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TABLE OF CONTENTS


2

INTRODUCTION 3

GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU 5

COOK A STEAK 10

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDWRITTEN NOTE 15

MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN 18

DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU 21

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING 25

READ YOUR CAR MANUAL 29

BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE 33

HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA 37

PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK 40

INFO 41

So, you've got a weekend. And you want to become a better man.


3

INTRODUCTION

This isn’t about bedding more ladies or

getting a promotion. Or besting your

enemies in bare-fisted rumbles. It’s about

something more fundamental, something

deeper.

Maybe you’re looking at your life and thinking

you could make some improvements—dress

better, feel more confident, be more “useful,” be

more “worldly,” whatever that means.

Some might scoff at the idea of becoming a

gentleman in 48 hours. True, maybe real

transformation is tough in this amount of time.

But as the saying goes, “the journey of a

thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Sometimes it’s daunting to look at our lives and

see all the things we want to change. We get

paralyzed and don’t know where to begin.

That’s why it’s good to start small.

INTRODUCTION


4

This book is designed to give you a few key

activities to help you start your journey

towards becoming a better man.

Each activity is set up like a “recipe” to include

the ingredients you’ll need along with the

instructions, just like in a cookbook.

You can read the whole book before doing the

activities (it’s a quick read), or you can do each

exercise as you go. Completely up to you.

What’s important is that you do it over the

course of just one weekend.

Will this be a busy weekend? You bet it will.

But what you gain by packing it into a short

period of time is a sense of urgency. It’s about

STARTING and it’s about building on that

momentum.

This book is meant to be that first step, a

launching point on your path to becoming a

well-rounded gentleman.

Welcome to your new life.

Now let’s begin.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. –Lao Tzu

Although sometimes we forget, improvements on the outside can often transform us on the inside---and vice versa.


5

GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU

In that vain, I want to start this book by talking

about something that might seem like a mere

“cosmetic” improvement.

One of the biggest keys to looking (and

feeling) good is having clothes that fit

your body.

Many guys wear baggy or ill-fitting clothes that

make them look way frumpier than they need

to. I made this mistake for years. People who

are overweight often wear baggier clothes

because they think it hides parts of their bodies

they’re not proud of. But it doesn’t hide

anything. It creates a new problem: the baggy

clothes make them look even more out of

shape.

Even if you’re on the opposite end of the

spectrum, you may be tempted to hide behind



6

baggy clothes. Ultimately you end up looking

like a kid who borrowed an outfit from his dad.

However, once you end up getting clothes

that actually fit you, it’s a revelation. Having

an outfit that fits your body—no matter what

size you are—is going to look infinitely better

than if you’re hiding behind a bunch of excess

fabric.

Tailored clothes make you look more trim, more

put-together, and they make you feel more

confident. And this confidence can make you

more successful.

Let’s face it, first impressions matter. We do

judge books by their covers. People are

going to make snap judgments about you

based on your clothes, your posture, and the

way you carry yourself. It’s human nature.

In 2013, dating site Ok Cupid and custom suit

label Arden Reed did a 4-month study where

they took pictures of the same man in a boxy,

off-the shelf suit and then in a tailored suit.

It’s not about hiding or accentuating parts of your body. It’s about “owning what you’ve got”



7

Then they created two otherwise identical

profiles with the two photos. The results weren’t

surprising: women were three-and-a-half

times more likely to send an unsolicited

message to the profile with the tailored suit

pic, and they were 2.3 times more likely to visit

the profile in the first place.

Granted, there may be some bias here, since

this was co-sponsored by a suit company, but

the results seem pretty believable.

Net net: you’re going to look way better if your

clothes fit you.

Ultimately, it has less to do with hiding or

accentuating parts of your body. What matters

is that you “own what you’ve got,” because it

projects confidence. You’ll feel it and people will

see it.

So, where do YOU start?

One shirt.

