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BACKWARDS

BY:VASE&FUGLSANG2016Oneact.Duration:approx.75min.

Twoactorstaketheaudiencethroughafriendshipbetweentwomentouchingdownontenpointsintime.Thestoryistoldbackwards,beginningwithtwooldmenandendingwithapairoffive-year-olds.Thestagedesignissimple.Ascreeninthebackforprojectionofambiencecoloursandatonepointtobeusedforshadowpuppetry.Stagemanagementissimplewithsimplesetpiecesandpropsthatcanberolledorcarriedquicklyon-andoffstagebyplayersorastagehand.Costumesaresimple–oftenjusthintingattherole.Themusicconsistsofclassicsongswhichcanbeplayedfromtapealongwithothersoundeffects.Lightingandsound(andremote-controlledroboticvacuumcleaner)canberunbyoneortwopeople.Theplayisbestsuitedforsmalltomediumsizedstages.IthasbeenperformedsuccessfullythroughoutDenmarkwithapprox.150performancesonthreeseparatetours.TheplayhasbeentranslatedfromDanish,andanylinguisticenhancementorlocaladaptationiswelcome.

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CHAPTERS:11.DEATH(BACKWARDS)10.OBLIVION9.RETIREMENT 8.AUTUMN 7.MIDWAY 6.DIFFERENCES

5.THEBESTMAN4.CAREER3.BOYHOODDREAMS2.FRIENDS1.MEETING

-LIFECANONLYBEUNDETSTOODBACKWARDS;BUTITMUSTBELIVEDFORWARDS.

-SorenKierkegaard

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11.DEATH(BACKWARDS)

Music:DjangoReinhardt,"I'llseeyouinmydreams".Thecharacteristicbeep-beepcardiacrhythmofanECGmachineisheard.Thetwoplayersenter,eachcarryingacremationurn.Theystanduntiltheheartbeatendsinalongbeeeeep.

PLAYER1That’sitthen.Thelastofovertwobillionheartbeats.That’showmanywecanallexpect,onaverage,ifwearen’tveryunluckyanddon’tdoanythingtoofoolish.Sothat’sit,thosearetherulesofthegame.

PLAYER2Astheywerefortwofriendscalled...Alex...

PLAYER1...andTom.

PLAYER2Gotthemrighthere.Orwhat’sleftofthemanyway.We’lllearnabouttheirlivesinaminute,andtheirfriendship,whichiswhatthisisallabout.

PLAYER1Funnythings,friendships.

PLAYER2Youneverreallyknowwheretheycomefrom...

PLAYER1...whattheycandevelopinto...

PLAYER2...orhowtheyendup.

PLAYER1Buttonightwewillknow.Becausethisstorywillbetoldbackwards.

PLAYER2Fromoldagetochildhood.

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PLAYER1Sothelastchapter,entitledDeath,isalreadyoverwith,andthingscanonlygoforwardfromnowon!

PLAYER2Well...backwards.

PLAYER1Soinourstory,TomandAlexkeepgettingyounger.

PLAYER2Theirhealthgetsbetterandbetter.

PLAYER1Theirdreamgrownbiggerandbigger.Let’srewindacoupleofyears...

PLAYER2...andbeginwithChapter10:

PLAYER1Abouttwooldmen...

PLAYER2...andsomebiscuits.

10.OBLIVION

Transition,changeoflighting.Music:DjangoReinhardt,"BlueDrag".Setting:acarehome.Aroboticvacuumcleaner(remote-controlled)entersfromoneside.Tomenters,slowly,withacoupleofcardboardboxes.Alexthenentersfromtheothersideofthestage.Heisusingawalkerandhasapronouncedhunch.Hetriestogetpasttherobot.Afteracoupleofattempts,hefinallysucceeds.Therobotexits.Musicends.

ALEXHiTom.

TOMHey-hey.

ALEXYourfly’sundone.

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TOMYes-yes.

TomhelpsAlexintoachair.

TOM(CONT.)Goingdown.

ALEXAmIthereyet?

TOMBitmore!

(checks)Let‘ergothen.

Alexdropsheavilyintothechairandproceedstounwrapapackageofbiscuits.

ALEXBiscuits.

TOMYes-yes.Exciting.

ALEXTheoneswealwayshave.

TOMIsee.Andyouare?

ALEXAlex.

TOMAlex,right.Letmejustwritethatdown...

(writesinnotebook)"Alex".Oh,you’reinherealready.

ALEXIcameyesterdaytoo.

TOMRight!

Alexnoticesthemovingbox.

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ALEX(sighs)

No.Tom.Haveyoubeenpackingupagain?

TOMYessure.Allpackedupandreadytomoveout!

ALEXNo-no,Tom.Youlivehere.

TOM(looksaround)

Right.

ALEX(nods)

I’llunpack.Youputthingsawaythen!

TOMYes-yes!

Inthefollowingbit,AlexremovesitemsfromtheboxandhandsthemtoTom.WithoutAlexnoticing,Tomplacestheitemsintheothermovingboxashereceivesthem.

ALEX(picksupabook)

Bookshelf.(picksupacartonofmilk)

Refrigerator.(picksuparolloftoiletpaper)

Arsehole!

Thejokecreatesamomentofconnectionwhiletheybothlaughalittle.AlexalsofindsaTVremoteandasnowglobe,whichheputsonthetable.

TOMAndyouare?

ALEXAlex.

TOMAlex,right.Letmejustwritethatdown...

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Tomisabouttowriteinhisnotebook,butdiscoversadifferentname.

TOM(CONT.)Mary?

ALEXYourwife.

TOMOhright.AndAngela?

ALEXStaff.

TOMBlonde?

ALEX(nods)

Verynicelady!

TOM(smiles)

Hottie!

Alexfindsabathrobeinthebox.

ALEXSixSensesSpa&Wellness?Stolengoods,this!

TOMYes-yes!

ALEXSixSenses,that’sthatbloodycoldplace.

TOMProbably.

AlexhandsthebathrobetoTom,whoputsitoverhisarm.Alexfindsatoycar.

ALEXMatchboxcar?

TOMBugatti!

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Alexfindsapocketknife.

ALEXSwissArmyknife?Hey,that’smine,isn’tit?

TOMYes-yes!

AlexlooksatTominsurprise.HeiscarryingthebathrobeoverhisarmandproudlydisplaysthefullboxtoAlex.

ALEXRight!Alldonethen.

TOMYes.Allpackedupandreadytomove!

AlexnowseesthatTomhasputalltheitemsintotheotherbox.

ALEXNono.Tom,howmanytimesdoIhavetotellyou...

(resigned,overbearing)Let’sleavethatfortomorrow.Biscuits?

TOMExciting!

ALEXTheoneswealwayshave.

Tomsits.Alexbeginstoputbiscuitsonaplate.

TOMYessure.Andyouare?

ALEXAlex.

TOMRight!

Tompicksupthesnowglobetoinspectit.MeanwhileAlexhasspottedasmallphotographatthebottomoftheemptybox.Helooksatitinsurprise.

ALEXWheredidthiscomefrom?

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TOMWhat?

ALEX (showshimthephoto)This...Alice?

TOMAlex?

ALEX(bewildered)

No,Alice.WhydoyouhaveaphotoofAlice?

TOMThat’snotAlex.

(pointsatthesnowglobe)That’sAlexrightthere!Andthat’sme!Andlookatthis...

(shakesthesnowglobe)It’ssnowing?

Alexgivesup,nodding.

ALEXYes,it’ssnowing. (pause)Didyouknowthatoutofthebillionsofsnowflakesintheworld,nottwoarethesame?

TOMRight...

(briefpause)Andyouare?

ALEXAlex.

Transition,changeoflighting.Samemusic:DjangoReinhardt,"BlueDrag".

