A Serious Comedian

8/12/2019 A Serious Comedian

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A SERIOUS COMEDIAN

A Play for Radio by

Aatish (Thuntwen)


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CHARACTER L!T "#R $A !ER#%!

C#&E'A

Hector Evans (Protagonist):*2 years old

(+oi,e- Clear. /ature. hint of 0ritish a,,ent)

(ob- Co/edian and riter)

SUPPORTING CAST

Pierre Modiano:32 years old ,lassi,al ,o/4oser5

(+oi,e- Hoarse and /ature. strong "ren,h a,,ent5)

Saant!a "ro#n:2* years old "e/ale5 eighbor to He,tor6s a4art/ent5

(+oi,e- Ty4i,al A/eri,an a,,ent)

$i%%ia He%%er: 78 years old 9l/ /a:er aggressi;ely 4ursuing the ser;i,es ofHe,tor5

E&TRAS

' C%aire Modiano- Pierre &odiano6s sister Ta*i Driver

+ C%,- Anno,ncer


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SCENE I: INT: APARTMENT: MORNING

HECT#R (#L#. footste4s. ,hairs /o;ing. news4a4er 4ages being

turned

HECT#R (#L#


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HECT#R (#L#


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HECT#R- :now who you are5 :now what you do5 e;en :now what you

want fro/ /e Heller5 a/ not interested in it5 # 4lease do not ,all /e

again5

!"=- Pone hung u4. footste4s. door o4ening5

SCENE II: INT: STAIR$A.: MORNING

!"=- "ootste4s

!A&- (+5#)


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HECT#R- #h Nthon 12OthA;enue

&%!C- &a,hito Tanga

!"=- !treet sounds as ba,:ground

HECT#R- (#L#


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!"=- 'oor Kno,:

PERRE- (#"") Entrez!t6s o4en

!"=- 'oor:nob turn. 'oor o4ens

HECT#R- BonjourPierre

PERRE- Ah? BonjourHe,tor need your o4inion on so/ething ha;e

written5 ould you ,are to listen@

HECT#R- Certainly

&%!C- Ballade pour lapres midi Aatish (PA#)

!"=- "ootste4s. refrigerator door o4ens. CA o4ens

&%!C C#T%E! (Total &usi, duration 81-83)

PERRE- t is not 9nished yet (CH%CKLE) what do you thin:@

HECT#R- ell thin: it is one of beauty and 9nd it originating out of

/4ressionisti, tradition? but. of ,ourse. it6s Just /y o4inion (#"") its

best laughed u4on5

!"=- !i44ing fro/ the CA

HECT#R- hat ,o/4ositional te,hniues did you e/4loy@PERRE- (LA%


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PERRE- hat did they say@

HECT#R- #nly they :now ha;en6t had the 4leasure of reading the

glorious literature5 (PA%!E) "a/iliariBe /e with /ore $Tigerism Pierre

&%!C- 0allade Pour l6a4res /idi (&usi, Ti/e 88-13)

SCENE /: INT: APT: MORNING

HECT#R- (#"") ('!TRE!!E' 'REA&) $&E'#CRT was substantial last

night5 $The "ire 'an,e in all its sub4ar glory failed to i/4ress the

unfortunate audien,e5 The feeling of disa44oint/ent was /ore than

/utual a/ongst the horri9ed ;iewers. it ;erged on unani/ous5 Talent

eists in this world but it is e;ident that He,tor E;ans has :e4t all his

talented eggs in a single fantasti, bas:et. (!H#RT PA%!E) C#&E'5 His

absen,e fro/ the world of ,o/edy has been felt by /any but if he

de,ides to rest his 4ens the world would not noti,e5

!"=- Large ,rowd laughing

!"=- !har4 !,ree,h

HECT#R- ( '!TRE!!) ooooo

!"=- !tu/bling. Clattering

HECT#R- (+5#) !to4 laughing? !T#P

!"=- 'oor o4ens loudly

!A&- esus Christ He,. what6s ha44enin6 (L#%') HEC

HECT#R- (H!PER


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!A&- Here? #4en u45

!"=- !i44ing

!A&- Are you a6right He,@

HECT#R- es

!"=- Loud !,ree,hing

!A&- (PAC) He, He, He,tor #h /y god

!"=- !obbing !a/

!A&- (#"") a:e u4 He, (PA%!E) wa:e u45

!"=- !obbing !a/ ("#R !%0!TATAL A%T #" T&E &A=&%&

81-88)

HECT#R- h? hat are? y? ou doing?here@

!A&- Hey555 Hey wa:e u45 a:e u45

HECT#R- h? hat ha44ened@

!A&- ou were s,rea/ing and?and !ha:ing and? 4assed out5 'on6t you

re/e/ber@

HECT#R- That6s all 9ne? but how did you get in and?w? why are you,rying@

!A&- ust showing ,on,ern He, t6s only nor/al after seeing all this.