Rather than go crazy and throw out all your

clothes, spending thousands of dollars on a

“bespoke” wardrobe, you can start small. Start

with just one dress shirt. And get it altered so it

actually fits you.

The reason I’m asking you to start with only one



8

shirt is that I know once you do the first one, it

will transform your relationship with your

clothes. Once you get a taste of that first

perfectly fitted shirt, there’s no going back.

As a next step, you’ll find yourself going through

your closet and getting rid of clothes that don’t

quite fit you, and finding other shirts that can be

altered to fit you better.

!"#$%&'%"()

  Dress shirt

  Nearby dry cleaner

!*+,-./,!0*+

  Pick a dress shirt you already own

and put it on. Most likely it will be a

little baggy around the midsection and

the arms.

  Find a dry cleaner near you. Most will do

basic alterations for around $12-$15.

You don’t need to go to a fancy tailor.

  The dry cleaner will have you put on the

shirt, they’ll pin it to gauge how much to

take in and where, and then you’ll leave

them to do their magic.



9

Once you try on that fitted shirt, you will be

amazed how much better you look. People

will complement you on your “new shirt” and

ask if you’ve lost weight.

Even if not, they’ll just hold you in higher

regard. They’ll sense your renewed

confidence. “Something’s different about

that guy, and I don’t know what it is.”

P!o tip! When you wear a tie, it’s the first thing people comment on—because it’s the focal point. Without a tie, your shirt is the star. So you better make sure it’s ready for primetime. Beyond having your shirt fitted, make sure your collar is looking good. While shirt-shopping, avoid flimsy collars. And be sure to always use collar stays, those little plastic or metal tabs that reinforce the edges of your collar. A good collar frames your face and makes a world of difference in your appearance!

Cooking a steak is an important thing to learn. Yet surprisingly, most guys can’t do it very well.


10

COOK A STEAK

For some reason handling meat is one of the

classic skills every guy is expected to have.

Often, if you’re cooking with a woman, she will

automatically delegate cooking the protein to

you. For whatever reason, man is supposed

to own the meat. Maybe it’s a remnant of the

days when men hunted and the women

gathered.

The point is that cooking a steak is a skill

you’ve got to learn. It’s also a skill where a

little knowledge can go a long way to

improve the final product.

Once you’ve mastered cooking steak, it becomes a go-to recipe for date night, guys night or any night of the week.

COOK A STEAK


11

!"#$%&'%"()

  Steak (Rib eye, New York strip, or

T-bone)

  Salt, preferably kosher

  Neutral cooking oil like canola or

peanut oil

  Heavy-bottomed frying pan,

preferably cast-iron

  A wee bit of butter

  See “Accompaniments” at the end

of this section.

!*+,-./,!0*+

STEP 1: Salting the meat and bringing

it to room temperature   If you want to serve a side dish with the

steak, see “Accompaniments” at the end

of this section for a few ideas

  About 30-60 minute before you cook

your steak, put it on a plate or a cookie

sheet

  Salt it with the kosher salt, covering the

top and the bottom as well as the sides,

massaging it in

(Cont’d on next page)

COOK A STEAK


12

STEP 1: (cont’d)   Letting the meat rest during this step is

helpful. The time at room temperature

allows it too cook more evenly

throughout: if your steak is ice cold

when you cook it, the meat ends up

burnt on the outside and bloody on the

inside. During this time, the salt will also

get a chance to work its way into the

meat.

STEP 2: Frying the Meat   Once your steak has rested, it’s time to

turn on the pan!

  Turn on the heat to high/medium-high

and let the pan heat up until it’s just

about smoking. Put a little oil in and give

it a moment to heat up.

  Fry the steak 2-5 minutes per side

depending on the thickness. You’ll know

when to flip the steak initially because

you’ll see tiny beads of blood forming on

the top. Also, try to render some of the

fat on the edges by holding the steak up

with tongs, perpendicular to the pan.

