Apples and Oranges 10-12-12_final

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APPLES AND ORANGES

by

Alfred Uhry

As of 10/12/12 - FINAL version w/ updated pagination



MARIE

Yesterday I was waiting for the bus on Lexington Avenue and I noticed everybody was

looking up. So I did, too, and there was this big banner floating behind a little plane. I

don’t know what it was advertising, but it said in huge letters WHO ARE YOU? Who are

you? And I thought, immediately, I’m Carl’s sister. Not I’m Ernie’s wife. Not I’m

Casey’s mother. Not even I’m Marie Brenner. No. After everything that’s happened andall he put me through, that’s still how I see myself. Carl’s sister - like it was stamped on

my birth certificate. We had an adversarial relationship, my brother and me. That’s putting

it mildly. Our first encounter occurred when I was a new born brought home from the

hospital. Carl threw me out of a window.

CARL

First of all it was a screen porch. And second, I simply set you down on the grass.

MARIE

How do you know what you did? You were two years old.

CARL

I have total recall.

MARIE

Mama said you threw me.

CARL

Mama exaggerated everything. She was a drama queen. That's where you get it from.

MARIE

(to us)

Carl was good at those little jabs. He always managed to make me feel like a gate crasher

in my own family.

CARL

Oh please! It was always about you. The whole damn house was about you. Be sweet to

your baby sister. Come to Marie's tap dance recital. Drop off Marie at cheer leading

practice.

MARIE

You were so jealous of me being a cheerleader.

CARL

Right. I loved all that squealing and jumping up and down. And you were so graceful at

it! Like those hippopotamuses trying to do ballet in Fantasia.

1.



MARIE

I did not look like a hippopotamus. I was just a little plump.

CARL

A little?

MARIE

At least I did something extracurricular.

CARL

I joined the John Birch Society when I was fifteen.

MARIE

Yes you did.

CARL

And I was the first junior member of the NRA in San Antonio.

MARIE

That should give you an idea of how connected we were. Carl's interests were riflery and

the Wagnerian Ring Cycle. Mine were potato chips and The Beach Boys. Mama called us

apples and oranges. As adults, for a number of years, he lived in the middle of

Washington State and I lived on the East Side of Manhattan - in other words as far away

from each other as we could get in the continental United States. But we did communicate.

CARL

(on the phone)

Where will you be Friday between noon and two?

MARIE

I don't know.

CARL

You have to be at home. Promise you'll be at home.

MARIEWhy?

CARL

The fruit is coming. It has to be refrigerated immediately.

MARIE

Why?

2.



CARL

Because we're not talking about that garbage that passes for fruit you and your fancy

friends spend a fortune on at Eli Zabar's. These are Arirang Pears, two dozen precious

Arirang pears. I picked them myself.

MARIEThank you.

CARL

Don't give any away. And don't let anybody try to cook any of them.

MARIE

What am I going to do with twenty-four pears?

CARL

Savor them - like caviar.

MARIE

Right.

CARL

Let me know the minute they arrive. Examine each piece of fruit before you put it in the

refrigerator. And keep the slip in case I have to demand a refund from UPS.

MARIE

Jesus!

CARL

Don't take our Lord's name in vain.

MARIE

We're Jewish, Carl.

CARL

Speak for yourself.

MARIEWe don't have one drop of anything but Jewish blood.

CARL

Neither did Lord Jesus.

3.



MARIE

You're impossible!

(to us)

But he was kind of right. We come from a long line of German Jews who settled in San

Antonio, Texas a hundred years ago. The Brenners were non-observant, to say the least.The only icons in our house were pinatas. Which were strung up and bashed for every

family occasion. When forms asked for my religion, I was always tempted to write down

Tex Mex. It's probably no coincidence that we got as far away from San Antonio as we

could. Albeit in different directions. But now and then, when our parents were still alive,

we'd go home at the same time for some occasion or other.

CARL

I read the thing in Vanity Fair.

MARIE

(to us)

The first investigative piece of mine they published. It was about Whitewater. I was very

proud of it.

CARL

Not bad.

MARIE

Thank you.

CARL

I made some comments.

MARIE

(to us)

And he handed me a copy of the article, road mapped with red pencil on every page.

(to him)

For God's sake, Carl!

CARL

You're my sister. You bear my name. You represent the family. I don't want people

thinking we're uninformed.

MARIE

What the hell are you talking about?

4.



CARL

Well. On page 4, you credit some remark to 'a source close to the vice president'. That's

sloppy.

MARIE

It was told to me off the record.

CARL

Well it sounds like baloney. Like you're just quoting yourself and want it to sound

important. You can do better than that.

MARIE

(to us)

That was Carl's version of a compliment.

After Mama and Daddy died, we rarely saw each other. I certainly didn't go to Washington

state and Carl stayed away from New York. Mostly.

CARL

(on the phone)

Where are you and Ernie having Thanksgiving?

MARIE

Why?

CARL

I may be coming in.

MARIE

Why would you do that?

CARL

Because Amanda wants to come.

MARIE

(to us)

There was always an Amanda. Or a Bettina. Or something. There were always women in

his life. Always. When I was in junior high school my friends begged to spend the night at

our house because they might just catch Carl in a towel on his way to the shower.

Unfortunately it didn't work both ways.

5.



None of his friends were remotely interested in me. But whether I liked it or not, Carl was

a chick magnet. Unfortunately his taste was usually terrible.

CARL

And go shopping with her. Amanda likes stores.

MARIE

Look, Carl, I'm really busy right now.

CARL

Doing what?

MARIE

I have to turn in another draft of the tobacco industry book before Christmas because all of

a sudden there's movie interest in it and we're having two of the bathrooms regrouted and

Casey is applying to colleges and I don't have time for your bullshit.

CARL

It's not like Thanksgiving is a big hassle for you. You buy everything.

MARIE

So why do you want to come?

CARL

I don't. Amanda does. And she makes killer candied sweet potatoes.

MARIE

I hate candied sweet potatoes.

CARL

You hate any food that isn't delivered to your house by an illegal alien. Mama was a

wonderful cook. Didn't she teach you anything?

MARIE

She taught me to get the hell away from you as fast as I could.

CARL

I think we'll fly in the weekend before. Get us some ballet tickets, okay? Amanda used to

be a ballerina. I'll pay you back.

MARIE

(to us)

Well, she walked like a ballerina. I'll give her that - on the balls of her feet with the toes

slightly pointed out.

6.



And she draped herself in shawls all the time, even when she was leaning over the stove.

But Carl was right. Amanda was a great cook. My daughter Casey loved the sweet

potatoes. Amanda taught her how to make them and we've had them every year since. It

was her last Thanksgiving at home before she went off to college.

CARLWhere is Casey going again?

MARIE

We're hoping for early decision at Brown. But there's also Beloit and Oberlin. And we

have three good safeties.

CARL

We? Are you going too?

MARIEAnd how many children have you prepared for going to college?

CARL

What does that have to do with it?

MARIE

You don't know what you're talking about.

CARL

Oh, I think I do. You're just clutching at those mama straws because you don't want her to

go away and leave you with nothing to do.

MARIE

I have plenty to do, thank you.

CARL

Undergraduate doesn't matter anyway. Casey should just go somewhere like Cornell

Agricultural School after college. She needs to learn to be a farmer if she’s going into the

family business.

MARIE Now who's clutching? Who said she was going into the fruit business?

CARL

There is one lesson that is the most important. You have to learn to dig in the dirt. That's

what running orchards is about. How to dig.

7.



MARIE

Casey doesn't want to run an orchard.

CARL

It’s in her blood.

MARIE

Oh please!

CARL

I was in my thirties before I saw the light. Any sweet potatoes left?

MARIE

(to us)

The weekend was interminable.

CARL

I'm going for a run in the park. Anybody want to join?

