Wilma J. Ruffin, Ph.D.Alabama Cooperative Extension System

Alabama A&M University

Ninety-four percent of Americans become grandparents at some point

in their lives.

Hold the soul of the world together……one kiss; one smile; one hug; one kind

word at a time.

• Help children feel secure

• Give unconditional love

• Work as a team with parents

• Are guardians of two generations

• Provide family history

Grandparents are:Grandparents are:

• Role models

• Teachers

• Spiritual Guides

• Caretakers

• Non-judgmental

The backbone of our society-Family is defined as any two or more people

living together in one household.

Limitations of this definition excludes family diversity, the broader definition:

Two or more individuals who share a common dwelling, pool resources, and may or may not have children.

Regardless of family structure, families have strengths.

Family Flexibility--

The ability to deal with stress, have spiritual beliefs, cooperation, view crises as a challenge rather than denying them, and growing closer together when working through crises.

Our image of a family is usually a father, mother, and

children.

In today’s world , that picture doesn’t always reflect reality. Often children go home after school to grandparent-headed households

with grandparents as the primary caregiver.

Life as a Parenting Life as a Parenting GrandparentGrandparent

It Wasn’t Supposed to Be Like It Wasn’t Supposed to Be Like This:This:

7.2%

11.8%

8.4%10.1%

13.4%

8.9%

12.8%

9.2%

0.0%

2.0%

4.0%

6.0%

8.0%

10.0%

12.0%

14.0%

16.0%

United States Alabama Madison County Mobile County

2000 2005

Children 18 and Under Being Raised by a Relative, 2000 and 2005

Source: 2000 U.S. Census, Table P28; 2005 Community Survey, Table BO9003

GrandparentGrandparent ~ Maintained Families

~In 2000, there were over 2.5 million

grandparent-headed families with or without parents present. Together, these families cared

for over 4.5 million children or 6.3% of all children.

There were 1.7 million grandparent-headed families with one or more parents present-32% contain both grandparents-29% contain grandmothers only

GrandparentGrandparent~ Maintained Families ~

There were over 1 million grandparent-headed families without parents present

-19% contain both grandparents-14% contain grandmothers only- 6% contain grandfathers only

Little Lump's Book of Blessings“I have Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa too.

Grandma and Grandpa give big hugs and kisses”.

Grand Parent Maintained Families

• Drugs

• Divorce

• Drugs

• Death

• Desertion• Deployment

Grandparent-Headed HouseholdsGrandparent-Headed HouseholdsOften Result From:Often Result From:

• Death of a parent• Child abuse and/or neglect•Abandonment•Teenage pregnancy•Alcohol and drug abuse•HIV/AIDS

•Unemployment•Incarceration•Divorce•Mental health problems•Family violence•Poverty

• How many grandchildren you have

and how they came to live with you.

Life ChangesLife Changes

• The decrease in your social life now that you’re a parent again.

• How your life is different from that of your friends.

• How your grandchildren have changed your work life.

• Your feelings about work.

Life ChangesLife Changes cont.

• The financial strain of raising a second family.

• The dreams and plans that have been put on hold.

• The toll on your health.

• Grief over the loss of your child

• Anger at your child, the situation, the system, everything

• Guilt

• Depression

• Feeling you don’t belong anywhere, neither with young parents nor with adults your age

• Feelings about not wanting to raise your grandchildren, but not wanting them split up or placed with strangers.

• Hopes for your grandchildren.

• The small rewards.

cont.

Parenting IssuesParenting Issues

• Changes in childrearing techniques since your children were young. • The effects of the parent’s visits on the child’s behavior and emotions.

• Dealing with school problems children might have.

• Setting age-appropriate consequences.

Parenting Issues Parenting Issues cont.

• Setting limits with grandchildren and adult children; what behaviors you will or will not tolerate

• How to raise your grandchild’s self-esteem

• How to help children who were born drug exposed

Parenting Issues Parenting Issues cont.

• Learning to accept that some grandchildren might need more help than you can provide.

• Learning to accept the fact that your son or daughter is choosing to be an irresponsible parent .

• When to decide that you have done enough for your adult child and that it’s time to let go.• Protecting yourself and your grandchildren

from your adult child.

The Rest of Your The Rest of Your FamilyFamily

• The reaction of other children and family members to your becoming a parent again

.• Handling sibling rivalry

• The effects of second parenthood on your marriage

• How to negotiate the bureaucracy of government agencies and “the system”

• The frustration with a system that was set up to protect your grandchildren but often doesn’t

• What groups can do to help change the system

Some Challenges of Grandparent Headed Households

• The Generation Gap• Energy required for activities, especially young children• Health challenges that may limit activity• Embarrassment of grandchildren because grandparents are

older their peers’ parents• Grandchildren miss the joy and privileges of the grandparent

role—”being spoiled”• Grandchildren miss the opportunity to share events with their

parents and grandparents.• Efforts to maintain positive relationship/attitudes with biological

parent(s).• Financial strains

Strengths of Grandparent Headed Households

• Grandparents are often more patient

• Grandparents tend to be more available

• Grandparents are more accepting of the child’s uniqueness, are less critical

• Grandparents have prior parenting experience

• If retired, they have more time to share activities

• They sometimes have a solid financial base

• The joy the children and grandparents bring to each others’ lives

How We Can Help Grandparent Headed-Households Thrive!