you :now5

HECT#R!- #h this is not so/ething to ,ry about5

!A&- hat do you /ean@

HECT#R- t6s nothing5 6;e had it sin,e ,hildhood5 6/ used to the 4ainnow5

!A&- 0u? 0ut all that s,rea/ing and? and sha:ing@

HECT#R- othing to worry about here !a/antha5

!A&- !A& ("AT CH%CKLE)


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HECT#R- es !A& (PA%!E) ow 6/ sure you ha;e /ore i/4ortant

/atters to attend to5

!A&- Are you sure you6ll be a6right@

HECT#R- Positi;e5

!"=- "ootste4s. door o4ens

!A&- oh Al/ost forgot? There was a strange fella as:ing for you

yesterday@

HECT#R- "or /e@ ho@ here@

!A&- es He was outside the lobby as:ing e;eryone about you5 hat

was his na/e now ill? hat was it@ illia/ eh? u/ yes illia/

Heller5

HECT#R- (#L#


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SCENE /I: E&T: STREET:

E/ENING

!"=- !treet noises

LLA&- &r5 E;ans5

HECT#R- h? hat Heller@ Are you following /e@

LLA&- /eant to use /ore ,i;iliBed o4tions but you left /e with no

,hoi,e5

HECT#R- ell then you /ust be C+LE' enough to understand that

ha;e no interest in being of any ser;i,e to you or your intentions5

LLA&- All want fro/ you is the 4er/ission to /a:e a 9l/5 a/ ready

to 4ay you any a/ount of /oney you desire. 4lease Just say what will it

ta:e for your ,oo4eration5 a/ ready to /eet any de/and of yours5

HECT#R- f it is /oney desired would ha;e ,ontinued wor:ing at the

,lub. /a:ing 4eo4le laugh5

LLA&- ell then. hat is it that you desire &r5 E;ans@

HECT#R- Currently desire to be left alone to /y own de;i,es5

LLA&- ,an ,hange the 4eo4le6s 4er,e4tion of you &r5 E;ans5 (!H#RT

PA%!E) ,an ,hange the way 4eo4le loo: at you fore;er5


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HECT#R- And Just how do you 4ro4ose to do that5 LE!. "ATA!. CHEAT@

LLA&- o He,tor5 TR%TH5 ,an gi;e the/ the TR%TH

HECT#R- hat do you :now about the truth@

LLA&- #TH


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HECT#R- s there anything else@

!A&- o5 ish ,ould hel4 He,5

HECT#R- 0agels are :ind enough fro/ you 4lease don6t trouble yourself

any /ore5

!A&- ell? you ta:e ,are of yourself now5 ha;e to go5

HECT#R- ou too5 Than:s again for the bagels5

!"=- "ootste4s. door ,loses5

HECT#R- (#L#


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!"=- Loud grou4 laughter5

HECT#R- (+5#) "orefront of the fashion rebels5 E!

!"=- A44laud. Laughter

!"=- Laughter. Peo4le tal:ing

HECT#R- (#L#


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!"=- ews4a4er turning

HECT#R- (#L#


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SCENE &: INT: PIERRE0S APT:

A2TERNOON

!"=- PA# PLA the sau,e4an. the stea/. the fragran,e that ,a/e out t

was a real Joy

HECT#R- (REA'


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/arry her. now you say you won6t ? the de;il alone :nows whi,h5 et

you ga;e /e your word of honour !o you won6t /arry her. then@

HECT#R- (REA'


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HECT#R- (#L#


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LLA&- ATCH. CALL A' "#LL#

!"=- Tai door shuts

LLA&- %4town :ee4 going till tell you to sto45

!"=- Tai de4arts

SCENE &/I: INT: PIERRE0S APT:

E/ENING

PERRE- Another 4lay@

HECT#R- t /ight be a des4erate ,lut,h of the last straw Pierre but

will 4rodu,e another 4lay5PERRE- ou ha;e to sto4 He,tor5 !to4? 'on6t you see you6re stu,: in a

loo4@ hate;er you want eludes you. He,tor5 hile you 4ursue that

desire whate;er you ho4e to a;oid ,o/es to you5 ou need to sto4 and

reVe,t on this5

HECT#R- o Pierre. these are Just ideas and? and thoughts5 ,annot

sto4 /yself fro/ trying to a,hie;e what want for the fear of gaining

what do not5

PERRE- (L#%') #% CA !T#P5

HECT#R- (L#%') !T#P@ And do what Pierre@ 'o hat@

PERRE- (L#%')


