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WomansDivorce.com

12 Common Divorce Mistakes

And How to Avoid Them

Tracy Achen Editor of WomansDivorce.com

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Legal Stuff Copyright 2018, Tracy Achen.

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The contents of this report are my opinions and observations, based on my own experience, and should

not be taken as anything more than that.

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advice, seek the assistance of an appropriate licensed professional in the relevant field.

You are solely responsible for the consequences of your use of this material.

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Introduction

Getting divorced is tough. Not only do you have to deal with upset kids and emotions swinging

from rage to utter misery, you also have to make decisions that can impact you for a long time.

And this opens the door for mistakes to be made. Most women are so angry, upset or afraid

when their marriage ends that they don’t think logically about what they should do to protect

themselves and their children from an unfair settlement.

I’ve seen women make a lot of big mistakes during their divorce, especially when their soon-to-

be ex is highly manipulative or abusive. Even with a reasonable spouse, it’s hard to think clearly

when getting divorced. Unfortunately, the most devastating mistakes are the financial ones,

because they have such a long lasting impact on a woman’s life.

So, first things first… Don’t let your husband, your anger, your pain or anything else push you

into making rash decisions. The decisions you make during your divorce will affect you for the

rest of your life. Don’t agree to anything just to be free for now. Protect yourself.

In order to help you make the best decisions during this trying time, I’ve assembled a list of the

12 most common mistakes I see divorcing women make and what you can do to avoid them.

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Mistake #1. Failing to get good legal counsel

Most divorces are relatively complicated and an experienced lawyer can help you avoid many

of the pitfalls. It’s really important to get legal advice, even if you are considering doing your

own divorce. When it comes to legal representation, here are some things to keep in mind:

Determining if you even need a lawyer – There are instances when doing your own

uncontested divorce might be a viable option. But filing your own paperwork means

you’ll have to educate yourself on the process to make sure the documents are

completed properly. And there is always the chance that you might fail to address

something in your settlement agreement before everything is filed. Mistakes like that

are hard to repair. It doesn’t hurt to pay a lawyer his or her hourly fee to look over your

paperwork to make certain there are no glaring omissions or mistakes. To determine if

doing your own divorce would work in your situation, here are some things to consider.

Now, if your spouse already has a lawyer, you absolutely need your own lawyer fighting

for you. Yes, you can represent yourself in court, but it generally isn’t advised. Basically

you’ll be an amateur playing against professionals. Instead, look to see if you qualify for

a pro bono lawyer through your local bar association. You can also look for a lawyer who

will take payments, get a loan, or ask for help from your family to pay for a lawyer.

Don’t share a lawyer with your spouse – It’s not unusual for a husband to try to

convince his wife that it will be easier and cheaper to use one lawyer to settle the

divorce. What you need to understand is that there is no way a lawyer can fairly

represent both spouses. The lawyer your husband ends up hiring will look out for his

best interest instead of yours. You need your own attorney to ensure your rights are

protected.

Make sure you hire the right lawyer for your case - Even if your case is simple, you

need to hire an attorney whose practice focuses primarily on family law. This is not the

time to hire the attorney you’ve used in the past to handle your estate planning. When

looking to retain a lawyer, be sure to schedule consultations with more than one lawyer

to make sure there’s a good fit between the lawyer and you.

Don’t use your attorney to punish your spouse – It’s common to seek vengeance

against your spouse, especially if his actions led to the divorce. But hiring a combative

lawyer will end up costing you in the long run because it increases the hours spent both

on the case and in the courtroom.

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It’s better to just work out a fair settlement so you can move on with your life instead of

dragging your divorce out for years. After all, the best revenge is a life well lived.

Don’t Let Your Lawyer Make All Your Decisions – It’s tempting to just hand everything

over to your lawyer and have him or her decide how the case will be handled. But in

reality, you need a lawyer who will guide you through your divorce instead of telling you

what to do. If you feel unsure about a proposal or how the case is going, you need to be

able to ask questions, especially before you sign any documents. Remember, you hired

your lawyer and they work for you.