COOK A STEAK


13

STEP 3: Checking the Meat   Use the “touch test” to ensure your meat

is cooked to perfection:

  With your left hand, touch your thumb to

your forefinger, so you’re almost making

an “ok” sign. With your right forefinger,

touch the meaty part of your palm right

below your thumb. In this position, the

meaty part below your thumb should

have about the same “give” as a

medium-rare steak.

  For medium, touch your thumb to your

middle finger. For well-done, touch your

thumb to your ring finger.

  Or if you’re using a meat thermometer:

rare=125F, medium-rare=130F-135F,

medium=140-150F, well done=155F+

(Don’t bother with well done. Better to

eat shoe leather!). Remember, if you

check your steak and it’s underdone,

you can still cook it more. But if you wait

too long to check it, you can’t turn back

time.

  About a minute or two before you’re

finished, add some butter to the pan.

Use a spoon to ladle the butter and

juices over the steak. This adds some

extra flavorful goodness and a nice

brown color.

COOK A STEAK


14

Step 4: Resting the Meat   Once the steak is done, pull it out of the

pan and place it on a clean plate or

cookie sheet.

  You’ll want to rest it for about 5 minutes

or so.

  This process is super important. During

resting, all the juices redistribute and

soak back into the meat evenly. You can

always tell if you haven’t rested meat

long enough: when you cut it, the juices

come pouring out and your cutting board

looks like a crime scene on CSI. You

don’t want that. Those juices are pretty

tasty, so keep them in the meat!

Acc"paniments If you have the time, the steak also goes great with: Baked potato Preheat oven to 350F, wash potato thoroughly, poke 8-12 holes in it with a fork, coat lightly with oil and salt. Put directly on the oven rack with a baking sheet underneath to catch drips. Bake for about an hour until skin feels crispy. When finished, cut it open and add some butter or sour cream. Bacon also helps. Sautéed spinach or asparagus (if in season) Both of these can sautéed in the steak pan while the steak is resting. Make sure and wipe out SOME of the beef juice and butter. Just sauté over medium/medium-high until tender, add a little salt and pepper and BOOM, you’re done. A big red wine like a Cabernet, Malbec, Zinfandel or Shiraz

Once you’ve mastered the steak recipe, you’ll

find it will become a go-to dinner for date-night,

guy’s night, or really any night of the week. It’s

refreshingly simple and it allows good quality

ingredients to shine with very little effort.

There's nothing quite as classy as a handwritten note. For the recipient, it’s a personal touch that shows you took the time to think of them.


15

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDWRITTEN NOTE

I was reminded of this is a few years ago when

one of my friends came to a cocktail party my

wife and I hosted. Afterwards he sent us a small

card with a handwritten note thanking us for the

party.

He could have easily done the same thing

with an email, but somehow because he

wrote it in a card and mailed it to us, it

seemed so much more charming and classy.

I was touched. And my wife practically melted.

He might as well have shown up in person with

a bunch of puppies wearing little bow ties.

Those quickly scribed “just for the hell of it” notes are often the most appreciated.

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDRITTEN NOTE


16

It was as though he had given us a piece of

himself. You can easily imagine someone half-

assing it when sending an email. But there’s

no cut and paste with handwritten notes.

There's something about a handwritten note

that suggests the person gave his undivided

attention to you—just for a moment.

Most people just think of the simple thank you

note, but there many other types of notes you

can send. Here a few ideas:

  Congratulate someone on an

accomplishment, however small.

  Say that you miss hanging out with them

and it’s time to get a drink together, STAT!

  Tell them about something that made you

think of them.

  Tell them about an event that’s coming up

and see if they want to go with you.

  Tell them about a brand of whiskey or a

record you’ve been enjoying. Ask whether

they’ve heard of it.

!"#$%&'%"()

 A pen

  1 stamp

 A quiet place with hard surface to write on

 A small blank card. Note: it’s worth investing

in some decent stationary. There are many

manly varieties available.

