,asshesaid,foremergencies,butheandLeoneverusedit.Theyhadnobodyinparticulartocall,andbesides,Philipverymuchpreferredtosayhellofacetoface.TheotherissuewiththephonehadbeenthatneitherPhilipnorLeoeverrememberedtochargethething,whichRachaelhadfoundexasperating.Shehadgrumpilydemandedtoknowwhatthepointofhavingaphonewasifnobodycouldcallitbecausethebloodythingwasalwaysflat,orlost,orjustplainforgotten.Intheend,tokeepMissRachaelhappy,Philiphaddecidedtoleavethephonepluggedin(whichessentiallynegateditsportableness)andplaceditsquarelyonthepedestalofthefancyboxitcamein,justtoonesideofthemantelpiece.Leowouldoftenglareatit,andrefertoitasabloodyinfiltrator,oranelectronicinformationtick,oraflashingidiot'sbleepmachine.Inanycase,thepairhardlyeverusedit.Itwasmostlyjustpartofthefurnishingsoftheroom-asmallfeaturethatkeptRachaelhappywhenshecaughtsightofitduringhervisits.Philipgingerlypulledthestillplugged-inmobilephoneovertowardshischair,squintedatthescreen,andwithhistongueout,pokedatthenumbersasLeoreadthemoff.Therewasabriefconversation.ThenPhilipsatandLeostoodandtheyateaChickenTikkameal-in-a-bagtheyhadfoundinthefridge,andtheywaited.Sometimelater,therewasaknockatthedoor.Leonidasrubbedhishandstogetherandlickedhislips.Philipwalkedovertothedoorandopenedit."Comein,comein,won'tyou?"hesaidtotheshortfigureoutside.Itwasthecartoon-eyedanddark-hairedladywhohadknockedonthedoortheotherday."Um,bienvenueandthat,"Philipsaid"HelloandBonjourtoyouMr.Norwich,"Mariewiththeclipboardsaidbrightly.Leonidassniffed."Takeaseat,willyou?Thisonehereisforguests,"Philipdeclared,"Wouldyoulikeadigestivebiscuit?""That'ssuperkind,Mr.Norwich,butIjustate.Thankyousomuch!"shesaidwithsomuchmanufacturedsinceritythatitmadeLeo'steethache."I'msopleasedyoudecidedtogiveusacallaftermeetingyoutheotherday!Ijusthadafeelingaboutit.Asupergoodfeeling.Andourcompanycandoyousomuch

good,Mr.Norwich!We'vehelpedsomanypeoplewiththeirpensionsandbenefitsinthisneighborhood!""LikeperhapsMr.Cray?"saidPhilip,whohadrealisedhehadsomechickentikkasauceinhisbeard,andwasnowtryingtocleanitwiththesleeveofhisjumper.Mariethedoor-botherer'seyesgotjustslightlybiggerathisquestion,whichmadeLeo'sownsetofpeepersnarrowwithinterest."Well,Idon'tthinkIknowanyMr.Cray,butImeeteversomanypeople,"shesaidsweetly,"It'soneofthegreatthingsaboutthisjob!""Butheonlylivedafewdoorsdown,"Norwichsaid,confused,"Andyouknockedonourdoor,soyoumustsurelyhaveknockedonhis?""Don'tforgetwhatMrs.LambsaidaboutCray'svisitors,too,"putinLeonidas."Yes,that'sright.Mrs.LambwascomplainingthatMr.Crayalwayshadgovernmentvisitorsaround.""Infact,oldman,"Leosaid,scrapinghisteethwithafingernail,"Mrs.Lambmentioneda'fast-talkinglittlegovernmentlady',tobeprecise."Norwichshookhishead,asifhewastryingtodislodgesomethinguncomfortable."Wasshetalkingaboutyou?Don'tyouworkwithallthepeoplearoundheretohelpthemwiththeirpaymentsandpensions?""Oh,ofcourse,ofcourse!But,weworkwithsomanypeople.MaybeIdidmeetMr.Cray,"Mariewiththeclipboardsaid,givingaflusteredlaugh,"Why,Imeetsomanyinterestingpeople!""Whydon'tyoutakehertoMrs.Lambtoseeifthepoordearsleeplessmotherrecognisesher?"suggestedLeowithacruelsmirk.Philipnodded,andaskedMarieifshewouldmindpoppingovertotalktoMrs.Lamb,asitmightjoghermemoryandhelpclearthingsup.ThiswastoomuchforMarie,whostartedtobacktowardsthedoor."Well,Iwouldn'thavetime,I'mafraid,"Mariesaid,"Ihavesomanyotherpeopletoworkwithhere,tohelp-somanypeoplewhoneedourhelpwiththeirbenefits.""It'sstrange,thatcertainlysoundslikethesortofhelpMr.Craywouldhavebeeninterestedin,"insistedabefuddledPhilip,"Leo,whydoesthegovernmentladylooksonervous?""Because,"Leonidasboomed,"Sheisnotagovernmentladyandsheisnotheretohelp.Icouldn'tuncovertheslightestlegitimaterecordofherpension-assistanceorganisationwhenwehadourlittletriptothelibrary,becausethereisn'tanythinglegitimateaboutherfictitiousgroup."Philiplookedshocked.Surelynotthiskindly-voicedyounglady?

"Christ,stopstaringatme,willyou?Heshouldhavetoldmehowcrazyyouwere,"Mariespluttered,hersugaryshellnowapparentlycracked.WithouttakinghereyesoffNorwich,shefeltforthelockbehindher."YouandCraywereuptosomethingtogether?"Philipsaidslowly."Therehavebeenarashofpensionandbenefitfraudsacrossthecountyoverthelastseveralmonths,"Leonidassaid,assumingalecturingair,andpacingsmartlyaboutwithhishandsbehindhisback,"It'sactuallyratherobviousifyoutakethetimetoreadthedataproperly.Thebothersomeladyherewouldsignupjellyheadslikeyourselfwhoweretoothicktoknowthatthechargeofthisnonexistenthelpformanagingtheirpensionswouldbeahealthyskimmingofmoneyfromthehelplessdoltswholetherinthedoorandsignedrightthereonherinfernalclipboard.Theywereratherlazyfraudsters,tobehonest,preyingonthosetooweak-mindedtoknowtheywereevenbeingrobbedbysigningoverafewpiecesofpaper.""AndCraywashelpingtotrickpeoplearoundhereoutoftheirmoney,"Philipsaid,shakinghisheadsadly,"Well,Inever.""Now,waitaminute,perhapsyouareconfused,Mr.Norwich,"Mariesaidsoothingly,likeshewastalkingtoachildwhohadjustfallenawakeoutofbed,"Youdon'twanttobesayingthatsortofthingoutloudnow,doyou?It'salljustsomethingyou'veimagined,isn'tit?Youknowyouaren'twell,afterall!"Leonidasdrewhimselfuptohisfullheightandlookedlikehewasgoingtoeruptwithrage."Howdareyou!"Leoroared,"Itisonethingtobeathief,andnotaverycreativethiefatthat,buthowdareyouimpugnmymentalfaculties!"Philipnoddedinagreement."That'sright!There'snothingwrongwithmeandLeo!"Mariegavealittlehalf-suppressednervousgiggle."That'showsheknewwhoyouwere,oldman,"Leomuttered,"Rememberthatlookonherfacewhenshefirstcamein?Amomentofrealisation.She'dheardaboutyoubefore.Craymusthavebeenaspotterforher,afinderofsofttouches.""Andthemail?Didshetakeit?"saidPhilip.Leonidasstaredthoughtfullyattheceiling."TheremusthavebeenabitofincriminatinginformationinCray'smail,sothesweetlittleswindlerherejustgrabbedthelot.I'dimagineitwasatastymenuofpeopletheywereplanningtodefraudoftheirpensionsthatMr.Crayhadorderedupfromonehisgrubbylittlecontacts.""AndshebrokeintoCray'splacetogetbackthelistofpeopletheywereplanningtotrick?"

