7 Habits of Highly Effective People

• Habit 1: Be Proactive

• Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind

• Habit 3: Put first things first

Have you done anything, or thought about anything, differently?

Remember: See, Do, Get

Emotional Bank AccountA metaphor for the amount of trust in a relationshipHigh Trust:• Communication is easy• Mistakes are forgiven• A lot of flexibility• Willingness to work together

Low Trust:• Communication is guarded• Problems are amplified• Very little flexibility• Defensiveness

Emotional Bank AccountSix Major Deposits:

• Understanding the individual• One person’s mission is another’s minutia. Think paradigm.

• Attending to the little things• Little kindnesses and courtesies make all the difference.

• Keeping commitments• Make promises carefully, and keep them.

Emotional Bank Account

Six Major Deposits

• Clarifying expectations• Implied expectations can differ

• Showing personal integrity• Be honest. Keep promises. Fulfill expectations.

• Apologize sincerely• Admit mistakes

Habits 4 - 6

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Six Paradigms of human interactions:

• Win/win

• Win/lose

• Lose/win

• Lose/Lose

• Win

• Win/win or no deal

Win/Win:

• Seeks for mutual benefit

• All parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the

action plan

• Sees life as cooperative, not competitive

• There’s plenty for everybody

• Believes in the third alternative

• Listens more, stays in communication longer, and communicates with more courage.

Win/Lose• Win-Lose : People with a win-lose mindset are concerned with themselves first and last. They want to win, and they want others to lose. They achieve success at the expense or exclusion of another’s success. They are driven by comparison, competition, position, and power. • Characteristics:

• very common for most people• authoritarian approach• Uses position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get

the “Win”

Lose/Win: • Lose-Win : People who choose to lose and let others win show high

consideration for others, but lack the courage to express and act on

their feelings and beliefs. They are easily intimidated and borrow

strength from acceptance and popularity.

• Characteristics:

• Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations of anyone else.

• Quick to please or appease.

• Buries a lot of feelings.

Lose/Lose: • Lose-Lose : People who have a lose-lose paradigm are low on

courage and consideration. They envy and criticize others. They put themselves and others down.

• Characteristics:• Is the mindset of a highly dependent person.

• Is the same as a “no win” because nobody benefits.

• Is a long-term result of a win-lose, lose-win, or win.

Win: • Win : People who hold a win paradigm think only of getting what

they want. Although they don’t necessarily want others to lose,

they are personally set on winning. They think independently in

interdependent situations, without sensitivity or awareness of others.

• Characteristics• Is self-centered.

• Thinks “me first”.

• Doesn’t really care if the other person wins or loses.

• Has a Scarcity Mentality”.

Win or No Deal: • Win-Win or No Deal : Win-Win or No Deal is the highest form of

win-win. People who adopt this paradigm seek first for win-win. If

they cannot find an acceptable solution, they agree to disagree

agreeably.

• Characteristics

• Allows each party to say no.

• Is the most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or business deal.

• Is the highest form of “Win”.

Character: • Three character traits essential to the win/win paradigms:

– Integrity: make and keep meaningful promises andcommitments. People of Integrity are true to their feelings,values and commitments.

– Maturity:• The balance between courage and consideration (job

interview)• The ability to express one’s feelings and convictions

balanced with consideration of the thoughts and feelings ofothers

Abundance Mentality:

RelationshipsAgreements :

Five elements to agree on in a win/win agreement:• Desired results: Clarify the end in mind, objectives and

outcome.• Guidelines: Specify boundaries and deadlines for

accomplishing the results within which results are to beaccomplished

• Resources: human, financial, technical, support to helpaccomplish the results

• Accountability: sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation. Identify the standards and methods of measurement for progress and accomplishment.

• Consequences: Determine/Evaluate the result (s) ofachieving or not achieving win-win

Processes :

– A four-step process:

• 1st see the problem from the other point of view

• 2nd identify the key issues and concerns

• 3rd determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable

solutions

• 4th identify plan to achieve those results

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand and then to be Understood

• Empathic listening is not active/reflective listening. It is listening to understand the other person’s paradigm and how they feel.

• Listen to the words, sounds, body language.

• Neuro-linguistic programming – what you do say can have a powerful effect.

• Resist the urge to offer advice. Especially until the other person feels understood. Give feedback from the other person’s frame of reference.

• Avoid projecting your own motives, feelings, or responses onto the other person. Seek to understand.

Habit 6: Synergize

Dictionary.com defines synergy as:

the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc.

People combining their strengths to create something new or accomplish a goal.

Synergy is not Compromise

• Compromise: 1 + 1 = 1 ½ – Everybody gives something up

– Compromise is defensive

– Synergy means 1 + 1 = 8, 16, or even 1600

• Synergy means we can create something new, something better.

4 Paradigms of Synergy2 Alternative Thinking 3rd Alternative thinking

I see only my "side." I see myself-independent of my "side."

I stereotype you. I see you - as a human being, not as just a representative of your "side."

I defend myself from you because you're wrong.

I seek you out because you see things differently.

Synergy

– Strengths

– Experiences

– Talents

– Knowledge

– Perspectives

– Weaknesses

– Idiosyncrasies

– Inconsistencies

– Blind Spots

– Biases

Different people have unique paradigms:

The traits you focus on will determine your ability to get to synergy.

Steps to Synergy1. Agree to find a better

alternative

2. Define what success looks like to everyone (win/win)

3. Experiment with solutions until you . . .

4. Arrive at synergy

Synergy requires maturity

You can’t parachute to effective synergy!

1. Be Proactive2. Begin with the End in Mind3. Put First Things First4. Think Win/Win5. Seek First to Understand6. Then, Synergize

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Take care of your whole self

Final Thoughts