When Alison and Tom first read the description of two little girls in need of a forever home, they said no.

The adoptive parents had a six year-old son and had lost a daughter in childbirth a few years earlier. They knew adoption was the right path for them… but not this adoption. The description of the girls was heart wrenching: Alexis, the three year- old, had suffered more than any child should ever have to, and baby Abby’s physical and neurological problems were so severe she might never leave the hospital. Alison still recalls her reluctant “no.” “When we read the girls’ profiles, I said to Tom, ‘We just buried a daughter, and I can’t go through that again. I can’t do this.’”

Then, a few months later, the same request came their way: two sad little girls still in need of a safe and loving home. This time, Tom and Alison said yes.

They moved Alexis into their home and began a long vigil by Abby’s hospital crib. Little did they realize then that Alexis would be their biggest challenge, as they began to struggle with the painful effects of her horrific abuse. “Abby was a piece of cake compared to her big sister!” Tom says, reflecting back on those early days.

“We started Alexis in preschool, but she was hitting students and kicking teachers,” says Alison. “At home the violence was just off the wall. Every morning I faced the same nightmare.” Alexis was finally diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, severe anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. And the signs that she had been sexually abused were unmistakable and shocking. “We loved this child dearly,” Tom says, “but we needed help.”

The parents turned to Family Resource Center. “What I really like about this place is that they took us seriously,” Alison says. “They understood how difficult things were, instead of thinking we were exaggerating.”

April Duncan, a therapist in Family Resource Center’s Therapeutic Preschool, began meeting with Tom and Alison weekly, both in her office and in their home. “I taught them a form of parenting that includes both attachment and discipline,” she explains, “and then we began to help Alexis deal with her trauma.”

“April taught us Parent-Child Interaction Therapy,” Alison explains, “which provided us with positive responses and positive feedback so Alexis could feel proud of herself; we just had to break through her hard outer shell. Now I can see the precious little girl hiding inside and I realize how much I like her.... how much I love her! It’s like a dream come true.”

Alexis graduated from the Therapeutic Preschool in August, just in time to start kindergarten. And Abby is thriving: She makes unmistakable sounds of happiness when her dad walks in from his law practice in the evening, and her parents are confident she will eventually walk.

On March 19th, Alison and Tom formally adopted Alexis and Abby, and they credit Family Resource Center with making that possible.

“Family Resource Center and April Duncan gave us the skills we needed,” Alison says. “If we didn’t have those tools…”

“I don’t think we would have gone ahead with the adoption,” Tom finishes softly.

September/October 2014Giving abused kids a chance for a better life

They Said Yes

Update

Family Resource Center will host the St. Louis City Court National Adoption Awareness Month 2014 Kickoff Celebration on November 7, 2014. To find out more about the event, or to see if you qualify to adopt a child,

visit our website at www.frcmo.org.

On March 19, 2014, Alexis and Abby found their forever family

Dear Friends,

You know about Superheroes. They wear cool outfits and “swoop in” to solve problems effortlessly. But real heroes? Well, in our business of giving abused kids a chance for a better life, real heroes look just like you and me, and they invest lots of love, sweat

and emotional energy to make a difference in children’s lives – and they’re almost never featured in comic books or films. Well, almost never . . .

If you have a chance to watch the United Way video, you’ll actually get to see two of our true-to-life heroes – Jim and Bobbie Jo Parker. The Parkers’ story is one of two stories featured in the 2014 United Way campaign video and we are proud that Family Resource Center was at the center of their story. (Some of you may recall hearing them tell their story at the 2012 “It Takes a Village” Gala.) Their experience is a powerful example of what can happen when the love of two very special foster parents, the skills and passion of Family Resource Center staff, and the generous support of the community and the United Way are focused on kids who really, really need help.

The United Way and Family Resource Center have been partners for 38 years, with the United Way providing community-based funding for our programs, and Family Resource Center providing the highly skilled hands and feet of our therapists and case managers. The United Way couldn’t – and we honestly couldn’t – do what we do without your support. Which brings me back to superheroes.