PLAYER2Chapter9,eightyearspreviously.AttheSixSensesSpa&Wellness!

Musicends.

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9.RETIREMENT.

Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:fishpedicurestationatawellnessresort.Meditationmusicandsoundsoftricklingwater.Tomenters,removeshissocksandputshisfeetinthefishtank.Hesighswithcontent.Alexenterswearingabathrobeandsocks,carryinghisshoes.

ALEXSothisiswhereyou’vebeenhiding?

TOMWhatdoyoumean?

ALEXWesaidtomeetatthejacuzzi?

TOMWedid?

ALEXYes,justhalfanhourago.Youdon’tmakeiteasy,doyou?

TOMMusthaveslippedmymind.Anyway,howdoyoulikeit?

ALEXHonestly?Thisisprobablythedumbestbirthdaypresentyouhaveevergivenme.

TOMIt'sonlygoodforyoutotrysomethingnew!

ALEXYouwerealotmorefuntobewithbackwhenyoucouldhaveapintnowandthen.

TOMComeon,it’snicehere!

ALEXIt’scold.

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TOMGointhesaunathen.

ALEXToohot.

TOMSteam?

ALEX(shakeshishead)

Myasthma.

TOMSaltbath?

ALEXNo,mypsoriasiswillgetitchy.

TOMHeeheehee...

ALEXIt’snojoke,psoriasis,youknow!

TOMNotthat,it’sthese!

(hepointsintothetank)Thisissomefunnystuff.

Alexwaddlesoverandpeersintothefishtank.

ALEXArethose...fish?

TOMYes!It’scalledafishpedi!

ALEXFishpedi?

TOMTheyeatallthedeadskincells,corns,warts...andall!

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ALEXDoesthatnothurt?

TOMNo-no,itjustticklesabit.Tryit!

ALEXNotonyourlife.Howdoyouknowthosedumbfishknowthedifferencebetweendeadskinand...live?

TOMTheyjustdo.Atourageit’sdeadanyway,mostofit.Comeon!

Alexsighsandreluctantlypullsoffonesocktoputafootinthewater.Tomlooksathim.

TOM(CONT.)Onefoot!?

ALEXWellIdon’twanttolosethemboth.

Theysitforabit.Alexlooksintothefishtank.

ALEX(CONT’D)Whyaretheyalloverbyyou?

TOMMaybetrywashingyourfeet?

ALEXIsthatnotwhatwe’redoingnow?

TOMGivethemtime,now.Theyneedtogetusedtoyoufirst.Justliketherestofus.

ALEXVeryfunny!

(isbitten)Oow!

(takeshisfootoutofthewater)Theybite!Piranhas!

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TOMJustyouwait,you’llhavefeetlikeaninfant.

ALEXThat’sgoingtolooksillyonsomeonewho’s75.

Alexremoveshisfootandstartstoputhissockbackon.Tomspotssomething.

TOMRight!Here’sChristina!

ALEX(lookingaswell)

No,that’sCharlotta!

TOMWho?

ALEXTheinstructor!

TOMYes-yes,that’swhatI’msaying.She’sSwedish.Hottie!

Tomstands,sucksinhisstomach.

TOM(CONT.)Hejsan!We’reready!

ALEXEgads,thiscursedbodyimagecult!

TOMIt’sgoodforyou.Lookatyouslouching.

ALEXIamnotslouching!

TOMYesyouare.Whathaveyoudoneforyourbodyrecently?

ALEXWell,Itookdownthebathroommirror.

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TOMGetup,you.

(totheinstructor)Ibroughtmyfriendtoday...Um,kompis!

AlexgetsupreluctantlyandstandsbehindTom.

ALEXOhno,thisispathetic!Sheismuchtooyoung.Andthattightoutfit.

TOMHoldon...Waituntilsheturnsaround.Nowlook.

TheybothgazeatCharlotta,losingtheirtrainofthought.

ALEXGod,IloveSweden!

TOMJättebra!

Agongsounds.Transition,changeoflighting.Music:AlinaDevecerski,"FlyttaPåDej".Thepairbegintoperformseniorgymnasticsexercises.Tomisaccomplishedandleadsthechoreography.Alexfollowsalonghalf-heartedly.Musicvolumeisloweredafteralittlewhile.

ALEXSohowaboutSunday?Shouldwegoforabiteforlunch?

TOMSunday’snogood.

ALEXYouneverseemtobeupforanythingonSundays?

TOMWellyouknow,Maryhelpsoutatthechurch...and...soIdriveherthere.

ALEXOkay.Butwecannipoutforafewhourswhileshe’sbeingsaved,can’twe?

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TOMNotreally,I...Iusuallygoinaswell.

ALEX(looksatTomindisbelief)

Youoldhypocrite!

TOMWhat?

ALEXJusttryingtograbatickettotheeternityclubbeforeit’stoolate,eh?

TOMIjustgoinwithher!

Thegongsoundsagain.

ALEXNowwhat?

TOMTaiChi!

Transition,changeoflighting.Music:TaiChimusic.TheybeginaTaiChiroutine.

ALEX(quietly)

AllI’msayingiswhenyou’regone,you’regone.Andthenitbetterbeswift.

TOMWhy’sthat?

ALEXWellIdon’twanttobesittingthereallconfusedinsomecarehomewithwildhairandmyflyundone.Anyway,thismakesnopointatall.

TOMMightjustbethepoint!

Gong!TaiChimusicends.

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TOM(CONT.)(totheinstructor)

Jättebra.Seeyouagaintomorrow!Itwas...jättebra!

Theystarttoputtheirshoesbackon.

TOM(CONT.)So,doyoufeelanydifferent?

ALEXYes,nowthatyoumentionit...Myunderpantsarerightupmycrack.

TOM(shakeshishead,grinning)

Well,Iamgoingtothesauna.(walksoffinthewrongdirection)

ALEXTom!Thesauna!It’sthatdirection.

(points)You’llendupintheladies’otherwise.

Alexexits.

TOM(confused,tohimself)

Goddammit...youoldfool.

Tomexits.Transition,changeoflighting.Music:Boccherini,"QuintetNo.1"

PLAYER1Chapter8.Afewyearsearlier.Autumn.Salmonseason.

Musicends.

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8.AUTUMN.

Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:Agloriousautumnday.Thetwofriendsarefishingbyariver.Soundofrushingwater.Alexsitsonarockwithasmallchildren’sfishingrod.Heisreadingaloudfromabookaboutfishing,asTomenterswearingrubberboots.

ALEXTom,listentothis...“Laterintheseason,thewatersofferfineopportunitiesforperch,bream,pike,andpondloach.”Youmayevenhavethegoodfortune...”

TOM(hushesAlex)

Wellwearen’tgoingtocatchadamnthingifyouscareawayallthefish.

(noticeshisrod)Whatkindofakid’srodisthatyoubrought?

ALEXIt’ssomethingIgotforthechildrenonce.Atthispoint,Imightaswellhangontoit.Becomingagrandad,remember?

Alexistryingtountanglethefishingline.Tomisfishing.

TOMRight,howarethekids?

ALEXOh,goingSOwell.NicholasjuststartedUni.AndAnneisoffworkingforacharityabroad.

TOMWhataboutyouandAlice?Areyouonspeakingtermsthesedays?

ALEXWeeell...Aliceisn’treallythesortyouspeakwith.Morelike,yougetspokento.

(thelineistangledbynow)Canyouhelpmewiththis?

TomcomesovertoAlextohelphimrigup.

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ALEX(CONT’D)Actually,Aliceisre-marrying.Poorbloke.

TOM...Youknow,Marywasaskingaboutyou.

ALEXOhno,notthisagain.

TOMShehasthisfriend,Sarah...Divorced,lovelywoman.

