BackgroundSlide– KeepthisupuntilIintroducemyself.Gotoslide2whenMark/Tony/Ross/etcsays“Andheeeeeeeeres’ Charlie”!

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Goodmorningeveryone!

MynameisCharlie,andIamtheExecutivePastorofChurchDevelopmenthereatCrossroads.Youmaybeaskingyourself(orothers),“WhatonearthisanExecutivePastorofChurchDevelopment?”Greatquestion!Therearefourprimaryleaderswhoguidethechurch’smission:Phil,James, Tina,andme.Iamintherearwiththegear.ThinkofmeastheChiefOperatingOfficer,ChiefFinancialOfficer,ChiefHumanResourcesOfficer,andChiefInformationTechnologyOfficer…allcombinedintoonetidypackage!

I’vebeenhereatCrossroadssinceOctoberof2014.I’vedonealotofthingsovermylifetimethathavepreparedmeforthisrole:IcompletedaBachelorDegreeinHealthCareSciencefromGeorgeWashingtonUniversity;aMaster ’sinTheologyfromRegentUniversity;aDoctorofMinistryfromtheEasternBaptistTheologicalSeminary;andmostrecentlyIwrappedupaMasterofBusinessAdministrationfromUpperIowaUniversity.

I’veservedasaneducatorattheGeorgeWashingtonUniversitySchoolofMedicine,RegentUniversity,BethelSeminary,NorthCentralUniversityhereintheTwinCities,

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andIhavebeenthePresidentofTidewaterBibleCollegeinVirginiaBeach,VA.

I’veservedonthepastoralstaffofseveralchurches,andservedinmultipleareasofpastoralcare,suchashospitalchaplaincy,andasauniformedpolicechaplain.I’vebeenanAssociatePastor,andanExecutivePastor.IservedastheDirectorofChaplainsfortheUnionGospelMissionhereinthetwincitiesfor4years.I’vealsoimmersedmyselfinCross-culturalmissionsfor20years(mostlythroughoutLatinAmerica),andthatculminatedinastintatNorthCentralUniversityastheDeanfortheCollegeofMissions.

IservedintheUSnavyonboard6shipsovermy21-yearnavalcareer,andmostrecentlyItookayearoffanddrovean18-wheelerlonghaulandlocally(hey,itwasonmybucketlist).

Throughoutmyadultlifemypassionhasbeendevelopingandimplementingsystemswheretherearenone,buildingcapacity inindividualsandteams,andguidingorganizationsintodeliberateandintentionalproductivity.ServinghereatCrossroadsismyidealrole,whichisservinginfaith-basedorganizationswhereIamreleasedtofullyembracethiscalling.

Havingsaidallthat...Iammoststronglyconnectedtomyfamily.Iwillbecelebratingmy35thanniversaryin2weekswithmyhighschoolsweetheart, andmydaughterjusthadher5thchild.Speakingofthat, IhaveonedaughterwholivesinNorthSaintPaulwithherhusband,andasonwhoisachef inCharleston,SC.Iamanavidhunter,backyardastronomer,andreader...Ijustlovespyandmilitary-orientednovelsandhistory.

Sothat’sabriefsketch,andIlookforwardtogettingtoknowyoualloverthenext4weeks.Let’s getstarted...

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1. Youmayhaveheardaboutthisbookwrittenafewyearsago,MenarefromMars,WomenarefromVenus.Itscentralideawastoconvincereadersthatcoupleswouldbehappieriftheycouldenhancetheircommunicationskills,andinordertodothattheymustbeabletounderstandthedifferencesintheirbiologicalwiring,andhowthosedifferencescolorcommunicationbetweenthem.Christianspickeduponthat,andbooksthattransferredthisideatodifferencesinmaleandfemalespiritualitystartedflyingofftheshelves.

2. Igetitthatthisis“MentoMen”…amen’sgroup.Iamsureyouareexpectingatopicthatrelatessolely tomen.ButI’vewondered…

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• Aremenanydifferentthanwomenintheirspirituality?

• Whatshouldmendodifferentlyfromtheirspousesintheirspiritualcultivation?