(Cont’d on next page)

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDRITTEN NOTE


17

!"#$%&'%"() 1/0*,234

You can go the extra mile with

stationary that’s personalized with your

name or initials. As with business cards,

personalized stationary says “I’ve got

my shit together.” It represents your

brand. Check out Crane & Co. for

classic options, or Etsy or Zazzle for

something more contemporary.

!*+,-./,!0*+

The point here is not to write the story of

your life. You can keep it pretty simple, 3

sentences or so.

The note should just show that you’re

thinking of that person and that you’ve

gone the extra mile to write it down, put

it in an envelope, and mail it to them.

The more often you send notes for no particular

reason, the easier it will become. Rather than

trying to find the perfect occasion, you’ll dash off a

quick card here and there. And those “just for the

hell of it” notes will probably be the ones that are

most treasured by the recipient.

http://www.crane.com/

www.etsy.com

www.zazzle.com

The Manhattan is one of the manliest drinks around. Originally invented around the 1870s, it is one of the classic cocktails.


18

MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN

Like many of those original drinks, this cocktail

is all about tasting the liquor in its full glory.

There’s no hiding behind mixers here.

But it’s not all about brute force either. There’s

some elegance to it, and that is what makes

it an amazing cocktail.

The best cocktails achieve a balance between

ingredients—sweet, sour, strong, bitter—to create

an alchemy of flavors and textures that come

together as a unified drink.

Before we go any further, it’s important to

appreciate the definition of the word “cocktail.”

When a Manhattan is made well, it is truly something to behold. And drink.



19

First, note that a rum and Coke is not actually a

cocktail. It's a “highball” because it has only one

type liquor with a non-alcoholic mixer. A true

cocktail consists of multiple types of liquor,

blended together in perfect harmony.

The Manhattan is a delicate flower—one of

those cocktails that can easily be ruined by

a careless bartender. I don’t order Manhattans

in most run-of-the-mill bars because they're just

too easy to mess up—usually because there's

too much vermouth. Vermouth is great in small

quantities, and it becomes a perfect wingman to

accentuate the rye. But in larger quantities it

can ruin the drink.

This is exactly why a good Manhattan is so

special. It takes an attentive bartender who

cares about what he’s doing. And when it’s done

well, it is truly something to behold. And drink.

!"#$%&'%"()

  2 oz. rye whiskey or bourbon

  ½ oz. sweet vermouth

  1-2 dashes Angostura bitters

  Garnish: maraschino cherry or

lemon twist

  Cocktail glass

  Ice

  Shaker or mixing container like a pint

glass with a strainer



20

!*+,-./,!0*+

  Fill the shaker or mixing container

halfway with ice.

  Add bitters, rye and vermouth.

  Using a long spoon, stir (don’t shake) the

ingredients together. Stirring the

ingredients with the ice adds a small

amount of water to the drink and helps

smooth out the overall mouthfeel.

  Strain into a cocktail glass, add your

garnish, and enjoy your Manhattan!

  If you like, you can also pour it into a

rocks glass and enjoy it over ice. It will

end up diluting the drink more, but you

may be less likely to knock it over if you

have trouble wielding a dainty cocktail

glass.

As you enjoy the drink, notice the balance of

ingredients. The interplay of flavors, the cool feel in your

mouth. You’re tasting history. You can almost see the

flapper girls and the guys in Fedoras. And the grumpy

barkeep with his sleeves rolled up. You have to admit,

this is way better than any museum…

P!o tip! Remember to never shake a Manhattan or a Martini. When you shake, you introduce small air bubbles that make the drink appear cloudier. You also break up the ice more and introduce too much water to the cocktail. Shaking should really be reserved for drinks where you’re incorporating citrus; when drinks have citrus they would never be clear anyway. The vigorous shaking also helps create a chemical reaction to bind the citrus with the other ingredients.