ALEXOhgiveitarest,Tom.

TOMJustgiveitachance.Thisone’salibrarian...yourkindofthing.

ALEXAndwhatdidyoutellher?

TOMWellItoldheryou’reawriter.

ALEXWillyoustop...What,withonebooktomyname?

TOMIthoughtthatwasareallygoodbook!OfcourseImentionedthatyou’rearetiredheadteacherwithajuicypension,I’mnotanidiot.Giveitachance. (jokingly)Shemaynotbetheprettiest,butgiveherascrubandathoroughshave,andshe’llbegoodasnew.

Alexsmilesreluctantlyatthejoke.Theycontinuefishinginsilence.

ALEXAnytakersforthe'internationalmega-corporation'?

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TOMI’vehadacoupleofoffers,actually.

ALEXYouwouldmissittoomuch,though!

TOMYouknowwhat.Ican’tbebotheredanymore.Bettertosellitoffandgetadecentprice.

ALEXWhichis...?

TOMEnoughforMaryandmyself.Mightevenbeabitleftoverforaproperfishingrodforamate!

AlexnoticedsomethingaboutTom.

ALEXNowIknowwhatitis!IhaveNEVERseenyouinwelliesbefore!

TOMThey’repractical.

ALEXDidmyearsdeceivemeordidTomAndersonjustrefertohisfootwearas‘practical’?YoualwayswearthosefancyItalianshoes.

TOMMarygotthemforme.

ALEXYouandthatMaryarereallyhittingitoff,eh?

TOMIt’sjustapairofwellingtons.It’snotlikeIstartedgoingtochurch.

Pause.Alexgetsupandcastshisline.Theyfishforabit.

ALEX(startled)

Ihaveabite!

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TOMYes,sureyoudo.

ALEXIt’strue.Ihaveabite!!

TOMWellI’llbe!Youhaveabite!

TomputsdownhisrodtohelpAlex.

ALEXLookatit,it’senormous!Whatisit?

TOM(looksatthefish)

Ithinkit’sasalmon...Yougotasalmon,man!

Alexstruggleswiththefish.Herunsupanddowntheriverside.

ALEXOhhhh,it’ssobig!

TOMGiveitsomeslack!

ALEXIam!

TOMPullitin,man.Pullitin!

ALEXYoujustsaid‘slack’?Itisreallystrong.

TOMYou’vegotitworndownnow!I’lltakeapictureofyoulandingit.

Alexstruggleswiththesalmon.Itismorelikeitiswearinghimdown.Tomrunstogetthecamerabutstrugglestooperateit.

TOM(CONT.)Aaaarh...howdoesthisthingwork?

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ALEXPressthe‘ON’button.

Tomswitchesthecameraonandlooksintoit.

TOMIcan’tseeanything.

ALEXThecover!

TOMItwon’t...Ican’t...couldyou?

Theytradeplaces.AsTomtakestherod,thefishcomesoffthehook.Theybothlookattheloosefishingline.Alexiscomplainingloudly,whileTomissuddenlyquiet.

ALEXWhatareyoudoing?Youweresupposedtoholdit.

TOMShit.

ALEX (pacingbackandforth)Whataletdown.Itwasoneforthebooks.Anenormoussalmon...AndcaughtwithNick’slittlerod.Wellalmostcaught.Ihavetoremembertotellhim.Hisolddadlockedincombatwithagiantoftheocean.ThatwasstraightoutofHemingway...“TheOldManandtheSea”.No,Iwillnotgiveup.Iamsurethebeastisstillouttheresomewhere.AndIhaveafeelingwhereitmightbehiding.

TomisstandingwithhisbackturnedasAlexstartstorepositionhisequipmentfurtherdownstream.TomlooksatAlexsolemnly.

TOMI’mleavingonTuesday.ForSwitzerland.

ALEXIsee?

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TOMGoingintorehab.It’sgoingtobeawhiletoo.

ALEX (stunned)

Ohcomeon,itcan’tbethatbad,surely...

TOM(cutshimoff)

Yesitis!Itisbad.Andyouknowit.

ALEXWelltoday,forexample,youhaven’t...

ThereisanawkwardpauseasAlexrealisesthatTomhasprobablyalreadyhadquiteabittodrink.

TOMItisthefirstthingIthinkaboutinthemorning,anditisthelastthingIthinkaboutbeforeIgotobed.Itendsnow.

ALEXYoumeansomekindof..clinic?

Tomnods,sitsdownontherock.

TOMIhavetogetfarawayfromeverything.Foralongtime.Youknow,thekindofcrapwhereyousitaroundinacircle,crying.I’lldefinitelyhateit.

Alexsitsdownnexttohim.

ALEX(smiles)

Youdefinitelywill.Icanjustpictureyou,Tom,singingKumbaya...

(stopshimself,suddenlyserious)

ALEX(CONT’D)IsthissomethingthatMary...?

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TOM(nods)

It’stherightthingtodo.Andit’smylastchance.AndIamscaredashell...

ALEXYouknow,ifthereisanythingIcando...anything!...Youknow!

TOMCouldyoudriveme?

ALEXSure,ofcourseIcandriveyou.Whattimeisyourflight?

TOMI’dlikeyoutodrivemeallthewaythere.

ALEXErrr...toSwitzerland?Why?

(longpause,asAlexrealizesthatTomcan’tmakeitonhisown)

Fine.Yes.Youknow,Icouldusealungfulofthatfresh,Alpineair.Begreatformyasthma.

TOMThankyou!

Theyhelpeachotherup.AlexgetsouthispocketknifeandhandsittoTom.

TOM(CONT.)WhattheDevil,doyoustillhavethat?

(attemptstohanditback)

ALEXKeepit.Youcan’tbegoingtoSwitzerland,fightingabattle...andnothaveaSwissArmyknife!

Tomsmilesandputstheknifeinhispocket.Theyexit.Lightsfade.Music:Queen:"Iwan'ttobreakfree"(solo-part).

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PLAYER1Chapter7.Wehavecomemidwaythroughlife.Andlifesometimestakesatumble...

Alexrushesacrossthestagewearingearprotectors.

PLAYER1(CONT.)...soyouhavetokeepyourbalance.

Musicends.Transition,changeoflighting.

7.MIDWAY.

Setting:Alex’house.Heisdraggingatableontothestageandproceedstofinishitssurfacewithasander.Tomenters(wearingsunglasses,hung-over/stilldrunkfromthenightbefore)carryingabagofsandwiches,abottleofwine,andAlex’mail.ThefactthatAlexcan’thearhimisusedforcomediceffect.

TOMHey!Hello.Helloooo?Foundyourmailinthehallway.

ALEXTom!Sogoodtoseeyou,Tom.

TOMIbroughtabitetoeat...andsomethingtowashitdown.

ALEX(hearsnothing)

Thankyou.Youtoo!

Tomleavestogetglassware.Alexkeepsonsanding.Tomreturnswithtwomugs.

TOMHey,whathappenedtoyourwineglasses?ThisisBarolo!

ALEXWhat?

TOMItalian!

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ALEX(getsouthispocketknife)

Swiss!

AlexhandstheknifetoTomwhostartstouseitscorkscrewtoopenthebottle.

TOMIwasthinkingwecouldhitthetowntonight...listentosomemusic....

Alexfinisheswiththesander.

ALEXThere!

TOMWhatareyoudoingwiththattable?

ALEXSandingit.Sandingitallthewaydown.Thenstrippingitandpaintingit.

TOM(visiblyshook)

Isn’tthattheHansWegneryouandAlicebought?

ALEXWellit’sMYbloodyHansWegnernow!

Alexbeginstopackuphistools.Tomfinallyuncorksthewineandpourssomeinthemugs.

