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July 2012 • Issue 1 Vol. 1

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2 • The BIG Day

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Page 9

Page 6

Page 3

Bridesmaids: 9 Tips for who to pick

Choosing your Wedding Photographer

Real Brides Confess Their Etiquette Mistakes

The BIG Day • 3

“I put all of registry info on my wedding invitation. People told me they were happy to

know where we had registered!”

This really boils down to a matter of tact. Until recent-ly, the only place you would

mention where you registered was with your shower invitation—and even that could cause some raised eyebrows. However, the changing wedding landscape has brought more relaxed wedding etiquette rules. Not only is it acceptable to print your wedding registry in-formation on your shower invite, it’s welcomed. Most wedding eti-quette experts today will agree, telling you it’s perfectly fine.

Bridal Guide Editor-in-Chief and wedding etiquette ex-pert Diane Forden breaks it

down like this: “The purpose of a wedding shower is the gift-giving tradition, so printing your regis-try details on your shower invite is acceptable,” she says. “However, since the primary focus of your wedding is to celebrate a special day, it’s still considered a little tacky to send registry info with your wedding invitation. For now, keep those ‘Registered At’ notices in the shower invitations only.”

You can always use social networks like Facebook and Twitter to spread the

word, or even set up your own wedding website (or blog) with all of the details. And don’t forget the oldest “technology”—word of mouth is still a great way to spread the news about where you’re reg-istered without breaking any eti-quette rules.

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Lifestyle

4 • The BIG Day

“My ex wants to invite his ex-girlfriend to our wed-ding!”

The ex-factor is one of the great guest list debates. Usually, inviting an ex to your wedding is con-sidered taboo, and rightly so—why would any-

one want to be reminded of their future spouse’s past li-aisons on one of the happiest days of their life? Jealousy can be a powerful thing. Exes can turn even the most secure couples into playground-stomping, whiny tots.

So if you have any doubt, do yourselves a favor—and just opt out of inviting them.

An exception to the rule is when one of you has a child with your ex. If you’ve maintained a good relationship over the years, then it is accept-

able to invite your ex to your wedding. But beforehand, find out how your fiancé really feels. If you suspect your loved one is giving you a “no” disguised as a “yes” when it comes to inviting your ex, pull the plug immediately.

Real Bride Confession #2

Real Bride Confession #3“I cannot stand my mother in law. At all.”

Take comfort in knowing that you’ve got plenty of company: The rivalry between brides and moth-ers-in-law has been around as long as marriage

itself and often brings on a host of difficult feelings for both parties.

If you’re looking to keep the peace, the best thing you can usually do is grit your teeth and try to find some common ground with his mom. Of course, there are

limitations to how much teeth-gritting you should have to do. If your future mother-in-law’s advice on any topic ever becomes overly invasive or downright insulting, you definitely have the right to assert yourself. Just don’t fly off the handle—it’ll only make things worse.

Lifestyle

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The BIG Day • 5

“One of my bridesmaids never acts excited about my wedding. I want to renege on my decision!”

This is a tricky situation—you’d be wise to tread lightly here. Your goal is to light a fire under her behind or give her an easy out, all while trying to delicately preserve your relationship (after all, you

chose her for a reason).

First do a quick bridezilla check. It’s reasonable to have certain ex-pectations of your bridesmaids, just remember that your wedding is probably not the focal point of their existence the way it is of yours.

If you’re expecting anyone to fill up her schedule with wedding-prep du-ties, chances are you’re the one who’s being unreasonable.

If you’ve done an honest self-check and you conclude she’s genuinely not living up to her bridesmaid duties then you have cause for action. The key is to remain calm, even when emotions are riding high. You

have a relationship with this person and the goal is to preserve it while bringing her around to your cause.

Start with a friendly phone call to let her know you’ve noticed she hasn’t been a part of things, and make sure to make it about her. If she apologizes and promises to get back on track, then that should

be sufficient she may just have needed a friendly reminder.

If your questions elicit a negative reaction, she may be insinuating that she resents your demands on her time. If you pick up on very strong negative feelings, you may want to offer her a friendly “out” by telling

her you know she’s swamped and can understand if the extra commit-ments are simply too much for her right now. At this point, you’ve given her ample opportunity to apologize for her neglectfulness, air any griev-ances she may have, and if necessary, peacefully remove herself from your bridal party.

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Lifestyle

6 • The BIG Day

Choosing your Wedding Photographer

Choosing your Wedding Photographer

Shopping for a local or destina-tion wedding photographer isn’t like selecting outfits and bridal

bouquets for one simple reason: you can’t see the pictures you’re buying until after you’ve made your deci-sion. In the end, your decision will be largely a matter faith. For many, price ends up being the primary determining factor, which doesn’t make much sense when you consider that there are no second chances.