MARIE

(to us)

And off he went. For hours. Amanda Ballerina drifted around the house in her shawls,

waiting for him to return. One time I came in on them slow dancing around my living

room, tightly pressed together. They didn't even know I was there.

(to Carl)I wish you wouldn't do that.

CARL

You mean dance?

MARIE

I mean like that. It looks trashy. And it gives the wrong idea to Casey.

CARL

What? That men and women like to touch each other?

MARIE

It's suggestive.

CARL

You and Ernie never dance?

8.



MARIE

Not like that.

CARL

I believe it.

MARIE

Lay off, okay?

(to us)

Finally, when they were leaving for JFK, Carl took me aside.

CARL

I haven't told you the real reason I came to New York.

MARIE

What is it? He handed me a letter.

CARL

It will explain everything.

MARIE

Just tell me.

CARL

There isn't time.

MARIEYou've been here over a week!

CARL

The moment wasn't right.

MARIE

Just tell me, for Christ's sake!

CARL

Watch your mouth. And don't say anything to Ernie.

MARIE

(to us)

Letters from Carl were usually toxic. This letter was neatly typed, as all Carl’s

communications tended to be. He’d written it before he came. He’d never intended to tell

me face to face.

9.



CARL

Dear Marie,

I have a lot to tell you. I have put it in writing so you could absorb it quietly. You might

be able to save my life. You always say you're good at investigating things and I have a

disease that needs investigating. If I limit myself to what the FDA has approved, I could be dead in a year - or sooner. But a drug in a clinical trial may keep me alive and fully

active for some time. And a cure could be discovered in the interim. That's the reality,

Marie. I don't want anybody else to hear about this until I am ready to tell them. When I

am ready to disclose it to Casey, or Ernie or anybody else is for me to decide. I strongly

implore you to honor my request 100 percent. You don't have to participate if you don't

want to. Your brother, Carl Brenner.

MARIE

I was in the middle of doing a piece on the tobacco industry and I had an appointment the

next day in Washington with a disgruntled R J Reynolds employee who was ready to talk.

And he talked all right, but I couldn't concentrate. So I went to the ladies room and called

my brother.

CARL

(on the phone)

Carl Brenner.

MARIE

(on the phone)What is all this, Carl?

CARL

Adenocarcinoma.

MARIE

What?

CARL

You heard me.

MARIE

That sounds like some kind of cancer.

CARL

Lung.

10.



MARIE

But you don't smoke. You never smoked.

CARL

You did.

MARIE

You're saying I gave you lung cancer?

CARL

Stop thinking about yourself.

MARIE

How could you possibly have lung cancer?

CARL

That's not the point. The point is I have it.

MARIE

Are you sure? I mean did you see an oncologist? And what kind of oncologist do they

have in Wenatchee, Washington anyway? You're in great shape, Carl. Your color is good.

You eat like a horse. You have more energy than anybody I know. You've been

misdiagnosed, ok?

CARL

I am terminating this conversation.

MARIE

(to us)

And he hung up on me. I called him back.

CARL

(answering machine)

This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct

message.

MARIEHe didn't pick up. And he didn't return either. This went on for a while. It is in our DNA

to be easily wounded.

11.



CARL

(answering machine)


message.

MARIE

(on the phone)

Come on, Carl. You're being such an asshole. How can I possibly do anything for you if

you don't talk to me?

CARL


message.

MARIE

(to us)

Since I was thirteen I have always had a note pad with me in case I felt the urge to write

something down. A born journalist. I am a collector of information - a solver of problems.

And all I was getting from Carl was silence.

(to Carl)

What do I have to do to get you to talk to me? Come to Wenatchee Washington or

wherever it is you live?

(to us)

And this time he picked up.

CARL

No fancy clothes, all right? None of your women's lib get-ups. People don't dress like you

do here. Don't stand out. Don't embarrass me. Don't tell anybody on the plane that you're

my sister. Don't even mention my name.

MARIE

(to us)

And there I was, headed for a place in apple country I had trouble finding on the map. On

the plane I was thinking about the day apples entered our lives. It was at Christmas dinner

in San Antonio the year Casey was born.

CARL

I'm moving to Washington.

12.



MARIE

Oh my God! Did you take a job with the administration? That's so exciting!

CARL

Not that Washington - Washington state.

MARIE

For what?

CARL

Apples.

MARIE

You can't get good ones here?

CARL

Not apples to eat. Apples to grow.

MARIE

Why would you do that?

CARL

Guess what, Marie? There's a whole world outside of those dress magazines you work

for.

MARIE

Vanity Fair is not a dress magazine!

CARL

There are real people in real towns doing real work. Not muckrakers like you and parasites

like me. I want to get my hands dirty and work up a healthy sweat. And I want to

contribute something real for a change - no double talk, no spin. Just plain good fruit. I'm

shutting down my law practice. I'm putting my house up for rent. And I've made an offer

on a couple of orchards.

MARIE

Jews don't farm, Carl. Who do you think you are? Johnny Applestien?

CARL

Is that supposed to be funny?

13.



MARIE

(to us)

And off he went to Washington state. The details of his apple ventures remained pretty

much a mystery, except to Ernie. Odd, when you consider that Carl and Ernie had almost

nothing to do with each other, but Ernie was a money manager by profession and Carltrusted him.

CARL

Family takes care of family. Daddy taught me that.

MARIE

(to us)

Whenever I snooped around to find out what was what, Ernie would say ‘Your brother is

doing fine. Stay out of it.’ Ernie’s great at his job.

When the plane landed in Wenatchee, Carl was waiting for me in the parking lot, leaningagainst his pick-up truck.

He was wearing jeans, an old sheepskin coat, boots, Marlboro Man regalia minus the

cigarette.

CARL

Welcome to real America.

MARIE

Don't start that bullshit.

CARL

Watch your mouth.

MARIE

Bullshit.

CARL

OK, Marie. Hop up. What's the matter? What happened to your Texas? You forget how

to get in a pickup?

MARIE

My pants are a little tight.

(to us)

And he held out his hand and pulled me up beside him. It was strange to hold his hand. I

couldn't remember ever doing it before.

14.



He drove into Wenatchee and pulled into a motel, The Hawthorne Inn, which was

sandwiched between a Midas Muffler Shop and a hamburger stand called Dusty's.

CARL

I got you a room here.

MARIE

Thank you.

CARL

It took some doing.

MARIE

I'm sure. Isn't this where you used to stay when you first came out here?

CARL

I still do.

MARIE

What? I thought you had an apartment.

CARL

Why would I do that?

MARIE

I don't know. Most people would find it a little cramped living in a motel room.

CARLI'm not most people.

MARIE

Carl, you made a lot of money all those years you practiced law. Surely you could have

bought yourself a house or something.

CARL

I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. Nobody puts on airs in apple country.

MARIE

(to us)

Certainly nobody put on airs at the Hawthorne Inn.

(to Carl)

What's that smell?

15.



CARL

Chlorine. There's a swimming pool on the lower level. I hope you brought your suit.

MARIE

I didn't.

CARL

Maybe we can pick one up for you. They sell women's clothes in the back of the hardware

store.

MARIE

Great.

CARL

Your room's right across from the swimming pool.

MARIE

(to us)

Where the eau de chlorine perfume was ten times stronger, and there was a great view of

the Midas Muffler parking lot. Carl's view wasn't much better, except you could see the

Cascade Mountains from his window poking up in the distance beyond the railroad tracks.

(to Carl)

I can't believe you actually live here.

CARLWhy? What else do I need?

MARIE

Well, a closet might be nice.

CARL

Closets are a waste of space. I can keep an eye on everything all the time.

MARIE

(to us)

And he could. All his clothes - shirts, sweaters, underwear, socks and the like - were

stacked in color coded piles. His shoes, brilliantly shined, were arranged in shoe treed

pairs under the window. Every inch of the room was crammed with his belongings - all in

perfect order. It was weird.

16.



CARL

Come on. I'll take you out to dinner.

MARIE

It's not even five o'clock.