TOMThatwasaset.Whataboutthechairs?

ALEXShegotthose.

TOMAll12?

ALEXNo-no-no,Igotthetableandtwoofthechairs.Shegottenchairsplustheextensionleaves.Wehaditappraised,andthatmadeitequal.

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TOMYoucan’tbloodystripandsandaWegnertable.That’saclassic!

ALEX(onhiswayout)

Seemstobegoingquitewell.Ihavetoshowyouthebestbit.

TOMYou’llde-valueit!

AlexleaveswhileTomfinisheshismugofwine.Andimmediatelypoursanother.

ALEX(OFF)Feastyoureyesonthis!

Alexreturnscarryingabluechair.

TOMYoupaintedthemblue!?

ALEXNotjustblue...Grecianblue.

TOMGrecianblue?What’swiththebirddroppings?

ALEXSeafoam.Ifeellikeit’sreallysettingtheatmosphere!

TOMYoushouldtrythiswine.It’sthegoodstuff.

ALEXYes,it’sreallycomingalongnicely.YouknowhowAlicealwayswantedallthoseheavycurtainsanddarkfurniture.Nowthere’llbelight,andplants,andlotsofair...Iopenedupintotheconservatory,youknow.

TOMYoudidwhat?!

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ALEXItookthewalldown.

Tomgetsupandgoestolook.Alexlookstoo.

TOMYoutookdownaload-bearingwall?

ALEXNaaah,Idon’tthinkso.Morelikeover-bearing.

TOMSothosecracksintheceilingwerealwaysthere?

ALEXWell,it’sanoldhouse.Can’tyoupictureit,Tom?

AlexsitsTomdowninthechair.

ALEX(CONT’D)Thereyouare...in‘LittleGreece’.AndhereIsit,writing.I’vehadagreatideaforanovel.It’ssetbytheMediterranean.

TOMOkay.You’rewritingagain?Great!

Alexleaveswiththepowercord.Tomsitsdown,shook.

ALEX(OFF)Ineverusedtohavethetime–withAlice.ButnowIfinallyhavetheopportunity.Andtheenergy.Ineverhadsomuchenergy!

Alexcomesback.

TOMYes,Iseethat...areyoueating?

ALEXNah,I’mnotreallythathungry.

TOMYou’velostsomeweight.

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ALEXIsthatnotjustyougaining?

(patsTom’sstomach)Youlookabitworseforwear,frankly.Youbeenoutboozing?

TOMJustacompanythingthatgotabitoutofhand.Youwouldn’thavesomethingforaheadache?

ALEXTrythebathroom.

TOM(pointstoaletter)

Don’tforgetyourmail.AndI’dgetsomeonetohavealookatthatwall,ifIwereyou.

Tomleavesforthebathroom.

ALEX(distracted,readstheletter)

Yes-yes,Ihavethoughtaboutit.(stillreading,tohimself)

Ohno,shedidn’t...

Tomreturns.

TOMYouhavetotakethatseriously...couldbedangerous.

ALEXShebloodydidtoo!

AlexhandsthelettertoTom,whoreadsitquickly.

ALEX(CONT’D)Hasshegoneandlostherbloodymind?

TOMMyGod...thatcallsforadrink,Ithink.

Tomrefillstheemptymug.

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ALEXShe’sonlytakingeverything.Everything!SheHASlosthermind.

TOMWell,thisisfromabarrister...youcan’ttakethattoopersonally.

ALEXPersonally!?Thisisaboutaspersonalasitgets!I’vesacrificedeverything.DidIeverquestionanyofherridiculousideas?DidI?

TOMNo,youneverdid.

ALEXShegoteverythingjustthewayshewantedit!

TOMShecertainlydid.

ALEXImean,I’mnottheonewhowalkedawayfromitall.Ibetshefoundsomeoneelse.

TOM Comeon,youdon’tknowthat.

ALEXNothat’sright,Idon’tknowanything!Maybetherehavebeenmanyothers!

TOM (wantstochangethesubject)Alex,don’tyouthink...

Alexrushesaroundtheplace,gettingmoreandmoreworkedup.

ALEX...Andnowshewantsitall.ThekidsandthecarandtenWegnerchairs.Evenmybloodyfishingrod,that’sgonetoo.Shehastakenthetoilet

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brush,Tom.Thetoiletbrush!Whatkindofasickpersontakesthetoiletbrushoutofthehandsofherex-husband?!

TomstopsAlex.

TOMOfcourseyou’reright,Alex.Butyoudohavetomoveontoo...

Alexcalmsdownabitandsitsdown.Hejumpsbackupimmediately.

ALEXYouknowagoodbarrister,don’tyou?Imean,you’vebeenbankruptthreetimes,youmustknowsomeone.

TOM(takestheletter)

Sure,I’lltakecareofit.You’vegotenoughonyourplateasitis,whatwith“LittleGreece”andall.

Theybothstandbythechair.SuddenlyAlexgetsemotional.

ALEXTom!Bebrutallyhonestnow...

(longpause)...isthatseafoamabitmuch?

TOMYouwantmetobehonest?

(pause)Itlooksgreat!

AlexhugsTom.

ALEXWithoutyouTom,IthinkImighthavegoneabitcrazy.

(briefpause)PAINTSTRIPPER!

Alexrunsouttogetacanofpaintstripper,putsitonthetable.

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TOMHey!Whatdoyousaywetakethistableintothegardento...stripit?

ALEXOhright.Goodthinking.

Theypickupthetableandstarttocarryitout.

TOMPlusyouwon’thavetomowthegrass!

Theyexit.Thechairstays.Music:EricClapton,"MainlineFlorida".

PLAYER1Chapter6,inwhichAlexlearnsatime-honouredtruth:It’snotdifficulttobecomeafather,butbeingafatherissomethingelseentirely.

Musicends.

6.DIFFERENCES.

Transition,changeoflighting.Audio:afootballmatchbeingplayed.Setting:afootballpitchwheretwojuniorteamsareplaying.Alexisstandingbehindabarrieradvertisementthatreads“TOM’SDISCOUNTAUTO”.Heiswearingatrainingoutfitascoach.

ALEXThat’sright,spreadout,boys...andpushon!Yes,verygood...Comeon,helpNicholasout,there’snoonehecanpassto.

TomentersexcitedlywithaplasticbagfullofbeercansandjoinsAlexbehindthebarrier.

TOMOh,didtheystartyet?

ALEX(surprised)

It’sthesecondhalf.One-all.

32

TOM(looksattheadonthebarrier)

Ohgood,youputthebannerup.

ALEXOhyes,andthankyoufortheuniforms!

(pointstotheplayers)

TOMLooksgreat,doesn’tit.Wantone?

ALEX(withadisapprovinglook)

Nothankyou,notwhilewe’replaying.

TOM(totheplayers)

COMEON,NICK!(toAlex)

Ishebiggerthanyouatthispointalready?

ALEX(spotssomething)

....No,Ref,thatwasclearlyoffside!

TOMIwaswonderingifyouhavetimetohelpmovehousetomorrow?

ALEXMove?Who’smoving?

TOMLinda!

ALEXOhbutdidn’tshejustmovein?

TOMIjustcan’tdealwithit.Shewantstobetheboss,andeverythingIdoiswrong.

ALEXToobad,IreallylikedLinda.Or...amIthinkingofTina?

33

TOMOhno,shewasevenworse...

ALEXRats.SoLindaismovingout.

TOMYes,Lindaismovingout...andLisaismovingin.HaveyoumetLisa?

ALEXIdon’tthinkso?

(totheplayers)Watchyourman!Keepaneyeontheirnumbernine!He’sdeadly!

TOM(totheplayers)

TAKEHIMDOWN!(toAlex)

So?Youfree?