Personal referrals

Start by building a list of several wed-ding photographers. Asking friends and relatives for recommendations is a great way to begin. People who’ve had positive experiences with photogra-phers are always happy to share their photographers names with you, and when you meet with the photographer, you’ll both have an immediate frame of reference from which to proceed. Visit websiteVisit each photographer’s website. Carefully review his or her portfolio. Try to concentrate on photos and not on website design. Today anyone can get a beautiful template flash website for a few hundred bucks. Good pho-tographers usually show plenty of their recent work online including full

weddings - you will save time by pre-qualifying photographers who have comprehensive online portfolio for possible meeting. Create a list of those photographers. Most important is - see if photographer’s work looks appealing to you, if you can feel the “click”.

Phone interview

Call or email each photographer on your list. A quick phone call or short email will give you a number of key pieces of information, such as the photographer’s availability on your wedding day, type of photography specialties (e.g., candid, traditional, photojournalism, combination, film or digital, etc.), and a rough idea as to how much they’ll charge you and what you’ll receive for that fee. It will also tell you a bit about the photographer’s per-sonality. Remember, this person will be an integral part of the most important day of your life, so be sure you choose someone you feel good about.

Make appointments

Make appointments with the photog-raphers who sound promising so you can view their portfolios and discuss details. These meetings should include both the bride and groom as well as the

bride’s parents, and anyone else who will either be paying for the work or working closely with the photographer. Write down all your questions before you meet, and take notes during the meetings.

Getting Specific

The more questions you ask up front, the more confident and relaxed you’ll feel on and after your wedding day. If in doubt, ask! And remember, there is no such thing as a dumb question!Here are some questions you may con-sider to ask:

How will you show me pictures for se-lection (e.g., electronic, proofs, contact sheets, online gallery, etc.)?

Will you help me choose the final pic-tures? How will you make it easy for friends and family to order reprints?

What are the costs of the various levels of coverage?

Are there different degrees of coverage? What is your photography style; pho-tojournalistic, traditional, mixed, etc.,?

How much for the duplicate prints, al-

Tips & Tricks

The BIG Day • 7

bums, folios, enlargements, thank you cards, etc.,?

What’s your time frame for preparing the pictures for my selection?

How about engagement session?How long do I have to make up my mind as to which pictures I want and how many?

How long have you been in business? What kind of guarantee comes with my hiring you? What’s your philosophy to photograph-ing weddings?Will you have an assistant?

Do you have travel fees?

How much is your overtime fee?

What do you plan to do at my wed-

ding to make my wedding photographs unique and personal to me?Do you have a backup?

Will you be shooting my pictures per-sonally?

Will you use film or digital?

Who will I be dealing with after the wedding?What’s your payment policy?Do you give any guarantees on your services and photographs?

What is the possibility of the pictures fading?

There is huge number of possible ques-tions you can ask your photographer. Most professional photographers will provide you with clear explanations about their services prior to any ques-

tions even asked. Many of them have full packages that include certain num-ber of prints, digital files, enlargements, etc., so it is very clear what level of ser-vice and final products you should ex-pect.

When you’ve narrowed your list to one or two photographers, ask each of them to show you complete coverage of a sin-gle wedding. This will give you a much better idea as to what you can expect than a collection of the best shots from several different weddings. Consider whether the photographer successfully captures individual characteristics and personalities. Do the pictures capture people’s feelings, or are they just pic-tures of people standing around look-ing self-conscious. Do they look natu-ral?

A useful trick: You might want to ask the photographer to analyze your face to learn how he/she will achieve the most flattering images, best angles, and so on.

Tips & Tricks

8 • The BIG Day

Bottom line: years from now, the money you spent on your wedding photos will be irrelevant; what’s important is getting great photographs that capture the joy of your

wedding day.

Prepare to make a commitment

At this stage, if you’ve taken the time to ask good questions, you’ll know wheth-er this photographer is for you. By now you’ve probably spent a good deal of time communicating with your pho-tographer. Keep in mind that photog-raphers are trained professionals and that they deserve to be treated as such. Go to your meeting prepared to leave a deposit to reserve the date. Before you do, however, you may want to as-sure yourself of a few more last-minute details. Ask about the photographer’s policy for wedding-date changes and what happens if he/she is not available on the alternate date. Ask about their policy for an unforeseen cancellation. If the photographer is right for you, if the photographer is available, and if you’re convinced that it’s worth the price, then make the commitment and relax; this is undoubtedly one of the best and most intelligent decisions you’ve made in planning your wedding

Make appointments

Make appointments with the photog-raphers who sound promising so you can view their portfolios and discuss details. These meetings should include both the bride and groom as well as the bride’s parents, and anyone else who will either be paying for the work or working closely with the photographer. Write down all your questions before you meet, and take plenty of notes dur-ing the meetings.ographs in relation to what’s being spent on flowers, food, and music, keeping in mind that pictures are the only thing you’ll have after the moment has passed.