CARL

We'll grab the Early Bird Special.

MARIE

(to us)

There were no other cars when we pulled into the Windmill parking lot.

MARIE

(to Carl)Are you sure they're open?

(he gives her a classic Carl dirty look)

CARL

Hey, Blanca, how are you tonight? I'll have the Caesar salad, the sirloin medium rare, a

baked potato with sour cream and butter and chocolate cream pie.

MARIE

The salmon, please, and a salad with oil and vinegar dressing on the side. And coffee. No

dessert.

CARL

Bring her a good slab of raspberry meringue pie. We're gonna teach her to eat like normal

people.

(she takes out her notebook)

What are you doing?

MARIE

Making notes.

CARL

Why?

MARIE

So I'll remember. I don't take pictures.

17.



CARL

It's annoying as hell. Like you're spying on everybody.

MARIE

You are so paranoid.

(to us)

I watched my brother put away all that food. What kind of cancer could possibly give

someone that much appetite? The meringue on my mammoth hunk of pink pie stood at

least four inches high.

CARL

Ever see anything like that? You oughta' send Eli Zabar out here to learn how to cook.

MARIE

(to us)He devoured all of his pie and most of mine. Then the check came.

CARL

Look here, Blanca. We get the Early Bird rate, which is 10 percent off, but you charged

full price for her glass of wine.

(pause)

Well, then it oughta say right on the menu that the charge for alcoholic beverage is full price

at all times. You need to take 70 cents off this bill.

(to Marie)You can't be careful enough.

MARIE

His version of taking me out to dinner was splitting the check down the middle, except, of

course I had to pay for that wine. And he left a tip you could hardly see. I added to it.

CARL

Why do you always want to spend so much money? What are you trying to prove?

MARIE

(to us)

What a good time I was having! We drove back to the Hawthorne in silence.

CARL

Wheels up at five thirty.

18.



MARIE

Why 5:30?

CARL

Early start. That's how it's done out here. Good night.

MARIE

Carl, wait! I need to talk to you.

CARL

About what?

MARIE

What do you think? The cancer.

CARL

Adenocarcinoma. I told you.

MARIE

You don't have any symptoms.

CARL

How would you know?

MARIE

You don't act sick.

CARLWell, I am.

MARIE

I don't get it.

CARL

Good night.

MARIE

Wait a minute! God Damn it, Carl!

CARL

Shhhh!

MARIE

Do you realize that I have spent nine hundred dollars to fly out here? I have abandoned,

my work and my child and my husband because you asked for my help. You could at least

talk to me, Carl.

19.



CARL

Come to my room.

MARIE

(to us)And I did.

He pulled out some manila envelopes.

CARL

I'll tell you what they say. The first one is from the Wenatchee Clinic a year ago.

MARIE

You’ve known about this for a year?

CARLHush. And listen. 'Patient complains of persistent cough.' And the blue one - Seattle

Metropolitan Hospital in March. 'lung biopsy recommended'. And stapled to it are the

results. Brenner, Carl. Male, Caucasian. Adenocarcinoma. Patient is not a smoker but has

smoke damage from his military service. '

MARIE

What military service?

CARL

The National Guard.

MARIE

You only went weekends. How could you get smoke damage?

CARL

Search and rescue training sessions. How to save people in fires. And that other one is

from the oncologist in San Francisco. 'Confirming prior diagnosis. Adenocarcinoma. And

then the last one ------

MARIE

Why don't you sue the army?

CARL

Can't prove anything.

MARIE

I bet you could if you had the right lawyer.

20.



CARL

I am a lawyer, remember.

MARIE

I know, but I happened to read this article last year on military law suits and apparently

there are whole firms who do nothing but ------

CARL

I'm way ahead of you. This is not helpful, Marie. Stop.

MARIE

But -----weekend search and rescue missions, for God's sake. It's just so random! Out of

nowhere! It doesn't make any sense. I don't believe it!

CARL

Yes you do.

(she starts to cry)

CARL

That isn't helpful either, Marie.

MARIE

I know. I'm sorry. I can’t help it.

CARL

Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.

MARIE

(to us)

Sleep? Not a chance. I just lay there on that sagging mattress flipping through the rolodex

my mind had turned into. Who did I know? Where do I start? I made mental lists. Right!

Right! Yes! I was off and running. At 5:30 am I was in the lobby when Carl appeared.

CARL

Sleep well?

MARIE

Are you kidding? Okay. I think the first thing we need to do is get back to New York and

have you looked over at Sloan-Kettering. Agreed?

CARL

No. I think the first thing we need to do is have breakfast.

21.



MARIE

And he steered me across Wenatchee Avenue to the Big Y Diner, which was buzzing, even

at that ungodly hour.

CARL

Orchard men.

MARIE

Ah.

CARL

Morning, Vernon. Hey, Joe. Vikings are gonna get their ass whipped on Sunday. (a

reply) Yeah, but look at the point spread. (another reply) Unh Hunh. We'll see about that.

Hiya Wilma. I'll have the farmer's special.

MARIEI'll have coffee, please, and dry toast.

CARL

Hell with that. Bring her the big boy cinnamon bun. They’re famous here.

MARIE

(to us)

The farmer's special was a sausage cheese and ham omelet the size of a snowshoe. Carl

wolfed it down. I picked at my mountain of sugar and raisins.

CARL

Write down this is the best damn breakfast you ever had.

MARIE

I just remembered. One of Ernie’s partner’s sisters is married to Milton Rosenberg. He’s

the Chief of Cardiology at University Hospital and he’s ---

CARL

My heart is fine.

MARIE

Right, but all these guys know each other and I’ve always heard good things about the

oncology people at University, so maybe that’s where we should schedule the ---

CARL

Shhh! Not here. Let’s get a wiggle on.

22.



MARIE

Where are we going?

CARL

I'm going to give you a test.

MARIE

Oh God!

(to us)

That was a recurrent theme from our childhood. He hadn't pulled this one in years.

CARL

I'm going to give you a test.

MARIE

(to us)

Always designed to make me look like an ignoramus.

CARL

What is the square root of 87?

MARIE

Carl!

(to us)Or

CARL

What are the three longest rivers in the world?

MARIE

Who cares?

CARL

This is important, Marie. You need to live in the world around you.

MARIE

I do live in the world around me. I'm an investigative journalist.

CARL

So you say.

23.



MARIE

Test about what?

CARL

Get in the truck.

MARIE

Where are we going?

CARL

Cashmere.

MARIE

You're taking me shopping?

CARL

Cashmere is a town.

MARIE

(to us)

And so it was. High up in the Cascades.

(to Carl)

What is all this?

CARLWhat does it look like?

MARIE

Dead trees.

CARL

Wrong.

MARIE

Then what?

CARL

Dormant orchards.

MARIE

Was that the test?

24.



CARL

No.

MARIE

(to us)And he stopped at a roadside market.

CARL

Wait in the truck.

MARIE

What the hell is all this, Carl?

CARL

Wait in the truck.

MARIE

(to us)

He was back in five minutes.

(to Carl)

What's in the bag?

CARL

Why do you always have to know everything?

MARIE

(to us)

And we drove. Up and up and up. Off the road and through an orchard. Up some more.

CARL

Ok. Get out.

MARIEMy God!

CARL

Yeah.

25.



MARIE

This is magnificent.

(to us)

It was staggering. Steep green hills rolling down to sparkling blue Lake Chelan and the

snow capped Cascades rising majestically on the other side. It could’ve been the Alps.Julie Andrews and little Von Trapps could’ve come yodeling out of the woods.

(to Carl)

Jesus Christ!

CARL

Don't talk like that.

MARIE

(to us)And I followed him on foot to the top of the hill.

(to Carl)

Does all of this land belong to you?

CARL

Not Lake Chelan down there. Not the mountains on the other side. But everything else

you can see.

MARIE

It would make a great resort.

CARL

Bite your tongue.

