“Are you a real man?”

“Of course I am, baby. Was there any doubt?”

“Then you have to treat me with respect. That means no name calling, no pushing me around, and I’m not sure I like you calling me ‘baby.’ I hardly know you.”

What is Relationship What is Relationship Aggression?Aggression?

Domestic Violence/AbuseDomestic Violence/Abuse Dating Violence/AbuseDating Violence/Abuse Physical, Sexual, PsychologicalPhysical, Sexual, Psychological

Physical: hitting, kicking, punching, Physical: hitting, kicking, punching, slapping, using physical forceslapping, using physical force

Who does it?Who does it? Perpetrator and Perpetrator and

victim can be either victim can be either male or femalemale or female

Most common Most common scenario is male scenario is male perpetrator and perpetrator and female victimfemale victim

This activity will use a This activity will use a male perpetrator and male perpetrator and female victim in its female victim in its examples, but examples, but remember, either sex remember, either sex can take on either rolecan take on either role

Victi

m

Victi

m

Bystand

er

Perp

Perp

““She started it.”She started it.”

Society tends to Society tends to overlook it if the overlook it if the female started the female started the violence. We focus violence. We focus on the male’s on the male’s actionsactions

You will get in You will get in trouble if you let it trouble if you let it escalateescalate

It doesn’t matter. You have

to stop it.

““She deserved it.”She deserved it.”

“C’mon man! No one deserves to be the victim

of violence.”

““I didn’t do it.”I didn’t do it.”

Look at why the Look at why the claim is being claim is being made made

People have People have different different definitions of definitions of violenceviolence

If she thinks what If she thinks what your doing is your doing is violent, don’t do itviolent, don’t do it

Yes you did

The Cycle of ViolenceThe Cycle of Violence

ExplosionExplosion

Tension Tension BuildingBuilding

Remission or Remission or HoneymoonHoneymoon

Stage 1: Tension Stage 1: Tension BuildingBuilding

Tension builds Tension builds around victimaround victim

Arguing, blaming, Arguing, blaming, anger toward anger toward victimvictim

Victim tries to Victim tries to please aggressorplease aggressor

Stage 2: ExplosionStage 2: Explosion

Event of severe Event of severe violenceviolence

Built-up stress and Built-up stress and tension eliminatedtension eliminated

Victim blames selfVictim blames self

Stage 3: Remission or Stage 3: Remission or HoneymoonHoneymoon

Aggressor Aggressor supports victimsupports victim

Aggressor offers Aggressor offers justifications and justifications and apologiesapologies

Shortens in length Shortens in length over time, and may over time, and may eventually eventually disappeardisappear

Reflection: Tension-Reflection: Tension-BuildingBuilding

Think about how tension built up Think about how tension built up before violence happenedbefore violence happened

What was happening?What was happening? What were you feeling?What were you feeling?

Reflection: ExplosionReflection: Explosion

Think about the explosionThink about the explosion What happened?What happened? How did you feel?How did you feel?

Reflection: HoneymoonReflection: Honeymoon

Think about the honeymoon period Think about the honeymoon period that came after the explosionthat came after the explosion

How did you act during How did you act during this stage?this stage?

How did you feel?How did you feel? How long did the How long did the

honeymoon last?honeymoon last?

Reflection: The CycleReflection: The Cycle

Did the cycle repeat itself?Did the cycle repeat itself?

What is violence?What is violence?

Violence in your PastViolence in your Past

What were you What were you taught about taught about violence as you grew violence as you grew up?up?

What were models What were models of violence that you of violence that you grew up with?grew up with?

You still have to You still have to accept responsibility accept responsibility for your own for your own actions.actions.

Your Personal StrengthsYour Personal Strengths

What are your strengths? What are What are your strengths? What are you good at?you good at?

Use your strengths to help deal with Use your strengths to help deal with situations that could potentially turn situations that could potentially turn violentviolent

Your Plan for Keeping a Your Plan for Keeping a Cool HeadCool Head

Plan to help avoid using violence in Plan to help avoid using violence in the futurethe future

Complete “My Plan for Keeping a Complete “My Plan for Keeping a Cool Head” worksheetCool Head” worksheet

Step 1: Identify Warning Step 1: Identify Warning SignsSigns

Breathing hardBreathing hard Increased heart rateIncreased heart rate Tunnel visionTunnel vision Repetitive movements (like tapping)Repetitive movements (like tapping) Trouble focusing on environmentTrouble focusing on environment Voice changesVoice changes SweatingSweating Shaking or tremblingShaking or trembling Clenched jawClenched jaw

Step 2: Things to Tell Step 2: Things to Tell MyselfMyself

Write down some of your personal Write down some of your personal strengths from the worksheetstrengths from the worksheet

Use these to help you avoid using Use these to help you avoid using violence in the futureviolence in the future

Step 3: Avoiding ViolenceStep 3: Avoiding Violence Walk awayWalk away Take a deep breathTake a deep breath Take a break from the relationshipTake a break from the relationship Listen to musicListen to music Take a napTake a nap Talk to somebodyTalk to somebody Read a bookRead a book Have something to eatHave something to eat Watch TV or a movieWatch TV or a movie

Step 4: People I can Talk Step 4: People I can Talk ToTo

TeachersTeachers Family membersFamily members MentorsMentors Religious leadersReligious leaders FriendsFriends NeighborsNeighbors CounselorsCounselors Specific names of Specific names of

peoplepeople

Your Finished Crisis Your Finished Crisis Prevention PlanPrevention Plan

What will you do What will you do with this?with this?

Where will you Where will you keep it?keep it?

What are you going to What are you going to do?do?

ReferencesReferences Ozark Guidance, (n.d.). Ozark Guidance, (n.d.). Anger management: Anger management:

Recognizing anger signs.Recognizing anger signs. Retrieved January 19, Retrieved January 19, 2008, from 2008, from http://www.ozarkguidance.org/poc/view_doc.php?http://www.ozarkguidance.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5812&cn=116.type=doc&id=5812&cn=116.

Domestic Violence Intervention Center, (n.d.). Domestic Violence Intervention Center, (n.d.). The The cycle of violencecycle of violence. Retrieved December 21, 2007, . Retrieved December 21, 2007, from http://www.dvic.org/Cycle-of-Violence.php.from http://www.dvic.org/Cycle-of-Violence.php.

Murray, Christine E. & Kardatzke, Kerrie N. (2007). Murray, Christine E. & Kardatzke, Kerrie N. (2007). Dating violence among college students: Key issues Dating violence among college students: Key issues for college counselors. for college counselors. Journal of College Journal of College Counseling, 10Counseling, 10, 79-89., 79-89.

Seligman, Martin E. P. (2002). Seligman, Martin E. P. (2002). Authentic happiness: Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment.potential for lasting fulfillment. New York: Free New York: Free PressPress