I like to remind the United Way audiences that abused children often fixate on superheroes because it seems like such a quick, easy, and satisfying way to end the chaos and trauma in their lives. So when Jim and Bobbie Jo offered their kids a chance to choose new names for their adoption, one of the boys chose – you guessed it – Spiderman. Well, that certainly wasn’t going to pass muster with the judge, but the little guy just insisted. Finally, one of his cousins asked him, “Hey, do you know what Spiderman’s real name is?”

Do you? It’s PETER PARKER. Today our own Peter Parker is thriving in the Parker family, along with his brothers and sister. Maybe someday he will -- like you -- be a real hero for some other little child who dreams of a life without pain or fear. Thank you for supporting the United Way and Family Resource Center.

With warm regards,

Of Superheroes and Real-Life Heroes

Loren Ribley came to Family Resource Center as a therapist in spring of 1983 and soon worked his way up to Assistant Director. He served the agency for 23 years until his death from cancer in 2006, at the age of 54. He was passionate about kids.

“Loren was my colleague for 18 years and Family Resource Center’s remarkable growth and development was accomplished in large part because of our partnership,” Greg Echele says. “Once, when we were discussing some particularly difficult families in our care, Loren reminded me that our job was to help struggling kids and parents, no matter what problems they brought to our door. He said we must find a way to help them… and we did. Those of you who did

not know Loren missed knowing someone special. He was passionate, professional, humorous and friendly, and he left us too soon. “

“Today, as we celebrate 40 years of helping kids, Loren would be proud of the commitment we bring to our work, and our tenacity in serving our clients and their families. He would be the first to tell us that our future is bright – if we continue to live and work by the values we hold dear and the culture he helped create at Family Resource Center.”

The Parker children, with Peter Parker on the right

40 Years of Family Resource Center: Loren Ribley

Anika Desloge, Therapeutic Preschool Volunteer

Anika Desloge, a junior at John F. Kennedy High School in West County, recently volunteered in Family Resource Center’s Therapeutic Preschool as part of her high school service project. She is the daughter of Peter Desloge, Chairman and CEO of Watlow, and a long-time supporter of the agency.

Anika says she quickly learned the names of all the children in the preschool, and she found she was able to apply many of the teaching and discipline skills that she observed the teachers using. “I learned a lot in a short time, and every day was interesting and different. Every kid that I talked to, made laugh, put in time-out, read to, or ate lunch with, truly had an impact on my experience. And the teachers do a fabulous job.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted to complete my school service anywhere else but here,” she says.

Anika Desloge volunteers in the Therapeutic Preschool

Family Resource Center’s annual Trivia Night on August 8 had a special poignancy this year. The evening was hosted by our Foster Care team, and more than $5,000 was raised to provide opportunities for our foster kids to have traditional childhood experiences, like summer camps and sports programs.

The case managers in Foster Care and the Licensing staff did a great job creating a “summer camp” theme at the Kirkwood Community Center. Trivia teams brought food (s’mores, anyone?) and table decorations guaranteed to bring back fond memories of summer camp.

Tripp Frohlichstein, President of MediaMasters, Inc., served as emcee for the event.

Trivia Night Raises Funds for Foster Kids

Emcee Tripp Frohlichstein with the winning team representing Children’s Permanency Partnership

Trivia Night attendees took the camp theme to a whole new level with trees, lanterns, and even a campfire

Heads or Tails is always a favorite

Silence is the best friend of child abuse. To report abuse in Missouri: 800.392.3738 To report abuse in Illinois: 800.252.2873

Sometimes an outstanding warrant is all that stands between our clients and a decent job. In many cases these warrants are for minor offenses such as traffic violations, but the process for dealing with them can be daunting for a family living in poverty.

Fortunately, the clients and case managers in the PathBuilders Program at Family Resource Center have found a powerful ally in local attorney Christian Misner, a graduate of St. Louis University School of Law. Christian’s law firm specializes in family law and traffic law. He provides his services to Family Resource Center pro bono: “Service to the community is part of my personal mission,” he says.

