Batterers As Partners, Batterers as Parents · When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:...
Transcript of Batterers As Partners, Batterers as Parents · When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:...
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Batterers As Partners,Batterers as Parents
Recognizing Batterer’s Tactics and
How They Affect the Family
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Credits• This presentation is based on “The Batterer as Parent:
Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on FamilyDynamics,” by Lundy Bancroft and Jay Silverman, SagePublications, Thousand Oaks, CA, 2002
• The development of this training was made possible by the GraftonCounty Greenbook Project, funded by the Office on Violence AgainstWomen, US Department of Justice grant #2004-WE-AX-KO35.
• Editing and presentation layout by Kathy Jones, DVS.
• Special thanks to Ruth Houte, Michelle Rosenthal, and the DCYFTraining Coordinators for their guidance in developing this trainingseries.
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
The Batterer: In Adult Relationship
Uses a patternof multiplecoercive andcontrollingbehaviors
To gain powerand control overthe adult victim
May include:• Verbal abuse
• Emotional control
• Medical neglect
• Economic control
• Legal intimidation
• Stalking/monitoring/isolation
Punctuated by:• Credible psychological
threats and intimidation
• Sexual assault
• Physical violence
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Entitlement:Rights without Responsibilities
• Feels justified usingany means to protect“special” status
• Expectation: “When Isay ‘jump…’”
• Reversal of “abuse”and “self-defense”
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Controlling
• Escalates when intimatepartner resists
• Resistance = “evidence” of– Victim’s “mental instability”– Victim’s “volatility”– Victim’s “desire to control”
• All family functions/ tasksare arenas to demonstratecontrol
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Self-Centeredness
• Batterer’s needstake precedence
• Lack of emotionalsupport for family
• Expectation: “Kingof the Castle”
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Superiority
• Partner is inferior
• Possibly hostile towomen in general
• Dehumanizes orobjectifies partner
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Possessiveness
• Partner is anOWNED OBJECT
• Partner does nothave right to resist
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Manipulative
• Seeks to changefamily’s reality
• Public vs. Privatepersona
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Confuses “Love”and “Abuse”
• Sees abuse as“proof” of love
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Contradicts:“Do As I Say, Not As I Do”
• Behavior contradictsstatements
• Different standards for:“man vs woman”
“strong vs weak”
“adult vs child”
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Externalizes Responsibility:“Not me!”
• Justifies actions andmakes excuses
• Shifts blame topartner or othercauses
• Shifts responsibilityfor effects of abuse
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Denies, Minimizes:“No, not really…”
• Will not acknowledgeextent of abuse
– Reports less violence
– Minimizes threateningbehavior
• Denies the effects ofabuse on family
• Aggressive violencemischaracterized
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Uses a patternof multiplecoercive andcontrollingbehaviors
To gain powerand control overall relationshipsin the home
Characterized by:• Authoritarian parenting
• Under involved, neglectfulor irresponsible parenting
• Self-centeredness
• Manipulation
• Undermining adult victim’sauthority/parenting
• Ability to perform in public/under observation
Punctuated by:• Credible psychological
threats and intimidation
• Physical violence
• (Possibly sexual assault)
The Batterer: In Parent/Child Relationships
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Authoritarian
• Rigid, uncompromising
• Expects unquestionedobedience
• Intolerant of resistance
• Inflexible
• “Power-assertive” inconflicts with children
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Under-involved,Neglectful,
Irresponsible
• Children are batterer’s “domain” but partner’s responsibility
• Children viewed as hindrance or annoyance
• Avoids parenting responsibilities
• Unwilling to make sacrifices for children
• Limited knowledge of children or their needs
• Fails to keep promises, except during litigation
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Self-Centered• Unwilling to modify life to fit
children’s needs
• Insensitive to children’sfeelings/experiences
• Intolerant of infant distress
• Role reversal
• Retaliates against children ifthey “slight” him
• Makes children responsiblefor his well-being
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
UnderminesAdult Victim’s
Parenting
• Ridicules victim in front of children
• Physically abuses victim in front of children
• Denies victim’s ability to make or enforce rules
• Prevents victim from meeting children’s needs
• Blames victim for inability to spend on children(“If I didn’t have to pay child support…”)
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Ability toPerform under
Observation• Batterers typically havegreat ability to “charm”(think manipulate)
• Batterers know how tomodify behaviors underobservation
• Supervised visits do notchallenge a batterer’sparenting skills
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Practice ImplicationsOutlined by Doug Gaudette, MA, LMHC
• Most batterers cannot provide a healingenvironment for children:
– Children do not feel safe
– Children feel responsible for batterer
– Continual undermining of parent/child bond
– Lack of limits/rules (to gain favor)
– Lack of parenting experience
• Close monitoring of contact is REQUIRED
When Domestic Violence and Child Protection Merge:Best Practice Series for CPSWs Part 2 of 6
Join us next time for…
Children LivingDomestic Violence
Understanding the Harm Doneto Children Who Witness
Coercive Control