• Arewetalkinggenderrolesoverlaidontospiritualityhere?

• Istheresomethingradicallydifferenthereinspiritualitysimplybecausewearemen,andnotwomen?

• Shouldwe…men…tailororalterourapproachtoGodsolelybecausewearemen?

• Shouldweentertheprayerroomwearingatoolbelt,orwithgreaseunderournails?

• Shouldweoutfitourplacesofprayerwithsportsmemorabiliaorhuntingtrophies?

• ShouldweapproachGodinsuchawaythatwearetryingtoprove ourmanhood?

1. Theanswerstomostofthosequestionsareforanothertime.Instead,wearegoingtolookatsomemoregeneral aspectsofourhumanityandourspirituality

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1. Januaryisthetimefor resolutionsandhereisanexample:ahealthylifestyle.Inthelastweekwe’vebeenbombardedbyadssellingvitamins,dietarysupplementsandreplacements,exerciseequipment,etc.,allpromisingamorehealthy2016.Trainers,doctors,andothertalkingheadshavechallengedustoexercise,eatwell,drinkmorewater,etc.

2. GroupWork(5-10minutes):

• Didyoumakeany“resolutions,”orsetanygoalsforthisyear?

• Whatarethey?

• Whydidyousetthem?

• Whataboutlifepracticesthatimpactourfaithjourney?

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1. WhenIreviewmylifeingeneral,andmorespecificallywhatGodcallsmetobe inthislife,theselifepracticesfloattothetopashavingbeenreallyimportantforme:Authentic,consistent,persistent,andresilient.Thesearemy “FabFour.”Thesepracticesarenot spiritualdisciplinessuchasBiblereading,prayer,orfasting. Spiritualdisciplinesisanothertopicforanothertime. LifepracticesarewaysinwhichIapproachhow Ilivemylife…and Idon’tbelievetheyaregenderspecific.Don’tthinkofthemasasolidlist,oraresearchedandproventheory…thinkofthemascrumbsfromafellowbeggarsharinghisbread.

2. Each weekIwillshowcaseonelifepracticethatmayhelpyoubecomeastrongerChristian. Iemphasizemaybecauseeveryoneisdifferent.Whathasbeenhelpfulformemaynotbeashelpfulforyou.However,Ithinkif youcanfindhandholdstothem,theyjustmayprovehelpfultoyouaswell.

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1. Toillustrateourfirstshowcaselifepractice, I’vechosenthisBeatles’song.

2. BeforeIplaythissong,Ineedtogiveyousomedirections.Asyoulisten,underlinethewordsorphraseswithwhichyouidentify.We’llcomebacktothatalittlelater.

<Playsong>

5-10min

1. Whatwordorphrasesdidyouunderline?

2. Whydidyouunderlinethosewordsorphrases?

3. Whatdoyousupposethissongisabout?

4. Inwhatwaysdoesitspeakaboutbeingreal…ornotbeingreal?

Solet’sdiveintothistopiconpursuinganauthenticlife...

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1. OpenQuestion(1min):Whatdoesitmeantobe authentic?

• Fill in:Beingauthenticreferstothedegreetowhichwearetrue toourownpersonality,spirit,orcharacter eveninthefaceofexternal pressures.

2. OpenQuestion(2- 3min):Whataresomeotherwordsthatgettothisidea?(responseoneasel)

3. OpenQuestion(2-3min):In whatwaysisauthenticity importanttoallofourrelationships?

4. OpenQuestion(2-3min):Whatgets inthewayofbeingauthentic?

5. Whatisthe oppositeof“authentic”?(responseoneasel)(1min)

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1. OpenQuestion(1min):Whatdoesitmeantobe“counterfeit”?

• ItmeansthatweareNOT beingtruetoourownpersonality,spirit,orcharacterbecauseofexternalpressure.

