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10th grade As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. Shewas my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished sh

e was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, shewalked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted totell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. 11th grade The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss onthe cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Senior year The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that ifneither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did.

Prom

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night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want herto be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I

had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Graduation Day A day passed, then a week, then

a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfectbody floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't wantto be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. A Few

Years Later Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But

before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,

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I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Funeral Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what

it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to bejust friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried. 9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist asking forthe time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at

my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get offtheir a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can'teat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?

Who

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and where are they? 5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?"No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor! 6. Peop

le who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did yasunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! Whatcan you do thats longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here??? Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and

ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask

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him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And pushall the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10)STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them

on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and sayyou're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help

pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures ofeveryone in the lift.

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20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exitswith the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'mpregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in

the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime,

we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of

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myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children. Your daughter, Judith PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse thingsin life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home. In Honor of Stupid People In case you neededfurther proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of

Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"

(and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will behot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking thisbecause???....) On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use

only." (as opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be usedfor the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

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On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) Onan American Airlines packet of nuts -"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (St

ep 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?) On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of thisgarment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the pa

rents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain withyour hands or genitals." (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity. W

hen a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine When a GIRL stares at you,

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She is wondering why you are lying When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking foryour attention When a GIRL sms's u everyday, She wants you to reply at least once When a GIRL says I love you, She means it When a GIRL says that she can't live

without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future When a GIRL says"i miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than that. Boys, just do it!----Tell her you think shes cool. Tell her why you think shes so cool. Smell her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river; shell scream and fight you but secretly, shell love it. Hold her hand and skip. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her. Tell her she looks pretty. Let her pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as The coolest girl I know. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, and playgrounds, and train stations. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes. Write poems about her. Just walk around with her. Throw pebbles at her window at night. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Take her to shows of bands shes never heard of. Hold her

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hand in the mosh pit. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her backif she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names intoa tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her piggy-back rides. Go see her band play even if they really suck, and tell her they were great. Give her space if she needs it. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night when shes sick. Makeup pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Teach her guitar. Lend heryour cds. Write on her. Make her mixtapes. Write her letters. If she asks you to

go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour train trip. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Listen to all the bands shementions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. When shes sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy herice cream. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Kiss her in the rain.When you fallin love with her, tell her.

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*Also, don't talk about your ex-boyfriends. We never have, nor ever will respector like them, nor do we want to hear about them. When you do, you're asking you

r boyfriend to be jealous. You're asking your boyfriend to lose trust. *On that,don't hump everything that walks into the room. We don't care if you talk to ot

her guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact

that we're still there. *Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stoptrying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, youcan quote me. *Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Smile and say "thank you." Let us pay for you. Don't "feel bad." We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile

and say - everybody together now - "thank

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you." *Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know nobody's looking we'll be more impressed. *You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're

going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wearthe shortest skirt you have, put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are. *Don't flirt with guys when we're not around. We'll find out. Trust us. We have eyes everywhere. And when we find out, we're

pissed. Not necessarily with the guys you flirted with, moreso with you. *Don'ttake everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty

in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. *Don'ttalk about how hot Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. *Whatever happened to the word "handsome"? Why does everything have to be "hot/sexy"? I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/

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sexy" or whatever else you can think of. Claiming girls or guys to be "hot" shows immaturity. **Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treatedright by a guy, don't wait for him to change. Ditch his sorry, disgrace-to-the-male-population ass, and find someone who will treat you with utter respect. Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. *12 signs your falling in love* 12. You'll read his/her txts over and over again... 11. You'll walk really really slow while you're with him/her...10. You'll pretend 2 be shy whenever you're with him/her... 9. While thinking bout him/her...your heart will beat faster and faster... 8. By listening to his/her voice...you'll smile for no reason. 7. While looking at him/her..you cant seethe other people around you...you can only see that person... 6. You'll start listening to SLOW songs. 5. He/She becomes all you think about 4. You'll get highjust by their smell... 3. You'll realize that you're always smiling to yourselfwhen you think about them.. 2. You'll do anything for him/her...

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1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.....- a chain letter

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view

of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check thewedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon

I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn'tovercome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make

love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I

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walked straight towards my car. My future father-inlaw was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

*What Does Love Mean?* A group of professional people posed this question to agroup of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all even when his hands got arthritis, too. That's Love. Rebecca - age 8 When someone loves you, the way they say your name isdifferent. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French Fries without making them give

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you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. Theylook gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8 "Love is what's in the room with you at

Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." Nikka - age 6 "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy -

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age 8 "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing meto sleep at night." Clare age 6 "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece

of chicken." Elaine-age 5 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7 "Love is when your

puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you" Karen - age 7 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age6 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it,

you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8 And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about contest he was asked to

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judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. (Now this will melt your heart.) The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man

cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." 19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

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7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't Use Any Punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Ask People

What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer. 11. Specify That YourDrive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A PoetryRecital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name "Rock Hard". 17. When The MoneyComes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