MARIE

He took apples out of the bag.

CARL

Your test.

MARIEHe cut a slice from each apple.

CARL

Which one is the best?

(she starts tasting)

Don't gobble. Taste.

26.



MARIE

An apple is an apple.

CARL

Pretend you're at one of your Park Avenue wine tastings. Savor.

MARIE

I’ll try.

CARL

Don't rush it. Check the sweet factor. The tart factor. The crisp factor. And don't forget

the liquidity.

MARIE

You're making me nervous.

CARLCome on, Marie.

MARIE

I don't know. They’re just apples.

CARL

You mean they're all the same?

MARIE

Pretty much.

CARL

So you pick none of them.

MARIE

I guess.

CARL

What if I tell you that all of them - the Jonagold, the Gala, the Braeburn, the Spitzenberg

and the Fuji come from this orchard?

MARIEOk. I flunked your damn test. Sorry.

CARL

For what?

MARIE

I dissed your whole orchard.

27.



CARL

Yes! And you're right!

MARIE

I am?

CARL

100 percent! Thank you!

MARIE

You are so weird, Carl!

CARL

I'm going to rip out every one of these trees.

MARIE

They aren't that bad!

CARL

They're not that good either. But I know one that is.

MARIE

Why didn't you have me taste that one?

CARL

Because they don't grow here. Yet. The name is Honey Crisp - tart, sweet, juicy, good

keeper - everything. I've been following them for a while. Guy in Minnesota developed

them by mistake. Lucky bastard was trying to cultivate another variety and one of the freakoffshoots produced this.

MARIE

So why don’t they grow here?

CARL

They can be hell to cultivate. Sandy soil up here may not accept 'em. They're thin skinned,

too. The stems are short so the pickers have to use very little shears to get them off the

trees. And they can develop bitter pit.

MARIEWhat's bitter pit?

CARL

When the skin of the fruit gets bumps all over - kind of like apple acne.

It's a helluva gamble.

28.



MARIE

(to us)

He had never spoken about any of his women like this. He was a man in love.

CARLThe apple game can be a bitch, you know. Tastes change on a dime. Take your Red

Delicious. America's favorite for years. Then the market bottomed out. Nobody knows

why. Now those damn Grannies from New Zealand are the rage. Honey Crisp is next. I

know it. And I can be ahead of the curve. If I live long enough.

MARIE

Of course you’ll live long enough. I’m going to get you to the best doctors in New York.

CARL

No! No more doctors! I’ve been up to here with doctors for the last thirteen months and

they all say the same thing. I need something else. That’s where you come in.

Keep an eye out for trials that may be coming up. You're good at sticking your nose in

everybody's business.

MARIE

Thanks a lot.

CARL

I’m sure I'm a good candidate for anything out there. They caught it early and I'm in

reasonable shape. I've had almost no deterioration.

MARIE

You certainly haven’t.

CARL

Don't mention my name. Just say you're researching an article. And don't shoot your

mouth off about me to all your fancy girlfriends. You know how much trouble you

have keeping secrets.

MARIE

You asked me not to say anything to Ernie and Casey and I haven’t.

CARL

Well hell. Tell ‘em. But don’t hoke it up. You know what a drama queen you are.

29.



MARIE

That’s not so!

(to us)

But it kind of was. We got in the truck and drove back to Wenatchee. Carl pulled up at the

airport.

(to Carl)

I'm not leaving until tomorrow.

CARL

I'm picking up a friend.

MARIE

What friend?

CARL

Annabel.

MARIE

You're bringing her up here?

CARL

What's wrong with Annabel?

MARIE

Nothing. Where does she get those earrings?

CARL

You never like my friends.

MARIE

I didn't say I don't like her. I said she wears grotesque earrings.

CARL

Maybe that's the style in the movie business.

MARIE

(to us)

Annabel was an agent or something.

CARL

Annabel appreciates the real America when she sees it. She loves it up here.

30.



MARIE

Good for her. I need to call New York.

CARL

Why?

MARIE

To see if I got the go ahead on the piece about Meryl Streep.

CARL

That woman is the devil incarnate. You can't write about her.

MARIE

Why not?

CARL

She ruined the apple business.

MARIE

What are you talking about?

CARL

Meryl Streep went on Sixty Minutes and said that all the apples in Washington State were

being sprayed with alar and that alar was carcinogenic. Every woman in America went

nuts. Nobody bought apples for a year.

MARIEBlame the alar, not Meryl Streep.

CARL

It wasn't true! Alar is perfectly safe. She ruined the apple business.

MARIE

And how many years ago was this?

CARL

I don't know. Ten or fifteen.

MARIE

People seem to be eating plenty of apples now.

CARL

I don't care. She betrayed the good people of Washington state. I forbid you to glorify her.

31.



MARIE

You can't tell me what to write.

CARL

Somebody should. How can you call yourself a journalist when all you do is churn out

puff pieces about airhead movie stars?

MARIE

Meryl Streep is not an airhead. She's a great actress.

CARL

Well, she should stick to saying what's in the script - not shooting her mouth off about

things she doesn't understand.

And you should be ashamed of yourself for promoting that kind of behavior.

MARIE

Thank you, Lord God Almighty. What the hell are you doing out here anyway?

CARL

I'm not turning out garbage for stupid women to gorge on between hair appointments.

MARIE

Take a good look. Here you are sucking up to all these clod hoppers and you know what

they see? A rich Jew trying to make like an apple farmer. They're snickering at you

behind your back. Honey crisps, Jonagolds, Braeburns - who gives a shit? I'll tell you

what to do with all these orchards. Sell 'em! Get rid of them as fast as you can and put the

money and the effort into curing your cancer. Sure I'll help you, but help yourself for

Christ's sake!

CARL

Get out of my truck!

MARIE

Gladly!

(to us)And he drove off to wait for his girlfriend a few hundred yards away. When she came out,

he gave her a big kiss, tossed her bag in the back of his pickup and sped off.

In about twenty minutes he was back. I was deciding whether to acknowledge him or not,

when he climbed out of the truck, tossed my suitcase on the sidewalk and sped off again.

32.



Ernie and Casey were properly sympathetic when I told them. I could tell they both felt

sorry for me, which pissed me off. And what really pissed me off was it was like they'd

both already written Carl off. And I certainly wasn't going to go that route!

I called him.

CARL


message.

MARIE

Hi, Carl. I'm meeting with the chief pulmonary oncologist at Sloan-Kettering next week.

Thought you'd want to know. Oh, and I hear they're opening up a new cancer facility at

Yale New Haven. I hear they're looking for guinea pigs. What do you think?

CARLThis is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct

message.

MARIE

(to us)

Damn him!

(on the phone)

Hi Carl. It's me. Did you get a chance to read that thing in the New England Journal of

Medicine that I sent?

(to us)

No response.

But then a Christmas box of pears came with the usual demented list of instructions. I

called to thank him.

CARL


message.

MARIE

You know what, go to hell! Thank you for the pears.

Eventually the call came.

33.



CARL

What are you doing the weekend of the nineteenth?

MARIE

I don't know.

CARL

I'm coming in. The Met is doing Parsifal.

MARIE

Do I have to go with you?

CARL

That's not funny. Don't make jokes about Wagner.

MARIE

Are you bringing a friend?

CARL

No.

MARIE

(to us)

And he came alone. Did he look pale or was that the drama queen kicking in?

CARLI have something to tell you.

MARIE

What?

CARL

You're going to be an aunt.

MARIE

I'm what?

CARL

Pamela is going to have a baby.

34.



MARIE

Oh My God!

(to us)

Pamela was a lighting designer for regional theatres. She was an unusual combination of

mousey and opinionated. She was pretty, too, except natural light made her squint. I guessit was all that time spent in dark theatres.

(to Carl)

When?

CARL

I don't know.

MARIE

How can you not know?

CARL

Well, she isn't pregnant yet, but we're trying.

