David Zhao

Amazon Reviews

1.

I got a new one in January; sometimes, it restarts by itself, and the alarm doesn’t work. I need to restart to make it work. The screen is easy to break; make sure to get a bulky cover. Yes, I broke the screen. Recently, I can’t make/receive phone calls, but I can still browse the internet.

So far I have used HTC, Mot, iPhone, and Samsung; so far, the iPhone still has the best build quality, but I don’t like iTunes and iOS.HTC is next, and then Mot and Samsung.

2.

I got this and decided to play a prank on my girlfriend, thinking it would make her glow in the dark. Well, long story short, it actually probably maybe kind of killed her. I panicked and buried her in the cemetery down the street. I’m sitting in the living room all mopey when I hear a noise outside. When I get up to look, I see her walking down the street and she’s glowing! It’s a miracle! I’m not sure who those other people with her are, shambling around like mindless drones, but I figured she was going to throw me a surprise party and maybe apologize for dying. Those other people are possibly her friends or something. Man this party is going to be huge!

3.

David Zhao

This tool is great; we are an active family and are out and about somewhere every weekend. With this knife, we never have to worry about not having the right tool at hand when need presents itself. I almost gave it five stars. However, since we are a family of five, and there are only four cup holders, the constant fighting over the cup holders is pretty unnerving. Hence, we gave only four stars.

4.

As a human whose diet strictly consists of meat from mythical creatures, this product is life-changing. Now that unicorn meat is now produced and shipped to my house, I can live a somewhat normal life. Before this ingenious invention, I had to move constantly. Unicorns are not only fast gallopers and fliers, but they are also weekly migrators. Every week I would have to repack and lug my unicorn hunting gear to my customized unicorn hunting jet. Just like any hunter would wear camouflage clothing, I too must camouflage with my environment. Because unicorns most often reside in the clouds, I have to camouflage myself into a cloud. I dyed my hair white and custom made a cloud costume with 5,000 cotton balls. My custom-made plane is also covered with over 50 million cotton balls to remain unnoticed in the clouds. To attract the unicorns, I have to dispense at least 50 pounds of glitter into the sky. This is all very tedious work. This also gives me no time for social activities. I currently have no friends and have never met someone who shares the same dietary needs. However, now that I can easily ship unlimited amounts of unicorn meat to my house, I have time to live a normal life!

5.

David Zhao

Many of you might be appalled at the idea of killing unicorns and harvesting their meat for consumption. Yes, they are an unique and adorable species among the world’s creatures, but did you know that unicorns are directly responsible for the habitat loss of the endangered mountain chinchilla? In searching for food, unicorns’ horns disrupt the very brush that chinchillas make their homes in. Additionally, did you know that unicorns are an animal reservoir for the spirochete t. magicensis, a pathogen spread by fairy bites and lined to colon cancer in gnomes? Over 5,000 gnomes die from colon cancer each year, making it the #2 killer behind orc trampling. Fortunately, cooking the meat at 160°F kills the spirochete bacterium, making unicorns safe for human consumption. The point is that unicorns are a part of their ecosystem and are no different than any other animal. By managing their numbers, we can preserve the balance of nature and provide ourselves a tasty lunchtime to bland, tiresome turkey. Personally, I like my unicorn with Miracle Whip.

6.

I have a neighbor who constantly wants to borrow my van, but he always returns it with less gas in it than before, so I bought three of these, filled them with crumpled newspapers, and put some smelly catfish bait in them.When he asked to borrow my van again, I told him he could in an hour if he would stop by the dump for me and drop off the stuff in the back. Then I put the bags in the back.

He decided he didn’t really need to borrow the van and hasn’t asked again.

7.

Several years ago, we loaned some money to my wife’s brother. She mentioned that we would never get the money back at the time, so we just considered it a gift.

David Zhao

They took a vacation and we were watching their house; I placed this head under the covers of their bed, and within a month of their return we were repaid in full. I went out and got two more masks: one for my brother and cousin. If we get that money back also, we will buy a dozen of these.

8.

While on my jet ski in the Chesapeake Bay this summer, I was confronted by a huge ship moving up the channel. You could imagine my horror when I realized that I had only 1 hour and 45 minutes or so before the lumbering behemoth was sure to pass through my area. With no place to hide and only a water-jet-propelled small-craft beneath me for transport, I quickly withdrew my Kindle Fire from the storage compartment beneath my seat and proceeded to read the book How to Avoid Huge Ships. One hour later and with only 45 minutes to spare, I implemented the expert advice provided by the author and turned my jet ski in the opposite direction of the huge ship to avoid certain disaster.

9.

David Zhao

The Three Wolf Moon shirt’s power is obvious. This video is living proof that you will get women and fly. Most importantly, my son was born without bones, and when I put this shirt on him, he grew bones. Don’t ask me how it happened, but the magic is there. I wish I could hug the designer of this shirt and thank him for everything he has done for my family.

10.

I just picked up my laptop holder from the post office, and I’m driving home now. It’s OK I guess, but the bumpy road makes it hard to type, and there’s a lot of pedestrians and traffic that keep distracting me from my computer.

It’s probably OK for web browsing or email, but I don’t think it will be so useful for more complex tasks. Oh, and you can’t make any sharp turns, so when you turn right, sometimes you have to use the opposing lane of traffic.

11. Date: June 22, 2014

Location: McDonald’s

Correct Usage: We’re Hiring Part-time Positions