and Keep from Becoming Negative Yourself...Network of Negativity. ... emotion – control your own...

How to Deal with Negative People and Keep from Becoming Negative Yourself

Negative people are tremendous energy drainers for children, other adults, and themselves.

Learn how to deal effectively with negativism and increase your own positive approach to people and everyday life challenges.

What are the characteristics of negative people?

As a person looks at the world through their lenses, do they see

hope and possibilities…

…or just the opposite?

Let’s start with some basic information and realities.

The Four Realitiesabout Negative People

REALITY #1Difficult people exist everywhere. They cause problems for everyone.

REALITY #2You cannot change negative people.They can only change themselves.

REALITY #3Understanding what makes them tick...

Reduces your stress Improves your ability to help them change Improves your ability to change the

organizational environment Makes your life a lot easier

REALITY #4There is no single book or recipe on how to deal with negative people.

By learning specific skills, you can adapt them to different personalities and situations.

So what do we do?

Ten Categories of suggestions based on Research

First you need to understand the concept of positivity

1.

Positive Psychology – 1999

Positivity – 2002

Thousands of recent research studies since 2005

Your Line of Life

A

Frustration

Stress

Depression

Anxiety

B

Neutral

Normal

Feeling pretty good

Your Line of Life

A

Frustration

Stress

Depression

Anxiety

B

Neutral

Normal

Feeling pretty good

C

No-limit living

Total wellbeing

Independent of the good opinion of others

Highly Spiritual

Your Line of Life

A

Depression

Anxiety

DSM-5diagnosis

B

Normal

Doing Okay

TraditionalPsychology

Sadness

Stress

Your Line of Life

A

Depression

Anxiety

DSM-5diagnosis

B

Normal

Doing Okay

C

Self-Actualization

No Limit Living

Independent of the good opinion of others

Highly Spiritual

TraditionalPsychology

Sadness

Stress

PositivePsychology

FeelingGood

1. Humor

2. Laughter

3. Positivity

Humor is a feeling of joy and lightheartedness.

It comes from within.

Laughter is a physical act as a result of something we perceive as funny.

Positivity runs deeper than humor, laughter, self-talk, and statements such as “grin and bear it” or “don’t worry, be happy.”

It consists of a whole range of positive emotions embedded deep inside us:

Hope…gratitude…joy…love…

appreciation…inspiration…compassion…

Ask yourself positive questions to refocus

What’s good about…

…my job?

…my family?

…where I live?

…my commute?

…my spouse/friend?

Positivity alters your brain and changes how you think

Positivity = Broaden Mind = More Positivity

Positivity changes the way you interact with the world

Network of Negativity

Positive Emotions

Hope

Compassion

Love

Gratitude

Pride

Awe

Interest

Joy

Inspiration

Humor

Serenity

So, let’s continue learning how to deal with negative people…

2. Visualize Success

“While other retailers complained about the competition, I chose to solve the

problems with creativity and tenacity. Complaining, and being around those

who do, destroys my creative juices and only adds unproductive negative energy.”

Sam Walton

Build emotional banks with everyone3.

Emotional Bank

Compliments

Listening

Gratitude

Gratitude

Compliments

Listening

Putting theother person

first

Some people walk into a room

and the lights go on.

Others enter a room and the lights go out.

Let’s hope you are a lamp lighter!

Next, we need to understand the

psychology of negativism

4.

Psychology of negativism

•gets more attention than the positive

• is reinforced by the attention

• is all about how a person sees the world

Blame

Anger

Greed

Victim

Hate

Helpless

“This will work!”

“The data are sound!”“People respect me!”

“I can do this!” “I care about others!”

People use negativism to control us and get what they want.

What do negative people depend upon to get what they want?

1. Attention

2. Fear

3. Guilt

4. Intimidation

5. Sense of Power

6. Sympathy

7. Response

8. Momentary high

9. Use of cynicism

Attention: Even negative attention is better than no attention. They get a sense of power from this attention.

Fear – The more angry the person, the more fearful we are at confronting or expressing our ideas. We tend to avoid sharing altogether because we fear an attack.

Guilt – They try to make you feel guilty if you don’t see or do what they want. “Well, you should have known.” “If you don’t do this or that, I won’t like you, talk to you, and tell everyone how bad you are.”

Intimidation – They intimidate you with their negative attitude. You don’t want them talking negatively about you so you do what they say.

Sense of Power – Many people enjoy criticizing others. It gives them a sense of power. Gossip is a subset of power. The more people support their criticism of others, the stronger their sense of power.

