4 Truths About Resolving Conflict in Your Business

“Harnessing Conflictto ImproveYour Business”

Trish Blake-Jones

April 6th, 2016

Photo:www.integra-leadership.com

4 Truths…

① You cannot ignore conflict② Conflict arises from unmet

expectations③ Conflict has level of “cares” or

values④ Other person not necessarily evil

Emotions in Conflict

SuzanneGiesemann.com

Emotions in Conflict (cont’d)

Say things we don’t mean Mean things we don’t say Emotions: confuse, hypnotize,

energize, freeze us in fear We’re stuck

Emotions in Conflict (cont’d)

ANGER

WorrySadness Uncertainty

ShameDisappointment Jealousy

Vulnerability

Conflict goes with usBusiness Personal/Family

www.familybusinessmatters.consulting

Approaches to Conflict

Compromise

Compete Collaborate

Avoid Accommodate

Importance of GOAL

Importance of RELATIONSHIP

Chart: Thomas & Kilman

I’d rather ignore the whole thing but…

Truth #1

You cannot ignore conflict

Photo: www.underwatersculpture.com

Common conflict coping mechanisms…

Side-step issue, don’t talk about it

Avoid other party Triangulate: get others on your

side Retaliate, Undermine, Give up

When conflict festers…Employees take control of

broken processes, Voids get filled – you lose

power to control the outcomeConflict spirals

When conflict festers…

Morale sinks Productivity sabotaged Clients/Customers leave Revenue

Truth #2 Conflict

arises from unmet expectations

So…?

We can be curiousWe can consider our intentionDistributive vs. Integrative

bargaining“Pie” could be bigger than we

thought

Truth #3 Conflict has levels of

“cares”or values

Values/Cares in Conflict

NegotiableNeeds

Wants

Truth #4 Intentions of other party

are not (usually) evil

www.glogster.com

YOUR Intention

Be the leader in your conflict Move into your conflict, in

order to move through Follow your intuition

Difficult People & ConflictPersonality Disorders 15% of population: 1 in 7 peopleBorderline Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality DisorderDon’t recognize they are high-

conflict

High-Conflict People (HCP)

All-or-nothing thinking

Preoccupation with blaming others

Unmanaged emotions

Draw in many other people

Drain energy, time and resources

Prolonged, unresolved conflict

High-Conflict People (HCP)

How to respond?Don’t take it personally – it’s not

youUse resources: HR, manager, 3rd

partyBook: “It’s All Your Fault at Work”

Bill Eddy, LCSW, ESQ.

High Conflict People

There aresome people you’ve justgot to love

from adistance.

Sonya TeclaiThe Goodvibe.co

Group development & conflict

Forming Storming Norming Performi

ng

Bruce W. Tuckman model

Reducing Conflict in business:

Crystal clear work processesTeam roles defined, refined

(frequently)Clear lines of reportingPolicies communicated and

followed

Reducing Conflict in business:Consistent recognition & reward

programsModel resolution culture –

transparency, integrity, openness

Get support if conflict averse

Modeling resolution…

Pick the “right” time and approach

Have intention to resolveBe the leader in your conflict

How to engage? One-to-one Letter/note Not texting Third-party support

…Consider APOLOGIZING

Assumes responsibility for 50% +Surprise tacticCan be deeply effectiveShifts dialogue immediately

Conflict as Learning

“Conflict is inevitable,but combat

is optional.” Max Lucado

http://blog.kevineikenberry.com

Got Conflict?BLAKE-JONESMEDIATION LLC1534 Monroe AvenueROCHESTER NY

tbj@trishmediates.com@TrishMediates585-943-1770