5 Things Parents Are Never Taught About Feeding Kids (But ......This report will educate you (the...

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5 Things Parents Are Never Taught About Feeding Kids (But Need to Know!) Written by Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD

Transcript of 5 Things Parents Are Never Taught About Feeding Kids (But ......This report will educate you (the...

Page 1: 5 Things Parents Are Never Taught About Feeding Kids (But ......This report will educate you (the parent) about the 5 essential things you need to know about feeding kids. This is

5 Things Parents Are Never Taught About Feeding Kids

(But Need to Know!)

Written by

Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen, MS, RD

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Copyright 2017 © Maryann Tomovich Jacobsen. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use of this

report is prohibited. No part of this material should be reproduced in any form without written

permission from the author.

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What Parents Are Never Taught About Feeding Kids

(But Need to Know)

elcome to Raise Healthy Eaters! As a registered dietitian and mom, my goal is to

help parents feed children in a way that is enjoyable, rewarding and health-

promoting. And in order to do this, I go beyond the "how to get kids to eat

fruits and vegetables" advice. I think parents like you instinctively know there's more to it than

that. And I've got all the juicy details for you!

But first, think back to when you were a parent-to-be. Weren't you overwhelmed with all

the information about how to birth your child and take care of her the first year? Yet when it

comes to feeding children, something parents do multiple times a day for 18 years, you likely

got little guidance beyond that first year. Mix this with the renewed pressure to raise healthy

kids in a very different environment from when we grew up, and you have a recipe for

challenges.

Even with my knowledge of nutrition and clues about what contributes to problematic

eating in adults, I was blown away by the responsibility of feeding kids. Shortly after my first

child was born, I started digging into the child nutrition research. Based on my experiences,

research and interactions with parents, I've learned that parents completely miss out on vital

truths about feeding kids. Without this knowledge, feeding kids becomes more complicated

than it needs to be.

First, you will become frustrated if you look at your kid's eating through your own adult

food experience. Kids are not little adults. For example, one mom might think her daughter

doesn't recognize feelings of fullness when in reality she is feeling deprived. Another parent

assumes something's wrong with her two year old who suddenly seems disinterested in food

when he's really experiencing the typical decrease in appetite that coincides with slower

growth around age 2. 1

In fact, what most parents perceive as eating problems usually are manifestations of normal

phases of development. When those changes are treated as problems, they become problems.

This report will educate you (the parent) about the 5 essential things you need to know

about feeding kids. This is not the type of information you read about in parenting magazines

and blogs. But as you will see, every parent needs to know them.

Let's get started!

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1. Preserving Food Regulation Skills is Vital

I have two boys who eat great but they have completely different body types (one small for his

age and the other more hefty.) The younger, more hefty boy has a sweet tooth and I have

concerns about his weight. Do I continue to feed them the same way?

get these type of emails all the time. Parental concerns grow when a child eats too much

and is big or eats too little and is small. The small eater is typically pressured to eat more

while being allowed food anytime he wants. The strategy for feeding the big kid is the

opposite -- keeping portions down while tightly controlling indulgent foods.

Research shows both of these feeding practices actually produce the opposite of the

desired effect. For example, kids pressured to eat actually experience a decrease in appetite so

they eat less.2 And because they can eat food anytime they want, there's little incentive to eat

at mealtime. And kids that are restricted at mealtime can develop the habit of eating when they

can instead of for hunger.3 They also can start experiencing disturbing behaviors like sneaking

food or eating large amounts at parties when they finally have access to palatable food.

The biggest problem with pushing, restricting, and grazing on food is it disconnects children

from their internal cues of eating (feelings of hunger and fullness). Additionally, it contributes

to eating and weight challenges. The kid pressured to eat his whole life may eventually eat

more as he gets older, resulting in excess weight. The child always told when to stop eating

feels out of control with her eating when she's finally the one in charge. In both cases, the key

aspect of eating parents needed to preserve in their children has been lost: food regulation.

