Aliens From Another Mother

Factors Associated With Excessive Parent-Teen Conflict:

 1. Poor Problem Solving Skills

2. Poor Communication Skills

3. Structural Problems in the Family:

· Parent’s who don’t work as a team· Teen manipulates parents· Triangulation (indirect communication)

4. Misguided Assumptions & Thinking:*negative, self-directed beliefs produce depression & anxiety ~ *negative other-directed beliefs produce

anger

A. Problem Beliefs for Teens:· Ruination: if parents put too many restrictions on teens, this will ruin the teen’s life· Fairness: parent’s rules are terribly unfair and unjust· Autonomy: teens should have as much freedom as they desire· Approval: it is catastrophic for teens if parents do not approve of the teen’s actions 

4. Misguided Assumptions & ThinkingB. Problem Beliefs For Parents:

·  Ruination: if parents give teens too much freedom, the teen will make mistakes or misbehave in ways which will ruin their future lives·  Perfectionism: teens should instinctively know how to behave properly all the time without any parental intervention, and it is terrible upsetting if teens do not always behave perfectly·  Obedience: teens should always do what their parents say without questioning their parent’s judgment·  Self-blame: parents are at fault for teens’ mistakes or misbehavior·  Malicious Intent: teens misbehave on purpose to hurt their parents·  Approval: it is terribly upsetting if teens do not approve of parent’s rules, regulations, and decisions

5. Inconsistent Consequences for Teen & Positive Payoff for Conflict

 

Find Your Teenager’s Cheese

How Do Teens Think?

Thinking About SelfTeens' Preoccupation With Self

Fads - Part of Teens' Self-Image

Teens' Feelings of Uniqueness – “You just don’t understand!”

The Magical Thinking of Teens - "It Will Never Happen to Me“

Thinking About ValuesQuestioning of Beliefs - "I don't believe in that anymore"

Seeing the Picture as Only Black or White - "Don't talk to me about honesty! You're dishonest, and I'm not going to listen to you anymore"

Allowing for Growth and Development

Maturing of Thought

Career Interests• Peer group influences interests and clothing styles• Mostly interested in present and near future• Greater abil ity to work

Sexuality• Girls ahead of boys• Same-sex friends and group activities• Shyness, blushing and modesty• Show-off qualities• Greater interest in privacy• Experimentation with body• Worries about being normal

Ethics and Self-Direction• Rule and limit-testing• Occasional experimentation with cigarettes, marijuana and alcohol• Capacity for abstract thought

NORMAL ADOLESCENT DEVELOPMENTEarly Adolescence (12-14 years)

Movement Towards Independence• Struggle with sense of identity• Moodiness• Improved abilities to use speech to express oneself• More l ikely to express feelings by action than by words• Close friendships gain importance• Less affection shown to parents, with occasional rudeness• Realization that parents are not perfect; identification of their faults• Search for new people to love in addition to parents• Tendency to return to childish behavior

Middle Adolescence (14-17 years)

Movement Towards Independence• Self- involvement, a lternating between unreal istical ly high expectations and poor self-concept• Complaints that parents interfere with independence• Extremely concerned with appearance and with one’s body• Feel ings of strangeness about one’s self and body• Lowered opinion of parents, withdrawal of emotions from them• Effort to make new fr iends• Strong emphasis on the peer group• Periods of sadness as the psychological loss of the parents takes place

Career Interests• Examination of inner experiences, which may include writing a diary• Intel lectual interests gain importance

Sexuality• Concerns about sexual attractiveness• Frequently changing relationships• Movement towards heterosexual ity with fears of homosexuality• Tenderness and fears shown toward opposite sex• Feel ings of love and passion

Ethics and Self-Direction• Development of ideals and selection of role models• More consistent evidence of conscience• Greater capacity for setting goals• Interest in moral reasoning

Late Adolescence (17-19 years)

Movement Towards Independence• Firmer identity• Ability to delay gratification• Ability to think ideas through• Ability to express feelings in words• More developed sense of humor• Stable interests• Greater emotional stabil ity• Ability to make independent decisions• Ability to compromise• Pride in one’s work• Self-reliance• Greater concern for others

Career Interests• More defined work habits• Higher level of concern for the future• Thoughts about one’s role in l ife

Sexuality• Concerned with serious relationships• Clear sexual identity• Capacities for tender and sensual love

Ethics and Self-Direction• Capable of useful insight• Stress on personal dignity and self-esteem• Abil ity to set goals and follow through• Acceptance of social institutions and cultural traditions• Self-regulation of self-esteem