A Silver Lining in Every Cloud? Or Chasing Away the Clouds?

Teaching Optimism

Marilyn F. Rasmussen, Ph.D.Rose Stee, M.Ed.Christine Kayl, R.D.South Dakota State University

Children, Youth & Families At-Risk Conference Chicago, 2007

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

–Winston Churchill

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll, the optimist sees the doughnut and the pessimist sees the hole.

-Oscar Wilde, Playwright, author

In the long run, the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.

-Daniel L. Reardon, Writer, poet

The average pencil is 7 inches long with just a ½ inch eraser – in case you thought optimism was dead.

-Robert Brault, American poet

Teaching is the greatest act of optimism. -Colleen Wilcox, poet

Glass half-full? Glass half-empty? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? You win at the game of Jeopardy with

your roommate. As you are strolling through the park, you

find a $5.00 bill. No one else is around. Someone compliments the pair of shoes

you are wearing.

Are you an Optimist or a Pessimist?

Someone shakes their fist at you while you are in traffic on a busy street.

You have planned a family potluck picnic at the park but it is rainy and looks like it will rain all day.

You just finished a lengthy project for your supervisor and her response to you is a hasty, “Good work, thanks.”

How You Think About ProblemsMe vs. Not Me

Do you blame yourself when something goes wrong or there is a problem?

Excessively?*Karen Reivich, Penn Resiliency ProjectUniversity of Pennsylvania

Do you look outside yourself for an explanation?

It is important to warn that this is not the same as taking responsibility when it is deserved.

How You Think About ProblemsAlways vs. Not Always

Do you believe that the problem will persist forever and you can’t do anything to change it?

Do you think that the causes are passing and that you have some control over the circumstances?

How You Think About Problems Everything vs. Not Everything

The Everything person thinks the problem will spill into every domain of his/her life and will be ongoing.

The Not Everything person is good at defining the problem as specific to this situation.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

Optimistic Children Source of resiliency

among both healthy and ill children

Less at risk for depression

Higher self worth Higher sense of

competence

Pessimistic Children Lower self-esteem Greater risk of

depression and suicide

Peer problems

Sydney Ey, et al (2005) Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry

Can Optimism be Taught?

Optimists:Recognize that they can experience a

wide range of emotionsUnderstand that moods affect attitudes but

mood does not necessarily reflect realityOptimists can be in control of their

expression of emotions, in charge of their own emotions.

Changing your Mind-Set from Pessimistic to Optimistic

Capture what you say. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Me? Always? Everything?

Challenge your inner voice. When thoughts are negative, ask yourself, is there another way to think about this?

Changing your Mind-Set from Pessimistic to Optimistic

Generate alternatives. What are the “not me, not always, or not everything” alternatives?

Put it in perspective. What are the consequences? What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best outcome that is possible? Extremes are usually ridiculous. This forces us to look for “the most likely.”

First Step in Teaching Optimism

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Quality time for yourself Time with friends you can talk

to, including same gender friends

Exercise and good nutrition Spend time with nature Meditation, self-reflection, quiet

time

Encouragement and Praise

Rose SteeYouth Development/4-H Educator

Encouragement vs. PraiseWhat’s the difference?

Praise may create undue pressures

Encouragement builds self-confidence

Encouragement Praise

Self-Evaluation Tell me about it How can you learn from

this experience? How do you feel about it?

Behavior-focus What skills are you

learning from this game? Who can tell me the rule?

Praise I like what you are doing Good job; good work You look good You were the best

Achieving Skills You are such a good girl You got first place! You are better than the

rest

Encouragement Praise

Empathy I see you are angry I know you were hurt

by the booing but you handled it well

I see that playing soccer makes you smile

Conformity You did it right You followed the rules You’re a good sport I know just how you

feel

Encouragement Praise

Self-disclosing “I” message I felt proud when you led

your teammates over to shake hands with the other team

I appreciate your working together as a team

I feel happy when you sing

I feel encouraged when you and your brother work together

Judgmental “I” message I’m proud of you You never make a

mistake I know you have worked

hard I like your aggressive

behavior on the playing field

I understand you are upset about your team’s loss

Encouragement Activity

Purpose: Build Self-Esteem

Activity:Divide into pairs or groups Using the worksheet, look over the

phrases listed under “Praise” As a group come up with words or phrases

to help build a youth’s self-esteem by encouragement rather than praise

Encouragement Activity – Reflection Which encouragement statements were most

difficult to develop? Self-evaluation Addressing behavior Empathy Self-disclosing “I” messages

Which were the easiest to develop?How have you previously used encouragement in

working with youth?What challenges have you encountered as you

tried to use encouraging remarks?What did you learn about yourself when doing this

activity?

