Assertiveness Skills 140506223631 Phpapp01 1
Transcript of Assertiveness Skills 140506223631 Phpapp01 1
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Assertiveness Skills
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art of
Saying NO
Assertiveness
for Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan for
a Ne" Assertive
#ou
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#ou can not fi$ the "hole
"orld %ut you can hel& a
s!all &art of it
#ou can assert yourself
in an area "orth"hileto you
Assertiveness
'
The (iddle
)round
%et"een %einga
Bully and a
*oor!at
C
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$hat is Assertiveness %
Con&irming con&idently' positively.(o de&end one)s rights or opinions'sometimes with unnecessary*eal+..
ha!%ers *ictionary
,pressing opinions
or desires strongly and
with con&idence so that
people take notice..+.
O$ford Advanced
+earners *ictionary
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$hat is Assertiveness %
An honest' direct' and
appropriate epression o&
ones &eelings' thoughts'and "elie&s
Assertiveness is the a"ilityto communicate yourneeds' &eelings' opinions'and "elie&s in an open andhonest manner withoutviolating the rights o& others
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Assertiveness is /!(+
A guaranteed
way to win every
argument
A guaranteed
$ay to get
what you want
A way to getothers to &eel
like you &eel
or think like
you think
(elling everyone
everything all the
time
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Assertiveness involves
Saying yes when you wantto' and saying no when you
mean norather than agreeing
to do something #ust to pleasesomeone else3
4eciding on' and sticking to'
clear "oundaries 5 "eing
happy to de&end your position'
even i& it provokes con&lict and
"eing con&ident a"out handling
con&lict i& it occurs
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ssertiveness involves
6nderstanding how to negotiate i& two people want di&&erentoutcomes
6nderstanding how to negotiate i& two people
want di&&erent outcomes
6nderstanding how to negotiate i& two people
want di&&erent outcomes
7aving a positive' optimistic outlook
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What Assertiveness doesnot Involve
Assertiveness is
not aggressiveness
or sel&ishness
eing assertive
does not involvehumiliating or
a"using other
people
eing assertive
does not mean
violating the
9ights o& others
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art of
Saying NO
Assertiveness
for Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan for
a Ne" Assertive
#ou
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he /eed &or Assertiveness
Win
+ose
Stake
haos
ontrol Order
+oss
Profit
,nvest
(he way we
communicate with
others and with
ourselves
ultimatelydetermines the
:uality o& our lives.;
~Anthony
Robbins
9elationships
slowly disintegrate'
one &ailed or
missing
conversation at a
time.;
-Susan Scott
+the meek do
not inherit the
,arth' they serve
those who are
sel&-con&ident and
sel&-assertive.
-Dean Koontz
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/eed &or Assertiveness
+oss
+ack of assertiveness leads to
*e&ression.
&eeling helpless
with no control
over your li&e
/esent!ent.
anger at others
&or taking
advantage o& you
0rustration.
why did < let
that happen
Te!&er.
i& you cant epress
anger appropriately
it can "uild up to
temper out"ursts
An$iety.
you may avoid
certain situations
which make you
&eel uncom&orta"le
/elationshi&s.
when individuals
cant tell each
other what they
want
Stress.
stress can have
a negative impact
on the "ody
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ene&its o& eing Assertive
=ropels your career
7elps have "etter
relations with others
9educes stress
>inimi*esany unpleasantness
>akes you &eel
"etter a"out yoursel&
?aults you into leadership
position
A"le to adapt to changing
social and pro&essional
environments
@reedom &rom guilt
conscience as you
know that you are right
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art of
Saying NO
Assertiveness
for Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan for
a Ne" Assertive
#ou
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nderstanding ehavior =atterns
=assive
Su"missiveAggressive Assertive
1 Basic Ty&es
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assive ehavior Symptoms
Passive
9eluctantto epress own opinions'
and &eelings
!&ten &eels used "y others
9e&rains &rom complaining
@inds it di&&icult to re&use the
re:uests o& others
Ac:uiesces in the views and
desires o& the ma#ority
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assive ehavior 9easons
@ear o& re#ection
@ear o& upsetting others
@eeling responsi"le
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gressive ehavior
mptoms
Aggressive
@re:uently argues with others
@re:uently gets angry
,asily and &re:uently &inds &ault with
others
/o di&&iculty in complaining whenreceiving poor :uality
,pects others to accommodate
own schedules
Continually works to personal
agendas at others epense
9arely &eels aware o& the needs or
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gressive ehavior
easons
4isregard the
needs o& others
(hink as superior "eings
Childhood emotional
trauma
!ver-correction o& "eing
too passive
Aggressive /easons
Satis&ying their own needs
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assertive
A"le to epress desires and
&eelings
A"le to converse and work well withpeople
A"le to disagree with others
respect&ully
Aware o& the needs and desires o&
others
A"le to make concessions to others
A"le to epress a concern or a
need
A"le to re&use a re:uest without
&eeling guilty
ssertive ehavior Symptoms
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Comparison
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Style /ot epressing needs
Sel&-devaluing
$aiting to "e led
7onest' open' direct
9ecognises own rights
istens to others)needs
4omineering' insisting
$in lose
/ot listening
Non'ver%al%ehaviour
Small posture
Buiet' hesitant voice
ittle eye contact
6pright' "alanced pose
@irm' clear voice
Steady eye contact
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ansactional Analysis
, a!