Emerging research reveals that people who regulate their food intake, allowing hunger and

fullness to guide eating, have health advantages over those who don't.4 In one study, young

adults who used hunger and fullness to guide eating not only had lower BMIs than those who

didn't, they also had less disordered eating (dieting, binging skipping meals etc). 5

Learning Point: Allowing kids to decide when they are done eating while encouraging them to

listen to hunger and fullness cues is vital. Most importantly, it helps children regulate their food

intake so they grow into the body that's right for them. It also encourages a healthy relationship

with food. But parents need to get their job straight!

What to do?

Internationally recognized feeding expert Ellyn Satter recommends parents adopt a division of

responsibility.6 This is where parents take charge of the what, when and where of feeding but

allow kids to decide whether and how much to eat from what is served. Below details the

parents' job, including structuring meals at the table and deciding times to eat.

I

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Parents' job

What Provide a variety of food groups at meals and snacks to meet children's need making sure there is 1-2 things a child is likely to eat. Provide sweets and empty calorie food less often but do not use these foods as a reward or make a big deal out of them.

When Structure regular meals at intervals that make sense and match hunger. Most kids do well with 3 meals and 2 snacks.

Where Have meals and snacks in a designated place in the house like the kitchen table. Do not allow grazing between meals.

Parents often feed children the moment they say they are hungry. But what if this happens

right before dinner? Or a half an hour after a dinner in which they barely ate? Grazing on food

increases the likely they will eat less well at meals or overeat. Children also might say they are

hungry due to boredom or because having a granola bar just sounds good.

In Fearless Feeding, my coauthor and I recommend parents offer fruit if a child seems

hungrier than usual between meals. If they decline fruit, it's likely they aren't that hungry and

can wait for the next meal or snack.

To answer the question at the beginning of the section, there is no need to feed kids of

differing sizes and appetites differently. If parents do their job of feeding, and there is no

underlying illness, feeding/eating disorder or developmental delay, kids will regulate their

intake just fine. Some will be big, some small and others in between.

2. Child Development Impacts Eating

“I’ve got the best eater!” a new mom gloats. I don’t even have to ask how old the child is, as I

know he’s under two and a brand new eater.

“My kid is so picky, I can’t get him to eat anything healthy.” When I hear this, I also don’t have

to ask the age as I’m pretty certain the child’s somewhere between 2 and 6.

“I can’t believe my Jake is trading lunches — he used to be such a good eater.” Of course this is

the school-aged kid adjusting to the challenge of outside influences.

By the time the independent teen years come, I usually don’t hear anything. Instead it’s more

like a frustrating eye roll because many parents give up on feeding.

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ere's what no one teaches parents: child development greatly influences eating. While

every parent wants to take credit for the older baby who eats everything, it’s actually

to be expected as growth is at its highest and little minds are still developing. Instead

of gloating, parents can get busy taking advantage of this stage by feeding a variety of food (not

bland baby food) and bringing little ones to the table.

And most toddlers aren’t picky eaters as a result of what parents do or don’t do, they

just aren't growing as fast and naturally become skeptical of new foods. Forcing, catering and

bribing only make this already lengthy stage last longer.

School-age children aren’t trying to be a pain asking for their friend’s food (or trading

lunches), they simply want to belong and that drives their food decisions. At this stage, children

need help managing outside influences and parents can help guide them and balance out

eating at home.

Last but not least, despite how teens act, they need their parents more than ever. Without

enough support they won’t make good food decisions and the dieting they experiment with

could turn dangerous. Keeping those family dinners going, encouraging an open dialogue

around food, and letting them loose in the kitchen is important.

Learning point: Children aren’t supposed to have eating all figured out by the time they are in

grade school. It takes 18 long years for them to learn about food and to become good eaters

(and more time to refine after that). They will go through different eating stages based on

development and individual eating tendencies.

What to do?

The whole dynamic of feeding changes when parents learn to see things through their child’s

perspective. It not only helps them become more confident feeders, it ends the blame game. In

my first book, Fearless Feeding, my coauthor and I help parents understand what’s going on

with development and growth which helps explain food-related behavior at every stage (in

chart on the next page).7 Additionally, each child has their own food personality, with some

being more cautious and others more adventurous.