Monitor Your Use of Praise to Children

Praise to Avoid General, non-specific leads to vulnerability and sense of

self-worth dependent on that praise Praise for a fixed-trait, such as intelligence or musical

talent, may lead to worry about failure and therefore child avoids taking risks.

Appropriate Praise Achievement – what child does. Be specific “good use of

color in that picture” not “good job” Process – how the child does it. Examples: for effort, for

inventiveness, or for keeping at it. Person – who the child is. Valued for who they are. “I like

having you in my group. Your smile is contagious.”

Optimism in 4-H

Application of a Characteristic

Christine Kayl

The Circle of Meeting Youth Needs

• Youth characteristics and behaviors impact whether they will get needs met in new situations.

• Adult responses to needs impact development of characteristics and behaviors in youth.

Slide developed by Cathann Kress- Director Youth Development. National 4-H Headquarters.

Response - Increases Characteristic or Behavior

Behavior or Characteristic Impacts Type of

Response

Need Met or Unmet

Optimism and Needs

4-H aspires to help youth develop and “grow” their internal and external assets

The internal characteristic of optimism (or lack of optimism) can be positively influenced by teaching youth self-examination skills and by building their positive self-worth

An optimistic outlook or attitude generally elicits a positive response from other youth and adults

Need

Rational Response

Optimism

Fostering Optimism in Youth The 4-H Model

Learning by doingCommunity spirit and social capitalYouth developmentFour Essential Elements of 4-H

Independence Belonging Generosity Mastery

Independence

ResponsibilitySelf determinationSelf disciplineBetter understanding of oneselfIndependent thinkers“I pledge my head to clearer thinking…”

Independence and Optimism

Responsibility for actions and reactionsAbility to accept strengths and deficits

Make realistic goals and plans Competency to challenge oneself

Confidence to take roads less traveledSelf esteem

Belonging

Positive relationship with a caring adultAn inclusive environmentA safe environment

Physically and emotionally

“I pledge my heart to greater loyalty…”

Belonging and Optimism

“Safe and inclusive environment”- a place to practice optimism Individual Group

Social interaction skills for a lifetime College Workplace Marriage Community

Generosity

Value and practice service to othersDemonstrates meaning and purposeBig picture“I pledge my hands to larger service…”

Generosity and Optimism

Increased awareness of self and OTHERS Everyone may need a helping hand at one point One’s reactions/actions may affect others

People and events are inherently good Hope Trust

Mastery

Engagement in learning Able to see oneself as an active participant in

the future Safe environment to make mistakes and

receive feedbackOpportunity to feel capable

Success at solving problems Meeting Challenges

“I pledge my health to better living…”

Mastery and Optimism

Take a chance and tryAccept success and failure

Take another chance and try

PracticePlan for the best outcomeMake mastery and confidence a lifelong

habit

4-H & Optimism – Hand in Hand!

Essential elements Independence Belonging Generosity Mastery

An optimistic attitude will assist youth in having their needs met

Application and practice of optimism as a lifetime skill

The ABC Model (Martin Seligman) Teaching Children the ABC’s of an Optimistic Approach to Life

Adversity – any negative eventBeliefsConsequences – how you feel and behave

following the adversity

Beliefs can be the cause of a particular consequence *Albert Ellis, Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy.

Basic Skills of Optimism

1. Thought catching – recognize the thoughts that cross your mind at the time you feel the worst.

2. Evaluate these thoughts. Acknowledge the things that you say to yourself are not necessarily accurate.

3. Generate more accurate explanations when bad things happen.

4. Decatastrophize! Do you only think of the worst case scenario?

The ABC Model – Martin Seligman

Key Point: how a child feels doesn’t come out of the blue and isn’t determined by things that happen to him. It is what he says to himself when problems arise that makes him feel the way he does. When he feels mad, sad or afraid, there was a thought that triggered that feeling. If he uncovers the thought, he can change how he feels.

The ABC ModelAdversity – Belief – Consequence

You get into a fight with your best friend.Sad – Now I don’t have any friendsMad – My friend was just being mean.Okay – We’ll make up and be friends

again soon

The ABC Model

You get a low mark on your spelling test.Scared – I’m going to get in big trouble at

home.Guilty – I’ve been goofing off too much

instead of studyingOkay – I can work hard and do better on

the next test.

The ABC Model

Your older brother is allowed to stay up late to play video games with his friends and you aren’t.