ALEXAhwell,no,afraidIcan’t.Tomorrow’sjustnogood.Ihavetowashtheuniforms,Ihaveessaystomark,andIhavetogopickupthisfurniturewithAlice.

TOMMorefurniture?

ALEXYes,Alicemadearealbargain.AnoriginalDanishWegnertablewithtwoleavesandadozenmatchingchairs–forunder£1000.

TOMWell-well.Wasitnotyouwhousedtosaythatifyouownmorethanseventhings,thenyourthingsownyou?

ALEXWellyes,inprinciple...butthisisaclassicofmoderndesign!AliceandIwillbeabletoenjoythissettogether...fortherestofourlives.

34

(spotssomethingonthepitch)Noooo,surelythat’snotafreekick?

TOM(yellsatthereferee)

YOU’REFULLOFSHITE,YABASTARD!(toAlex)

It’slikeyouneverhavetimeforanythinganymore?

ALEXMe?Well...thatisashame.Butyouknowhowitis.

TOMNoIdon’t,actually.

Afouliscommittedonthepitch.

ALEXYEEEES!Apenalty!Wegetapenalty!

Theycheerandbangonthebarrier.

ALEX(CONT’D)Thatissoimportant!

TOMYes!Nicholasistakingit!

ALEX(worried)

Ohno,whyhim?Itnevergoeswell.

TOMOFCOURSEitwill.Yourson...mygodson.Ofcoursehe’llputitin.

(yells)Giveitagoodwalloping,Nick!

ALEXNo-no-no,he’sgoingtomiss.Hegothispoornervesfromme.

(turnshisbacktothepitch)Ican’twatch.

35

TOMCOMEONTHEN,NICK!

WeseefromTom’sexpressionthattheboymissestheshot.Alexturnsaroundtolook.

ALEXOhno,he’sdevastated.AndAlicewillbemadthathewasputinthatposition...

TOM(shouts)

COMEONREDS!(toAlex)

WhatifIrescheduleforSaturday,canyoucomethen?

ALEXNoevenworse,wehavetolookatlocationsforAnne’seighteenthbirthday.

TOM(confounded)

What?Ithoughtthatwasgoingtobeasmallparty–familyonly?

ALEX (suddenlyputonthespot)Weeeeellyes,thatwastheplan.Butitsortofgrewoutofhand...youknowAlice.Shehasallthesefriends...andbeforeweknewit...

TOM (hurt)Okay...so...howmanywillyoube?

ALEXOhIdon’tknow...nomorethan30or40.Alicehandlesalltheinvitationsandstuff.50atthemost.

TOMYou’rearealshit,youknow!

36

ALEXButIreallytriedto...itwouldjustbeeasierifyouandAlicegotonabitbetter...whyisityou’renottalkingtoeachotheranymore?What?Whyisthat?

TOM (ignoresthequestion)That’smygod-daughter!You’reagiantshit,youare!ANDagiantwimp!

ALEXWellIcan’tpleaseeveryone...

TOM(cutshimoff)

Youknowwhat?Don’teventry,mate!Goodbye!

TomthrowsdownhisbeercanatAlex’feetandstartstoleave.

ALEX(stopshim)

Tom.(briefpause)

I’llswingbywithacoupleofinvitestomorrow.

Tomleaves.

ALEX(CONT’D)(tohimself)

Wecanseeaboutmovingaswellthen.(totheplayers)

Ohcomeon,lookalive,Nicholas!

Lightsfade.Music:EarthWindandFire,"MightyMighty".

PLAYER1 (grinning)Chapter5.Twohappyboys.Tomorrow...isn’tforanotherday!

37

5.THEBESTMAN.

Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:inthebathroomofanightclub.Alex’sstagnight.

TOMComeon!

Alexcomescrawlingin.Musicends.

TOM(CONT.)Areyouokay?!?

ALEXOfcourse.Justhaveto...

(rushestothetoiletbowl)

TOMGlassesglassesglasses.

TomremovesAlex’glassesatthelastmoment.Alexisonhisknees,throwingupintothetoilet.TompassestissuepapertoAlexasneeded.

ALEX(bellowingfromthedepths)

AUAIIIUUUAEEEECHA!

TOMNo,Idon’tthinkyoushouldhavehadthatlastpitcher.

ALEXALIIIIOOOOKEEEEEMEEEEE!

TOMNo,sheisnotgoingtokillyou.We’llgetyoubacktoverticalyet.Youonlyhavetowalkthelengthofthechurchtomorrow...andnobodysaysyouhavetowalkinastraightline!Youstillhavetheabilitytosay‘Ido’.

ALEXIdonot!

Theybothlaugh.Alexwipeshismouthwithsometoiletpaper.

38

ALEXOhhey,Ifeelmuchbetternow.

TOMYoulookgreattoo!Here’stothat.

(hepullsoutaflask)

ALEXYes,cheerstothat!

Theydrink.Perhapstheysingalittledrinkingsong.Alexisleaningonthetoiletbowl.

TOMDoyouwanttohearthespeech?

ALEXWhatspeechisthat?

TOMWell,thespeechI’mgoingtogivetomorrow.

ALEXOh,thatspeech.No,actuallyIdon’t.

TOMThehellyoudo!

ALEXYeah,actuallyIdo.

Tomgetsacrumbledpieceofpaperfromhispocket.

TOMDon’tworry,it’sgonnabehilarious.I’llspillallthebeststories.

ALEXWaitwait,mymother-in-lawwillbethere.

TOMTohellwithher.You’renotmarryingher.Doyouwanttohearthespeechornot?

ALEXOkay,maybejustgivemethegistofit.

39

TOMSo.I’mgoingtobeginwiththebeginning...

ALEXThat’sagreatplacetobegin!

Bothlaughing.

TOMSoI’llstartoffwiththetimewefirstmet,lookingatthenakedladies.Oneofthemwasaginger...

BOTHTopANDbottom!

TOMAndthenItakeusthrougheverything,likeourcampingtrips,whenwe’ddrinkyourdad’salcohol...

ALEXEw...IthinkImightbesickagainactually.

TOMAndIsavedapoemyouwrote.

ALEXYoudid?

TOMYes!AndI’llbloodyreaditoutloud!Shit...Itwassupposedtobeasurprise.

ALEXTom!Don’tworryaboutit.Iwon’trememberbytomorrow.

TOMThenthereweretheyearswhenwedidn’tseeeachother...

ALEXSkipthose.Tooboring.

40

TOMYes,scratchthat.ThenI’llskipaheadtowhen–BOOM–suddenlywemeetagaininthattaxi.Allthefunstuffwedidoutonthetownwithgirlsand...

ALEXI’mjustgoingtorestmyheadhere...Iamlistening,though!

Alexcloseshiseyesandturnshisfaceawayfromtheaudience.

TOMThenI’llsaysafewnicethingsaboutAlice...

ALEXYouknow...thatcanbewellworthit!

TOMImean,it’stogetinwithhersister,ofcourse...ifthat’sokay?

ALEXFinebyme!We’dbecomefamily!We’dbecousins!

Theylaughforabit.

TOMThenImighttellanotherjokeortwo,andthen...

(hepackshisspeechway)...Imightgooff-scriptcompletelyandtalkabouthowhappy...andproud...Iam...tohaveyouasafriend.AndhowI’vealwayslookeduptoyou,evenifperhapsyoudon’tbelievethat.

Alexdozesoffatthispoint.

TOM(CONT.)Andhowyouarethecleverestandbestfriendanyonecouldhave.Thatyouarealwaysthereforme,andhowluckyAliceis...andeventhoughit’sgoingtobeyoutwonow,itwillstillbeustwo...becausearealfriendshiplikethisisararething.Sowhenyouhaveafriendshiplikeours,it’simportanttoholdontoit,andtotelleachother...