So when you find yourself getting frustrated ask yourself which food stage your child is in

and take note of the developmental tendencies. Avoid common feeding mistakes that make

feeding more difficult over the long run. Let's review each stage:

Babies and Young Toddlers: The largest growth spurt occurs in the first two years of life. This

combination of a hearty appetite and low mental awareness means most babies are open to a

variety of food. The biggest mistake parents make is not optimizing variety. Babies might be

kept on bland puree food too long instead of transitioning to table foods before the first

H

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birthday. And even when babies move to table food, they may still be served bland food even

though they will accept more spiced up and tasty fare.

Tip! Get family meals rolling during infancy and serve your child many of the foods you like to

eat as long as they are made into a consistency/shape that is safe to eat.

Toddlers/Preschoolers: The two-year growth spurt comes to a close during the toddler years

and appetite naturally wanes while cognition grows. Food neophobia (fear of new foods) peaks

and many children shy away from the veggies they once loved.8 Introducing a variety of food

early helps but doesn’t always prevent this picky eating stage.

Tip! Utilize Satter's Division of Responsibility (DOR), keep meals positive, provide a variety and

always have at least 1 or 2 foods at the table you know your child will eat.

School-Age/Teenagers: In the early school-age years growth is still stable, but once puberty

hits, the second largest growth spurt second to infancy, kids are hungry. Taste buds also open

up and food neophobia lessens, leaving kids in the perfect place to accept more food.

Common mistakes at this stage include letting over-crowded schedules get in the way of family

meals, no longer offering a variety, and not allowing children to get involved in cooking.

Tip! At this stage, children can start advancing their cooking skills and teens are ready to go wild

in the kitchen. Keep family meals going and allow older kids to take over a meal every week or

month, whatever works.

Understanding how development relates to eating helps parents stay calm and ahead of the

curve.

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3. Liking Vegetables is a Prerequisite to Eating Them

Researchers examined the meaning of fruits and vegetables in the lives of 10 couples (aged 20-

60). One theme that came up was something they called the “should syndrome.” This was the

tension created from the low status of such foods growing up, coupled with their idealization in

society.9

Unfortunately, this is what can happen when parents push kids to eat veggies -- they

become more of an obligation than a preferred food. In essence, they are associated with guilt

and the enjoyment factor is low. One reader wrote in with this very dilemma: “My biggest

challenge is vegetables. I know they are so good for us but honestly, I have never really enjoyed

veggies, so I never prepare them.”

We know from research that as many as 70 percent of preschoolers are sensitive to the

bitter compounds found in vegetables, something that declines with age.10 This 2000 review

article from the Proceedings of Nutrition Society provides a nice overview of how taste changes

over time.11

“Relative to adults, children show an exaggerated avoidance response to bitter tastes

(vegetables) and an elevated liking of intensely-sweet foods… Preferences for sweet taste and

sugar consumption drops sharply between childhood and adolescence…Once development and

growth are completed, taste preferences and food-related attitudes undergo a profound

change. Adults dislike intensely sweet foods and show a much higher tolerance for bitter

tastes.”

Learning Point: Children are typically slow to warm up to vegetables. Take the pressure off

yourself to get kids to eat veggies and instead focus on helping them develop a positive view of

healthy foods. Over time, they will gradually eat more because they want to, not because they

feel obligated.

What to Do?

While it's important to help children get a taste for veggies early, they don't have to be big

veggie eaters to meet their nutrition needs. All plant foods provide key nutrients kids need such

as potassium, vitamin A and vitamin C. Include fruit sources of vitamins A and C to cover needs

until kids accept more veggies later. And there are plenty of sources of potassium (all listed

below).

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Potassium Vitamin A Vitamin C

Potatoes, yogurt, orange juice, fish, soybeans, bananas, spinach, beans/legumes, dried peaches, stewed prunes, dried apricots, tomato sauce, milk, plantains

Sweet potato, carrots, kale, vegetable soup, cantaloupe, greens, mango, peas, apricot nectar, papaya, broccoli, tomato juice, watermelon

Red and green peppers, oranges, kiwi, strawberries, broccoli, papaya, honeydew and cantaloupe, kale/spinach, cauliflower, potatoes, tomatoes, peach, peas

In addition to serving vegetables with meals, here are ways to help kids not only eat more

veggies but develop a positive outlook on them:

Smoothies: When it comes to preparation, look beyond the side of veggies on a plate by trying

different preparation methods that are pleasing to young children. Try a favorite smoothie with

leafy greens and other veggies thrown in. Don't hide or sneak, have kids see all the veggies go

in!