If you’ve read biographies of great men, you know that most successful people recommend you cultivate a habit of ACTION.


21

DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU

Yet most of us consistently hold back from

doing things we want to do or know we should

do. Why?

One word: Fear

While we may not realize it, fear is the little

nagging voice in the back of our heads that

holds us back from doing a lot of things: asking

out that girl we see at the coffee shop all the

time. Stepping up and taking on bigger projects

at work. Starting a new venture.

I’m not saying you’re actively scared, but when

it comes down to it, the reason we hesitate in

doing so many of these things is that we’re

afraid of the consequences: of failure, of

ridicule.



22

What’s funny is that when we sit down to

think about it, many of these fears are pretty

silly. What’s the worst that can happen if you

end up asking out that girl at the coffee shop?

Ok, let’ see: worst case, she’s not interested

and she politely declines. Is it going to cause

lasting harm to either of you? No. Worst case,

she just ends up awkwardly avoiding you in the

coffee line. But who cares? As long as you

weren’t a creep about it, you can hold your

head high.

Or what’s the worst that can happen if you ask

your boss about taking on more responsibility?

Even if he says no, your boss will probably tell

you why you’re not ready.

But instead of taking that as an indictment of

your character, take that feedback for what it is:

your roadmap to a future “yes.” If your boss

thinks you need more experience with X, fine,

you’ll take a class, you’ll practice. And before

you know it, your boss won’t be able to say no

much longer.

Something happens when we step up and

overcome that little fear-voice in our heads.

It’s invigorating. Even though for half a second

we feel like we’re going to die.

What we fear most is usually what we most need to do. –Tim Ferriss



23

When we face the thing we’re nervous or

scared of, we get a massive rush of confidence

and well-being. “I’m ALIVE!”

The best part? Action begets action.

Each time you do something like this, you get

better at it. You start remembering that the little

weasely voice is just bullshit, and that there’s a

reward if you can drown it out in your mind.

We spend so much of lives thinking about stuff

we want to do but never do. We rationalize that

it’s not the right time, we’re still figuring things

out, etc.

But in reality, the approach of “ready, fire,

aim” is often better than “ready, aim, fire.”

When we spend too much time “lining up the

shot,” sometimes we miss the opportunity. 90%

of the time, just DOING it will reap massive

rewards, even if we have to course-correct

along the way.

!"#$%&'%"()

  A pen

  A scrap of paper

!*+,-./,!0*+

  For this exercise, think of something you’ve

been putting off because of fear.

  Note: I am NOT recommending you do

something physically or criminally dangerous

here.



24

!*+,-./,!0*+ 156"(2&4

  There are tons of other small things in

your life that you’re probably putting off:

maybe asking your boss if the company

will pay for a public speaking class for

you, or pay for part of your grad school. Or

maybe asking someone you respect to

be your mentor.

  Take a scrap of paper and write down 3

or 4 things you’ve been hesitating on.

It’s best if you list them as very specific,

tangible actions.

  Then, circle the one you’re going to do.

Plan to take action on it in no less than

48 hours. Then actually DO it. All it takes

is one action: make phone call, send an

email, research something.

  Make this a habit going forward. Lather,

rinse, repeat.

Gradually, you’ll begin to see that the price of

“failure” is usually not very steep at all. It’s the

cost of inaction that weighs most heavily. And

armed with that knowledge, you’ll see the

world—and opportunity—in a whole new light.

In How to Win Friends and Influence People , Dale Carnegie tells a story that reveals a fundamental aspect of human nature.


25

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING

In the story, Carnegie attends a dinner party

and winds up chatting with a botanist sitting

next to him for several hours. Carnegie listens

intently as the botanist goes on and on about

exotic plants and gardens.

At the end of the night the botanist turns to the

host, saying that Carnegie was “most

stimulating” and “a most interesting

conversationalist.” The funny thing is that

Carnegie had hardly said a word.

