TIPS AND TOOLS TO HELP BUSY PARENTS RAISE GOOD KIDS AND CREATE A HAPPY FAMILY LIFE IN 20 MINUTES A DAY.

20MINUTE FAMILY

Easy for parents, Good for kids

The Problem No One Wants To Talk About

The REAL problem with work life balance is that no one is talking about the REAL problem. We just keep dancing around

it with all kinds of superficial strategies and temporary tactics. The reason behind most of our busy-ness is important, ex-

tremely important. It’s why all these great work life balance concepts, that make sense, aren’t working. We have a natural

tendency to work harder and stay up later, to try to get more done, simply because we can’t let go of many of the tasks

that are making our lives crazy. In fact, we haven’t even considered eliminating the things that are really at the heart of the

problem - because our hearts are at the heart of the problem... MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

Having It All Without Doing It All

Having it all isn’t about having everything. It’s about having what’s important. And what’s important is doing a good job at whatever profession we choose and feeling appreciated and respected for our contribution. What’s important is building loving relationships with our children, preparing them for life, and creating memories that will keep us connected as a fam-ily forever. What’s important is having time for sleep, exercise and relaxing with friends. Having what’s important is the only thing that will create balance in our lives. We CAN be successful at work AND great parents too, without neglecting our health or driving ourselves crazy. In fact, you would be amazed at what you can do for your children and your family life in

20 minutes a day - with the right tips and tools... MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

We Feel Guilty For a Reason

My very favorite of the work life balance tips is “letting go of the guilt.” Seriously? Who thought of that one? You can’t just

“let go” of guilt. It doesn’t work that way. You may be able to repress it or distract yourself from it temporarily with a glass of

wine, a hot bath, or a few laughs. But it doesn’t go away. It’s still there, underneath, waiting to surface when your emotional

guard is down. Why? We feel guilty for a reason. It’s our conscience telling us that we are not living our lives the way we

believe we should be. I am not saying that what we believe is realistic or practical or fair. It’s simply what we believe. And,

as long as there is a gap between how we THINK we should be behaving and how we ARE behaving, we are going to feel

guilty. We can’t just let go of guilt, unless we change how we LIVE or we change how we THINK...

The Biggest Mistake Parents Make

Parents are losing track of what’s REALLY important and forgetting how REAL parenting works. The biggest mistake

parents make is trying to create a perfect life for their children, instead of preparing them for the not-so-perfect life ahead.

Many parents, with good intentions, have gotten into the habit of helping, fixing, solving, and rescuing. It feels great at

the moment and it certainly makes our children happy - at the moment. The reality is, we need to let them experience

life’s natural lessons (frustration, disappointment, failure, fear, etc.) because that’s the only way they will learn how to

handle those emotions and thrive. It helps to understand three REAL LIFE RULES: (1) We can’t GIVE someone else

self-esteem, (2) We can’t MAKE someone else happy, (and 3) We can’t CREATE success for someone else...MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

Work Life Balance That Works in REAL Life

Most work life balance advice fails because it is based on the idea that you have to prioritize how you spend your time

and eliminate some of the things that are less important. Since “being a good parent” is a top priority, we can’t eliminate

it, even though it takes up most of our non-working hours. And, since we BELIEVE that we need to be doing everything

for and with our children, “being a good parent” becomes an overwhelming, exhausting, and never-ending job. Slashing

less important tasks off our TO-DO list usually leaves us feeling like we are giving up something. But once you understand

that some of the things we do for our children are actually handicapping them instead of helping them, they won’t even

be on your TO-DO list anymore... MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

Less Is More.