Muffins: The same idea as smoothies, but with muffins. Have them help you make zucchini,

carrot or butternut squash muffins or breads. See recipe.

Roasting: Roasted veggies have a natural sweetness to them. Start these when kids are young

and they may never give them up.

Raw veggies: Providing a dip with raw veggies works well according to a study published in the

Journal of the American Dietetic Association. Preschoolers ate 80% more broccoli over 7 weeks

when they were offered ranch dressing as a dip.10

For younger kids, stay neutral when presenting vegetables and don't react to eating

decisions. As kids get older you can crank up the cooking skills. “At school age, teach kids to

chop, dice and stir fry veggies (back door into exposure), and have fun experimenting with

“gross” smoothies—let them come up with concoctions that include veggies,” says Jill Castle,

MS, RD, Pediatric Nutrition Specialist. “Step up the science-project aspect of cooking and

putting together foods so they aren’t pressured to eat, but can have fun with food.”

If you are careful, you will raise kids who have a positive view of vegetables and gradually

eat more and more over time.

4. Kids Eat for Taste, Not Health

Researchers set out to discover whether or not foods' health information impacts the food

intake of young children. To figure it out, one group of preschoolers were read a story about

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how crackers made a girl "big and strong," another group was read a story about how crackers

are "tasty" and another group skipped the story. Then, they offered the kids crackers as a

snack. The "big and strong" group ate fewer crackers compared to the other two groups (the no

story group ate the most). Another study using carrots had similar findings.12

Why? The researchers explain that when children are told food serves one goal (makes you

big and strong), they are less likely to think it can meet another goal (good taste). But pointing

out benefits of taste or saying nothing at all allows children to eat the food because it’s an

enjoyable experience.

This is why parents need to be careful about educating children about nutrition. As the

study demonstrates, using "health" as a way to sell food is likely to backfire. Because children

are often slow to accept certain healthy foods, like vegetables, when they are pushed to eat

them they learn that eating healthy is not enjoyable. According to one focus group, after age

six, kids reported a negative taste impression of healthy foods.13 Many of the children discussed

the creative ways they were able to eat disliked vegetables that parents insisted they eat, such

as squeezing their nose, eating the non-tasty food first or adding ketchup to the vegetables.

Learning Point: When given inappropriately, nutrition education can make kids less interested in

healthy eating. But when it matches kids' development and interest, it can be very powerful.

Above all, find a variety of ways to offer tasty, nutritious food so kids learn to associate it with

enjoyment.

What is inappropriate education? First, it's providing kids with complicated nutrition

information before they are ready (using terms like saturated fat, high fructose corn syrup and

pesticides). That's because not only do children’s developing minds not understand complex

topics, they can grossly misinterpret them.

Another mistake is talking too much about future health risks, something most kids simply

are not able to comprehend because they live in the now. So telling them they need to worry

about diabetes or heart disease, because it runs in the family, goes in one ear and out the

other.

What to do?

Forget the complicated stuff that even adults have trouble understanding and make eating fun

and relevant for kids. In fact, kids learn best when they become actively involved with food such

as picking out produce, helping in the kitchen and putting together colorful plates. Here are

some tips:

1. Teach variety: This comes early as young children will want to eat the same foods all the

time (we had that yesterday, so it's X today) or (we eat a variety of foods and not the same

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thing every day). As kids enter school, they can learn more about food groups and what goes

into a balanced meal.

2. Teach frequency: When kids want more sweets, they can learn that while enjoyed, those

items are served less frequently. (We are going to skip the free cookie today because we have a

nice dessert planned to serve with dinner).

3. Reveal connections to what matters to them: Help children see the connection between

eating and meaningful activities. (I know you want chips but in order to have energy for your

game, a sandwich with some fruit is better).

4. Reveal connections to how it makes their body feel: If a child eats too much cake and feels

bad, help them figure out how too much of certain foods can make the body feel (I love cake

too but too much of it can cause a stomach ache. I’m sure you’ll keep that in mind next time).