Carnegie recalled:

I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to

without changing the subject, for I didn't know

any more about botany than I knew about the

anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this: I

had listened intently. I had listened because I

was genuinely interested. And he felt it.



26

You might think that in order to endear

yourself to someone, you need to talk

yourself up. True, sometimes it helps. I do

believe tooting your own horn is good. But that’s

for another time.

Even more important is your ability to be a good

listener. As Carnegie’s story shows, the

fundamental truth about human nature is

that people want to feel important and

valued. Carnegie points out that few people in

the world are immune to the flattery of someone

paying attention to them.

You’d be amazed at how much people start to

like you when you simply let them talk about

themselves. And even more so when you’re

actively listening and asking them follow up

questions. Some advice columns mention this

as a “trick” for to talking to a woman. But let’s

face it, this is just basic human nature for men

and women.

!"#$%&'%"()

  You

  Somebody else

  A place you can sit and chat

!*+,-./,!0*+

  Practice actively listening to one person.

Start by asking the person about

something. Make sure your body



27

!*+,-./,!0*+ 1/0*,734

language is primed for listening: turn

towards them, avoid distractions like the

TV or your cell phone. Be fully present

for their story.

  Try to focus on them and not worry

about what you’re going to add. Don’t be

one of those people who’s just waiting to

talk. Instead, focus on really listening to

them and empathizing without making

any judgments. Put yourself in their

shoes.

  Sometimes it helps if you periodically

replay or recap what the person has

been telling you (“Wow, it sounds like X

X is happening” or “What I’m hearing

you say is X.”). As you listen, try to think

of potential follow-up questions so you

can find out more about the story.

Just like Carnegie, you’ll find that if you

try to be genuinely interested, it will

come easily.

  You’ll sense the other person’s delight

that somebody cares about their world.

And you’ll both enjoy the conversation.

You’re not only giving them the spotlight,

you’re asking them to talk about

something they’re comfortable with.

After all, the one thing people know

most about is themselves and

their interests.



28

By being selfless in the conversation, you’ll

reap so many more rewards. For one, you

might actually LEARN something by listening.

For another, your small “sacrifice” of letting the

other person talk will be multiplied 10-fold in the

form of better relationships. You may even find

that giving someone your undivided attention

and truly listening for a moment is relaxing. In

time, it will become second nature, and you’ll

forget you ever had to “try” at all.

Your small “sacrifice” of letting the other person talk will be multiplied 10-fold.

You know, that hunk of paper wedged inside your glove compartment next to the Altoids and the old national park maps? That one.


29

READ YOUR CAR MANUAL

Why read your manual if you’re not broken

down on the side of the road? Two reasons:

First, I want you to know about all the fluids

in your car. Even if you don’t ever want to get

your hands dirty working on your car, minimally,

you should know where all the fluids go and

how to check them.

This, along with all the other little maintenance

things, will help you make sure your car doesn’t

crap out on you for a silly reason like not having

enough oil or coolant. If your manual doesn’t

visually show where everything goes, ask Mr.

Google, and he will tell you about your specific

make and model.

Second, you should get in the habit of reading

manuals. Any manuals you have for anything



30

that’s important to you. Why? Because—and

you’ve heard it before—knowledge is power.

Don’t be afraid to “get under the hood” for

anything you own. You’re always going to find

something of value.

Even though manuals can sometimes be full of

extraneous crap, I try to see them for what

they are: love letters from their makers.

Imagine the engineers who spent time slaving

over your car. I’m not talking about the

marketing associate who supervised the

graphic design and printing of the manual. I’m

picturing the guy with coveralls and grease on

his face that really got intimate with the car.

When that guy helped write the manual, he

wanted to give you all the helpful tips he

discovered while getting to know the car

inside and out.

I guarantee you will find at least one useful

nugget of information you didn’t know

before.