MARIE

Pamela's over forty, isn't she?

CARL

I guess.

MARIE

She travels all the time.

CARL

So? She'll take it with her.

MARIE

And what'll you do?

CARL

Be its father. I've always wanted to be a dad.

MARIE No you haven't.

CARL

How would you know?

35.



MARIE

Well, for one thing, you are incapable of holding a conversation for five minutes that isn't

about yourself and, for another, you wouldn't even touch Casey until she was four years

old and even then you acted like she was toxic.

CARLI did not. Anyway, having your own is not the same thing.

MARIE

Does Pamela know about -----

CARL

The cancer? Of course she knows. That's when we decided to go ahead.

MARIE

You told her you have lung cancer and then you decided it was a good time to have a

baby?

CARL

Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how damn smug you sound? Little miss busy busy

with the check list. Big career. Check. Child. Check. Brownstone. Check. Husband.

Check. Check check check. Okay. My life is messier. I screwed up a lot. But I know

why I've done it all and I'm glad I did. And right now seems like the perfect time for me to

be a father. I'd love him. I'd teach him stuff. And I'd know how valuable my time with

him is.

MARIE

You live in a motel. And Pamela's wrapped up in her career. And what if it's a girl?

CARL

Won't be.

MARIE

For the love of God, Carl! Don't do this! It wouldn't be fair to the child. It would be

catastrophic!

CARL

Why? Because I might die?

MARIE

You're not going to die.

36.



CARL

I might. And if I do then I'll leave something behind. It won't just be over. I've thought

about it, Marie. I really have. Maybe I should've done this a long time ago, like you did,

but I didn't. Who knows why? You never liked any of my girlfriends anyway.

MARIEThat's not true. I liked Melanie.

CARL

We were in high school.

MARIE

I liked the one from Mexico City.

CARL

Come on. Pamela's not so bad.

MARIE

Are you two going to get married?

CARL

That hasn't come up.

MARIE

Don't you see how screwed up all this is?

CARL

Why are you always so negative?

MARIE

Fine. Do what you want.

CARL

I will.

MARIE

You always do. Just leave me out of it, okay? Have your damn baby. Have twins. I don't

give a damn, but don't come running to me to take care of it. Because I'm too busy with my

life, as asinine as you think it is. I happen to be very proud of my life and I'm not going tomess it up taking care of some weird, squinting little Carl clone. Do you hear me?

(to us)

He went back to Wentachee that afternoon and he never mentioned a baby again. It was

like the conversation never took place. Did I talk him out of it? Or did they keep trying

and it never happened? I'll never know.

37.



I kept learning more and more about treatments for lung cancer. Did Carl pay any

attention? I'll never know that either. Anyway, he was incommunicado for a long time.

And then one day -- out of the blue --

CARL

I have something to tell you.

MARIE

Really?

CARL

I'm sending Casey a graduation present. Be on the lookout.

MARIE

Let me guess. Apples?

CARL

Wrong.

MARIE

Pears?

CARL

No.

MARIE

What?

CARL

You'll see.

MARIE

A big Carl box arrived a few days later - overflowing with apple jam, apple jelly, apple

chutney, apple conserve, apple muffin mix, and apple granola. Every girl graduate's dream

gift! I told Casey he meant well, and I stood over her while she made the thank you call.

Amazingly he picked up. After a sentence or two he said

CARL

Put your mother on.

MARIE

Hello

38.



CARL

You made her do this.

MARIE

Why do you always think the worst?

CARL

Because when it comes to you, I'm always right.

MARIE

I talked to a thoracic surgeon in Boston and I think it's worth a trip up there to have him

take a look at you. I've sent him all your files.

CARL

Back off, Marie.

MARIEExcuse me?

CARL

I said back off.

MARIE

Didn’t you ask me to help you?

CARL

Yeah. Help. Not take over. You always butt in and take over everything. I’ve got my

own doctor.

MARIE

Where?

CARL

Stanford Medical Center.

MARIE

What's his name?

CARLAdler.

MARIE

Jewish?

CARL

What's the difference?

39.



MARIE

Mama always said to stick with Jewish doctors, remember?

CARL

What Mama said had nothing to do with anything. You always get off point. It affects

your writing.

MARIE

Don't go at me.

CARL

He's doing a procedure on me next Wednesday.

MARIE

Why didn't you tell me about this?

CARLI am telling you about this.

MARIE

(to us)

I flew to California and met Carl at the Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto. He looked

better than fine - lean, muscular, wearing a Ralph Lauren blazer, crisp white button down,

perfectly knotted tie, carrying a leather attache case - more like the doctor than the patient.

(to Carl)

How do you feel?

CARL

Why are you wearing all that jewelry?

MARIE

What?

CARL

You're calling attention to yourself.

MARIEFor Christ's sake, Carl!

CARL

That's blasphemy. I don't want anybody to recognize us.

MARIE

We don't know anybody here.

40.



CARL

You never know.

MARIE

What about this procedure you're having?

CARL

What about it?

MARIE

Well, like, what's it for?

CARL

It's experimental, painless. The doctor is in the next room and he manipulates a robot that

beams radiation at tumors on the spine. Melts them right down.

MARIEYou have tumors on your spine now?

CARL

Just a couple. Nothing to worry about.

MARIE

Nothing to worry about?

CARL

George's sister had this procedure five years ago and she's still fine.

MARIE

(to us)

George was his college fraternity brother.

(to Carl)

That's a good sign.

CARL

There's a chapel on the first floor.

MARIE

So?

CARL

I want you to pray for me.

41.



MARIE

Oh come on!

CARL

You want to help me? Pray for me.

MARIE

I never prayed for anything in my life except a pony for Christmas when I was eight

which I didn’t get.

CARL

Who else do I have but you?

MARIE

Okay.

(to us)I went to the chapel, feeling like a hypocrite and an idiot at the same time. I sat there for a

while. I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't want to jinx my brother, so I just sat there.

It had been a long flight and I dozed off. It didn't seem to hurt anything. And he came

through the procedure very well.

When he got out of the hospital the first place he wanted to go was the gym.

MARIE

(to Carl)

Are you sure?

CARL

Of course. I'm in great shape. See?

(Carl does ten perfect chin-ups. Suddenly

there is blood on his shirt.)

MARIE

Carl! My God! (to us) There was blood on his shirt.

CARL

It's nothing! I popped some stitches. They took out a lymph gland yesterday for a test.

Anyone can stitch me up again.

MARIE

You're acting like an idiot.

42.



CARL

I’m acting like a man. Obviously a subject you know nothing about!

MARIE

The doctor forbade him to drive for a while after the stitches were repaired, and he needed

to get back to his apples. Guess who was the designated chauffeur?

CARL

What’s the matter? You forget how to drive stick shift?

MARIE

Of course not!

CARL

You go so slow! You are the worst driver in the world! Who taught you to drive?

MARIE

You did.

CARL

You must not have been paying attention, as usual. You're going to kill me before I get to

die.

MARIE

You have been a selfish prick your entire life! Do you know that?

CARLI know that's what you enjoy believing.

(imitating)

My brother is so difficult. You wouldn't believe what I put up with! Saint Marie.

MARIE

Shut up.

(pause)

CARL

Why do you have on sunglasses? It's completely cloudy. And I don't think the paparazzi

is about to jump out of the Columbia River and take your picture.

43.



MARIE

(to us)

We spent much too long together side by side in that truck.

(to Carl)Are you okay?

CARL

Why?

MARIE

Just asking.

CARL

Well don't.

MARIE

Why? I need to know.

CARL

It's driving me crazy. I'm fine.

(pause)

You have on perfume, don't you?

MARIE

Yes.

CARL

It stinks.

MARIE

How can you say that? Ernie brought it to me from Paris.

CARL

It still stinks. I hate perfume.

MARIEYou don't hate it on your girlfriends.

CARL

You're not my girlfriend.

44.



MARIE

That's for sure.

