Advanced Communication Skills - Mediate.com
Transcript of Advanced Communication Skills - Mediate.com
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Online MediationCommunication Skills
Jim Melamed
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Your Theory of Mediation?For me: it is: “Maximizing Mediation” – Why?1. Maximizing each participant’s individual ability to best
take part (resourceful empowerment)2. Maximizing participants’ ability to work together; and3. Maximizing each participant’s substantive satisfaction
Organizing our head around “empowerment,” “competency” and “negotiation power”
Reconciling Maximization with impartiality and neutrality
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Rapport● Rapport = Matching, Pacing & Leading - Cross Matching● All aspects are relevant: tone, key words, breathing, dress ● Attempting to take a facilitative lead is a test for rapport ● Bonding Language to use:
Appreciating that . . . Understanding that you feel . . . Acknowledging that . . . Assuming that . . . Respecting that . . . Accepting that . . .
● Distancing Language to avoid: I think . . . You should . . . But . . . However . . .
● Working with beliefs and resistance
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Resource States● Resource States are available from people’s work and
avocations● Resource states are what people most like to do and feel
most competent doing ● Resource States offer “journey” metaphoric data-bases
for use in mediation ● Mediation is “just like …”(your most familiar or favorite journey)● Journeys tend to have beginnings, middles and ends,
and pick up momentum along the way
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Question Forms
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Key Questions
outcome questioning
the evidence question
cumulating outcomes
the conditional close
the reference point process
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The Problem-Solving Frame
How can we best . . . ?
and
What is the best way for us to . . . ?
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Anticipatory Time Framing
How about we hear from each of you for a couple of minutes as to your biggest concerns . . .
In sum, what are your thoughts regarding . . .
Briefly, what would you say . . .
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Getting CurrentAcknowledgment & Venting
“What are all of the things that you want to say to the other to move on?”
(only one rule: no repetition)
Revisit this discussion frame as needed
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Easy Points of Agreement
Homework:(helpful technique following any relational venting)
“What are all of the things that youmight possibly easily agree upon?”
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De-positioning to Interests & Positive Intentions
De-positionwith the magic word: Imagine
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Indirect Techniques
Quotes
Speaking Through Another Voice
Normative Stories
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A Theoretic Model• Desired Outcomes, Interests and Positive Intentions
Give Direction to Agreement
• Intrinsic Attraction to Agreement, De-positioning, New Perspectives, Doubt and Dissonance
Create Needed Flexibility
• Principles, Standards, Rationales, RationalizationsProvide a needed Face-Saving Rationalemaking agreeing safe and wise
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Sample Contact Page
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Sample Mediator Opening• Introductions• Prior Contacts• Define and Describe Process• Impartiality/Neutrality• Logistics• Caucus• Confidentiality & Privacy• Suggested Ground Rules• Answer Questions• Joint Commitment
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Resolving Pressing Issues
• Interim• Not precedential• Not admissible• Retroactive application of
eventual resolution (or further consideration)
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Problem Solving Agenda1. Identify Desired Information & Documentation2. Share Perspectives3. Identify Easy Points of Agreement & Shared Interests4. Establish Problem Solving Frames5. Discuss and Negotiate
• Interests, Positive Intentions, Goals• Option Identification• Selection Decisions• Package Dealing• Integration
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Sharing Perspectives■ Early Notice■ Anticipatory Time Framing■ Presume Disagreement■ Semi-Active Listening■ Gentle Inquiry■ Summarize Golden Nuggets■ Feedback & Refine Summary■ Confirm Heard - Acknowledgement by other
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Mediation Strategies• Interest-Based Option Development• Hypothesis Generation and Testing (Guessing)• Doubt and Dissonance (Heat)