A Study of Safewords in BDSM

It's easy to explain a safeword it's a word that will protect you and keep you from harm. There usually are three levels, and ofthen they are connected to the colors of a traffic light. Use green as a safe level, yellow as slow down, you're approaching a limit, or red as stop, right now, you are hurting me. Naturally, not everyone uses colors to explain this. It is, however, easy to start explaining using this assumption. Let's explain every light.

Red -Stop, we've gone to far and the scene must end immediately. No one should ever attempt to renegotiate once this safeword has been used. For both Tops and bottoms this scene is over. If your playing with someone who does not respect your safeword odds are they are not going to respect the limitations you have negotiated. This might be the time to be sane and discontinue play with this particular person. Also as a bottom you have your own set of responsibilities. Never forget the story of the Boy that cried Wolf. Just because you need to switch positions does not mean its time to use the ultimate safeword. Safe-wording when you truly don't need to will set limitations that the Top you are playing with will remember the next time you play. For example: You've been playing with a deerskin flogger and your top switches to a bull, you safeword because your knees are sore, if this isn't communicated to the Top, odds are the Top isn't going to attempt to use a bull flogger on you again.

Yellow Now, this is not over the limit yet, but it does ask for slowing down/ I don't think I can hold much more, it is still something I want, but we are approaching my limit. When the bottom uses this word, it means it is in a kind of discomfort, whether from pain, or the position is getting uncomfortable. The top is expected to check on the bottom, see what the matter is, and change the way they play.

Green Used to communicate that everything is fine and you haven't reached the limit. Often, it is used when trying to move the limits you have already achieved Many find out that, once you start, limitations move, and the thinking I'll never try this can just leave the room to the mind's games, and make you want to try more and more.

I have mentioned colors in above examples, but often this is not the case. Also, if you are talking about a larger group, about big dungeons for example, the safeword is often safeword. It makes it easier on the monitors to understand they have to interfere.

Safewords are not used just to prevent physical damage. It can often be psychological, and these words are more than important in order to prevent from passing this barrier.

It is extremely important to keep in mind that not everyone in the group knows your safewords. If a big party is at hand, dungeon monitor may tell everyone the safeword. However, it's a bit complicated to tell it to every single person, one by one. It is important however, to always keep track and not to miss if someone is getting too tough.

The different ways we play.

Sometimes, the bottom is not allowed or able to speak. In order to keep a safeword, and yet keep silent, a bottom gets another way to utter the safeword, like snapping fingers, or holding and dropping something, for example.

The safeword may also be played it can be a part of the play, like I wonder if I could (and now somethng saucy), or, if playing interrogation, it can be the right answer to the question, and of course, leaves room for lying.

There is also an option to agree to play beyond the safeword. When the bottom says the safeword, the top decides whether to go on, or stop. It can make a stronger effect and feeling of controll, but it also puts a great responsibility on the top.

There is always an option to play without safewords. However, this type of play demands from both to be quite intimate, so the top can understand all the responses, and know exactly when to stop or slow down.

The fear of safewords is present, especially in groups plenty of people are actually afraid to get embarrassed by their low level of dexterity, or they are afraid to leave the top wanting.

Does a safeword make you safe? Hell no. You have to know your partner and trust them just having the safeword doesn't mean the partner will respect it. Also, when the endorphin kicks in, the bottom may not even be aware that they have crossed the line, and the top must be aware enough to stop it before they do serious damage.

Begging can be a great way of making your safewords. It can produce just the right effect, and be much more personal than the simple color or just a word. It can bring the whole play to a completely different leve.

Authors Note: I do not conform to the philosophy that everyone must use a safeword as I do not tend to use them when I play unless a bottom specifically asks for one.. This article is written as a study of safewords, their use and non use. As in all play it is not my place to judge others uses of safewords or other types of play among adult spanking singles.