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SCENE &/II: INT: $I11IAM0S O22ICE:

E/ENING

!"=- Phones ringing

(!H#RT PA%!E)

LLA&- es

(!H#RT PA%!E)

LLA&- here@

(!H#RT PA%!E)

LLA&- A6right5 Let hi/ :now he6s being followed5

(!H#RT PA%!E)

LLA&- 0o hi/ in to the alley5 'o not let hi/ into his roo/5

(!H#RT PA%!E)

LLA&- 6ll be there soon5

(!H#RT PA%!E)

LLA&- 'o you understand5 'o not let hi/ into his roo/5

!"=- Phone hung u4

LLA&- (A


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SCENE &/III: E&T: STREET: E/ENING

!"=- !treet sounds

!"=- 'ustbin against ea,h other

LLA&- ou little 4ri,:5

!"=- He,tor being held. !truggle

LLA&- need that story whether you li:e it or not5

!"=- Car horn

LLA&- ou thin: you ,an hide fro/ /e@

HECT#R- (!TR%


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&%!C- 0[la 0art\: !tring Yuartet o5 7 &o;5 3 (88- 18)

SCENE &I&: INT: APT: MORNING

!"=- Refrigerator o4ens. CA o4ening. !to;es being turned on. Coo:ing

sounds

(C#T%E !#%'!)

!"=- !to;es turned o>. footste4s. ,hairs /o;ing. news4a4er 4ages being

turned

&%!C- !uite fro/ !wan La:e. #45 28 !,ene Pas d]a,tion (A,t )

(REA' $ACT )

HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'


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X*nna gets up and danes per$etlyZ



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HECT#R- (RT< A' REA'er /ental

trau/a5 He in the hos4ital now5 thin: they ta:e hi/ to the ,raBy

4eo4le Jail later5

HECT#R- &ental trau/a@ hat ha44ened here@

CLARE- The do,tor ,alled /e that Pierre went ,raBy and ,o/e here

fro/ "ran,e today5 ho are you@

HECT#R- a/ a friend of Pierre5 'o you :now whi,h hos4ital they too:hi/ to@

CLARE- o use5 They no allow ;isitors now5


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SCENE &&I: E&T: SU"$A.: NIGHT

!"=- Peo4le tal:ing

!"=- !A $THERE? THERE HE !

HECT#R- (!CREA&


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!"=- !A $Hey /an Are you o:ay@

HECT#R- h? ye5 es? a/ 9ne5 Than: ou5

HECT#R- (#L#


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HECT#R- (#"") (!CREA&. footste4s. ,hairs /o;ing. news4a4er 4ages being

turned

HECT#R- #il Pri,es? Again@? #h this is all Just so /onotonous5

!"=- He,tor throws the news4a4er away

!"=- Re,ord 4layer being used

&%!C- Ludwig +an 0eetho;en Piano !onata o5 17 in C !har4 &inor

Presto (&oonlight !onata)

!"=- "ootste4s

HECT#R- (#L#


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!"=- "or:s ,li,:ing

HECT#R- (+5#) &aybe need to buy a 4iano5 That6s it? A 4iano? or a

4ainting /anual? es That6s it? A 4ainting /anual? here will get

the /oney to buy a 4iano@ A 4ainting /anual? es

!"=- Chairs /o;ing

HECT#R- (#L#


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&%!C- !ergei Pro:o9e; Piano Con,erto o5 * in C. #45 2M The/e And

+ariations

HECT#R- (#L#


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HECT#R- &onotonous it /ay be but still hel4ful than all of you ,o/bined5

!"=- Pa4er turns

HECT#R- $ational ews hat6s ha44ening on this ,ountry of late@

!"=- !i44ing fro/ CA

HECT#R- $"rauds nabbed. $Parties in disagree/ent. $Co/4oser dies

!"=- Can 4ut down hea;ily on table

HECT#R- (TH !H#CK) Co/4oser dies

!"=- Pa4er rustle^

HECT#R- (REA'


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There shall you 9nd your old nest

"are thee well. lost soul. fare thee well

#n your /e/ories shall the days dwell

The dar: bird sings it6s gloo/y song

"or your soul shall we fore;er long

"are thee well. free soul. fare thee well

#n your /e/ories shall the days dwell

#ut of this world and then you6re free

hile those left behind drown in re;erie

"are thee well. dear friend. fare thee well

SCENE &&/: INT: APT: MORNING

!"=- !har4 s,ree,h

HECT#R- (PACK< 0%T H!PER


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!"=- Phone Rings

HECT#R- hu? huh

!"=- Phone Ring ,ontinues

!"=- "ootste4s

HECT#R- !to4

!"=- 'oor o4ens

!"=- Ta4 o4ens (Phone ringing in distan,e)

