Revising Your Rough Draft

9410017A Ida 9410033A Jack

9424007A Karen

8a-Principles of revision Psychological process For example: Every writer who wishes to write well must learn

to revise “his” work.

Mechanical process grammatical errors, misstatements of opinions, poor word usage,

paragraph is tedious with details.

8a-1 Rereading your writing 1.repeat to reread of the first draft 2.check the paper at least three times

8a-2 Revising the paper from biggest to smallest elements

1.ignore the mistakes such as grammatical errors, misspell word and punctuation.

8b- Revising the opening paragraph

• induce the readers’ interest

• thesis not to be vague and messy

• thesis statement to be more clearly and just one point to explain the purpose

8b-1 Revising the introduction Opening paragraphs consist of two sections: an

introduction and a thesis.

There are three strategies for beginning a paper.A. Use a quotation B. Ask a questionC. Present an illustration

A. Use a quotation : 1. plunge into the topic quickly 2. well-known saying who ever states 3. use the quotation properly to related your topic and

thesis statement For example: Smith (1997) has commented “the

suicidal teen causes severe damage to the psychological condition of peers” (p. 34).

B. Ask a question: 1. lead to do the direction of paper exactly For example: Would you agree that peer feedback can

enhance student English writing ability?.............

C. Present an illustration 1. use anecdotes or examples properly 2. make readers follow you For example, use the one of versions in Cinderella’s

story

8b-2 Check that your paragraphs follow the sequence of topics in the thesis

the topic sentences of your paragraphs must follow the same sequence as the main points of your thesis statement

For example: Thesis statement: Television can have positive effects on

a child’s language development such as introduces new words, reinforces word usage, and come alive verbally.

It covers this sequence of topics: 1. An introduction to television that can have positive

effects on a child’s language development 2. advantages of introduces new words 3. reinforces word usage 4. come alive verbally

8b-3 Revising the body paragraphs

1. cut out wordiness and irrelevant thoughts

2. divide a long paragraph into two paragraphs

8b-4 Check paragraph transitions 1. move the reader effectively from one

paragraph to the next

2. connect the paragraphs together

Variety is easy to recognize and define. Style is conspicuous in its absence but subtle in its

presence. A passage that monotonously uses the same kind of

sentence again and again is not only boring, it is also without style.

Poetry is regarded by many as the highest literary art form. Poetry is seen nowadays as an unpopular form. Poetry used to be read very widely by the middle classes. Poetry no longer enjoys that distinction and today is hardly read by anyone.

Poetry is regarded by many as the highest literary art form. Nowadays, however it has become unpopular. Whereas poetry used to be read very widely by the middle classes, today it hardly is ever read by anyone.

Learn to juxtapose short and long sentence. Follow several short sentences with a long sentences.

Learn to subordinate. It means that you must place lesser thoughts “sub,” or below, the main idea.

(ex. The car still runs well, but it is not worth selling. The car, which still runs well, is not worth selling.

Learn to use parallel constructions.

Whenever you can, use the active voice in your writing. With two exceptions call for the passive voice

◦ For an occasional change of pace◦ For the sake of focus, especially when the action is more

important than the actor

Egyptologists have propounded all sorts of mystical theories, but most experts today have concluded that the Great Pyramid was built by Egyptian citizens using the simplest of tools and technology.

Egyptologists have propounded all sorts of mystical theories, but most experts today have concluded that Egyptian citizens, using the simplest of tools and technology, built the Great Pyramid

Most instructors insisted that research papers be written only from the third-person point of view, in an attempt to keep the writing objective

Only use the first-person point of view only for expressing personal comments, judgments, or experiences.

In your writing, watch for language that reflects the values and biases of a male dominated society.

A doctor should always look after the best interest of his patients.Doctors should always look after the best interest of their

patients.A doctor should always look after the best interest of his or

her patients.

Revising words ： Diction Wording choice and usage comes under the

heading of diction.

Using words as following Exactness Appropriateness Accuracy

Revise diction for accuracy and exactness The best writing is concise and to the point. No more, no less.

The ratification of the agreement by the board requires a vote of a majority.

To ratify the agreement, the board needs a majority vote.

The board needs a majority vote to ratify the agreement.

Revise the overuse of phrases for subjects instead of single nouns

Revise redundant expressions -unnecessary words used to repeat During that time period the park area was

populated with Indians who were sullen in appearance and made a living by working with silver metal.

Instead→ During that time the park was populated with Indians who looked sullen and made a living by working with silver.

The problem of world hunger is by and large a matter of business and politics. Basically the two become virtually entwined until for all intents and purposes they cannot be addressed separately in any given city or country.

Instead→ The problem of world hunger is a matter of business and politics. The two become entwined until they cannot be addressed separately in any city or country.

Revise meaningless words and phrases

Revise Snobbish Diction Snobbish diction consists of words used not to clarify

but to impress. A person desirous of an interview must be cognizant

of the fact that interviewer may have dozens of other candidates to evaluate. A smart candidate endeavors to utilize the time wisely, facilitating the interviewer in ascertaining the candidate’s qualifications.

Instead→ A person wanting an interview must be aware that interviewer may have dozens of other candidates to evaluate. A smart candidate tries to use the time wisely, helping the interviewer find out the candidate’s qualifications.

Rules for writers. Not.

43 lists can reference. As the following<pick some to discuss> For example： 1.Verbs has to agree with their subjects. →He thinks. 3.And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. → I am a teacher. And I can teach. 10.No sentence fragments. →I like to teach. Because I am a good teacher.

16.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

→e.g.=For Example 19.The passive voice should never be used. →Two exceptions call for the passive voice 1.for an occasional change of places. 2.for the sake of focus. 25.Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place

and omit it when its not needed. →Chang’s (2006) study showed that… 43.Proofread carefully to see if you any

words out. →Proofread is another revision.