Because kids eat for taste, this type of education is much more effective than asking

children to choose something healthy over the unhealthy item. Instead, you are guiding them

toward balanced food choices without demonizing food, which helps them develop a healthy

relationship with food.

5. Kids Need to Learn How Eat the Not-So-Healthy Foods

e were at a birthday party when I noticed a mom trying to keep her two girls to one

cupcake each. She announced that “everyone only gets one.” When she left the

room, my daughter asked me for another cupcake and I said yes. Two minutes later

she came back, with a couple of bites taken, saying “I’m full, mommy.” Another few minutes

passed by and the other children came back in begging for another cupcake but the mom stood

firm.

There's a lot of advice about teaching children to eat healthy, but very little about how to

teach kids how to moderate their intake of sweets and other empty calorie food like chips.

Parents often choose more restrictive practices, thinking they are teaching moderation when

the practice is likely to backfire. But lax feeding practices around sweets are doubly as bad.

Regardless of what you hear, growing up without sweet foods does not mean kids will not

like them. In fact, sweet tastes are universally preferred by children. In a recent study, 5 to 10

year olds preferred salt and sweet significantly more than the adults.14 Additionally, those that

were taller had the greatest preferences for sweets. Researchers have long held that children

prefer energy-rich sweets because they are growing.

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Learning Point: Kids need to learn how non-nutritious foods fit into a balanced diet. If they

rarely get to eat them or they are available all the time, kids can't learn moderation. Parents

need to be deliberate in how they handle these foods.

What to Do?

These three feeding strategies will help you teach kids moderation with the foods they love:

#1 Permission to Eat

Nothing makes moderation more difficult than lots of rules and regulations around food. Treats

that occur seldom, or only allow for a certain amount, are hard to eat without the panic of

when they will be eaten again. The irony is that when we put much of our energy into trying to

keep something in check, it instantly becomes more powerful. Evelyn Tribole, co-author

of Intuitive Eating sums it up perfectly in this Eating Disorders Today piece:15

If you look at just the health merits of any food or meal, it is a one-sided view that does not take

into consideration the importance of fostering a healthy relationship with food. Paradoxically,

it’s only when you truly know that you can eat any food, whenever you want, that the food

becomes less compelling.

When you go to parties or have sweet items for snack, allow kids to eat until they are

satisfied as long as they sit at the table. Have times when the portions are small like a “little bit”

of chocolate after certain meals or a small portion of dessert with dinner. For my family, an

unspoken rule of one sweet item daily works well but this is not a strict rule because there are

days (usually weekends) when we might have more and some days none at all. Consider what

you want to be your "sweets policy" and explain it to your kids, but keep it flexible.

#2 No Judgment

Removal of food judgment is key when it comes to practicing moderation. It’s the ability to look

at something for what it is without letting perceptions color reality. Helping children

understand what a balanced diet looks like is one thing, but doing it with judgment can

negatively affect eating.

“Cookies, candy, donuts, extra helping of starches – anything I was denied as a kid I can’t

control myself around,” says Melissa. “I was bombarded with so many negative messages about

foods as a kid and was rarely allowed dessert.”

In my house food is just food. I stress eating a variety and rotate food groups but there’s no

“you’re having another serving?” “You ate WHAT at grandma's?” “You barely touched your

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vegetables!” or “You haven’t been eating any fruit, and it’s good for you — remember?” This

strategy works great because kids will enjoy eating all foods from carrots, to fruit, to chocolate.

No guilt!

#3 Structured meals

Prioritizing and structuring of meals brings the concept of moderation together. If parents

allowed kids to choose what and when to eat they would have a limited variety and might

choose to eat when bored or because the tube is on.

Instead, parents show kids how food is balanced by how often different items are served.

And the structure of eating at the table helps children get the right amount of food for their

body. This predictability of meals also helps children feel secure around food, eat for hunger

and enjoyment and listen to their body.

Eat meals at a designated place like the kitchen table or breakfast bar. As stated before, if

kids are hungry and it’s not time to eat, they can have some fruit. Keep eating in front of the TV

or in the car for special occasions only. Send the message that food is so important it “deserves

all of your attention.”