Mistake #2. Not Considering Mediation

If you and your spouse are still able to work together, you can save both time and money by

settling your case outside of the courtroom. Mediation is an option to help you reach a

settlement agreement without having a judge make the decisions for you. During mediation,

you and your spouse will meet with a mediator to work towards a reasonable solution of the

issues to be settled in your divorce. Both parties have an equal say in the process and

everything is kept private.

In many cases, mediation may be the quickest and cheapest way of reaching a settlement

agreement with your spouse. Most people who use mediation report greater satisfaction with

the process than traditional divorce proceedings. Even if you aren’t able to resolve everything

through mediation, it reduces how many issues will need to be decided by a judge.

Mediation isn’t appropriate in all cases though. If your husband has hidden assets or isn’t

willing to compromise, mediation probably won’t work. It’s also not a good idea if there are

issues of domestic abuse in your marriage. To learn more about mediation, go to

https://www.womansdivorce.com/mediation-in-divorce.html

Mistake #3. Failing to Document everything

Before the divorce process begins, there are important legal and financial documents your

attorney will need. Gathering this information ahead of time when it’s easy to obtain and

before things get confrontational will help insure you have the documentation needed.

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To help you get started, here is a brief list of documents to make copies of:

Proof of income including pay stubs and W2’s for you and your husband

Birth certificates and social security documentation for you and your children

The date, county and state of your marriage (having a copy of the marriage certificate

helps)

Information on prior marriages of either spouse, as well as related divorce information

for those marriages

Tax returns. If your husband refuses to provide you with joint tax returns, contact the

IRS to get copies

Prenuptial agreements

Post-nuptial and separation agreements

Insurance policies

Vehicle titles and registrations

Wills and trusts

Property deeds

Loan applications, etc.

You’ll also want to take an inventory of the contents of any safety deposit boxes and make

copies of any relevant records contained within. The same goes for in-home safes. The more

information you can gather, the better prepared you’ll be, both now and after your divorce is

finalized.

Mistake #4. Not creating an accurate inventory of assets and debts

Financial disclosure is part of the divorce process. To complete the financial affidavit, you need

to know the value of your assets and debts, as well as how much money both you and your

husband earn.

This inventory will give your attorney an immediate overview of the assets and debts likely to

be at issue in your case. By taking the time to document and fully understand your financial

picture, you’ll be able to resolve your case fairly. Not only is it important when dividing

everything up, it will help immensely in determining your post-divorce budget. You can learn

more about creating a balance sheet at: https://www.womansdivorce.com/divorce-tips.html

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Determining Assets - To get started, make copies of all important financial records and assets.

This list should include:

Bank or credit union accounts, including savings, checking, money market, and CDs

Business ownership interests

Investment or brokerage accounts, annuities, stocks, bonds or mutual funds

Retirement accounts or pensions

Real estate – owned both jointly and separately

Time shares

Vehicles which are owned or leased

Country club memberships

Personal property such as computers, collections, household furnishings, electronics,

etc.

Life insurance policies, and

Expected tax refunds

Understanding what you owe – Most people who’ve been married for a while have some sort

marital debts. It’s important to document these debts so they can be addressed in your divorce.

This is especially important is if you live in a community property state - Arizona, California,

Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin. In these states, you’ll

generally be held responsible for half of the debt if it’s incurred during the marriage, even if it

isn’t in your name. Here are some common debts and places to search:

Credit reports for you and your husband. These may reveal some debts you were

unaware of.

Credit card statements – good for showing what is currently owed and what was

charged right before the divorce was filed.

Mortgages and refinance documents

Rental and lease agreements

Bank loans

Car loans

Student loans

Outstanding tax bills

It’s really important to separate your debt obligations when getting divorced. For example, let’s

assume your ex will be keeping the home and you remain on the mortgage after your divorce.

Remaining on the mortgage means you will be liable for the debt until it’s paid off. As a result,

your credit could be ruined if your ex allows the house to go into foreclosure. Plus, having a

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current mortgage in your name will make it harder to qualify for a new mortgage when you

decide to buy a house after your divorce.