2. OpenQuestion(2-3min):Whataresomeotherwordsthat weusetogetatthisidea? (responses oneasel)

3. OpenQuestion(2-3min): Why doyousupposewepresentacounterfeitselfanyway?

4. Openquestion(1 min):What circumstancesbringoutthecounterfeityou?Anotherwaytosaythisis,“whatintimidatesyou?”(writeansweronyourpaperforlater)

5. Openquestion(1min):Sothistermistheendresult…sowhatdowecallthispersonwhointentionallylivesacounterfeitlife?

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1. OpenQuestion(1min):What isahypocrite?

• Apersonwhoisn’ttruetoselforothers,whochanges him- orherselfreadily…andatwill…because ofcompetingexternalpressures.

2. JesusborrowsthistermfromtheGreekandRomanstagewheretheactorworealargemasktoplaytherole. DoyourememberreadingthatJesuscalledthePharisees“hypocrites.”Wearegoingtocomebacktothatin asecond...

3. Why themask? Thepointofthemaskisto“fool”theaudienceintobelievingtheactorissomeoneelse…totakethemindofthe audienceoffofthepersonUNDERthemaskandtoseeonlythemaskitself.

4. OpenQuestion(1min):Going backtoJesus andthePharisees…whydidhecallthemhypocrites?

5. OpenQuestion(1min):You’veheardchurchpeoplecalledhypocritesbynon-churchpeople.Maybeyou’vebeencalledahypocrite?Baseduponwhatwe'velearnedhere,howwouldyouanswerthat?

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1. RemembertheGreekandRomanexampleofactors.Attheveryrootoftheproblem,hypocritesaretwo-faced(ormore)becausetheyhaveanidentityproblem.

2. OpenQuestion(2-3min):Whatdrivesustowardshypocrisy?Whatchallengesustobesomethingwearenot?

• Maybewearen’tcomfortablewithourselves,

• Maybewearen’thappywithwhoweare,

• Maybewearen’thappywithwhatwe’veachieved.

• Welivealifeofcomparisontoothersbecauseinourmindswedon’t…measure…up…wearen’tgoodenough.

3. GroupWork(5-10min)

• Whatislifelikeforinauthenticpeople(hypocrites)?Payattentiontothe

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pictureontheleft.

vHypocritesareinaconstantstateofadaptation, alwaysbeingonthewatchofpeople’sexpectation,sotheycanchangewhotheyare,allforthepursposeofbeingaccepted.

v Theyareunhappy,unpredictable,andundependable.

• Whatarehypocritesliketobearound?

1. Aninauthenticpersonisapersonwho,becauseofhisown feelingsofinadequacy,ofnotbeing“enough,”actsoutarole dependinguponthecircumstance,withtheintentoffooling theotherpersonintothinkingheisacceptable, belongs,andisvaluable.Thatperson, bypracticinghypocrisy,isinauthentic.

2. Youmaybethinkingthereissomethingwrongwithyou ifyouwrestlewithboutsofhypocrisy,ifyouhavebeencounterfeitfromtimetotime.Relax,everyoneontheplanetthroughouthistoryhashadboutsofhypocrisy…it’swhatmakesushuman!

3. ThereisanexamplefromtheBiblethatshowsusthateventhediscipleshadanissuewithauthenticity…

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ReadGalatians2.11-13

1. Wecanseefromthispassage,thateventhediscipleshadchallengeswithhypocrisy.

• Initially,PeterhungoutandatewithGentilebelievers(tabooforJewstodo)

• Then,whenotherinfluentialJewsshowedup,hestoppeddoingthat

• Now,whydidhedothat?Ithinkitwasbecausehewasworriedaboutwhatthesefolkswouldthinkabouthim.Itwasplainoldfearofwhatothersthought,ofbeingfocusedonself-preservationofhisidentity,ofbeingaccepted. RememberthatPeterwasanormalold,everyday,gardenvarietyfishermanwhowaspracticinghisministryamongsomehighsocietytypeslikePaul.Andthatbackgroundprobablycamebackandbithim.Heprobablyfeltlikehejustdidn’tmeasureup.

• SoPeterhadtwomasks:OneheworeforJewishbelievers,andanother

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oneheworeforGentilebelievers.

2. OpenQuestion(2-3min):So,whatis theremedyforinauthenticliving…evenconsideringthatsomehigh-flyingspiritualtypeslikethediscipleshadissueswiththisaswell?