O2
#ou3re
O2
, a!
Not O2
#ou3re
Not O2
Assertive
PassivePassive4
Aggressive
Aggressive
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art of
Saying NO
Assertiveness
for Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan for
a Ne" Assertive
#ou
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l ti l&
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aluating oursel&
sertiveness (est
.1. Can you epress negative &eelings a"out other people
and their "ehaviors without using a"usive language%
2. Are you a"le to eercise and epress your strengths%
D. Can you easily recogni*e and compliment other
people)s achievements%
E. 4o you have the con&idence to ask &or what is
right&ully yours%
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aluating oursel&
sertiveness (est
.F. Can you accept criticism without "eing de&ensive%
G.4o you &eel com&orta"le accepting compliments%
H. Are you a"le to stand up &or your rights%
8. Are you a"le to re&use unreasona"le re:uests &rom
&riends' &amily' or co-workers%
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aluating oursel&
sertiveness (est
.I. Can you com&orta"ly start and carry on a conversation
with others%
10. 4o you ask &or assistance when you need it%
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aluating oursel&
on Assertiveness (est
.1. 4o you "uy things you do not want "ecause you are
a&raid to say no to the salesperson%
2. $hen you do not understand the meaning o& a word'do you ask a"out it%
D. 4o you &eel responsi"le when things go wrong' even
i& it is not your &ault%
E. 4o you look directly at others when you talk to them%
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aluating oursel&
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aluating oursel&
on Assertiveness (est
.F. 4o you o&ten tet or email someone a"out a con&lict
instead o& talking to them &ace to &ace%
G. 4o you &eel intimidated "y people in authority%
H. 4o you generally have a poor and clumsy posture%
8. 4o you o&ten &eel so angry you could scream%
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aluating oursel&
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aluating oursel&
sertiveness (est
.I. 4o you &eel dependant when asking &or help &rom
others%
10.
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Jnow our asic 9ights
(owant
(o&eel
(oe-press(osay/o
(omistakes(o
"eangry(ocompen
sation(odecide
(ochangemind
To Assert
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i !"# i
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art of
Saying NO
Assertiveness
for Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan for
a Ne" Assertive
#ou
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Skills &or Assertiveness
Afrmations Techni5ues
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+i%eration ycle of
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+i%eration ycle of
Assertiveness
Assertiveness Cycle
=!S
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=ositive
a&&irmations
give hope
Lain sel&-
con&idence
ecome your
own person
Cast o&& the
limitations
etter &or
our mental
well-"eing
wer o& A&&irmations
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irmations &or $ork
< am a competent and con&ident person
< am an attractive and interesting person
=eople listen to what < have to say
At meetings < make a signi&icant contri"ution
< am independent o& the approval o& others
< can always &ind opportunities in situations o& change
< am creating my desired &uture
Some o& these
a&&irmations may
appeal' others
may not.
4evelop a set &or
yoursel&
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irmations &or i&e
< am what < am
< am at one with mysel& and my world
< respect mysel& and all living things
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kills &or Assertiveness
1Driving Force 1
4,SC 4escri"e' ,press'Speci&y' Clari&y3
roken record
@ogging
/egative in:uiry
/egative assertion
< statements
4isagreeing grace&ully
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4,SC
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S
4,SC
*escri%ethe actionsor "ehaviour that you
see as taking place
E$&resswhy that
"ehaviour is an issue
S&ecifythe resulting
actions or change o&
"ehaviour you would
like to e&&ect
larifythe conse:uences &or
&ailing to change "ehaviour or
meet demands
E
D
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k 9 d
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ken 9ecord
Broken/ecord
1. 9epeat yoursel& again andagain and again' until the person
gives in or concedes to your demands.
2. >ost people capitulate a&ter
you repeat yoursel& three times.
