A Parents’ Guide to the College Application Process

Perspective

America believes in education:

The average professor earns more money in a

year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Evan Esar

Surviving Senior (and Junior) Year

What Parents and Counselors need to know about College-bound

students and themselves

Jerrold Lee Shapiro, Ph.D.

Professor, Department of Counseling Psychology, Santa Clara University, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

For the past 51 years I have been full time at Colleges and Universities

Colby College, A.B. Northwestern University, M.A. University of Waterloo (Ontario) Ph.D. St Bonaventure University University of Hawaii UCSC Santa Clara University (since 1982) Several others part time

Father of a 2004 college grad and a College Senior

Let’s begin with the TRUTH

You folks do a great job getting them ready The vast majority of undergrad students and

institutions are well suited for their 2 – 4 years. Most parents are happy with the final choice

Key Take-awaysPlan early

Apply early

Range of schools

Individualized level/type of support

Reality testing:

-- what median means

-- “telephone” fears

Fit vs. status

Hidden agenda

What do you hope you’ll leave with, but doubt that you will?

The myths that parents believe and counselors fail to debunk

The 4.2 GPA, 2350 SAT girl who was rejected at Bakersfield CC All good colleges have 25 applicants per place and are ultra-selective College costs $257,000 per child and financial aid is not available if

you own a home in California Unless you go to a top tier school, forget med school, law school, a

Ph.D. or …. Hamburger University You need a 4.2 GPS and a tutor for the SAT to get into Berkeley If I make a huge donation to Brown or Yale…

OK. The last one may be true!

A recent book reviewed by the Wall Street Journal

indicated that Hollywood Fame or a significant

financial donation can be equal to 300 SAT points

How to make one application stand out to the Director of Admissions

My son’s essayMy daughter

There are lots of great schools

Consider the lists to follow Don’t worry. You will have access to these

slides later.

Which one or type fits your child best?

Cal Tech Rice York (PA) Emory Richmond BC Lehigh Elon Wesleyan Williams Middlebury

Trinity, San Antonio Santa Clara Gonzaga Vanderbilt Haverford Claremont Pomona Occidental Davidson Willamette Colby

Top Lesser Known Private Schools

Top Lesser Known Private Schools cont.

Amherst Bates Macalester Bowdoin Providence Harvey Mudd Wake Forest

Bryn MAwr Grinnell Furman Davidson Skidmore Connecticut College Tufts

Best Public CollegesU.S. News 2010

UCB UCLA Virginia Michigan UNC William and Mary Georgia Tech UCSD UC D UCI

Washington Texas Wisconsin Penn State Illinois Florida Ohio State Purdue Georgia Maryland

Best Values in National UniversitiesUS News 2010

Yale Harvard Princeton MIT Stanford Columbia Dartmouth Caltech Duke Cornell Vanderbilt

Chicago Brown UNC Penn Rice Notre Dame Emory Johns Hopkins BYU Northwestern Wash U (St. Louis Georgetown

IN GENERAL ALL “BEST” LISTS HAVE AN EASTERN BIAS

Hottest SchoolsNewsweek

Largest # Rejections -- Harvard Science -- UCSD Liberal Arts Macalester Small State School – William and Mary Big State School – Indiana Military School – Citadel (except of course the

service academies) Art – Savannah Coll. Of Art and Design Pre-Med – Xavier (New Orleans) Christian – Wheaton International Studies – Middlebury Happy to be there – Penn Resort Living – Paul Smith’s College

Hottest Schools Cont. Free tuition Cooper Union/ Olin engineering Mega University – UCLA Small, lesser known -- Centenary (1000 stud.) Int. Rel. – Claremont, Georgetown,

Occidental Rebound – Tulane Sports – Florida No SAT or ACT – Bates Music – Rochester Women only -- Smith

What are the key issues with which we have to deal

Lack of accurate information Anxiety Leaving home Anxiety Parental losses Anxiety Incomplete development of “judgment”

lobes in brain

Did I mention ANXIETY?

There are two equally important areas of concern

InformationalEmotional

Our job is to recognize/deal with the anxiety and help provide information

How can parents learn and understand that there are schools that do not have the name

Stanford or Foothill?

Limitations of info among guidance counselors (big) -- time pressures

Limitations of info for parents (bigger) Limitations of info among students

(mucho grande) Multiple factors in choosing schools

InformationalHow do you overcome

What can be done to help students and parents understand

the notion of Fit? For students and for parents

You can’t come home for Thanksgiving from Indiana Timing

FinancesEducational Goals

Social needs and developmentHigh School relationships (especially for freshmen)

How involved should parents be in the college process?

Great question.

Complex answer.

What counselors/parents need to assess

Your personal involvement depends on several factors

THE CHILD’S PERSONALITY Family styles and system

(detached/enmeshed) What needs they have (may be very specific) Normal dependency Normal push for independence Anticipation of problems to come

Parental needs that can be problematic and counselors may address

Parental needs for children to do what they haven’t done Parental needs for children to get the best out of life Parental needs for children to live out parental dreams

Keep in mind that for some parents there is an omnipresent “PLAN B!”

Buy a condo in Santa Cruz! Insist that their child go to UCSC!

Move in as cook/ maid/ roommate who won’t get “carded!”

Decide to “upgrade” your own education

Questions that can help

Why do you want to go to college? What is your learning style? How do you respond to pressure? What majors interest you? What activities matter to you? How important is diversity? How independent are you? (#1 reason for transfer --- to be closer to home)

One fact about emotions

Every H.S. Senior is SCARED about the 1) the advent of leaving home (although s/he wants to leave

and 2) about making a mistake.

From a recent HS grad…

“There are so many fun things going on. You don’t

like wanna make the biggest decision of your

life.”