Sure, you can probably go on with your life

without ever reading a manual, and maybe

everything will be fine. That’s why we have

roadside assistance, right? But ultimately, you

become dependent on other people to fix your

issues. The more you can “dig in” and start

to understand things around you, the more

empowered you’ll be.



31

!*8-93!9*,+

  Your car manual

  Your car (if you don’t have a car, use a

friend’s—at least one of you should

know how to properly maintain it)

!*+,-./,!0*+

  Read the manual cover to cover. Take

notes or underline anything you find

useful.

  Look all around the car and under the

hood while you’re reading

  You should know where the following

things are under the hood: o  Engine oil dipstick o  Engine oil fill cap o  Coolant expansion tank o  Power steering dipstick o  Brake fluid dipstick o  Automatic transmission fluid dipstick o  Window cleaner reservoir



32

Good news, knowing more about your car does

not mean you need to work on it when it needs

fixing. The beauty of reading your manual is

that it also makes you smarter when you talk to

your mechanic. And the more you know, the

more you’ll feel like you’re truly in the driver’s

seat.

P!o tip! If you own a car or if you’re thinking about buying a used car, make sure you’re aware of the known problems for that make and model. Most cars aren’t perfect, and with a little research you can find out the common problems to watch for. Tom Cebollero of Metric Motors in San Francisco recommends doing a web search on “[car make and model] problems” or “[car make and model] pattern failures.” If you already own the car, this gives you an idea of what to watch for. And if you’re buying a used car, this gives you some leverage. You can ask, “I know the X in these cars often craps out around 80k miles. Have you had that replaced yet?” If not, you just negotiated yourself a discount.

The more you can “dig in” and understand the things around you, the more empowered you’ll be.

Okay, you probably think I’m going to have you walk around with a book on your head like women in the ‘50s did. No, not this time.


33

BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE

Try this first: go to a public place like a park or

the mall, and look around at the people there.

Do you notice how some people stand up

straight and tall while others slump over? What

kind of feeling to get from those two different

behaviors?

Well?

It’s undeniable: the way you carry yourself

projects your outward confidence or lack

thereof. All those people you see in the food

court (or wherever you are) are showing you

what they think of themselves by the way they

stand, walk and sit.

Notice how the person who stands up straight

and walks confidently looks like they could

command a room, or be more likely to be a



34

leader? And notice how the person who slumps

over in their chair or hunches over when they

walk looks like they don’t have any confidence?

Like they’re prepared to have an excuse for

why they’re not pulling their weight?

It’s amazing how much body language

communicates.

Some research suggests that “high-powered

individuals” generally have more eye-contact,

they’re more expansive and open in body

movement, and they have a more erect

posture.

Harvard Psychologist Amy Cuddy found that

standing up straight not only affects how we

look to others, but it can also change our

biochemistry.

After doing a series of 2-minute “power poses”

study participants showed an increase in

testosterone and a decrease in cortisol (a

stress hormone). So they not only looked more

powerful to observers, but they actually felt

more powerful and were better equipped to

handle stress.

Interestingly enough, some of these “power

poses” were as simple as standing up straight

with your hands on your hips (the “Wonder

Woman” pose) or leaning back in a chair with



35

your hands behind your head—basically,

confident, “expansive” poses.

Cuddy said these findings give us more reason

than ever to trust the mantra, “fake it till you

become it”—her twist on the old saying “fake it

till you make it.”

This goes back to the observation before about

the fitted shirt: seemingly “cosmetic” changes

can affect how you actually feel, and drastically

affect how others perceive you.

When you change how you carry yourself, you

set in motion a positive cycle: better posture

helps you look better to others and feel better

inside, which gives more reason to have better

posture, and so on.

!"#$%&'%"()

  You

  A public place with some other people

around

!*+,-./,!0*+

  Observe the crowd for a moment and see

what a difference posture makes.

  Give it a try yourself. Be mindful of your

posture when you’re walking around or

sitting.