(they ride along in silence)

CARLYou know that book you wrote?

MARIE

Which one?

CARL

About that newspaper family.

MARIE

The Binghams.

CARL

I saw it on the remainder table in Seattle.

MARIE

Why are you telling me that?

CARL

You need to rethink your writing.

MARIE

That book was well written. It got great reviews.

CARL

Some.

MARIE

Why does everybody I know think I'm a good writer except my own brother?

CARL

I think you're a good writer. I never said you weren't.

MARIEThen why do you always go at me?

CARL

Because you're just a good writer. I mean, that's an accomplishment, but everybody at your

level is a good writer. And you could be more. You know what's stopping you?

45.



MARIE

No, Carl. What's stopping me?

CARL

No guts. You never put your guts in anything. Any good writer could write your stuff.

MARIE

And what have you written lately?

CARL

I can't write. It's your gift - not mine. And you're wasting it.

MARIE

(to us)

It's pretty hard to despise a sibling with cancer spreading inside him, but I managed.

So we drove to Wenatchee, mostly in silence. I met Marc, his orchard manager. Marc was

everything Carl was not - easygoing, rational and completely nonjudgemental. I'll never

know how he put up with my brother.

It was picking season. Apple world was bustling and Carl was in his element. Parsifal

blared full blast in the truck. We drove to one of his orchards in Chelan.

CARL

There's an art to apple picking. Not everyone can do it.

MARIE

(to us)

I saw his hand reach toward an apple with an easy rhythm. I thought of how a natural

athlete reaches out at the last second for a ball which seems to float into his hand.

CARL

You have to give it a twirl. Real gentle-like.

MARIE

(to us)He covered my hand with his. Together we cupped a pink red apple. Then he pulled up

quickly and the apple fell into my hand, still warm from the sun.

CARL

Apples are delicate. They bruise easy.

46.



MARIE

(to us)

I don’t know. Maybe it was the day. Maybe it was the air, high up there in his orchard.

Or maybe it was the first time in my life I’d ever eaten an apple straight off the tree. It was

a revelation.

CARL

Good, right?

MARIE

Yeah.

CARL

My God!

MARIEHe found a scratch on an apple.

CARL

Somebody has long nails. They're ruining my fruit!

MARIE

He grabbed a megaphone.

CARL

Atencion! Atencion! Ven Aqui! Line up! Hace la linea!

MARIE

(to us)

He fished a nail clipper out of his pocket, handing it to anyone whose nails might bruise the

fruit. You could hear the sound of clipping as he moved down the row.

CARL

I better not find any long nails. Show me your hands. Dame los manos, por favor.

MARIE

(to us)

I couldn't watch. But the men didn't seem particularly bothered. They were used to him.

And more than that. They loved him - this crazy Texas Jew who poured his heart and his

guts and everything he had into his apples.

47.



CARL

Okay. Get back to work.

MARIE

(to us)The next stop was the packing house in Wenatchee.

CARL

Don't tell any of these people that you live in New York and your daughter goes to an Ivy

League school. They might get the wrong idea.

MARIE

(to us)

Odd advice, because the people I met didn't seem to speak English. We all put on the

obligatory plastic hair nets. Carl walked the line, shadowing the various sorters and packers, whose fingers flew over the fruit. Now and then he screamed at one of them.

CARL

No good! Esto no sirve! Throw it out!

MARIE

(to us)

He was a fanatic about his apples. And, like the men in the orchards, these people loved

him, too.

CARL

I’ve got to check the Honey crisps.

MARIE

(to us)

We drove up to his orchard in Cashmere, the one he had showed me the first time I was

there. It was late by now. The sun was setting. Where there had been trees, there were

now little whips in precise rows, none taller than my head. He inspected them carefully.

(to Carl)

How are they doing?

CARL

So far so good. Be a few years before we can really tell.

48.



MARIE

(to us)

We sat on the hill and watched the sun fall behind the mountains.

(to Carl)You really meant it, didn’t you?

CARL

What?

MARIE

What you said about contributing something real to the world.

CARL

I mean everything I say.

(pause)

Make me a promise.

MARIE

What?

CARL

You won’t sell the orchards.

MARIE

I won’t. I promise, okay?

CARL

Okay.

(switching gears)

Does Casey know how to handle weaponry?

MARIE

I seriously doubt it.

CARLWhen she comes out here I'll teach her how to use a pistol.

MARIE

I'm sure she'll be overjoyed.

CARL

She needs to know how to protect herself. Especially in your part of the country.

49.



MARIE

You're going to have her packing heat at Brown? Are you out of your mind?

CARL

If the Jews had been able to have guns and fight off the Gestapo, there would have been no

Holocaust. Just because she lives on the East Coast it doesn't mean she has to swallow allthat lefty crap you've been feeding her all her life.

MARIE

It's not crap. It's the truth.

CARL

It's a good thing you never had a boy.

MARIE

It's a good thing you never had any children at all.

Sorry. I didn't mean that.

(to us)

But I couldn't take it back. I went home and read every medical journal I could get my

hands on. I found some things to tell Carl, but he wasn't taking my calls. Marc Armstrong

kept me posted on his condition. Then Carl called.

CARL

You still doing a travel piece about Mumbai?

MARIEI think so.

CARL

You oughta' change it to China.

MARIE

Why?

CARL

We should go there.

MARIE

Why should we do that?

CARL

That's where the dragons are. That's what they call master doctors in China.

50.



MARIE

I know that.

CARL

Of course. You know everything. The dragons are going to treat me. Tell nobody.

MARIE

I thought you liked your doctor in Palo Alto.

CARL

All the good research men are in China now.

MARIE

What are you not telling me?

CARL

There you go again - a fountain of negativity flows from your brain right to your mouth.

MARIE

And he hung up on me.

It took me twenty six hours to get from New York to Beijing. Carl met me in the hotel

lobby.

CARL

Get in the car! There is something you have to see!

MARIE

(to us)

I was cranky from the long flight.

(to Carl)

I am not up for The Great Wall today. Forget it.

CARL

Who the hell wants to go to The Great Wall? Get in the car.

MARIE

(to us)

And off we went into a major traffic jam. Construction everywhere. Trucks blocking

lanes, dust clouds all over. And everyone smoking, even the people on bicycles. We pull

up in front of Carrefour, a large French supermarket. I was filling pages of my notebook.

51.



CARL

Look! They're selling my apples!

MARIE

(to us)And so they were. Big cellophane packs of Washington apples with the Alamo Orchards

code on the tag.

CARL

How do you like that?

MARIE

Congratulations!

CARL

Let's get back to the hotel. Allegra is waiting.

MARIE

You brought a date? To China?

CARL

Why not?

MARIE

I don't know. I just thought -------

CARL

You could've brought Ernie.

MARIE

I didn't think of it.

CARL

I'm not touching that one.

MARIE

(to us)

Allegra was beautiful - No. She was drop dead gorgeous. She owned a chain of upscale

boutiques in Houston and Dallas. She always looked stunning, no matter what time of day

or night. She was smart, too - and funny. I couldn't stand her. I noticed that Carl's shirt

was wet.

52.



(to Carl)

What is that?

CARL

Scorpion patches. That's what the dragons do here. They come to the hotel room and put

on these hot patches of toxin. They sweat out the poison.

MARIE

(to us)

He pulled up his shirt. His skin was full of bright red patches, like a bad sunburn.

CARL

They burn. But they work. They will make me cancer free.

MARIE

What the hell are you doing in China when you should be having radiation in New York?

This is crazy. You need to have your spleen out!

CARL

I need to do exactly what I'm doing. And if you don't think so, get back on the plane and

go home.

MARIE

(to us)But I stayed. And we went to walk on the Great Wall.

It snaked ahead of us for thousands of miles across those barren mountains - up and down

as far as the eye could see. Truly a wonder of the world.

CARL

Hey, Allegra, why don't you go on ahead with the guide? Marie needs to go slow.