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19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have ToLet One Of You Go." WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a slow kiss goodnight, It's anticipat

ion. Love is flirting ourtageously and still remembering that the person at yourside is not obligated to do anything, It's respect. Love is an imperfection in

your self not bothering you, it's acceptance. Love is passing up an opportunitybecause the time isn't right yet, It's patience. Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles, it's exploration. Love doesn

not have to say, "lets make love," because you know what the other person wants, it understands. Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed, it's consideration. Love is both of you remembering protection, it's responsibility. Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles, it's humor. Love is being told "stop and i'll killyou." It's desire. Love is reviewing the damge to your living room and realizing

personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door the to bedroom, it's abandonment. Love is seeing what your love really looks like for the first time, it's truth. Love is knowing what time it is and not caring, it's

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Love is stories that will never be told, it's personal. 112 ways to say... I LOVE YOU English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic- Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez sirumen Bambara - M'bi fe Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahnnhee ah Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a Catalan - T'estimo Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol - Mi aimejou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou

van jou Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita

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Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni Marathi - Me tula prem karto Mohawk - Kanbhik Moroccan

- Ana moajaba bik Nahuatl - Ni mits neki Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni Norwegian - JegElsker Deg Pandacan - Syota na kita!! Pangasinan - Inaru Taka Papiamento - Mi t

a stimabo Persian - Doo-set daaram Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay Polish - Kocham Ciebie Portuguese - Eu te amo Romanian - Te iubesc Russian - Ya tebya liubliu Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian - Volim te Setswana - Ke a go rata Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You') Sindhi

- Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan Sioux - Techihhila Slovak - Lu`bim ta Slovenian -Ljubim te Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo Swahili - Ninapenda wewe Swedish - Jag alskar dig Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di Surinam - Mi lobi joe Tagalog - Mahal kita

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Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu Thai - Chan rak khun (to male) Thai - Phom rak khun (to female) Turkish - Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu Urdu- mai aap say pyaar karta hoo Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female) Vietnamese -Em ye^u anh (to male) Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh Yoruba -Mo ni fe Suggestions For Women To Respond To Pickup Lines "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." He: So what do you

do for a living? She: Female impersonator. "Is this seat empty?" "Yes, and thisone will be too if you sit down." "So, wanna go back to my place?" "Well, I don

't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" "It's in the phone book." "But I don't know your name."

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"That's in the phone book too." "What sign were you born under?" "No Parking." "I know how to please a woman." "Then please leave me alone." "Haven't we met before?" "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic." "I want to give myself toyou." "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." "I can tell that you want me." "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave." "Hey, baby, What's your sign?" "Stop." "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" "Sorry, I don't dateoutside my species." "May I see you pretty soon?" "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?" "Your body is like a temple." "Sorry, there are no services today." "I'd go through anything for you." "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

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"I would go to the end of the world for you." "Yes, but would you stay there?" "Your place or mine?" "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." After hearinga pickup line: I like your approach, now let's see your departure. If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?" say "I thought you weregood looking, but I was mistaken." He: Would you like to dance? She: Not with you. He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did. He: Do you wannadance? She: Yeah but not with you! He: You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants! Q: Does beauty run in your family? A: It obviously doesn't in yours! Q: What's your name sexy? A: Taken! Q: Do you believe in love at

first sight or do you want me to walk by again?

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A: Yeah, but this time don't stop! Q: I think you're the best looking girl in here. A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I! He:

Your legs go clear up to your a**. She: Most peoples' do! Q: Can I buy you a drink? A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too! "You look like a dream." Response: "Go back to sleep." He: What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? She: What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world? "I cansee forever in your eyes." Response: "But all I can see is never in yours." "I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included." Response:

"Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk." 10 commandments of being a teenager: 1. Thou shall not sneak out when there parents are

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sleeping (why wait?) 2. Thou shall not do drugs (alochol lasts longer) 3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart (Walmart has a bigger selection) 4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism (destructon has a bigger effect) 5. Thou shall not steal from their parents (everyone knows Grandma has more money) 6. Thou shall not get into fights (start them) 7. Thou shall not skip class (take the whole day off) 8. Thou shall not go to strip clubs (Hooters has better food) 9. Thou shall not think about having sex (like Nike says... just do it) 10. Thou shall not helpold ladies cross the street (leave them in the middle) Life's Highs... 1. 2. 3.4. Laughing hysterically Dancing your heart out Star gazing Shopping

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5. Going to the beach 6. Listening to the rain 7. Ice-cream on a hot day 8. Feeling wanted 9. Getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when you think about the one youlove 10. ReceIving text messages 11. Personal jokes 12. ComplIments 13. Late night phone calls 14. Christmas 15. Hugs 16. Kisses 17. Knowing someone misses you18. Knowing someone is thinking of you 19. Good dreams 20. Skipping school for a

day 21. Lying on the grass starring into the sky 22. Going up to the snow 23. Jumping into a warm bed on a cold night 24. Seeing your guys/girls name on your mobile when it rings 25. Your first kiss 26. Talking for hours about absolutely nothing 27. Looking back on the laughs 28. Receiving presents 29. Giving presents