Rates vary significantly according to experience, talent and technique. Gen-erally, fees for competent photography will begin at around a thousand dollars. Spending less than this is a gamble. A true specialist, one with a reputation for consistently delivering the best,

might begin at two to three times that amount.

Packages vs fixed prices

Some photographers offer basic pack-ages consisting of a specified number of photographs for a set dollar amount, while other studios might have a fixed charge for shooting the wedding and charge for each prints you order. Other photographers give you all the pictures that are taken, charging a set fee for ev-erything. You should realize when you’re prepar-ing your budget that you’ll probably want additional portraits for both fam-ilies. In any case, you’re probably go-ing to spend more than you originally planned, but you’ll be doing it because you like the pictures so much; you’ll want to buy the extras. •

Tips & Tricks

The BIG Day • 9

Stressing over which friends and/or rel-atives will be bridesmaids? Choosing the bridal party is no laughing matter.

Scan these deciding factors, and the selec-tion process will be a breeze.

How Many Maids?One of the first things to consider when selecting your bridal party is how many guests you’re planning to invite. While bridal parties can range anywhere from a single maid/matron of honor to more than a dozen attendants, most wedding experts agree that a good rule of thumb is to have one groomsman and one correspond-ing bridesmaid for every 50 guests. (This doesn’t mean, though, that you have to go ask a stranger to be in your wedding just because your fiance has one more attendant than you do. Life will go on if you have un-even numbers of groomsmen and brides-maids.) Also, a large wedding party tradi-tionally signifies a formal wedding. So if you’re planning a small, intimate gathering, ten bridesmaids might be a bit too much.

A good guideline is to have one groomsman and one bridesmaid for every 50 guests.

More isn’t MerrierSpeaking of size, remember that the more bridesmaids you have, the greater the po-tential for complications. In other words, you’ll need to get more people to agree on a dress or decide on a bridal shower date. And if you’re on a limited budget, think about who has to pay for all those brides-maids bouquets. That’s right -- you.

Blood is Thicker Than WaterIf you’re close to your sister or future sister-in-law, the thought of not including them

in your wedding party probably never even occurred to you. But if you suffer from a serious Jan Brady complex, the thought of asking your sister (or sister-in-law) to be a bridesmaid probably ranks right up there with getting a football in the nose. Still, it’s usually worth including family members just to avoid unnecessary conflict. Think of it as having more bargaining power when you’re battling with your mom over the guest list.

No BacksiesYou don’t need to ask someone to be in your wedding just because she asked you to be in her wedding. Don’t ask the college room-mate you haven’t spoken to in five years just to return the favor. Weddings are no time for quid pro quo. Period.

Location, LocationWhat do you expect from your brides-maids? Will simple moral support suffice, or do you expect them to be your personal Pollyannas, addressing wedding invitations and tying tiny ribbons around your wed-ding favors? If it’s the latter, think twice about asking friends who live far away or who have extremely hectic schedules. You don’t want to find yourself getting frustrat-ed with a friend you knew wouldn’t be able to give you all the help you wanted.

Don’t AssumeTry not to make hasty assumptions. Don’t write off some friends simply because you think they don’t have enough money to afford that Vera Wang bridesmaid dress you have your eye on. If you want to ask a friend whom you know is having financial difficulties, you can always say something

like, “I’d love for you to be a bridesmaid, but I understand the tough time you’re go-ing through now. If you can’t do it, I’d love to find something else for you to do in the wedding.” (Or, you can offer to pay her way if you can’t stand the idea of her not being in the wedding.)

Guys CountA bridesmaid doesn’t have to be a woman. Despite the prevalence of feminine pro-nouns in this guide, if your best friend is a guy, there’s no reason why he can’t be in your wedding. Today, many brides (and grooms) are including members of the op-posite sex as attendants. In these cases, a man on the bride’s side is simply called an attendant or bridesman, while a woman on the groom’s side can be called an attendant or a groomswoman.

Other HonorsStill stuck? Keep in mind that there are plenty of other roles good friends can play in your wedding if they don’t make the cut -- do a reading, hand out programs, or per-form a song.

Spread the NewsOnce you make up your mind about your bridesmaids, you’ll want to get the word out. The only thing worse than a coworker who thinks she’s invited to your wedding is a friend who assumes she’s going to be a bridesmaid. If you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, remember that, as cli-ched as it sounds, any true friend will un-derstand whatever decision you ultimately make. And finally, the sooner you make your decision, the sooner you get to check off one more box on your endless wedding checklist.

Tips & Tricks

Bridesmaids: 9 Tips for Who to Pick

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