Putting it all together

When just one of these three elements is missing moderation can get thrown off. Say you have

a child who has no judgment with eating and eats with structure but his parents limit him to

small portions of his favorite treats 1-2 times a week. When he gets them outside the home, he

goes hog wild, and begs for treats all week.

Another child who has permission to eat and structure may experience lots of judgment

around food. For example, the parents might make frequent comments about how "good" or

"bad" different foods are. The child starts to feeling guilty for liking the bad foods and even

starts to sneak them because he knows how his parents feel and he wants to please them.

And lastly, you can have permission to eat with no judgment but a loose feeding schedule. A

girl who knows all she has to do is say “I’m hungry” and gets handed whatever she wants is

learning to eat for other reasons than hunger. She eats when she’s watching TV, is bored and

isn’t exposed to enough variety.

The key is to observe how your child acts around food, remembering that each kid (and

family) is different. For example, some kids might be okay with a treat once a week while others

will not. For more on this topic, check out my managing sweets series.

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Summary

Just think of the type of mistakes parents make without knowing this information.

1) How many big and small kids aren't allowed to rely on their appetite, disconnecting from

their body's hunger and fullness cues? How will they eat as adults?

2) How many typical eating patterns, like picky eating, cause un-needed worry for parents and

tense meals for kids, literally removing joy from family meals?

3) How many kids are pushed to eat vegetables before they are ready, growing up weary of

these nutritious foods?

4) How many kids are taught nutrition in a way that makes them disassociate healthy foods

with enjoyable eating experiences?

5) And finally, how many parents think teaching moderation is tightly controlling sweets instead

of teaching children how they sensibly fit into a balanced diet?

I hope this has been good food for thought. In addition to my posts you get via email, here are

my books that can help you, depending on your family's needs.

How to Raise a Mindful Eater: Whether your child is obsessed with sweets, a big (or small)

eater, or you simply want to avoid future eating problems, this book is for you. How to Raise a

Mindful Eater shows you step-by-step how to nurture your child’s emerging relationship with

food.

From Picky to Powerful: If you are in the thick of picky eating, this book is for you. Filled with

real-life stories and the latest research, From Picky to Powerful explains why picky eating

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happens in the first place, what's normal and what's not and the best strategies for dealing with

it.

What to Cook for Dinner with Kids: While most cookbooks take the typical recipe approach,

What to Cook for Dinner with Kids focuses on the HOW of family cooking, so you can find

solutions that work for your unique circumstances. In a step-by-step format, you will learn how

to create a core rotation of dinner meals that will satisfy even your pickiest family members.

The result? You’ll never, ever have to worry about what to cook for dinner again!

Fearless Feeding: Considered the bible of feeding kids, Fearless Feeding goes through each

stage of development explaining nutritional needs, how best to feed and educate kids and why

kids eat the way they do. There are case studies, recipes and more!

Happy Feeding!

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References

1. Kleinman RE, AAP Committee on Nutrition. Pediatric Nutrition Handbook. American Academy

of Pediatrics. 6th Edition. 2008.

2. Galloway AT, Fiorito LM, Francis LA, Birch LL. "Finish your soup:" counterproductive effects of

pressuring children to eat on intake and affect. Appetite. 2006; 46: 318–323.

3. Rollins BY, Loken E, Savage JS, Birch LL. Maternal controlling feeding practices and girls'

inhibitory control interact to predict changes in BMI and eating in the absence of hunger from 5

to 7 y. Am J Clin Nutr. 2014; 99 (2): 249-57.

4. Schaefer JT, Magnuson AB. A review of interventions that promote eating by internal cues. J

Acad Nutr Diet. 2014; 114 (5): 734-60.

5. Denny KN, Loth K, Eisenberg ME, Neumark-Sztainer D. Intuitive eating in young adults. Who is

doing it, and how is it related to disordered eating behaviors? Appetite. 2013; 60 (1):13-19.

6. Division of Responsibility in Feeding. Ellen Satter Institute Website.

http://ellynsatterinstitute.org/dor/divisionofresponsibilityinfeeding.php. Accessed on April 15,

2015.

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