Broken record is &articularly useful "hen. 4ealing with those in authority ou are not getting what you are entitled to 4ealing with people "righter or more &luent than you (he other person is likely to use put-downs
Because you 6ust have to re&eat yourself7broken record is really easy to use8
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roken record
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roken record
,KA>=,
#ou.M(he program was not up to standard'
and we did not cover all the elements said
in the "rochure so < want a re&und.)
/e&ly.M!ther people have not complained'
in &act some o& the evaluations are ecellent.)
#ou.M(hey might "e' "ut < want a re&und
"ecause the work was not up to standard.)
/e&ly.
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ogging
0ogging
1. @ogging is use&ul when
someone is putting pressure
on you to do something
2. (hus your response to the
re:uest is to put up a &og
isten to what the person says' and decide
whether or not you wish to comply.
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ative ,n:uiry
NegativeEn5uiry
,n:uiry is real &un.
ou invite etra criticism andor
eamples so that you have the
"ene&it o& additional &eed"ack.
ACC6SA(
Youre stupid
Youre selfish
9,= M!h really' in what way%) MAlways% 7ow do youknow that &or a &act%) M>y understanding may
"e di&&erent &rom yours'
what eactly do you mean
"y that%) MCan you eplain why
this particular instance
has caused you to
"rand me with
such a
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ative Assertion
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ative Assertion
Negative Assertion
1. $hen people call us names'
or give us negative la"els' we usuallywish to de&end ourselves
2. Aggressive or manipulative people who
do this to us soon &ind our weak spots.
D. /egative assertion is like #u#itsu where you
use the power o& your protagonist to turn the
situation to your advantageE. /o one is per&ect' so in negative assertion
All you do is accept the part o& the that is true'
in a matter o& &act way
+ook at the e$a!&les.
If you think that! you must be stupid
ouN M< admit
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Statements
, State!ents 1. M
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O M< get the impression you are notinterested)
O M< have the &eeling you don)t want myideas)
O M< think you are ignoring me)
(hese statements are power&ul"ecause you)re descri"ing yourinterpretation o& a situation' not
#ust the situation itsel&.
M< have "een asked to work latethree times this week)O M< see that < have "een passed over
&or promotion again)
O M< notice that you have not spoken to
me &or three days)
Situation statements are power&ul
"ecause they are &actual and' as an
o"servation on
your part' they are non-negotia"le.
O M< want you to pay attention)
O M< want your &ull co-operation)
O M< want you to "e on time)
(he strength o& these statements is
that they let the other person know
your eact
position and what you epect.
O M< &eel "etrayed)O M< &eel taken advantage o&)
O M< &eel angry' disappointed'
cross' annoyed)
(his is not a"out &eelings' "ut
really a way to epress your
opinion more strongly. Again'
these statements are power&ul
"ecause they are non-
negotia"le or irre&uta"le.
O M< want you to pay attention)
O M< want your &ull co-operation)
O M< want you to "e on time)
(he strength o& these
statements is that they let the
other person know your eact
position and what you epect.
< Statements
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,nter&retation.
M< think you are
trying to do as
little as possi"le
without me)
0utureAction. M< amgoing toreport you i&
you do thisagain)
Want.MSo < wantyou to dowhat < askeven i&
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4isagreeing Lrace&ully
*isagreeing)racefully
1. !ccasionally there will
"e disagreements
2. Ac:uiescing or' the opposite'
attacking' are not constructive
responses.
@ollowing a simple step-"y-step process will help
you put your case without getting emotional'losing your integrity or losing your respect &or the
other person.The Process
1. A&&irmative Statement
2. So&tening Statement
D.
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(his is simply saying M,S).
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4isagreeing Lrace&ully
*isagreeing)racefully
Affirmative :8 9#es3
Softening ;. M< can :uite understand why you would like
me to stay in and keepyou company as < have done the last three Saturdays)
Indicate 18Met me eplain why tonight is so important to
me)
State ac"eth "ecause it has
had ecellent reviews and i& < don)t see it tonight < will
miss it)Disagree =8MSo < have decided that < am going to go out)
$ompromise G. Mut < am more than happy to keep you
company tomorrow.)
E>A(P+ESPosition. 9, don3t think you
should go out tonight3
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earning !"#ectives
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art ofSaying NO
Assertivenessfor Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan fora Ne" Assertive
#ou
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managementstudyguide.com. All
h A & S i /!;
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he Art o& Saying /!;
Say
NO
Passive NO5 accompanied "y
weak ecuses and
rationali*ations.
Aggressive NO - 4one with
contempt
Assertive NO ' is simple anddirect
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either /ice /or /asty;
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either /ice /or /asty
4o < really want this or am < pleasing someone else%
$hat is the "ene&it to me o& saying Myes)%
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ur Steps (o Saying /o;
.isten to the re:uest - >ake sure you understand the re:uest
completely "e&ore coming to a hasty conclusion. Clari&y i& needed.