41

(seesthatAlexisasleep)Hey.Alex.Areyousleeping?

ALEX What?No,I’mwideawake!AndIhavesomethingtotellyou.

TOMWhat?

ALEXI’mgoingtobesickagain!

Alexthrowsupagain.Music:EarthWindandFire,"MightyMighty".

PLAYER2Chapter4.InwhichfortunecomesalongasTomgetsthebootbyhisgirlfriend...Susan

(thinkstohimself)...OrwasitJanet...itwasn’tCarol...maybeJane?Ohwell...Chapter4.

Musicends.

4.CAREER.

Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:Inacity,atnight.Tomisonthestreetinhissocks.It’sraining.Heisarguingwithhisgirlfriend,whoisonthesecondfloorofabuilding.

TOMHelen...forChrist'ssake...letmein.IsaidI’msorry,didn’tI.Justletmeinsowecantalkaboutit.

(briefpause)Ican’tbedownhereinjustmysocks!

AsingleshoelandsinfrontofTom.Heputsiton.

TOM(CONT.)Comeon,Helen...oneshoe?!

Ajacketfallsfromabove.Heputsiton.

42

TOM(CONT.)Justgivemefiveminutes.I’monmykneeshere...goddammit.

(hegivesup,turnsaround,whistles)Taxi!

Tomtriestohailataxi.SpotlightonAlex,whoisataxidriver.(twochairs,onediagonallybehindtheother)Tomistryingtoputhisshoeon,hopping.Hegetsintothebackseat.

ALEXEvening.Whereto,then?

TOMTrainstation.Sogladyoustopped...Iamsoaked!Lookatmyshoe.That’sagenuineBelmondo...completelyruined.

ALEX(recognizesTominthemirror)

What,Tom!?

TOMAlex?!Whatareyoudoinghere?

ALEXI’mataxidriver!

TOMMyGod,Alex...wait,I’llcomesitinthefront.

TomscootshischairforwardsoheisnexttoAlex.

TOM(CONT.)Wow,isitgreattoseeyou!Howlonghasitbeen.3,4years.

ALEX6.

TOMSix,isitreally?Sogoodtoseeyou.Youhaven’tchangedonebit!

43

ALEXNeitherhaveyou.

TOMWhendidyoumovehere?

ALEXFouryearsago.

TOMRight!Andthewriting?Areyouafamouswriteryet?

ALEXNah,I’veputthatasideforthemoment.I’matUninow...Englishandliteraturestudies.

TOMUniversity?

ALEXYes,it’sveryinteresting.Iamwritingmythesis.It’s...takingawhile.

TOMWowman,university.I’vecaughtaridewithaprofessor!

ALEXWell...thisisjustasidethingtomakeabitofmoney.

TOMYeahyeahsure.Goodjobtoo...Ineverthoughtthey’dgiveyoualicensewithminussixinbotheyes.

ALEXIdidfailthetestthreetimes.

Theybothlaugh.

TOMOhman,isitgreattoseeyou!

Soundofavehiclehorn.

44

ALEXOhno,I’mstoppedinabuslane.

Tomstickshisheadoutofthewindow,yells.Alexstartstopullthecaraway.

TOMGIVEITAREST,YOUTOSSER!We’rehavingaconversationhere.

(toAlex)Youreallyhaven’tchangedabit.

ALEXNeitherhaveyou.

(awkwardpause)Whataboutyou?Whatareyouuptothesedays?

TOMWell,whataren’tIupto?AtthemomentI’mworkingforacardealership.Justgotpromoted.SoIhaveacompanycarandeverything!

TomhandsAlexabusinesscard.

ALEXWellwellwell.Sowhyaretakingataxi?

TOMCar’swithInlandRevenuejustnow.Somemisunderstandingabouttheregistration.

ALEXDoyoulikethejob?

TOMNah,I’mjustinittolearnalltheangles,thenI’mopeningmyownshop...“TOM’SDELUXEAUTO”.

ALEXTom’sDeluxeAuto?

TOMYessir.Onlythebest!Noneofyourcheapbangers.

45

ALEXSo,ManagingDirector,eh?

TOMProfessor!

ALEX (anotherawkwardpause)Sowhat’swiththatshoe?

TOMOh,justthiscrazychick...Helen.Whyaretheonesthataregreatinbedalwaysbonkersaswell?

ALEXWellI’msureIdon’tknowaboutthat.

TOMOhokay.Whataboutyou?Youhaveaspeciallady?

Alexsmilesshyly.

TOM(CONT.)Youbloodyhave.Youhaveagirlfriend!Iwassureyou’dgotoyourgraveavirgin.

ALEXNono,letmejust...

(herummagesinhispockets)...Hereweare!

AlexfindsaphotoinhisinsidepocketwhileTomquicklygrabsthewheel.

ALEX(CONT’D)That’sAlice.We’vebeentogether2years.ShereadsHistoryofArt.

TOMAnotherprofessor!

(studiesthephoto,surprised)DamnAlex,she’sahottietoo.Andshe’saginger...isitreal?

Alexturnsred.Nods.

46

TOM(CONT.)Soareyougettingmarriedorwhat?

ALEXOhno.AliceandIdon’tbelieveintheinstitutionofmarriage.

TOMWhat?OhIgetit...alwaysbesttokeepyouroptionsopen.

ALEXAndpersonalfreedom–that’simportant.

TOMOhdefinitely.Youhavetowatchoutforthatpersonalfreedom.

ALEXWealsobelievethatwecanlivenon-materialisticlives.

TOMYes?

ALEXYouknow,there’saChineseproverbwhichsays:Ifyouownmorethanseventhings,thenyourthingsownyou!

TOMOhokay.Right.Wellwedotendtogetmorethings,don’twe. (anotherawkwardpause)Didyousayseventhings?

ALEXYes,seven.

TOMWellthat’llgiveyouapairofcleanunderpantseachdayoftheweek.

Alexgetsthejokeandtheybothlaughforabit.

47

TOM(CONT.)Itisreallygreattoseeyou.Professorandeverything,ohman.

Alexstopsthetaxi.Tombeginstofindhiswallet.Alexstopshim.

ALEXNonono,thisoneisonme!

TOMHeythanks!Fantastictoseeyouagain.Ihavethoughtaboutyoualot,youknow.Ireallyhave...Iwonderwhatol’Alexisupto.

ALEXOkay...sohowcomeyouneverwrote?

TOMWhat?

ALEXWesaidweweregoingtowritetoeachother.Iwrotetoyou...

TOMYes?

ALEXThreetimes.Youneverwroteback.

TOMNooo,weeell...Iwasmovingaroundalotatthetime...andyouknowme.You’retheonewhohasawaywithwords.

(laughs)

Thereisanawkwardsilencebetweenthem.Alexisclearlyhurt.

TOM(CONT.)Youknowwhat...I’msorry!

Alexdismisseshim.

ALEXNo,it’smethat...

48

TOMListen,whatareyoudoingfornewyears’eve?

ALEXNewyears’,I’mnotsure...

TOMWellIam.Youaregoingtoapartyatourplace.Youandthehottie...whatwashername?

ALEXAlice.

TOMYes.YouandAlice,meandHelenandabunchofotherpeople.

ALEXIsn’tHelentheonewhojustkickedyouout?

TOMOh,she’llhavecomearoundbythen.Sowhatdoyousay?

ALEXI’dhavetoaskAlice.

Tomgetsoutofthetaxi.

TOMHeyman,it’llbejustlikeoldtimes.

Alexrollsdownthewindowandcallstohim.

ALEXTom!Seeyoulater!

TOMGreat!