• Emotional support from family members• Support from: schools, churches,

cooperative extension, universities, and family focused agencies

• Influence legislation and laws that empower grandparent headed-households to acquire the resources needed to sustain and strengthen their family.

The Support Groups Provide:The Support Groups Provide:

•Emotional & Social Support

•Parenting & Discipline Techniques and Issues

•How To Deal With Adult Children

•Relaxation and How to Deal with Stress

Referrals for Special Services

The Support Groups Provide:The Support Groups Provide:

•Respite Care

•Educational information such as enrolling children in school, help with torturing and special needs

•Physical and Mental Health Needs

•Practical information on a variety of topics

•Legal Issues

The Support Groups Provide:The Support Groups Provide:

One Grandmother said,

“Basically, I wanted to meet other women who were doing the same thing that I was. Sometimes people don’t understand why you decide to actually take the responsibility for your grandchildren, and there can be some pressure on you.”

The Support Groups Provide:The Support Groups Provide:

•Respite Care

•Educational information such as enrolling children in school, help with torturing and special needs

•Physical and Mental Health Needs

•Practical information on a variety of topics

•Legal Issues

In response to an overwhelming need, the Alabama Cooperative Extension System, Urban Affairs and New Nontraditional Programs Unit initiated a Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Program (GRG). Using the

following steps:

1. Local community meeting—Satellite Conference from University of Wisconsin Cooperative Extension on GRG.

2. At the end of Satellite Conference, interested persons were asked to sign a list for further discussion.

3. Fourteen persons signed the list—representing 5 agencies and grandparents.

…3. DHR-Kinship Care, AARP, TARCOG (Area Agency on Aging)

Alabama CARES, Huntsville Times (News Paper), Extension Agents, and Grandparents.

4. In 2001, formed local Madison County Urban Workgroup with above listed community partners.

5. Radio & TV PSAs and news paper articles ANNOUNCED…

5. …Community meeting at Madison County Senior Center.

6. Conducted community meetings:

• gave overview of GRG

• available resources

• discussed legal issues

• how to organize a support group

…meetings provided information to community on GRG issues.

7. Offered opportunities to start support groups in Madison County.

8. Started a Madison County Support Group.

9. Support Groups have been organized across the state.

…Madison County Support Group began meeting and the workgroup also operated as a Community Network.

…Dekalb, Marshall, Jackson, Cherokee, & Etowah Counties’ Support Groups have formed a

Community Network.

The local (workgroup) Community Network applied for and received a statewide grant from the Brookdale Foundation of New York City.

The charge of the statewide grant was to establish and provide technical support for support groups statewide.

The charge was met by establishing independent groups and community networks.

...continued

The grant received from the Brookdale Foundation was the impetus for forming the Statewide Steering committee/coalition-Inter-System “Task Force”. The statewide coalition, Alabama RAPP, was formed (2002) to address issues through support groups and proposed state legislation.

...continued

Alabama RAPP is unique, it addresses the needs of grandparents raising grandchildren as well as relatives raising related children . The statewide coalition is comprised of four state agencies, with the Alabama Cooperative Extension System serving as the lead organization. (The structure models the original

work group).

Alabama AARP became a primary partner of the

statewide steering committee.

•Sponsored state network meeting at their office located in the capital city-Montgomery, AL.

•Co-sponsored four Regional Conferences.

•Developed a statewide resource guide.

Community Meeting –Judge Speaking to group.

The original work group model is now the community network model used to organize and structure community educational programs and support groups.

Fourteen organized RAPP groups are active in Alabama; some are in a community network.

All groups, except one, originated through the Alabama Cooperative Extension System.

RAPP groups receive mini-grants.

RAPP Respite and Resource Retreats are events organized for RAPP members and their families to provide special opportunities for fellowship and resource sharing. Blount’s R & R RAPP Retreats are a method of revitalizing and strengthening group members and their families.

Alabama RAPP Statewide Network SUCCESS!

Conducted four Regional Conferences in four years.

Co-Sponsored Christmas Angel tree for 35 families.

Meet annually to develop plan of work for the year.

Co-sponsoring a tri-state conference. TAG-Tennessee, Alabama & Georgia: Caring for the Caregiver-2006. Co-sponsored a multi state conference to include 8 states-2008.

Local groups sponsor and conduct a variety of programs.