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Whatisourantidote tohypocrisy?

Isthereabulletthatwillputawayacounterfeitlife?

Whatwillhelpusbecomemoreauthenticpeople?

Let’s turntoRomans12.3-8,becauseIbelievethispassageprovidesthatverysolution

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Let’sreadthisScripturetogether.

TherearethreepointstothisScripturalantidote:

1. Don’tthinkyouarebetterthanyoureallyare

2. Behonestinyourevaluationofyourself

3. MeasureyourselfbythefaithGodgaveyou

Ithinkthecentralpointofthethreeisthesecondone…”behonestinyourevaluationofyourself.”Ifyoudothat,(1)youwon’tthinkyouarebetterthanyoureallyare,and(2)youwon’tbemeasuringyourselfbythestandardofothers.Both1and3dependuponusdoingathoroughjobon#2.Andifwearen’tverygoodatthisprocessatall,well,wewillenduppresentingafalseimageofwhowereallyare.NowIamNOTtalkingpsychopathsorsociopaths.I’mtalkingaboutyouandme,normalfolks(andIusethattermveryloosely!)whoknowtheyhaveinadequaciesorbaggage,whomayfeelinsecureaboutit,andprojectafalseidentifytocoveritup.

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Youmaybenowaskingyourself,“Self!HowdoIhonestlyevaluatemyself?”Anotherquestionrelatedtothisis,“HowdoIknowwhenI’mnotbeingtherealdeal?”

OpenQuestion(2-3min):Howdoyouknowwhenyouarenotbeingreal?

Well,let’s looktothenextslidefortheanswertothefirstquestion,“HowdoIhonestlyevaluatemyself?”

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Thisisthebeginningforourjourneyinauthenticity,aniceberg.Iamusingthisasawaytotalkabouttherelationshipbetweenourinnerlife,ourbehavior,andhowourbehaviorisperceivedbytheenvironment.

1. Environment

• Environmentiseverythingoutside of“you.”Inthewayweareusingtheiceberghere,environmentcomesdowntootherpeople,andthesettingsinwhichwefindthem.Homeisanenvironment,workisanenvironment,churchisanotherenvironment…andthereareothersthatvarywithourlifestyles.

• Theenvironmentiswherewefaceexternal pressure,thatis,thepressuretochangeourbehavior basedonwhatwethink peoplemaywanttohearorsee.

• Theimportantthingforustokeepinmindhereisnothowweallappropriatelyadaptourapproachtoothersbasedonsetting.Forinstance,ifyouareajokester,youwouldn’tbeajokesteratafuneral…thatjust

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wouldn’tbeappropriate. ThepressureIamtalkingaboutchallengesustochangeourbehaviorbecauseofourowninsecurityandfeelingsofbeing“lessthan.”

• OpenQuestions(1-2min):

Ø WhatwastheexternalpressureforPeter?

Ø Whatmayhavedrivensomeofthisbehavior?

2. Behavior

• Thisiswhatweshow totheexternalenvironment,andhowtheexternalenvironmentinterpretsus,howit“getstoknowus”.

• Thisiswherewearegoingtobeseenasauthenticorinauthentic.Thisiswherepeoplerefertousas“real,”or“fake.”

• Thisistheplacewherealltheunhealthy thingswethinkaboutourselvesshowsupforalltheworldtosee.

• OpenQuestions(1-2min):

Ø HowdidPaulinterpretPeter ’sbehavior?

Ø HowdoyouthinktheGentilebelieversinterpretedPeter ’sbehavior?

Ø HowdidPeter ’sbehaviorimpactthecauseofChrist?

3. TheInnerLife

• Asyoucanseeintheiceberg,themajorityofourlifeisunseen.Infact,theonlywaypeopleareawareofanicebergatallisbecauseofthatlittletipthatsticksupabovethesurfaceofthewater.It’sthesamewithus.Ourinnerlifeliesbelowthesurface.It’sunseen.It’shiddenfromothers.Theonlywaypeopleknowwhatisgoingoninourinnerlifeistopayattentiontothatlittlebitofusthatisvisibletothem…ourbehavior.