Mad – I’m never allowed to do anything fun.

Sad – They love him more than me. Okay – They took me to the movie last

Saturday and not him.

Thoughts – not adversity – cause feelings

Your work is always messy.

Why can’t you be more organized?

Angry thoughts:

Okay thoughts:

Thoughts – not adversity – cause feelings

No, thank you

Would you like to go to the skate park?

Sad thoughts:

Okay thoughts:

Thoughts – not adversity – cause feelings

Don’t waste your time.

Try another activity.

Did I make the team coach?

Angry thoughts:

Okay thoughts:

Thoughts – not adversity – cause feelings

Near her, Liz sees 2 girls whispering to

each other and looking in her direction.

Sad thoughts:

Okay thoughts:

Explanatory Style

Personal - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Impersonal Me vs. Not Me

Permanent - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TemporaryAlways vs. Not Always

Pervasive - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - SpecificEverything vs. Not Everything

Explanatory Style

PessimisticBelieve that I am the

sole cause of the problem (Personal)

Situation or problem is unchangeable (Permanent)

Problem will undermine every area of my life (Pervasive)

OptimisticOther causes, people or

explanations for the situation may exist (Impersonal)

Circumstances vary from situation to situation (Temporary)

Situation is specific to this problem and not every part of my life (Specific)

Learned Optimism is about AccuracyWarning – do not simplify the problem

Help child judge whether or not he is responsible. Being optimistic is not blaming everyone else and shirking responsibility. Being an optimist is not saying: “It’s not my fault.”

Empty optimism: “Everything is just wonderful!” Pollyanna.

The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, the realist adjusts the sails. -William Arthur Ward, Author

Children at risk for depression blame themselves whenever

things go wrong.

Although most problems result from a complex set of factors, these children often

think things are black or white. They feel worthless and guilty.

Consult parents and health care professionals if you suspect depression.

Signs of Depression in Young Children

Takes little pleasure from play & activities

Sadness Low energy Low self-esteem Hopelessness Guilt Difficulty

concentrating

Stomachaches or headaches

Weight/appetite changes

Excessive crying Restless Desire to be alone Difficulty making

friends or getting along

Depression Triggers

Insecure attachment Divorce or family conflict Death or illness in the

family Too little time with

primary caregiver Physical abuse, including

excessive punishment Lack of encouragement Being required to sit still

long periods of time

Persistent criticism Teasing or bullying Lack of consistent/ clear

boundaries Lack of contact with

nature Too much TV or violent

media Not having needs met:

safety, emotional security, attention or importance

References:

Ellis, A. (1996 rev.). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. NY: Carol Publishing.

Ey, S., Hadley, W., Allen, D.N., Palmer, S., Klosy, J., Deptula, D., Thomas, J., & Cohen, R. (2005). A new measure of children’s optimism and pessimism: The youth life orientation test. Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry. 45(5).

Kress, C. Essential Elements of 4-H Youth Development Murray, B. & Fortinberry, A. (2006). Raising an optimistic

child. New York: McGraw-Hill. Seligman, M.E.P. (2006). Learned optimism: How to change

your mind and your life. New York: Pocket Books. Seligman, M.E.P. (1995). The optimistic child. New York:

Harper Perennial.

On-Line Optimism Quizzes

http://www.myprimetime.com/health/optimism/optimism_quiz.jsp

http://www.bradfordcollege.ac.uk/college/research/allpd/Optimism.htm

http://stress.about.com/library/optimismquiz/bl_15optimism_quiz.htm

Questions or Comments?

Thank you

Promote a Sense of Mastery and Competence

1. Take a chance to try. Give a child a rich environment full of choices and let child know that you support her effort to try something new.

2. Accept both success and failure. Do what you can to provide appropriate challenges. But when outcome falls short - acknowledge the effort. “I know its frustrating but you tried and you get a little better each time you try.”

Promote a Sense of Mastery and Competence

3. Practice. Children need to experience success to build mastery. Identify and reinforce child’s areas of competence. Child is more likely to try and to gain competence in areas that the child is curious and enthusiastic about.

Promote a Sense of Mastery and Competence

4. Plan for the best outcome. Teach a child how to plan. Have child think about the possible outcomes and to plan for the best result and to think about a future reward for actions today. “If we save some of this paint for next week, we could paint pumpkins too.” Show how to opt for future rewards.

Promote a Sense of Mastery and Competence

5. Yes! Make optimism and confidence in a positive outcome a lifelong habit. YES! I CAN DO THAT! Recognition of one’s own competence – realistic appraisal of what she can and cannot do.