“The PathBuilders case managers call me when a client has a warrant that prevents them from getting a job or moving ahead with their case, and I help resolve the warrant. It is a lengthy and expensive process that requires a lot of teamwork. However, I want to get these clients back to work and keep them with their families. I get to know clients personally and care about them on an individual level, so it means a lot to know I have succeeded.”

“I have been very impressed with Family Resource Center,” Christian says. “The staff is dedicated and caring, and very interested in moving clients’ cases forward. And the agency itself seems strong. Your mission is compatible with my mission. Together I think we can do great things.”

Attorney Christian Misner provides pro bono services to Family Resource Center clients

Why I Give: Attorney Christian Misner

Family Resource Center received a $20,000 grant from the St. Louis-based Deaconess Foundation to assist the agency in introducing its PathBuilders Program into the Spanish Lake Community in northeast St. Louis County. The grant is part of Deaconess’ Community Capacity Building Initiative designed to create, strengthen, and expand the region’s capability to achieve and sustain better outcomes for children and youth.

The case managers in the PathBuilders Program will utilize both home and community-based interventions in Spanish Lake, providing skills and resources to parents and caregivers of at-risk children, as well as assisting daycares and preschools with training and mentoring.

Rev. Starsky Wilson, President and CEO of the Deaconess Foundation, presents grant award to John Heithaus, Family Resource Center’s Chief Development Officer

Family Resource Center held two Foster Parent Appreciation Picnics this summer, in recognition of the outstanding generosity of our foster families. 116 children and over 50 adults enjoyed water games, popcorn and snow cone machines, a beanbag tournament, and delicious food. A big hit at the Jefferson County picnic was the entertainer Babaloo. “Babaloo brought buckets for the kids to bang on,” Shannon Zimmerly, a Resource Specialist in Foster Care said, “and he sang gross and funny songs that the kids loved.”

“It was exciting to see the events come together,” Shannon Mann, a Children’s Permanency Partnership Licensing Associate Supervisor, said. “It was nice to show these foster parents how much they’re appreciated.”

Celebrating Foster Care Families

Babaloo, a “one man band” CPP Supervisor Linda Middleton gets into the fun

Deaconess Grant Supports Spanish Lake Initiative

President Steven GoldsteinPresident-Elect, Program Committee Chair Brian Clevinger, PhDVP-Human Resources Steve SmithVP-Development Jan L. Hess

Secretary Juliane M. PraissTreasurer Matt Harvey

Cindy S. HandyDavid W. HaynesAnne H. Herzog

Laura HoltScott HomanChristopher ReidTina ShannonSusan StithRick Wessel

Family Resource Center Update is published to further our mission and to acknowledge our partners in achieving this mission. Client confidentiality is always maintained in stories, unless permission has been granted by a client to use real names and photos. For corrections or questions, please contact the Development Department at 314.534.9350 or via email at sleblanc@frcmo.org.

Chief Executive Officer Greg EcheleChief Development Officer John HeithausEditor Jessica Dederer

Art Direction and Design Sherry LeBlanc

Copywriter Jean Monahan

Anna Mayer BeckDean BoeschenSatonya L. BookerValori BringStephen J. BurrowsKent A. ChancellorDannae DelanoSherry B. DeloThomas L. FerrisAndrea P. FrazierSarah FuhrmannJohn D. HeithausPhyllis A. Hoff

Christine HomanDonald G. Imholz John J. IraceCyeria JacksonLiz JohnsonLorraine KeeJoseph KelleyAshley KemperMary Jane KingTom LaMantiaAsha S. LundalKjell LundalMichael Manchisi

Carol MargreiterDebbie MarshallLeo H. Ming, Jr.Deborah MorleyAlison C. Nash, M.D.Tim Person, Jr.Thomas P. PollihanHeather RhodesWilliam RoseKathy SiddensEllen C. SmithLina Young

Interim President/Vice President Nathan Holt Treasurer Michael DiSalvo

Nominations Chair Tia Jenice Morris

Catie BeykirchJaclyn Davis

Mychal VoorheesAnna Wingo

Advocacy Board

Young Professionals Board

Ameren donated colorful backpacks filled with school supplies for our Foster Care kids

Datamax employees held a “Casual for a Cause” day, and collected $2,342 for Family Resource Center.