!"=- "ootste4s (Phone ringing sto4s)

HECT#R- !e;en? &orning

!"=- Phone ringins

HECT#R- How do get rid of you@

!"=- Phone ringing ,ontinues

HECT#R- #KA

!"=- "ootste4s (Phone ringing ,ontinues)

HECT#R- Hello

LLA&- Hello indeed He,tor5 ho4e you ha;e not forgotten /e5

HECT#R- ou6ll ha;e whate;er you want before the ti/e5 ow 4lease

sto4 ,alling /e5

!"=- Phone hung u4

HECT#R- (#L#


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!"=- 'oor :no,:

HECT#R- Already

!"=- 'oor :no,: louder

HECT#R- (#L# to this early@ (!H#RT PA%!E) He

/ust be in5

!"=- 'oor :no,:

!"=- 'oor Kno,: (fading)

SCENE &&/I: INT: APT: NIGHT

XThe following sounds rese/ble rando/. ;i;id and disturbing re,olle,tion

dan,ing around He,tor6s head during another one of his atta,:s5'ialogues are to be sounded in faded and $#"" /anner5Z

!"=- Heartbeat L#%' (REPEATE' THR#%


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!"=- $0agels. 6ll /a:e you su>er

!"=- 'oor :no,:s and 4hone rings together

HECT#R- ('L) o

!"=- $ou ,an sto4 He,tor. $ want the Truth. $Call /e !a/

!"=- !hort shar4 s,ree,h

!"=- 'oor :no,:s and 4hone rings together

HECT#R- !to4 it? !to4? Lea;e /e alone

!"=- Peo4le laughing and a44lauding

HECT#R- (!#00er

HECT#R- Hu/an tongue nooooo Cri/inal5

!"=- Rushing footste4s


!"=- Rushing footste4s

!"=- 'ishes ,lattering

!"=- $Hu/an tongue. $Cri/inals

HECT#R- !to4 it


HECT#R- Cri/inal?5

!"=- $'o it. $'o it

HECT#R- #KA


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!"=- Loud thud (fro/ He,tor fainting)

(*B-1L4TE -.LE/CE)

SCENE &&/II: INT: OUTSIDE HECTOR0S

APARTMENT: MORNING

!A&- (#"") es heard noises last night but when :no,:ed there was

no answer5

!"=- 'oor :no,:s

!A&- (#"") !ee you ,an6t hear anything5

!"=- 'oor Kno,:s

!A&- e need to bust the door o4en5 thin: so/ething terrible has

ha44ened here5

!"=- 'oor Kno,:s

!A&- 6/ telling you it6s no use5 Please let6s Just brea: in5

!"=- 'oor being busted o4en

!A&- here is he@

!"=- "ootste4s


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!A&- ou loo: in the bedroo/ and 6ll see the :it,hen5

!"=- "ootste4s

!A&- (!CREA&) #6 /y god Call S115 (!#00


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!"=- A/bulan,e arri;ing in distan,e

!A&- eah 6ll wait here5 They say he /ight wa:e u4 in an hour or two5

!"=-


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!A&- urse s he o:ay@ hy isn6t he tal:ing@

!A&- HEC He,tor E;ans why aren6t you tal:ing to /e@

!"=- "e/ale ;oi,e $He ,annot tal: now

!A&- hat@ hat do you /ean he ,an6t tal:@

!"=- 'oor o4ens

!A&- He, warn you not to torture /e so /u,h5 Tell /e what6s going

on@

(HECT#R #PE! H! %TH)

!A&- (!%RPR!E') hat in the? hy did you do this He,@

!"=- !A&ATHA sobbing

!A&- (!#00


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Hos4ital yesterday after being found un,ons,ious in his a4art/ent by his

neighbours5 #ne neighbor !a/antha brown said $ heard disturbing

noises fro/ his roo/ and he didn6t answer /y :no,:s5 et day we

bro:e into his roo/ and he was in the :it,hen un,ons,ious5 There was

blood all around hi/ and he was holding a :nife5 The do,tors at !t5

ohn6s hos4ital said that the reason behind the in,ident was 4urely4sy,hologi,al5 'r5 &ar;in Ai:on. the ,hief surgeon treating He,tor E;ans.

said $The body was ad/itted at M- *2 P& and was with a se;ered

tongue5 He,tor E;ans has regained ,ons,iousness but outsiders. well

wishers and /edia ha;e largely been :e4t out fro/ ,onta,ting hi/5

!"=- 0ang (fro/ illia/ banging on his des:)

SCENE &&&I: E&T: CENTRA1 PAR4:

MORNING

!"=- 0irds ,hir4ing

!"=- Peo4le tal:ing

HECT#R- (#L#


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THE END

A Serious Comedian

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