30. Birthdays 31. Air conditioning when it's hot 32. Being full of energy 33. Seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend 34. Watching someone do something stupid, and them thinking no one saw

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35. Nice smelling perfume/cologne/deodorant 36. Good hair days 37. Turning on the radio to hear that your favourite song is being played 38. Running into an old

friend 39. Strolling along the pier at night 40. Finding $5 on the ground 41. Being home alone 42. Reading a good magazine 43. Sun baking 44. Sleeping in 45. Watching the sun come up 46. Seeing a shooting star 47. Waking up to find the person you love in your arms 48. Weekends 49. Holidays 50. Jumping on a trampoline51. Sitting infront on the fire on a cold evening 52. Smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies 53. Singing into your hairbrush in your room 54. Bubble baths 55. Turning up your sterio as loud as it will go 56. Being so happy it makes you cry 57. Summer 58. Finally completing somthing you started a long time ago 58. Achieving a long time goal 59. Warm nights 60. Falling in love...

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Having a guy dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your momsay "Your dog died but you can still keep it" Derick: I guess we are the left-overs in this world. Lily: I think so...all of my friends have boyfriends, and weare the only the 2 people left in this world without any special person in our lives. Derick: Yup, I don't know what to do. Lily: I know! We'll play a game. Derick: What game? Lily: I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days and you will be my boyfriend. Derick: That's a great plan, in fact, I don't have anything to do much for the following few weeks. DAY 1: They watch their first movie

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Derick: I'm tired Lily...Do you want anything to drink? I'll buy you one...I'lljust go down the road. Lily: An Apple Juice, that's all. Thank you. Derick: Wait

for me. 20 minutes later A stranger approached Lily Stranger: Are you a friendof Derick? Lily: Yes, why? What happened? Stranger: A reckless drunk driver ranover Derick, and he is in critical condition in the hospital. 11:57 pm: The doctor walked out of the emergency room; he handed Lily an apple juice and a letter.

Doctor: We found this in Derick's pocket. Lily reads the letter and it says: Lily, These past few weeks, I realized you are a really

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cute girl, and I am really falling for you-your cherished smile, your everythingwhen we played this game. Before this game ends, I would like you to be my girl

friend for the rest of my life. I love you, Lily. Lily crumpled up the paper andshouted: "Derick! I don't want you to dieI love you; remember that night when w

e saw a meteor and I mumbled something. I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and that we would never have to end this game. Please don't leave meDerick .. I love you! You can't do this to me!" Then the clock strikes 12... Derick's heart stopped pumping... It was the 30th day. THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE-"If you're going to kill eachother do it outside-I just finished cleaning." *My mother taught me RELIGION-"You better pray that will come out of the carpet." *My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL-"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to kick you into the middle of next week."

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*My mother taught me LOGIC-"Because I said so, that's why." *My mother taught meFORESIGHT-"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case your in an accident." *M

y mother taught me IRONY-"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about." *My mother taught me OSMOSIS-"Shut your mouth and eat your supper." *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM-"Will you look at the dirt on the back on your

neck!" *My mother taught me STAMINA-"You'll sit there till all that spinach isfinished." *My mother taught me about WEATHER-"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." *My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS-"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you; would you then listen." *My mothertaught me about HYPOCRISY-"If I've told you once I've told you a million times-Don't Exaggerate!!!" *My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE-" I brought you into

this world, and I can take you out."

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*My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION-"Stop acting like your father." *My mother taught me about ENVY-"There are millions of less fortunate children

in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." THANKS, MUM! Friends ' Best Friends Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs. Best friend: callsyour parents by their first names. Friend: has never seen you cry Best friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on Friend: never asks for anything to eat

or drink Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home Friend: asks you to write down your number. Best friend: they ask you for their number (cuz they can't remember it!) Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff Friend: only knows a few things about you Best friend: could write a biography on your life story

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Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing Best friend: will always go with you Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This

is a loveletter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship......and so..the boy wrote this letter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter.. 1 "The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the onething that I want to do is to 6 look at other girls. I never wanted to 7 marry you. Our last conversation 8 was very boring and has not 9 made me look forward to seeing you again. 10 You think only of yourself. 11 If we were married, I know

that I would find 12 life very difficult, and I would have no 13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart 14 to give, but it is not something that 15 I want

to give to you. No one is more 16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not17 able to care for me and help me. 18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor 20 if you think this is the end. Donot try 21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

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22 23 24 25

things that do not interest me. You have no true love for me. Good-bye! Believeme, I do not care for you. Please do not think that I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers) So..Please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet.... :) Happiness needs sadness. Success needs failure. Benevolence needs evil. Love needs hatred. Victory needs defeat. Pleasure needs pain. You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation;and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything |C|I|N|D|E|R|E|L|L|A| walked on broken glass Sleeping Beauty let a whole 'lifetime' pass Bellefell in .l.o.v.e. with a :hideous beast: (Pocahontas) risked her life for a feast

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neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be stro

ng honey. I love you too!!"

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