Boeing employees donated furniture for the clients in Family Resource Center’s mentoring program

Datamax Casual for a Cause

Boeing Donates Furniture

Editorial Information

The cost of this publication has been partially subsidized by in-kind services from our generous vendors.

Family Resource Center’s mission is to give abused kids a chance for a better life by preventing and treating all forms of child abuse and neglect

and by strengthening families through family-centered therapeutic, educational, and support services.

Governance Board

Ameren Donates Backpacks for Kids Family Resource Center Mission

$25,000 - $49,999Mallinckrodt Pharmaceuticals

$10,000 - $24,999Kent and Diane ChancellorDeaconess FoundationWatlow

$5,000 - $9,999St. Luke’s Hospital

$2,500 - $4,999The Boeing CompanyPackaging Concepts, Inc.

$1,000 to $2,499Ameren MissouriCBIZ MHM, LLCCentene Charitable FoundationCommerce BankComputer Sales International, Inc.First BankGoldstein & Pressman, P.C.Christine and Scott HomanIBM SoftwareJohn and Sandy IraceLockton CompanyMichael and Julie ManganMarsh

MercerMidwest BankCentreBill and Paula OttPrime Blend IndustriesSumner Group IncThompson Coburn LLPTriage Consulting GroupTricorBraun

$500 - $999Childrens Permanency PartnershipSean DonlinGood Shepherd Lutheran ChurchMatt and Kelly HarveyPhyllis HoffClay HunterRichard and Judith LaitmanSara MillerPeggy and Andy NewmanDavid NietersChristopher Reid and Jennifer DeLaneyHenry and Beth RzoncaJeffrey TopelDaniel and Sarah WesselSteve Zaborowski

$250 to $499CBIZ Benefits & Insurance Services, Inc.Tom and Dolly CorbettMike CredilleTom and Ruth FerrisMaureen FranklynDennis GipsonLiz and Scott JohnsonJohn and Laura LeeNavis IndustriesTracy PackinghamTim SmithRandy ThompsonWells Fargo Community Support CampaignGreg WilsonAndy and Jean Zinsmeyer

$100 to $249AT&T United Way / Employee Giving CampaignMark BengardPaul ChapmanDannae and Aaron DelanoThomas DouglasseScrip Schnucks ProgramAngie and Ken FinkFreddie Mac

Dino and Karen GrassoDan HebrankJan and Gabe HessLaura HoltMark and Brenda MalyMatt and Lisa McGrathMerchandise Pickup Service, Inc.Mile High United WayRob and Pat MillerForrest NailGary OlsonPeabody EnergyRMK Billing SpecialistsRick and Carol ShortSTL Books LLCLisa Van Fleet and Frank McCrackenGordon and Bonnie WalkerWells Fargo AdvisorsBill and Ellie WilsonMike and Mary Wissler

Up to $99AmazonSmile FoundationJake AndersonChristian BugyisMike ChatfieldRick Chatfield

Catherine CogornoAlicia FeitoScott FiesteRyan and Jocelyn FreemanJohn and Angela HeithausPaul Justis, Jr.Luke and Amy LaughlinDale and Marion LindquistEric LudwigRandy MaierCarol MargreiterTony and Cheryl MeoliRyan MillerClara ParsonsThomas and Jane PotterHeather RhodesDeborah RoseTony RuggeriAnn SchwarzSarah SpellMotoe Suzuki

In-Kind Donors Ameren Missouri System Metering DepartmentTerri and Matt BorowiakThe CourtHouse GrillDad’s Cookie CompanyDunn’s Sporting Goods