Mistake #5. Overlooking the tax implications

If you’ll be receiving investments, property or a portion of your husband’s retirement account

as part of your divorce settlement, you need to talk with an accountant before you agree to

anything. Ask your accountant to explain the potential taxes consequences of the proposed

settlement and the possible capital gains taxes that would be owed if you sell property or

investments in the future.

If you settle your case without understanding the tax implications, you might discover that

you’re actually getting way less than you thought.

Mistake #6. Not Understanding the Rules of Retirement Accounts

If your husband has a pension or retirement plan, you're legally entitled to a portion of the

money (barring a prenuptial agreement stating otherwise). On the other hand, your husband is

equally entitled to any retirement accounts in your name. Generally, funds added to a

retirement account during the marriage are considered marital property, which means both

you and your spouse have a right to them. How they are divided, when you can get a payout

and what the tax consequences are will depend on the type of retirement account it is.

The type of retirement plan will determine what rules apply and the paperwork that is required

for division. For example, 403(b) and 401(k) plans require a QDRO to insure the funds are

distributed correctly. IRAs require a “transfer incident to divorce”. It’s critical that your divorce

agreement spell out how the retirement assets will be split and how those funds will be

transferred so you don’t get slammed by the IRS.

For example, pulling money out of a 401K prior to age 59½, will trigger a 10% early withdrawal

penalty. Who owes the penalty will depend on how the division is handled in the divorce. Even

if you’re willing to pay the withdrawal penalty, it’s a good idea to have taxes withheld from the

distribution. Failing to do so will mean you owe a large tax bill come tax time.

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Mistake #7. Guesstimating Financial Information

You may be wondering why developing a budget is necessary when getting divorced. First of all,

it helps prove the standard of living established during your marriage. This will be important for

determining temporary support, as well as post-divorce alimony and child support.

Your lawyer will likely ask you to fill out financial forms (basically a budget) that detail your

household income and expenses. If you rush through this and just guess what your bills run

each month, it’s easy to underestimate your living expenses. And this can have a significant

impact on the financial outcome of your divorce.

So you want to give yourself enough time to do it right. To get started, it helps to have the

previous year’s expenses and income. If you already use budgeting software and can pull up the

stats on the previous year it will make it really easy to document your budget. If you don’t

already have a working budget, you’ll need pay stubs, investment records, check registers, bank

statements, loan records, credit card statements and anything else that will document your

earnings and expenses prior to the divorce. Here is a free budget worksheet to help you get

started: https://www.womansdivorce.com/free-budget-worksheets.html

The budget you submit will be important as you work through your divorce settlement. It can

help you determine whether keeping the family home makes sense. If you’re thinking about

asking for the house in your divorce, take into consideration the mortgage payments,

homeowners insurance, property taxes and maintenance. Staying in a home you can’t afford

will make things much harder down the road.

Your budget will also help when determining child support because it will document the all the

expenses of raising your children that you might not immediately think of. When you sit down

to calculate child support, be sure to include health care, daycare expenses, dental and special

medical expenses, extra-curricular activities, clothing, etc.

Your budget will also help when it comes to dividing the assets because it will highlight what it

will take to survive. Getting liquid assets and cash in your divorce settlement can make a huge

difference in your post-divorce life. Here is a good overview of why an accurate budget is so

important when getting divorced: https://www.womansdivorce.com/budgeting-income.html

After the divorce is finalized, you can then adjust your budget to take into consideration what

your income and living expenses will be as a single person.

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Mistake #8. Letting your emotions make your decisions

This is a big one for many women, and it can swing from being totally passive to overly

aggressive. Leading with your emotions often results in short-sighted financial decisions and

usually, deep regrets.

At one end of the spectrum is agreeing to just about anything because you want the divorce to

be over and done with. I understand what it’s like to be worn down, but don’t be a doormat!

What you agree to during the divorce will impact you for the rest of your life. Property

settlements generally can’t be changed and custody arrangements aren’t easy to modify. Ask

for what you’re worth!

At the other end of the spectrum is being vindictive or unwilling to compromise on anything.