36

!*+,-./,!0*+ 156"(2&4

  Notice your shoulders: most likely,

they’re hunched forward; pull them back

and stick out your chest—not in a

ridiculous way, but if you’re doing it right,

your shoulders probably feel broader.

Keep your hands at your sides.

  Try to pull in your belly. Ironically, if you

do this, you may find that the so-called

“pot belly” you were trying to cover up

with your baggy shirt is less of a

problem that you thought.

  Now that your posture’s better, notice

how you feel. Go up and talk to

someone (maybe order a coffee or

something).

  Notice how people react to you. I

promise, you’ll sense a difference.

  You’re radiating more confidence,

and at the same time making yourself

more approachable and engaging.

Once you become more aware of your posture,

you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t start paying

attention sooner.

Sinatra was the greatest crooner in history. He was a ladies’ man and a man’s man. Ladies wanted to be with him, and guys wanted to be him. He was the essence of cool.


37

HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA

What’s amazing about Frank Sinatra is how he

sang with such bravado, yet his music also

conveyed deep feeling and tenderness. On top

of that he had a great sense of humor.

Like any other guy, Frank had his faults, but the

passion that comes through in his songs is still

as fresh and powerful as ever. When you listen

to his voice, you can’t help but be struck by how

he appears so casual and relaxed yet able to

achieve such amazing control.

Sinatra’s music calls to mind smoky rooms and a world where booze flowed freely and times were simpler.



38

Having a drink and listening to Sinatra is like

a meditation in manliness. And it transports

you back in time to a different era.

He always said that at heart he was just a

“glorified saloon singer.” And his music calls to

mind smoky rooms and a world where the

booze ran freely and times were simpler. A time

when we didn’t know about global warming,

when “social networks” were barbershops, bars

and churches, and when diet soda and tofurkey

didn’t exist.

!"#$%&'%"()

  A few Sinatra songs, like: o  Come Fly with Me o  New York, New York o  My Way o  The Way You Look Tonight o  Angel Eyes o  Witchcraft o  Very Good Year

  A drink: Some sort of whiskey on the rocks

Frank’s drink was reportedly Jack Daniels

on the rocks, but if you want to have single

malt scotch instead, that works fine.



39

!*+,-./,!0*+

  Make yourself a drink and put on some

Sinatra songs.

  It’s important that your drink is on the

rocks with no mixer. There’s something

holy about drinking hard liquor on the

rocks while listening to Sinatra—like a

perfect wine pairing.

As you drink, you’ll experience notes in

Sinatra’s voice in the liquor: bitterness,

sweetness, starkness.

Soak it in and enjoy.

PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK


40

At this point, if you’ve managed to get through

all these sections, you should be feeling pretty

good about yourself. We’ve covered a lot of

ground in a short amount of time.

I really appreciate you reading this, and I hope

you found it helpful.

If nothing else, I hope I’ve inspired you to think

about all the little ways you can get started on

your journey to becoming a better man.

From the little things like getting your shirt

tailored, to the more serious things like doing

something that scares you, there are so many

ways to improve yourself and continue your

education as a gentleman.

Granted, this is just the beginning. But the most

important thing is that you started. You took the

first step.

I can’t say the journey will get any easier from

here. But it will be worth it, I can promise you

that. The more you push yourself and test

yourself, the more rewards you’ll reap.

I’ve already got a good feeling about you.

–Kyle Ingham

June 2014

Well hello! Are you still here?

INFO


41

Kyle Ingham is a big fan of burritos, bourbon,

and the occasional pirate joke. He is also the

founder of The Distilled Man, a website

dedicated to helping guys learn essential skills

and become well-rounded gentlemen. Kyle is a

regular contributor to other men’s lifestyle blogs

and lives in San Francisco with his wife.

If you’re not already part of The Distilled Man

community, sign up for regular updates.

Follow us and say hello on Twitter, Facebook, and

Google+.

:

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