Christy FinselFloraltyGreen Jacobson, PCMichele and Donnie GrossLucinda HerronHodak’s RestaurantHolties Restaurant and PubImperial BowlAshley and John KemperKathleen LangevinMarcia LevinJames and Sarah LomaxLos Portales Mexican RestaurantBrad and Shannon MannJean MonahanOrschelenPogolinos De SotoRay Ray’s Kettle CornRita ReinhardtMike and Joyce RothCatherine SerraSmugala’s Pizza PubStray Rescue of St. LouisWehrenberg TheatreTamara Zahrndt

Family Resource Center Donors: 7/1/14 - 8/30/14

2015 Gala EventA kite cannot fly on its own. It needs wind and someone to hold it steady while another grabs the string and runs. The wind lifts the kite to soar to the sky, dancing with the clouds.

Abused children deserve a chance for a better life. Together, we can lift them up, hold them steady, and cheer them on as they begin to soar.

SAVE THE DATE! Mark your calendar and make plans to join us for the 2015 Gala Soar: Rising Above Abuse, Reaching New Heights. Help these children break free from the cycle of abuse and neglect and find a way to truly SOAR.

Saturday, February 14, 2015St. Louis Union Station6:00 pm

For more information, visit our gala website at www.frcgala.org.

August 25th may have been the hottest day of summer, but Family Resource Center’s 20th annual Golf Tournament at the Country Club of St. Albans had a very cool vibe, as over 180 golfers and volunteers gathered to raise more than $90,000 for abused and neglected kids.

The day on the course concluded with a dinner and auction emceed by Michael McLaughlin, a survivor of childhood abuse, who has received national accolades for his efforts to help abused children.

Greg Echele, Family Resource Center’s CEO, described Michael as having an unusual amount of resilience, enabling him to rise above the abuse and homelessness to complete his post-graduate education at Washington University.

The tournament was hosted by Watlow, a manufacturer of industrial electric heaters, and one of St. Louis’ largest privately-held companies. Thanks to our volunteers from Target Hampton Village, and Family Resource Center staff members.

20th Annual Golf Tournament

IBM: Jeffrey Topel, Jerry Lis, David Nieters, and Dan Hebrank

St. Luke’s Hospital: Rick Sonne, Gary Olson, Laura Holt, and Scott Johnson

McCarthy: Mark Bengard, John Buescher, Don Miller, and Ryan Freeman

Donoson Group: Larry Bloch and Steve Stone and Meoli Digital: Tony Meoli and Kevin Passmore

Delta Dental: Rick Chatfield , Michael Chatfield, Brian Howard and Richy Witworth

Commerce Bank: John Handy, Brian Watkins, John Colbert, and Jeff Jacoby

Summit Strategies: Mark Sandquist, Pat O’Neil, Tom Pollihan, and John Renner

Ameren: Joe Blake, Aaron Blake, Harold Grice, and Eric Knowles

Centene: Dustin Wilcox AT&T: Ann Schwarz and Joe Dziurgot

Thanks to our sponsors, Family Resource Center will give more than 7,000 abused kids and family members a chance for a better life this year.

20th Annual Golf Tournament

Ameren MissouriAT&TBMO Harris BankBoeingCBIZ MHM, LLCCommerce BankDatamax

First BankChristine and Scott HomanHusch BlackwellIBMLocktonMcCarthyPrime Blend Industries

PwCSt. Luke’s HospitalSummit Strategies GroupThompson CoburnTriage Consulting GroupTriCor Braun

Tournament Host Watlow’s sponsorship will help keep Kiara and her four children safe and together, breaking the cycle of

three generations of child abuse.

The support of our Eagle and Hole Sponsors will help Jimmy and Shane attend our very special Therapeutic Preschool to prepare them for kindergarten.

The support of our Birdie Sponsors will help Karen, a teen mother, learn to be a good parent.

Guest Emcee Michael McLaughlin Golfers enjoyed 18 holes of golf at the Country Club of St. Albans

Volunteers from Target Hampton Village