(he takes her arm)

MARIE

What?

CARL

(to Allegra)

She's way out of shape.

53.



MARIE

(catching his signal)

I'm afraid I am.

CARLWe'll catch up with you.

MARIE

Why is your shirt all wet?

CARL

I need to go back to the car.

The goddamn patches. They're burning me. Something is leaking. They didn't tape them

correctly. Don't let Allegra see me. I don't want Allegra to know.

Maybe this trip wasn't such a great idea.

MARIE

You don't know that. Let's set a schedule for the next twelve months. There are new gene

therapies and medications all the time. We need to look at everything.

CARL

I'm glad you're here.

MARIE

We'll get through this, Carl.

CARL

God who gave me life

Preserve my life today

Lord Christ who redeemed my life

Purify my soul today

Holy Spirit, Life Companion

Walk the path with me today.

MARIE

(to us)

I don't know where he got this from, but he started reciting it aloud every morning, no

matter where he was, no matter who was within earshot. It began to grate on my nerves.

And then, before every single meal:

54.



CARL

Father Jesus, bless this food.

MARIE

(to us)We were on the plane going home. This was too much.

(to Carl)

There's no such thing as Father Jesus. God is the father. Jesus is the son.

CARL

Not to me.

MARIE

If you're going to do this, at least do it right!

CARL

Yesterday I confessed my sins to Father Jesus.

MARIE

Oh yeah? What did he say?

CARL

Why should I tell you? You don't believe in Him.

MARIEIf Daddy could hear you he'd have a hissy fit.

CARL

Daddy was the worst Jew in the world.

MARIE

You've got him beat. And you're making a huge ass of yourself.

CARL

Tell you what, Marie. You do it your way when you're dying of lung cancer.

MARIE

You're not dying, Carl.

CARL

There's an eleven percent survival rate for this.

55.



MARIE

That's right! Hundreds of people get over it every year.

(to us)

In San Francisco I had a connection to New York.

(to Carl)

I’ll come out and see you over the holidays. Maybe I’ll bring Casey.

CARL

I'm going home.

MARIE

What do you mean?

CARL

San Antonio.

MARIE

You always tell me December is the most important time in the apple business because you

lay ground for next year.

CARL

I can bring Marc to San Antonio.

MARIE

You can't do that!

CARL

Why can't I?

MARIE

Because.

CARL

That's not a reason.

MARIE

Because you can't give up. You can't.

(to us)

But he was thinner, I noticed. And his color wasn't as good. When I got home to New

York, I contacted every cancer center I could find on the internet. I called him every day.

56.



We expected Carl for Thanksgiving, but exactly two years after that first letter, I got

another one.

CARL

Dear Marie.

I spent Thanksgiving in Palo Alto. I hope Casey fixed the candied yams. I had three hours

of MRIs yesterday. I have twelve new lesions on the brain. I thought you should know.

Your brother, Carl Brenner.

MARIE

(on the phone)

This is not a catastrophe, Carl. People live for years with a lot of cancer in the brain. And

by then who knows what cure they could discover.

(to us)

I paced around my house in New York, being crabby and getting nothing done.

I called him.

(on the phone)

How are you?

CARL

Fine.

MARIE

Really?

CARL

Oh. Didn't I tell you? The good fairy flew in and took away all the bad cancer. How the

hell do you think I am?

MARIE

Okay. Okay.

CARLYou're driving me crazy, Marie. Lay off.

MARIE

(to us)

More pacing. More phone calls.

57.



CARL


message.

MARIE

(to us)

Five straight days of that and I was on a plane to San Antonio. I found Carl having lunch

on his patio with a flat chested little blonde woman.

CARL

This is Dahlia. We met at the gym last week. Dahlia makes a great taco salad. Have some.

MARIE

Thank you. I'm not hungry.

CARL

(to Dahlia)

This is my sister. She's trying to suffocate me.

MARIE

Could you excuse us, please, Dahlia?

CARL

What the hell are you doing here?

MARIE

You didn't answer your phone.

CARL

I was busy.

MARIE

For five days? I thought you were dead.

CARLSorry. Not yet.

MARIE

You can't do this to me!

CARL

What? Get sick and die?

58.



MARIE

Tell me you need me and then blow me off!

CARL

I'm just living my life - that is, what's left of it.

(looks at his watch)

You know, if you hurry, you can make the 3:48 back to Newark.

MARIE

I'm not going to do that.

CARL

Well. Hope lives eternal.

MARIE

Oh, stop it, Carl. I'm not Mama.

CARL

What does Mama have to do with it?

MARIE

That's the little game you played with her. She'd catch you doing something and fuss at

you and you'd always find a way to say something hateful back and make her cry so she'd

leave you alone.

CARLYou are the queen of drama queens.

MARIE

It's not going to work with me. You can hurt my feelings all you want but it's not going to

make me stop trying to help you.

CARL

Help me what?

MARIETake care of yourself.

CARL

I'm not doing so bad.

MARIE

Yes you are. You're losing weight and your color is off.

59.



CARL

Of course! I'm dying, for Christ's sake!

MARIE

I thought we're not supposed to take the name of Father Jesus in vain.

(he can't help a smile)

And stop saying you're dying. You're not. You're at a point now where anything can

happen. You need monitoring. I'll tell you what. I'll go back to New York if you come

with me.

CARL

Why would I go to New York?

MARIE

Isn't the Met doing a new production of Tannhauser?

CARL

Lohengrin.

MARIE

Right. Lohengrin. And there's a lot of other stuff going on. Concerts, theatres, all those

restaurants you like so much. And the park to run in.

CARL

And Sloan-Kettering.

MARIE

Yes. And Sloan-Kettering. It's arguably the best cancer facility in the country.

CARL

Right. You want to stick me in Sloan-Kettering and have them poke at me 24 hours a day

until I finally croak.

MARIE

Why would you say that?

CARL

Because I know you, Marie. You think there's an answer for everything. You think you

can solve any problem in the world if you have the right connections. And you can't. Face

it. I am dying of cancer and there's nothing you can do about it.

60.



MARIE

You don't know that. You don't know what treatment could appear or some new test could

pop up or some drug get discovered or---

CARL

Fine. And when that happens - if it happens - we'll deal with it. But for now just leave me be in my house with my stuff doing whatever I want to do. I do not intend to die in some

lefty hospital hooked up to nine thousand machines. And nothing you do or say can make

me. I'm staying here.

MARIE

(to us)

So I went back to New York alone.

But I hatched a plan. I secretly rented a house three blocks from Carl’s. I flew back to San

Antonio and got our cousin Ramona to bring him over. When he walked in, the first thing

he saw was all my mother's furniture - her marble topped commode, and the twin sofas

with all the throw pillows she had embroidered.

CARL

What the hell is going on?

MARIE

Surprise.

CARLWhat are you doing here?

MARIE

What do you think?

CARL

You got all of Mama's things out of storage.

MARIE

Even the rugs fit. Doesn't it look great?

CARL

It looks creepy as hell! Why did you do this?

MARIE

Because I'm going to live here for a while. I rented this house.

61.



CARL

I didn't say you could do that.

MARIE

I didn't require your permission.

CARL

Put this junk back in storage and go the hell back to New York.

MARIE

I talked to your oncologist and he said it was a good idea. And Ramona happened to hear

this house was for rent.

CARL

You talked to my doctor behind my back?

MARIE

Get over it. He told me you've been sleeping a lot lately and getting worn out at the gym

after half an hour and he said, you know, maybe you needed a little looking after. So I

thought, who better than me? Oh, Ernie knows all about it. He said okay. Casey too.

Well say something.

CARL

What the hell am I supposed to say?

MARIE

Welcome home.

(to us)

And there we were, Carl and me - back home together. In a flash, it was like the last thirty

years didn't happen. He was the big brother. I was the flunkie.

CARL

Do you know what Bounce is?