LeonidasstrodeovertoMarietherobberofpensionsandinspectedherclosely.Herbigeyeswereblinkingfartoorapidly,uncertainaboutwhatsheshoulddonext.Makearunforit?Trytoconvincethisnutterinfrontofherthatitwasallinhishead?"Youknow,oldman,"Leosaid,crouchingdown,"It'spossiblethatshedidn'tevenbreakin.Lookatthesetinyhandsshe'sgot.Shecould'vemadeadecenthonestcareerasagoodoldtraditionalpickpocketandavoidedallthisdistastefulpaper-crimestuff.""MissMarie!"Philipsaidshocked,for,afterall,hetriedtothinkthebestofpeople,"DidyoustickyourhandsthroughpoordeadMr.Cray'sletterboxtogetholdofsomeofyourincriminatingpapers?""Look,"Leodeclaredgleefully,"Youcanseewhereshescratchedherknuckles."ThiswasallbecomingtoomuchforMarie."Lookhere,justamoment,sir-"shespluttered.LeonidasbaredhisteethandadarkexpressioncameoverPhilip'sface,makinghimlooklikeasmall,frizzy,grey-hairedthundercloud."MissMarie,"Philipsaidhaltingly,"IfyoustoleMr.Cray'smail-didyou,didyoukillhimandcutoffhishead?Washeplanningtodouble-crossyou,exposeyourswindletothepolice?"Mariehadnowdowngradedfromsplutteringtobeingabletogetnothingoutbutmeaninglessgaspsofair.Leonidasthoughtthiswaswonderful."Don'tbedim,scarecrow,she'sallforfakesmilesandsleightofhand,notbashingpeopletodeath.Andwhywouldsheknockoffafellowwhowassogoodatweasellingoutpoorpreyforthepairofthem?She'dbegivingupallthegulliblefoolsCrayfound,allthoseprime-gradedupeswhomightsignovertheirlifesavingsbecausetheyweren'tuptounderstandingafewforms."Withsupremeeffort,littleMariemanagedtogetbacktoproducingwords,andwasnowblitheringabouthowshehadnothingtodowithCray'sdeath,thetempoofbabbleincreasingfrommomenttomoment."Nottomention,"saidLeonidas,whowasenjoyingMarie'sterrifiedmeltdownfartoomuch,"WhywouldsheneedtolopoffthatbastardCray'sheadanyway,evenifshehadkilledhim?""Look,sir,Mr.Norwich,"shesqueaked,"Ihadnothingtodowithhismurder,ofcoursenot,Isweartoyou!"Leosnortedattheideathatherwordwasworthmuch.Philip,despitehisbetternature,wasstartingtoagreewithhim."Andcheatingpeople?"Philipaskedsadly,"IsLeorightaboutthat?"ShelickedherlipsuncertainlybutitwasobviouseventoPhilipthatmuchasshemightprotestandsquirm,shehadindeedrunherscamwithCrayasassistant

andshe'dindeedbeentheonetoclearouthismail."Look-look,nowsir,"shesaid,talkingmuchtoofast,"Craywasintolotsofthings,hewasthecriminal,Ihadnothingtodowithitreally,nottruly,andanyway,nobodywouldbelieveyou,andnoneofthatistrue...itwasCray-he'dtryanddoanythingtomakemoney-didyoueverseehowmuchhedrank?Hedrankitallup,andspentitondrugs,too.Didyouknowhehadaside-linesellingdrugstoo?Hehadasourceforprescriptionmedicationasasideline,he'dgetthemfromthebenefitspeople,butIhadnothingtodowithhisdeathandnothingtodowithhim,really,sir,Mr.Norwich."PhilipandLeoarguedbackandforthaboutwhattheyshoulddowiththeguiltyMarie,butthesightofNorwichstandingthereindeepconversationwiththinairfinallyprovedtobetoomuchforher.Sheshriekedfiercely,threwherclipboardatNorwich'shead,andfumbledthelockopen.WithouttakinghereyesoffNorwich,shebackedoutthedoor,mumbledsomethingabouthownoneofthatstuffwaslegallyadmissible,andscurriedoffintothenight.Philiptookafewtentativestepstoapprehendthespeedylittlecriminal,butLeonidascalledhimback."Forgetabouther,youkeenoldrope,"hesaid,"Shedidn'tkillCray."HewavedawayPhilip'sprotests."Shedoesn'tmatteradamn.Ifitmakesyoufeelbetter,wecanuseThePhonetoreporther."Itwasapparentthat,nowthathe'dmadeMariesquirmabit,Leonidashadexhaustedanyinteresthehadinherandherschemes."Themurder'sthething.Wearen'tgoingtosettleforsecond-ratecrimeshere!"Slumpingintohischair,Philipsighed."Idon'tlikeit,Leo,butIsupposecatchingthekillerismoreimportant."Hesqueezedhiseyesclosedandrubbedthebridgeofhisnose,tryingtoshiftamildheadachethathadsuddenlydeveloped.Philipwenttofetchthephonefromontopofitsbox,andspentsometimeuntanglingthepowercordbeforespendingevenlongertryingtoexplainhimselftoConstableSomeoneorOtheraboutthepensionskimmingscheme.ThistooksometimebecauseNorwichoftengotthedetailsconfused.HewascurrentlyexplainingforthethirdtimethattheladyinvolvedhadsaidhernamewasMarie,ratherthanMary,adistinctionthatwaslostonthecracklylineoftherarely-usedphone.WhilePhilipwasgratefulthatMissRachaelhadbeenconcernedenoughaboutthemtobuythePhone,evenhehadtoadmitthattheshinyplasticbaronlyallowedyoutoheartheotherpersonclearlyabouthalfofthetime.Leonidasperchedagainstthemantelpieceandyawned,insistingthatMarieprobablywasn'tevenreallytheclipboardlady'sname,whichmadeithardforPhiliptoconcentrate,andmadehimlosethethreadofwhatConstableThingummywas

saying.Bythetimehefelthe'ddonehiscitizenlyduty,Norwichwasexhausted.Theauthoritieshadpromisedtolookintothematter,inatonethatsoundedbothfinalanduninterested.PhilipcarefullyputthePhoneontoitssmallboxpedestal,andputthekettleontomakehimselfsomenoodlestoeat.Hecouldn'trememberthelasttimehe'deatenanything,andwhenheaskedLeonidas,heshruggedandignoredPhilip,drumminghisfingersincomplicatedmartialrhythmsonthemantelpieceandchewinghislip,entirelyabsorbed,asPhilipcouldsee,inthequestionofwhohadkilledCray.Inthemeantime,Philipputarecordonthelittleall-in-oneplayertogiveabitofcomfortingbackgroundnoisetotheroom,sinceLeowasbeingsosilentandfuriouslycontemplative.Theydidn'thaveaparticularlywideselectionofrecords,andinfactonlyownedthreevinyldiscs-atattyoldscratchedcopyofSchubert's'Winterreise',a'GreatestHitsofJellyRollMorton',andacollectionofpoppysurfrocksongsfromoldBollywoodfilms.PhilipputtheJellyRollMortononatrandomandslurpedhisnoodles.Leowaspacingaroundtheroomandmutteringtohimselfandshakinghishead,butseemedtobegettingnowhere,whilePhilipfelthimselfgettingdrowsy.Hestoodupandyawned."Let'stakeabitofrest,Leo.Agoodsleepwillclearourheads."Leonidasfrowned."Nothingcouldclearyourfustymopofahead,oldman,"hegrowled,"Butyougoonanddosomesnoringifyoumust.Thatamusinglittlediversionwiththeladyofdoor-to-doorfraudmustnotthrowmeoffcourse.Iamnotabouttoletourtruequarryescape!"Philipnoddedpleasantly,changedintohischequeredred-and-whiteflannelpyjamas,laydown,andsoonwasindeeddoingsomefinesnoring.