AlexdrivesoffandTomdiscoversthathestillhasthephoto.HetriestogetsAlex’attentionbutthetaxiistoofaraway.Heputsthephotoinhispocket.(Maybewehaveseenthisphotobefore-inthefuture-maybenot)

Music:OtisRedding"Changegonnacome".Player2pullsasmalltentacrossthestage.

49

PLAYER2Chapter3.Thedreamsarebig,nothingisimpossible,andeverythingisseventeenyearsold.

Fademusic.

3.BOYHOODDREAMS.

Transition,changeoflighting.Itisnight.Thetwoboysarecamping.Weseetheirshadowsinatentonthescreenintheback.Theyperformusingbackprojection.

TOM(OFF)Areyoucoming?

ALEXI’mhere,I’mhere.

AlexcrawlsintothetentwhereTomis.

TOMLookwhatIgot!

ALEXBlackberrybrandy?!Doesn’tthattasteawful?

TOMYes!I’vegotfourbottles!Gotsomewhitewinetoo.

ALEXWon’tyourmumnotice?

TOMNah,she’sgotloadsofbottlesallovertheplace.Whatdidyoubring?

Alexgetsoutabottle.

ALEXMymumanddaddon’treallydrinkthatmuch...butIgotthisfromdad’sclinic.

TOMWhatthe...85percentalcohol??

50

ALEXYes,it’sthestufftheyusetocleanallthedentalequipment.

(producesacigar)AndIgotthis.It’sarealCuban.

Theymanagetolightthecigar.Alexhasago,coughs.

TOMStop,you’regettingitwet!Giveithere.Thisishow...

Tomtakesoverandpuffsonthecigar.

TOM(CONT.)Checkmeout.ManagingDirectorTomAnderson.Sportscar.Gianthouse.Hotwife.Canyoupictureit?

ALEXYeahyeah,Iseeit!Whenareyoumoving?

TOMAfterthesummerholidays.I’mgoingtoliveinmyuncle’sbasement.

ALEXCor,I’dlikethat!

TOMWhydon’tyoucomealong!

ALEXNo,IhavetofinishmyAlevels.

TOMAlright,nextyearthen.We’llgetaflatandeverything.Comeon,readittomeagain.

ALEXButit’snotdoneyet!

TOMSure.Comeon!

51

ALEXAlrightthen.

(producesasmallnotebook;readsfromit)

Weglideawaytogethersoftlyonaforestlake,deep,andblackasshale.Inapaperboat,aglanceofloveasasail.

TOMThat’sbloodybrilliant!

ALEX(readson)

Therudderofmyheart’sentwinedinamermaid’sgingerhair.Treadsoftlybecauseyoutreadonmydreams.

TOMPerfection.Itsoundsjustlikesomeofthestuffwereadinschool.

ALEXWell,Ididborrowacoupleoflinesattheend.

TOMDoesn’tmatter!Everyonedoesthat.Justonesmallsuggestion...I’mnopoetofcourse...thismermaid...maybesheshouldbeablonde?

ALEXI’llthinkaboutit.

TOMButapartfromthat.Youcangoallthewaywiththat!

ALEXYouthinkIcouldgetitpublished?!

TOMYesman,girlsarecrazyaboutthisstuff.Allthatstuffaboutloveanddreams...well...Idon’tknowabouttreadingonthem.

52

ALEXOh,it’snotneardone.

TOMCanIborrowit?Icouldbringitroundtosomeofthose...printers.

ALEXPublishers?

TOMYessure,I’mgreatatthatkindofthing.DoyoumindifIlearnitbyheartand...youknow...tryitonsomegirls?

ALEX(smiles)

You’dlikethat,eh?

TOM(laughs)

TheygoCRAZYforthatstuff,isallI’msaying.

Theybothlaugh.Alexstartstocough.

ALEXIneedsomefreshair–Ihavethatasthma.

Alexcrawlsoutofthetent,coughing.Transition,changeoflighting.Nightsky.Tomfollowshim.Rearscreenlightsdown,nightlightsonstage.Theyliedownontheirbacksandlookupatthesky.

ALEX(CONT’D) (pointingtostarsandconstellations)TheNorthStar.TheBigDipper.UrsaMinor.

TOMWehavetowrite!

ALEXYessure.Orion'sBelt.

TomturnstoAlex,seriousnow.

53

TOMNo,Ireallymeanit!WehavetoPROMISEeachotherwe’llwrite!

ALEX(seriously)

Yes.Ofcourse.Let’ssayeveryweek.

TOMYes,ATLEAST!

Briefpause,stargazing.

ALEXDoyouknowhowmanystarsthereare?

TOMNo,doyou?

ALEXNobodydoes.Wewillneverbeabletoseeitall.Theysaytheuniverseisinfinite.

TOMOhcomeon,it’sgottoendsomewhere!

ALEXNowayofknowing.Somepeoplesayitallbeganinonetinyspotthatdidn’thavetimeoranything...andthenBANG,itjustexplodedintothecosmos.AndTHENtimebegan.

TOMIdon’tunderstandonebitofthat.

ALEXAndmaybeitwillallstartcontractingbacktogetheragain.

TOMAndthenwhat?Timewillgobackwardsorwhat?

ALEXWell,maybe?

54

TOMYouhavethestrangestheadonyou.I’mgoingtogobackwards...totakeapiss.Andthenwearegoingtodrinkyourdad’salcohol.

Tomgetsuptogopee,Alexliesback,ponderinghispoem.

ALEXWeglideawaytogethersoftlyonaforestlake,deep,andblackasshale.Inapaperboat,aglanceofloveasasail.Therudderofmyheart’sentwinedInamermaid’sblond...No,long,blond...blond,longhair...inamermaid’sgingerhair. (shoutingout)Tom!Gingerisbetter!

Music:TheBeatles:"Doyouwanttoknowasectret".

PLAYER2Chapter2.Hormonesarejustbeginningtostirbelowthesurface.Andtwoladsdiscoversomethingaboutgingers.

Musicends.

2.FRIENDS.

Transition,changeoflighting.Soundofbirdssinging.Earlysummermorninginwoodlandorapark.Alexissearchingforhisdog.

ALEXSkipper?Skipper?

Alexexits.Tomenters,setsaladderagainstagardenwallorfence.HeisabouttoclimbitwhenhehearsAlexapproaching.Hestepsawayfromtheladder;playsinnocent.

55

ALEX(CONT’D)Skipper!

AlexnoticesTom.Theysizeeachotherup.Alexdecidestogotheotherway,soheturnsaround.

TOMCan’tfindyourdog?

ALEXIt’sjustthathe’saKleineMünsterländer...Sohe’llcatchthescentofarabbitorsomething.

TOM(cutshimoff)

Hey,I’veseenyoubefore.

ALEXIhaveseenyoutoo.

TOMDoyoulivehere?

ALEXNo,Igotoschoolinthecity.

TOMOneofthemposhschools?

ALEXWhat?

TOMSinceyou’recarryinghomeworkaround.

ALEXOhhh,that’snothomework...I’mjustreadingit.

TOMNotforschool?

ALEXIt’sreallygood.“HuckleberryFinn”.It’saclassic.

(givesthebooktoTom)Youcanborrowitifyouwant,butitbelongstothelibrary.

56

TOM(givesthebookback)

What’syournameagain?

ALEXAlexander.

TOMThatisalongname.

ALEXAndwhat’syournameagain?

TOMI’mTom.

ALEXThatisashortname.

TOMSooooAlex...

(briefpause)Haveyoueverseenanakedlady?

ALEXEr...what,like...nakednaked?

TOMYeah,whatdidyouthink?

(points)Climbupandseeforyourself!

ALEXWhat’supthere?

TOM(whispers)

It’saloonybin...justforladies.

ALEXDoyoumeanasanatorium?