If you remember one thing from 20-Minute Family, it’s LESS IS MORE. The LESS we give and the LESS we do for our

children the MORE successful and happy they will be. It may feel uncomfortable at first - not what good parents do - since

we have been lured into thinking that love means helping, fixing, and solving problems for our kids. and making sure that

they are always happy. But once you understand this simple concept, a light bulb turns on and a huge burden lifts off your

shoulders. The result is less guilt, less stress, more free time, responsible and respectful kids, a more productive workday,

and a happier home. Your parenting job becomes much easier... MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

Why Parents Hate Parenting

How did we become so obsessed with parenting? It didn’t happen overnight. Little by little, parenting experts and market-

ing executives have led us to believe that we should be doing everything for and with our children. We have been brain-

washed into thinking that it’s our job to MAKE our children happy, GIVE them self-esteem, and CREATE success for them.

It’s an overwhelming, impossible job, which is a big part of why we are so stressed-out and exhausted. We believe every

moment is a teachable moment and it‘s our responsibility to make each one count. That’s a lot of pressure. But anyone

who has been in any kind of long-term relationship has probably learned, the hard way, that you can’t make someone

happy or give him/her self-esteem. You can’t create success for them either. They have to do it for themselves — and so

do our kids... MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

The Self-Esteem Fiasco: Have Parenting Pros Misled Us?

One of the biggest fiascos in the history of child-rearing practices has been the infamous self-esteem movement, which

began in the late 1960s with a book by Nathaniel Branden called The Psychology of Self-Esteem. He wrote many books

on the topic and inspired thousands of scholarly articles between 1970 and 2000. In 1987, California instituted a State Task

Force to Promote Self-Esteem. Schools were encouraged to praise and reward students constantly as well as eliminate

things like honor rolls that might make some students feel bad. Correcting with red ink became a no-no. Sports organiza-

tions stopped keeping score for young children and began systematically giving trophies to everyone on the team — just

for showing up... MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

Parents: Take Back Your Power!

Parents don’t realize the power they have at their fingertips. As long as kids need and want something from us, we

have the power to motivate them to behave. It’s really quite simple. We give them what they want IF and WHEN they

give us what we want. We’ve all used the age-old bribe: “If you want dessert, you have to eat your vegetables.” Parents

use it because it works. But think of it more as a trade than a bribe. It’s amazing how fast kids will move and how hard

they will work for something they want. Teenagers act like they don’t need us, and parents feel like they have no power.

But the truth is, they need us for all kinds of things, which means we have a lot more power than we think... MORE at

www.20minutefamily.com.

Traditions: The Surprisingly Simple Secret!

Family traditions are the basis for the kinds of memories that connect family members, no matter where they are. Rich-

ard Eyre, co-founder of valuesparenting.com, describes his own birthday tradition. “On my birthday in October, we had

always raked huge piles of autumn leaves with the kids and then jumped in them, stuffed them in our shirts, threw them in

the air, and just generally had a wild time. We thought, as the kids got older, their interest in such a frivolous activity would

fade. On the contrary, when they were teens, the leaf piles just got bigger. Finally, one year, four of our children were

away at school or living abroad. On my birthday, four birthday cards arrived. As I opened the first one, a leaf fell out and

a note, ‘Dad, I honored your birthday tradition. Here’s a leaf from my jumping pile. I love you.’ Through my tears I opened

the other three — and a leaf fell from each.” Who doesn’t want that? MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.

Happy Family CheckList: Talk, Fun, Memories

When we drive by a big, beautiful home and see the lights on inside, we naturally assume that it’s a happy home, and that

a happy family lives there. We imagine them laughing, hugging, and enjoying life together. We want that happy family life

and get excited about buying a new home or remodeling our home because we believe it will help us achieve our dream.

But our instincts aren’t very reliable when it comes to this kind of thing. The house doesn’t change anything. A happy

family is about what we do together. It’s the quality of connection we have with others that makes us feel good no matter

where we are. It’s the comfort of knowing we belong somewhere and matter to someone. A happy family is also based on

a framework of values we establish for our loved ones. When we send our children out into the world with a strong sense

of family, self and personal values, they thrive...MORE at www.20minutefamily.com.