“Having Difficult Conversations with · 2017-09-19 · To Succeed in These Conversations you Need...
Transcript of “Having Difficult Conversations with · 2017-09-19 · To Succeed in These Conversations you Need...
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“Having Difficult Conversations with
Teammates, Employees and Managers”
Glenda L. Harris, MSW, LCSW
Personal Assistance Service
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Communication Plays Such an Integral Role in The
Ease and Satisfaction We Enjoy In Relationships
• Connects people
• Transmits information and
ideas
• Clarifies and solves dilemmas
and mysteries
• Brings civility into most
interpersonal situations
Healthy and Good Communication is Like a Road That..
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When Communication Goes Bad
• It Seems That Now
The Road Is Full Of
– Curves That Are
Sharpe
– Sudden Speed Bumps
– Unexpected Potholes
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We Wonder If We Should Travel A Road That is
Filled With So Many Unwelcome Things
• The Potholes, Curves and Speed Bumps Represent
• Sensitive topics
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of meeting with defensiveness or anger
• Fear that our communication will make things worse.
• ______________
• ______________
This Trepidation About Proceeding Down This
Communication Road is There Because…
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Ignoring These Difficult Conversations Only Makes
Things Worse
Time and Energy Spent In Addressing Issues or Concerns
are Investments In Maintaining Work Satisfaction
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To Succeed in These Conversations you Need AAA
• Before You Begin, Determine:
– Is There an Important or Critical Need for This conversation
• Seriously impacts the working relationship
• Undermines your work
• Barrier to you succeeding
– Have You Made Assumptions About the Person’s Intentions
• Perhaps there are personality, cultural & other differences that would
give you a different perspective on the problem situation
– Take Stock of the Buttons That Were Pushed For You
– What Do You Want To accomplish
– What Would Be an Ideal Outcome
Assessment Is The Key
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To Succeed in These Conversations you Need AAA
• Map out your approach
– Timing Is everything
• Wait to discuss when you are less
emotional
– Discuss in private
– Practice your approach so that:
• you aim for a non-blaming and
objective discussion
• build up your confidence to expect a
positive outcome
Assessment Is The Key
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Activate Good Communication Skills
• Use I Statements When discussing your
concerns regarding a problem in an
interaction or any aspect of your working
relationship
• I statements describe how you experienced
the situation opposed placing blame on the
other person
• Use The Sandwich Communication
When
• Discussing a sensitive subject
• Discussing an expectation for a change
in another's behavior.
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Activate Good Listening Skills
• Allow the other person to respond without
interrupting them
• Your attentiveness to their response brings
ease to the situation
• Active listening or reflecting back what
you hear the other person saying about
their story is a useful skill
• We are more open to working out a
solution, when we first are convinced one
understands our story
• You may learn something about their
frustrations and work challenges that helps
to mitigate how you feel about the problem
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Activate Your Tracking Skills
• Keep your finger on the pulse of
how the discussion is progressing
• Has anyone become defensive,
shut-down, overly intense?
• Try to identify what you need at
this point
• If things seem to get off track, go
back to listening.
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Adopt Solutions
• The road to solutions begins with a shift from my
way or your way
• A problem solving process is now possible
• Ask the other person for input on how they think the
situation can be resolved
• This encourages the other person to take
co-ownership to a solution
• A sort of reconciliation is established
• Offer apologies when needed, a “clean-up” is
conducted, new rules of interaction are agreed upon
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The AAA Approach to Succeeding With
Difficult Conversations
• Assess
• Activate
• Adopt
Some materials taken from “We Have To Talk: Holding Difficult Conversations”, by Judy Ringer
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• PAS staff are licensed counselors, clinical social
workers and psychologists.
• Office is located at Erwin Square Office tower, on 4th
floor, Suite 400.
• Call 416-1727 to schedule an appointment. Counselors
are available Monday-Friday, 7: 00 am - 6pm
• PAS website: www.hr.duke.edu/pas
Personal Assistance Service