11.WhenPhilipwokeup,heyawnedandshuffledthroughtothekitchenettetobrewhimselfacupofcoffeetotrytohelpwiththemorninghazinessinhishead.Hewenttostandinfrontofthebathroommirrorandbrushhisteeth,thenrememberedthehalf-drunkcoffee,andalternatedbetweentoothpasteandcheapbrowncaffeine,resultinginaveryunsatisfactorycombination.Inthemeantime,Leonidaswasalreadyinfullflight,noisilystridingaroundtheplaceandgrindinghisteethinfrustration,insistingthathecouldalmostsensetherightwaytothemurderer,andifonlyhecouldreachjustalittlebitfurther,he'dbeabletogethisfangsrightintotheevasiveamateurbutcher.Philipnoddedencouraginglyandspatoutthelastofthetoothpaste-coffeecombinationintothebathroomsink.Hechangedoutofhispyjamas,vaguelywonderingifhehadwornthesameshabbybutwarmclothesthedaybeforeandwhethertheymightneedabitofawashatsomepoint.Hethenwenttoopenthefrontdooracracktoletinsomefreshair,asthebungalowwasnotparticularlywell-ventilated,and,withoutalittlehelp,theplacecouldgetsomewhatstuffy.Asheopenedthedoor,hecaughtsightoftheill-lookingshaved-headfellowinthebluetracksuitwiththewhitestripes."There'sthatchap,"Philipdeclared,alittlefuzzyonpreciselywherehehadseenhimbefore.LeonidaspeeredoverPhilip'sshoulder.Hiseyeswidenedwithinterest."Ah!HevisitedheadlessCrayaroundaboutwhenhestillhadahead,didn'the?"LeonidasstaredatPhilip."Well,don'tjuststandthere,man!Thatsorrysightofahumanbeingmaywellturnouttobepartofourhunt!""Perhapshe'sCray'skiller?"Philipsaiddoubtfully,scratchinghismessygreyinghair.Leonidasstomped."Well,wewon'tbloodyfindoutjuststandinghere,willwe,youdryweed?Getyourskateson,andlet'sfollowMr.Tracksuittoseewhathecanshowus!"Theywalkedbehindthesicklymaninthetracksuitatadiscretedistance.PhilipfollowedLeonidas'leadtostayoutofsight,butbyandlarge,hisownnaturalamblingspeedturnedouttobeidealfortrailingsomebody.AsLeonidasputit,Philipwassuchashaggygreyslouchingpieceofbackground,itwasunlikelythatthemaninthebluetracksuitwouldnoticehimevenifNorwichwasstandingrightinfrontofhim.

Theyfollowedthemaninthetracksuitforsometime.HewentpastMr.V.'sshop,whereheboughtseveralpacketsofchewinggumandabottleofchocolate-bananamilk,whichTracksuitgulpeddownrightoutsideMr.V.'sfrontdoorwithouttakingasinglebreath,thelargelumpofcartilageinhisskinnyveinedneckbobbingupanddownhypnoticallywitheachswallow.Next,BlueandWhiteTracksuitshoutedatsomeoneheknewatabusstop,althoughitwasn'tclearwhethertheywerefriendsorenemies.Hethenspentsometimecolourfullyabusingacashmachinewithoutmakinganyattempttoactuallyuseit.Afterthat,hebobbedhisheadandtalkedsweetlytoafatwhitecatsittingimperiallyonthewarmredbonnetofacar.ThecatdidnotseemtobevisiblywonoverbybeingcalledPusspusspuss.Afterallthis,itwassomethingofarelieftoNorwichthatthemaninthetracksuitwentintothedoorofapubcalledtheWreckandRuin.Asithappened,thisw