“If you make a mistake, you’re like doomed.”

According to college freshmen

There are things they are pleased that their parents and counselors did, or wished they had done.

What helps -- Contact Be present (and silent unless asked) – YIKES! Provide info in digestible portions WITH MINIMAL COMMENT Graphs are excellent Ask if any questions or if it’s helpful later Encourage them to get help with the research – as

appropriate for individual kids and parents (have the student teach the parent how to give them what they need).

Encourage tours (early if possible) and teach methods for success

Help them get to the front of the line (parents need to go there and remain quiet) or risk the eye roll

Listen to their reactions before sharing yours Help them see through the tour guide to the

school Help them consider ramifications of choices (what

it gets them and what they lose)

i.e., “Tyler’s girlfriends’ cousin said, ‘ _____ University sucks’.”

Tour Caution!: The tour guide’s hair or some other apparently irrelevant factor,

may have a far greater influence than you would expect.

Parents need to listen more than talk

THE SECRET: to getting your son to talk

Remember he is MALE and ADOLESCENT

Go for a long drive (perhaps to a college visit) and HAVE HIM DRIVE!

Parent/child communication

Parents’ Questions (general)

1. Would I prefer that my child attend a liberal arts institution or do I want him/her to specialize now in a career or major such as business, art, or pre-med?

2. Do I have a preference for a 2 or 4 year institution?

3. Do I want him/her to stay near home, or am I prepared for him her to visit the family only a few times each year

4. Do I think s/he would be best served by an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

5. Do I think s/he would do best in a small or large school ?

Parent Questions1. Am I interested in a diverse student body?

2. Do I prefer him/her to live on or off-campus? What about housing issues?

3. How do I feel about their being in a fraternity or sorority?

4. How important are intramural, club or intercollegiate sports?

5. Do I want a school that offers many cultural events, on or off campus?

Parent Questions (reality)

1. Are my child’s grades good enough to be considered by a very selective school?

2. What is his/her current class ranking

3. Does my child need more specialized facilities?

4. Am I comfortable with schools that promote a lot of independent study?

5. Do I want a demanding academic environment? Does s/he?

Parent Questions:Financial Realities

1. How important will costs be in the final choice? 2. What kind of financial assistance will I provide? 3. Will scholarships, loans or other financial aid

provide? 4. What qualifications do we have for scholarships?5. Do I expect my child to have part-time jobs? 6. Does s/he plan to go to graduate school? 7. Do I plan to continue financial support for post graduate work?

finances If you are strapped, it will affect your child

emotionallyAverage tuition and fees at four-year institutions, by

region for 2006-07 academic year. Region Public Private

New England $7439 28,660 Middle States 6,900 24, 439 Midwest 6,785 21,690 Southwest 4,999 18,867 South 4,643 19,317 West 4,830 21,998 National 5,632 23,082Source: College Board's Annual Survey of Colleges

Perspective: According to a recent Wall Street Journal StoryThe cost of full time child care in 2006-2007 was $29,500.

Changes in Finances

Implications of downturn on family’s ability to pay for an expensive school ($200k over 4 years)

Talking with your student How much to say and what is the nature of the

discussion Understanding that cost =/= quality How to find value The JC option with transfer Money cannot be a taboo subject

Remember it’s like a marriage

Colleges are looking for the child as much as s/he is looking for them!!!

Danger of next term – “Senioritis”

HS done but still going Beware of pushing for freedom Acting out – failing art (and not having to

leave for Princeton) Drinking and sexual excesses

Once they Go

Still need you – but need to define how“home-sickness” in freshman year (week 4)Adjusting to college life (surfeit of freedom

and potential activities with no constraints)Drinking/ drugsRevolutionary classes (sex, politics,

religion)I don’t need you any more …. Send money.

And that’s just your child

Expect to miss them a great deal Be careful of either denying that anything

is different or making major life changes Watch for a desire to increase dramatically

your own spending (i.e. remodels) If there are other children at home, expect

them to have reactions If this is empty nest, expect to feel

somewhat disoriented for a while

How to deal with “THE” distressed phone call

“Mom. I think I got Mono, the flu, poison oak, an (unspecified) discharge, headaches, upset tummy, etc.”

DO Ask if s/he has seen the campus physician Encourage going even if “they’re all quacks.”

DON’T a) PANIC b) Drive, fly to campus with

1) a team of specialists, 2) a vat of chicken (miso; won ton) soup c) Send medication

Some basic advice

Help your child problem-solve State your concerns Don't overburden your child with your

emotional issues. Take advantage of e-mail. Communicate

regularly and proof read instead of blurting something out

Keep Sunday nights (sic) open

What level of contact

The “Sunday evening phone call?” Regular e-mail/ calls Daily contact Will you contact them without expecting

an equal number of responses?

Should you be involved when they’re at Wassamatta U.?

If your child is failing or having a very hard time with a particular class?

When they’ve been binge drinking? When there are mental health issues? When they have a std? What about a pulled tendon?

Be prepared for colleges to withhold such info (FERPA)

When they come home

Expect to have your values and beliefs questioned

Expect it to be emotional They need you to listen and appreciate

their arguments, AND to hold the line vs the adopted values from profs that your children are trying on for size.

Another perspective…. (living in your home)

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

- attributed by Reader's Digest, Sept. 1937.

What emotional preparation do you have for

Their social/sexual experimentation? Their political experimentation? The classes they choose that seem to be

going nowhere? New kinds of grades (they actually have

those letters)? Their companions? Their plans for travel etc.?

Most of all: Your feelings

What about the younger siblings?

What’s it like for them to have the star leave home?

What do they lose (buffer from us?) What do they gain? What continuing contact do they have with

the college person What adjustments during breaks and

summer?