8/14/2019 1772 Wedding Edition

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[FW"fl fans, we know thatall of you whocouldattendwercon hand or perhapshemostsignificantweddingof this or anydecade,hat of fuidy andMargi Hofer,andThis Week In1772n{wasthere, rom the first rehearsal o the final lnrs d'oermre.Findingthe coverage f theeventby The NewYorh firnes (acompetitorof ours) o be be entirely nadequate,he staffof ourtlarford offrce workedaround he clock for days o put ogether a suitable ribute o thisgreatevent;both to commemoratct and o giveyou a look at theprrcparations,hepomp,and hepeoplewho made his dayso spccial o all of us. In short,we've ried to bring you thekind of insightwhich our humblepublicationhasbeconrcso amous or, while proving that, tnrly, nothing ssacrcd.This watershedssue s also our fint disuibuted hrough he USMail, causingnoend ofslecpless ights or our legalstaff,but wc lnow that our public will be ablc, n the en4 to take heissuewith the apprcpriarc egrecof seriousness,s heyhavebeen orced o do somany imes nthepast.Wewelcomeback our old fans, anpng which we ane roudto count he happycouple,andat the same irnewearpleasedo add anewandhopefully mre sophisticatedeadership.Enjoy!-- the editorial staffG

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othermembersf he groom'sntourageeregivenhandsomeairsof cufflinks othto completeheiroutfits ndasmementosf he blessed vent.naccordanceithtftldition, owever,hemother f he groom,hemost mportantuest, tole heshowwitha daringashion@up.Hernecklace, magnificenthite hokerrom heDiorpour 'h6pitalcollection,asa picture fsleeknessndsupport, peciallyittedo Mrs.Hofe/sneckandclosedn he backwith Velcrom. econgradulatedeline nherspendid rnamentation,hichweare old salsobulletproof.F The Fetiw, Tln Gun,eN Tlln Holy Sptrft( Sat20June Perhapsarthestrom heminds f hebride nd'groomnconsideringhewedding reparationsas he ssue f security.hese wostarry-eyedkidscould carcelyave maginedhat heirworldwideame ould auseproblemsttheactual eremony,nd he respectiveamiliesid heirbest o downplayhepotentialangersromovezealousdolators,swellas rom heoccasionalcrackpot.At hesame ime,extensiveovert ecuritymeasures ereput nplace, xecutedlargely y a handpickedecurityorcewho,atterbeing elected n hebasis f heirintimidatinghysicalize,were isguiseds usherso as o be nconspicuous.Fictitiousdentitiesndcareers erecreatedorthemand he nformationascleverlydisseminatedsingheweddingrogramshemselves.heguests fhonor erepersonallyscortedo heir eats y hese odyguards,nd hepositioningf he

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8/14/2019 1772 Wedding Edition

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(TIp ffis, Tlp Gwt,cont.)ushers ndbridesmaidsasdeliberatelyifferentrom hatof mostweddingso as oconfusehe mplementationf anyplotsagainsthecouple. ftereveryone asseated,hecentral islewassealed tf rom hepewsusing ighvoltageibbonspeciallyesignedortheoccasion. hat eemed t irsta paranoidoncemwith hesafety f heparticipantsurned ut,however,o be entirely ecessary.nlysecondsafterhehappy oupleweresafely ut hedoor,havoc truck. nunidentifiedgent,perhaps isguiseds anorchestra ember,enta deadly ailof metal aining ownfrom hechoiroftonto heaisle, herehenewlywedsadstood nlymomentsarlier.Thecriminal eniusesponsiblelsodruggedoloistMichaelAmoryocreatediversiono shield isescape. hehelpless ishawas eftparalyzed ith aughterandmissedhe irst ourmeasuresfhissolo,apparentlyecausefshock. heidentity f the ntruderemains nknown,ndof hosewhomight ave eenhim, hemusiciansn hechoiroft,none eemwillingo sing.&.etuoring Doubg( Sat20June Allof youwhoattendedhewedcling ay ecallthatheprogramcontained briefhistory f heAsylumHillChurch.Weallreadwithgreatnterestabout hechurch'sllustriousast,ncludinghedevotedmembershipfMarkTrain.(WhyMr.Twain'sevotionoAsylum illdidnotstophim romusing ispseudonymnalldealings ith hechurchsopen o speculation,owever.)heprogram egbAedto mention, owever,hatdespitetspastandpresent opularity,hechurch assomeobvious tructuralroblemstemmingromyearsof apparenteglect. hecarefulobservermayhavenotedhepreponderancefweeds rowingn heaisles ndpews, ot o mention ll over healtar.Evenhescatfoldingrected ver hecenteraisleduring herepair rocess,trangelyeft nplaceor hewedding, asbeenall butoverrun yvinesand lowering eeds.Whetherhis ackof attentiono maintenancecanbe connectedo therecentPTLcoruptionsunknown;nanycase,weat henewsletterillbehappyo accept nydonationsarmarkedor maintenancen behalfof thechurch.Makeall checks ayableo PeterAdolfat the address elow.

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(We apologiz.eforanypossible nsult o eitherProfessoand vIn. Bennes'sdog,or to anyonewe nray havcaccidentallyomitted.We nvite our readcrs o scnd n theirpicks.Write-in candidarcswil beconsidered nd gnoed.)nH ALL COMMENTS HOULDBE ADDRESSED O:THISWEEK N 1772T PUBLICATIONSBOX 20 YALESTANONNEWHAVEN,CT 06520