For some women, getting a divorce signals the urge to finally stand up for themselves. While it’s

good you want to protect your rights, you also need to be willing to compromise as well. Being

inflexible makes it really hard to reach a settlement agreement, which means your divorce will

drag on and cost a lot more in the end. It really doesn’t make sense to spend thousands of

dollars in lawyer’s fees just to spite your soon-to-be ex.

When you’re getting divorced, try to set your emotions aside and treat it like a business

transaction. Know what really matters and focus on getting that. Be willing to compromise on

the rest.

Mistake #9. Forgetting that social media is a public forum

Be careful what you post about your divorce on Facebook. People are used to sharing so much

of their everyday lives on social media, but this often leads to unneeded drama during a

divorce. Emotions run high and it can be tempting to post snarky or libelous remarks about your

soon to be ex. If you need to vent, give your best friend a call and keep it offline.

You also need to think about whether something you post online can be used against you in

your divorce. For example, posting about your latest shopping trip might affect your property

settlement and photos from that wild party can impact your custody agreement. It’s not

unusual for social media to be used as evidence in a divorce trial.

Once something is posted online, it stays in cyberspace forever. The best suggestion is to avoid

social media until your divorce if finalized. This will remove all temptation.

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Mistake #10. Banking on alimony or child support

Yes, child support is meant to help cover the expense of raising your children. And alimony is

meant to help you get back on your feet financially. But there is no guarantee the support

payments will be made on a consistent basis. If you depend on the support payments to pay

your bills, it’s a good idea to build up an emergency fund just in case a payment gets missed.

You also need to consider what would happen if your ex were to die or become disabled. If your

ex has a sizable estate, the child support might be paid from the estate. Alimony, on the other

hand, ceases when either spouse dies. This is why it is important to “insure” your child support

and alimony payments by obtaining disability and life insurance policies on your ex. This will

serve to guarantee the support payments.

To get started, review your spouse’s current life insurance policy to see if the benefits will cover

future support payments. If so, you can stipulate in the divorce agreement that ownership of

the policy be transferred to you. Doing so will guarantee that you’ll be notified if the premium

isn’t paid and that you’ll remain the beneficiary on the policy.

If your husband doesn’t have life insurance or if his current policy wouldn’t be enough to cover

future support payments, you’ll need to look into purchasing a new policy. Again, you want to

stipulate that you will have ownership of the policy. You can also negotiate who will pay the

premiums into your settlement.

There is also a newer type of insurance that insures support payments in the event of

unemployment. If your soon-to-be-ex works in an industry known for lay-offs, it is definitely

something worth considering.

Mistake #11. Signing documents without understanding them.

Divorce decrees and settlement agreements contain legal jargon which sometimes make it hard

to understand all the little details. But signing legal documents or divorce papers without fully

comprehending the implications of the agreement is insane.

Once you sign the divorce agreement, it becomes a binding contact. You don’t want to

inadvertently agree to something you don’t really want. Yes, issues concerning the children can

be modified if you can show a change in circumstances has occurred after the papers were

signed. And a property settlement can be modified if you both agree. But it makes much more

sense to have the agreement contain the provisions you want right from the start.

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This is why you want your lawyer to review all paperwork and explain anything you don’t

understand. If you aren’t comfortable with any provisions it contains, don’t sign it. You can

always take it before a judge to decide. Just remember, a bad divorce settlement (or a good

one) can affect you for a very long time, both emotionally and financially. To reiterate, don’t

sign anything until you fully understand what you’re signing.

Mistake #12. Not taking time to learn your options

The biggest mistake you can make is going into a divorce blindly. If you’re just considering

divorce, you have more time to help prepare yourself for what’s ahead. To help you get started,

check out Divorce 101: A Woman’s Guide to Divorce. If your spouse caught you off guard by

announcing he wants a divorce, you’ll need to get up to speed fairly quickly. Learn what to

expect from the divorce process, retain a skilled family attorney, and start working on your

inventory of assets and debts.

The Bottom Line

When it comes to divorce, what you don’t know can hurt you. The above list highlights some of

the major things to consider and mistakes to avoid when you’re getting a divorce. The more

careful you are, the better outcome you’ll get from your divorce.

© Copyright 2018 Tracy Achen. All rights reserved. No portion of this report may be reproduced

without written permission from the author.