• RememberwhatJesussaidaboutfruittrees,“agood treecannotproducebad fruit,andabad treecannotproductgood fruit”(Mt7.15-20).Putanotherway,“outoftheabundanceoftheheart,themouthspeaks”(Lk

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6.45).What’sinsideWILLcomeout…youcan’thideit.

• Attitudes,beliefs,andvaluesareadaptable.

Ø OpenQuestion(2-3min):Howaretheseformed?Theyarelearnedaswegrowup,andhaveformedusuallyataveryyoung age.

Ø OpenQuestion(2-3min):Whatdoesittaketochagethem?Honesty,flexibility,discipline,andhardwork.

• OpenQuestion(2-3min)Whyareidentityandpurposearethehardestthingstogetat?

Ø What is the meaning of life? = What is the meaning (essence) of existence?

Ø Who am I (essentially)? What is my true nature/essence? What is my true identity?

Ø What is my greater purpose?

Ø How should I live my life?

Ø Startingpoints:Psalm139,Rom12,1Cor12,andEph4

Ø GettingtotheseanswersarecriticalbecausetheywillinfluenceyourABVsinaprofoundway,andthoseinturnwillshowupinyourbehavior.

• Let’s bringitalltogethernowinwhatIcallthe“GettingtotheBottomofitProcess.”

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Puttingitalltogether.

1. Payattentiontotheenvironment

• Beforeyouarrive,consider…

Ø Whowillbethere?

Ø Whatisthesetting?

Ø Whatisthepurpose?

Ø Whatwillbeexpectedofme?

Ø Wedothisbecauseifweplanahead,wecan“plan”howwewillrespond inthatenvironment,andplanninghelpsusavoidresortingtoinauthenticbehavior.

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• During

Ø Howarepeoplerespondingtome?ThisoneisHUGE…ittakesself-awarenessandothers-centeredness

• Example:Forinstance,Ihaveatendencytospeedupmyspeechinuncomfortablesituations…likethisone.BecauseIknowthisaheadoftime,Icanplantoslowdown,andbemoreattentivetoothers.Thathelpsmebemore“real.”WhenIamdoneheretoday,Iwilldebriefmyselfovertheseexactpointsfornexttime.

1. Payattentiontoourinnerself

• Behonestinourevaluationofourselves:YourABVwasformedpassivelyovertime.Ittakesameasureofwilltochangethem.

• MeasureourselvesbythefaithGodgaveus– Rememberyouridentity inChrist,andyourPurpose.Verses?Selftalk?

• Beawareofourhiccupsandfoibles,ourchallengesandstrengths…ouruniquenessandirreplaceability.There’snooneelseonthisplanetlikeyou!

2. Payattentiontoourbody/bevavior

• Ourbodieswillgiveuscluesduringourinteractionsandwillprovidehintsthatwemayrespondinauthentically.

• OpenQuestion(1-2min):Whatareyoursignals?

Doyourememberthequestion,“HowdoIknowwhenI’mnotbeingtherealdeal?”Thenextslidewillhelpusspotthat…

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What’smyvoicedoing?Whenwe’renotbeingourselves,wetendtouseahighvoice.We’renotprojectingfromourbellyandchancesareeverythingbelowtheneckisstarvedofbreath.Areyoutalkingsuperfast? A signofdiscomfort.

What’smybodydoing? AmItighteningmystomach,hands,jaw,etc.?Ourbodiesarebillionsofcellsfiringatonceandthosecellscan’tbefooled.Tension isbeingpickedupinstantlybyyourbody.

AmIbreathing? Shallowbreathinginthechestareavsthebellywillnotonlychangeyourvoice,it’salsoasignaloffear,nervousnessandfallingintothetrapofinauthenticity.

AmIinthepresentmoment,oramIbeinghyper-vigilant?Whenwe’refeelingsafeandauthentically inthemoment,werelax andrespondnaturallytowhat’sshowingup.Whenwe’renot,we’rehyper-vigilant…watchingothersforsignsthatwe’reaccepted andokay.

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