TOMYes-yes,forladies!Andinthesummertimetheyloungeaboutinthegarden.

57

ALEXWithnoclotheson?

TOMYoucanseeeverything!Eventhebottombits!

Theybothgiggle,butit’stoomuchforAlex.

ALEXSkipper!

TOMAreyouscared?

ALEX(hesitates)

No...no,I’mnotscared!

TOMClimbupthem.I’llkeepwatch.

Alexslowlyclimbsuptheladdertopeekoverthewallattheforbiddensight.Tomteaseshim.

TOM(CONT.)Someone’scoming!

Alexisstartled.Tomlaughsdisarmingly.

ALEXIthoughtforaminute...

TOMYeahyeah,upyougo.

(whispers)Canyouseeanything?

AlexnodsatTom.

ALEXThere’sonethere.

TOMIsshelyingonherbackoronherfront?

58

ALEXOnherback!

TOMIssheaginger?

ALEXYes...topandbottom!

TOMMyturn!Alright?

Alexdescendsslowlydowntheladder.HestopsonthelastrungwithhisbacktoTom.Tomrealiseswhathashappened.

TOM(CONT'D)Isitstiff?

ALEX(shyly)

No,comeoffit...

TOMIt’sbloodysupposedto.Ifit’sstiffthatmeansyou’renotafairy!

ALEX(lookingdown)

WellI’mdefinitelynotthat,then.

TOMMyturnnow.Keepwatch.

Tomclimbstheladderquickly.

ALEXYouseeanything?

TOMOooohh...ItIStheginger.She’stheonewiththebiggestknockers!

ALEXTom!IthinkIhavetogohomenow.

Alexbeginstoleave.Tomcomesdownofftheladder.

59

TOMDon’tyoutellanyoneaboutthis!

ALEXIwouldnever!

TOMThisisourspotnow.

ALEXYes!

TOMYouhavetoswear.

ALEXSwear?Thenwebetterdoitlikeinthebook.Inblood!

AlexgetsouthisSwissArmyknifewhileTomholdshisbook.

TOMIsthatarealSwissArmyknife?

ALEX(nodsasheunfoldstheknife)

Corkscrew,screwdriver,toothpick,bloodknife!

Alexspitsonhisfinger,wipesitonhisshirt.Tomdoesthesame.Alexpricksaholeinhisfinger.WhenhegoestodoittoTom,Tomretractshishand.

ALEX(CONT’D)It’sjustalittleprick.YoucanlookawaywhileIdoit.

AlexpricksaholeinTom’sfinger.Theymashtheircutstogetherandwipetheirfingersontheirclothes.TomhandsthebookbacktoAlex.

TOMSo,seeyoudownhereagaintomorrow?

ALEX(nods)

Icanbringtwosodas.

60

TOMDoyouhavecola?

ALEXYes.

Alexbeginstoleave.

TOMDoyouwantmetohelpyouwithyourdog?

ALEXIdon’tthinkyoucan.

TOMWannabet?Icanwhistle.

ALEXIdon’treally...bet.

TOMSure,everyonedoes.Whatdohave?

Alextakessomecoinsfromhispocket.

ALEXTwobobandsixpence.

TOM(takesthecoins)

Okay,it’sabetthen!

Tomwhistlesloudlywithhisfingersacoupleoftimes.Theylookforthedog.Itdoesn’tcome.

TOM(CONT'D)Alrightthen.Youwin.

(handsthemoneybacktoAlex)

ALEX (pause)But...youstillowemetwobobsixpence.

TOMYes-yes.Youcangetthemtomorrow.Thatisastrangedogyouhave.

61

ALEXIt’snotstrange.

(smiles)Butitisabitdeaf.Seeyoulater!

TOMYeah,seeyou!

Tomstops,lookstocheckthatAlexisgoing.Alexexits.Tomclimbstheladderagain,looks,andputshishanddownhistrouserfront.Music:LouisArmstrong,"WinterWonderland".

PLAYER2Wehavearrivedattheend.Orrather,thebeginning.ThisisChapter1,whereitallbegins...withhalfaliquoricepipe.

Musicends.

1.MEETING.

Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:aChristmasmarket.Alexissittingonabenchwithalargebagofsweets.Tomenters,chewingonamouthfulofsweets.HethrowsawayhisemptybagandsitsdownnexttoAlex.

TOM(looksoverwithenvy)

Howmuchyougotleft?

ALEXOnegobstopper,threeredfruitdrops–andoneblue–andhalfapennypipe.

TOMYouareslow.

ALEXIamnotallowedtoeatalotofsweets...mymumanddadaredentists.That’sthemoverthere!

(points)

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TOMMymum‘sacleaner.IcaneatallthesweetsIwant.That’sheroverthere.

(points)

ALEXShe’sfat.

TOMYes.

(briefpause)Canyouwhistle?

(hewhistleswithhisfingers,badly)

ALEXIcanwhistleinwards.

(whistlestheMarseillaiseinwards)That’stheMarsa-maise.

(briefpause,thenspotssomething)Yourfly’sundone!

TOMMydad’saracecardriver!

ALEXIshereally!?Inaracecar?

TOMYouthinkI’mlying?

ALEXIjustnevermetanyonewhohasadadwhoisaracecardriver.

Tompompouslyproducesasmalltoycarfromhispocket.

TOMIgotthislastyear.

Alexexaminesthecarwithadmiration.

TOM(CONT'D)That’sthekindhedrives.

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ALEXWoooow.

(readswithdifficultyoffthecar)B-UisBU...G-A-TisGAT...T-Iis...T-I-T-I...isBUGA-TITI!

TOMIsthatwhatissays?

ALEXYes.Can’tyouread?

TOMCourseIcan.

(takesthecarback)

ALEXMydadcandrillintoteeth.

TOMMydadtravelsallovertheworld.America...Spain...He’scomingbackformybirthday.I’llbesix.

ALEXI’llbesixtoonexttime.We’rehavingNea-pop-litanicecream.

TOMWe’rehavingthattoo!

ALEXIliketheredpartbest.

TOMMetoo.

ALEXIalwayssavethatforlast.

TOMWhydoyoudothat?

ALEXIjustliketohavesomethingtolookforwardtoo.

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TOMThatsoundsstupid.Itwillmelt.Youshoulddoittheotherwayaround.Youeattheredfirst.Thenthebrown,thenthewhite,andthenyoutrade.Becausethere’salwayssomeonethatdoesn'tlikethebrown.

ALEXOhwow,you’rereallyclever.

TOMWellIamstartingschoolsoon.

ALEXMetoo!

TOMWewillbeclassmatesthen!

ALEXWell...I’llbegoingtoaschoolinthecity.

TOMBugger.

ALEX(briefpause)

Here,youcanhavemypennypipe.

TOMIcan?

AlexpassestheliquoricepipetoTom.Heeatsitimmediately.

TOM(CONT.)Okaythenyoucanplaywithmyracecar...forawholehour.Iliveinthenewestatesbytherailway.

ALEXMymumsaysI’mnotallowedtogodownthere.

TOMThenI’llhavetocometoyou.

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ALEX(looksTomupanddown)

Idon’tthinkI’mallowedthateither.

TOMButthenwe’llnevergettoplay.

ALEXNo,Iguessnot.

Theysitforbitinsilence.Snowstartstofall.

TOMOh,lookatthat...

ALEXIt’ssnowing?

TOMYes,it’ssnowing.

ALEXDidyouknowthatoutofallthesnowflakesintheworld,therearen’ttwothatarethesame?

Music:EncoreofDjangoReinhardt,"BlueDrag".Aconeoflightclosesonthepairtomakethescenelooklikethesnowglobefromthebeginningoftheplay.Musicandlightsfade.

END

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