Say no immediately - ou do not need to #usti&y your decision.
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4o /ot @eel
shy. >ost
people hesitate
to say /!.
Start your
sentence with
a /!
6se an
empathetic
response.
Ask time to
(hink it over;
Stay resolved
not let "eing
pushed over.
actical (ips &or Saying /!;
/ever say es
when you want
to say else you
will resent and
repent what
you agreed to
do.
@ust Say NO
When #ou
Want TO
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ody language while saying /!
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ody language while saying /!
Shake your
head no;
when yousay /!.
/ever smile
when saying
/!' it weakensthe message.
Avoid nods
and Aha s
when a"outto say /!.
Stand up i&
other person
is up to make
level eye
contact while
saying /!.
=reempt your /!
when you sense
un#usti&ied
"urden
is heading
your way.
Practical Ti&s for everyone
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er Assertive $ords
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er Assertive $ords
Thank #ouM(hank you) is an interesting
phrase. $e are "rought up
to say Mplease) when we want
something. ut' i& we say
Mplease) we are asking the
person &or something..
(he Mthank you) "ecomes assumptive.
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er Assertive $ords
,f
(he con#unction Mi&) is eceptionally
power&ul when you want to make a
concession or give something away.
(he Mi&) acts as a piece o& elastic with
which you can pull "ack the concession'
i& you don)t get what you want.
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ther Assertive $ords
When
(his is another con#unction which is the
same as i&) when you make it conditional.
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art ofSaying NO
Assertivenessfor Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan fora Ne" Assertive
#ou
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Assertiveness Skills &or etter
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)enuine
Assertive7
NonAggressiv
e
WellThought
out
0act
%asedRespec
tul
Assertiveness Skills &or etter
Communication
Ele!ents of
Effective
o!!unication
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/on ?er"al Aspects o&
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pAssertiveness
Eye ontact
-=assive uses
very little
-Aggressive
never drops
eye contact
-Assertiveperson uses
a"out F0 T o&
the time
Voice one
-/on Assertive
N (oo So&t'
7ard to hear
-AggressiveN
(oo oud
-AssertiveNe&&ective tone
modulation
Posture
-=assiveN @old
in themselves
and make
small &idgets.
-AggressiveN
Con&ront andstand up.
AssertiveN
Stand up tall
straight.
Position and
S&ace
-9espect
keeping on the
same level.
-Sit down i& the
other is.
-Stand upwhen the other
is.
-keep arms
distance
0acial
E$&ression
-@ace should
re&lect the
emotion "eing
epressed.
-< am Angry;
needs seriousepression.
4elighted;
needs a happy
epression
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on ?er"al Assertiveness
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on ?er"al Assertiveness)estures.
Notice these )estures "hile interacting
7ands on hipsN Aggressive
/odding head N es
=ointing with a pen in aaggressive gesture
=ointing with a pen in a
aggressive gesture
Clinching &ist
Shaking 7ead N /!Copyright 2008 - 2012
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r"al Assertive
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ommunication
/estate!entN
Say "ack to the pother
person what you have
heard him or her say.
/eflection.
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Communication
Soft
Assertion
(his is a kind o&
statement that
does not re:uire
anything o& the
listener.
- A (-Shirt with
Save $hales;
written on it doesnot demand any
action &rom you "ut
lets you know the
stand o& the person
wearing it.
Basic
Assertion
(his is more o& a
simple statement
conveying what you
want out o& a
situation. Simplicity
remains the key to
this kind o&
assertion.- < don)t want to go
to the movie this
weekend;
E!&athetic
Assertion
(his is the most
e&&ective type o&
assertion one can
make.
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p g p y y/egative Assertion
A negative assertion is essentially acce&ting the res&onsi%ility
of a !istake that has %een co!!itted8
$hen Leorge
$ashington
said
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earning !"#ectives
What is
AssertivenessThe Need for
Assertiveness
Understanding
Behavior PatternsSelf Evaluation
Skills for
Assertiveness
Art ofSaying NO
Assertivenessfor Effective
o!!unication
Action Plan fora Ne" Assertive
#ou
Copyright 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. All
10 Step Action =lan
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:B
Ste& :. (aintain /ecord >aintain a log o& all your
a&&irmations' goals'
am"itions' rights'
achievements etc 9ead and update this
record re ularl .
Ste& ; . ,ns&iration for!
,dols 9ead up on all your heroes U
idols. >ake a list o& values'
a&&irmations and attitudes to
ins ire ou to &ollow.
Ste&
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!eAsserti
ve