Elicit sympathy to add drama to their livesMost negative people are craving for affection and comfort. They perceive their lives as dull so they use negativeness and exaggeration to bring drama into their lives.

Response – Negative people may say things just to “get your goat”.

If they can get a negative response from you, it adds pleasure to their life and reinforces their idea that the world is negative.

Momentary high at your expenseThe goal is to make you as miserable as they are so they feel better. But it is short-lived, addictive, and habit forming.

They use cynicismSome people protect themselves and try to control you through cynicism. By expecting only the worst in people and things, they will not be disappointed and feel justified in their negativism.

So what do you do…

Specific suggestions for tolerating and handling negative people.

5.

Do not get sucked into their downward spiral.

Do not participate in their negative conversations and emotion – control your own attitude and emotion.

Establish boundaries to guard your dreams, your passions, your time, and your energy.

Become independent of the good opinion of others.

Walk your own path.

Confront negative people with the facts, especially those who are using cynicism to control you.

HOW TO HANDLE NEGATIVE PEOPLE

Reframe the negative into a positive

What else do you see on the list?

Specific suggestions for helping negative people change

6.

First, you must change your attitude toward them…

Understanding

Compassion

Forgiveness

If you can do this, then proceed.

If not, go back to page 8.

Specific suggestions for leaders7.

“I know it is a real problem, and I’m not sure of the solution, but here is one thing we can do now.”

Henry Ford

Leadership

• Surround negative people with positive people who enjoy life.

• Be an absolute role model.

• Leadership results improve when the leader becomes a positive role model.

• Make attitude and wellness a theme in your organization.

• Slowly change the culture – be persistent – stay with it.

Leadership

• Give firm, compassionate, and open direction. Intensely reward positive energy.

• Whatever you put into the system multiplies itself.

• You must change yourself first before you can change the organization. What are you doing to contribute to the negative “status quo”?

Winter is Coming

Winter weather is approaching, so we all need to get ready. Emergency weather procedures are in place. We will try to use our best judgments when deciding to delay, close, or dismiss early. Be sure to listen to the radio or T.V. Unless it is a late breaking weather condition, announcements are sent to the media prior to 6:30 a.m.

At the risk of being offensive, remember that emergencies are one thing and inconvenience is another. We all know winter can be very inconvenient around here.

Change criticizers into supporters

8.

There are 13 suggestionsin the handout for changing criticizers

into supporters (page 11)

Change Criticizers into Supporters

Greet them positively, and let them speak first.

Take a few deep breaths and stay as relaxed as possible.

Listen actively and take notes. If you are on the telephone, do not try to do other work.


Try to empathize with the criticizer.

Ask questions for clarification and to encourage the complainer to continue talking.

Tell people what you will do. Do not tell them what you won’t do.


If a mistake is made, admit it, apologize, and provide a suggestion as to how to put it right.

If you cannot deal with the complaint on the spot, tell the complainer when you will.

Maintain a positive/supportive demeanor. Thank complainer for sharing their concerns.

Words of Encouragementto help you stay focused and peaceful (handout – pages 12-13)

9.

Thoughts to Ponder which will Help You Stay Focused on the Positive

“When we see others as the enemy, we risk becoming what we hate. When we oppress others, we end up oppressing ourselves.”

~ Desmond Tutu


When someone is angry and upset with you, it says more about them than it does about you.

I can choose peace rather than this. I do not need to let them in where I live.

Maybe you need to do a self-check. Perhaps you are the one that is negative.


What you think about yourself is what you will think of the world.

Negative authority does not work on positive, informed people who enjoy their life.


“Stop being offended! That which offends you only weakens you. If you are looking for occasions to be offended, you will find them at every turn.”

~ Wayne Dyer


“Every thought either strengthens or weakens us.”

~ David Hawkins


The goal is not to avoid the negative; the goal is to look for and seek out the positive. For what you see will be what you get.

Read Positive Literature10.

Finally, if people do not share your humor and positivism and instead try to give you the gift of anger and whininess, say:

“No, thank you – you keep it!”

Where have we been?

1. The concept of positivity2. Developing a positive vision3. Building emotional banks4. The psychology of negativism5. Tolerating and handling negative people6. Helping a negative person change7. Leadership8. Changing complainers and criticizers effectively9. Stay focused on the positive with words of encouragement10. Read positive literature

How to Deal with Negative People and Keep from Becoming Negative Yourself

and Keep from Becoming Negative Yourself...Network of Negativity. ... emotion – control your own...

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