MARIE

Of course I know what Bounce is.

CARL

What is it?

MARIE

You put it in the drier to make your clothes soft.

62.



CARL

You're not a halfwit. You're just all over the board. I'm teaching you how to focus. It will

help your work.

MARIE

I don't need lessons from you. My work is fine, thank you.

CARL

What work? When's the last time you turned something in?

MARIE

I don't have to put up with this shit from you!

CARL

The truth hurts sometimes.

MARIE

Please! Are you such an expert on the truth? You've floated around inside your little Carl

bubble your whole life!

CARL

Why do you care so much?

MARIE

Because you never let me in.

CARLWell, you were always breathing down my neck.

MARIE

Not true.

CARL

What about college? I go to Penn. Two years later. You come to Penn.

MARIE

It was the best school I got into.

CARL

You never even thought about going anywhere else.

MARIE

That was thirty-five years ago!

64.



CARL

The hell with it. I'm gonna' take a nap.

MARIE

Okay.

(a pause)

Carl?

CARL

What?

MARIE

There's going to be a good ending to this. I know it. We just need to hang in long enough

and keep asking questions.

CARL

Stop cheer leading, Marie.

MARIE

(to us)

A few days later I went by his house to meet him for lunch. He was in his study

surrounded by his books.

CARL

Martin Cruz Smith - Gorky Park, The Assassin's Cloak

Carl Hiasson - Kick Ass

Margaret Truman- Harry S Truman, My Father.

MARIE

What are you doing?

CARL

What does it look like? I am listing all the books I own.

MARIE

Why?

CARL

I'm downsizing. Nobody needs all this junk. It's useless. I'm getting rid of everything.

65.



MARIE

(to us)

He filled his car with every piece of paper that could tell anyone anything about him and we

drove it to a dump on the other side of town. He threw his computer on top of the pile.

CARL

What do you feel like eating?

MARIE

Chimichangas. What else?

(They are at the restaurant)

CARL

What are you putting in there?

MARIE

Nothing. Everything. You know.

CARL

But you aren't writing anything.

MARIE

I'm always writing something.

CARL Not since you've been down here.

MARIE

How do you know?

CARL

Because when you're working on something, you get all obsessed and you do research and

you ask questions and ----

MARIEAnd what?

CARL

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

MARIE

It's just my scribbles.

66.



CARL

Let me see.

MARIE

It wouldn't make any sense to you.

CARL

I think it would.

(he gets her note pad, flips through some

pages)

CARL

You're writing about me!

MARIE

I'm not.

CARL

'March 3rd. C slipping. Cranky. Feb 21st. Read about new studies at Sloan-Kettering. C

uninterested. Bad sign. Feb 15th. Still going to the gym. Barely lasts twenty minutes.

Feb 11th---

MARIE

Writing is the way I remember things.

CARLBullshit, Marie! You're writing about me!

MARIE

I'm not writing anything. I

CARL

You used me. All that research you did - all those doctors you talked to - it was for Vanity

Fucking Fair.

MARIE No! They're just notes.

CARL

Isn't it lucky that your difficult prick of a brother got cancer!

67.



CARL

Maybe. (a beat.) I'm afraid.

MARIE

I know you are. I am too.

CARL

But you’ve got to move forward, Marie. Just go forward. Talk to your editor.

MARIE

I guess I could call him.

CARL

I know how you and Wayne work. You throw ideas back and forth. You can't have a

meeting like that on the phone. You need to do it in person.

MARIEIn New York?

CARL

I doubt if you can get Wayne to come here.

MARIE

Ok. I'll think about it.

CARL

No. Do it! From the gut. Go.

MARIE

I don't think it's a good time to leave you.

CARL

I'll be fine. Go.

MARIE

I don't want to go.

(He hugs her. She hugs him back)

MARIE

I wish I was as brave as you are.

CARL

What is my suffering compared to Father Jesus? It is a tragedy that you don't have

spiritualism in your life.

69.



MARIE

You sound like bad religious television.

CARL

Don't be cute. Everybody dies. You better get a blood test. The CEA. It's a cancer

marker. I want to check the levels myself when you get them back. Don't trust what thedoctor says.

MARIE

I won't.

CARL

Fly safe.

MARIE

(to us)I called him from home the next morning.

CARL

I'm having lunch with Melanie at Delicious Tamales. It's a beautiful day.

MARIE

(to us)

Melanie was his old high school flame. I still liked her. She was her old cheery self,

divorced twice now, with twenty extra pounds on her. I had seen her white nightgown

hanging on a hook on the back of Carl's bathroom door and her cosmetics case by the sink.

(to Carl)

Nice. Give Melanie my love.

CARL

Ok. And you give mine to Wayne. Don't forget.

MARIE

(to Carl)

I'll talk to you later.

(to us)

Wayne and I have a work ritual. Text on the table. Red pencils. Diet cokes.

Twenty minutes later the phone rang again. Wayne and I were hard at it and Ernie was still

at home.

70.



(calling)

Can you pick it up, please, Ernie?

(to us)

Wayne and I went on with our work. Ernie came into the room. All the color was drained

out of his face. 'It's Carl', he said.

I know. I just talked to him. 'No' he said.

I saw tears running down his cheek.

Why are you crying?

Carl is dead. Melanie found him in the garden when she came to pick him up. The police

are there.

(to Ernie)But I just talked to him!

(to us)

I was furious.

(to Ernie)

This is so like him! I must've been the last voice he heard.

(to us)

And I remember Ernie putting his arms around me.

Of course Carl left me a letter - neatly typed.

CARL

Dear Marie. Go forward. Everyone limits themselves. Please forgive me for taking my

own life. It’s time for me to go. I hope you understand. I will miss you. We will be

united some day in heaven I pray and hope. I send you my love now and forever. Please

turn off the air conditioning. Carl.

MARIE

(to us)I arranged a memorial service in San Antonio. I made sure some selections from

PARSIFAL were included. I wonder what our relatives thought when they heard Wagner

at a Jewish man’s funeral. But Carl would’ve wanted it. Ernie and Casey were there, of

course. And Marc, his orchard manager. And George, his college room mate. And his

women - Melanie, Amanda in a black mantilla, Dahlia and so forth. And there were a few

women I didn't recognize. Of course.

71.



How could I expect to know everything about my brother's life? Nobody did.

Some of his ashes are buried near our parents and grandparents. The rest are in an urn at

the top of the Cashmere Orchard where the men erected a shrine hung with Mexican

religious medals called milagros, a plaque for the Virgin of Guadalupe and a styrofoam

cross with blue plastic flowers. How happy that would have made him. And he was rightabout the honey crisps. I wish he could know that. We harvested our first crop last year

and they were so much in demand, that we put in another thousand whips this spring.

I spent a long time trying to understand his decision to put a pistol to his head.

What if I hadn't left? Or was it that he did it when I was gone so that I wouldn't have to

deal with the mess? Or was it some final Carl version of gotcha? Like so much about my

brother, it remains a mystery. He left half of his orchards to Marc Armstrong and half to

Casey.

CARLFamily takes care of family.

MARIE

The piece I wrote turned out to be a book. I guess you know what it was about. It was

about adenocarcinoma and it was about the love of apples and it was about Carl. And it

was about me, too. It's never been remaindered that I know of.

Lately, I've been thinking about a day in San Antonio, a few months before the end. Just a

brother/sister sort of a day - nothing special. I don't even remember what we were doing.

CARL

Do you remember once when we were at Uncle Henry's ranch and we were all fishing and

I carried you on my shoulders? You were so little, you weighed almost nothing.

MARIE

You carried me on your shoulders?

CARL

I think I did. I remember being so happy. And you were laughing so hard you wet your

pants.

MARIE

Why couldn't it have always been like that?

72.



CARL

Who knows?

(A long look. Silence.)

MARIE

(to us)

Sometimes we don't get to understand everything.

THE END

73.

Apples and Oranges 10-12-12_final

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